healing ourselves

Being Love in a Divided World

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

We live in a divided world. Divided by gender, sexual orientation, race, nationality, religion, and politics – to name a few. When viewed as sacred differences that make each of us uniquely special, these differences serve us. When treated as something to be judged or feared, these divisions cause us harm, leading to prejudice, hatred, violence, and war.

Our differences are meant to be our gifts, instead humanity has turned them into the cause of hate. Hatred, however, is a choice. We can continue to choose hate, which leads to the devolution of humanity, and our eventual extinction; or we can choose Love and be witness to and participants in the grand evolution of human consciousness which would lead to all kinds of miracles – the likes of which we can hardly begin to imagine.

I choose Love.

Choosing Love, however, is no simple task. In fact, it has taken me a lifetime to even come close to being the Love that I truly want to be in the world. My version of Being Love is by no means perfect. There are people I continue to despise. There are experiences and situations that hurl me into a rage. There are times I want to say or do the unkind thing. I’m still human after all.  I don’t, however, act on the surface feelings of my unhealed wounds, neither do I purposefully cause harm. Choosing Love is a moment by moment task.

Choosing Love is also a lifetime process. This process begins by learning to identify every obstacle in front of, and within us, to love. Then we are invited to enter into the arduous task of clearing those obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles are the result of human conditioning – the ways in which we were taught to be and act in our family systems, our communities, our culture, our society, our world. Sometimes identifying our conditioning is simple and the choice to move past that conditioning is easy. Other times, it can be quite complicated as our conditioning is often subtle, even unconscious.

Beyond conditioning, the obstacles to love are all the places within us where we have been wounded. These wounds include times were felt betrayed, where our needs were ignored or denied, where we were criticized or condemned for who we are, where we felt unloved or were treated in non-loving ways. These wounds include past abuse, rejection, and times our love was met with hate. These unhealed wounds are, in turn, the cause of our own non-loving behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs.

Division is a choice.  So too is Love. Choosing Love begins by choosing Love for ourselves, and doing to the deep and challenging work of healing the inner obstacles to knowing and being that Love. As we transform ourselves, we are more free to be Love and being that Love plants the seeds of inspiration for others to do the same. When we are faced with Division, Choose Love. When challenged by hate, choose Love. When our unhealed wounds are triggered by the unhealed wounds of another, choose the loving thing and heal our wounds.

As our world appears to be increasingly divided, we can choose to participate in that division, or we can choose to Be Love.

I choose Love.

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This is Our Fate

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

For the past five days I have been trying to put into words the collective horror over last Thursday’s presidential debate. First, I had to be present to my body as it processed the empathic reaction to collective trauma – manifesting in my body as vertigo, headaches, and deep profound fatigue. Panic also paid me a visit. Then I had to navigate the tangled forest of illusions and projections, pulling back from my own temptation to point fingers, name-call, and cast blame. Finally, I had to pull away the veil of distractions that wanted to draw me into political analysis. Only after all of this was I able to arrive at what is truly happening at the root of the hatred, chaos, and separation we are witnessing from outside ourselves so that my words might help support us with a way forward, and if not a way forward – at least a way through.

To put it simply, the presidential debate and our reactions to it have nothing to do with Donald Trump, Joe Biden, or the future of our nation. Instead, the debate and the presidential election is simply a reflection of America’s fate and by association, the fate of all of humanity. In other words, in perfect clarity, the debate showed us that unless we, as a collective, make some clear and drastic changes, we are wholly and completely f*cked!

We are f*cked, not because of who might be president, but because of all the fear, separation, selfishness, greed, bigotry, and hatred that has brought us to this place – all of which is self-created. We have done this to ourselves. Out of our own unacknowledged fears and unhealed trauma, we have created separation where separation need not exist. We have privileged ourselves over others. We have taken more than we needed while depriving others of the very things they need to survive. We have cast dispersions on our fellow-humans simply because we perceive them to be different. We have created hatred of others based on skin color, gender, sexual orientation, race, nationality, religion, body shape and size, and every other way we have chosen to discriminate against others. We have destroyed our environment for the sake of greed. We judge others for their education or lack thereof. We despise others simply out of jealousy. We want what we don’t have and despise what we do. We take from others. We kill to get what we want. We wage war on other nations, or even within our own nation, simply because we want what we perceive others to have. We destroy entire races of people simply because we can.

Humanity has done a really shitty job of being human. Now, it seems, we’re getting what we deserve. Everything we despise in “the other” is a reflection of what is unhealed within ourselves and the Universe will continue to bring this hatred and separation before us until we figure our shit out. At one time it was hatred toward the Jews. Then it was hatred toward Muslims. Then it was hatred of Arabs. Then it was hatred of blacks. Then it was hatred of Mexicans. Then it was hatred toward the poor. Then it was hatred toward women. Then it was hatred toward homosexuals. Then it was hatred toward transgendered humans. Then it was hatred toward Republicans. Then it was hatred toward Democrats. Then it was hatred toward conservatives. Then it was hatred toward liberals.

“Fear. Separation. Hate.  Fear. Separation. Hate.”  This is the mantra humanity seems to live by. Until we heal this fear and its resulting separation, we will never truly be free, and we will never know the peace and safety we all desperately long for. To heal this fear, separation, and hatred, we have to turn our gaze inward and away from all the projected blame outside of us. We have to stop blaming and fearing others and look deeply at ourselves. We have to learn to sit with our fears and be present to our discomfort. We have to be courageously honest with ourselves – our own hatreds – and examine their cause. In what ways have we suffered disappointment and pain? How have we been the recipient of another’s unhealed wounds? In what ways have we forgotten that we are Love? Then we have to get really intimate with these wounds (seeking help and support where needed) within ourselves and in doing so, allowing them to find healing. Only in doing the deep work of healing ourselves and encouraging and supporting others in doing the same can we ever hope to experience peace in our world. Until that time, we will continue to suffer the consequences of our own unhealed wounds.

This is our fate. We have done this to ourselves. Collectively we have the power to undo it, but we may be running out of time. As such it is urgent that we stop projecting blame outward and start taking a look at ourselves. This alone is where our power resides – not in any of the distractions outside of us which are simply reminders of the inner work we still have left to do. Yes, we have the power to change our world, but first it starts with ourselves.

The Journey of Healing Ourselves

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