love

Deepening

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

It is said that the Magdalene spent her final years in prayer. So too, then, shall I.

It is time. Not for escape, or retreat, but for deepening. Entering into the heart of the world where the cause of all division lies. Pulling away from the noise of external symptoms (ie distractions) and focusing instead on what lies beneath.  Daring to resist the temptation of believing change is affected by what we do and how we show up “out-there.”

Instead, understanding that the source of unrest is not in human behavior, but arises out of our wounds.

It is true – we are broken. But not in the way religions have told us. Not because we have done anything wrong – but because of what has been done to us. By our conditioning. Through our upbringing. In the simple choice of being human.

Suffering is the natural consequence of the human experiment.

But to this we are not condemned. Source is forever calling us back to our original nature as Love and revealing to us the way.

If only we would accept this gift – or rather, not run from it as soon as the going gets tough. As every teacher has shown us, the way to Love is hard – but it is the only way to truly be free in this life.

Love is our mission and our purpose. For humanity, there is literally nothing else.

So into Love I go, not for my own sake, but for the sake of humanity. Diving deep into humanity’s darkest “sins” in search of the wounds beneath the behaviors that are seeking to be healed. Diving deep with the soul of an exorcist, holding humanity in its pain, witnessing to their shattered natures, giving voice to what dare not be spoken, and bathing it all in Love.

It is to this that my Soul is calling me.

If individuals seek me out, so be it. I welcome them. I do not, however, promise ease. The way is hard and to say otherwise would be a lie. Pride works hard to imprison us in our deepest wounds by defending our delusions. Love is not like this. Love seeks only to bring all our pain into our awareness so that it may be seen, transformed, and released.

Love is not a journey for the faint of heart, or for those comfortable in their status quo. Neither is it a journey for the “rich” – unless they are willing to loosen the grip on what they cling to so dearly.

  • Love is simple.
  • Love is kind.
  • Love is generous.
  • Love is quiet and unobtrusive.
  • Love is gentle in its effect, but relentless in its cause.

So into the depths I go because it is not what we do “out there” that matters. Instead, it is all about what we are doing within. As one of humanity’s greatest teachers taught us, “The freedom (Truth, Love,) we seek can only be found within.”

Interdimensional Revolutionary

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Just staying with the inspiration and process to see where it leads (if anywhere).

Interdimensional:
Working across dimensions supporting humanity’s evolution from division to Love.

Revolutionary:
Envisioning and promoting a radical change in status quo, helping to bring forth an entirely differed paradigm for human existence and interaction –
o In harmony with nature.
o Collaborative and cooperative.
o Rooted in Love.
o Celebrating diversity.

Universal:
Inclusive of all species across all of creation within the known and unknown universe.

Love:
o The creating and guiding Force of the Universe.
o The Source from whence all has come into being and to which all will return.
o Known in the human experience as: unconditional positive regard, care, compassion, kindness, deep listening, and mercy.

Activist:
o Shining a light on disparity and injustice.
o Offering effective, simple solutions.
o Inspiring, equipping, and empowering others.
o Activating and unblocking the flow of Love through healing practices, prayer, and community engagement.

We are at a place in our shared human evolution where together we are ushering in a whole, new world.

Sexualizing the Magdalene

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

In short – DON’T!

I just finished reading a book that was recently recommended to me about Mary Magdalene. I will start by saying it was a good recommendation. There were parts of the book that resonated with me on some level. At the same time, there were portions of the narrative that DID NOT resonate with me at all.  In fact, I found them disturbing and unsettling. They triggered rage in me. Rage over the following question:

Why do some authors find it necessary to sexualize the Magdalene to tell her story? 

I admit, my NOVEL, Song of the Beloved – the Gospel According to Mary Magdalene included an experience of sexual assault, and an experience between Jesus and Mary Magdalene in their marriage bed was hinted at, but in my mind, there is a difference between including the realities of the human journey (ie: 1 out of 4 women have experienced sexual assault) and describing the source of the Magdalene’s power as dependent on her beauty and what is and what is done between her legs. Perhaps this is all about my Venus in Capricorn, but I find the sexualizing of the Magdalene insulting and gross.

Can sexual intimacy be a beautiful, even transcendent spiritual experience through which one might encounter “God?”  Absolutely. Is it a necessary, even required component in one’s spiritual awakening and personal empowerment? History tells us no. Is it possible that Mary Magdalene and Jesus, in addition to being emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically intimate, experienced sexual intimacy – absolutely. Whereas there exists no scholarly evidence to support that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married (or had children), this too is not beyond possibility.

With none of this do I take issue. I do, however, take issue with authors who use sex to sell their Magdalene stories.  First, it’s lazy. Then I find myself offended. I find myself especially disgusted when authors choose to describe both sexual assault and “spiritual initiation” in unnecessarily explicit detail – and then try to pass it off as truth.

In sexualizing the Magdalene, these authors are no better than early Church leaders (specifically Pope Gregory I (540-604 C.E.)), who claimed the Magdalene to be the sinful woman mentioned in the gospels, a claim that has no foundation in scripture, but is still the common belief today.

Despite the efforts of scholars and laypeople alike, the Magdalene continues to be judged as less-than, when in fact, she was a woman of power, near-equal (if not equal) to Jesus. Moreover, as was the case with Pope Gregory, it is her sexuality by which she has been judged. Modern authors have continued this trend by attempting to sanctify women’s sexuality by suggesting it is the source of her power. This is both an insult and an assault against both women and men. Our personal power has nothing to do with sex.

To further describe the so-called hiero-gamos as a necessary step in human enlightenment reduces human beings to simply sexual creatures. To say it is by manual or coital manipulation that one becomes awakened is a corruption of the purpose of both sexual intimacy and the human journey of self-realization. To say that either Mary Magdalene or Jesus reached the height of their awakening solely through sexual rituals diminishes the inherent power of both. To remove sexual intimacy from love, insults the very mission that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were trying to accomplish.

The Source of Mary Magdalene’s power (and Jesus’ for that matter) had nothing to do with her appearance, her desirability to men, or with her sexual nature. The Source of Mary Magdalene’s power was within – in the Love that she had come to know as herself, and the Love she was in the world. This Being Love is the message and purpose of the Magdalene. To suggest anything else is to have missed the whole entire point.  

Teachings of the Magdalene

Everything is a Practice

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Finding our way along the journey of self-actualization and personal mastery, we eventually come to the realization that everything is a practice. Whereas the early stages of our journey may have put us on the path to setting time aside each day for a dedicated mindfulness, contemplation, or meditation practice, we soon come to find out that our dedicated practice begins to spill out into the everyday experiences of our lives. Soon, everything becomes grist for the mill as we work to heal all within us that separates us from our original nature as love, while continuing to love the pieces that are not yet healed.

For me, this “everything practice” showed up in one extremely subtle and another powerfully obvious way.

I’ll begin with the extremely subtle:  I’ve been noticing in my daily practice an almost undetectable sorrow. It showed itself as a sorrow I could not initially name, but felt very deep and infinitely small. When I reached toward this sorrow, I perceived it as a tiny dot, no bigger than the end of a pencil. As it my practice, I’ve spent this week “working” on that dot of sorrow. Going toward it (instead of away). Pointing to it and “sending” healing. Holding the sorrow and asking what it had to say to me or teach me. The goal of this practice is to simply show up to that sorrow. In my experience, the fruits of this kind of practice eventually lead to healing and release, or alternatively, the revelation of something hiding behind the sorrow that seeks to be known. I’m still working on this piece, but I have gotten a glimpse of the original wound of separation that is just beyond this sorrow. That glimpse nearly gave me a panic attack, but I know that the only way to continue healing that wound is to stay with it.

The powerfully obvious way that everything presented itself as practice arose in a fit of rage. Without boring you with the gory details, suffice it to say that the rage was in the form of ranting resentment over a need for which I had requested support. The support was denied. To be honest, as I write this, I’m still pissed. First – because I rarely ask for help. Second because I should have known better.

What I do know, however, is that beyond the ranting and raving (which are appropriate inner responses to our needs not being met) is an old wound showing itself for another layer of healing – the wound of unmet needs. This is a pretty universal wound in that most people can share stories, experiences, conditioning, etc. in which their needs have gone unmet, or been flat-out rejected. Every time we have the courage to ask for help, and it is denied, a part of us feels like it has died. Heap up a lifetime of rejected and unmet needs, and the wound becomes a gaping hole. For myself personally, this is a wound I’ve given much time and attention to in the form of transformational practices. And, just like most everyone else, it’s a wound that still needs love. First, we have to work on healing the wound of rejection. Next, we tackle the wound of unmet needs. Finally, we do the work of meeting our own needs while setting appropriate boundaries around those who, due due to their own unhealed wounds (likely), are unable to be a reciprocal source of support for others.

From the very subtle to the greatest of charged emotions, everything is our self asking to be seen, known, and loved. This love, ultimately, is what our practice is all about.

When Your Demons Come Home to Roost

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Letters from Hell #6

Today is a bad day. This has been a difficult weekend. For no (every) reason whatsoever, I have been feeling profoundly sad bordering on depressed. This is a stuck kind of sorrow compounded by a prescription antidepressant that makes it really difficult for me to cry. I feel like I’ve got a 20 ton boulder sitting on my chest, just behind my sternum.

Usually, I know what to do with this kind of sorrow.  I sit with it. I allow myself to feel it. I apply Tonglen or Ho’oponopono to it. This time, neither seem to be budging the load.

I allowed myself a weekend of self-care. I planned for nothing and allowed myself to simply rest. I didn’t much have a choice as I’ve also been feeling the consequences of autumn allergies. To put it bluntly I feel like SH*T. I don’t do well when I’m sick. I tend to fall into judgment, self-loathing, and self-flagellation at the hands of my inner critic who looks an awful lot like the “Shame nun” from Game of Thrones. “Shame.  Shame.  Shame.”

I’m not good at being vulnerable. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t want to invite anyone into my vulnerability. There is really nothing anyone can say that will make it better when I’m feeling this way. I know I just need to wait it out.

This morning I wrote in my journal.  These are the words that surfaced:

Taking this moment to pause. Suffering fall allergies and the pure exhaustion of a forced life. How much have I forced my self to be and do ____________ instead of just being myself. I’m tired. I feel stuck, but I’m not sure I really care. I’ve worn out my dreams.

I’ve worn out my dreams.

My dreams of a forever love.

Dreams of becoming a successful writer.

Fantasies of becoming a sought-after teacher.

Herein lies at least one face of this deep sorrow. I’m grieving. I’m grieving the failure of the goals, wishes, and dreams I had for my life and which I pursued with a vengeance. No one can say that I didn’t try (though I know some who will tell me I didn’t try hard enough or in the right way – to them I say, whatever).

Life doesn’t always give us what we want. And when we don’t get what we want, we can be like Sisyphus vainly attempting to roll the boulder up the mountain, killing ourselves in the process, or step aside, letting gravity take the boulder to where it naturally wants to go.

At some point in our lives, we are all faced with a crowd of our unrealized dreams. We can cling to or try to revive these dreams, or we can surrender to the fact that maybe these dreams were never meant to be fulfilled and/or that the journey was the point, and not the destination.

It still makes me mad. I know what my gifts are and on some days it just kills me to know that they are not being utilized.

I grieve this as well.

As the Rolling Stones once said, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you’ll find, you get what you need.” (Hmmm….that might be bullshit too….unless they’re including getting what we need only by the skin of our teeth.)

Being human is hard. Today is one of those days where it feels especially hard. I don’t like feeling sad or vulnerable. I don’t appreciate the demons of self-doubt, personal loathing, or shame that dance around in my head when I’m feeling this way. I also know better than to try to “change my thoughts” (toxic positivity) in an attempt to make the demons go away.

Instead, I sit with the demons. I call each of them forward. And I do my best to LOVE them. Each of them arose out of some kind of need – whether it be the need to belong, the need to believe the lies of perceived authority, or to keep me in compliance with the system, they came as some kind of support. Additionally, they show up to remind me of the deep pain I’m still carrying from trauma I’ve experienced in my life, along with an invitation to tend to yet another deeper layer of that pain that is now ready to be seen, felt, processed and released.

As is always true of the spiritual journey – wash, rinse repeat. So back to the demons I go to hear what they have to offer me in the way of healing this time.

Thank you sirs, may I have another.

Letters from Hell #1

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Beloved Friends,

I saw a meme yesterday that read:

What if in 2020 we all died and this is hell?

These are the first words that have made any sense of the world in which we are currently living, because beyond all that we see on the surface of things, it sure feels like hell.

For me, my heart is broken over all of it – but mostly over the violent division that seems to currently define our nation, if not the world. It seems everywhere I look the finger of blame is being pointed in the opposite direction from where it should be pointed – away instead of toward, because…..

This hell in which we are living, is one of our own making.

When humanity makes gods of men, looking outside of ourselves for guidance, authority, leadership and direction, this is what we get. A bunch of unqualified, overly loud individuals getting rich off our willingness to give them our power.

In this current version of hell, censorship is king. If the “Emperor” doesn’t like what you say about him, then through money and power, you are silenced. Or, if the Emperor is in need of a martyr, one will be created.

All of this to feed the beast of division. Those in power believing that in dividing the nation, they will gain more power. Strangely, it seems their tactics are working as the powerful few gain increasing wealth as the world falls around their feet. What will be left when they are done? A world of ash where beauty once stood? No wonder they’re looking for a way to settle on Mars.

Many of us have known this was coming, but nothing could have prepared us for how truly awful it really is. The long, slow, excruciatingly painful death of the world built on fear, power, and control. Daily, I plead with the universe, DIE ALREADY!

I’m exhausted for the end of things, hoping that when this is all over (will it ever be over?) humanity will find a way to live in peace. But for the love of God, how long is this going to take?

Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.  I’m not sure how much more any of us can take. We seem to be suffering from a collective sort of PTSD and recent events have only made it worse (thank you Justine Joslyn for this reminder!). 

I know my PTSD is triggered. I feel vulnerable, raw, and highly emotional. My head hurts. I feel the physical effects of cortisol raging through my body producing flu-like symptoms. My heart hurts. I am finding it hard to breathe. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Yesterday, it was all I could do to sit on my couch and pray.

And when I’m at work, I feel broken and flawed. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong and that everything I’m doing is a mistake. I feel unqualified for a job for which I am, in truth, overqualified. I feel ashamed in my imperfection.

This is not me. At least, this isn’t normal me. This is me under panic and in a heightened state of activation. I am finding it hard to focus. I am doomscrolling for something – anything to make me feel safe.  I know better than this – but I can’t help myself.

I feel desperate – desperate for a moment to breathe, a moment to feel safe, a moment of peace in which the world isn’t suddenly exploding with some new tragic or devastating news. I hate it here.

But just when I’m ready to completely give up on humanity, wishing and hoping for this all to be over, I am reminded by the wisdom of youth, in this case my daughter. Yesterday I texted her, “The world just needs to end already.” This was her heart-wrenching, wise response:

“I want the world to get better. There’s still stuff I wanna do.”

UGH!  Knife to the heart! A knife to my heart that broke me wide open. In her wise words, my daughter spoke what we all want:

We want the world to be better. We want it to be better for ourselves, but even more so, for our children and our children’s children. For these, we must hang on to hope – cling to it even. With these words, I will leave you with this:

With the deepest love,

Lauri

Being Soft

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

For my entire life, I have been hard. I have worked hard. In school, I studied hard. I have been hard on myself by creating high expectations of myself. I have been hard on others by projecting the expectations I have for myself on them. I have tended to a strict moral code. I have been a master of discipline, persistence, tenacity, and work ethic. I hold myself to the highest of integrity – while expecting others to do the same. I have been hard on my physical, emotional, and mental self by forcing my body into my own dysmorphic idea of “perfect weight and size,” by stuffing my emotions (don’t let them see you cry), by covering deep hurt with rage and unmet needs with resentment. I love deeply, but when wronged, the ax falls. Because of life’s many heartbreaks and betrayals, I have built a shield of armor around me in an effort to keep myself safe.

All this hardness has given me the illusion of being safe and made me feel like I was meeting society’s expectations of achievement.

We are conditioned, after all, that we are only valued based on what we achieve.

Straight A students are lauded by parents, teachers and other authority figures (while being despised by their fellow students for being a smarty pants and a showoff). Valedictorians get into good schools and receive scholarships. Those who earn a doctoral degree secure positions of prestige at universities. Skinny girls are more loved and popular than those with curves.

Right!?

WRONG!

If there is anything that life has taught me, it is this:

Our value has absolutely nothing to do with how we look, what we do, or what we have achieved. Instead, our value is intrinsic in our very being.

As the prophet Isaiah quoted Source as saying:

You are precious and glorious in my sight, and I love you. (Isaiah 43: 4)

As I have increasingly come to understand this and have done the work of healing the wounds within me that have then allowed the Love within me to be more fully known, what has been hard in me has become more soft. I no longer seek after a size 6 body (menopause took care of ever thinking that would once again be a possibility). Instead, I’m working on accepting a curvaceous post-menopausal form. I’m no longer seeking after achievement, recognition, or fame. Instead, I’ve learned to embrace the gift of invisibility along with the precious few who can actually see me. I’ve come to understand that my work in the world is mostly done on invisible planes and what is done in this world, is meant for a rare and precious few. I’m still disciplined as I find I do better with a structure of some sort in place, but I’m also more flexible with my time and can even embrace DOING NOTHING (gasp!). I’m more forgiving of myself and of others (though the betrayal rule remains in place – betray me or take advantage of my generosity and I reserve the right to sever that connection). My heart is wide but fragile. I reserve the right to protect it as I see fit.

Being soft is also a mindset. Instead of walking like an elephant through the world, can I move more gently? Instead of always hurrying, can I begin to slow down? Instead of punishing myself with all of my conditioned shoulds (I should be able to drive when and where I want. I should go outside. I should take a walk. I should…..), can I be more kind in my expectations of self and allow myself to simply be?

After a life of being hard, I think it’s time I embrace being soft.

Shining a Light on Reality

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 4 Comments

This past Thursday morning, I was gifted with a dream that felt more like a lesson or an attunement than merely a dream. In this dream, I was visited by other-worldly beings (aliens? angels? Who knows!?). I was together with a group of spiritual companions, and a light was being shined upon us, that light reached out to enfold a multitude of human beings – too many to count. As the light was shining upon us, I heard, “These are the people who are opened to and have made a commitment to being and living as the fullness of Love.” I then saw the light shining on a second multitude of humans. As the second multitude was engulfed in this light, I heard, “These are the people who can yet be awakened by Love.” Finally, the light shined on a third group. About this group I heard, “These are those who are unwilling to be opened by Love.” Finally, the other worldly beings spoke these words: “This is how it has been. This is as it shall be. This is how it is.”

It has taken me several days to process (I’m still processing) what took place in that dream and to notice the effect the light and the words had upon me. As the days have unfolded, I have felt an opening and a softening in me of the hopes I have held out for humanity. More pointedly, this dream has made me keenly aware of my tendency to judge and the disappointment and sense of deep sorrow I feel when coming face to face with humans who are unwilling to know Love.

All my life I have found myself heartbroken when individuals, or the collective, demonstrate bigotry, cruelty and/or violence toward another human. Why would anyone choose cruelty? Why aren’t people eager to know and practice Love? For what reason would one turn away from the deep healing that occurs as we open ourselves more and more fully to Love?

By Love, I’m not talking about romantic love, parental love, or even collegial love. Instead, I’m speaking of the “Love that surpasses all understanding” (Eph 3:19). The Love that is our Source (what some might call God). The Love that makes up all the Universe. The Love that is our true and original nature. This is the Love that dwells within us always and to which we can turn as we seek healing of separation and for all the traumas and wounds we have experienced in our life. Love provides us with an opportunity to more and more fully embody our truest self. Refusing that Love keeps us imprisoned by the tragedies of life and the conditioning that causes us to remain in shame.

In my own life, I have experienced the transformational power of this Love. Love has helped me to release resentment. Love has helped me soften my judgment and grow in compassion. Love has supported me in peeling away sixty years of conditioning, trauma, and woundedness, to find an even deeper Love waiting to be known. Further, Love has helped me to be forgiving and compassionate toward myself for all the times I am imperfect in Love.

Because of the benefits I have experienced from Love, I believed that everyone would want to know that kind of Love. I have spent a lifetime trying to be that Love while providing opportunities for others to do the same. In this work, I have experienced receptivity, suspicion, and flat-out refusal. Until this dream, I found myself perplexed by this refusal. Why would anyone refuse the opportunity to know and live from Love? The reality, as the dream reminded me, is that many do not want to or are unable to be open to the healing power of Love. Proof of this reality is in the millions of examples we are given each day of human beings choosing gluttony over temperance, lust for power over fortitude, wrath over mercy, envy over love, greed over generosity, sloth over knowledge, and pride over humility. Since time immemorial, there have been human beings who have refused Love, and in doing so, have refused themselves.

It is what it is. There is nothing I/we can do to change this. There are humans already doing the work of Love. There are humans open to being awakened by Love. And there are those, no matter what we do, who will flat out refuse it.

Today, I am working on acceptance of this reality. In each moment that I consciously acknowledge this truth, I find myself freer to focus my energy and attention on those open to Love, and less on the disappointment I feel when that Love is refused. Acceptance of this truth also presents me with a question – how am I choosing to be Love – especially toward those who outright refuse and in this refusal continue to act in cruel and hateful ways?

Growing in Love is a life-long journey!

The Choosing

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

“Decide today who you will serve.”

The words above are from the Book of Joshua in the Hebrew scriptures and perfectly describe where we find ourselves at this point in our human evolution as we are being given an opportunity to choose:

  • Who or what do you serve?
  • Who or what do you follow?
  • Who or what do you worship?
  • Who or what do you seek to obtain or acquire?
  • Who or what do you believe in?
  • Where do you put your time, energy or attention?
  • What or who do you give your energy to?
  • How are you using this one precious life you’ve been given?

To me, there is only one appropriate response to these questions, the answer being Love (that which some might call God). When we choose to serve the cause of Love, when we follow Love to its source, when we hold Love above all else, when we seek to know Love more fully, when we believe in the power of Love, when we focus our time, energy, and attention on knowing and being Love, when we give ourselves over to being Love, and if Love is the goal and intention of our lives, then we find ourselves authentically free – meaning peaceful, joyful, and content.

When we choose anything other than Love, we are doomed to be imprisoned by our fears, our conditioning, and our limiting beliefs. Then, we become vulnerable to the manipulations of those who seek to benefit from our fears.

The world in which we are currently living is ruled by those who seek to benefit from our fears: Corporations. Politicians. Governments. Religious authorities. The Media. Conspiracy Theorists. Propaganda creators. – just to name a few. The world is rife with those who understand that fear is an easier choice than Love and who use those fears to control us by getting us to do what they want us to do for their benefit and our detriment. The wholesale destruction of Gaza, for example, is the result of a nation capitalizing on the fear they have created and the individuals around the world who financially benefit from a nation always at war. An example closer to home are the snake-oil salespeople who are happy to take advantage of those suffering with a tragic, difficult, or terminal diagnosis by making false promises of a cure.

What the world doesn’t know is that choosing fear is easier only because it’s all we’ve been conditioned to do. From the time we are conceived, fear is the primary message and tool of control. It doesn’t, however, have to be this way. Neither are we doomed to remain in fear. Breaking away from fear begins with a choice – a choice that we are invited to make every single moment of every single day. This choice begins with a simple question:

In this experience, am I choosing fear or Love?

Let me provide some simple examples:

When you are watching TV and an ad comes on for the latest “weight loss cure,” will you allow the ad to trigger your body judgement and be tempted, or even decide to purchase that product or will you see the ad for what it is – a corporation trying to make you feel bad about yourself so you will buy their product – so you can then decide to choose self-Love over fear?

When crazy sh*t is happening at the White House, do you get sucked into anxiety, fear, and the temptation to enter the spiral of doom, or do you take a breath, see it for what it is (something purposefully trying to trigger your fear), and then let it go with Love?

When a political party (or individual) uses the media to try to set apart a specific ethnic group as “the enemy,” do you buy into the fear or do you understand that in Love, there are no enemies – only those seeking to benefit from a world divided.

Choosing Love requires intention, dedication, discipline, and persistence. Choosing Love takes practice – and is a practice. Choosing Love is at once a choice and an unchoosing as we retrain ourselves from the fear we’ve been conditioned to choose to the Love that is our truest and most original nature. Only in choosing Love will we ever know peace and it is only in more choosing Love over fear that the world will ever know peace.

What are you choosing?

Choosing Love is a practice. All of the resources I provide support you in learning how to choose Love and how to unchoose fear.

Learn more here.

Honing Our Witness Practice

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

Being an objective witness to the natural unfolding of the universe without interjecting our own need to control, our unhealed wounds, or our desperate desire to feel safe, is a really difficult task. If we have the ability to read people, events and choices for the likely outcome they will produce, it makes being witness even more challenging.

As one who has almost always been right (I admit a shred of pride in sharing this, but mostly it is a statement of historical fact), it physically hurts me to watch people I care about stepping in a direction that I know will likely cause them harm. Further, it enrages me when I watch liars and charlatans taking advantage of the weak and vulnerable and gaining wealth and notoriety while doing so. As a first-born who developed the defense mechanisms of fixer and protector, I want with my whole soul to intervene. Intervention, I have learned, rarely helps and most often harms. (The exception being life-choices that may be life-threatening.)

Being an objective witness requires that we lay our need to control aside, allowing individuals to make their own choices – no matter how poor those choices might be. The savior in me cringes in even writing this, but it is true. What I am continually reminded of is that each of us is on our own individual journey and who we choose to be and how we choose to follow our path is really nobody else’s business but our own. We are here to learn our own lessons – or not learn them as the case may be.

Instead of reaching out in warning, putting forth a challenge, or getting emotionally worked up over human beings’ choices, we are invited to stand back. Watch. Observe. For me, this includes the additional practice of silencing my inner critic who stands in judgment with arms crossed in self-righteousness.  Further, I find I am invited to acknowledge the strong outward pull of my unhealed wounds of fixer and protector, and draw that pull inward, reminding myself that it is not my job to fix or protect others from their potentially harmful decisions. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands, bite my tongue, and close my eyes, my whole body shaking in effort as I wrestle that former impulse to intervene into stillness.

Being objective witness is not easy, but as my Zen friends would say, “We are all here in our own sit.” It is not my job to interfere with the life-journey of another. The best I can do is use what I see as seeds for my own healing and growth, while giving others the freedom to experience the consequences of their choices and the opportunities for learning that come in those choices. Further, I can share the lessons I’ve learned and the tools I’ve gathered in the event that some might find them helpful.

How are you honing your witness practice?

Being objective witness begins with our own journey of self-awareness and healing. The Authentic Freedom protocol developed by Lauri Ann Lumby is a great place to get started with that healing.

Learn more about Authentic Freedom here and how you can begin that journey.