Sorrow, Melancholy, and Disappointment

This morning, a dear friend of mine shared a traditional Sicilian prayer for the new year, along with its English translation:

The old year goes away and will never return.
May it take with it all my melancholy,
may it erase sadness
and the bitterness of dark days.
New Year, come forward, come on—
everyone celebrates you.
Bring joy, health, and love
to all the friends I carry in my HEART.
May it be a blessed year for everyone,
even if it won’t be perfect.
May the good Lord guide us
in the new year that is to come… Buon Anno

Thank you, Nina, for bringing forth the words that for so many describe the weird year of 2025.  To this list, I would add: disappointment.

2025 has truly been brutal. For empaths and sensitives, I think this is especially true. It’s just too much to be made to wear and then process the collective trauma of all that has transpired in the last year. Personally, I have felt very much like the silver ball in the pinball machine getting continually batted around by the player who refuses to take his finger off the G.D. red button.

I don’t need to go into any detail here. We all know. (If we don’t know, we’re either not paying attention or are one of the very few benefitting from the relentless chaos and abuse of this past year.)

Is 2026 going to be better?  I know better than to offer predictions or promises.

It’s like the meme I keep seeing on social media:

Somedays it feels like that – even for those of us who have spent the last many years cultivating detachment, bullet-proof boundaries, and witness consciousness. It seems no matter how much inner work we have done, or how many lessons we have mastered, we cannot help but find ourselves triggered by what is happening in the world around us and within those close to us. And if you’re a recovering perfectionist like me, we can’t help but be frustrated and disappointed with ourselves when we find ourselves triggered – and even more so when we find ourselves reacting to these triggers out of our unhealed wounds – wounds that we arrogantly believed we had healed for good. HAH!

Turns out, we’re never fully healed. I cannot tell you how much this fact hurts my perfectionistic soul. I guess I’m not the Messiah I one day hoped I would be. Neither, it turns out, do I have a foundation for my self-righteousness. To my utter despair, I’m just as irreparably flawed as anyone else.  

For me, this year has been especially hard on my perfectionistic nature, leaving me feeling deep sorrow, melancholy, and disappointment – yes, at the world around us, but even more so with myself. I’m sad for the times my wounds got the best of me. I’m sorry for those who ended up being the target of my reactions. I wish I was better at detaching from other people’s reactions and more compassionate toward their unhealed wounds. I wish I was more adept at withholding judgment and simply letting people be – especially when my discerning eye sees something that I think could be done in a better way.

As it relates to the world…..my heart just breaks. I will never, ever, ever, understand the cruelty of human beings. I will never comprehend the “need” for war. I will never understand how human beings can stand back as other human beings are starving, homeless, or living in poverty. I will never comprehend why certain men hoard wealth while turning a blind eye to the millions upon millions of human beings who are struggling just to survive. All of this really makes me truly sad and questioning the need for human beings. I often think the world really would be better off without us.

And maybe that’s the point. Human beings do not add a single thing to this planet. And yet, here we are – an experiment of some alien god to see how long it takes us to fail or an expression of another God (Love) hoping we will one day succeed in remembering who we are and find our way home?  At the end of the day, I guess the reason why doesn’t matter. What matters is what we do with this life we’ve been given. Do we choose a life of selfishness and hatred, or do we do our best to choose Love? No matter how many times that pinball paddle hurts me, I continue to choose Love – at least I try to.  

So, with this, I return to Nina’s prayer and offer it up as a prayer for us all. May it be fulfilled as we step cautiously and timidly into this new year.

With love,

Lauri

Seeing Beyond Appearances

As 2024 draws to a close, I have grown especially fond of the memes that identify this past year as one of the most difficult ever!  I don’t need to get into the details for you to know what I mean. While things could have been a whole lot worse, 2024 was a year I would not choose to relive!  I’m weary. The whole world seems weary.

Despite what we might see on the surface of things: the conflict, the wars, the politicking, perceived division, etc.; a much greater movement is happening. That which has been born out of fear and rooted in power and control is breaking apart. On many days, it may not look like it, but it is.

Perhaps the best way to see this breaking apart is to look at the political conflicts in our world, in particular, the men with large faces and even louder voices who seem to be leading us all toward our own destruction. Interestingly, those who are the most boisterous and who garner the most attention are those who perfectly represent and embody the dying system. These are the men who have thrived in a patriarchal and hierarchical system and who are clinging and grasping after the control they believe they need to maintain their power. Damn the rest of humanity, what matters to them is their power.

While we may look upon these men as our enemies, what if instead, they are the vehicles through which the dying world will finally die so that a new world might come forth. What if, as my mom used to say, “the kitchen has to get dirtier before it can become clean.” What if what seems to be humanity moving backward, we are simply being pulled back like a sling shot so we can be hurled to our new futures?

Things are not always as they appear to be. As human beings, we see our lives and our world through the limitations of our judgment which has been formed by our preferences, previous conditioning, and societal expectations. In order to survive the breaking apart of what has been and the temporary discomfort of that breaking, we have to see through different eyes. We have to lay aside our own judgments and perceptions and allow for another view. For me, this means turning to my highest self (what some might call God) and asking to see the truth beyond the illusion. In every instance where I have asked for help in seeing so that I might understand, I have been surprised at what I’m shown and in that surprise, I have found comfort, along with the courage to keep on existing while the entire world seems to be falling apart.  

As we timidly move toward 2025, let us be open to seeing beyond appearances and to the Love that is ultimately guiding it all.


Seeing through the Lens of Love

The Order of the Magdalene Formation Program provides you with resources, knowledge, and tools to support you in your own journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Through this eighteen-month training program, you will:

  • Become rooted in scholarly and intuitive knowledge of the Magdalene, her role in the ministry of Jesus, and her example in the ongoing mission of Love.
  • Discern your own unique giftedness and how you are called to use these gifts for the sake of your own fulfillment and in service to the world.
  • Learn practical skills for uncovering and healing all that separates you from Love and from living as your most authentic self.
  • Rediscover ancient knowledge and practices for self-healing.
  • Cultivate and deepen your contemplative life while growing in contentment and compassion.

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

64 weeks of content

7 individual courses

6 private mentoring sessions