Personal Mastery

Rising Above the Chaos

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

As the world as we know it continues in its collapse, there are bound to be times of unbridled chaos:

  • Chaos created by those who stand to lose power.
  • Chaos manifesting as distractions, impulsive actions, and irrational and rash decisions.
  • Chaos instigated as an attempt to control a narrative.
  • Chaos created in the hopes of causing confusion.
  • Chaos as the reaction to above-mentioned chaos by those unable or unwilling to acknowledge their own anxiety and sense of unease in the face of said-chaos.
  • Chaos in the irrational anger, frustration, and impatience that arises in the face of unacknowledged and unmanaged fear.

Human-created chaos and human-reactions to chaos, most simply, are symptoms of the death throes of a world imploding. When the life we have known approaches its end, humans’ initial tendency is to cling to what has been, and that clinging most often manifests in rash attempts to manipulate and control their own dying.

Death, however, cannot be controlled. When a way of being has lived out its usefulness, it comes to a natural end. Nothing can stop it. Neither should one try.

In the face of a dying, however, humans are rarely rational. This is especially true in those who do not know how to acknowledge or manage the natural fears that arise in the face of endings. This unacknowledged and unmanaged anxiety comes out sideways in angry, rash, impulsive, and often irrational actions. These actions can be enormously obvious such as deploying military troops “to help eliminate crime” in areas where crime has already been effectively managed, or as subtle as rudeness or road rage.

No one is immune to the natural fear of endings. We have two choices in the face of these fears: allowing the collective chaos to sweep us away in a storm of our own anxiety and worry, thereby triggering our own responses to fear; or acknowledging the anxiety that we are feeling and employing the tools and resources we have for mitigating and managing fear.

Tools for managing the fears we naturally experience in the face of a dying world (as we know it) include: medication, meditation, movement, music, mindfulness and mindful actions and activities. Mindful activities can include anything from cooking to gardening, hiking, exercise, making love, and more. Really, anything that allows us to rise above, or move beneath the chaos of a world in its death throes works. It doesn’t matter what form our practice takes. What matters is it allows us to be present with our anxiety and move through it so we are no longer a prisoner of our own anxiety, or vulnerable to the fear-driven actions of others; but instead, we are peaceful, content, and safe as the world around us goes up in flames.

How are you rising above or moving below the chaos to find your own place of comfort and safety?

From the Eagle’s Perch

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

There is no doubt that we are living through troubling times. Between the chaos in the world and uncertainty around humanity’s survival, it is easy to lose hope. So much of what we have come to rely on is proving to be on shaky ground. What we once clung to for security has shown itself to be nothing more than an illusion at best, a bold-faced lie at worst. All that which has been rooted in fear is rising to be seen as the manipulation that it is.

Humanity is waking up. But in this waking up, all our dreams of security, surety, and safety are being shattered. With the death of every dream, we grieve. Grieving includes shock, trauma, terror, denial, bargaining, rage, depression/immobility/dissociation, and deep sorrow. In tending to our grief and the expected unknowns that follow death we may fall into negativity and despair, believing all is lost.

When we examine this awakening from the center of our grief, fear is a natural response. As a species, we like to believe we are in control of our fate and the unfolding of the plans we have made. When new worlds are being born, it is often difficult, if not impossible, to see glimpses of these new worlds as everything around us seems to be collapsing. Remaining too close to the symptoms of collapse can keep us from seeing the opportunities that are being born in the midst of it, and what these opportunities might bring on the other side. This is where seeing from the eagle’s perch becomes a helpful practice.

In the past, some have accused me of being a prophet. If prophet means one who knows how to read the sign of the times, then I accept that accusation as true. Life has shown me that I do see and that what I see almost always happens to be true. Some don’t like me because of this gift because they cannot stand in my presence and not be seen for who they truly are. Those with nothing to hide stand securely under my gaze. Liars, on the other hand, tend to run.

As it relates to world events, I see in a similar way. I see patterns with predictable outcomes based on similar patterns from the past. History, if not healed, DOES repeat itself (all we have to do is look to the war in Gaza to see this truth realized). Through this sight, I am able to predict an outcome of an event or experience if it follows a certain trajectory. The good news is that trajectories can change, therefore changing the outcome. Knowing this, I have often used my voice to warn of the likely outcome of a certain trajectory, hoping that humans might listen and change their own path (we have the power to do this!).

Further, I am able to see far beyond the current timeline and trajectory to the ultimate outcome. As it relates to human beings, I see two possible destinations: self-created extinction or the creation of a better world. It is entirely possible that humanity will choose extinction by refusing to rid itself of that which is rooted in fear, which then results in the human compulsions of greed, gluttony, lust for power, wrath, envy, sloth and pride.  These, if not healed will be the end of us all.

More likely, I see humanity making a different choice. I see humanity growing weary of a world created in gluttony, greed, etc. and in that weariness, seeking another way. Already, I have seen evidence of this movement from weariness to not only seeking but creating change. As much as I am often frustrated by humanity’s stubbornness and ill-will, I not only believe, but SEE that far more humans are generous, loving, peaceful, and kind. These are the humans who I see as coming together to change the tide. In fact, they already are – we just have to bring ourselves to a higher view in order to see them.  To bring ourselves to that higher view, we must transcend our own fears of the dying world, heal our conditioned fears and rise above that which would otherwise bring us down. Only in doing our own inner work are we able to clearly see the purpose of this collapse and the promise of a new world trying to be born.

An important note: Seeing from a higher perch doesn’t happen because we engaged in “positive thinking.”  Neither is it because we have become masters of spiritual bypass or disassociation. Instead, it is the result of deep, inner healing and practice where we are actively pursing the transformation and release of everything that has been made out of fear. In doing this work, WE are the ones who are coming together to choose a new world – one made out of kindness, generosity, and love; and not the one made out of fear.

How are you transforming your fears and unhealed wounds so that you can not only see, but participate in bringing forth this new world?

The Choosing

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

“Decide today who you will serve.”

The words above are from the Book of Joshua in the Hebrew scriptures and perfectly describe where we find ourselves at this point in our human evolution as we are being given an opportunity to choose:

  • Who or what do you serve?
  • Who or what do you follow?
  • Who or what do you worship?
  • Who or what do you seek to obtain or acquire?
  • Who or what do you believe in?
  • Where do you put your time, energy or attention?
  • What or who do you give your energy to?
  • How are you using this one precious life you’ve been given?

To me, there is only one appropriate response to these questions, the answer being Love (that which some might call God). When we choose to serve the cause of Love, when we follow Love to its source, when we hold Love above all else, when we seek to know Love more fully, when we believe in the power of Love, when we focus our time, energy, and attention on knowing and being Love, when we give ourselves over to being Love, and if Love is the goal and intention of our lives, then we find ourselves authentically free – meaning peaceful, joyful, and content.

When we choose anything other than Love, we are doomed to be imprisoned by our fears, our conditioning, and our limiting beliefs. Then, we become vulnerable to the manipulations of those who seek to benefit from our fears.

The world in which we are currently living is ruled by those who seek to benefit from our fears: Corporations. Politicians. Governments. Religious authorities. The Media. Conspiracy Theorists. Propaganda creators. – just to name a few. The world is rife with those who understand that fear is an easier choice than Love and who use those fears to control us by getting us to do what they want us to do for their benefit and our detriment. The wholesale destruction of Gaza, for example, is the result of a nation capitalizing on the fear they have created and the individuals around the world who financially benefit from a nation always at war. An example closer to home are the snake-oil salespeople who are happy to take advantage of those suffering with a tragic, difficult, or terminal diagnosis by making false promises of a cure.

What the world doesn’t know is that choosing fear is easier only because it’s all we’ve been conditioned to do. From the time we are conceived, fear is the primary message and tool of control. It doesn’t, however, have to be this way. Neither are we doomed to remain in fear. Breaking away from fear begins with a choice – a choice that we are invited to make every single moment of every single day. This choice begins with a simple question:

In this experience, am I choosing fear or Love?

Let me provide some simple examples:

When you are watching TV and an ad comes on for the latest “weight loss cure,” will you allow the ad to trigger your body judgement and be tempted, or even decide to purchase that product or will you see the ad for what it is – a corporation trying to make you feel bad about yourself so you will buy their product – so you can then decide to choose self-Love over fear?

When crazy sh*t is happening at the White House, do you get sucked into anxiety, fear, and the temptation to enter the spiral of doom, or do you take a breath, see it for what it is (something purposefully trying to trigger your fear), and then let it go with Love?

When a political party (or individual) uses the media to try to set apart a specific ethnic group as “the enemy,” do you buy into the fear or do you understand that in Love, there are no enemies – only those seeking to benefit from a world divided.

Choosing Love requires intention, dedication, discipline, and persistence. Choosing Love takes practice – and is a practice. Choosing Love is at once a choice and an unchoosing as we retrain ourselves from the fear we’ve been conditioned to choose to the Love that is our truest and most original nature. Only in choosing Love will we ever know peace and it is only in more choosing Love over fear that the world will ever know peace.

What are you choosing?

Choosing Love is a practice. All of the resources I provide support you in learning how to choose Love and how to unchoose fear.

Learn more here.

Don’t Be Fooled!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Human beings are most vulnerable when afraid. It is when we are afraid that we are most vulnerable to the manipulation of others. Fear causes us to look for something – anything – to help ease our fear – even if what seems to ease our fear is a lie. When afraid, we just want something – anything – anyone – to promise we will be alright. Even when that promise includes something that might cause us harm. The promise might cost us emotionally, mentally, psychologically, physically, and most definitely, financially.

Depending on the magnitude of our fear, we may even be willing to sell our soul.

I have seen the evil that preys on fear at work in our world in a multitude of ways. In truth, it’s everywhere.  It’s in the “shaman” that promises to cure your psychosis.  It’s in the “influencers” who wave shiny objects in front of us, promising they will make us better, popular, famous, etc. It’s in so-called “reality TV” showing false images of beauty, wealth, status, and fame. It is in snake-oil salespersons promising a cure for cancer, ALS, Parkinson’s, and any other undesired medical diagnosis. It’s in the unsavory fitness and diet gurus promising their way is the only way to weight loss and long life. It’s in an advertising industry that purposefully preys on our fears, promising that their product is the solution to that fear. It’s in anyone speaking from the farthest reaches of the spectrum promising their way is the only right way and that anyone else is wrong.

We are living in a time in which humanity’s fears are at their highest – a world plagued by war, disease (including pandemics), homelessness, poverty, and hunger. The threat of nuclear war feels very much alive. Earthquakes and volcanoes are erupting at unprecedented levels. Our food and water resources have been poisoned. Weather has become increasingly violent. Millions of people recently lost their lives to Covid. A million more are currently facing annihilation under the orders of fascist dictators hiding behind the masks of democracy.

Humanity has good reason to feel afraid. Fear is a natural, human, response to anything that is outside of our realm of control. Fear, however, does not need to destroy us, and it is most certainly not a reason to give ourselves over to the false promises of charlatans, or anyone promising to have the cure for what ails us. Instead, the answer to fear is that which allows us to move through it so that we might return to our center where we can be in touch with – not someone else’s truth – but our own truth. As Frank Herbert wrote in his immortal classic, Dune:

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
(Bene-Gesserit Litany Against Fear)

When we are afraid, we are vulnerable to the manipulations of those who prey on our fears. When we sit with, move past and through our fear, we are able to return to our original nature of peaceful equilibrium. In this place of inner peace, we will see and know the truth. We are able to see through the masks worn by those seeking to have power over us through our fears. Equally, we are able to distinguish truth from falsehood. In this, we will see clearly those who might be authentic support for us in the face of whatever we are fearing – not by making us dependent upon their lies, but empowered in our own truth. Becoming comfortable with our fear and learning effective tools for being with and moving through those fears, makes us immune to manipulation and unable to be fooled by those who might otherwise seek to cause us harm.

NOTE: Those who are attempting to fool us often believe their intentions are good. Watch out especially for these for not only are they lying to you, they’re lying to themselves.

online course

Authentic Freedom supports you in learning how to identify, heal, and transform fear. In doing so, you are freed to see and know truth, and identify and avoid falsehoods. Buy the book or take the class!

book in paperback and audible

Be Still

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know I.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.
Psalm 46:10

During times of great upheaval, chaos, and turmoil, the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and the world is to be still. Being still draws us inward toward our original nature which is peace. In stillness we are able to locate the deep well of contentment that is present within us always – when we remember to take the time to return there. Returning there is the remedy to the anxiety, fear, and hyper-fixation that is triggered when everything around us feels to be outside of our control. In that deep well of inner peace, we find comfort, inspiration, guidance, and even a sense of safety when everything around us seems to be on the verge of collapse.

Collapsing it is. Collapsing is what it needs to do. We cannot prevent the collapse, nor should we try.

Instead, we are invited to be. To be witness. To wait and watch. To observe where and how we are being triggered by the collapse, and care for ourselves by turning within.

It is in being still that we shall be unharmed. Stillness provides us with safety and protection. Simply being allows us to find center while everything around us is turning to shit.

Eventually, the collapse will come to its natural end. What will remain will be those who were able to be still. Those who knew how to simply be will be the ones gathering the seeds left behind by the winnowing and who will know how to plant them so that a new world might begin.

If you want to be part of the new world that is coming into being:

Be still.

For over 25 years, Lauri Ann Lumby, MA, has provided one-on-one support for those seeking peace and/or direction in their lives. As a trained spiritual director with a master’s degree in Transpersonal Psychology, Lauri has the perfect education, background, and experience to support you in hearing your own truth, healing past wounds, overcoming trauma, and finding the tools to help you move through the inner obstacles that might be keeping you from the inner contentment you most desire.

Learn more here.

Musing on Magic

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

When one is called to, and says “yes” to a life of magic, everything turns upside down and inside out. No longer is life measured by things of this world. The magical life is intangible and measured by the invisible.

Magic is not about what we do.  It’s who we are.

Real magic requires no rituals or rhyming spells. Instead, it arises from within, cultivated in silence. Like a seed bursting out from the soil, it is known. Born out of mystery. Nurtured in darkness.

True magic is a natural unfolding. Free to emerge because one has cleared away the inner obstacles otherwise blocking the way. Magic is the manifestation of the miraculous – God’s holy desire revealing itself through us.

Magic is effortless. It is an allowing. A yielding. A right of way. Magic is ourselves getting out of the way as God walks in.

Not to seek, but only to be found. Magic is the Divine in our midst.

As a great teacher once reminded, “I have told you, you are gods.” (John 10:34)

Do You See It Yet?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

This afternoon, the social media world was abuzz with the latest in a long-line of actions that have threatened the separation of church and state in the U.S. – something upon which our nation was established (Article 1 of the Constitution) and disseminated through a wide variety of laws. One of those laws appears to have been threatened today by a filing of the IRS which seems to give pastors the right to endorse political candidates without the risk of losing their tax-exempt status. Social media is in an uproar.

What I want to know is why the uproar? More pointedly, why the shock and surprise? From my vantage point, the separation of church and state is nothing more than a lie we’ve been telling ourselves for the past 250 years.

We need only look at the violence and hatred perpetuated by churches via Christian Nationalism, the pro-birth and anti-ERA, anti-LGTBQ+, and anti-civil rights movements to know that church has always been given power in our nation, despite our valiant attempts to stop them. The fact that in some states access to women’s health care has been banned due to religious influence, and that in some states government buildings are required to post the Ten Commandments, and valuable public educational funding is being whittled away by school vouchers to private (often religious) schools, tells me all I need to know about the lie we’ve been told.

Do you see it? The lie?

The myth of separation of church and state is not, however, the only lie.  We are living through an exciting (albeit unsettling) time in human history where all the lies are being laid bare. One by one by one, everything we’ve been told to be true about the freedoms and liberties we are guaranteed by the Constitution are showing themselves to be false. If not an outright lie, we are being shown where the foundation upon which our nation was built is vulnerable and full of holes. We are being shown, that the United States is a nation, not built out of brick, but made out of sand.

For those who rely on the perceived certainty of the Constitution, this can feel like a terrifying time. No one wants to learn that the system of checks and balances upon which we have placed our trust is complete and utter bullshit.  It is, in fact, horrifying to watch how easily these supposed guarantees are not just, whittled away, but completely ignored with zero consequence.

This is an apocalypse in the truest sense of the word: to reveal. We are being shown what is true about our nation, and what is not. We are also being given a choice. Do we allow the revelation of these truths/falsehoods destroy us, or do we see them for what they are – errors to be repaired and wounds to be healed. We cannot heal what is wrong with our nation until we are fully able to see what is wrong. Only then can we begin the critically important tasks of reform.

But first we have to be willing to see.

What are you seeing?

Sloth is the compulsion through which we refuse to use the mind we’ve been given to reason, discern, and exercise truth. Healing the fear that causes this compulsion is one step in the path of our true liberation. Embracing the truth that WE DO KNOW and WE CAN SEE frees us from ignorance and the power of others to manipulate us through falsehoods.

Learn more HERE

It’s All About Power

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

how we cultivate it, protect it, with whom and under what circumstances we share it

It is not a coincidence that the recent surgery I had (and from which I am still recovering) was to repair a separation of the muscles in the center of my abdomen in the area of the solar plexus and to secure that (likely genetic) weakness. Throughout my life, I have tended to be a leaky person – giving my energy and power away (governed by the solar plexus chakra) to those who don’t deserve it and allowing my energy and power to be stolen from me by ill-intended beings.

In a culture that trains us to be co-dependent, a leaky solar plexus isn’t unusual. We are conditioned to be caretakers of everyone else’s needs but our own, while also being taught it is our responsibility to make the world a better place to live by conquering evil and birthing “love and light.” Whereas I do not argue the love part, what I’ve learned is that conquering evil is less about what we do “out there” and more about what we do within.

Those who operated in our world from a place of evil, gluttony, lust, wrath, envy, greed, sloth, and pride are doing so from a place of great emptiness. Due to their brokenness, they have no power of their own. As a result, they seek to get that power from others. Think of sexual predators, abusers, manipulators, and deceivers. They all do what they do so as to steal energy and power away from the (perhaps) less broken, but decidedly vulnerable.

Let’s use the “Big Beautiful Bill” as an example. Only powerless, hateful humans would come up with a plan to deprive the most vulnerable among us of the programs that provide for their most basic needs. I had a moment of fear and allowed myself a couple days to grieve after the tentative passing of the bill. Myself, my son, my father, and other people I dearly love, stand to lose access to life-saving care should the bill be implemented as planned.

This brings me back to power. It was appropriate for me to allow a day to grieve and process, but with this, and other situations I find myself facing in this moment, I also have a choice. Will I allow my own energy and power to be drawn from me by ill-intended beings? Am I willing to give my energy to worry, fear, anger, hatred, and rage (which is exactly what the ill-intended want), or do I call my energy back to myself and anchor it deep within my own being where it belongs?

The easy answer is the latter. Accomplishing this task, however, is easier said than done. It takes years, and sometimes a lifetime, to realize that we have been giving our energy away or that it is being stolen from us. Some never learn this. I’m grateful that sometime in the last 20ish years, I came to understand the energy draining behavior with which I had become familiar. Today, I’m still working on NOT giving my energy away and keeping it to myself. It is a daily, if not a moment by moment practice.

Our energy and power was never meant for anyone but ourselves. It is ours. It is what fuels our gifts and draws those in need of our gifts toward us. Unfortunately, it also draws to us those who want our energy for their own with no intention of acknowledging or applying the gifts we so freely share. Our power serves as a magnet, drawing toward us those of like mind, our “tribe,” along with those who would use our gifts for their own ill-intended benefit. I think of it this way, fully-in-power humans draw other fully-in-power humans along with those who are lacking in true power and think they can get some by spending time with us. The mythological name for the latter of these two is succubi. You know of whom I speak – those who are draining just to be around and those who enthusiastically claim to respect and honor your gifts and drink deeply of the well you provide, but who actually learn nothing for lack of application. Equally guilty are those who say they value your gifts but do nothing to engage, utilize, or share them.

Every time we give our energy to these kinds of people, we are depriving ourselves of our own power and diminishing that which we may be called to share with those who would actually benefit. You will know this experience by how you feel exhausted, frustrated, impatient, and even angry over how you’ve given your energy away or how it’s been stolen from you.

The key, is to STOP. Stop giving away your gifts, your energy, your time, your power, to those undeserving. The politicians and constituents who supported the “Big Beautiful Bill” are not deserving of your energy or power. Engaging in worry and fear, anger and hatred, the desire to do battle, serves no one except those who want you to feel afraid. Instead of giving into the temptation of allowing your energy and power to be drained away, CALL IT BACK. When you find yourself worried, impatient, afraid, angry, STOP and call that energy back. Draw it deep into yourself and hold it there.  Allow the magic of your power to gather, grow, strengthen, and become anchored in who you are as a person of Love. SIT in that Love and allow it to radiate from within you.  Sitting in the center of your own power deprives life-force vampires from taking your energy and triggering your fears. Keeping your energy to yourself prevents succubi and other ill-intended beings from their source of nourishment. Don’t let them have it -your power or your energy. Keep it to yourself. This is how we drain the swamp – not by giving into their ministrations, chaos, and bullying tactics, but by calling our energy back to ourselves and keeping it there. When we stop giving them our power, they have nothing left to live from. Then, they will either get help for their brokenness, or die from lack of nourishment.

When we stop giving our energy away, we and our solar plexus energy center will find itself healthy and wholly intact – as it was always meant to be.

PS  Thank you to Dr. Lee Stratton and his team at Aurora Hospital for your expert care and support.

In my online course, Into the Wilderness with Authentic Freedom, we do a deep dive into the chakra system – how each chakra corresponds to our physical, mental, emotional, and especially spiritual bodies. In this course, you learn how to identify the fears that are triggering energy leaks (for example) and other non-life-giving symptoms and how to heal and transform those fears so that you might return to your most authentic self.

Learn more HERE

Honing Our Witness Practice

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

Being an objective witness to the natural unfolding of the universe without interjecting our own need to control, our unhealed wounds, or our desperate desire to feel safe, is a really difficult task. If we have the ability to read people, events and choices for the likely outcome they will produce, it makes being witness even more challenging.

As one who has almost always been right (I admit a shred of pride in sharing this, but mostly it is a statement of historical fact), it physically hurts me to watch people I care about stepping in a direction that I know will likely cause them harm. Further, it enrages me when I watch liars and charlatans taking advantage of the weak and vulnerable and gaining wealth and notoriety while doing so. As a first-born who developed the defense mechanisms of fixer and protector, I want with my whole soul to intervene. Intervention, I have learned, rarely helps and most often harms. (The exception being life-choices that may be life-threatening.)

Being an objective witness requires that we lay our need to control aside, allowing individuals to make their own choices – no matter how poor those choices might be. The savior in me cringes in even writing this, but it is true. What I am continually reminded of is that each of us is on our own individual journey and who we choose to be and how we choose to follow our path is really nobody else’s business but our own. We are here to learn our own lessons – or not learn them as the case may be.

Instead of reaching out in warning, putting forth a challenge, or getting emotionally worked up over human beings’ choices, we are invited to stand back. Watch. Observe. For me, this includes the additional practice of silencing my inner critic who stands in judgment with arms crossed in self-righteousness.  Further, I find I am invited to acknowledge the strong outward pull of my unhealed wounds of fixer and protector, and draw that pull inward, reminding myself that it is not my job to fix or protect others from their potentially harmful decisions. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands, bite my tongue, and close my eyes, my whole body shaking in effort as I wrestle that former impulse to intervene into stillness.

Being objective witness is not easy, but as my Zen friends would say, “We are all here in our own sit.” It is not my job to interfere with the life-journey of another. The best I can do is use what I see as seeds for my own healing and growth, while giving others the freedom to experience the consequences of their choices and the opportunities for learning that come in those choices. Further, I can share the lessons I’ve learned and the tools I’ve gathered in the event that some might find them helpful.

How are you honing your witness practice?

Being objective witness begins with our own journey of self-awareness and healing. The Authentic Freedom protocol developed by Lauri Ann Lumby is a great place to get started with that healing.

Learn more about Authentic Freedom here and how you can begin that journey.

Undoing Toxic Capitalistic Conditioning

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

I am not afraid to publicly admit my vulnerability or share my woundedness. I have observed that in being open and transparent, others are often able to find healing themselves, or at the very least validation for their own feelings and experiences.

Most recently, the thing with which I am most struggling is my sense of failure and shame over where I find myself in my life. Nowhere in my life have I succeeded in the ways in which we are measured or judged in a capitalistic society. I’ve never been given opportunities for wealth. I’ve never had enough discretionary income to save or invest. I don’t have a wall full of awards. I’m not popular in the capitalistic sense of popularity. I’ve never even been “Almost Famous.”

Instead, the opportunities I’ve been given led me to a kind of calling that cannot be measured through externals but only by what is within. At one time, I received validation, affirmation, support, praise and even a sort of notoriety through said-calling, but even that was taken from me (rather, I chose obedience to a calling over obedience to an institution).

Since leaving the institution of the Catholic Church, I’ve been out in the world doing what I have felt called to do. But as of this moment, even this seems to be falling away. Instead of having something somewhat tangible to hold, I find myself doing work to pay my bills that in some ways has its own kind of reward, but which strongly suppresses what I consider to be my truest gifts. There is a sense of emptiness and loss as my gifts lay dying on the ground while I’m just trying to survive in a world that was not made for me.

I’m tired. I feel empty. I’m quite close to abandoning any and all hope of fulfillment in the sense that we’ve been conditioned to believe we are deserving of.

One thing I’ve learned in this life is that we don’t deserve shit. Hard work does not equal success. Neither does a so-called Divine calling. But how, really, is Divine Calling measured?

  • Jesus was crucified.
  • Joan of Arc was burned at the stake.
  • Edith Stein was sent to the gas chamber.
  • Maximilian Kolbe died by lethal injection.
  • Gandhi was assassinated.
  • Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated.
  • Nelson Mandella was imprisoned and tortured.

A Divine Calling provides no guarantees. And yet, for some of us, it seems we have no choice but to follow this so-called Divine path, sacrificing capitalistic rewards for something else.

Today I’m not sure what that “something else” might be. Instead, I feel like I’m drowning in a sense of failure and its accompanying shame. The voice of this shame is continually trying to convince me I did something wrong, I chose the wrong path, and my true gifts don’t really matter. Everyday I feel like I’m bumping up against an impenetrable wall keeping me from my gifts and those who find them to be of value. It’s exhausting and heartbreaking.

And I know I’m not alone. This is why I’m baring my soul. I see you. In know who you are. You are my closest friends and companions who have equally “failed” in the capitalistic sense. You are the intuitives, neurodiverse, visionaries, prophets, and sensitive souls who have found this world simply too much to bear. Many of you struggle with “chronic illness,” in a world for which you were not made. I see you.  I know you.  I’ve heard your stories. Our stories are very much the same.

This too was Jesus’ story and the story of many who followed him:

“I have given them your Word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.”  John 17: 14-16

Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world.” John 18:36

As those who are called to be and do the work of Love in a world that wants to divide through hatred, we, like Jesus, are not of this world. Instead, we are working on a different plane (so to speak). The work we do is vibrational. It is spiritual. It is energetic. It is intangible and subjective. It cannot be measured by either mathematics, physics, or capitalism. While we may know and believe this in the depths of our soul, this does not free us from the conflict between what our hearts know and what the world wants us to believe. This is where our spiritual practice becomes ever-more important. For me it is this:

  1. I first had to recognize the sense of failure and shame – in how it has been coming out sideways, then as it is anchored in my conditioning.
  2. Then, through inner pondering, I had to identify the nature and source of that shame. Where did I learn this? How is it part of my conditioning? How is it proving harmful.
  3. Then, I chose a self-forgiveness practice to support the healing and release of that shame.
  4. This practice is an ongoing work in progress, but I know that and know to have patience with myself as I heal.
  5. I’m also seeing all the ways in which I try to barrel through the pain of this shame and am TRYING to choose self-care and rest over forcing myself to abide by the “rules of survival.”
  6. Then comes the hard part – trusting that as I care for myself my material needs will be taken care of.

This capitalistic world is not made for us. Yet we have spent our entire lives being conditioned by its rules and measures of success. Undoing toxic capitalistic conditioning isn’t easy. But if we feel called to be Love, we have no choice but to transcend the capitalistic conditioning that has kept the entire world imprisoned. In undoing this conditioning, we are freed from this imprisonment, while providing an example that others may one day choose to follow.

Oh….and here’s a great anthem for undoing toxic capitalistic conditioning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwhBRJStz7w

Deepening Your Practic

The Authentic Freedom protocol, created by Lauri Ann Lumby, provides a solid and reliable framework for undoing toxic conditioning and healing our inner spiritual wounds. Into the Wilderness guides you through the in-depth process of learning and applying this process for the sake of your own liberation and freedom.

Learn more HERE