You are a precious child of God/Love, of this there can be no doubt. And yet, life often wears us down to the point where we forget this critical truth.

Worn down is exactly where I have been as I’ve watched the work of thirty years die on the vine. All of that by which I had come to define myself seems to have come to an end. My children are grown up and out of the house. The books I had in me are out in the world. My burst of artistic creativity in the form of spiritual icons seems to have lost its fire. My remaining clients and students are few. It’s not enough to sustain me financially so I’ve been forced to “get a real job.” It’s a good “real job,” but it’s only part time and still not enough (just barely covers my rent and a few of my regular bills).

Life is strange when you’re fifty-eight and you find there’s nothing left in your hands. It’s even stranger when well-meaning friends, relatives, and even strangers try to offer encouragement, support and things you could “do” to drum up more business.

Sigh. I feel like I’ve done all that. I have no more efforting in me. The desire to hustle for my business died long ago and the thought of creating marketing materials to target a whole new audience exhausts me beyond exhaustion.

I’m too old for this shit. Been there done that…..and what exactly do I have to show for all the darn efforting and for everything I sacrificed to pursue what I still believe is my calling. I have the gifts for it and people benefit from the sharing of my gifts. But still……

Yesterday well-meaning ideas were put before me and my whole body recoiled. I could feel my Soul entering panic mode and my mind started to shut down. Knowing my own discernment response, I excused myself from the gathering and acknowledged that there was something out of alignment for me with the suggestions. I brought this awareness into my sleep and welcomed it into my prayers this morning.

As it turned out, the Universe had a lot to say.

1. A FB post from a friend in which she said, “I no longer know who I am.” BOOM!  That hit me between the eyeballs!  Ditto sister!
2. Reading the Tao, words that remind my Soul of my truth:

Bend and you will be whole.

Keep empty and you will be filled.

Have little and you will gain.

3. Scripture randomly floating into my brain:

Don’t cast your pearls before swine. (MT 7:6)

4. And a reading from my Kali oracle deck:

Your path need not be one of endless effort.

All of these a reminder to know my worth, trusting and honoring what I know about myself and my own truth. I’m done casting my gifts to the wind and having them either blow back in my face, fall on the ground in front of me, or get blown away never to return. I know my worth and whatever the Universe has in store for this empty vessel that I’ve become will find its way to me for I am indeed a precious child of God/Love.