free will

What Life Wants

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

As I am preparing to embark upon a new professional path – an opportunity that came out of nowhere and which I never would have imagined or planned for myself – I am reminded that Life tells us what it wants for and from us – not the other way around. Our choice in the matter is not about what or how we choose but is instead about how we accept what is presented or how stubbornly we resist it.

No matter how the new age and prosperity gospel folks argue otherwise, we are NOT the masters of our destiny. Our thoughts do not dictate our reality. While the Universe gives us what we need (what is in our highest good), it rarely gives us what we think we want or desire.

“Want” and “Desire” both arise out of fear and are manifestations of resistance.

Case in point, since 1994, I have placed my professional attention and energy into a very specific mission. For the learning and all the experiences I gained, I am forever grateful. During these thirty-two years, I have experienced moments of pure grace, fulfillment, and joy. I have also experienced great struggle. During this time I have known abundance, I have also known lack. I do not, however, regret a single minute of any of it because:

It was right for me at the time. Through these experiences I have learned and grown.
I also believe many have benefitted from the gifts and resources I have shared.

The time for all of this, however, seems to have come to an end. All the attempts to revive this mission and keep it alive have failed. It is time to accept that the horse is dead and soon needs to be buried (more on that later). As St. Paul once said, “I have fought the good fight…I have kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7)” 

Life, it seems, has other plans for me. It is no longer my job to save the world (hah!). Neither, it seems, am I called to be a visible voice for the Magdalene. Instead, and ironically, I’ll be serving in a capacity reflective of the degree I earned in my undergraduate studies, while using the gifts I originally set out to share when I first embarked on my professional career in 1987.  I know this path will encompass more than just this, but it sure feels like a kind of full-circle moment to me.

Only now, I’m older and wiser. I’ve had nearly forty years to hone the skills I will be using. Technologies have changed and become more collaborative. I’m a different person than I was in 1987. And I have abilities outside of the ones I will be using that will undoubtedly be called upon.

This is a new path. A new adventure. I’m excited. And terrified. But when the Universe randomly and out of nowhere puts an opportunity in your path, and you say “no” to it three times, but it still comes back, it is likely best to accept what Life is giving you and be ready for the possibility that it might be “something amazing….I guess.”

The Practical Reality of Monastic Living

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Living monastically in the modern world begins with an understanding of the practical realities of making this choice. Of course, others may have a different experience of this, but this is how it’s worked out for me (often times kicking and screaming).

Living Really Really Simply

Let’s start with the dollars and cents of it – and here I’m going to be really really transparent.  

In 2023, I made $26,000. $13,560 of that went to rent.  Out of that balance I have to pay my regular living expenses (heat, electric, phone, internet, water, groceries, car insurance, gas, renter’s insurance, health insurance,) along with the expenses related to running a business. That leaves me with very little extra. I have just enough for entertainment via a few streaming channels that I share with my children, a few simple meals out, purchasing a few books on Amazon, and that’s about it. I’m not complaining.  This is a choice I have made and my personal needs are quite low. That being said, many of the things that many Americans take for granted – vacations, new furniture, designer clothes, etc. are not available to me. Nearly everything I own is either thrifted or found deeply discounted. These are the choices I’ve made because I choose peace over the stress other choices would cause me. Not that I’ve really had a choice.

A Choice We Don’t Really Choose

Monastic living is not a choice we make. It is chosen for us – often kicking and screaming. No matter how hard we try to fit into a traditional (Institutional) model, we cannot. These models elude us – making it impossible for us to get a “real job” or live a “normal life.” Every attempt we make at creating a life that fits any sort of traditional western paradigm fails. Every time we try to pursue traditional western definitions of success (money, power, fame) we end up bloody from beating our head against the wall. Remember that story of Jesus being tempted in the desert by Satan and the temptations he is offered?  SAME!  We may be tempted with these but no matter how hard we try, we cannot have them. It’s almost like monasticism is forced upon us.  Yeah, we could go against “God,” but that never goes well does it? Instead we learn to SURRENDER to what is and let our Soul carry us.

Submission and Obedience

Talk about defying western logic!  Monastic living requires that we set aside our personal wants, desires, hopes, dreams, and ego-attachments. To fulfill this calling, we have to surrender our entire selves to some sort of creative intelligence that is not our own (that which some might call “God.”). We have to submit to the guidance of this inner force – even when we believe we aren’t receiving a single shred of guidance. And we have to obey it. What about “free will” you might ask?  I’m not sure as it relates to a monastic calling we have free will. Yes, we could defy the nature and movement of our Soul, but I’ve learned it’s not worth it. It’s so much easier to submit to this calling than to fight the “will of God” – or as one friend calls it, “Universal Intent.”

At the end of the day, living monastically in the modern world is not a choice anyone in their right mind would make – that is why to those who are free to live a regular life, we and our choices appear insane. But for us, the only way we can remain sane is to live the life of a monastic no matter how countercultural that might be.