Meditation

How Are We to Pray?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Once upon a time there was a kind and gentle Middle Eastern man who came to know the breadth and depth of love and the peace that reigned there. He then sought to help his friends know love and peace in the same way. His method was simple:

“Whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret … When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. (MT 6: 6-8)”

His philosophy was true:

“The kingdom of God is not coming with things that can be observed; nor will they say, ‘Look, here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’ For, in fact, the kingdom of God is within and among you. (LK 17: 20-21)”

Prayer, as he understood it, was simply a path to inner peace through which one might remember their original nature as One within themselves, with each other, with God and with all of creation. Prayer, in this way, was sufficient unto itself and all that one needed to access the kingdom so many others had said had to be earned through the fulfillment of the law. This kingdom is already within us and part of our original nature. This man simply sought to help us remember.

This remembering, however, threatened the institutions that ruled over his lands – both the religious and political. Those who gained power through threats and intimidation and who favored a God whose love had to be earned and which could be taken away. These institutions had set themselves up as the intermediaries between human beings and God/Love, growing wealthy over the sacrifices they required of the people so they might earn their way into the kingdom of Love. The idea that the kingdom was already within people, meant no intermediary was necessary, no sacrifice expected and there was no infringement of the law that could separate the people from God’s Love. The institutions killed the man for teaching the way of Love.

The Love could not be destroyed, but where one institution was destroyed, another rose up in its place.  Soon the world was filled with outside perceived authorities who claimed to know the way of this gentle Middle Eastern man.  These institutions set forth doctrine and dogma, rooted not in Love, but in Fear. Then they created rituals, rules, and formulas for what they called prayer – all required to earn God’s Love and to find their way into God’s kingdom. Further, they set prayer as a bargaining tool, suggesting that if one prayed hard enough, and in the required way, using the proper formulas set forth by the institution, then God might be convinced to interceded on their behalf – bringing them riches, fame, wealth, power, and might even be convinced to interfere with the freewill or fate of another. If they prayed in the right way, God might heal them of sickness, raise them from the dead, or rescue them from the brink that they had chosen for themselves.

You see, it served these institutions to paint God in this light. Defying their own scripture which clearly proclaims:

 “I desire mercy, not sacrifice. (MT 9:13, Hos 6:6)”

these institutions created their own god, one who was made in man’s image: fickle, jealous, wrathful, vengeful, punitive, judgmental, one whose love had to be earned and whose love could be taken away. In their desire for power and wealth, they forgot what the kind and gentle man taught of the unconditional Love that is God. They forgot the words of the teacher who taught people how to remember the peace of that Love and that there was nothing they need do to earn that Love, that it could never be taken away and that there was never anything to ask of that Love for Love is the very nature of who we are, and when we become anxious and afraid, we need only turn within, close the door, and remember that Love in prayer.  

Breathe

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Breathe deep and exhale.

Breathe as you’ve never breathed before.

Breathe into your soul’s longing

and

let

it

go.

Breathe into your worries and

set

them

free.

Breathe into your shattered and broken heart

that

it

may

find

comfort.

Breathe into your mind that

it

may

find

ease.

Breathe into this moment and receive it –

with open arms free of judgment

and the temptation to define.

Breathe all the way to the

soles

of

your

feet

That roots might sprout deeply into the earth

anchoring you in quietude and peace.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

A Day in the Life

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Yesterday, while working with a client, the topic of monastic living came up. One question that emerged in the conversation was “What does living monastically look like?”  It’s a practical question – and the answer is “it depends.” I can only speak for myself, but in conversations with other friends who have embraced a similar calling/lifestyle, I imagine the answers are somewhat similar. But first, we have to define the question.

The question “what does monastic living look like,” is really a question that means “what do you do all day?”  As we live in an action-oriented world where our perceived value is defined by what we do, this is the most frequent inquiry about monastic living. Again, the answer is “it depends.” On some days there is a lot of doing. On other days, there is little to no doing. Let me give you an example from this very week.

Monday of this week was a day defined by doing. My day looked somewhat like this:

6am wake up.

6-7 am meditation practice

7-8 am check emails, finish some work tasks.

8- 8:20am get ready for yoga class

8:20 leave for yoga.

8:45 – 9:45 yoga class

10 am – shower, etc.

11am lunch

1130 am – 7pm work. Strapped to my computer doing office manager tasks for the ballet studio I work for with a dinner break squeezed in.

7-9 pm – enjoyment.  Reading. Sitting in quiet. Watching TV.

9pm. Bed

Monday was a day of a lot of doing. Tuesday, in contrast, what an entire day of NOTHING. I did my normal morning routine (minus the yoga). I put in a couple hours of admin work. I had brunch with my son. I took a nap. I read a little.  I sat in silence. I may have watched a bit of TV.  But, essentially nothing. After all the energy output on Monday, I didn’t have anything to put into Tuesday, so I didn’t.

Then Wednesday came and it was a busy day with clients, admin work, and then more nothing.

In my experience, monastic living is less about what we do and how we be. For me, the center of it all is my daily practice, and the rest unfolds from there. On some days I have things planned/scheduled, but beyond that, I take each day as it shows up with the energy that I have available to me in that moment. As a recovering compulsive planner and over-doer, my life is now more about allowing what needs to present itself to present, and then stepping into what is asked of me. When nothing is presenting, I remain with the no-thing, not pushing or forcing some sort of doing (aka productivity) out of the no-thing. Much of monastic living is about learning to live in this now moment and allowing ease. The rest seems to take care of itself.

The Practical Reality of Monastic Living

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Living monastically in the modern world begins with an understanding of the practical realities of making this choice. Of course, others may have a different experience of this, but this is how it’s worked out for me (often times kicking and screaming).

Living Really Really Simply

Let’s start with the dollars and cents of it – and here I’m going to be really really transparent.  

In 2023, I made $26,000. $13,560 of that went to rent.  Out of that balance I have to pay my regular living expenses (heat, electric, phone, internet, water, groceries, car insurance, gas, renter’s insurance, health insurance,) along with the expenses related to running a business. That leaves me with very little extra. I have just enough for entertainment via a few streaming channels that I share with my children, a few simple meals out, purchasing a few books on Amazon, and that’s about it. I’m not complaining.  This is a choice I have made and my personal needs are quite low. That being said, many of the things that many Americans take for granted – vacations, new furniture, designer clothes, etc. are not available to me. Nearly everything I own is either thrifted or found deeply discounted. These are the choices I’ve made because I choose peace over the stress other choices would cause me. Not that I’ve really had a choice.

A Choice We Don’t Really Choose

Monastic living is not a choice we make. It is chosen for us – often kicking and screaming. No matter how hard we try to fit into a traditional (Institutional) model, we cannot. These models elude us – making it impossible for us to get a “real job” or live a “normal life.” Every attempt we make at creating a life that fits any sort of traditional western paradigm fails. Every time we try to pursue traditional western definitions of success (money, power, fame) we end up bloody from beating our head against the wall. Remember that story of Jesus being tempted in the desert by Satan and the temptations he is offered?  SAME!  We may be tempted with these but no matter how hard we try, we cannot have them. It’s almost like monasticism is forced upon us.  Yeah, we could go against “God,” but that never goes well does it? Instead we learn to SURRENDER to what is and let our Soul carry us.

Submission and Obedience

Talk about defying western logic!  Monastic living requires that we set aside our personal wants, desires, hopes, dreams, and ego-attachments. To fulfill this calling, we have to surrender our entire selves to some sort of creative intelligence that is not our own (that which some might call “God.”). We have to submit to the guidance of this inner force – even when we believe we aren’t receiving a single shred of guidance. And we have to obey it. What about “free will” you might ask?  I’m not sure as it relates to a monastic calling we have free will. Yes, we could defy the nature and movement of our Soul, but I’ve learned it’s not worth it. It’s so much easier to submit to this calling than to fight the “will of God” – or as one friend calls it, “Universal Intent.”

At the end of the day, living monastically in the modern world is not a choice anyone in their right mind would make – that is why to those who are free to live a regular life, we and our choices appear insane. But for us, the only way we can remain sane is to live the life of a monastic no matter how countercultural that might be.

You Did Nothing Wrong! It’s Not Your Fault!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I have grown increasingly weary of the new thought, new age, la la positivity movements and their “can-do” attitude subtly laced with shame and guilt. You know the routine:

  • “Think the right thoughts and you’ll get what you want.”
  • “If you don’t have what you want it’s because you aren’t thinking the right thoughts.”
  • “Don’t like your current life state?  Change your thoughts!”
  • “The state of your life is what you agreed to before you came here.”
  • “Suffering is an example of past life karma.”
  • “You must have done something wrong in a past life for this to happen….”
  • “You created this.”
  • “You create your reality.”
  • “If you want more you have to work hard.”

Yadda Yadda Yadda

On all of this I call BULL SHIT!

Seriously, the very last thing we need in our lives is a reinforcement of the messages many of us grew up with:  “You did something wrong. There’s something wrong with you.  It’s your fault. God is punishing you. God will punish you.”

Guilt. Shame. Blame. Over-responsibility.

Again, I call bullshit on this all.

Life is life. Period.

Sometimes in life we experience joy and ease. Sometimes life sucks and we die. Sometimes good things come from hard work. Sometimes only pain comes from hard work. Somedays we feel happy and joyful. Other days we feel depressed. Sometimes it seems we have the power to create our reality……..OR……..was the creation a function of privilege?

At 59 years old, I’ve learned there is really no rhyme or reason to life. Sometimes really bad people do nothing and seem to get everything they want. Often, really good people work really hard and get nothing. Perfectly healthy, really good young people get sick and die by no fault of their own, and absolutely terrible human beings get sick with a terminal illness and live for fucking ever!  No amount of thinking the right thoughts, praying the right prayers, or so-called life contracts or past life experiences change the circumstances of the human condition.

The human condition JUST IS. We have joy. We experience suffering. We find ease. We struggle. And none of this is our fault!!!!!  Our thoughts don’t dictate our life. Prayers and spells don’t change the course of fate. Life just is. And the last thing we need in the already difficult experience of being human is someone gloating about their good fortune and then telling us we don’t have what they do because we signed a life contract or thought the wrong thoughts. F*CK that SH*T!

But here is what we can do with life: Find resources and tools that help us to survive it!

  • Find a therapist.
  • Secure a spiritual director.
  • Ask your doctor for medicinal support (Zoloft is my friend).
  • Phone a friend.
  • Cultivate a daily practice that creates the space in which you can return to a place of inner peace.
  • Exercise.
  • Do what you love when you are able.
  • Drink coffee.  Eat chocolate. Love what you love in healthy amounts.
  • Find meaningful work if you are able, and if not, find something that doesn’t kill your soul.
  • Enjoy nature.
  • Create space to be fully present to your feelings: ALL OF THEM!
  • Honor your sorrow, depression, loneliness, and sense of abandonment. They all have something to teach you.
  • Find practices to free you from any and all guilt and shame based conditioning.
  • FREE YOURSELF from any and all person/teachers/tools that try to heap shame or guilt upon you.
  • And remember this:  YOU ARE A PRECIOUS AND GLORIOUS CHILD OF LOVE/God.  And if you have forgotten this, find tools to help you remember!
  • And if all else fails, exercise my favorite mantra:  F*CK This SH*T!

Good Words

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

This is just such a good reading I wanted to share it with a little practice at the end if you feel so-called.

The Lord GOD has given me
            a well-trained tongue,
That I might know how to speak to the weary
            a word that will rouse them.
Morning after morning
            he opens my ear that I may hear;
And I have not rebelled,
            have not turned back.
I gave my back to those who beat me,
            my cheeks to those who plucked my beard;
My face I did not shield
            from buffets and spitting.

The Lord GOD is my help,
            therefore I am not disgraced;
I have set my face like flint,
            knowing that I shall not be put to shame.
He is near who upholds my right;
            if anyone wishes to oppose me,
            let us appear together.
Who disputes my right?
            Let him confront me.
See, the Lord GOD is my help;
            who will prove me wrong?

Isaiah 50: 4-9a

Meditation Practice:

If you feel so-called, apply Lectio-Divina to the scripture passage above and share your experience in the comment section.

Lectio Divina

Lectio Divina is Latin for “divine reading,” “spiritual reading,” or “holy reading” and represents a method of prayer and scriptural reading intended to promote communion with God and to provide special spiritual insights.  Traditionally, Lectio-Divina is practiced with sacred scripture, but can be applied to any inspirational or meaningful written text.  Lectio Divina is accomplished in four steps, with the fourth step – contemplation – continuing beyond our practice time and flowing out into our day.

Lectio – Choose a scripture passage or inspirational written text.  Read the passage gently and slowly several times, savoring each portion of the reading.  As you are reading, look for a word or phrase that seems to jump out at you.  Receive this word or phrase as God’s nourishment for you.

Meditatio – Reflect on the text of the passage and think about how it applies to one’s own life. Specifically, ruminate, ponder, meditate on the word or phrase that jumped out at you.  Ask the question, “How is God speaking to me personally through this passage?”

Oratio – Respond to the passage by opening your heart to God. Allow yourself to have a conversation with God.  Offer a silent or spoken prayer in response to God, or write your thoughts in a notebook or journal.

Contemplatio – Listening to God. This is a freeing of yourself from your own thoughts, both mundane and holy, and hearing God speak to you. Opening the mind, heart, and soul to the influence of God. Contemplatio is often done in silence or carried with you as you go about your day.  Observe how your meditation period continues to influence your thoughts, behaviors, attitudes and feelings.

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Beyond Ascension: Shadow Work

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

The farther we move along the path of our spiritual growth, the more our unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears and ego-attachments rear their ugly heads.  These are the thought-forms, emotional reactions and behavior patterns that interfere with our ability to continue confidently on our path toward self-actualization.  Shadow work is the broad term that describes the spiritual practices that support us in healing and transforming these fears so that we are once again free to pursue the path of our highest good. 

Life Purpose

Our life’s purpose is to become self-actualized.  Through the process of self-actualization we are empowered to discover, nurture, cultivate and become empowered in our unique giftedness.  We are called to find meaning and purpose in our lives through the sharing of these gifts, for the sake of our own fulfillment, and in service to the betterment of the world.  Our soul is driven to pursue this path of self-actualization and it is through restlessness and longing that we are driven.

Spiritual Awakening

Somewhere around the time of our first Saturn return, we begin to awaken to the calling of our Soul, and again with renewed vigor at midlife.  We become dissatisfied with life as we know it, longing for something that is more fulfilling and which gives our life a sense of meaning and purpose.  We are awakened through restlessness, boredom, dissatisfaction, impatience and an insatiable yearning for that which we cannot yet describe.

Spiritual Growth

As we pursue this inner longing, we are led to resources and tools to support us in our spiritual growth.  In this process of spiritual growth, we seek to uncover the answer to three questions: 

Who am I?

Whose am I?

What are my gifts and how am I called to use them?

Spiritual Practices

It is through our spiritual practices that we find the answer to these questions.  Any activity that supports us in remembering peace, love and joy can be considered a spiritual practice when approached as such.  Meditation, prayer, mindfulness, contemplation, movement, rigorous physical exercise, being in nature, creative expression, the search for knowledge, our interpersonal relationships, and lovemaking can all be vehicles through which we come in contact with our Soul – our highest truth and the path toward self-actualization. It is also through these practices that we come in contact with our shadow.

The Shadow

The shadow is made up of our unacknowledged fears, ego- attachments and unhealed wounds.  It is within the shadow that we carry the pain of every rejection, criticism, condemnation, betrayal, disappointment, failure, loss, trauma, and every self-defense mechanism we ever built around this pain.  It is in the shadow where our fears reside, along with the part of us that seeks approval from or power over others.  It is also within the shadow that we carry our self-rejection – every experience or aspect of ourselves that has been set aside as imperfect, ugly, shameful, and condemnable.  The shadow contains all that we have hidden from ourselves and attempted to hide from the world.

What We Resist Persists

There is great wisdom in the Buddhist adage, “What we resist will persist.”  This is especially true of the shadow.  Ignoring our fears, unhealed wounds, ego- attachments and self-rejection allowed us the illusion of safety, or at the very least, control.  Safety and control, however, are simply illusions.  Ignoring our past hurts did not save us from future wounding.  In fact, ignoring those hurts likely caused us to become more vulnerable.  No matter how much we push these fears and unhealed wounds away, the more they tend to find their way out through passive aggressive behaviors, negative and disproportionate reactions, self-numbing and self-harming behaviors.  As we move along the path of our spiritual growth, we find that the more we try to resist what we placed in the shadows, the more it seeks to be known.

Shadow Work

This is where shadow work proves beneficial and ultimately empowering.  Shadow work is the courageous process of confronting the ghosts of our past and bringing them to the light.  Engaging in shadow work, we take the time to identify and be present to every fear, unhealed wound and ego-attachment that might try to hinder us on our path of spiritual growth.  We allow ourselves to be present to the hurt, the pain, the fear, the anger, and every emotion in between as we allow those “demons” to be healed and transformed.  As we allow ourselves to be present, we are freed from these fears and are empowered to continue in the way of our truth.

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Videos for This Week

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Strange Symptoms, Empathy and the Call of the Mystic

The call of the mystic is often accompanied by the gift of empathy – the ability to feel what other people are feeling, and to feel things that are happening in the world. This gift of empathy is often identified by strange, otherwise unexplainable physical and emotional symptoms: physical pain, vertigo, ringing in the ears, dizziness, nausea, migraines, visual disturbances, unexplained sorrow, anxiety, grief, fear, etc. While it’s important to consult a medical doctor in the event these symptoms have a medical and treatable cause. If not, it might just be that you’re an empath.

Soul Lessons – Tonglen

In this video, you will learn about and be guided in a Tonglen practice. Tonglen is a powerful and effective practice for transforming our inner wounds, compulsions, past trauma, and societal conditioning. It’s a great remedy for guilt, shame, loneliness, anxiety, and so much more.

The Way of Love – The “G” Word

This week’s Way of Love Video Podcast explores the “G-word.” Humanity’s evolution as it relates to our concepts of that from whence we came. Is it the old man in the sky? A many-armed God? Or will our human conceptualizations of the Source always fall short of what “G” really is?

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The Language of My Soul

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

My entire life I have been a contemplative.  I just never had a word for it until Sr. Marie Schwann, one of the instructors in my ministry training, introduced us to the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius and other forms of Christian Contemplative Prayer.  The purest gift of Sr. Marie’s guidance was her universal approach.  Contemplation was not just for Catholics. In fact, contemplation and meditation are formal practices present within every spiritual tradition and religious belief or practice have absolutely nothing to do with one’s ability to be contemplative.  For many, contemplation is simply the language of their Soul.

I speak of contemplation as a language as it is through stillness and deep observation that I communicate with the world around me.  It is through stillness and observation that I hear the deepest whisperings of my Soul.  It is through contemplation that I have received guidance and answers to the questions of my heart. Contemplation is the first step of discernment. The deep observation (hearing and seeing) of contemplation allows me to test the actions and behaviors of myself and others to determine if we/they are on the path of our highest good – or not.  Contemplation has provided shelter in the midst of the storms of life along with the healing and comfort needed when life seems to have gone awry. In contemplation, I have found a direct line to Truth (what some might call God) and it is the compass which faithfully guides me home to my truest and most authentic self.

I remember as a little girl attending mass with my family.  It was here that I have my first memories of contemplation.  I cared nothing for the mass – its rituals, the words being said, the sermon being spoke.  Instead, all I cared about was tuning all that out so I could “be with God.”  Mass was the time I was given full permission to turn inward in prayer and commune in peace with that which I was taught to call “God.”  It was here I was the most happy and it was here I discovered the true language of my Soul – a language that has absolutely nothing to do with theology, religion or belief.  Contemplative is simply who I am and who I am called to be.

What is the language of your Soul?