Author: Lauri Ann Lumby

“Women Can’t Image Christ”? Why the Hell Not!?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

It’s been a minute since I’ve gone head-to-head with the Catholic Church, but the Vatican’s most recent statement forbidding women to be ordained as deacons has provided just the right amount of fuel to fan my flames of righteousness.

Before I get into the grisly details, let me start by saying this:

In no way, shape, or form, do I have any interest in being ordained by an institution defined by clericalism deeply rooted in misogyny; and to be honest, I’m a little suspect of women who would want to be ordained into that patriarchal/hierarchical power-hungry fraternity.

That being said, as a woman with a ministerial calling, who considers Jesus her teacher and who has modeled her own ministry on Jesus’ example. I am living proof that a vocational calling to serve is not limited to men. Further, there is scriptural proof that Jesus commissioned women to serve (Mary Magdalene) along with historical evidence of women in the early church who served as both deacons and in priestly roles.

Now let’s get to the grisly details. From the National Catholic Reporter: “A Vatican commission studying the possibility of female deacons reported that the current state of historical and theological research ‘excludes the possibility of proceeding’ toward admitting women to the diaconate.”  In other words, seven men voted against the ordination of women into the diaconate. The justification for this exclusion, stated in a commentary signed by retired Italian Cardinal Giuseppe Petrocchi, was that “women cannot image Christ.”

WHAT?!

It’s one thing for the Church to use big-T tradition, and little t – tradition as it’s excuse for not ordaining women. It’s also a well-known and documented fact that the institution of the Catholic Church has done everything in its power to keep women down, holding women to different standards than men, scrutinizing women saints more ruthlessly than their male counterparts, ignoring and then demonizing the very women Jesus appointed to continue his ministry, etc. etc. etc. We have long known the Church to be a bastion of misogyny, despite their protestations.

Me thinkest they protesteth too much – and this recent statement proves it. In these words, the Church has finally laid bare the truth of their beliefs – women are less than, and therefore unworthy of imaging Christ.

It’s funny to me, really (funny ironic, and funny sad). Because despite everything I was taught and the promises that were made in my own ministerial training within the Catholic Church, I experienced directly the privilege men, especially priests, received in the Church. Men are held to lesser standards than women, afforded greater opportunities, and awarded with advancement and praise. I received the identical education and training as my male counterparts, yet they were rewarded with ordination. I, and my female co-horts were not. When I experienced scrutiny and harassment by the local self-appointed inquisition, the Church did not have my back, instead, it joined the bandwagon.  For the men, with whom I served, who were acting amorally, the Church just looked the other way.

Women have always been treated as “other” in the Catholic Church, but to say that women cannot “image Christ,” is just bad theology!

Isn’t “imaging Christ” exactly what we’ve been taught????? Isn’t this what we were told in twelve years of Catholic school? Isn’t this what scripture invites us to be and do? Aren’t we all called to “be Christ in the world?”

If this is no longer, or has never been true for women, then what’s the point? Why adhere to Jesus’ teachings? Why follow his example? Why “put on Christ” if it’s really only men who can image him?

In saying that women cannot image Christ, regardless of the call to be ordained, the Church has told millions of women throughout history who have called Jesus teacher, served in his name, been the Love he called us to be in the world, that we don’t matter.

And you know what, they’re right. We DO NOT MATTER –  to the Church. We never have. The Church has just pretended we matter because it is the women who have always done the work.

Maybe not anymore. In light of the knowledge of what the Church actually believes about women, maybe we should leave (I technically left long ago). Without those of us who “cannot image Christ,” the Church would collapse. And maybe that’s exactly what the Church deserves.

In the meantime, I still consider Jesus to be my teacher and Mary Magdalene my guide. I continue working on being the Love Jesus calls us to be in the world. I know that despite what the Church says, I am doing my best to “image Christ,” as are all the women I know who hold up Love as their purpose and mission, because the truth is, the Church does not have the power to deny what Christ has already ordained.

Finally, my official response to the Church – a big fat F-you!

Being Gentle with Ourselves

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

It is near impossible to ignore the death throes of the dying empire. We are bombarded with the symptoms every day – often every minute of every day. It is constant and relentless.

What we may forget to heed, however, is the credit we are due for enduring the constant assault on our being – our bodies, minds, and spirits are all suffering from the assault of a world gone mad. Admittedly, “enduring” might be overreach when on most days simply surviving feels like an enormous effort. The fact that you’re reading this, however, tells me that at the very least, you are surviving. Perhaps just by the skin of your teeth – but you’re still here.  That’s the point.

The dying world is not meant to destroy us (though there will be those destroyed by the collapse). It will test and challenge us. In direct opposition to our conditioning, the purpose of the test is not so that we might exert our strength or bolster our will. Instead, the invitation in the face of the dying system is to learn how to be soft. Instead of toughening us, the empire’s collapse is meant to make us more gentle. Gentle with ourselves – and others.

Learning to be gentle starts with ourselves. It begins with a thorough examination of our conditioning and all the ways we were ridiculed, condemned, criticized or rejected for being sensitive, kind, quiet, compassionate, caring, sharing, and gentle. The examination continues by exploring how our conditioning told us how we should be instead: strong, brave, courageous, competitive, tough, bullet-proof, etc. In the world that is dying, we have not been rewarded for being gentle – only for being tough. The new world that we are moving into will reward us for being gentle.

Choosing that new world starts today. Give yourself credit for the suffering you have endured in your life thus far. Acknowledge the losses, betrayals, deceptions, and heartbreaks you have suffered. If you have suffered trauma, offer yourself grace when your past traumas are triggered. Give yourself permission to do nothing, to wallow, to “rot” (as Gen Z’s say). If your panic or fear are triggered and your brain goes numb, allow yourself to check out. Be quiet. Be still.  BE NON-Productive (our value is NOT determined by our productivity – as much as we’ve been told otherwise)!  Defy the capitalistic, patriarchal expectations around striving after achievement, seeking to be known or seen. Popularity does not determine our value!  When you’re feeling sad – be sad. Weep, cry, wail, flail. Do whatever you need to do to be present with your feelings and then take a rest. Nap. Sleep. Read. Listen to music. Take a day or three to do absolutely nothing. Hide under the covers. Retreat into your cave. Walk slowly and gently. Be conscious of your breathing and slow it down. Close your eyes and just listen to the quiet of the universe. Meditate. Pray. Be simple with your meals. No one expects you to be Martha Stewart. Say no to invitations. Don’t buy into the shoulds of holidays. Skip the decorations and the pressure.

And more than any of this – be gentle with yourself. Cease from judging your feelings and just accept them as they are. Don’t condemn yourself for your sensitivity – celebrate it. Hold yourself in gently fierce loving care when you feel like you are falling apart. Be compassionate with yourself when you break down or shut down or dissociate. Don’t measure your day by how you are feeling. If it takes you 3 days or a week to get through a trigger response, then that’s exactly what you needed. Celebrate your willingness to give yourself exactly what you need.

Journeying through the collapse of an empire is an experience like no other. As it’s been several hundred years since the most recent collapse of western civilization, we’re entitled to feel burdened and overwhelmed. We also know from the past that it is not the loud or the brave who survived, but those who knew how to move quietly, slowly, even invisibly, and who more than anything, knew how to be loving toward themselves, gentle and caring toward others. Let this be our invitation as we navigate the death throes – that our gentleness be our salvation.

Wandering, Wandering, Aimlessly Wandering

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Aka – Life in the Void

This morning, I woke up with a million topic ideas wrestling in my head. Do I write about collective despair or survival? Do I muse on about living as an interdimensional being? Do I remark on the radically different lives many of us find ourselves living? Do I talk about the state of our world (yes, let’s go ahead and beat that dead horse!)?

When I sat in the center of these swirling topics, I realized that the common thread in all of this is where we find ourselves at this moment – Sitting in the void between a world that is coming to an end and a world that has not yet been fully born. Void space, as I have come to know it, is a restless place filled with anxiety and certainty, yet when we know how to move through our need to control, we find the deep, dark, peace that is at the center of the Void. (Psst: The Void could also be called “Source,” for it is out of the Void that all things come into being).

The world as we have known it is dying. I need only point to the community engagement I was invited into this week regarding a $6 million deficit facing the Oshkosh Area School District. The current proposal for balancing the budget includes the elimination of 23 full-time equivalent positions in “elective” classes, specifically art, music, theatre, industrial and culinary arts, and more. Of course I did my part in writing to the Board and the OASD Administration on why maintaining these classes is important and the impact these classes have on students, along with the devastating effect eliminating these classes would have on student enrollment and graduation rates. I did the proper 3d world thing on a topic I am passionate about.

At the same time…….I know that education is one of the systems that is facing its own death as the empires around us collapse. Education, as we have known it no longer works – if it ever really did. Education, like all other patriarchal/hierarchical institutions, is clinging hard to status quo. In my letter to Oshkosh schools’ leadership, I called for innovation while knowing that they have neither the courage nor the insight to accept that invitation. The superintendent offering no acknowledgement or response to my letter says it all. OASD will be dying along with all other educational institutions who would rather live in denial than do the hard work of radical reform.

Radical reform is what the new world is calling for. For those with eyes to see, we see this and we know this. We know and understand what will need to pass away, collapse, or die in order for the new to come forth. We know and sense the new, but for those of us of a certain age, it is not ours to build. No, our children, and our children’s children will be the ones creating the new world – as they already are.

And yet, here we are, in the space between a world that is in freefall and a world yet to be born. It’s a strange place. Everything feels bad, uncertain, worrisome, violent, and despairing. This is the place of the unknown and in the face of the unknown there is anxiety. The signs of death are everywhere – from increasing grocery and housing costs, to political insanity. Everything sucks. In the suck, we become restless, aimless, wandering. We are trying to find ground, balance, safety, and security. We desperately want to feel safe in a world that is everything but safe. We are desperate to have control over something uncontrollable.

When the world as we have known it is in freefall, all we can do is stand back and hope it doesn’t fall on us!

The temptation is to get swept up into the chaos of a world trying to die, believing that this chaos is our reality. IT IS NOT!  The chaos is only a symptom of a dying world. Beyond the chaos, or rather, below and within it, is the true reality – that of THE VOID. The Void is the space between death and new life. It is the Source of all that is and the emptiness from which all things come to be. The Void is the “No Thing.”  It is the ultimate place of peace, comfort, and hope. When we allow ourselves to be objective witness to the chaos swirling around us, and not get caught up in it, our wandering settles, our restlessness becomes calm, we are able to release our need for control, and we are able to simply meet life as it is with acceptance and surrender. Remembering, in the immortal words of J.R.R. Tolkien, not all who wander are lost.

Personal Mastery Training Programs:

Everything is a Practice

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Finding our way along the journey of self-actualization and personal mastery, we eventually come to the realization that everything is a practice. Whereas the early stages of our journey may have put us on the path to setting time aside each day for a dedicated mindfulness, contemplation, or meditation practice, we soon come to find out that our dedicated practice begins to spill out into the everyday experiences of our lives. Soon, everything becomes grist for the mill as we work to heal all within us that separates us from our original nature as love, while continuing to love the pieces that are not yet healed.

For me, this “everything practice” showed up in one extremely subtle and another powerfully obvious way.

I’ll begin with the extremely subtle:  I’ve been noticing in my daily practice an almost undetectable sorrow. It showed itself as a sorrow I could not initially name, but felt very deep and infinitely small. When I reached toward this sorrow, I perceived it as a tiny dot, no bigger than the end of a pencil. As it my practice, I’ve spent this week “working” on that dot of sorrow. Going toward it (instead of away). Pointing to it and “sending” healing. Holding the sorrow and asking what it had to say to me or teach me. The goal of this practice is to simply show up to that sorrow. In my experience, the fruits of this kind of practice eventually lead to healing and release, or alternatively, the revelation of something hiding behind the sorrow that seeks to be known. I’m still working on this piece, but I have gotten a glimpse of the original wound of separation that is just beyond this sorrow. That glimpse nearly gave me a panic attack, but I know that the only way to continue healing that wound is to stay with it.

The powerfully obvious way that everything presented itself as practice arose in a fit of rage. Without boring you with the gory details, suffice it to say that the rage was in the form of ranting resentment over a need for which I had requested support. The support was denied. To be honest, as I write this, I’m still pissed. First – because I rarely ask for help. Second because I should have known better.

What I do know, however, is that beyond the ranting and raving (which are appropriate inner responses to our needs not being met) is an old wound showing itself for another layer of healing – the wound of unmet needs. This is a pretty universal wound in that most people can share stories, experiences, conditioning, etc. in which their needs have gone unmet, or been flat-out rejected. Every time we have the courage to ask for help, and it is denied, a part of us feels like it has died. Heap up a lifetime of rejected and unmet needs, and the wound becomes a gaping hole. For myself personally, this is a wound I’ve given much time and attention to in the form of transformational practices. And, just like most everyone else, it’s a wound that still needs love. First, we have to work on healing the wound of rejection. Next, we tackle the wound of unmet needs. Finally, we do the work of meeting our own needs while setting appropriate boundaries around those who, due due to their own unhealed wounds (likely), are unable to be a reciprocal source of support for others.

From the very subtle to the greatest of charged emotions, everything is our self asking to be seen, known, and loved. This love, ultimately, is what our practice is all about.

The Things We Cling To

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The journey toward self-actualization, enlightenment, individuation, and personal mastery (all words meaning essentially the same thing) is rough. In our western, capitalistic culture in which personal development has been commoditized, we’ve been told to expect unicorns and rainbows, when instead, we are faced with hellfire and brimstone. Personal mastery is not for the faint of heart. Neither is it for the weak. Instead, it requires persistence, discipline, and the willingness to confront and lay down every attachment and mask that hides us from our true selves.

Our true self is LOVE. Period.

Another way of describing the journey is the transformation of every single thing within us that has forgotten we are love. In doing so, we are simultaneously remembering how to love ourselves for all that we are – warts and all.

Self-actualization is not about perfection. Instead, it is about becoming increasingly aware of our human frailty and loving even that.

In coming to recognize, acknowledge, accept and love our imperfect perfection, we are invited to identify and release all the things we cling to that stand in the way of radical self-love. Much of what we cling to has been beaten into us by our culture. Some have surfaced out of past woundings. Many emerge out of trauma. Others we cling to simply because we are human. Here is my list of the things we cling to that are often the most difficult to release:

  • The desire to belong.
  • The need for approval from others.
  • The longing to be seen.
  • The yearning to be heard.
  • The need to be right.
  • The desire to know.
  • The need to be in control.
  • The yearning to be desired.
  • The habits, patterns, behaviors, status to which we have become familiar.
  • The illusion of success.
  • Conditioned beliefs about value and achievement.
  • Our health.
  • Life.

The truth of the human experience is that everything is temporary and nothing can be controlled. We are not here to make other people happy. Neither are we here to gain other people’s approval. Belonging is an illusion, and it is only the false self that needs to be seen, heard, or loved. Our value is not dependent on any one else’s definition or rules of measurement.

We have value, and are loved, simply because we are. When we remember the Love that we are, and release these attachments, only then are we free enough to love ourselves for all that we are, and to see that love in others – no matter how broken we or the other might appear.

Releasing the things we cling to most stubbornly brings us into the field of personal mastery. There might not be unicorns or rainbows here, but there is true and enduring freedom.

Tools for Releasing Attachments

Time for a Upgrade: USA 2.0

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Perhaps because it’s been on my mind, this past weekend I took a deep dive into the US Declaration of Independence of 1776.  (If you haven’t done so in a while, or ever, you can read the full text here).

As it turns out, the complaints listed against King George over his governance of the US Colonies are not unlike the complaints of Americans today over what the US Government has become. Regardless of how one has voted in the past, it seems most would agree that what we have today is not the Representative Democracy we were once promised. Instead of “by the people for the people,” we have a corrupt system by the increasingly wealthy for the purpose of even greater wealth – all this on the backs of “the people,” where the people are left suffering.

Unless you are among the 1% of the 1%, I think you will agree that this corrupt system of governance is not ok, and that you are likely suffering the consequences of this corruption (too numerous to list here!). The good news is that as the current system imploded upon itself, there’s not a single thing we need to do to hasten its collapse. The government is doing it to itself. Quickly and irreparably.

While the system is busy destroying itself, what we can do is start dreaming, envisioning, and planning for what USA 2.0 might one day be. We won’t have to think too hard as we already know what we want. The original Declaration of Independence, as it turns out, said it quite well (with a few updates reflecting modern sentiments):

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all human beings are created equal, that they are endowed with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That, to secure these rights, governments are instituted among humankind, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.

Let me highlight one phrase: “from the consent of the governed.” 

This seems like a good place to start!  What is it that the governed want? I cannot speak for others, but I can speak for myself. Here is a list off the top of my head of what I would hope for in the creation of USA 2.0:

  1. That all human beings be treated as equal and that diversity (race, religion, gender, etc. etc.) be honored and celebrated.
  2. That all Americans have access to quality, affordable education. This includes pre-school through a 2 year or 4 year post-secondary education or vocational training.
  3. That all Americans have access to quality, affordable healthcare.
  4. That all Americans have access to safe, adequate, and affordable housing, and that provisions be made for the poor and the vulnerably housed or unhoused. No one should have to live on the street.
  5. The same should be said for access to safe and affordable food and water. Water should not be privatized. People should not suffer from hunger.
  6. That our environment be protected, National Parks maintained, and mega-corporate ownership of private homes be curtailed.  
  7. That neither war nor debt be the foundation of our economy.
  8. Income and TAX REFORM!  No one needs to be, nor should they be a billion or trillionaire. (I have always liked Jesse Ventura’s flat tax idea!)
  9. That every eligible voter’s vote counts. (It might be time to dispense with the Electoral College – and it is long past time to eliminate lobbyists, special interest money, and to come up with a just system for election financing.)
  10. That the system of checks and balances envisioned by our forefathers and foremothers be restored and safeguards put in place to prevent the unchecked Executive Branch that we are witnessing today.

This is just off the top of my head. What is on top of yours? Let’s work together to envision something new. (PS feel free to email me privately: lauri@lauriannlumby.com if you don’t want to make your list public).

The Walls are Tumbling Down

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

To quote the immortal words of John Mellencamp:

When the walls come tumblin’ down
When the walls come crumblin’ crumblin’
When the walls come tumblin’ tumblin’ down

It may not appear like that to some. One certainly wouldn’t know it by looking only at the surface of things. In fact, at first glance, it may appear as if the United States has lost its damn mind or fallen into an abyss out of which we will never return.

I do not, however, believe this is the case. Every single day we get closer to the final collapse when the shifting sands upon which the “American Dream” was planted opens and swallows the dream, revealing it to have been a lie all along.

When our “great” nation was established 250 years ago, it was made to benefit only a certain few. The idea that all people would be guaranteed “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” has always been a lie. But we bought into it hook line and sinker.

Over the course of the last 250 years, we have little by little seen the intentional obstacles in the system that prevent certain populations from enjoying the benefits of the promised liberties and freedoms. Those of compassion and a sense of justice have pointed out these obstacles and doggedly worked to eliminate them so that more might be free. But with every course correction, the “men in charge” have worked to create more and more limitations to freedom.

A nation divided against itself, as these men intend, cannot stand. Further, a system built out of fear and propped up by gluttony and greed is simply not sustainable. It will eventually fall.

Which is where we find ourselves today. Every single day we are met with a new deception attempting to hold up the system. Some choose to ignore these deceptions and symptoms of corruption, but for those with eyes that can see, we are watching the increasingly rapid tearing away of every lie behind which those in power hide.

It’s exhausting. And yet, as much as it pains anyone with a conscience to see the pure evil that runs our nation and likely our world, we cannot eliminate an evil that cannot be seen. And boy are we seeing it – so much so that on some days I feel like my eyeballs are on fire from all that we are being made to see.

More and more people are beginning to see. People on both sides of the illusionary divide are seeing the evil that has been hiding behind the mask of “democracy” for 250 years. We are no longer living in a Representative Democracy – if we ever truly were. Instead, we are living in a lie where we have been told that our “votes count” and that our elected officials are making decisions on our behalf. Bullshit! Instead, corporations are choosing our “representatives” and paying them to make policy decisions on their behalf.

Corporations now rule our nation. They are the ones making decisions that benefit them – their CEO’s and stockholders. To these corporations, the only thing that matters is how much money they have in their pockets.

But guess what, there are more of us than there are of them. For years, regular Americans have been pitted against each other, made to believe that the cause of our pain is “the other” (people of color, immigrants, Muslims, Jews, Evangelical Christians, independent women, liberals, conservatives, etc. etc. etc. ). The truth many are beginning to see is that we are not each other’s enemy, and we never were. Instead, the enemy is one we have in common:  CORPORATE GREED and the corrupt system that has been built to support that greed.

People are disgusted. People are angry. People are beginning to set down the illusion of separation, tentatively joining hands across the aisle toward a common cause. This common cause is the desire for the system to crumble under the weight of its corruption so that something more fair and just can rise up to take its place – something that more closely resembles the “American Dream” we have chosen to believe in – this time with a firm foundation and a solid framework to insure life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, not just for the very few, but for the all:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. – The Declaration of Independent, July 4, 1776

Is Your God too Small?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

This past weekend an article came out in which Kim Kardashian, after failing the bar exam, was complaining about all the money she spent on psychics who all told her she would pass, and how duped she felt by them. My response was “duh.” Relying on psychics to determine your success seems naïve ( at best). Especially when (in my personal experience), many (if not most) psychics are happy to take your money and then tell you exactly what you want to hear.

This article isn’t about psychics. Neither is it about Kim Kardashian. What inspired me to pen this musing was the comment thread relating to Kim’s rant. In the comments an individual wrote, “You block God’s blessings when you mess with that stuff.”  I suggested to the commenter that her God might be too small. She said, “I’m Catholic do with that what you will.”  I chuckled because I’m Catholic too (kind of) and the “God” I have come to know is way too big to be limited by the likes of a few psychics, or by those who would turn to psychics for “guidance.” I am of the firm belief that there is NOTHING that can limit or block God – the Presence, Power, Providence or Grace of God.

“I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God” Romans 8: 38-39

Turning to a psychic doesn’t “block God’s blessings.” All that happens is that we are giving away our own power to reason, discern, and exercise our own truth by putting someone outside of us in the position of power. The same is true when we give anyone the power to determine the path of our lives – parents, teachers, religious leaders, government officials, partners, etc. etc. etc. The only true and reliable authority dwells within us in our connection and union with that which I call “God.”

If you grew up in any kind of Christian denomination, the “God” you were taught was most likely the old man in the sky God – the one Jesus called Abwoon – which has most often been translated as “father.” This “father” God was then painted into the image of either a vengeful, wrathful, punitive father, or one of great compassion like the father in the story of the Prodigal Son – in other words, a God made in our image.  

Even the Catholic Church eschews these images of God in humankind’s image:

God is neither man nor woman. God is pure spirit in which there is no place for the difference between the sexes. (Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 370)

Jesus taught of a God who is Spirit who is all-loving and who is present within us, among us, and all around us. John, in his letters, called God Love (1 John 4). And yet, even the Catholic Church who teaches these scriptures and authored the Catechism, often preaches of a God who is too small. (Hence the woman who believes a psychic has the power to block God).

I, however, refuse to allow God to be limited by the threats of the inquisition, the local Church, by Bishops, priests, or congregants who seem to have missed the whole entire point of Jesus’ teachings. There is nothing greater than the Love that made us, surrounds us, and dwells within us. Even our own forgetting of or disbelief in God is not enough to separate us from that Love. It is our origin, our true nature, and our ultimate destination, for at the end of the day, Love is all there is and there is nothing that can block that.

Ugh!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

For the thirty-or-so of you who continue to read my articles, thank you for your patience these past few weeks. In short – this care-giver is all cared out! I know in this I’m not alone.

The past several weeks have been heavy with intensity, anxiety, and dare I say, INSANITY. When I think things just can’t get worse in our world another shoe drops.  Just when I pray, “surely this is the tipping point that will bring the whole house of cards down upon itself,” it is not. It seems instead of wholesale collapse, the empire is dying one mortar chip at a time.

And we are all exhausted from the waiting and weighting. It is heavy work to be a visionary, prophet, lightworker, healer, starborne, starseed, and carer when the only paradigm we have ever known is coming to it’s self-created violent ending. Moreso even than the system itself, we have been bearing, upholding, and supporting those who are finding themselves anxious, frantic, nervous, and worried in the face of a collapse about which they may not even be aware. We have been a source of support for others while desperately trying to be support for ourselves.

For the past several weeks, I have found myself in complete survival mode. Between a world in collapse and some new (not really) health issues that have surfaced, it’s all I can do to get out of bed in the morning – not because I’m depressed – because I am bone weary and soul tired. On my good days, I’m honored when people seek me out for support. On my bad days, I’m sick to death of other people’s shit. (Not everyone’s shit….just those unwilling to tend to their own work.)

Does this make me a bad person? No, it just means I’m tired and as usual, excruciatingly human.

Humans exhaust me. When I’m tired, unwell, impatient, frustrated, and fumbling, I exhaust myself. Again, I know I’m not alone in this. I likely exhaust others. (ha ha).  But seriously, so many who reach out to me speak of their own disgust with themselves.

When the world is turning itself inside out, we can no longer survive as the person we once thought of ourselves as being. As the masks behind which the human-made world are falling away and the evil behind it all is being revealed, our masks also must fall. The masks I have worn are those of perfectionist, good-girl, straight A student, achiever, hard worker, honest, strong, brave, courageous, fiercely independent, and generously loving. Behind these masks, I am these things, but not always. I too am vulnerable, anxious, terrified, jealous, petty, unforgiving, harsh, and the deceit I indulge is that of people pleaser.  “I’m fine,” is a bold-faced lie and while I have love of all humanity, I sometimes wish a violent death upon those I call my enemies – or at the very least – a heaping portion of karmic retribution.

As the world has been collapsing and masks have been torn away, so too have we been forced to admit the full truth of who we are. We can no longer hide behind the expectations of a capitalistic patriarchal society.  Neither can we live under the burden of the driving, striving, and blind ambition favored by our world.

We must live our truth – or die. “Just hanging on” is no longer enough. Instead, we are invited to LET IT ALL GO. Quit trying to fit in. Quit lying to ourselves. Quit trying to be strong. Quit trying to help or care for those unwilling to help themselves. Quit forcing ourselves to take action where no action is needed and where our gifts have been denied. Quit denying the reality of aging and the physical consequences of illness.  Instead, we’re invited to embrace them. (Hollywood, Instagram, etc. beauty standards are simply another part of a world that is dying. Have you seen what is happening to Hollywood actresses? So many of them now look like corpses.  Gross!) Quit pretending we are well when we are not. Quit “faking it to make it.”

And more than anything else:  DARE to love yourself enough to choose what is life-giving for you, even/especially when what is best is to sleep.

And finally, DO NOT forget that if you are one who sees and believes in the hope of a new world, this new world is being born through you. As such, your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies are hard at work growing and getting ready to birth that new world. Be gentle and loving toward yourself as you would be with a brand new babe. In this birthing, we are fragile and vulnerable. Treat yourself as such!

With love,

Lauri

You, Me, and the Apocalypse

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

caring for ourselves during societal collapse

I don’t know how many times I have to write about this for me to get it, but here we are again. (a nod of gratitude to the Netflix series of the same name for the title of today’s musing)

We are living through the collapse of the empire – the world as we have known it – and unless we are somehow benefitting from said-collapse, we are negatively feeling it.  The impact of this collapse has a universal component – some suffering more than others from the almost nuclear fallout of an unsustainable system imploding upon itself. The recent battle over SNAP benefits and healthcare subsidies are two such examples.

As an empath, I am feeling the effects of this collapse mostly physically. My whole body hurts. I’ve had a headache and vertigo for a week. I’m exhausted. My anxiety feels palpable. It feels as if my entire system is collapsing under the weight of what I have no choice but to see, hear, and feel. This seeing, hearing, and feeling, are coming out in symptoms that might even be concerning. Is the collapsing world actually killing me?  On some days it feels like it might.

I could repeat what I have already written ad nauseum about the inevitability of this collapse. Suffice it to say, humanity brought this upon itself in creating systems built on fear, power, and control. Systems built on anything other than unity and love cannot endure. Henceforth, here we are.

Being that we have no control over this collapse and there is nothing we can do to save humanity from themselves, what are we to do? The short answer is this: CARE FOR OURSELVES. As is always true, the only person over whom we have any measure of control (even this is debatable), is ourselves.

For empaths, and others feeling the weight of societal collapse, caring for ourselves means turning the tables on the societal rules that have kept us imprisoned by achievement, duty and obedience to the system. No longer can we (or should we) attempt to continue at the pace expected of us by western society. “Drive, strive, achieve,” in and of themselves are unsustainable. For the sake of our own well-being, many of us will have to unplug from this paradigm, creating space for ourselves where we are of value, simply for who we are, not what we do. This is a difficult task as we have been conditioned by lifetimes of reproach and shame to live by society’s rules.

Humanity was never meant to exist in a hierarchy. Instead, we were meant to live in collaborative support of one another – ensuring that the needs of the all, not just the few, are met.

Caring for ourselves begins by saying no. Saying no to anything and everything that is not life-giving. Saying no to the expectations of others. Saying no to the enculturated shoulds. Saying no to manipulation, fear, power, and control.

Saying no starts with identification. How has the system attempted to manipulate you? (advertising is one obvious example, as is the entire system of politics). Where have you been told you were less-than because of something that is inherently you (skin color, gender, sexual orientation, neurodiversity, economic status, ability to work, etc.)? Where have you been taught to feel shame for your needs, emotions, way of moving through the world.

Shame is the number one weapon of the status quo, and thereby, the collapsing system. Unlearning shame is one of the most important and helpful things you can do for yourself.

After learning to say no, the next step in caring for ourselves is learning how to say yes. Saying yes to all those things that we need to feel supported. Say yes to naps. Say yes to acts of coziness. Say yes to that which feeds you emotionally, mentally, and physically. Say yes to what feeds your soul, gives you joy, and makes you feel content.

Life is not about meaning. Neither are we here to find fulfilment. We are here to find peace in the midst of the human experiment even/especially when the experiment seems to be failing. Caring for ourselves means finding equanimity in the violent throes of societal collapse while being open to the rapturous visions of something new trying to take its place.

How are you surviving this apocalyptic time?

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