She Said the Thing

The truth of chronic illness

This past week, I had what I thought was going to be a routine session with my acupuncturist and Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner. It ended up everything but routine as that morning ended up being “one of my bad days” with unexpected and anxiety provoking symptoms. The acupuncture treatment helped ease the symptoms and Megan gave me instructions to follow up with my primary care doctor “just in case” there is more that needs to be explored. (My primary care and I are currently exploring a possible thyroid issue.)

It wasn’t this that made this week’s session remarkable, however, it was the thing Megan said. I’m not going to be able to repeat it verbatim but it was the exact acknowledgement that I needed to hear. In her compassionate seeing, Megan recognized the very real fact that most of the time, I feel like shit. Following that up with the masking that I do to make it through each day despite feeling like shit. I took Megan’s hand in mine and through tears, thanked her for SEEING ME.

Because this is the reality, I do feel like shit pretty much every day. Between Epstein-Barr, permanent vestibular neuritis, panic attack disorder, being a highly sensitive person, neurodivergent, and having polycystic kidney disease, my baseline is somewhere around 50-60%.  I’m tired and cold all the time. I’m always suffering some version of mild vertigo (giddiness). My chronic headaches have been better, but as I write I’m on day 6 of a constant dull ache. I’m on all the medications to manage my kidney disease, and every one comes with their own set of side effects. Ugh.

I don’t write this in search of pity. I share this to reveal the whole truth about chronic illness and to point out that we live in a world that has no real support for the chronically ill. Instead, we’re forced to put on a happy face, go out into the world, work to earn money to pay our bills, grocery shop, exercise, stay fit, eat right, and not complain about the fact that while we are doing all these things to make it in this world, we often feel like complete shit. Pushing through the pain, fatigue, etc. then just makes us feel worse.

The chronically ill are invisible in our world; and yet we make up 60-90% of the American population. This means that every day, 60-90% of the people we encounter are feeling like complete shit while trying to complete the tasks required of them in a capitalistic culture. Other than disability income (which very few qualify for), there are no safety nets. Zero. Zilch. Nadda.

I can’t speak for others who suffer with chronic illness, but for me, I’ve carved out a way to make a living that (somewhat) accommodates for my vulnerabilities. At the same time, it is a constant effort to show up for work. I’m fortunate to have clients who understand if I have to miss a day or reschedule.  Making this choice, however, costs me in real US dollars so I reserve that right only on my worst days. Often I show up even when feeling like I really just need to stay home and do nothing or sleep. I’m also grateful for the unexpected and often miraculous ways that financial support shows up, allowing me to be more gentle, compassionate, and caring toward my fragile body.

And today, I’m especially grateful to Megan Bartelt, L.Ac. Dipl. Ac. for through her words, I am finally feeling seen. 

Perfection vs. Wholeness

There exists a major flaw in the new age, self-improvement, enlightenment, and ascension industries:

The goal of human development is not perfection.

Instead, it is wholeness.

Wholeness means that we are content and grounded in ourselves “warts and all.” Whereas we may be ever-striving for personal growth, individuation, and self-actualization, we have moved beyond picking apart and shaming ourselves for the inherent imperfections of being human. While self-awareness and personal accountability provide evidence of psychological and emotional maturity, wholeness allows for the fact that mistakes will still occur and that our value is not diminished by those mistakes. Wholeness empowers us to understand that the mind is going to do what the mind is meant to do – which is to keep us safe, and that our thoughts alone have absolutely nothing to do with the events of our lives. We have gained the wisdom in acknowledging that life happens and that we are neither the creator nor the destroyer of our fate. When illness or tragedy strike, we allow ourselves time and space for grieving without the added burden of the shame-based beliefs that these were somehow our fault because of our thinking or punishment for something we did “wrong.”

Wholeness understands that life itself is neutral and free from judgment. Life is not out to get people. Neither does life choose favorites. Each human being is here for their own journey – a journey that really has nothing to do with our own. Wholeness leaves each to their own. This does not mean, however, that in wholeness we don’t judge, condemn, curse, or rage about the actions of another. This is simply us being human. Life doesn’t judge. Humans do.

Wholeness allows for the gritty aspects of our humanness. Whereas we may be actively pursuing a reduction in judgement (of self and others), a decrease in anxiety, a lessening of rage, a dwindling of jealousy, we recognize that we are not here to be perfect, we are here to be human.

As human beings, we are perfectly imperfect. So what if we rage on about the injustices in our world, or hold grudges against those who have harmed us? None of these means we have failed in our desire to ascend, grow in enlightenment, or become self-actualized. In fact, if we can forgive ourselves of our humanness, and take each “mistake” as a lesson, then we have successfully grown in wholeness.

Wholeness, not perfection is the purpose of the human journey. Isn’t it time we shake free of the burden of shame, including that which has been heaped upon us by a self-help industry wrapped up in its own illusions of perfection while denying people of the Love that they already are?


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A Vision of Things to Come?

I believe I have witnessed a miracle. On Friday (Halloween), I had an appointment with my physician and while standing in line to check in, and later while checking out, I saw human beings interacting in ways I have not seen since at least 2020. Strangers were talking and joking with strangers. People were smiling and sharing compliments. The energy in the waiting room was one of pure joy, as was the attitude of all the staff. Granted, it was Halloween, but for the first time in a very long time, I did not see or feel the guarded hesitation I had become used to after humanity decided they were each other’s enemies.

Is it possible that humanity (Americans anyway…or at the very least Wisconsinites) has grown tired of hating each other and are beginning to see that the perceived division between us was manufactured for the purpose of political and financial gain? Are people beginning to understand that our perceived differences are not as black and white as some have wanted to make us believe, or that the real enemy is not ourselves, but some other entity that profits from us hating each other? Are people seeing that certain entities are no longer (if they ever had) working for the common good but are in fact seeking to harm all but a very select few?

I don’t know the answers to these quandaries, but, for the first time in many years, I felt and am continuing to feel a POSITIVE disturbance in the force. It’s subtle, but it is definitely there, and if what I experienced on Friday is a sign of things to come, I’m here for it. The good news is that we don’t have to wait for the collective to wake up to love, harmony, and peace; as it is already here in our midst, when we know how to choose it.

In every single moment, we decide if we are going to live by division or from Love. Regardless of what is happening in the collective, we each get to decide how we perceive and treat each other. We can choose whether we greet each other from a place of suspicion and defensiveness, or from a place of kindness.  Even when met with hate, Love can still be our chosen response. We decide and no one else gets to make that decision for us.

As we continue to move through the collapse of the world we have known while waiting for the world that is yet to come, we are reminded that the world of Oneness and Love is already here, we need simply choose it.

Neither will they say, ‘Look, here it is!’ or, ‘There it is!’
For behold, the kingdom of God is within and among you.”
Luke 17:21

Energy Vampires, Succubae, and Witch Collectors

As I’ve been trying to figure out how to write on the topic of “authentic power,” I came upon this article that I first penned in 2019.  Then it was titled, “Beware of Witch Collectors.” I have since come to broaden this topic to include anyone who feeds off the power of those who are authentically gifted, because the one who feeds has no power of their own. It seems fitting to share this re-write here rather than to try to create something new as this does a great job of summing things up while providing the necessary cautions. Enjoy!

This one is for my sister-witches and brother-witches.  When I use the term “witch” I’m referring to the women and men I know who have harnessed the infinite power within themselves and who are using this power to support their own life mission of being in service to the betterment of our world.  These are people who are strong, independent, confident (albeit sometimes insecure – only because they have rarely been supported or affirmed in their gifts), intuitive, empathic, teachers, healers, leaders and behind the scene witches.  These are the ones who have been with us throughout eternity and who have been ridiculed, condemned, even killed for their magical gifts.  Fortunately we are no longer in the “burning times” but that doesn’t mean that today’s witches are free from danger.  In fact, the dangers we face today are even more subtle and insidious than the dangers we faced during the witch trials and the inquisition.  Today I wish to speak of one specific danger that faces all people of authentic power today – and that is of what I like to call Energy Vampires, Succubae, and Witch Collectors.”

Succubae are individuals who appear powerful, confident, strong, self-assured, perhaps even a bit arrogant.  They are often physically attractive and lure people in with their charm.  At first they seem sincere, trustworthy and of integrity, but it is all a ruse.  What they show to the world is an illusion for what hides behind the mask is an energy vampire – one who is not strong at all, but terribly insecure and lacking in inner power. 

Motivated by a deep sense of emptiness and vacancy, Energy Vampires and Witch Collectors are compelled to seek out and then draw in those of authentic power so they can suck them dry.  In the world of psychology, these people are often called narcissists, but in my experience, their “condition” moves far beyond that of a borderline personality disorder. Unlike narcissists, succubae desire more than power and control.  They literally feed on the life-force energy of those whose power is authentic and who they have drawn into their clutches.  The problem with this “relationship” is that the Witch Collector is never satisfied – can never be satisfied – as there is no amount of “witch power” that can fill a vacant hole.  They may feel temporary satisfaction from the energy they have drained, but the emptiness within an energy vampire/witch collector is like a black hole – infinitely empty and impossible to fill.  As long as the relationship continues between witch collector and witch, the witch collector will feed and the witch will feel drained –unable to harness the fullness of her power and to use that power for good.

Identifying a witch collector is tricky business, especially if you are one who is still nursing the wounds of the unholy masculine.  In a culture which has been ruled for the past 5000 years by the unholy masculine (fear, power and control), most of us harbor this wound.  As a result, we long to be seen, heard, acknowledged and supported in the use of our gifts.  When we find the rare individual who celebrates our gifts – who speaks our language – we are thrilled.  Titillated actually!  In our excitement, we are tempted to set aside our shield of caution and discernment gets tossed to the wind.  We enthusiastically enter into the web, blind to the true motivation of their seduction.  This is how seduction works, speaking to our insecurities, fears and unhealed wounds, which then causes us to put down our guard.  Then the “witch hunter” moves in for the “kill.” 

But there is hope. We are not defenseless in the face of energy vampires, succubae or witch collectors. The first step is recognition – looking for and seeking out those in our lives who are parasites.  Once we identify them, they no longer have power over us.  Say NO to their seductions and their ministrations.  STOP being the host for their insatiable desire for power.  Remember that in truth, they HAVE NO POWER.  We are the ones with the power and it is our power they seek to possess.  See them.  Say no to them.  Cut them off from their food-source.  And then watch them slink away.  This is what I have found in my own experience with witch collectors – once they know they are being seen for who they truly are, once we refuse to let them take our power, once we say NO to their seductions, they simply go off in search of their next victim.

Addendum: An important note as it relates to succubae, etc. is the matter of power. In this world, there are two kinds of power. The one in which we are most familiar is the power that is wielded by the system.  This is power-over. One seeking to have power over another. This is power that is distorted and (dare I say) evil.  This kind of power is gained through manipulation, most commonly using shame, guilt, threats and triggering one’s insecurities and fears for the purposes of gain. Institutions use this. Governments use this. Corporations use this. The advertising industry is defined by this kind of power. Despots and dictators thrive on this kind of insidious power, as do individuals. Many so-called healers, teachers, shamans, etc. use these kinds of manipulations to gain clients, wealth, and fame. This kind of power is false and ultimately temporary. This kind of power does not satisfy.  It only leaves the wielder of it constantly wanting more.

Authentic power is something else entirely. Authentic power springs naturally and without effort from one who is in union with Source (that which some might call “God”) and living in harmony with Source guidance. We are all born with authentic power, but our life experiences often limit our access to that power via the woundings and traumas we experience in the human condition. As we do the inner work of healing those traumas, our authentic power becomes more accessible. It is out of this power that our Divine gifts emerge, and it is our connection to this power that allows us to humbly allow Source to live through us. When living from authentic power, we are naturally and effortlessly guided to where we need to be, and what we are being called to do. We find ourselves grounded in ourselves, content in who we are, and at peace with what life brings to us. Those who would benefit from the gifts we share are naturally drawn to us and find us without any effort on our part. When grounded in authentic power, we are also able to see more clearly those who are not interested in growing or healing through the sharing of our gifts, but who instead seek only to feed off us. When in authentic power, from these we are able to simply walk away.


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Like Unto God

I’ve been at a place of frequently asking myself/the universe why?

  • Why do I seemingly have all these gifts in which very few are interested?
  • Why give me the gifts of vision, insight, knowing, and no audience with whom to share them?
  • Why give me the gift of prophecy – the ability to see the sign of the times and where things may be headed – when no one hears me?
  • Why give me the gift of seeing disorder (when things are out of order for an individual or a group’s higher good), along with the awareness of the remedy to that disorder when my insights are almost always ignored or rejected?
  • Why give me a platform on which I can share some of these insights while keeping my platform invisible?
  • Why give me wise counsel and the gift of teaching for the very few who are willing to hear and apply it?
  • Why show me the red flags while those who need them ignore my pleas?

When I find myself in these times of questioning, I often feel like a whiney baby asking my parent, “Why can’t I have what I want when I want it and I want it now?”

But I have also found that when I turn these kinds of quandaries inward, the answer usually appears – or at least what I need to hear in the moment to find comfort along with encouragement for continuing forward.

This morning as I wrote out these questions and hurled them out into the Universe, the answer came quickly and clearly:

One Who is Like Unto God.

“Hearing” these words, a deep peace came over me, along with an unfolding vision of what these words might mean to me in this moment. I share this in the event that you might find these words comforting as well.

“One who is like unto God,” brought me immediately to the story from Luke’s gospel (Lk 15: 11-32) of the “Prodigal Son.” Specifically, I was reminded of the father and his actions in the story. In summation:  

  • He saw and understood that his son needed this time of departure for his own growth.
  • He likely understood that his son’s efforts would fail and bring him disappointment.
  • He hoped that one day his son might return to the home where he was loved.
  • He waited and watched. Every day, standing at the gate, looking to see if his son was coming home.
  • When his son came home, the father didn’t punish or reprimand him. Neither did he say, “I told you so.”  Instead, he welcomed him home with open arms and held a celebration for his return.

In the story, the father represents God.  The son represents humanity. For us, the story of the Prodigal Son is an invitation to acknowledge the human need to seek out and explore who we are and our place in the world. It is also the reminder that the ultimate destination of that journey is (re)Union with God/Self. We are both the son and the father at different times in our journey. Sometimes we are the son boldly going out into the world despite the warnings of our family, friends, etc. Sometimes we succeed. Often, we fail. At other times, we are in the position of the father – watching and observing our loved ones (and the world) fumbling about in their journey of being human and we want like mad to share our wisdom, warn them of pitfalls, rescue them and save them from themselves. Our well-meaning attempts to intervene often blow up in our face, or our guidance is simply rejected.

For most of my life, I’ve been the son – going out into the world in defiance of the warnings and cautions delivered by well-meaning elders. Sometimes their warnings proved true. Other times I experienced freedom and liberation from these choices – albeit often with a fair amount of suffering. The human journey, no matter how perfectly we follow another’s, or our own guidance is not without suffering.

Now, when I hear the words “Like Unto God,” I am aware it’s time to be more like God. What I mean in being more like God, I mean this:

  • Watching and observing human beings being human beings.
  • Avoiding the temptation to judge the actions and decisions of others.
  • Allowing humanity to go along on its journey unhindered, even if it means toward their own destruction.
  • Staying out of the way – not interfering and not attempting to intervene.
  • Avoiding the temptation to fix, save, or rescue.
  • Remembering that humanity sometimes learns best through failure.
  • While staying out of the way, holding them all in loving compassion.
  • Being available as support and counsel when called upon without attachment to the outcome.

Ugh!  All these things are so difficult, especially when the individual(s) in question are those I love and care about. But the truth is, I’m not sure there’s any other choice. It is only our ego/false-self that believes we know what is best for another. (For God’s sake, we don’t even know what’s best for ourselves!)  While we may be able to predict the downfall of another’s decision, and the downfall does indeed happen, that doesn’t mean the failure wasn’t exactly what the individual needed for their own personal growth. While we might see and know, we will never be omniscient. While we may accept the invitation to “be like unto God,” we will never actually be God. It is this truth that keeps us humble in our humanly journey of being human and our spiritual journey of hoping to be more like God. In neither will we ever be perfect – which is the whole entire point.


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Spiritual Appropriation and White Privilege

Today I write with a question for our community. It is a question about which I welcome and invite your response. The question is about spiritual appropriation and white (colonizer) privilege. When seeking definitions related to this topic, I found Google to be the most succinct:

Cultural appropriation is the adoption of elements from a minority culture by a dominant culture in a way that is disrespectful, exploitative, or that strips the cultural element of its original meaning. A key factor in identifying appropriation is the power imbalance between the dominant and minority cultures, where the dominant group benefits from something that the marginalized group may be mocked or punished for. 

Key Characteristics

  • Power Imbalance: 

The act often occurs when a dominant culture borrows from a marginalized or minority culture, leveraging its power to gain benefits from the culture it is borrowing from. 

  • Disrespect and Exploitation: 

Elements are taken without understanding their significance, which can strip them of their original meaning or turn them into a stereotype. 

  • Lack of Credit or Compensation: 

The dominant group may profit from or receive credit for cultural elements, without acknowledging their source or providing compensation to the marginalized group. 

  • Reinforcing Oppression: 

The act can reinforce harmful stereotypes or contribute to the oppression of the marginalized group. 

I have seen examples of this throughout my spiritual journey – from people of white, European descent taking on rituals and practices of indigenous people or adopting devotional practices that originated in West Africa and arrived here through slave-trade. I have admittedly been somewhat guilty of this myself as my spiritual journey guided me toward teachers and scriptures, rituals and practice that are not of my own Catholic, Western European ancestry.

Appropriation becomes a difficult question, especially for descendants of colonizers who in the melting pot of the United States, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada, find ourselves in cultures without a culture. In the journey of trying to find ourselves, we are also looking for what defines us and speaks to us as a culture. In this exploration, it is natural to seek outside the (mostly Christian) traditions that were handed down to us through our ancestry.

But in exploring these non-white, non-Christian traditions, beliefs, and practice, when does it become appropriation?

In responding to this question, I can only speak for myself, and the answer comes several-fold:

  1. The first part of my response is in the fact that in every “other” tradition/practice I have explored, I was always brought back to what I already know and which I can authentically claim as part of my own ancestry. In exploring, I have found truths and teachings that mirror and deepen what I have learned through my own Catholic/Christian contemplative practices. Through Eastern wisdom literature, for example, my adherence to Jesus’ teachings on oneness, love, etc. has only become more sure.
  2. Fact: the Catholic Church is one of the first and worst colonizers of indigenous people.  Catholic rituals have their roots in Judaism, Hellenism, the Roman culture, and the existing pre-Christian communities of the Mediterranean basin, and Western Europe. In its march west and north, the Catholic Church gobbled up (appropriated) the traditions and practices of the people they sought to subjugate. As my Celtic/Irish ancestors were one of those most targeted, I feel entitled to reclaiming these rituals and practices for myself without apology. If the frame drum (bodhran) and Irish female Shamanism is a part of my ancestry, then I feel it is not only my right, but my duty, to reclaim it.
  3. If, in the context of my professional work, I find myself sharing a practice or ritual from a culture outside my own (which is rare), I give credit along with the name of those from whom I learned the practice and/or was given permission to share.
  4. I really, really, really try to stay in my own lane. Hence, the use of primarily Judeo-Christian contemplative practices, Judeo-Christian scripture (canonical and otherwise), and Judeo-Christian or Irish ritual practices. If it’s not from my ancestors, or the tradition in which I was raised, I don’t feel I have a right to it.
  5. Now, there are two roads for me where walking the fine line of spiritual appropriation as a person of white European ancestry gets a little tricky.  Yoga and Pre-Christian/Jewish mysticism (ie: the Kabbalah).  I practice yoga. I have studied Vedic teachings and thought. I have been trained in chakra theory. I participate in Vedic chant and kirtan. From original source material, I have been a devoted student of Kabbalah and have utilized both the Practical and Mystical Kabbalah for my own spiritual development. I, unfortunately, have not had access to the guidance of a Rabbinical teacher of Kabbalah. Neither have I studied under the guidance of an Indian Vedic guru. These latter two points are probably a good thing as I could never become so arrogant in either field as to claim expertise. As I openly say to my students and friends who have explored these topics with me, “I don’t even know enough to get myself in trouble

Again, I bring this topic forward for community discussion and exploration. For me, I think the line between spiritual appreciation and spiritual appropriation lays in questions of ancestry and use. For me, ancestry is clear. Use is maybe a little less clear. Am I financially benefiting from something I learned from another culture? Maybe. Sometimes. Am I giving proper credit to the origin of what I share?  Hopefully always!  Am I causing harm to the originating culture in the sharing and use of these practices?  I sure hope not.

As a person of white, European, colonizer ancestry, I feel it is critically important that we ask ourselves these questions. I will also admit the answers are sometimes unclear and we might make mistakes along the way.

I welcome your thoughts and reflections on this topic! 

Thank you!

With love,

Lauri

Love is Kindness

Yesterday, nearly 7 million Americans gathered as an outward example of Love in what has been called the “No Kings” rallies. Contrary to dispersions cast, there were ZERO violent acts within or among those who gathered. Beyond the perception of politics, people of all ages and genders gathered to express their support of the freedoms promised by the US Constitution and on behalf of those who have been maligned and mistreated by those who have forgotten how to Love.

Love, in the context of the human identity, can only be understood in one way – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you;” or as Jesus has been quoted as saying, “Love one another as I have loved you.” For those who claim to follow Jesus, or call him their savior, it is to Jesus’ words and actions that one might understand Jesus’ commandment about love. Jesus’ example is clear:

  • He treated people of all beliefs, social standing, race, and gender with love, honor, and respect.
  • He focused his attention on those who were marginalized in his culture: women, children, the poor, the sick, the ostracized, those who the culture condemned as unclean, those condemned by the culture as sinful and undeserving of God’s grace. 
  • Jesus welcomed those otherwise shunned.
  • He defined what it meant to be love: giving sight to the blind, visiting prisoners, setting captives free, care and provide for those who cannot care for themselves.

In short, Jesus’ example is one of kindness – to every single person whatever their need might be.

Also, as Bono of U2 described in the lyrics he wrote for song of the same name:

Love is Blindness.

To exercise the kindness Love requires, we must take on a sort of blindness. Blindness in this case is related to judgment. To truly Love, we must set aside the conditioning and experiences we have had which may have prejudiced us against others, or which has caused us to separate each other into “us and them.” Love sees no separation – only the fact that we are ONE human race, each deserving of love, respect, honor, and care.

This is what I saw in the “No Kings” gatherings – not a bunch of people against something, but a mass of people for humanity. We are one humanity on an individual and collective journey toward Love. Kindness is one path that helps us to get there.


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The Secular Modern Monastic

Well, I had planned on presenting this topic in my own words, but as it turns out, Google did a much better job:

A secular modern monastic is a person who lives a life of discipline, prayer, and service within the secular world, without adhering to traditional religious rules like celibacy or cloistered living. These individuals find spiritual fulfillment through practices like meditation, mindfulness, and a commitment to self-improvement or community work, often within the context of their existing family and career lives. This approach emphasizes spiritual practices over religious dogma and is sometimes seen as an alternative to traditional religion for those who still seek a disciplined and purpose-driven life. 

Key characteristics

  • Integration into modern life: 

Rather than leaving society, secular monastics practice their spirituality within it, engaging in daily activities with a monastic mindset. 

  • Focus on self-improvement: 

A common theme is working on oneself, which can include practices like meditation and personal development. 

  • Service-oriented: 

Like traditional monks, secular monastics often engage in acts of service, though their methods are adapted to a modern context. 

  • Community-based: 

Some groups form communities that support each other in their practices and daily lives. 

  • Flexibility: 

These movements are often diverse and flexible, creating their own “rules of life” that are adaptable to a secular framework. 

  • Spiritual practice over dogma: 

The focus is on the practice of prayer, meditation, and contemplation, rather than on religious doctrine or supernatural beliefs. 

With a couple of my own edits, this pretty much sums it up.

The Secular Modern Monastic isn’t an entirely new creation as there have always been individuals outside of traditional monasticism who have felt called to a more gentle, contemplative way of life. The Desert Mothers and Fathers, and the Beguines are two such examples of contemplative people forging their own path – the former in solitude away from society, the latter a community of individuals living their monastic calling in the midst of their everyday lives – connected through their common call.

Monastics have always been with us, and their purpose has always been the same. While sometimes emerging out of a specific religious tradition, their true purpose transcends belief or doctrine. Instead, they – WE are here to show humanity another way. We are here to show humanity a way out of the imprisonment of the human condition – one that is most often ruled by fear and producing non-loving behaviors that arise out of that fear. Fear is ultimately what compels humans to be gluttonous, selfish, greedy, envious, slothful, vengeful, and vain. Out of their spiritual practice and journey of self-discovery and improvement, secular monastics have learned to transform their fear, coming more and more fully to understand their original nature as Love. Love then, rather than fear, becomes the guiding force of their life which allows them to escape the mechanisms of fear used by the overriding culture.

Modern secular monastics defy the status quo. We are immune to the ministrations of the ruling system of power and control. Not only do we not fit into the system, it is nearly impossible for us to dwell within it. It is for this reason that many find themselves outside the system.

In those newly discovering their monastic calling, the question of community will often surface. As one client has frequently asked, “where do we go?” The answer is simple – we go within. In my experience, there are no formal communities that can hold the secular modern monastic. Instead, we are invited to let community redefine itself. For me, the answer to the question of community is simple: Community has found me. This community is made up of a random and unrelated group of individuals who have all gathered around a specific intention – to be a force of Love in the world. I count among this community my biological family, friends, former and existing clients and students. Some live near me, but the vast majority are scattered around the world doing their own thing and shining their own light. What is common among them is that they are somehow connected to me (I know, weird).

Ultimately, there is no one specific form of secular modern monasticism.  When we allow it, it takes on the exact form that we need – a form that we may never have expected.

“Monastic” is a Temperament

As I allow myself to ease more deeply into the monastic life that has presented itself to me, I am increasingly convinced that “monastic” isn’t made. Neither is it chosen. Instead, it seems, like the Enneagram that suggests we are born our Type (perfectionist, helper, performer, etc.), if we are meant to be monastic, we are born that way. From this perspective, we could say that monastic is a temperament (the more accurate term used in the Enneagram system to describe our type).

I am fortunate to find myself surrounded by those of monastic temperament. Whether it be family, friends, or acquaintances, I have come to identify common traits and preferences that seem to be present among those likely born of monastic temperament who over time have come to choose a monastic lifestyle. The traits that I have been able to identify include (but are not limited to) the following:

  • A tendency toward introversion.
  • Preferring solitude to crowds.
  • Comfortable (even thriving) in silence.
  • Choosing one-on-one interactions over group interactions.
  • Become easily overwhelmed in crowds.
  • Feel vulnerable in the presence of loud sounds, bright lights, frantic movement, high-stress or high-activity environments.
  • Sensitive to other people’s feelings, may even feel them as their own.
  • Sensitive to the plight of humanity.
  • Challenged by a capitalistic culture that places value on and promises to reward people for activity, achievement, etc.
  • Tend not to be competitive.
  • Prefer athletic interests that are solo or singular over team sports.
  • Interested in personal growth and development.
  • Focused on healing the wounds of their past so they can feel better about themselves and better serve the world.
  • Feel a deep call to service.
  • Quiet. Introspective.
  • Often invisible (or feel invisible) to the world.
  • Feel as if they don’t fit in to “regular” society.
  • If in society, they often feel a deep need to escape.
  • Whether by choice or circumstance, finding themselves living simply.
  • Not motivated by money, status, or power.
  • Struggle with imposter syndrome.
  • May suffer from chronic illness including perceived mental health issues. (are they illnesses or mental health issues or simply the consequences of living in a world not made for us?)
  • Find enjoyment in simple activities such as reading, meditating, listening to music, cooking, gardening, being in nature.

By no means is this list exhaustive, but these are some of the common traits I have seen in those finding themselves living a monastic life. As much as we are unable to choose our temperament, it seems also that living a monastic life is not a choice. In the way I have experienced it and observed this in others, it seems that if we are called to be monastic, life will take us there no matter what. For the vast majority of those I know currently living monastically, (including myself) they arrived here kicking and screaming.  This is the force of a culture that demands we be productive members of society and defines productivity by how hard we work and how much our work supports the gross national product (the wealth of the elite). The monastic temperament defies that culture for our purpose here is not to be part of the status quo, but to show humanity another way.


New Program Launch Special

The Magdalene Order of Melchizedek

The Primordial Tradition of Mysticism and Magic

Ancient tools and practices for attaining Divine Union.

The Magdalene Order of Melchizedek, created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, OPM, MATS, is a two-year training program with the goal of supporting participants in attaining and maintaining Divine Union. Drawing from the ancient mystical system of the Kabbalah, participants will gain knowledge and effective tools for healing the deep inner separation that prevents them from knowing their true nature and origin in Love. Remembering union with Love, participants become a vessel through which wholeness and Love are made manifest in our world.

The Magdalene Order of Melchizedek is made up of six individual courses completed in succession and includes 6 one-on-one mentoring sessions with Lauri Ann Lumby.

Program Value: $3700.00

Two payment options:

Payment Plan: 18 payments of $189.00 each.