pearls before swine

Pearls to Swine

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Mt 7:6)

It has been said that when we have a lesson to learn, we are continually given opportunities to learn it, until we finally get it. Can I be done with this lesson now, please?????

My entire life I have struggled with the issue of giving my “pearls to swine” – attempting to share my gifts, my knowledge, and my expertise with those who have no appreciation for, give no value to, or have even demonstrated contempt for my gifts. Every time I give into temptation and attempt to share my gifts with “swine,” it blows up in my face, The image that surfaces for me of what this “blowing up in my face” feels like is one of me giving a gift and the recipient crumpling it up and throwing it back in my face. (This literally happened to me once, so I know the origin of this image.)

This lesson is an intense struggle for me for several reasons:

  1. I want to share my gifts. I almost feel like I can’t help but try to share my gifts. It’s like there is a force within me that is compelled to openly share my gifts. In fact, I believe it is the nature of our gifts to want to be shared.
  2. We are taught that our gifts are meant to be shared – freely and without encumbrance.
  3. We were also taught that the purpose of our gifts is a) for the sake of our own fulfillment and b) for the betterment of humankind.

With all these forces at work, driving us to seek out, discover, nurture, cultivate and then share our gifts, what are we to do when people show us over and over and over that they have no interest in or use for our gifts, when they literally stomp on our gifts and throw them back in our face?

This is the answer I had been seeking when the words from Matthew’s gospel (above) appeared in my mind like a flashing billboard.

The easy answer is to STOP attempting to use, share, offer, my gifts to those who repeatedly refuse them. That’s just good boundaries (which brings to mind another scripture):

 “And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.” (Mt 10:14)

Boundaries are easier said than done when our gifts are bubbling over like a pressure cooker – longing, desiring, and compelled to be put to use. For me, I can’t just turn off my gifts. When I share my gifts and they are openly and gratefully received, I feel a sense of rightness.  There is a sense of reciprocity, and the feeling of a circuit being made complete. When my gifts are not received, or outright rejected, I feel the frustration of the circuit being incomplete, or (as in the case of rejection) as if the plug has been pulled right out of me. Depleted of energy, I collapse.

For me, this collapse is at once physical, emotional, and spiritual. I feel bereft, empty, forsaken, disappointed, even despairing. It would be easy to assume that this collapse is simply an emotional reaction to feeling rejected – like I’m taking it personally. Admittedly, there is a bit of that but not nearly as much as I had felt in the past. Instead, it feels more like the consequence of physics. As in the case of electrical energy, when the plug is pulled, preventing the energy (gifts) to reach its intended destination, the device simply stops working. When energy is prevented from reaching its destination, the energy builds up, pressure increases, and the device implodes upon itself.

I feel that this may be how it is with our gifts. Our gifts are meant to be activated. They are meant to be shared. They are meant to be received so the circuit might be complete. But there will always be those among us with whom we are compelled to share our gifts who are not interested in receiving them or who will wholeheartedly reject them.

Shake the dust off our feet and walk away? Stop trying to share our gifts? Sit on our hands and bite our tongues as the gift inside of us is trying to escape?

Yes. But what do we then do with the energy inside of us that seeks to be fulfilled? And what do we do with the very real sorrow that surfaces when we know our gifts would prove to be of benefit if only they could be received?

Honestly, I do not know. This is the quandary I’ve been sitting with and the prayer I have been offering up to the universe. It’s the prayer that has plagued me as I wonder where are those who are able to receive my gifts and how might I find them? I’ve grown exceedingly tired of swine.

Know Your Worth

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

You are a precious child of God/Love, of this there can be no doubt. And yet, life often wears us down to the point where we forget this critical truth.

Worn down is exactly where I have been as I’ve watched the work of thirty years die on the vine. All of that by which I had come to define myself seems to have come to an end. My children are grown up and out of the house. The books I had in me are out in the world. My burst of artistic creativity in the form of spiritual icons seems to have lost its fire. My remaining clients and students are few. It’s not enough to sustain me financially so I’ve been forced to “get a real job.” It’s a good “real job,” but it’s only part time and still not enough (just barely covers my rent and a few of my regular bills).

Life is strange when you’re fifty-eight and you find there’s nothing left in your hands. It’s even stranger when well-meaning friends, relatives, and even strangers try to offer encouragement, support and things you could “do” to drum up more business.

Sigh. I feel like I’ve done all that. I have no more efforting in me. The desire to hustle for my business died long ago and the thought of creating marketing materials to target a whole new audience exhausts me beyond exhaustion.

I’m too old for this shit. Been there done that…..and what exactly do I have to show for all the darn efforting and for everything I sacrificed to pursue what I still believe is my calling. I have the gifts for it and people benefit from the sharing of my gifts. But still……

Yesterday well-meaning ideas were put before me and my whole body recoiled. I could feel my Soul entering panic mode and my mind started to shut down. Knowing my own discernment response, I excused myself from the gathering and acknowledged that there was something out of alignment for me with the suggestions. I brought this awareness into my sleep and welcomed it into my prayers this morning.

As it turned out, the Universe had a lot to say.

  1. A FB post from a friend in which she said, “I no longer know who I am.” BOOM!  That hit me between the eyeballs!  Ditto sister!
  2. Reading the Tao, words that remind my Soul of my truth:

Bend and you will be whole.

Keep empty and you will be filled.

Have little and you will gain.

3. Scripture randomly floating into my brain:

Don’t cast your pearls before swine. (MT 7:6)

4. And a reading from my Kali oracle deck:

Your path need not be one of endless effort.

All of these a reminder to know my worth, trusting and honoring what I know about myself and my own truth. I’m done casting my gifts to the wind and having them either blow back in my face, fall on the ground in front of me, or get blown away never to return. I know my worth and whatever the Universe has in store for this empty vessel that I’ve become will find its way to me for I am indeed a precious child of God/Love.