Catholic/Christianity

Mary Magdalene: Scholarship vs. Fantasy

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

We are living through an exciting (and sometimes terrifying) time of revelation. Truths that have long been hidden are now coming to light – the consequences of which are nothing short of earth-shattering. From the Epstein files to staged assassinations, to alien disclosure – every day we are faced with some new veil being torn away along with the shock that arises for some and the “I told you so” that arises from others as together we process new levels of apocalyptic knowledge. To say we are moving through unprecedented times would be an understatement.


Preceding these recent revelations were the discovery of thousands of years old sacred texts which described stories about Jesus and his followers that shed a whole new light on the development of the Jesus movement and the beliefs of first through third century Christians. Among these lost (hidden) documents are several providing unknown details about the person, Mary, called Magdalene – her relationship with Jesus and her role in the unfolding of the early Church. Central among these documents is a gospel written in her name – The Gospel of Mary (Magdalene).


As these previously unknown texts made it into the hands of scholars, who then translated, and later published these texts, they found their way into the hands of the general public, resulting in an explosion of renewed interest in Mary, called Magdalene. This eventually brought forth a cacophony of theories about Mary – some based in scholarship, some based in legend, and others based solely on imagination. Whereas all interpretations of Mary Magdalene may provide insights that inspire and nourish us in our spiritual journeys, in our search for the authentic Magdalene, it is important to separate fiction from fact.

In our search for the authentic Magdalene,
it is important to separate fiction from fact.

As it relates to happenings of the first century of this common era, especially as it relates to the Jesus story, there is nothing that we can truly call fact. Yes, we have the scriptures. Additionally, we have a few reports from historians of the time that suggest there was a man named Jesus (Yeshua) who was crucified by the Romans in the early part of the first century. Archaeological evidence has surfaced that may or may not be related to Jesus and his kin. As much as it all may have happened, it is just as likely that none of it happened. As such, when I speak of “fact” here, I’m referring strictly to what has been presented in source materials (ancient texts), what can be surmised through historical documents, and what has persisted in cultural legend and oral traditions – knowing full-well that all of these can be, and have been disputed. There are enough consistencies among these sources, however, to credit them more than what I will otherwise refer to as fantasy.

Fantasy is something humans have simply made up. Whether it be attributed to channeling, creative imagination, or wishful thinking, fantasy has no basis in scholarship. There exist no historical documentation or archaeological findings to support it. That is not to say, however, that the insights provided through fantasy do not speak a kind of truth to us. These may ignite motivation, self-awareness, or even awakening in us. That doesn’t however mean they are true in a verifiable sense.

As it relates to the Magdalene, for example, there is absolutely nothing of scholarship to support the idea that she was a temple prostitute, a sacred sex worker, or involved in rites of Hiero-Gamos. While these ideas may speak to women and men working to transform sexual shame into sexual liberation, I find these ideas antithetical to the efforts being made to correct 1400 years of Mary Magdalene being incorrectly associated with sexual “sin.” Additionally disturbing are the attempts made to create Mary and Jesus into some kind of royal couple with a sacred lineage that later defined European aristocracy. Whereas the writer of the gospel attributed to Matthew, speaking to a strictly Jewish audience, had a specific agenda of proving that Jesus was the long-awaited Messiah of the House of David, nowhere else is this prevalent. Instead, the overwhelming message and actions of Jesus were to overturn hierarchy and privilege in favor of an egalitarian world in which all are in service to each other – the exact opposite of proclaiming or lauding his so-called “royal privilege.” By association, I believe we can say the same of the Magdalene.

In my own work with and study of the Magdalene, I find myself increasingly frustrated by the fantastical ideas put forth regarding her. Well-intentioned, or not, I find these fantasies diminish the true power of the Magdalene – a power that must be reclaimed if humanity ever hopes to survive in this tragically failing world. Mary, called Magdalene, was not Jesus’ side-piece. Neither was she the sinful woman. She would not have claimed any royal status – even if she had some. If she bore a child with Jesus, which could have happened, this child would not be any more special than any other child born out of love.

Instead, supported by scholarship, we can say the following about Mary:

• Mary was a disciple of Jesus and more than most, understood the true depths of his teaching.
• Mary received teachings from Jesus that he did not share with others.
• Magdalene is not a surname. Neither was it a place name. Instead, it seems to have been a title imparted upon her in recognition of her learning and commission.
• Mary was “cured of seven demons,” which was more likely a process of initiation/liberation that she completed under Jesus’ tutelage, than an accusation of her “sinful nature.”
• Mary was with Jesus at the foot of the cross.
• Mary assisted with his entombment.
• Mary was the first witness to the resurrection and was sent by the resurrected Christ to tell the disciples he had been raised from the dead.
• Mary delivered the news to the disciples and was immediately rejected.
• Mary experienced post-resurrection encounters of and teachings from Christ.
• Mary was later invited to share with the disciples what Jesus had taught her in secret – some accepted her teachings and some did not.
• By the Eastern and Western Churches alike, Mary was given the title “Apostle to the Apostles” in recognition of the unique commission given to her by Christ.
• At some point, Mary separated from the Jerusalem community and took her understanding of Jesus’s teachings elsewhere where she likely shared them with others. Some legends suggest Alexandria, Egypt and others Provence, France. The Greek Orthodox Church reports her as teaching in Rome, and eventually Ephesus. The Catholic Church loosely supports the legend of Mary in Provence.
• There exists a long-standing tradition that Mary was highly regarded as a teacher and a healer, in her own right, imparting deeply transformational knowledge to those who would hear her.

As it relates to all other things suggested of the Magdalene, (including my own personal theories and fantasies) I treat them with proper discernment – immediately discarding the ridiculous, while holding the possibility that within the theory might reside some seed of truth. For as anthropologist, Ron Wetherington once said,

“All stories are true. Some of them actually happened.”

Lauri Ann Lumby is the creator, facilitator, and spiritual director of the first, and only, Mary Magdalene training that is rooted in true scholarship, academic research, canonical and non-canonical scripture, and the deeply held traditions of Judeo/Christian contemplative practice. The goal and measurable outcome of this in-depth training is the embodiment of Universal Love and the knowledge of self such that one is led to a rich and meaningful life of service to the betterment of the world through their own unique gifts.

Learn more here

Universal (Personal) Jesus

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 4 Comments

As we are approaching Easter, thoughts of Jesus are running through my head. Who was Jesus? Who IS Jesus? Was Jesus real? Was he made up? Is he “Savior?” and if so, for whom? These are the questions that get batted around in theological circles. People have gone to war over these questions. People have been killed for answering these questions “incorrectly.” And yet, after 2000+ years, there is no conclusive answer to these questions – except those which men have created into dogma. But who’s to say any of that is even true?

To me, none of this matters. Whether Jesus was or wasn’t, lived or died, was crucified died and rose again, or is planning to return has zero impact on my faith. Why? Because faith transcends belief while defying logic.

As I am equally romantic and pragmatic, I can allow all answers to be true. I can also allow for them to be false. Because, at the end of the day, we have very little verifiable, scientific evidence to prove any of it. Instead, all we really have is faith. Not what others have told us to believe. Instead, what do we personally believe about Jesus? What have/has been our own personal experiences of Jesus (if any)?

For me, the answer to this question begins with scripture – both canonical and non-canonical. Whereas scripture has been traditionally contained within the doctrinal jurisdiction of religion, my experience is that scripture transcends religion. As an historical work, containing the pseudo-history of a people, scripture provides a narrative within a specific context. Scripture is worthy of study simply for this purpose. Understanding who wrote the different books of the bible, when they were written, their audience, the genre utilized, and the purpose of the author’s writings gives us insight into the tribal, theological, and religious/liturgical evolution of a people. Approached through a pseudo-scientific lens, scripture provides much insight into the Hebrew people who later named themselves Israelites, and into the experiences of the people within that tribe who later called Jesus their teacher and how his presence altered the trajectory of their lives. All of this is worthy of studying.

If we want to know who Jesus is for us personally, however, we have to move beyond the simple reading of scripture. Neither, can we know Jesus simply by what someone else has told us, regardless of who that someone might be. For me, this personal Jesus came through dedicated attention to the methods of prayer, contemplation, and discernment favored by St. Ignatius of Loyola. These approaches to prayer allow for direct communication between Source (God) and ourselves. Through this prayer, what I have uncovered (as have many others before me) is the possibility of a Universal Jesus – one who speaks Truth to all people regardless of their religion, or personal beliefs.

One does not have to proclaim Jesus Christ their personal Lord and Savior
to receive the benefits of his teachings.

To say otherwise, is proclaiming oneself as higher than God. Who are we to declare that God has ONE chosen people or to suggest there is but one path to being saved? Salvation, I have learned, is simply a matter of perspective – have we found a way to equanimity in the midst of the human condition or have we damned ourselves to suffering?

Beyond anything else, Jesus teaches us how to find peace, contentment, and even joy in the midst of the challenges and difficulties of being human. Whether heaven is here on earth, or on some other plane, is up to us to decide. Jesus shows us how to choose the former. Even if we hope for paradise on the other side of this life, Jesus’ deepest message is how to find paradise here. You will not find these teachings in any church’s doctrine. They can only be found within.

To me, the Universal Jesus is one that came to understand the message of LOVE at the heart of the Judaism in which he was raised. He came to understand the highest Truth taught – that all of creation is an expression of this Love/God and that we are all ONE with this Love. Jesus learned how to remember and embody this Love. He then sought to teach others how to do the same:

The Love (kingdom) of God is within you.

His message is truly this simple. YOU ARE LOVE. Remembering this Truth helps us to find peace.  Right here.  Right now.  (And maybe even more completely when we fully return to Source after we have finished this life).

What Are We Celebrating – Really?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

What is Christmas – really?
We claim to be celebrating
The birth of a child
Who later became a man.

But what version of the man do we honor?
The one who taught us Love,
Or the one who causes us to hate?

I will always choose the former,
Yet I’m amazed at how many continue,
In his name,
Choosing hate.
It makes me not want to honor
The birth of the child
Lest some confuse me
With those choosing hatred in his name.

Neither am I comfortable calling myself “Christian”
For all the baggage now heaped upon the name.

  • The name raised as a banner in war.
  • A name forced upon others under threat of death.
  • The name hurled in condemnation over those feeling no other option than choice.
  • A name used as justification for the subjugation of women, children, and the foreigner.
  • A name that has built walls, and prisons, and instruments of torture.
  • A name men in power claim, who couldn’t see Him if He was staring them in the face.

Because of all of this,
Christmas to me has become
Just another day –
And like all other days,
A time to reflect on Love,
And how to Be and Live it more fully –
Just as Jesus did.

“Women Can’t Image Christ”? Why the Hell Not!?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 5 Comments

It’s been a minute since I’ve gone head-to-head with the Catholic Church, but the Vatican’s most recent statement forbidding women to be ordained as deacons has provided just the right amount of fuel to fan my flames of righteousness.

Before I get into the grisly details, let me start by saying this:

In no way, shape, or form, do I have any interest in being ordained by an institution defined by clericalism deeply rooted in misogyny; and to be honest, I’m a little suspect of women who would want to be ordained into that patriarchal/hierarchical power-hungry fraternity.

That being said, as a woman with a ministerial calling, who considers Jesus her teacher and who has modeled her own ministry on Jesus’ example. I am living proof that a vocational calling to serve is not limited to men. Further, there is scriptural proof that Jesus commissioned women to serve (Mary Magdalene) along with historical evidence of women in the early church who served as both deacons and in priestly roles.

Now let’s get to the grisly details. From the National Catholic Reporter: “A Vatican commission studying the possibility of female deacons reported that the current state of historical and theological research ‘excludes the possibility of proceeding’ toward admitting women to the diaconate.”  In other words, seven men voted against the ordination of women into the diaconate. The justification for this exclusion, stated in a commentary signed by retired Italian Cardinal Giuseppe Petrocchi, was that “women cannot image Christ.”

WHAT?!

It’s one thing for the Church to use big-T tradition, and little t – tradition as it’s excuse for not ordaining women. It’s also a well-known and documented fact that the institution of the Catholic Church has done everything in its power to keep women down, holding women to different standards than men, scrutinizing women saints more ruthlessly than their male counterparts, ignoring and then demonizing the very women Jesus appointed to continue his ministry, etc. etc. etc. We have long known the Church to be a bastion of misogyny, despite their protestations.

Me thinkest they protesteth too much – and this recent statement proves it. In these words, the Church has finally laid bare the truth of their beliefs – women are less than, and therefore unworthy of imaging Christ.

It’s funny to me, really (funny ironic, and funny sad). Because despite everything I was taught and the promises that were made in my own ministerial training within the Catholic Church, I experienced directly the privilege men, especially priests, received in the Church. Men are held to lesser standards than women, afforded greater opportunities, and awarded with advancement and praise. I received the identical education and training as my male counterparts, yet they were rewarded with ordination. I, and my female co-horts were not. When I experienced scrutiny and harassment by the local self-appointed inquisition, the Church did not have my back, instead, it joined the bandwagon.  For the men, with whom I served, who were acting amorally, the Church just looked the other way.

Women have always been treated as “other” in the Catholic Church, but to say that women cannot “image Christ,” is just bad theology!

Isn’t “imaging Christ” exactly what we’ve been taught????? Isn’t this what we were told in twelve years of Catholic school? Isn’t this what scripture invites us to be and do? Aren’t we all called to “be Christ in the world?”

If this is no longer, or has never been true for women, then what’s the point? Why adhere to Jesus’ teachings? Why follow his example? Why “put on Christ” if it’s really only men who can image him?

In saying that women cannot image Christ, regardless of the call to be ordained, the Church has told millions of women throughout history who have called Jesus teacher, served in his name, been the Love he called us to be in the world, that we don’t matter.

And you know what, they’re right. We DO NOT MATTER –  to the Church. We never have. The Church has just pretended we matter because it is the women who have always done the work.

Maybe not anymore. In light of the knowledge of what the Church actually believes about women, maybe we should leave (I technically left long ago). Without those of us who “cannot image Christ,” the Church would collapse. And maybe that’s exactly what the Church deserves.

In the meantime, I still consider Jesus to be my teacher and Mary Magdalene my guide. I continue working on being the Love Jesus calls us to be in the world. I know that despite what the Church says, I am doing my best to “image Christ,” as are all the women I know who hold up Love as their purpose and mission, because the truth is, the Church does not have the power to deny what Christ has already ordained.

Finally, my official response to the Church – a big fat F-you!

Is Your God too Small?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

This past weekend an article came out in which Kim Kardashian, after failing the bar exam, was complaining about all the money she spent on psychics who all told her she would pass, and how duped she felt by them. My response was “duh.” Relying on psychics to determine your success seems naïve ( at best). Especially when (in my personal experience), many (if not most) psychics are happy to take your money and then tell you exactly what you want to hear.

This article isn’t about psychics. Neither is it about Kim Kardashian. What inspired me to pen this musing was the comment thread relating to Kim’s rant. In the comments an individual wrote, “You block God’s blessings when you mess with that stuff.”  I suggested to the commenter that her God might be too small. She said, “I’m Catholic do with that what you will.”  I chuckled because I’m Catholic too (kind of) and the “God” I have come to know is way too big to be limited by the likes of a few psychics, or by those who would turn to psychics for “guidance.” I am of the firm belief that there is NOTHING that can limit or block God – the Presence, Power, Providence or Grace of God.

“I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God” Romans 8: 38-39

Turning to a psychic doesn’t “block God’s blessings.” All that happens is that we are giving away our own power to reason, discern, and exercise our own truth by putting someone outside of us in the position of power. The same is true when we give anyone the power to determine the path of our lives – parents, teachers, religious leaders, government officials, partners, etc. etc. etc. The only true and reliable authority dwells within us in our connection and union with that which I call “God.”

If you grew up in any kind of Christian denomination, the “God” you were taught was most likely the old man in the sky God – the one Jesus called Abwoon – which has most often been translated as “father.” This “father” God was then painted into the image of either a vengeful, wrathful, punitive father, or one of great compassion like the father in the story of the Prodigal Son – in other words, a God made in our image.  

Even the Catholic Church eschews these images of God in humankind’s image:

God is neither man nor woman. God is pure spirit in which there is no place for the difference between the sexes. (Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraph 370)

Jesus taught of a God who is Spirit who is all-loving and who is present within us, among us, and all around us. John, in his letters, called God Love (1 John 4). And yet, even the Catholic Church who teaches these scriptures and authored the Catechism, often preaches of a God who is too small. (Hence the woman who believes a psychic has the power to block God).

I, however, refuse to allow God to be limited by the threats of the inquisition, the local Church, by Bishops, priests, or congregants who seem to have missed the whole entire point of Jesus’ teachings. There is nothing greater than the Love that made us, surrounds us, and dwells within us. Even our own forgetting of or disbelief in God is not enough to separate us from that Love. It is our origin, our true nature, and our ultimate destination, for at the end of the day, Love is all there is and there is nothing that can block that.

Love is Kindness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Yesterday, nearly 7 million Americans gathered as an outward example of Love in what has been called the “No Kings” rallies. Contrary to dispersions cast, there were ZERO violent acts within or among those who gathered. Beyond the perception of politics, people of all ages and genders gathered to express their support of the freedoms promised by the US Constitution and on behalf of those who have been maligned and mistreated by those who have forgotten how to Love.

Love, in the context of the human identity, can only be understood in one way – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you;” or as Jesus has been quoted as saying, “Love one another as I have loved you.” For those who claim to follow Jesus, or call him their savior, it is to Jesus’ words and actions that one might understand Jesus’ commandment about love. Jesus’ example is clear:

  • He treated people of all beliefs, social standing, race, and gender with love, honor, and respect.
  • He focused his attention on those who were marginalized in his culture: women, children, the poor, the sick, the ostracized, those who the culture condemned as unclean, those condemned by the culture as sinful and undeserving of God’s grace. 
  • Jesus welcomed those otherwise shunned.
  • He defined what it meant to be love: giving sight to the blind, visiting prisoners, setting captives free, care and provide for those who cannot care for themselves.

In short, Jesus’ example is one of kindness – to every single person whatever their need might be.

Love is Kindness.

Also, as Bono of U2 described in the lyrics he wrote for song of the same name:

Love is Blindness.

To exercise the kindness Love requires, we must take on a sort of blindness. Blindness in this case is related to judgment. To truly Love, we must set aside the conditioning and experiences we have had which may have prejudiced us against others, or which has caused us to separate each other into “us and them.” Love sees no separation – only the fact that we are ONE human race, each deserving of love, respect, honor, and care.

This is what I saw in the “No Kings” gatherings – not a bunch of people against something, but a mass of people for humanity. We are one humanity on an individual and collective journey toward Love. Kindness is one path that helps us to get there.

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Letters from Hell #3 – Jesus

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 4 Comments

In hell, everything is a distorted and twisted version of its true self. This is especially true of the man called Jesus, after whom Christianity was given its name.

Say what you will about the Catholic Church (I will not argue), in the parishes and schools in which I was raised, above anything else, we were taught that Jesus was Love. Therefore, by association, so too was God. Rather, Jesus came to remind us that despite humanity’s desire to make God in their own image, God was, in fact, Love.  Period. End of sentence. End of paragraph. In the Church in which I was raised, this God loved all of humanity without condition. It didn’t matter your race, your nationality, your gender, or even your religion, God loved all infinitely and abundantly.

The Jesus that taught this Love is not the Jesus that exists in hell. Instead, the Jesus of hell (and therefore the God he represents) plays favorites. This Jesus divides humanity into “true believers” and “the damned.” This Jesus encourages his followers to hate those who are not like them – to hate people of color, women, people who follow other gods (isn’t there only one God? At least that’s what I was always taught), essentially anyone who isn’t a straight, white, male. Even more strange than this, the Jesus in hell is American.

I’m not sure how a brown-skinned, middle eastern Jewish man became American, but to Christian Nationalists, it is America who has received a special blessing from Christ along with the command to convert the whole country (and then the world) into Evangelical, Fundamentalist Christianity.

Like I said, the Jesus in hell is bizarre! This Jesus is a stranger to me. I don’t know who he is or where he came from.

Actually, that’s not true. I know exactly where he came from because I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes.

The Jesus in hell is born out of humanity’s fears.

I’ve seen it over and over and over. Seemingly normal human beings who have been able to live in harmony and peace with people of differing beliefs and lifestyles, suddenly turning toward fundamentalism in its many forms. Every single time, this dramatic turning around is precipitated by something traumatic that casts the individual into fear, and its ugly bed-fellow – shame.

Let me provide a few examples from my own Catholic experience.

  • The young woman who found herself unexpectedly pregnant and who chose to terminate the pregnancy and who never sought out the help that might have supported her in self-forgiveness, who later turned to fundamentalist Catholicism (yes, that’s a thing) so she could be absolved of her guilt (she never did accept the fullness of God’s love that would have allowed her to release her shame, dying with that shame).
  • The young adult man who experienced an enjoyable sexual encounter with another man but became ashamed of the act as he was unwilling to accept that he might be gay. He also turned to fundamentalist Catholicism so that he might earn God’s forgiveness.
  • The adult woman who was once excited and open about some of the “new age” authors of the 90’s, who later discovered her child was being molested by a family member. She dropped all “new age” authors believing they were the cause of the trauma that happened in their family and then became a devout fundamentalist Catholic.
  • The young couple who discovered their child had a debilitating and ultimately fatal disease who suddenly turned to fundamentalist Catholicism hoping through it they could pray away their child’s disease.

For those not raised Catholic – fundamentalist Catholicism is known in a strict interpretation of Catholic dogma (letter of the law), often leaning toward a pre-Vatican II expression of Catholicism. Some of this leaning go so far as to reject the Vatican II council completely and seek out congregations that perform the Latin mass. Some take it further and reject Catholic social teachings along with anything that suggests people of other faiths might be “saved.”

I get it.  I understand how fear can provoke us to seek out something that might absolve us of that fear. The same is true of shame. For some, peace is found in absolutes and in the belief that in abiding with these absolutes, they are right(eous). Some even find freedom from shame in embracing “salvation.”  Proclaiming Jesus Christ as their personal lord and savior gives many people the peace they need to mitigate the anxiety of living in an uncertain world. Jesus resides in this peace.

Jesus, however, is not in the division and hatred that is sometimes (even often) espoused in denominations created in his name – this includes the Catholic faith in which I was raised.

Jesus is not in the hatred. He is not in the division. He is not in the calls to war. Not once did he ask people to be soldiers in or kill in his name. He never spoke about sexual orientation or condemned people of differing beliefs. Jesus isn’t even Christian. He was a Jew. Period.

And yet, the Jesus in hell is all of this. Whispering hatred in his followers’ ears. Urging them to side with genocide. Tempting them to condemn the immigrant. Forbidding them from feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick, liberating the prisoner. The Jesus in hell goes so far as to tell his followers that the more money they have the more they are loved by God and that they should hoard that money and do whatever it takes to amass wealth, power, and privilege. This Jesus has told his followers that the man who currently holds office who is a proven rapist, thief, and liar, was chosen and is the Beloved of God, and is here to usher in the Second Coming.

I can’t with this Hell-Jesus. He’s a liar and a horribly twisted and distorted version of the Jesus of Love. He is everything that the Jesus of Love is not. And yet, he is the one that people are increasingly turning to as the world falls apart. So much so, that the Jesus of Love is really difficult to find. I’m just grateful for all the experiences, resources, and tools that have come into my life that have helped me, not only to discover, but to personally know the God that is Love. My prayer, is only, that more turn to this Love (by whatever name you call it) for it is the only way that humanity might one day know peace.  

An Uncommon Priesthood

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

Uncommon: not ordinarily encountered: unusual; remarkable, exceptional

Priest: someone who is authorized to perform the sacred rites of a religion especially as a mediatory agent between humans and God

Priesthood: the office, dignity, or character of a priest

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

On the first day of the Christology course that was part of my ministry training, our (female) professor asked those of us who felt called to ordination to raise our hands. The men in our class, as was to be expected, raised their hands as they were on the track to becoming deacons. My friend, Karen, and I also raised our hands. That got us a giggle because women, of course, are not allowed to be ordained, either as a deacon or a priest, in the Catholic Church.

I was a preacher
My heart broke for all the world
But teaching was unrighteous for a girl
In the summer I was baptized in the mighty Colorado
In the winter I heard the hounds and I knew I had been found
And in my Savior’s name, I laid my weapons down
But I am still around… (Highwomen, lyrics by Amanda Rose Shires / Brandi Carlile / Jimmy L. Webb)

That was thirty years ago, and yet still today, women are barred from priesthood in the Catholic Church. That prohibition, however, has not lessened my call to be priest. In the years since, I have discerned priesthood through two denominations outside of the Catholic Church, but in both instances, the prevalence of clericalism in those institutions dissuaded me from completing that path.

Clericalism:  a policy of maintaining or increasing the power of a religious hierarchy (to Merriam-Webster’s definition, I would add: lauding, flaunting, defending, and enforcing that power and in some cases, using it to justify non-loving acts)

To me, priesthood has never been about power. It has always been about service. Neither has it been about hierarchy. Instead, it is a collaboration of gifts in support of individual and collective need. This is the priesthood I see in Jesus and what he drew forth from those who gathered around him. Jesus was not a leader who wanted followers. Instead, he was a catalyst who empowered people in their gifts. By humbly serving those most in need, Jesus’ example challenged the religious and political institutions of his time. These institutions valued their power and privilege over the people they were meant to serve.

Sadly, Jesus’ example did not stand as the early disciples (Peter and Paul in particular) traded the collaborative empowerment that Jesus’ taught them for patriarchal and hierarchical power. This model still stands today in nearly all Christian institutions. This is why I did not, cannot, and refuse, to fit into any institution that values power over service.

Instead, it seems, I have carved out a priesthood all my own. One that has been ordained, not by a bishop’s anointing and laying on of hands, but by careful attention to the call of Love, and living out that Love in all the many ways I have been called. Sometimes this call looks priestly in the marriages and funerals I officiate. Sometimes this call looks formative as I create and facilitate classes and write books in support of participants’ personal/spiritual development. Sometimes it looks pastoral in the one-on-one spiritual counseling I provide. Sometimes the service I provide supports people in their healing, in finding direction, and in experiencing comfort.

Most commonly, however, my priesthood is confirmed in unexpected and surprising ways. It is known in the 6am phone call from a distant friend seeking support for a family member in crisis. It is known in the generous financial donations I sometimes find in my mailbox. It is known in the confidences people have shared with me during challenging times. It is in the many acquaintances who suddenly seek my support and my own wondering of why they chose me. Why would they trust me with this, I barely know them? And yet, time and time and time again, this is so. People who I know – but not really. Amazing, lovely people who I have come to know and love along the way – but we don’t really hang out. People who I know from simply being me in the small community where I live. People, in whom I’ve likely seen something (love, kindness, generosity, honesty, integrity, authenticity) who are somehow seeing me, and trusting me with the most intimate and challenging times of their lives.

This is the priesthood for which I am most grateful.  A priesthood that is unexpected and surprising and looks absolutely nothing like what we have come to associate with being priest. And yet, it is exactly what the Catholic Church preaches in its invitation to participate in the priesthood of all believers (Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraphs: 1267, 1268, 1141, 1143, 1268, 1305, 1535, 1547, 1591, and 1592). Whereas the institutional church does not recognize my priestly calling, I am profoundly humbled and grateful to all those who have invited me to serve in this role.

The Price of Truth

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

……laughing uproariously…….

……don’t say I didn’t warn you…..

……when are people going to start listening to me????? (in my best Tommy Shelby brogue)

……When is the world going to start listening to its prophets?

Thanks.  I had to let that out.

In all seriousness, I am literally laughing my head off at the whole “Epstein files” debacle. When congress BLOCKS the release of classified information related to the Jeffrey Epstein trial, including Epstein’s client list, we know it is Congress that has something to hide, NOT the now deceased Epstein. When the President of the United States insists he didn’t know Jeffrey Epstein, or anything about a list, we all know he “protesteth too much.” 

We know. We absolutely know the truth. Epstein was a predator, child sex trafficker, and ran a private sex island for the rich and famous and the pedophiles among them. He went to jail for it, as did his partner. We know that our president knew him, was friends with him, and went to his private sex parties. We know there is a list. WE ARE NOT STUPID, and yet, some are convinced they can pull the wool over our eyes and pretend there is nothing to see. (pay no attention to the man behind the curtain)

But we do see. After the priest sex abuse scandal, Harvey Weinstein, P. Diddy, R. Kelly, etc. you would think we’d be able to see and know.

I’ll put it bluntly, I liken the evils of Epstein, Maxwell, and all those who went to their little island to those of A. Joseph Maskell, the now former priest who was accused of sexually abusing students, inviting local people of importance to participate in his sex parties, and murdering the Sr. Catherine Cesnik who reported him. I liken the president’s denial and the congressional ruling to the Catholic bishops who denied and then attempted to cover up Maskell’s sins – that and the institutional Church who for centuries denied and covered up the evils that were being done to children by Catholic priests.

This shit is real. And it is often the most powerful among us who are guilty of the most heinous crimes, and yet they have always been the ones to get away with it.

NOT ANYMORE. We are living in a time of profound revelation. Evil upon evil upon evil is being shown to us as the crumbling walls of the institutions that have hidden and even defended these evils are falling around us.

To the revelation of truth, I say BRING IT. To our eyes that are tempted to turn away, I say LOOK CLOSELY.

Look at the evil. See the devil for who and what it really is – men and women living among us in positions of perceived power doing the most awful and terrible things. SEE IT.  LOOK AT IT. REALIZE THE HORROR OF IT.

And then, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

The time of truth seeing is now. And while we want to deny there is evil among us, while we want to think the best of those in perceived positions of authority, while we want to believe our nation is free, the truth is something else entirely.

As Jack Nicholson in the movie A Few Good Men famously said, “You want the truth? You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!” 

YES WE CAN.  Or we had better learn.

I admit, it sucks. It is something terrible to learn of the evils rampant in institutions for which we once had respect, hope, and even love. As the priest sex abuse scandal was being revealed, I remember feeling heartbroken and betrayed. I felt hurt and disgusted. Then I began to see the corruption of the institution and how it not only fosters but encourages pedophilia.

The same will be true if, and when, Epstein’s list is ever released. I suspect there will be names on that list that we initially will not be able to believe. Politicians, CEO’s, actors, etc. we may have held in high regard. I also suspect the list is ENORMOUS – the revelation of which will bring the American empire to its knees. (I suspect this is what those who know are really afraid of). Rome will not be burning. It will erupt like an atomic bomb.

Kind of like what happened in the Catholic Church. A mass exodus of formerly devout believers who could no longer support an institution built on the blood of innocent children.

The truth is that there is true evil in our world and the only way to free ourselves from these evils is to see them.  Call them out. Dismantle the institutions that have fostered these evils. Heal the wounds caused by these evils, and then build something new.

While some may argue the cost of revealing the truth, to me, FREEDOM is worth every effort toward seeing and knowing the truth, for freedom is priceless. As Jesus once said, “THE TRUTH will set you free.” This is what he meant.

Humanity’s Enlightenment is NOT my Responsibility!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 4 Comments

Of the friends that I have who have chosen a Buddhist path, several have shared their decision to take the “Bodhisattva Vow.”  With this vow (part of the Mahayana Buddhist path), they promise (among other things) to work for the sake of humanity’s enlightenment to the point of forsaking their own liberation from the wheel of life until all sentient beings have achieved enlightenment. In short, they are promising to return to the human experience – life after life after life – until all of humanity is enlightened.

I’m not Buddhist, and I’m sure there are many layers to this vow and ways to understand it, and I’m only understanding it on a very surface level… but to promise to return to the human experience until all beings are enlightened?

HELL NO!

Don’t get me wrong, I have a deep love of humanity and deeply desire for all of humanity to know peace, love, and joy, and to experience the freedom of liberation. BUT, it sure as hell isn’t MY job to enlighten them. Neither do I plan on waiting around until all humans across all time finally decide to wake up and learn how to be loving and kind to each other. Based on my experience of some humans, I could be waiting around for an eternity.

No thank you!  When I’m done with this life, I’m outta here, hopefully never to return!

Beyond the faith in which I was raised that tells us we’ve already been liberated, and that death is the final liberation, humanity’s enlightenment is not my responsibility. Regarding enlightenment, I can hardly take care of myself!  Besides, if humanity’s enlightenment was my responsibility, a hell of a lot more people would be listening to me. (ha ha ha…thump)

I leave Buddhists to their beliefs, but as one actively recovering from a Messiah Complex, the Boddhisatva vow sounds a little co-dependent – suggesting it’s our job to take care of others to the point of personal sacrifice, and that there is some sort of “award” for doing so. This strikes me as not much different than the Catholic practice of indulgences as a way of earning our way into heaven. If Jesus did his job properly (and we’ve been taught that he did), then we don’t need to do shit to get into heaven. The payment’s already been made (if you subscribe to atonement theology).

I don’t subscribe to atonement theology. Neither do I ascribe to the belief that Jesus died for our sins. Instead, I believe he died for speaking in ways that empowered people on a path that might free them from the ruling institutions of the time. These institutions felt threatened by the “enlightenment” that Jesus offered and killed him for it. That being said, I don’t believe that Jesus was responsible for the enlightenment of those he taught. Neither is he the source of salvation in the way we have been taught by institutional religion. Instead, he found his own enlightenment and simply shared with others how to do the same. His listeners could choose to accept what he offered, or not.

The Bodhisattva vow, along with atonement theology seem to be placing responsibility for enlightenment in the wrong hands. Enlightenment, as I understand it today, is purely the responsibility of the individual. In fact, it may not even be up to the individual to decide as enlightenment may simply be a matter of fate (more on that later).

Arriving at this understanding of enlightenment as being the individual’s responsibility, however, has been an arduous journey. Based on conditioning, life experiences, trauma, and woundedness, I came to believe it was my job to save the world. It stood to reason, if I could convince human beings to be loving and kind, and later, teach them how to get there, the world might finally feel safe.  Right?

WRONG! Instead, I have learned that I cannot convince anyone of anything they do not want to do for themselves, and I certainly can’t do it for them (no matter how hard I tried). Human beings are stubborn and willful and cling tightly to what they know – no matter how harmful that knowing might be to and for them. Jesus spoke of this often! 

What I have come to understand is that the only human I can save is myself – and even that is debatable! This begs the question – from what do I/we need saving anyway?

In the simplest of terms, we are each a unique and individual expression of Source, here to have a human experience. From this perspective, there are an infinite number of ways in which Source might choose to express itself. Within those infinite expressions are infinite choices. In a single life not every human will choose enlightenment. Across many lifetimes, some might never choose enlightenment.

What good is enlightenment anyway if the cycle of the human experience is that we come from Source and when we are done being human we return to Source? We’re here. We have a life. We die. We return to Source. No judgment. No right or wrong. Simply Source expressing itself. In this we have to allow that Source is just as likely to express itself as an oligarch or serial killer as it is to express itself as Buddha or Christ. So what difference does enlightenment make anyway?

To some, enlightenment (as I understand it) is a way to heal and transform from non-loving conditioning, woundedness, and trauma, so that they might experience life as a little more peaceful, kind, and loving and in this they might find contentment. To others, they may have simply come here to be human and experience the fullness of the human experience as it is right here and right now, simply and without judgement or the need to change it.  This, in fact, may be its own kind of enlightenment!

Enlightenment is a personal choice. If you choose it, cool.  If not, that’s ok too.  For my part, I can’t say that I’ve been seeking enlightenment, simply a way to feel at home within myself and to know some measure of peace in this life. If by my choosing and sharing, others feel inspired to cultivate their own kind of enlightenment, then so be it. If not, that’s their business.  It’s not my job to make them do it or try to do it for them.  And I’m certainly not waiting around for the collective of humanity to choose love and kindness over the hatred and cruelty that so many seem to enjoy. I’ve done for myself what I have felt called to do and humanity is on its own. Their enlightenment is not my responsibility.

For over thirty years, I have been on a deeply transformational journey to uncover my truest nature so that I might live the life that most reflects that. This journey has brought me face to face with my own woundedness and non-supportive societal conditioning and led me to tools to help support my inner transformation. This journey has empowered me to find the answer to these three questions and to then live out those answers:

  • Who am I?
  • Whose am I?
  • What are my unique gifts and how am I called to share them in the world?

Out of this journey, I have created a full curriculum of online courses and trainings through which I am able to share the knowledge, insights, wisdom, and tools that I gained so that you too might discover the fulfillment of living the life you were meant to enjoy. These online courses provide for all levels of personal and spiritual development with a focus on embodied learning – that which transcends the mind and reaches into the heart. All classes support you in your journey of self-actualization and are rooted in scholarship, mindfulness practices, and psychology.

Lauri Ann Lumby, educator, author, mentor.

See all classes here.