The Ego Trap of Future Thinking

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

As human beings we are gifted with an instinctual response to pain. This response urges us to do whatever we can to escape pain. In many cases, this instinctual escape response has saved our lives. It may have caused us to pull our hand away from a flame, to run from a burning building, or to seek shelter in the face of a storm. This instinctual response has proven beneficial when facing life or death situations and has ensured that humanity would endure, despite the hardships of being human.

An important quality of this escape response is that it serves us when danger is imminent. This instinctual response is meant for the present moment only, and was never meant to become part of our ongoing psychology. Animals, for example, experience those moments of fight or flight and then are done with them, free to move about their daily lives with a certain measure of ease. They do what they need to do to obtain nourishment. They sleep. They play. They poop. They mate. They don’t waste their time on worry.  As such, they live their lives free of the ongoing obsession with preparing to flee (or fight).

Such is not the case with human beings. Instead, we have been conditioned to exhaust our thoughts and our energies with preparing for possible threat so much so that the present moment itself has become a threat from which we must escape. This is where future thinking has come in.

Future thinking is anything and everything that takes us out of the present moment. (Past thinking does the same thing, but in the opposite direction).

Future thinking arises out of the idea that where we are right now isn’t good enough.

We’re not happy enough. We’re not well enough. We don’t have what we want. We want for more. We’re not pretty enough or skinny enough. We don’t yet own red-soled shoes. We’re lonely. Alone. Afraid. We’re not good enough, rich enough. We aren’t famous. The goal we once set out to accomplish has died on the vine. We haven’t yet met our soulmate. Love has eluded us. We’ve accomplished all we set out to do and we still find ourselves dissatisfied.

Future thinking casts us into the hell of wishing, hoping, dreaming, praying, manifesting, for that which we do not currently have, enforcing the illusion that there is something out there, in the future, that will finally make us happy and ease the pain of being human. Future thinking then causes us to seek outside of ourselves, reach outside of ourselves, throw money at things outside of ourselves that promise to have the secrets to what out there, and in the future, will make us feel better – take away and ease our pain.

Literally every industry is guilty of enforcing future thinking. Education that tells us we will have a meaningful job and abundant wealth after investing thousands on their degree. Healthcare that tells us this treatment will save us, and while there might only be a 0.03% chance of a cure, it will be worth the millions of dollars spent and months of agony for the 0.03% chance we might be cured. Corporations who promise their product will guarantee happiness, make you beautiful, stop the signs of aging, help you lose weight, become cured of … etc. Religion for promising our suffering will be rewarded by a lifetime of happiness in the afterlife or that our prayers will make our circumstances change. Self-help programs which promise wealth and happiness. The Secret and similar new thought programs which tell us our future depends on our good thoughts. Astrology that promises us love and money after x,y,z planet becomes aligned in this perfect way. Psychics who promise better times ahead. Mediums who promise that if we heal the wounds of our ancestors all will be well. Shamans who promise to remove the demon from your second chakra which is blocking your way to wealth. New Age and Ascension practitioners who keep promising if we buy their program, we will receive the codes we need to open our pathways to love, happiness, and wealth.

The key words used in future thinking are: If…then

If you do this, then you will get that. The devil (an outward manifestation of the inner adversary/The Ego), used this trick with Jesus in the story of Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness. (Ref Luke 4: 1-14)

“If you turn this bread into stone then you will prove to me you are the son of God.”

“If you worship me, I will give you all these as your kingdom.”

“If you throw yourself down from this parapet you will prove to me God’s words that the angels will pick you up.”

Today’s future thought purveyors are no different. “If you do what we tell you, buy what we are selling, believe as we believe, do as we describe, THEN all your dreams will be fulfilled, and your pain and suffering will come to an end. But the truth is, NONE of these have the power to change the present moment, neither do they have the power to change the human experience.

Pain and suffering are the consequences of being human. So are happiness and joy. It is all part of our human journey and there is absolutely nothing we can do to escape this. There is no magic pill, right thought, or future fantasy that will change the reality of being human.

The key to finding peace and contentment in the human experience has nothing whatsoever to do with the future, and instead has everything to do with being fully present to the NOW. Jesus did not say the kingdom of God was in the future. He said it is in our midst, right here, right now, within and among us (Luke 17:20-21). The NOW is not something to escape. It is something to embrace, allowing ourselves to be fully present to what is right now, instead of wasting our time wishing, hoping, dreaming, fantasizing for a better tomorrow.

Disclaimer: I fully admit to being occupied with future thought myself, throwing my money at future thought purveyors and making future thought promises myself. It’s an ego trap I admit to having fallen into and I am making decisions today that are helping me to unravel from this trap. Join me if you feel so-called.

The End of the Guru Age

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

For the past 5000-10000 years (since the advent of hierarchy), we have been conditioned to believe that there is some outside force who:

  1. Is the source of Truth (universal Truth and our own truth).
  2. Is the cause and source of salvation.

Every tradition has its own names for these outside perceived authorities: guru, priest, savior, psychic, etc. For all these years, people have sought after these outside perceived authorities for guidance and direction in their lives, hoping for them to tell them what to do and how to live their lives. During this time, people have also sought after those who others have told them will save them (from whatever it is they need saving). For thousands of years, people have given their money, their soul, their devotion, and their worship to these outside perceived saviors when all along they have within them the vehicle and knowledge for their own salvation.

There is no one outside of us who can save us! Period!

Jesus knew this. The Buddha knew this. Indigenous teachers knew this. And yet humanity has taken and twisted their messages in such a way as to further condition society’s addiction to outside saviors.

Jesus did not come to save us in the way we’ve been taught! He was not some divine sacrifice for humanity’s “sins.” (In the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, Jesus is quoted as saying, “There is no sin.”)  Jesus never said that we had to proclaim him our personal Lord and Savior in order to be saved. These are the hierarchy’s words used to enforce humanity’s obedience to the religion they created in Jesus’ name.

Instead, Jesus taught his companions how to access and take root in the salvation that was already present within them. He showed them how to unhinge from the hierarchical conditioning under which they had been enslaved. He supported them in finding the source of their own inner truth and to understand that this source (which Jesus called Love) is God within them.

It was for this that Jesus was killed. He spoke Truth to power, questioning the status quo, and challenging the culture of codependency that had been fostered by the self-appointed religious and political authorities who benefitted from those who feared them.

Two thousand years ago, Jesus, and others like him, presented a new (original) example of personally responsibility to our own Truth and to the Source of salvation within us. Today, we find ourselves at the threshold of the world they envisioned and where the fruits of their labors are finding their fulfillment. Here we are being given a profound choice: we can continue to remain enslaved by the guru mindset where our salvation and the path of our truth are only accessible through some outside perceived authority, or we can enter into the new world where we are our own guru – knowing that the Source of Truth is within us, and that this is the true path to salvation.

In other words:  stop throwing your money and obedience to some external source of Truth and learn how to find the answers within.

Living Below the Mean

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Since 2011 I have been living below the mean and median income of my local community of Oshkosh, WI. Many of those years I have lived far below the poverty level for a family of three.

I’m sharing this information, not for pity, but to put a face on poverty and to shine a light on how most of the people in our community live. For you see, there is a profound misconception in our community (and likely others) of those who live in poverty. Contrary to popular misconceptions, many (likely most) of those who live below the mean are educated, hard-working, responsible, individuals who either by choice or circumstance are making a living much lower than that of their peers.

For me, living below the mean has been part choice and part circumstance. After my divorce, I chose to continue to be as available for my children as I had been during my marriage. I wanted to continue the business I had begun to build while married and maintain the flexibility required when co-parenting two children. I chose to work during the time my children were with their father and adjusted that according to his travel schedule. I packed an easy 40 hours into the work days I had available – making the most of the time I had while dedicating the rest of the time to my children. These choices, and the reality of owning a service business, meant that we didn’t have many extras. I also made many sacrifices so my children could have what they needed. These were personal choices that I gladly made, and my children prove to me daily that I made the right choice. They are absolutely fabulous human beings of whom I could not be more proud!

Then there are the circumstances. Being a sole proprietor in a service industry has its ups and downs. Some years are better than others and location makes a difference. If I were in a bigger city like Minneapolis or Chicago, the work I do is considered common place and is part of the everyday language. When I say “spiritual director” or “Reiki Master” in Oshkosh, all I get is blank stares. Things began to improve as I took my business online, but then you must compete with the millions of others who are seemingly doing what you are doing (they’re not, but the general population doesn’t get that).

In short, I work in a fringe industry and a lot of the fringe doesn’t have money either.  Yes, I could look for other employment, and I have, but when you throw education, experience, and age into the mix, the reality of ageism kicks in and you find yourself relegated to the “secretary pool” where you’re not really wanted because you know how to and have had the experience of thinking for yourself.  It’s a lose-lose situation, one I know I’m not alone in as I chat with my friends of a certain age who have similarly found it difficult to secure gainful employment – even after a lifetime of experience in their chosen industry.

This is the reality. I have my own business (which hasn’t done well the last couple years), and a part-time clerical job. I’m making barely enough to pay my rent (in an increasingly expensive housing market) and a few odd things. Somehow it always works out, but usually by the skin of my teeth. AND I’m one of the lucky ones. Living close to or below the mean means that there are MANY who are living with far less. In this I am humbled and grateful. I also have the support of friends and family who regularly step in with support and I know who I can turn to if I’m really in trouble. Most people don’t have that. So again, I’m grateful.

Finally, I want to make it really clear to those in the back who continue to maintain a certain perception and attitude toward people like myself living below the mean:

  • For me it’s a choice and a circumstance. For MOST it’s not a choice.
  • I am a college educated 58 year old woman.  I have a BA in Business and Marketing. A Masters in Transpersonal Psychology. AND several advanced certificates and specialized trainings. I have run my own business since 2003 and in that time have published eleven books and over thirty online courses and trainings. I work hard and continue to offer my services on a sliding scale because I know MANY could not otherwise afford them. I have also continually been an active and involved member of our community.

Oh yeah, then there’s the chronic illness. That just adds another layer in considering choices and circumstances that impact the reality of living below the mean.

*Image credit: https://www.point2homes.com/US/Neighborhood/WI/Oshkosh-Demographics.html

Hating Our Bodies?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I’m not exactly sure when I started hating my body. I do know I didn’t always hate it. In fact, for a fair part of my childhood I didn’t give my body a second thought. It just was. It wore clothes. It gave me movement. It housed my organs and my mind and in some invisible place, my soul.

I’m guessing the hatred started somewhere between puberty and girls suddenly getting separated into categories of pretty (ie: popular) or smart.  Apparently if you were smart you couldn’t be pretty, even if you were.  As such, smart = unpopular – which mostly meant boys didn’t like you so neither did the pretty girls. (I still don’t consider myself attractive even though many have insisted otherwise). Ugh!

I’m guessing it started there. From that point forward, I learned to idealize thin, and came up with the idea that 113 pounds on my 5 foot seven frame was my goal. For many years, 113 was no problem.  I ate what I wanted. I didn’t concern myself with exercise. I just naturally stayed somewhere between 113 and 115 pounds. Then things began to change and my frustration with my body’s refusal to comply with my wishes turned to hatred. In a subconscious attempt to reinforce this self-hatred, I made sure to only date men who were equally, if not more, obsessed with emaciated women. Now I had two voices in my head shaming me for eating or daring to have flesh on my bones.

Tens of years, two children, chronic illness, menopause, medication, and tens of pounds later, I still despise my body. What’s most ironic about the hatred now is that I’m finally the size and shape I always imagined myself to be even when I weighed a really unhealthy 113. The weight I carry now is not for lack of healthy exercise or because of poor food choices. In fact, I’m not sure my food choices could be any better. I am aware, however, of the complete lack of enjoyment in eating, and all that I deprive myself of enjoying because “it might make me even more fat!”  UGH! I also know that by 99% of the population’s standards, I am nowhere near fat, but I think I am, and that’s all that matters.

And I know I’m not alone. I despise our culture for what it has done to women in causing us to hate our bodies. It would be easy to cast a finger of blame at the media, fashion magazines, TV, and movies. They’re an easy target. Another less obvious target: The American Medical system. We’re all familiar!  At every doctor visit we’re weighed and measured, asked how we eat, and how often we exercise. Then our blood is tested for anything that might indicate early death from heart disease from being too FAT. I’m not eschewing good health, but who is it that is determining what is healthy and what is not? You got it – white American men who have been conditioned by the same “stay thin” mentality as we have.  ☹

But what if we’re not fat? Better yet, why does it matter?  Some of the most attractive women I know have abundant curves. Right off the bat I think of actress and model Liris Crosse and clothing designer Kenya Freeman. Beautiful, curvy, healthy women who are enjoying life and loving themselves. I want to love myself like they seemingly do.

Don’t we all?  What would happen if we really started loving ourselves? Loving our bodies exactly how they are without having to squeeze, starve, manipulate, torture, botox our bodies into some idealized form that isn’t even real. 113 was only healthy for me when I was a pre-pubescent teen. As a post-menopausal woman of 58, despite what our culture and even our medical system want to tell me, my current weight must be the right one for me because I’m doing all the right things. This is simply where my body wants to be. Not to mention, a few extra pounds after menopause is actually a good thing as it is in fat that estrogen is stored which we desperately need to keep our bones healthy and strong.

I know this all in my head but that doesn’t change the unhealed wounds or the voice in my head that continues to shame me for being “fat” and which is constantly chastising me for not being thin. It’s a constant voice in my head.

This is where I turn to my spiritual practice and the Authentic Freedom protocol I developed for healing these inner wounds. For the next thirty days, I am committing myself to a “Loving my Body” practice.  Perhaps, you would like to join me.

Image Credit: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen, CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

When You Can’t Help Them

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

One of the deepest griefs is when we realize that no matter our efforts or good intentions, we cannot help those who don’t want to be helped or who have no desire to change.

No matter the gifts we have or how another’s life might benefit from those gifts, even when they ask to partake of our gifts, if they’re unwilling to apply these gifts, they will remain in whatever state of misery they’ve gathering around themselves.

I remember someone once asking for my guidance and support on a particular matter. Knowing my guidance wouldn’t sway them, I said no. They begged and pleaded, and I kept saying no, duly warning them, “You’re not going to like what I have to say.” They insisted, while promising they trusted me and took great stock in my wisdom. Finally I gave them what they asked for. They haven’t spoken to me since.

Another time, I knew a certain relationship would fail. This time I held my tongue. What business was it of mine who someone decides to marry? Instead, I waited and watched – all the time recognizing the confirmation of what I already knew. When the end I always knew was coming finally arrived, in a moment of what I thought might be support, I shared what I had always known – that the relationship would fail. They also haven’t spoken to me since.

Even when people insist they want our gifts, they do not. Not unless they are the kind of person who truly wants to grow and who is able and willing to be radically accountable to their wounds while acknowledging the reason why they have clung to them so strongly. Only then might our gifts be of help. Otherwise, we cannot help them.

Know Your Worth

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

You are a precious child of God/Love, of this there can be no doubt. And yet, life often wears us down to the point where we forget this critical truth.

Worn down is exactly where I have been as I’ve watched the work of thirty years die on the vine. All of that by which I had come to define myself seems to have come to an end. My children are grown up and out of the house. The books I had in me are out in the world. My burst of artistic creativity in the form of spiritual icons seems to have lost its fire. My remaining clients and students are few. It’s not enough to sustain me financially so I’ve been forced to “get a real job.” It’s a good “real job,” but it’s only part time and still not enough (just barely covers my rent and a few of my regular bills).

Life is strange when you’re fifty-eight and you find there’s nothing left in your hands. It’s even stranger when well-meaning friends, relatives, and even strangers try to offer encouragement, support and things you could “do” to drum up more business.

Sigh. I feel like I’ve done all that. I have no more efforting in me. The desire to hustle for my business died long ago and the thought of creating marketing materials to target a whole new audience exhausts me beyond exhaustion.

I’m too old for this shit. Been there done that…..and what exactly do I have to show for all the darn efforting and for everything I sacrificed to pursue what I still believe is my calling. I have the gifts for it and people benefit from the sharing of my gifts. But still……

Yesterday well-meaning ideas were put before me and my whole body recoiled. I could feel my Soul entering panic mode and my mind started to shut down. Knowing my own discernment response, I excused myself from the gathering and acknowledged that there was something out of alignment for me with the suggestions. I brought this awareness into my sleep and welcomed it into my prayers this morning.

As it turned out, the Universe had a lot to say.

  1. A FB post from a friend in which she said, “I no longer know who I am.” BOOM!  That hit me between the eyeballs!  Ditto sister!
  2. Reading the Tao, words that remind my Soul of my truth:

Bend and you will be whole.

Keep empty and you will be filled.

Have little and you will gain.

3. Scripture randomly floating into my brain:

Don’t cast your pearls before swine. (MT 7:6)

4. And a reading from my Kali oracle deck:

Your path need not be one of endless effort.

All of these a reminder to know my worth, trusting and honoring what I know about myself and my own truth. I’m done casting my gifts to the wind and having them either blow back in my face, fall on the ground in front of me, or get blown away never to return. I know my worth and whatever the Universe has in store for this empty vessel that I’ve become will find its way to me for I am indeed a precious child of God/Love.   

Surprised I Talk About Jesus?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

People are often surprised to hear me talk about Jesus and even more surprised to learn that I teach about him. Actually, I don’t teach about Jesus, my teaching models his.

The Jesus I know may not be the same as the one you were taught about or the one whose teachings were twisted to fit the agenda of the patriarchal, hierarchical institution you belong to or were raised in.

The Jesus I know is Love – pure and simple.  Love. In this Love there is no room for discrimination, bigotry, ignorance, or hatred. The Love that Jesus embodied does not judge, but treats each human being with dignity and respect, celebrating their unique giftedness and diversity while mindful of the woundedness they may carry. The Jesus I know embodied compassion and understanding, listened deeply, hearing the truth beyond the words, and seeing the truth beyond the illusion. This Jesus never sought to start a new religion, only to remind his own Jewish brothers and sisters of the Love that dwelled within them and of the Unity that existed beyond the division of religious dogma – the Truth their ancestors once knew but quickly forgot.

The Jesus I know is the Jesus before men hungry for power appropriated his name for their own political gain. The Jesus before politicians used his name to justify genocide. The Jesus before a Church was built in his name that then went on to commit horrors against those who refused to give up their own beliefs for a god made in Rome’s image, against innocent children, and against women and men who through the wisdom of nature and their ancestors had the power to help and heal.  The Jesus before pulpit preachers attributed Jesus to their own fear-based message of hellfire and brimstone through which they could then exact pounds of flesh or coffers of coins from those willing to be manipulated by their words.

My Jesus is not Joel Olsteen’s Jesus, neither is he the Jesus used by the Church in which I was raised to claim themselves to be “the one true Church.” The Jesus I know didn’t die for our sins, but instead, died for the sake of the Truth of Oneness that he was called to teach (which in a way is dying for our sins). The Jesus I know came to heal the sick, liberate those imprisoned by their own unhealed wounds and conditioned fears.  He came to open the eyes of those who refuse to see and the ears of those who prefer to turn a deaf ear to Love.

This is the Jesus I have come to know and if I speak of his name, this is the Jesus about whom I speak.

Oh yeah…..and the Jesus I know isn’t white.

Just Trying to Survive the Apocalypse

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

There’s a meme that’s been making its way around social media that speaks volumes to where many of us are finding ourselves at this point in our apocalyptic journey.  The meme goes like this:

For real though!  This is exactly what it’s come down to. As the world around us is imploding upon itself, we have two choices – get destroyed by the implosion or find a way to survive. Not really by my own choice, it seems I’m trying to survive! I know many of you might say the same. It’s not that we want to die, it’s that we don’t want to live in the world as it is and where it seems to be going. Not ones to go down with a sinking ship, we’re either swimming as fast as we can, or more likely, just treading water as we’ve used up every last resource trying to change an unchangeable tide. Or even more likely, no longer treading water even, just hanging out in survival float (dead man’s float) while we watch the whole world around us losing its damn mind.

The world in which is are living is insane. I don’t need to list all the symptoms of this insanity. All we have to do is turn to the news headlines and listen for the truth beyond the words. The house of cards that became the so-called “United States of America” (ie, new Roman Empire) is in full-fledged collapse, as is every other institution built on fear, power, oppression, and control. When the highest court in the land is shown to be corrupt at its core and its judgements bought and paid for, we know we are nearing the end.

Whether we are clinging to what we have known and continuing to believe the lies we’ve been told or praying for a hasty death so we can get on with building something new, we are experiencing the pain of an empire in its collapse. For me, two symptoms of that pain have been the wholesale collapse of a 30-year mission, and a cost of living increase from an over-inflated rental housing market (in a town with a median annual income of $30,000, apartments should not be $1500 – $3500 per month!). Even with the “family discount,” my rental costs are more than 50% of my income (on a good day!).

I’m not alone in this. Everyone but the 1% are suffering. (Even the 1% would admit they’re suffering if they were paying attention for what is coming for them!  Soon it will be more than just orcas. Mother Nature is clear – She’s had enough!).

In the face of impending collapse, there is really nothing we can do but wait and watch. It will do us no good to try to reform the existing systems or hope they will finally see the light of day and reform themselves. The system itself was built on shaky ground with questionable motives. In this I’m reminded of a line from a song: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” Perhaps this is the final lesson of the American experiment – only after losing everything will we finally come to know freedom.

Magdalene Priestess Training on a Budget

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Over the past many years that I have offered the online Magdalene Priestess Training, I have learned that not all participants have been utilizing (for a wide range of reasons) the one-on-one mentoring sessions that accompany the training. With this in mind, and with a view toward making this training more accessible for people on a budget, I have created the Magdalene Priestess Training on a Budget. The same 50+ weeks of course content but without the one-on-one’s. To insure the integrity of the training, I will continue to be available through the online course discussion and via email.  

Please click HERE
to learn more and see if the training is for you!

Jesus Never Promised Utopia

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Jesus NEVER spoke about or promised utopia.  He never said that heaven would be brought to earth.  He never promised the golden age in which there would be peace on earth and that humans would live in peace.  In fact, he said quite the opposite, “there will always be poor among you,” “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.”  Not once did he bother himself with the politics of humanity.  He never challenged or even mentioned the Roman rulers of the culture in which he lived.  And if he did bother himself with religion, it was to remind the religious leaders of the love that was at the core of their beliefs.  No, Jesus did not promise peace on earth and good will toward men and he did not work to make the world anew.  Instead, he made one promise, and one promise only:

The kingdom of God is within you.

THIS was the good news that Jesus preached – that the kingdom of God – the experience of peace, love, joy, harmony and contentment is right here, right now, when we take the time to go within and remember.  Jesus then demonstrated how remembering this truth of our original nature, brings forth all kinds of miracles in our lives.  In and through this connection, we come to know ourselves, we come to know our unique giftedness and we come to understand and then become empowered in how we are called to use these gifts for the sake of our own fulfillment and in service to others.

As Jesus taught his disciples, achieving this peace is an inside job and has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on in the outside world.  Nothing.  As Jesus himself demonstrated, we can be experiencing the most unspeakable form of torture (death on a cross) and still find this peace. 

Jesus taught his disciples how to remember the kingdom of God that was already there within them.  The word Jesus used to remind them of how to access this peace has been translated repent.  In the original Greek, however, this word has nothing to do with sin or punishment.  Metanoia (repent), means turning again and again and again and again to the place within where we know love, peace and joy, that which some might call God.  Period.  It is as simple as that. 

When the world out there disturbs us and causes us to fear, turn within.  When we are distracted by the events of the world that speak of violent, hatred, suffering, war, turn within.  When someone betrays us or breaks our heart, turn within.  When we experience loss, disappointment, condemnation, ridicule, turn within.  HERE is where utopia lies – not in some time or place light years away, not in some perfect alignment of the stars or when we finally think the right thoughts.  Heaven on earth is right here in the core of who we are when we take Jesus’ advice and remember.