Spiritual Practice

Everything is a Practice

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Finding our way along the journey of self-actualization and personal mastery, we eventually come to the realization that everything is a practice. Whereas the early stages of our journey may have put us on the path to setting time aside each day for a dedicated mindfulness, contemplation, or meditation practice, we soon come to find out that our dedicated practice begins to spill out into the everyday experiences of our lives. Soon, everything becomes grist for the mill as we work to heal all within us that separates us from our original nature as love, while continuing to love the pieces that are not yet healed.

For me, this “everything practice” showed up in one extremely subtle and another powerfully obvious way.

I’ll begin with the extremely subtle:  I’ve been noticing in my daily practice an almost undetectable sorrow. It showed itself as a sorrow I could not initially name, but felt very deep and infinitely small. When I reached toward this sorrow, I perceived it as a tiny dot, no bigger than the end of a pencil. As it my practice, I’ve spent this week “working” on that dot of sorrow. Going toward it (instead of away). Pointing to it and “sending” healing. Holding the sorrow and asking what it had to say to me or teach me. The goal of this practice is to simply show up to that sorrow. In my experience, the fruits of this kind of practice eventually lead to healing and release, or alternatively, the revelation of something hiding behind the sorrow that seeks to be known. I’m still working on this piece, but I have gotten a glimpse of the original wound of separation that is just beyond this sorrow. That glimpse nearly gave me a panic attack, but I know that the only way to continue healing that wound is to stay with it.

The powerfully obvious way that everything presented itself as practice arose in a fit of rage. Without boring you with the gory details, suffice it to say that the rage was in the form of ranting resentment over a need for which I had requested support. The support was denied. To be honest, as I write this, I’m still pissed. First – because I rarely ask for help. Second because I should have known better.

What I do know, however, is that beyond the ranting and raving (which are appropriate inner responses to our needs not being met) is an old wound showing itself for another layer of healing – the wound of unmet needs. This is a pretty universal wound in that most people can share stories, experiences, conditioning, etc. in which their needs have gone unmet, or been flat-out rejected. Every time we have the courage to ask for help, and it is denied, a part of us feels like it has died. Heap up a lifetime of rejected and unmet needs, and the wound becomes a gaping hole. For myself personally, this is a wound I’ve given much time and attention to in the form of transformational practices. And, just like most everyone else, it’s a wound that still needs love. First, we have to work on healing the wound of rejection. Next, we tackle the wound of unmet needs. Finally, we do the work of meeting our own needs while setting appropriate boundaries around those who, due due to their own unhealed wounds (likely), are unable to be a reciprocal source of support for others.

From the very subtle to the greatest of charged emotions, everything is our self asking to be seen, known, and loved. This love, ultimately, is what our practice is all about.

The Secular Modern Monastic

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Well, I had planned on presenting this topic in my own words, but as it turns out, Google did a much better job:

A secular modern monastic is a person who lives a life of discipline, prayer, and service within the secular world, without adhering to traditional religious rules like celibacy or cloistered living. These individuals find spiritual fulfillment through practices like meditation, mindfulness, and a commitment to self-improvement or community work, often within the context of their existing family and career lives. This approach emphasizes spiritual practices over religious dogma and is sometimes seen as an alternative to traditional religion for those who still seek a disciplined and purpose-driven life. 

Key characteristics

  • Integration into modern life: 

Rather than leaving society, secular monastics practice their spirituality within it, engaging in daily activities with a monastic mindset. 

  • Focus on self-improvement: 

A common theme is working on oneself, which can include practices like meditation and personal development. 

  • Service-oriented: 

Like traditional monks, secular monastics often engage in acts of service, though their methods are adapted to a modern context. 

  • Community-based: 

Some groups form communities that support each other in their practices and daily lives. 

  • Flexibility: 

These movements are often diverse and flexible, creating their own “rules of life” that are adaptable to a secular framework. 

  • Spiritual practice over dogma: 

The focus is on the practice of prayer, meditation, and contemplation, rather than on religious doctrine or supernatural beliefs. 

With a couple of my own edits, this pretty much sums it up.

The Secular Modern Monastic isn’t an entirely new creation as there have always been individuals outside of traditional monasticism who have felt called to a more gentle, contemplative way of life. The Desert Mothers and Fathers, and the Beguines are two such examples of contemplative people forging their own path – the former in solitude away from society, the latter a community of individuals living their monastic calling in the midst of their everyday lives – connected through their common call.

Monastics have always been with us, and their purpose has always been the same. While sometimes emerging out of a specific religious tradition, their true purpose transcends belief or doctrine. Instead, they – WE are here to show humanity another way. We are here to show humanity a way out of the imprisonment of the human condition – one that is most often ruled by fear and producing non-loving behaviors that arise out of that fear. Fear is ultimately what compels humans to be gluttonous, selfish, greedy, envious, slothful, vengeful, and vain. Out of their spiritual practice and journey of self-discovery and improvement, secular monastics have learned to transform their fear, coming more and more fully to understand their original nature as Love. Love then, rather than fear, becomes the guiding force of their life which allows them to escape the mechanisms of fear used by the overriding culture.

Modern secular monastics defy the status quo. We are immune to the ministrations of the ruling system of power and control. Not only do we not fit into the system, it is nearly impossible for us to dwell within it. It is for this reason that many find themselves outside the system.

In those newly discovering their monastic calling, the question of community will often surface. As one client has frequently asked, “where do we go?” The answer is simple – we go within. In my experience, there are no formal communities that can hold the secular modern monastic. Instead, we are invited to let community redefine itself. For me, the answer to the question of community is simple: Community has found me. This community is made up of a random and unrelated group of individuals who have all gathered around a specific intention – to be a force of Love in the world. I count among this community my biological family, friends, former and existing clients and students. Some live near me, but the vast majority are scattered around the world doing their own thing and shining their own light. What is common among them is that they are somehow connected to me (I know, weird).

Ultimately, there is no one specific form of secular modern monasticism.  When we allow it, it takes on the exact form that we need – a form that we may never have expected.

Navigating Loneliness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

Loneliness is a natural consequence of spiritual awakening. As we grow spiritually, turning inward to come to know and more fully embrace our true selves, we find the world and the life we were living less satisfying. We find ourselves seeing the illusion and falsehoods of the traditional systems of the world and find these increasingly uncomfortable. We find that we no longer fit in with the jobs, people, and experiences to which we had been giving time and attention. As we grow spiritually, we find that we never really did fit into these roles, but that these were just masks we wore to be accepted and acceptable to the system.

The more we tend to our inner journey, the less interest we have in spending time or energy with anyone or on anything that isn’t supportive of our truth. We cut away the relationships that are harmful or draining while cultivating a more peaceful and gentle life. Eventually, we discover that our “friend” circle has become very small – made up mostly of other people who have done similar spiritual work on themselves – and our relationships with these people are less about a need for belonging or gaining acceptance, and more about mutual sharing, support, and respect.

The need to belong is one of the greatest hurdles to becoming whole. The need to belong arises out of a codependent need for acceptance, and the price of that belonging is often no less than our souls. We lose ourselves in our compulsive need to be loved and accepted when the only love we truly need is the love we have for ourselves. Many become stunted in their spiritual growth because they are afraid of losing that (false) sense of belonging and because they are afraid of being alone.

Being alone is in fact one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. It is in solitude that we are quiet and still enough for our deepest wounds, unhealed traumas, unnamed and unmanaged fears have the room to surface. It is because of this predictable dynamic that many avoid the solitude that their soul desperately needs. Loneliness is one of the aspects of our conditioning that surfaces in that space of being alone.

Loneliness is at once natural, and a conditioned response based on fear. As a species, it has been demonstrated that we need community to survive. Being wholly alone is not healthy for anyone. We need human interaction. As a species, we are interdependent. We could not survive without the collaborative work of the pack – each individual sharing their own unique gifts for the sake of their own fulfillment, and in service to the all. Loneliness, in this case, is a gentle reminder that we need human connection.

Loneliness as a response to fear, however, is less about our natural inclination toward tribal interaction, and more about the shield that flies up in protection of the ego (false self) when we are getting closest to our deepest wounds. The ego could be said to have its own life based on conditioning and on the fears that keep us imprisoned in the system. The ego defends itself when it feels threatened. It does not want us to heal or grow because with every step toward healing, a piece of the ego dies. Loneliness is one of the shields the ego throws up in defense of itself.

When loneliness arises in our consciousness, our first inclination is to find a solution to loneliness – to make it go away. We desperately seek after anything that will fill that emptiness that accompanies loneliness. Some turn to food, drugs, or alcohol. Others turn to compulsive activity. Others seek for someone (anyone) to make them feel less alone. Sometimes, the someone arrives disguised as love, but most often proves itself to be just another face of dysfunction.

These efforts to fill the hole left behind by loneliness will always fail, as the result of these attempts are fleeting and impermanent at best. Eventually, we end up right back in a pit of loneliness, except this time, the pit has grown deeper.

The actual remedy to loneliness exists, not in resisting it or trying to make it go away, but in being with the loneliness to find out what it has to say to us. What is the fear that loneliness has hiding behind or beneath it? Is it the fear that we are not loved? Is it the fear that we are alone? Is it the fear that we are insignificant and have nothing to share in the world? Once we can identify the fear, then we can do the work of healing it, and in that healing, becoming free of that fear.

One of the greatest gifts I have given to myself, was a 30 day loneliness practice. I was somewhat newly divorced and thinking I needed to find a new person who would love me. It turned out the person I was really looking for to love me was myself. The loneliness practice supported me in arriving at that knowledge and in doing the healing work that allowed me to be mostly free of loneliness.

For the loneliness practice, I turned to Tonglen. Tonglen is a mindfulness practice from the Tibetan Buddhist practice that supports us in being with our pain, our loneliness, and our fears.  Being with these wounded aspects of ourselves allows us to be healed of them. Here are my instructions for Tonglen taken from my online course “Starting a Spiritual Practice:”

Tonglen—a Tibetan Buddhist Healing Practice

Tonglen is a simple breathing and visualization practice that helps us to release powerful,

negative feelings and emotions.  Instinctively, when we experience a negative feeling or  

emotion, we are compelled to push the feeling away.  Tonglen invites us to do the opposite – to bring the feeling in so that it can be healed, transformed and released.

1) First, we FEEL the feeling. We allow ourselves to welcome it instead of pushing it away.

2) As we feel the feeling, we identify where in our body we are feeling it. 

3) If possible, we name the feeling (is it shame, hatred, anger, resentment, sorry, guilt, betrayal, etc.)

4) After we have identified where in our body we are feeling and feeling and if possible,

identified what the feeling is, then we breathe into the feeling.  More specifically, we breathe into the place in our body where we are feeling the feeling….while allowing ourselves to feel it. 

5) After breathing into the feeling, we breathe out love. While breathing our love, we might

also visualize what love looks like—maybe it is light and it has a color, perhaps it is the shape of a heart or the wind.  

6) As we breathe out love, we imagine it going out into the world, maybe even to any person

or persons who may be somehow connected to the negative emotion we are feeling. 

7) We continue this process of feeling the feeling, breathing it into our bodies and breathing

out love until we either feel a shift, or simply run out of time.  If during the practice we find

ourselves brought to tears, this layer of pain or woundedness has been freed and released.

8) Tonglen can be turned to again and again and again for the release of negative emotional

states.  We can us it both symptomatically (as a negative feelings arises) or therapeutically

(for example, daily if working on deep seated negative emotions or old and lingering emo

tional wounds).  

To free ourselves from the imprisonment of loneliness and its resulting fear, apply Tonglen to loneliness. With this I recommend a two-pronged approach. The first is a foundational approach.  In this, set aside 10-20 minutes each day to be with loneliness, applying the practice of Tonglen. The second is the symptomatic approach. WHEN you find yourself feeling lonely, apply Tonglen to that loneliness. Tonglen can be done at any time, anywhere, no matter what activity you are engaged in. It is a powerful tool for freeing ourselves from the loneliness that might otherwise drive us to act in non-loving or unhealthy ways toward ourselves. Tonglen also allows us to be freedom of the ego’s shield of loneliness so that we might increasingly escape the system that keeps us imprisoned in the false self, thereby freeing us to live more and more as our truest self.

Lauri Ann Lumby, MATP, provides one-on-one mentoring and support for those who are in the process of their spiritual journey and who are awakening to their highest selves and their most authentic truth. Lauri helps you to shed the layers of the ego made up of conditioning, past wounds and trauma, and fear so that your Soul might be free to live as its truest self.

Learn more here.

Letters from Hell #2 – Rest

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

This morning, my thoughts have turned to rest. Specifically, rest, that it seems I am needing a great deal more of. I never needed rest before – or at least I acted like I didn’t need it. I would work from before dawn to after dusk Monday through Sunday. Weekends were taken up with chores – cooking, cleaning, yardwork, being a mom, etc. etc. etc. There was no time for rest – rather, I rarely took the time.

But now, as we’ve been living in hell, it seems like all I want to do is rest.

I can’t help it. I’m tired. Damn tired.

Living in hell is exhausting. Between “hearing (and feeling) the cries of the world,” the increasing division and violence, and the constant bombardment of traumatic events and chaotic actions, I have very little left to give – to anything – other than survival.

It’s no wonder when the weekend comes all I really feel like doing is sitting at home, reading, napping, and watching TV. I have zero bandwidth (or money) for much else. I don’t want to go anywhere or be by anyone. And please don’t ask me to go somewhere where there will be crowds. I get enough of the energy of people during the week, and I really cannot tolerate any more.

I suspect I’m not alone in this – at least among those who are paying attention. As a healer and an empath, I feel it all  – every person’s emotions, feelings, anxieties, frustration, anger, and fear. I can’t help it. My body is like some kind of processor for all the darkness that is erupting in our world. It comes into me and moves through me. It seems I have no choice in the matter. It’s part of what I’m here to do and be. And trust me, it is not out of pride that I share this – because I would not wish this “job” on anyone.

With no choice in the matter, I do what I must to survive: 

First, my home is my sanctuary. I have created it into a place of refuge and safety. It is my hermitage, my monastery, my cloister. With three-foot-thick concrete walls, it is a fortress in which I feel safe. I am here mostly alone or in the company of loved ones or special clients. To the world, my home is invisible. To be found, you must have been given an invitation.

Second, when I’m not at the job that provides the income I need for basic survival, I’m at home. Except for visits to the yoga studio, running basic errands, visiting my favorite coffee shop, I’m home. At home, I am deeply immersed in my practice – meditation, prayer, reflecting, writing, reading, and praying some more. Increasingly, in prayer is how I spend my time. I need it. The world needs it.

Third, I’ve learned to embrace rest. When I’m tired, I nap. When it’s not a “work day,” I rest. In this also, I find I no longer have a choice. I need it after all the energy it takes to live in this hellscape, to be forced to be out in the world, and to be one of the many witnessing and supporting humanity as it decides its own fate – an eternity in hell, the end of the human race, or if they will finally agree to embrace the opportunity they’ve always been given – which is to be Love.

Rising Above the Chaos

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

As the world as we know it continues in its collapse, there are bound to be times of unbridled chaos:

  • Chaos created by those who stand to lose power.
  • Chaos manifesting as distractions, impulsive actions, and irrational and rash decisions.
  • Chaos instigated as an attempt to control a narrative.
  • Chaos created in the hopes of causing confusion.
  • Chaos as the reaction to above-mentioned chaos by those unable or unwilling to acknowledge their own anxiety and sense of unease in the face of said-chaos.
  • Chaos in the irrational anger, frustration, and impatience that arises in the face of unacknowledged and unmanaged fear.

Human-created chaos and human-reactions to chaos, most simply, are symptoms of the death throes of a world imploding. When the life we have known approaches its end, humans’ initial tendency is to cling to what has been, and that clinging most often manifests in rash attempts to manipulate and control their own dying.

Death, however, cannot be controlled. When a way of being has lived out its usefulness, it comes to a natural end. Nothing can stop it. Neither should one try.

In the face of a dying, however, humans are rarely rational. This is especially true in those who do not know how to acknowledge or manage the natural fears that arise in the face of endings. This unacknowledged and unmanaged anxiety comes out sideways in angry, rash, impulsive, and often irrational actions. These actions can be enormously obvious such as deploying military troops “to help eliminate crime” in areas where crime has already been effectively managed, or as subtle as rudeness or road rage.

No one is immune to the natural fear of endings. We have two choices in the face of these fears: allowing the collective chaos to sweep us away in a storm of our own anxiety and worry, thereby triggering our own responses to fear; or acknowledging the anxiety that we are feeling and employing the tools and resources we have for mitigating and managing fear.

Tools for managing the fears we naturally experience in the face of a dying world (as we know it) include: medication, meditation, movement, music, mindfulness and mindful actions and activities. Mindful activities can include anything from cooking to gardening, hiking, exercise, making love, and more. Really, anything that allows us to rise above, or move beneath the chaos of a world in its death throes works. It doesn’t matter what form our practice takes. What matters is it allows us to be present with our anxiety and move through it so we are no longer a prisoner of our own anxiety, or vulnerable to the fear-driven actions of others; but instead, we are peaceful, content, and safe as the world around us goes up in flames.

How are you rising above or moving below the chaos to find your own place of comfort and safety?

The Choosing

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

“Decide today who you will serve.”

The words above are from the Book of Joshua in the Hebrew scriptures and perfectly describe where we find ourselves at this point in our human evolution as we are being given an opportunity to choose:

  • Who or what do you serve?
  • Who or what do you follow?
  • Who or what do you worship?
  • Who or what do you seek to obtain or acquire?
  • Who or what do you believe in?
  • Where do you put your time, energy or attention?
  • What or who do you give your energy to?
  • How are you using this one precious life you’ve been given?

To me, there is only one appropriate response to these questions, the answer being Love (that which some might call God). When we choose to serve the cause of Love, when we follow Love to its source, when we hold Love above all else, when we seek to know Love more fully, when we believe in the power of Love, when we focus our time, energy, and attention on knowing and being Love, when we give ourselves over to being Love, and if Love is the goal and intention of our lives, then we find ourselves authentically free – meaning peaceful, joyful, and content.

When we choose anything other than Love, we are doomed to be imprisoned by our fears, our conditioning, and our limiting beliefs. Then, we become vulnerable to the manipulations of those who seek to benefit from our fears.

The world in which we are currently living is ruled by those who seek to benefit from our fears: Corporations. Politicians. Governments. Religious authorities. The Media. Conspiracy Theorists. Propaganda creators. – just to name a few. The world is rife with those who understand that fear is an easier choice than Love and who use those fears to control us by getting us to do what they want us to do for their benefit and our detriment. The wholesale destruction of Gaza, for example, is the result of a nation capitalizing on the fear they have created and the individuals around the world who financially benefit from a nation always at war. An example closer to home are the snake-oil salespeople who are happy to take advantage of those suffering with a tragic, difficult, or terminal diagnosis by making false promises of a cure.

What the world doesn’t know is that choosing fear is easier only because it’s all we’ve been conditioned to do. From the time we are conceived, fear is the primary message and tool of control. It doesn’t, however, have to be this way. Neither are we doomed to remain in fear. Breaking away from fear begins with a choice – a choice that we are invited to make every single moment of every single day. This choice begins with a simple question:

In this experience, am I choosing fear or Love?

Let me provide some simple examples:

When you are watching TV and an ad comes on for the latest “weight loss cure,” will you allow the ad to trigger your body judgement and be tempted, or even decide to purchase that product or will you see the ad for what it is – a corporation trying to make you feel bad about yourself so you will buy their product – so you can then decide to choose self-Love over fear?

When crazy sh*t is happening at the White House, do you get sucked into anxiety, fear, and the temptation to enter the spiral of doom, or do you take a breath, see it for what it is (something purposefully trying to trigger your fear), and then let it go with Love?

When a political party (or individual) uses the media to try to set apart a specific ethnic group as “the enemy,” do you buy into the fear or do you understand that in Love, there are no enemies – only those seeking to benefit from a world divided.

Choosing Love requires intention, dedication, discipline, and persistence. Choosing Love takes practice – and is a practice. Choosing Love is at once a choice and an unchoosing as we retrain ourselves from the fear we’ve been conditioned to choose to the Love that is our truest and most original nature. Only in choosing Love will we ever know peace and it is only in more choosing Love over fear that the world will ever know peace.

What are you choosing?

Choosing Love is a practice. All of the resources I provide support you in learning how to choose Love and how to unchoose fear.

Learn more here.

The Practice of Bearing Witness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Today has been a weird day – a study of contrasts of sorts. For me, the day began as it normally does – in prayer. Then a friend and I set out on an art adventure. On both of our minds were the ongoing protests in Los Angeles, along with the “No Kings” protests scheduled all around the country for today – purposefully to coincide with the “Big Beautiful Birthday Parade.” Our shared hope was that the protests be peaceful and the protestors safe. Equally, we voiced our concerns over the state of our nation – the threats to our freedoms, along with the failing system of checks and balances that we were taught were supposed to protect these freedoms.

We are living in uncertain times – times that trigger our fears and appropriately incite our righteous anger. The temptation to react to these triggers through violence is strong. A fire burns within us in the face of injustices being done to our fellow human beings, especially the most vulnerable among us. And yet, violence only begets more violence and burning with hatred solves nothing. Instead, we are invited to seek a different path.

For me, the path has always been quiet, solitary, and non-violent. As an introvert, you will never find me at a protest. Neither will you find me inciting violence against the perceived “other.” Even today, in light of the political assassinations in my own hometown of Minneapolis, I cannot feel hatred toward the assassin. I can only feel deep sorrow for one who is so broken to believe this was the right and appropriate thing to do. Further, my prayers go out to the deceased, their families, and friends.

Our nation is profoundly broken. The easy thing is to choose sides, hating on one while celebrating the other. Out of our instinctual need to feel safe, we might spiral into anticipatory planning – imagining every possible scenario while planning our response. In our need to control, we may believe that taking action is the best response including reacting to every trigger thrown our way.

The reality is this mess is not going to resolve itself overnight. We cannot anticipate the direction this current unfolding of the American experiment will take. We cannot predict what the horse loose in the hospital will do or attempt to do. Really, all we can do is be present to this moment, wait, breathe, and watch. If we are called to respond, take action, speak out, etc., it is only in the present moment that the proper response will be revealed.

For me, this ongoing unfolding/unraveling of the “American Dream” has provided an opportunity for me to hone my practice of non-action as demonstrated in my call to simply be witness. Further, it has shown me over and over my tendency to want to control, change, or fix what I perceive to be disordered or wrong. This practice has carried over not only in relation to American politics, but also into my everyday life.

You see, I’m a recovering perfectionist. For sixty years, I believed it was my job to fix and change everything that (to me) appears to be wrong. With great moral certitude and an eye for judgment, I have spent my life with a gavel in one hand and my pen of righteousness in the other. With troubleshooting as a highly cultivated defense mechanism, resentment and self-righteousness have fueled my journey as I try to share my “gifts” and get met with a brick wall.

Oh yes, I could most definitely be right about what is wrong and I may even know how to fix it……but, is that really my job? Is that why I was put here, to “heal and save the world?” With the amount of resistance I’ve faced because of my “gifts,” I would say “probably not.”

It’s not my job to save the world. It’s not my job to save our nation. It’s not my job to fix what is broken or repair what has gone wrong. Instead, it is my job to cultivate my own peace while bearing witness to all that is happening before me, and to be here for those who might need support in cultivating their own peace in a world gone mad, or to provide comfort to those who find themselves in their own personal battles trying to get through this thing called life.

Life is hard enough without making every conflict our own. As much as it grieves me to admit this, I have found that when we allow things to unfold on their own, they tend to find their own resolution – the horse will one day either find its way out of the hospital or it will die trying.

Building Your Fortress of Peace

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Because I have an overly active mind and one that is geared toward looking for how things could be better, I am vulnerable to the co-dependent compulsion to want to fix things and save people. This inherent and conditioned way of being has gotten me in trouble my entire life – most often because people either didn’t ask for my help or advise, or they don’t have the true desire to make the changes that would be necessary to better their lives or the unhealthy situation in which they find themselves.

The end result is that rather than being a help for others, I find myself haunted by wishes, hopes, and dreams for other people’s salvation, which are ultimately a harm to me as these thoughts increase my frustration and anxiety, and often lead to the resentment and depression that arises when our gifts are not being utilized.

Recently, I became acutely aware of this tendency in myself to focusing on other people’s pain and fixating on trying to fix it. The current political climate has only made things worse. In all of this, I have become aware of the fact that all I’m doing is harm to myself by continuing to engage in this habitual behavior, and that it was time to stop.

Stopping the compulsion of allowing my own energy, gifts, thoughts, and intentions to be drawn away from me and toward other people’s difficulties, fears, and pain is easier said than done. It takes diligent and focused effort to undo sixty years of conditioned behavior. I am, however, determined to end this cycle so that my gifts can be better utilized, and so I can return myself to peace.

The first step of this practice began with admitting the problem. Then, I turned my attention inward (to the Divine within) and asked for guidance and support in ending this behavior.

What first came through was the “sealing the jar” practice I shared the other day.

Then, it came in a focused mindfulness practice where I focused my thoughts and attention on a still place within myself – specifically, gazing within myself to a spot between my eyes, inside my skull.

Today, what came through was a deepening of that practice in which this focused attention began to build itself first into a castle, eventually becoming a fortress (I saw the fortress as a kind of Winterfell). This is a practice I’m happy to share here, trusting that you will find your own expression of a similar practice.

The practice, as always, begins with awareness.  In this case, becoming aware of all the ways in which your energy, thoughts, desires, hopes, are dragged outside of you and toward another person or group of persons. You may recognize the energy being drawn off of you in your own feelings of worry, fretfulness, anxiety, or concern. (It’s not that concern for others is bad. It’s that fixating on other people’s concerns distracts us from what we need to be doing for ourselves to remain at peace.) Once you are aware of the energy being drawn off of you, instead of following the thoughts or the energy, draw your awareness and thoughts inward. As described above, I found it helpful to focus on a place deep in my mind, specifically to a place between my eyeballs, inside of my skull. (I know, weird image, but it worked for me.)  NOW, hold your focus on that spot. WHEN you find your mind and attention drifting outside of you, bring it back to that focal point. Do this again and again and again (infinity), every single time you find your attention drifting somewhere outside of you. Over time, as you tend to this practice. you will begin to feel a decrease in anxiety and an increase in peace.

As you become familiar with this practice and chip away at the conditioned habit, you will begin to notice increasingly subtle ways in which your energy is being drawn off of you. Now it is time to build your fortress. Remaining in the practice of inward gazing, begin to become aware of the energy around you. The more we keep our energy to ourselves, the more safe and secure we are able to feel in our bodies.  This increasing sense of empowerment over maintaining our own state of inner peace becomes like a stone wall surrounding us. In essence, as we remain with this practice we are unconsciously building a fortress around ourselves where we feel safe, secure, and protected. The next part is the fun part – taking note of what your castle or fortress looks like?  Allow your fortress to blossom in your mind, taking on its own unique appearance. This fortress will be the touchstone you can return to every time you feel your peace disturbed by external people or situations.

The truest gift of this practice is empowerment for it is not someone outside of you who is providing this sense of safety or protection, it is yourself.  You have always had this power, but have been conditioned to believe otherwise. As you take back your own power through this practice, you are saving yourself, and coming to understand that the only person that ever needed saving was you and that you are the only one who can truly save you.  No longer will you be compelled to seek outside of yourself for someone to save you as you have saved yourself.

Patriarchal conditioning is partly to blame for our search for both an outside savior, and for the belief that it is our task or duty to save or fix others.

In this 6-week LIVE online course, you will learn to identify the patriarchal conditioning that continues to imprison you and learn how to undo this conditioning so that you might know a sense of inner peace and empowerment.

Learn more HERE.