It’s Ok to Not “Got This”

It’s ok to not “got this.”

Human beings were not meant to experience

this level of conflict, anxiety, violence or stress.

It’s ok to not “got this.”

It’s ok to ask for help,

to reach out for support.

Humans were not meant to do this alone.

It’s ok to not “got this.”

When the human condition fails us

a “sticky sock” vacation

might be exactly what we need;

and “mother’s little helper”

was made for times like these.

It’s ok to not “got this.”

It doesn’t make you a failure, unstable, or insane.

It just makes you human in a world that has lost its damn mind.

Witness

I have no task now

but to bear witness.

To bear witness

to humanity’s destruction.

The warnings have been given.

The prophecies shared.

Yet they continue to turn a deaf ear

to the obvious.

The end is nigh.

What more to do

but wait

and watch,

thinking…

“I told you so.”

“I told you so.”

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Enough

I’ve given enough to this life

with its contests and challenges.

In these almost sixty years

I’ve given it all for humanity’s sake.

Now I want to give to myself.

Giving to myself all that life took from me.

First, I give myself peace –

the peace I never knew living in the midst of

other people’s wars.

Second, I give myself solitude –

free from the grasping and clawing grip

of other people’s need.

Third, I give myself ease –

Victorian parlor woman ease

where life never asks more of me

than to read and write and dream.

Fourth, I give myself love –

the kind of love that says,

“To simply be is enough.”

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Breathe

Breathe deep and exhale.

Breathe as you’ve never breathed before.

Breathe into your soul’s longing

and

let

it

go.

Breathe into your worries and

set

them

free.

Breathe into your shattered and broken heart

that

it

may

find

comfort.

Breathe into your mind that

it

may

find

ease.

Breathe into this moment and receive it –

with open arms free of judgment

and the temptation to define.

Breathe all the way to the

soles

of

your

feet

That roots might sprout deeply into the earth

anchoring you in quietude and peace.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Believe in the Darkness

Believe in the darkness

and the spaces in between

for these are your teachers –

where you are forced to face your demons

and stare down the face of emptiness.

It is here, in the void, where all wisdom lies.

Where your sharpened edges are made smooth

by sitting with your discomfort

and sense of unease.

As life grows darker you must become small.

Contracting all you are –

your hopes

and dreams

and childhood wishes –

until you disappear into the no-thing,

until you become one with the no-thing.

until you become the no-thing itself.

It is here in the greatest stage of contraction

when all becomes invisible –

indistinguishable from the darkness

and emptiness of the void

where you shall glimpse the infinite potential

that resides at the center of nothing

and feel the rising pressure of a new world waiting to be born.

Believe in the darkness.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby


The Magdalene Archives Bundle July 2024 allows you to purchase four great transformational courses which support you in your own inner healing, at one terrific price.

Remember Not

Remember not the things of the past.

Ponder them not.

See and acknowledge them…

bless them even…

but let them go.

These were never the purpose –

only signposts pointing the way.

The sometimes straight,

more often labyrinthine path

leading me home.

Home to myself.

My true self.

Not the self of conditioning

or formed out of my wounds…

but my true self.

Wild.

Feral.

Free.

No longer encumbered by illusion

or the dreams of the past.

For even these have been shed.

A cloak behind which my true self once hid.

Writer of words.

Teller of Truth.

Revealer of things unjust.

Voice for the voiceless

and those who cannot speak for themselves.

This is now what I cling to

with hands that are now solely my own.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

She Moves in Darkness

She moves in darkness.

Through the tangled forest of despair

and the dark night of the soul.

Witness and companion

to all that hides in the shadow.

Reaching out a hand to all

that has been ignored, repressed, suppressed,

or otherwise held at bay.

“Come forth my frightened ones

and those made to feel ashamed,

for here you will find love.”

A gentle touch

with kindness in her eyes.

She who was once hard

made soft in the depths of her own despair.

Guide in the darkness,

for she now knows the way.

“It’s not by light

that one finds their way in the dark

but by becoming one with its depths.”

A Poet’s Life

This morning I was reminded of why poets are so often misunderstood. This reminder came in the form of an innocent enough social media post where I shared the following words:

These are sentiments of a feeling I had for one single second – no longer than the blink of an eye or an intake of breath.  The feeling surfaced. Followed by the awareness. Then I wrote about it. I felt it for a few more moments. Then it was gone. I didn’t dwell on it. I didn’t wallow in it. I didn’t self-flagellate over it. I felt it. I gave it a name. I gave the name a form.  Then it was done.

But that was not how social media understood it. Many took my sharing to mean I was feeling badly or depressed. Some thought I was sad or hurting. Others shared words of comfort or support.  I’m grateful for the expressions of support, but in that moment, I was really and truly fine. I was no longer feeling the feelings that sought form through my words. Perhaps these expressions of support were reflections of the senders’ own pain. Perhaps my words hit their own nerve. To these I offer support in return. But truly, I am fine.

Such is the life of a poet. The feelings of my words had passed. But there is truly no way for others to understand this. There is also no way that those who are not poetically inclined to understand the burning need to give expression to experience and words to what we feel. We just can’t help it.  These experiences become a burning inside that has to be released. For a poet – this release comes in the form of words. Patti Smith once said, “To be an artist is to see what others cannot.” I would suggest being a poet is to feel what others cannot and then be compelled to put that into word.

I can’t speak for other poets, but I know for myself, in addition to having no choice but to give expression to experience, I am also compelled to send it off into the world. Not because I want pity or attention, but in case there are others who have shared this experience and perhaps don’t yet have words for it, or permission to feel it. I write so others might experience validation, comfort, assent, or even consent. I hope that in sharing my words I might be giving another what they need to better know and understand themselves. For what better purpose could a poet possibly live?


Lauri Ann Lumby is the author of eleven published books, including five volumes of poetry. You can find her books on Amazon.com and other online resellers.

The Desert of Aging

The pursuit of my youth has run itself out.

Wrung out of me like the color of my hair –

Chestnut curls bleeding out leaving only silver behind.

The force of my womb gone silent.

No longer pining after love or yearning for partnership

as the potentials for life have lost their plump luster.

Raisins where there once were pearls.

Youthful excitement – the once greening branches of optimism

now bone dry and fragile like the skeleton

that formerly provided pliable and safe structure for my flesh.

Flesh that was once even, tight, and smooth,

now pock-marked and deflated –

a balloon punctured by the harsh betrayal of life’s refusals.

A boneyard of dreams turned to dust.

No refreshing rains fall in the desert of aging.

Here we turn away from our dreams and toward a friendship with Death.

Death is coming for us even as we cling to our dreams,

reminding us of the wisdom we‘ve gained,

the growth we’ve attained, and all the ways we’ve loved.

This – more than any imagined meaning or purpose – is why we’re actually here.

In releasing the pursuits of our youth,

this we’re able to remember:

the wisdom we’ve gained and all the ways we’ve loved.

A Knock at the Door

Walking through the dark wood.
My home.
A fire burning in the hearth.
The forest mystic.

A knock at the door.
An ancient woman.
The Magdalene.
The Horned God.

Chaos and crisis in the outside world.
But here there is shelter, protection, stillness, and peace.
All find comfort here.

The Magdalene and I on a walking journey.
Finding buried bones.
Crawling into the grave atop of those bones,
absorbing them into myself.
Taking back my life.

A raven.
An owl.
My own wolf-dog.
All becoming a part of me.
Calling back my magic.

Returning home to my beloved.
Another knock at the door.
Ancient woman with a golden book
magically written in light.
Words uniquely mine.
They enter into me
and I speak.