Please enjoy this week’s spiritual service:
Discernment
When the Invisible becomes Visible
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)
I have lived my entire life simply by the whisperings of faith. If it feels right, or hits me square between the eyes, I have pursued it. No questions asked. (No, that’s a lie. I’ve had lots of questions, doubts, bargaining and asking, “God, are you really sure about this?” God has always been sure. My human self – not so much).
Faith is a strange thing because we are most often taught that faith requires effort. We’re told to “believe,” and we will be rewarded for that belief. We’re taught that “faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains,” implying that if we can’t move the mountain, we either don’t have enough faith or we’re not trying hard enough. The same is true about walking on water.
This has not been my experience of faith at all! Instead, faith has been like a wave in the ocean that pushes me forward into a certain direction and try as I might, I cannot resist that flow. Faith has lifted me out of certain life situations and my own ill-conceived plans, and dropped me on another shore. Faith is a force I have ceased from resisting, as I have learned that there is nothing but hardship in denying ourselves the force of faith’s movement. Faith knows better what is right for us than what we could ever conceive of ourselves.
Faith is what has kept me going when I thought all was lost and there was no more hope. Faith has kept me true to my path despite my doubt and the outward appearance(s) of failure. Faith has moved me beyond western definitions of success and into a place where I (mostly) know and trust that my presence is planting some kind of seed and my efforts are producing a kind of fruit that I just don’t yet see.
Recently, I was gifted with several opportunities to see that fruit. This fruit was not what I was looking for, neither was it what I had expected. Yet, the visible appearance of this fruit filled my heart to overflowing, gave validation to my choices, and has made me profoundly grateful and humbled.
Western conditioning trains us to look for proof of our success in something big. We’re told to look for the flashing billboard and a pile of wealth. We’re instructed to believe that a teacher is measured by the number of students they have (not the number of teachers they empower).
Faith has shown me something else. Instead, of the above, what I was given to see is that the fruits of my efforts are subtle, invisible, yet deeply rooted. I was given to see that my presence and the simple effort of me just being me has had a profound impact on several people’s lives. In not one, but several conversations in the past week, I was told, in very visible terms, how my presence has impacted people’s lives.
I can only respond to the gratitude expressed by these many acquaintances/friends with my own gratitude along with a deep humility in knowing that I did not do that! Yes, I was the vessel through which they experienced my presence as gift, but it was, and has always been, God/Faith working through me. And here’s the most startling fact about this fruit – the majority of those who shared their gratitude, only two had ever set foot in my office or taken one of my classes. These were mostly people I have simply encountered in my journey of being me.
I guess we never truly know the impact we have in other people’s lives until Faith steps in to show us, making the invisible visible.
Toxic Over Responsibility
Somewhere during the time of Eckart Tolle, a movement began of toxic over-responsibility. Due to the Western tendency to twist the sayings of wisdom teachers to conform to our achievement-oriented, overworking paradigm, we have come away with self-help practices that leave us responsible not only for our own actions, but for the actions of others. Platitudes that say things like:
- The wound you see in another is simply a reflection of your own wound.
- The bad behavior of another is simply a reflection of your own bad behavior.
- If you see a fault in your brother, that fault is actually yours.
- If you are triggered by another’s behavior or actions, it is reflecting back to you a wound in yourself in need of healing.
Where there may be some truth in these or similar statements, they are not wholly true and have cast us into the role of over-responsibility to ourselves and under-responsibility as it relates to the behavior of others. While we are busy exploring and taking responsibility for our own wounds, we are letting far too many people off the hook.
Being accountable to our own wounds and the things that trigger them is never a bad thing. Entering fully into the practice of forgiveness (healing ourselves of the wounds caused by another’s bad behavior) is a worthwhile and liberating endeavor. But, if our journey of self-care and personal responsibility is letting the other off the hook then that is leaving us vulnerable to further harm. Further, by focusing only on ourselves, we are allowing the other to remain in their state of arrested development.
I agree, it is not our responsibility to heal or fix others. Neither do we have control over the actions of others. We only have control over how we react to our own triggers and setting appropriate boundaries around our personal safety needs. We ARE NOT, however, responsible for the actions of others. In other words, it is not only our unhealed wounds that cause us to be triggered by other people’s bad or irresponsible or disrespectful behavior.
What we are calling triggers, might not be triggers at all. They might simply be our own inner compass reacting to the asshole in the room. As human beings, we are hard-wired to detect bad behavior in another. We know what is right and what is wrong. (Ok, some of us do). There is a visceral sensation that arises in our bodies when another is acting in an irresponsible, dangerous, threatening, or morally questionable way. We have the ability to detect deception, betrayal, a lack of integrity, shady or questionable behaviors. Yet, between our cultural conditioning that says to “give people the benefit of the doubt,” or “be nice,” we either disregard those feelings, or turn them inward, somehow making them our own responsibility.
The questionable, unprofessional, deceptive, behaviors of another ARE NOT OUR FAULT, neither are they our responsibility. Contrary to the toxic over-responsibility movement, the bad behaviors of another HAVE NOTHING to do with our unhealed wounds. Instead, the feelings that arise in us when faced with another’s unsavory behavior is simply our TRUTH BAROMETER calling BULLSHIT. Isn’t it long past time we start listening to that voice and stop taking responsibility for other people’s shitty behavior?
Truth Stands on Its Own
Truth always finds its way to the light where it can be readily seen by those who have the eyes to see, bringing justice to situations where untruths otherwise prevailed.
In one case I was aware of these truths. Although the revelations of these truths would have provided me with much vindication, I had kept silent about these truths for the sake of others who might be hurt by them. These truths had been the cause of much pain in my own life, truths that the human part of me wanted to shout to the world as a way of “getting back” at those who had hurt me. Instead, I chose silence, knowing and trusting that these truths would eventually find their way to the light for those who needed to know in a time that was perfect for them.
And this is exactly what happened. The truth came to light bringing healing and closure where neither were previously thought possible. In addition, the way in which these truths came to light brought empowerment for those, who through their own observations had intuited these truths. The revelation of these truths brought great validation for me in having taken the “high road” in choosing silence and trust over revenge.
It also serves as a great reminder that no matter how hard one works at disguising, denying or avoiding their truth, truth cannot be hidden for long and the deceiver will always give themselves away, if not directly then by slips of the tongue or getting caught in an outright lie.
This is the advice I offer to students and clients who are faced with similar situations of untruths – where harm has been done to them, and they want to take revenge on the “other” by telling everyone the truth. I say, “Wait. The truth will win out in the end. Those that need to know will find out if and when they need to.”
Choosing silence, trust, and a patient heart allows us to turn away from the human desire for revenge and toward forgiveness practices – those practices that free us from the resentment, hurt, sense of betrayal, anger and hatred that we might otherwise harbor against the other. Here we are able to free ourselves of the pain of the hurt while not causing harm to another. Choosing this path gives us freedom.
As I also advise my students and clients, “Karma is a bitch.” While I do not believe in a punitive God, I do believe in (and the human part of me takes great comfort in) the law of cause and effect. What you put out to the world will come back to you 100-fold. If you (intentionally) cause harm to another, that harm will come back to you. If you betray another, you will be betrayed. If you are a liar, you will be deceived. If you cheat, you will be cheated, etc. etc. etc. There is comfort in knowing that we reap what we have sown and for those who sow deceit this is what they shall reap. Truth, on the other hand, always wins. Choose truth.
Work with Lauri
Lauri Ann Lumby, MATP, has over twenty-five years of experience as a soul-tender, educator and guide. She has supported hundreds through her one-on-one guidance, books, workshops, retreats, over thirty online courses, and online community.
Learn more about Lauri’s education and qualifications HERE.
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Soul School with Lauri Ann Lumby is a one-of-a-kind education platform that provides the resources and tools to support you in becoming self-actualized.
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Soul
Soul is the uniquely creative way in which you have been gifted to find meaning and purpose in your life and the way in which you are called to find fulfillment in service to the betterment of the world. Soul is your true self – the part of you that knows your gift and your call, and is that which compels you to seek out, discover, cultivate, and nurture those gifts and their calling, thereby empowering you to share your gifts in service to the betterment of the world. -Lauri Ann Lumby
Soul School Essentials 1 Course Outline:
Lesson One: Soul’s Journey – The Map of the Soul
Lesson Two: Soul Design – Working with Jungian Archetypes
Lesson Three: Soul Purpose – Introduction to the Enneagram
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Lesson Five: Soul Speak – Discernment 101
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