This morning, I can finally breathe after an intense week of US presidential elections, learning the results and processing those results. For some it has been a week of victory, for others shock, trauma, and grief. For all of us, we are now faced with a decision about how to move forward. Do we move forward divided, or do we move forward with love?

I choose love.

That is not to say that I am not concerned. I am concerned – especially for the safety of the vulnerable among us, perhaps even for our own safety. I also have worries about services upon which I depend being taken away. I worry about the safety of women, especially as it relates to reproductive care. I worry about my gay and trans friends. For the latter worries especially, I say, I am an ally, an advocate, and a safe place.

As those whose candidate lost processed their grief, I too have been grieving. I’ve experienced all faces of that grief – shock, denial, bargaining, anger, depression and sorrow. Thursday I couldn’t stop crying. I allowed myself space to grieve while knowing that I would survive this too.

I’ve survived a lot and always at my darkest hour, something has stepped in that gives me hope and a reason to move on.

Yesterday, that “something” came in the form of an honest and intimate discussion with a dear friend who (as it turns out) voted differently than I. We had an open and non-judgmental question and answer conversation where we each shared why we chose the way we did. I learned a lot.  I believe they did too. Through this conversation, I was able to see where “my” party failed and where “their” candidate succeeded. I could see why “my” candidate wasn’t everyone’s choice. I was also reminded of the fact that political campaigns have very little, if anything, to do with policy. “My” candidate has a very different background from “their” candidate – who is a born salesman. Salespeople purposefully speak to the perceived needs and wants of those they want to win over. They don’t always mean what they say. In the end it’s a “I guess we’ll have to wait and see,” what is actually done – if anything.

Some may accuse me of being naïve. Perhaps I am. But more than anything, I refuse to participate in the ongoing force of division. I will not, as some Facebook posts have suggested, block friends or family who voted differently than I, simply because of their vote. I know many whose values are best reflected in traditional conservative politics. They cast their vote based on what is important to them. Many have only one or two policy points that secured their vote. Upon speaking with my friend, I shared their values on those points, and they shared with me the values that secured my vote. The people I love who voted for “the other” candidate are good people who are loving, kind, and generous. Why would I block them simply because they voted differently than I?

Division is the work of the enemy. Division is how we are conquered. Division causes us to believe each other is the enemy, instead of that which is seeking to conquer us.

Throughout this presidential campaign, division has been used as a weapon to distract us from the true enemy. The enemy is not my friends and loved ones who chose a different candidate. The enemy is that which causes us to turn our backs on our fellow human beings. The enemy is that which closes our ears to another’s needs. The enemy is that which insists we are right and “they” are wrong. The enemy is that which prevents us seeing the struggle of others and how that struggle might influence their political decisions. The enemy is a system that pits one side against the other and which seeks to control us through intimidation and fear. The enemy is a system that creates “haves” and “have nots.”

The enemy is the system. And the reality is that both parties are part of that system. Neither, in the end, will accomplish the work we all truly desire – which is a dismantling of the system – because they all depend upon it and thrive within it.

The system will prevail as long as we, the American people, are divided. If we truly want change in our world, we have to defy the system and its weapon of division. We need to reach across the chasm of the perceived divide and welcome each other to the table. We need to listen – deeply – to each other’s pain. We need to ask the difficult questions and listen to understand. We need to be the love for each other that we all so desperately need.

Instead of hate, we need to BE LOVE. Instead of cultivating division, we need to seek unity.

Instead of blocking or unfriending those who voted differently, we would benefit from asking why. We might find that we have much more in common than the differences we perceive.

At the end of the day, I believe we all (most of us anyway) want the same things – food on our table, a roof over our heads, clothing on our backs, meaningful work, to feel healthy and safe, and to know that we are loved. If I can do nothing else, at least I can be love, knowing that that alone can change another person’s life – maybe even my own.