navigating change

Wandering, Wandering, Aimlessly Wandering

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Aka – Life in the Void

This morning, I woke up with a million topic ideas wrestling in my head. Do I write about collective despair or survival? Do I muse on about living as an interdimensional being? Do I remark on the radically different lives many of us find ourselves living? Do I talk about the state of our world (yes, let’s go ahead and beat that dead horse!)?

When I sat in the center of these swirling topics, I realized that the common thread in all of this is where we find ourselves at this moment – Sitting in the void between a world that is coming to an end and a world that has not yet been fully born. Void space, as I have come to know it, is a restless place filled with anxiety and certainty, yet when we know how to move through our need to control, we find the deep, dark, peace that is at the center of the Void. (Psst: The Void could also be called “Source,” for it is out of the Void that all things come into being).

The world as we have known it is dying. I need only point to the community engagement I was invited into this week regarding a $6 million deficit facing the Oshkosh Area School District. The current proposal for balancing the budget includes the elimination of 23 full-time equivalent positions in “elective” classes, specifically art, music, theatre, industrial and culinary arts, and more. Of course I did my part in writing to the Board and the OASD Administration on why maintaining these classes is important and the impact these classes have on students, along with the devastating effect eliminating these classes would have on student enrollment and graduation rates. I did the proper 3d world thing on a topic I am passionate about.

At the same time…….I know that education is one of the systems that is facing its own death as the empires around us collapse. Education, as we have known it no longer works – if it ever really did. Education, like all other patriarchal/hierarchical institutions, is clinging hard to status quo. In my letter to Oshkosh schools’ leadership, I called for innovation while knowing that they have neither the courage nor the insight to accept that invitation. The superintendent offering no acknowledgement or response to my letter says it all. OASD will be dying along with all other educational institutions who would rather live in denial than do the hard work of radical reform.

Radical reform is what the new world is calling for. For those with eyes to see, we see this and we know this. We know and understand what will need to pass away, collapse, or die in order for the new to come forth. We know and sense the new, but for those of us of a certain age, it is not ours to build. No, our children, and our children’s children will be the ones creating the new world – as they already are.

And yet, here we are, in the space between a world that is in freefall and a world yet to be born. It’s a strange place. Everything feels bad, uncertain, worrisome, violent, and despairing. This is the place of the unknown and in the face of the unknown there is anxiety. The signs of death are everywhere – from increasing grocery and housing costs, to political insanity. Everything sucks. In the suck, we become restless, aimless, wandering. We are trying to find ground, balance, safety, and security. We desperately want to feel safe in a world that is everything but safe. We are desperate to have control over something uncontrollable.

When the world as we have known it is in freefall, all we can do is stand back and hope it doesn’t fall on us!

The temptation is to get swept up into the chaos of a world trying to die, believing that this chaos is our reality. IT IS NOT!  The chaos is only a symptom of a dying world. Beyond the chaos, or rather, below and within it, is the true reality – that of THE VOID. The Void is the space between death and new life. It is the Source of all that is and the emptiness from which all things come to be. The Void is the “No Thing.”  It is the ultimate place of peace, comfort, and hope. When we allow ourselves to be objective witness to the chaos swirling around us, and not get caught up in it, our wandering settles, our restlessness becomes calm, we are able to release our need for control, and we are able to simply meet life as it is with acceptance and surrender. Remembering, in the immortal words of J.R.R. Tolkien, not all who wander are lost.

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Letting Life Run Its Course

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

As human beings, we are hard-wired for control. We seek after, grasp, and cling to control in an attempt to make ourselves feel safe. We are especially vigilant in these attempts when life places uncertainty before us.

We are living in uncertain times. We don’t have to look far to see the ways in which the collective human species is grasping after control. Neither do we have to look deep to see the ways in which we, ourselves, are equally seeking after control.

The reality is that control is an illusion and the formula that suggests control equals safety is a bold-faced lie. In fact, the opposite is true: the quicker way to peace and contentment (ie: safety) is to completely let go of control and let life run its course.

Letting go of the compulsion to grasp after control is exactly the posture I am taking at this point in both our collective as well as my own individual journey. This is a posture that demands a bit of trust/faith, but even more so, it requires diligence.

Diligence is the ability to make a commitment and stick with it. Diligence demands discipline and persistence. As an imperfect individual who at times is excruciatingly human, it is easy to fall off course – to lose my sense of commitment and become distracted by externals which attempt to trigger my fears. Self-awareness supports me in knowing when I have strayed from my committed path and lost the inner peace that comes in letting things take their course. Diligence puts me back on the path and leads me back to the peace of letting go.

Let me give you an example from my own life.  At this point in my journey, I am acutely aware of certain things coming to an end (or at the very least dramatically changing). These things provide the financial resources for my basic needs including shelter and food. Interestingly two of these things seem to be ending at exactly the same time. Together they provide for 80% of my current income. YIKES.

In the past, the imminent collapse of income would have freaked me out.  I would have been bombarding the internet with information on my programs and services, hastily applying for jobs, losing sleep over worry, and likely experiencing break-through panic. Yes, I am aware of the anxiety that threatens to shove me off course, but my response to that anxiety is to hold my ground. Life has taught me that when something leaves, it is only creating room for something better to take its place. Life has also taught me that I am being provided for – maybe not through the accumulation of wealth, but through exactly what I need IN THIS MOMENT. While life has called me to be creative, it has never really let me down. I don’t know what will be and I am not being given a glimpse. I do know that I will be ok, and even if I’m not, I will be fine. If nothing else, life has taught me resilience. (as one friend recently said, this is one word I too would like to retire!!!!!)

But, how do I know? How can I be sure? How can I let life take its course when it sometimes looks like complete and utter collapse is pending?

In a word:  PRACTICE. PRACTICE. PRACTICE.

Every moment of every single day is a practice. Are we at peace or in a state of panic or confusion? If the latter, I turn to my practice. When it’s the former, I remain in my practice. Returning again and again and again to the practices that help me maintain peace, equanimity and to meet life from a place of wisdom.

When the shit hits the fan, and I am overwhelmed with life, the world, my own unhealed wounds, I turn within and if that fails, I turn toward (that which some might call) God. Just yesterday, I was begging “God/Self” for relief. Then I asked for healing, letting go of my need to avert the inner pain I was feeling, and let Life/God take its course.

This is how it is with our world. As the world around us writhes in its death throes, seeking to trigger our fears and we are tempted to grasp after control, the only thing we can really do is let the events take their course. When not immersed in the detailed actions of the pretenders in office and the silence of the supposed balances and checks, I see a bigger picture. Something new trying to be born. As this new is coming forth, it is breaking apart the lies upon which the world has been built and showing us where there are kinks in the chain. As the new is coming forth, that which has long basked in their illusion of power and control are freaking out. Their fear of losing power is driving them to grasp, wrestle, tantrum, cling and rage. As we would do for any other toddler, let them rage. As they are not ours to protect or save, we let them tantrum. Eventually, they will either grow tired or destroy themselves. Then there will be room for the emotionally mature grown ups to step in, clear away the debris, and start the building of something new.

In the meantime, it is our job to stand back, allowing Life run it’s course.

Support through Uncertain Times

If you are struggling to maintain peace during these uncertain times, I can help. Through one-on-one mentoring, I can support you with practices that help us to reclaim peace and clear the inner wounds we carry that stand in the way of our knowing peace.

Email: lauri@lauriannlumby.com to learn more.