Discernment

Freeing Ourselves from Demons

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I want to start out by saying I do not believe in “demons” in the classical sense of a dude in a red unitard sporting horns and carrying a pitchfork. Instead, I perceive of demons more in the psychological sense of fears, both inside and outside of us, that influence our beliefs, our actions, and our behaviors. These are the fears that have arisen from within us in response to all the things we have seen and experienced that have made us forget our original nature as Love. These fears manifest as “demons” in both a microcosmic and macrocosmic sense – the former as our own personal non-loving beliefs and behaviors, the latter manifesting as organizations and institutions who get their (perceived) power through these fears.

It was the latter that I bore witness to this past weekend and from which, on this fourth day, I am only just recovering. For the sake of the innocent, I will simply say this – I attended an event that throughout the duration, I felt the overwhelming need to flee. Being there for the sake of people very dear to me, I made myself stay, all the while finding myself cringing inside from an energy I couldn’t quite identify. I witnessed and heard things that made me want to scream and other things that broke my heart. I witnessed very little (of what I would call) truth and a lot of what I would call lies. I chastised myself for “being so judgmental” while also experiencing deep confusion over what I thought I knew. It took all of my personal energy to sit still and remain silent (mostly) in the face of what – at the time – I couldn’t quite name. When the event came to its conclusion, I hugged those dear to me and left. I have spent the last four days recovering and trying to make sense of what I had experienced.

Here’s the instructional part of this writing:

There are so many ways I could have responded to this experience. I could have simply wrapped my own blanket of self-righteousness around me, making myself right and what I witnessed wrong. I could have made the decision to close my heart’s door to the hosts of the event, brushing them off as “evil” or “ignorant.” I could have chased down friends of like mind to help me make sense of the overwhelming confusion I felt. I could have gone home and just remained sick and depressed. Instead, I brought the entire experience into my prayer. This was the first reminder I received:

Confusion is the work of the devil.

Confusion isn’t a failure on my part, or a result of me not understanding or agreeing to something. Confusion is a symptom of “the devil” (ie fear) at work. So I brought this confusion into my prayer. I sat with it. I felt it. I drew myself into it. I asked it to show me what was at the heart of this confusion.  As I sat with the confusion, I eventually saw the fear, along with what some had wrapped around themselves in an attempt to absolve themselves of this fear. FEAR imprisoned behind a mask of religious zeal, perceived certainty, righteousness, and exclusivity.

Once I identified the confusion, the fear behind it, and the bars behind which the fear was imprisoned, all the “ick” I had been feeling simply lifted from my being. I felt clear and my peace was restored, and with that my own temptation to judge was replaced with compassion. I immediately felt deeply sad for those who have become imprisoned by their fear and have forgotten the infinite Truth of Love. I then brought MYSELF into my prayer – so that I might be freed of my own temptation to judge, to divide, to proclaim a monopoly on truth, and to sit on my own throne of self-righteousness. At the end of the day, who am I to “judge” how others respond to fear. If containment gives someone peace, then who am I to project my own compulsion for unlimited freedom onto them?

Because here’s the real deal with demons – what we judge outside of ourselves is a reflection of what still needs healing within ourselves, and sometimes we can’t see it in ourselves until it is standing right in front of us. Hello mirror!

Another note about “demons.” Sometimes what we call judgment isn’t judgment at all, but is our inner truth barometer (discernment) alerting us to things around us that are not in alignment with our own truth. Perhaps this was what I was feeling at this event more than anything else – a felt sense within me of misalignment. I’m not wrong. They’re not wrong. I was simply feeling that their truth was not my truth and I can honor that. I don’t need to defend my truth. Neither do I need to point out the “error” in theirs. I can be witness to the Love that is present even (especially) when it is being lived out differently than mine. Because – at the end of the day, we are all afraid and demons exist only in our minds. We decide what power we give to them, or if instead, we hold them in Love.

For additional training in overcoming “demons”

Choosing Timelines

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As the year of the Wood Snake draws to a close and the year of the Fire Horse has not yet begun, we find ourselves within a choice point. As we have allowed all that no longer serves us to be consumed by the snake, we now reside within the emptiness of the Void between what has been and what has not yet come into being.

At this juncture we are being given the ultimate choice – will we remain on the path that is driven by perceived powers outside of us, or step off that path and onto the road of claiming our own power and authority?  Personal power, inner authority, and executive functioning are the gifts of the Fire Horse, should we choose to accept them. But first, we must get really clear on how we have given our power away to those we have considered our “authorities.”

The authorities of the past include:

  • Our perceptions about “God.”
  • Those we call “teacher.”
  • Those we have voted into power and entrusted with making decisions for us.
  • Celebrities.
  • Parents.
  • Pastors, priests, etc.
  • Employers/bosses.
  • Human Resource departments.
  • Union leaders.
  • So-called gurus.
  • Peer groups.
  • The media.
  • “Influencers.”
  • Romantic partners.
  • Our children.
  • And just to get the point across: GOD!

In one timeline, we will continue to rely on those outside of us to tell us what is true, what to do, how to act, while allowing them to make decisions for us (believing the lie they are working on our behalf). In this agreement, we are forever subject to the fearful and selfish whims of those we have put into power, and we will only and forever find ourselves powerless.

The timeline, into which the Fire Horse invites us, is that of personal power and authority. In learning how to accurately discern truth on our own, and owning that truth, we come to realize that not one human being knows more about who we are or what we need than ourselves. We are able to see through the illusion of falsehood behind which most people of “power” reside. We see that their motivations are their own and have nothing to do with our wellbeing or what we might need as an individual or a species.

For thousands of years we have lived within this dynamic of giving our power away – and look what it has gotten us…..a species on the brink of its own extinction by its own hand, and a world forever at war – not because people can’t get along, but because those we have placed in power can never get enough.

To this, we say “enough.”

Or do we?

For sixty years, I have lived this lesson, first doing what I was told and believing what I was taught because that was what made one a “good girl.” At a young age, I began to see through the cracks of this illusion and have spent the past 50+ years learning to discern my own truth by trusting what my gut tells me, above all else. Living that truth, however, has never been easy. From kindergarten on I have experienced the punishment that comes from challenging the status quo and questioning that which we are not meant to question. My gut has always proven itself to be true, but that has not made the journey any easier – I’ve lost community, so-called friends, belonging, and the ability to be “successful” within the current system and its rules.

Standing in our own authority costs us everything upon which the current system depends. I have found, however, that I can live no other way. If you found yourself drawn to this blog, I’m guessing you, also, cannot live any other way. The good news is that in the year of the Fire Horse, it will be those who choose to embrace their own inner authority and trust what their own heart tells them is truth, that will thrive. Those who remain in the path of attachment to the status quo, enslaved by external authorities will find themselves suffering in the same dumpster fire in which the world of fear, power, and control is currently heading.

Which timeline are you going to choose?

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When the Invisible becomes Visible

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Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

I have lived my entire life simply by the whisperings of faith. If it feels right, or hits me square between the eyes, I have pursued it. No questions asked. (No, that’s a lie. I’ve had lots of questions, doubts, bargaining and asking, “God, are you really sure about this?”  God has always been sure. My human self – not so much).

Faith is a strange thing because we are most often taught that faith requires effort. We’re told to “believe,” and we will be rewarded for that belief. We’re taught that “faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains,” implying that if we can’t move the mountain, we either don’t have enough faith or we’re not trying hard enough. The same is true about walking on water.

This has not been my experience of faith at all!  Instead, faith has been like a wave in the ocean that pushes me forward into a certain direction and try as I might, I cannot resist that flow. Faith has lifted me out of certain life situations and my own ill-conceived plans, and dropped me on another shore. Faith is a force I have ceased from resisting, as I have learned that there is nothing but hardship in denying ourselves the force of faith’s movement. Faith knows better what is right for us than what we could ever conceive of ourselves.

Faith is what has kept me going when I thought all was lost and there was no more hope. Faith has kept me true to my path despite my doubt and the outward appearance(s) of failure. Faith has moved me beyond western definitions of success and into a place where I (mostly) know and trust that my presence is planting some kind of seed and my efforts are producing a kind of fruit that I just don’t yet see.

Recently, I was gifted with several opportunities to see that fruit. This fruit was not what I was looking for, neither was it what I had expected. Yet, the visible appearance of this fruit filled my heart to overflowing, gave validation to my choices, and has made me profoundly grateful and humbled.

Western conditioning trains us to look for proof of our success in something big. We’re told to look for the flashing billboard and a pile of wealth. We’re instructed to believe that a teacher is measured by the number of students they have (not the number of teachers they empower).

Faith has shown me something else. Instead, of the above, what I was given to see is that the fruits of my efforts are subtle, invisible, yet deeply rooted. I was given to see that my presence and the simple effort of me just being me has had a profound impact on several people’s lives. In not one, but several conversations in the past week, I was told, in very visible terms, how my presence has impacted people’s lives.

I can only respond to the gratitude expressed by these many acquaintances/friends with my own gratitude along with a deep humility in knowing that I did not do that! Yes, I was the vessel through which they experienced my presence as gift, but it was, and has always been, God/Faith working through me. And here’s the most startling fact about this fruit – the majority of those who shared their gratitude, only two had ever set foot in my office or taken one of my classes. These were mostly people I have simply encountered in my journey of being me.

I guess we never truly know the impact we have in other people’s lives until Faith steps in to show us, making the invisible visible.

Toxic Over Responsibility

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Somewhere during the time of Eckart Tolle, a movement began of toxic over-responsibility. Due to the Western tendency to twist the sayings of wisdom teachers to conform to our achievement-oriented, overworking paradigm, we have come away with self-help practices that leave us responsible not only for our own actions, but for the actions of others. Platitudes that say things like:

  • The wound you see in another is simply a reflection of your own wound.
  • The bad behavior of another is simply a reflection of your own bad behavior.
  • If you see a fault in your brother, that fault is actually yours.
  • If you are triggered by another’s behavior or actions, it is reflecting back to you a wound in yourself in need of healing.

Where there may be some truth in these or similar statements, they are not wholly true and have cast us into the role of over-responsibility to ourselves and under-responsibility as it relates to the behavior of others. While we are busy exploring and taking responsibility for our own wounds, we are letting far too many people off the hook. 

Being accountable to our own wounds and the things that trigger them is never a bad thing. Entering fully into the practice of forgiveness (healing ourselves of the wounds caused by another’s bad behavior) is a worthwhile and liberating endeavor. But, if our journey of self-care and personal responsibility is letting the other off the hook then that is leaving us vulnerable to further harm.  Further, by focusing only on ourselves, we are allowing the other to remain in their state of arrested development.

I agree, it is not our responsibility to heal or fix others. Neither do we have control over the actions of others. We only have control over how we react to our own triggers and setting appropriate boundaries around our personal safety needs. We ARE NOT, however, responsible for the actions of others.  In other words, it is not only our unhealed wounds that cause us to be triggered by other people’s bad or irresponsible or disrespectful behavior.

What we are calling triggers, might not be triggers at all.  They might simply be our own inner compass reacting to the asshole in the room. As human beings, we are hard-wired to detect bad behavior in another. We know what is right and what is wrong. (Ok, some of us do). There is a visceral sensation that arises in our bodies when another is acting in an irresponsible, dangerous, threatening, or morally questionable way. We have the ability to detect deception, betrayal, a lack of integrity, shady or questionable behaviors. Yet, between our cultural conditioning that says to “give people the benefit of the doubt,” or “be nice,” we either disregard those feelings, or turn them inward, somehow making them our own responsibility.

The questionable, unprofessional, deceptive, behaviors of another ARE NOT OUR FAULT, neither are they our responsibility. Contrary to the toxic over-responsibility movement, the bad behaviors of another HAVE NOTHING to do with our unhealed wounds. Instead, the feelings that arise in us when faced with another’s unsavory behavior is simply our TRUTH BAROMETER calling BULLSHIT. Isn’t it long past time we start listening to that voice and stop taking responsibility for other people’s shitty behavior?

Truth Stands on Its Own

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Truth always finds its way to the light where it can be readily seen by those who have the eyes to see, bringing justice to situations where untruths otherwise prevailed.

In one case I was aware of these truths.  Although the revelations of these truths would have provided me with much vindication, I had kept silent about these truths for the sake of others who might be hurt by them.  These truths had been the cause of much pain in my own life, truths that the human part of me wanted to shout to the world as a way of “getting back” at those who had hurt me.  Instead, I chose silence, knowing and trusting that these truths would eventually find their way to the light for those who needed to know in a time that was perfect for them. 

And this is exactly what happened.  The truth came to light bringing healing and closure where neither were previously thought possible.  In addition, the way in which these truths came to light brought empowerment for those, who through their own observations had intuited these truths.  The revelation of these truths brought great validation for me in having taken the “high road” in choosing silence and trust over revenge.

It also serves as a great reminder that no matter how hard one works at disguising, denying or avoiding their truth, truth cannot be hidden for long and the deceiver will always give themselves away, if not directly then by slips of the tongue or getting caught in an outright lie.

This is the advice I offer to students and clients who are faced with similar situations of untruths – where harm has been done to them, and they want to take revenge on the “other” by telling everyone the truth.  I say, “Wait.  The truth will win out in the end.  Those that need to know will find out if and when they need to.” 

Choosing silence, trust, and a patient heart allows us to turn away from the human desire for revenge and toward forgiveness practices – those practices that free us from the resentment, hurt, sense of betrayal, anger and hatred that we might otherwise harbor against the other.  Here we are able to free ourselves of the pain of the hurt while not causing harm to another.  Choosing this path gives us freedom.

As I also advise my students and clients, “Karma is a bitch.”  While I do not believe in a punitive God, I do believe in (and the human part of me takes great comfort in) the law of cause and effect.  What you put out to the world will come back to you 100-fold.  If you (intentionally) cause harm to another, that harm will come back to you.  If you betray another, you will be betrayed.  If you are a liar, you will be deceived.  If you cheat, you will be cheated, etc. etc. etc.  There is comfort in knowing that we reap what we have sown and for those who sow deceit this is what they shall reap.  Truth, on the other hand, always wins.  Choose truth.  

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Lauri Ann Lumby, MATP, has over twenty-five years of experience as a soul-tender, educator and guide. She has supported hundreds through her one-on-one guidance, books, workshops, retreats, over thirty online courses, and online community.

Learn more about Lauri’s education and qualifications HERE.

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Featured Course: Soul School Essentials 1

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6 online lessons

Done at your own pace

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Created and Facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

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Soul School with Lauri Ann Lumby is a one-of-a-kind education platform that provides the resources and tools to support you in becoming self-actualized.

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Through Soul School Essentials 1 – Igniting the Flame, you will discover new things about yourself while being affirmed in what you may already know. You will also learn effective tools that you can apply in your everyday life for supporting the unfolding of your Soul toward the goal of enjoying the meaningful and fulfilling life of your dreams.

Soul

Soul is the uniquely creative way in which you have been gifted to find meaning and purpose in your life and the way in which you are called to find fulfillment in service to the betterment of the world. Soul is your true self – the part of you that knows your gift and your call, and is that which compels you to seek out, discover, cultivate, and nurture those gifts and their calling, thereby empowering you to share your gifts in service to the betterment of the world. -Lauri Ann Lumby

Soul School Essentials 1 Course Outline:

Lesson One: Soul’s Journey – The Map of the Soul

Lesson Two: Soul Design – Working with Jungian Archetypes

Lesson Three: Soul Purpose – Introduction to the Enneagram

Lesson Four: Soul Gifts – Discovering Your Unique Soul Gifts

Lesson Five: Soul Speak – Discernment 101

Lesson Six: Soul Success – Introduction to the Authentic Freedom Protocol for Overcoming Obstacles

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