Lamenting a Cruel World

A dearly beloved friend recently observed of me:

“You are a formidable and vulnerable teacher.”

I could not disagree with him and I am deeply grateful for his ability to see and articulate my truth. There is something uniquely profound about truly being seen.

Whereas I may present to many/most as a strong, independent, formidable force, my truest self is deeply vulnerable and fragile. I, like most who are truly honest with themselves, have been wounded by this world. It may appear to many, in fact many have said this of me, “You got this.” As a responsible firstborn Capricorn with a conditioned defense mechanism of independence and dogged self-sufficiency, this may be a safe assumption. Except, on many days, I DO NOT GOT THIS, neither do I want to.

At nearly 58 years old, I’m tired of having to gather up my strength, and don my cloak of resilience in order to survive this world and to find my way through the broken glass and twisted brambles of humanity’s folly.

I wasn’t made for this level of violence. Neither was I made to withstand this much light or noise.

None of us were made for this. Yet few are willing to admit it.  Instead, we make excuses (or are conditioned to) for all of humanity’s bad behaviors.

There are no excuses for humanity’s cruelty, deception, lack of integrity, greed, abusive behavior, or betrayal. As a student and teacher of human development, I can assuredly say that every single human being (excepting perhaps sociopaths and psychopaths – but even they can pretend) has both the potential and the power to be loving, compassionate, generous, gentle, and kind. In other words, cruelty is a choice. Admittedly, a choice coming forth out of what are likely deeply unhealed wounds, but a choice, nonetheless. When I know (and provide) resources to support humanity in healing their wounds, this choice becomes even more apparent.

So yes, when I see humans being cruel to each other, taking advantage of others for the sake of their own pride or greed, making excuses for or justifying their bad behaviors, stabbing others in the back, robbing or stealing from each other, I am deeply saddened. I also find myself angered because I know that cruelty is a choice and cannot comprehend why anyone would choose it.

Like I have often said, I wasn’t made for this world. The good news is I know I’m not the only one not made for this world. If you are one who regularly chooses kindness, I hope that in sharing my own vulnerability this gives you permission to do the same, and if nothing else, helps you to know you are not alone.

Copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Illness Designating Power

Our whole lives we’ve been told that illness means there’s something wrong with us.  What if the reverse, in fact, is true?  What if illness is a gift that designates our power? Can we take what we’ve been told and have chosen to believe and turn it on its head? What if what we’ve been calling illness (chronic illness especially) is really the body’s only way, in an upside-down world, to create the environment the Soul needs to thrive?  What if chronic illness is the body responding to abuse of the Soul?  What if when suffering chronic illness (ie: fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, Epstein-Barr, migraine, vestibular disorders, anxiety, depression, panic attacks) there’s nothing wrong with us but is our body pointing out everything that is wrong with our world? What can we learn about our Soul and our body’s true needs through the symptoms our chronic illness throws at us? What happens if instead of fighting against illness we give our bodies what they need to feel safe in an unsafe world? How might our world begin to change when we start tending to the deeper needs of our Souls? How might our super-powers begin to emerge when we start tending to the needs of our Soul as dictated by our body?

Waking the Dead

I sang skin back onto my bones like a blanket’s warm embrace.

Enfolding in acceptance all that I am.

A dream within a dream of much more than simple acceptance.

A celebration really,

where a blanket becomes a robe of the deepest blood red.

Sovereign-earned.

Invoking a blessing of holiness

where that which I formerly condemned is honored as gift.

Where pathology is given a new name signifying magic.

And where illness designates power.

Then I sang a song of amens and hallelujahs!

Copyright Lauri Ann Lumby


Grief

When we are struggling with chronic illness or other debilitating and troublesome symptoms, we are cast into a grieving process. We experience all faces of grief – denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and sorrow as we move in the direction of coming to terms with our symptoms.

For twenty-five years, Lauri Ann Lumby has supported people in all forms of grieving. If you are in need of support in grieving your diagnosis (of often lack thereof), please reach out for an appointment.

I’m Tired

I’m tired. I’m tired from so many things that it’s an effort to even put this Soul-level exhaustion into words.  I’m just tired.

I’m tired from being unseen and unheard.

I’m tired of being dismissed by insecure men because my intelligence might eclipse theirs or because I’m not the 22-year-old blonde they still dream of while they are grey of hair and sagging in flesh.

I’m tired of the shiny objects that seem to rule our world and of those who continue to spend their money and attention on fluff.

I’m tired of the common good being ignored for the sake of the powerful few.

I’m tired of the greedy and gluttonous nature of Western culture.

I’m tired of human beings destroying our planet.

I’m tired of MONEY being more important than…well, anything!

I’m tired of the Western definition of “success” and the capitalistic lie that suggests everyone has an equal opportunity for achieving that success.

I’m tired of the lie of “equal opportunity,” of all those who believe it, and all those who cling to it as if it’s some sort of dogma.

I’m tired of false patriotism. For that matter, I’m also tired of nationalism. No matter how much we tell ourselves otherwise, the United States IS NOT the “greatest nation in the world,” – not even by a long shot!   (And don’t respond to my comment here by telling me to just move.  Instead, take a look at the data!)

I’m tired of racism, sexism, genderism, (hah….patriotism and nationalism are isms too!) ageism, religionism, classism, and every other ism based on the false premise that one kind of human is better than another.

I’m tired of being told what kind of body is acceptable or preferred and that there is inherently something wrong (and less lovable) than anything outside of that designation.

I’m tired of human beings being objectified as if we are a commodity to be assigned value, traded, used, and worked to death for another’s pleasure, profit, or gratification.

I’m tired of the “man card” – the rules that dictate what makes “a man a man,” and the toxic nature of those rules.

I’m tired of complicit women – those who deny sexism and misogyny because they somehow benefit from it.

I’m tired of humans who look the other way as other human beings suffer.

I’m tired of a culture that allows people to go hungry, homeless, without an adequate education, without healthcare.

I’m tired of a banking industry that makes its profits off the backs of the poor.

I’m tired of a culture that purposefully and intentionally seeks to divide.

I’m tired from the lack of true journalism and of the tabloid catastrophe it has become.

I’m tired of a narcissistic, self-centered world in which people only care about themselves and their own selfish needs – without care or concern for how their actions might negatively impact another.

I’m tired of the voices of the prophets and visionaries of our world being silenced as they try to wake humanity up out of their collective unseeing, unhearing, and comatose state.

I’m just tired.

Coming Home

I am currently a member of Hag School with Danielle Dulsky which has been a terrific opportunity for me to exercise my creative gifts of writing. The following video was one of our assignments. I believe it may have meaning for some. I hope you enjoy it.


Lauri Ann Lumby

is the author of ten books, four of which feature her poetry. Check out her Amazon store HERE.

My True Face

My True Face

In the crucible of my inner cauldron, I see:

My True Face.

A face of flame

and darkness.

Of gentle rain

and forest soil.

A face that destroys and transforms.

Conceals and reveals.

Softens and comforts.

A face in which dreams are planted

and deep roots take hold.

Sacredly held in cauldron’s embrace

for few can survive its seeing.

Showing instead my face only partial.

Waiting in hope that there will one day be

One who can see fully and still remain.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Artwork copyright Catherine E. Case used with permission


Lauri Ann Lumby

is the author of ten books including Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “You Complete Me” to Beloved Partnership.

A Song from the Ash

A Song from the Ash

Even now, a creature stirs deep in the ashes of her old and now dead life.

What was once, is no longer.

Last blood spilled.

Final breath heaved.

Nothing remaining but the ash of the old.

Unto dust it has returned.

Peeking out from beneath the cinders –

a tiny spark of light.

Glimmering and iridescent in shades of

cyan, fuchsia, tangerine, and chartreuse.  

Peeking shyly, parting the cinder curtain –

seeing if it’s safe outside.

Dare she step forth into the open?

Her bolder sister, tested on the witch’s pyre

and made of warrior’s rage

had hid her under armor,

but of her brave sister, now only ash remains.

“Who now will keep me safe?” she wondered.

The ash whispering as a soft wind came and blew it away:

“You will keep yourself safe.”

A single blood-red tear dripped down the creature’s face

as she offered a silent prayer of thanks

to the sister who had courageously paved the way.

Testing new legs, she slowly stood

Stretching arms to discover she had wings.

Leaning into the air,

the creature carried aloft.

Dancing on the breeze she first whispered,

and then sang her true name:

Joy!  Joy!  Joy!

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby


Lauri Ann Lumby

is the author of ten books including Returning – a Woman’s Midlife Journey to Herself, and Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “You Complete Me” to Beloved Partnership.

Only Death Remaining

Only Death Remaining

My hood is raised, wandering through the ash-lands

of what humanity made of itself.

Burnt and desolate waste as far as the eye can see.

Air putrid with the stink of decay.

Undeterred winds casting forth clouds of bone-dust.

Sun glowing blood-red,

barely discernible behind the impenetrable wall of air-borne cinder.

No life to make a sound but that of the howling wind.

No trees left standing.

Crops burned to the ground.

Lake beds, rivers, and seas laying empty –

even the water-creatures turned to dust.

Soot, ash, and cinder – all that remains of what humanity touched.

Skeletal fingers sucking the beauty and life out of all that once was.

Humanity the makers of their own doom.

Fair warning we gave them.

Begging and pleading for them to take care.

Mute were we to their greed-filled ears and gluttonous eyes.

“Never enough.  Never enough.  Never enough,”

they cried like frantic egg-laying flesh-flies.

Consuming and bursting. Consuming and bursting.

Even maggots could no longer survive.

A pestilence upon this once magnificent planet humanity became.

A plague upon themselves.

Then the wars came.

And then Death.

Now, only Death remains,

And I am She.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby


Lauri Ann Lumby

is the author of ten books including Elegy, A Mouth Filled with Flame, Happily Ever After, and Returning.

The Man I Love

a poem of manifestation written in present tense because all we dream of happens in the now.

The man I love

            enfolds me in his cloak of protection.

He loves, cherishes, and celebrates me

            as I love, cherish, and celebrate him.

He is my best friend, lover, devoted companion,

            and champion.

He anticipates my needs and supports me

            in getting them met, as I do for him.

In his presence, and in knowing

he has my back, I feel safe.

He is kind

            and powerful.

He moves the earth

            for those under his care.

He is like a mighty stag

            guarding over and protecting his herd.

He is like a father wolf,

            cuddling his loves and joining them in play.

He is the embodiment of his own potential

            as am I.

Together we show the world how to love.

Copyright Lauri Ann Lumby  http://www.lauriannlumby.com

Excruciatingly Human – UGH!

Can I just start out by saying how much I don’t like Mondays!?  I find Mondays in general difficult (not sure why – I don’t follow a traditional work week), but I’m finding this Monday especially challenging.  After my empathic body spent the past four days writhing in pain over whatever (everything) is happening in our world, I’m exhausted. I’m all out of f*cks to give and when my daily doubt demons showed up this morning, I didn’t even have the energy to care. 

“Hello demons. Make yourself at home.

I’ll just be over here in the corner trying not to die!”

Yep. Pretty much. Too exhausted care and all out of f*cks to give. Turns out I’m still human – excruciatingly so.

You’d think that after all I’ve “accomplished” in my life I’d have this doubt thing figured out. Right!?  I’ve written and published ten books (two more in the works). I’ve created and published nearly forty online courses. I’ve managed to support hundreds of women and men through my local and online courses and through one-on-one mentoring and spiritual counseling. I’ve officiated weddings and funerals. I’ve been present with friends through some of the most horrific experiences imaginable. Somehow in my work of service to the world – one that is rather difficult to describe or explain – I have eked out a living for myself and my children.  

And yet, on the daily, I am certain that I have failed and that my work doesn’t matter. And I wonder if it’s time to cash it all in and get a “real job.” UGH

I would be tempted to admit to suffering imposter syndrome, but I (intellectually) know I’m good I am at what I do – not because I’m vain – but because of the feedback I receive from clients, students, and members of my local and online communities.  I, on the other hand, know that it is not me who is doing the work – it is the Divine working through me. Despite my human frailties I hear words come out of my mouth that I know are not mine but are exactly what the client/student needs to hear in order to heal and transform their lives.  I can’t take any credit for this.  I can only give the credit to God.

But still I doubt. I compare. I look at what other writers, spiritual teachers, healers, etc. are accomplishing and the notoriety they have achieved in their work and I’m certain I must be doing something wrong. The thought-police chip in with their doctrine that “if you just think the right thoughts you’ll have everything you want and wish for.” (Don’t get me started). Marketing experts and other successful business owners (by the standards of Capitalism) offer me their formulas for success – all of which I have attempted only to find myself “failing” even worse!  (is that possible?)  I’ve been told to work harder, dumb down my writing, get a makeover (seriously!!!??), change my dress, etc. etc. etc.  I tried the “work harder” piece and nearly killed myself from the effort (few consider chronic illness when handing out “work harder” advice). Dumbing down my writing isn’t an option and……I can’t even respond to makeovers and clothing.  Good God!  Is this really how people decide if you are good enough to support them in their journey?! 

UGH!  Just UGH!

In reading this, one might say, “maybe you just need to be happy with the people who love you and say good things about you.”  Hmmmmm.  Like my amazing and thoughtful youngest sister who continues to rave about the gifts she envies in me – my ability to get things done, to remain disciplined, persistent and tenacious in the work I do.  I agree with her, but I also feel uncomfortable with her words. In a way, I guess I take the gifts that I have for granted because they don’t really feel like mine.  The things I do well don’t come from me – they come from a source deep inside me that every once in awhile decides to make itself known and accomplishes things of which I know I am not humanly capable.  Like raising my amazing children?  How did that happen?!

Ok.  That’s one thing I can take credit for. God gave me the stuff to work with and the self-awareness tools and wisdom to know how to apply them in my parenting. But I applied them.  And my kids are pretty darn awesome if I dare say so myself.

I have no answer for the demons of doubt that show up nearly every day, but I am reminded of Jesus.  In the Garden and at the moment of his death, doubt was there.

Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.” Matthew 26: 38-39 

About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).   Matthew 27: 46

If the demons of doubt were good enough for Jesus, I guess they’re good enough for me. So I’ll just go on being excruciatingly human.


Authentic Freedom, by Lauri Ann Lumby, transcends centuries of dogma to reveal the powerful and life-changing message at the heart of Jesus’ teachings and the universal truths at the core of every religion. The book’s unique approach offers an opportunity for the reader to heal the separation they feel within themselves, with God and with each other, ultimately revealing the truth of Oneness. Built upon the compelling integration of Eastern Energy Medicine and the 2000-year-old tradition of Christian, contemplative spiritual practices, Authentic Freedom revels a Dynamic and unifying path of spiritual transformation that speaks to people of all traditions and beliefs.

Welcome to My Third Life!

Welcome to My Third Life

There is no more appropriate way to usher in the next stage of my life than to realign, re-vision and redefine the work I do in the world.  My work has always been about service – service to others and in service to the betterment of the world.  Today, to make our work noticeable and accessible to others, the first step is always to BUILD A BETTER WEBSITE.  If you are reading this post, you have arrived at my new virtual world.  As many will attest, my old world had become cluttered, much too heavy, and difficult to navigate.  I hope this new site more closely reflects the simplicity and ease of movement I have chosen for what I am now calling “my third life.”

My first life was easy.  Growing up. Attending school. Going to college.  Getting a grown up job. Finding my vocation. Getting married and having kids.

My second life began in 2000 when the universe pulled the rug out from under me and catapulted me into 21 years of DEEP/INTENSIVE Soul work which forced me to choose between my Soul and what had become familiar in my life – namely my Church and my marriage.  Choosing my Soul was the most difficult thing I have ever done and while excruciatingly painful in many ways, it paved the way to true inner freedom, contentment, and joy.

The most joyful and honorific part of my second life was in raising my children.  Everything I have done was for their sake, including the choice of my Soul.  Being of integrity around my own journey has given my children a model of living by integrity themselves – which they have done soooooo well.  I could not be more proud of my (now adult) children.  They are my heart and my joy. 

My third life began two weeks ago when my last birdie flew the nest. I’m still finding my ground outside of the routine informed by her presence.  This transition accompanies several others – moving out of my downtown office and into my home, making some timely decisions about my (now old) website, rearranging and simplifying my living space, redefining relationships, realigning my offerings to the world.  So much is currently up for grabs, but there is one thing I know for certain – I’m keeping things simple.  (a nod to my dad, Don Lumby and his number one rule of project management:  “Keep it simple stupid!”).

Simplicity. Balance. Attention to what I love.

Continuing my service to the world.

Stay tuned for what it yet to come.  I’m pretty sure it has something to do with building new worlds – for myself, for others, and for the world at large.