Author: Lauri Ann Lumby

Hating Our Bodies?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I’m not exactly sure when I started hating my body. I do know I didn’t always hate it. In fact, for a fair part of my childhood I didn’t give my body a second thought. It just was. It wore clothes. It gave me movement. It housed my organs and my mind and in some invisible place, my soul.

I’m guessing the hatred started somewhere between puberty and girls suddenly getting separated into categories of pretty (ie: popular) or smart.  Apparently if you were smart you couldn’t be pretty, even if you were.  As such, smart = unpopular – which mostly meant boys didn’t like you so neither did the pretty girls. (I still don’t consider myself attractive even though many have insisted otherwise). Ugh!

I’m guessing it started there. From that point forward, I learned to idealize thin, and came up with the idea that 113 pounds on my 5 foot seven frame was my goal. For many years, 113 was no problem.  I ate what I wanted. I didn’t concern myself with exercise. I just naturally stayed somewhere between 113 and 115 pounds. Then things began to change and my frustration with my body’s refusal to comply with my wishes turned to hatred. In a subconscious attempt to reinforce this self-hatred, I made sure to only date men who were equally, if not more, obsessed with emaciated women. Now I had two voices in my head shaming me for eating or daring to have flesh on my bones.

Tens of years, two children, chronic illness, menopause, medication, and tens of pounds later, I still despise my body. What’s most ironic about the hatred now is that I’m finally the size and shape I always imagined myself to be even when I weighed a really unhealthy 113. The weight I carry now is not for lack of healthy exercise or because of poor food choices. In fact, I’m not sure my food choices could be any better. I am aware, however, of the complete lack of enjoyment in eating, and all that I deprive myself of enjoying because “it might make me even more fat!”  UGH! I also know that by 99% of the population’s standards, I am nowhere near fat, but I think I am, and that’s all that matters.

And I know I’m not alone. I despise our culture for what it has done to women in causing us to hate our bodies. It would be easy to cast a finger of blame at the media, fashion magazines, TV, and movies. They’re an easy target. Another less obvious target: The American Medical system. We’re all familiar!  At every doctor visit we’re weighed and measured, asked how we eat, and how often we exercise. Then our blood is tested for anything that might indicate early death from heart disease from being too FAT. I’m not eschewing good health, but who is it that is determining what is healthy and what is not? You got it – white American men who have been conditioned by the same “stay thin” mentality as we have.  ☹

But what if we’re not fat? Better yet, why does it matter?  Some of the most attractive women I know have abundant curves. Right off the bat I think of actress and model Liris Crosse and clothing designer Kenya Freeman. Beautiful, curvy, healthy women who are enjoying life and loving themselves. I want to love myself like they seemingly do.

Don’t we all?  What would happen if we really started loving ourselves? Loving our bodies exactly how they are without having to squeeze, starve, manipulate, torture, botox our bodies into some idealized form that isn’t even real. 113 was only healthy for me when I was a pre-pubescent teen. As a post-menopausal woman of 58, despite what our culture and even our medical system want to tell me, my current weight must be the right one for me because I’m doing all the right things. This is simply where my body wants to be. Not to mention, a few extra pounds after menopause is actually a good thing as it is in fat that estrogen is stored which we desperately need to keep our bones healthy and strong.

I know this all in my head but that doesn’t change the unhealed wounds or the voice in my head that continues to shame me for being “fat” and which is constantly chastising me for not being thin. It’s a constant voice in my head.

This is where I turn to my spiritual practice and the Authentic Freedom protocol I developed for healing these inner wounds. For the next thirty days, I am committing myself to a “Loving my Body” practice.  Perhaps, you would like to join me.

Image Credit: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen, CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

When You Can’t Help Them

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

One of the deepest griefs is when we realize that no matter our efforts or good intentions, we cannot help those who don’t want to be helped or who have no desire to change.

No matter the gifts we have or how another’s life might benefit from those gifts, even when they ask to partake of our gifts, if they’re unwilling to apply these gifts, they will remain in whatever state of misery they’ve gathering around themselves.

I remember someone once asking for my guidance and support on a particular matter. Knowing my guidance wouldn’t sway them, I said no. They begged and pleaded, and I kept saying no, duly warning them, “You’re not going to like what I have to say.” They insisted, while promising they trusted me and took great stock in my wisdom. Finally I gave them what they asked for. They haven’t spoken to me since.

Another time, I knew a certain relationship would fail. This time I held my tongue. What business was it of mine who someone decides to marry? Instead, I waited and watched – all the time recognizing the confirmation of what I already knew. When the end I always knew was coming finally arrived, in a moment of what I thought might be support, I shared what I had always known – that the relationship would fail. They also haven’t spoken to me since.

Even when people insist they want our gifts, they do not. Not unless they are the kind of person who truly wants to grow and who is able and willing to be radically accountable to their wounds while acknowledging the reason why they have clung to them so strongly. Only then might our gifts be of help. Otherwise, we cannot help them.

Know Your Worth

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

You are a precious child of God/Love, of this there can be no doubt. And yet, life often wears us down to the point where we forget this critical truth.

Worn down is exactly where I have been as I’ve watched the work of thirty years die on the vine. All of that by which I had come to define myself seems to have come to an end. My children are grown up and out of the house. The books I had in me are out in the world. My burst of artistic creativity in the form of spiritual icons seems to have lost its fire. My remaining clients and students are few. It’s not enough to sustain me financially so I’ve been forced to “get a real job.” It’s a good “real job,” but it’s only part time and still not enough (just barely covers my rent and a few of my regular bills).

Life is strange when you’re fifty-eight and you find there’s nothing left in your hands. It’s even stranger when well-meaning friends, relatives, and even strangers try to offer encouragement, support and things you could “do” to drum up more business.

Sigh. I feel like I’ve done all that. I have no more efforting in me. The desire to hustle for my business died long ago and the thought of creating marketing materials to target a whole new audience exhausts me beyond exhaustion.

I’m too old for this shit. Been there done that…..and what exactly do I have to show for all the darn efforting and for everything I sacrificed to pursue what I still believe is my calling. I have the gifts for it and people benefit from the sharing of my gifts. But still……

Yesterday well-meaning ideas were put before me and my whole body recoiled. I could feel my Soul entering panic mode and my mind started to shut down. Knowing my own discernment response, I excused myself from the gathering and acknowledged that there was something out of alignment for me with the suggestions. I brought this awareness into my sleep and welcomed it into my prayers this morning.

As it turned out, the Universe had a lot to say.

  1. A FB post from a friend in which she said, “I no longer know who I am.” BOOM!  That hit me between the eyeballs!  Ditto sister!
  2. Reading the Tao, words that remind my Soul of my truth:

Bend and you will be whole.

Keep empty and you will be filled.

Have little and you will gain.

3. Scripture randomly floating into my brain:

Don’t cast your pearls before swine. (MT 7:6)

4. And a reading from my Kali oracle deck:

Your path need not be one of endless effort.

All of these a reminder to know my worth, trusting and honoring what I know about myself and my own truth. I’m done casting my gifts to the wind and having them either blow back in my face, fall on the ground in front of me, or get blown away never to return. I know my worth and whatever the Universe has in store for this empty vessel that I’ve become will find its way to me for I am indeed a precious child of God/Love.   

Surprised I Talk About Jesus?

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People are often surprised to hear me talk about Jesus and even more surprised to learn that I teach about him. Actually, I don’t teach about Jesus, my teaching models his.

The Jesus I know may not be the same as the one you were taught about or the one whose teachings were twisted to fit the agenda of the patriarchal, hierarchical institution you belong to or were raised in.

The Jesus I know is Love – pure and simple.  Love. In this Love there is no room for discrimination, bigotry, ignorance, or hatred. The Love that Jesus embodied does not judge, but treats each human being with dignity and respect, celebrating their unique giftedness and diversity while mindful of the woundedness they may carry. The Jesus I know embodied compassion and understanding, listened deeply, hearing the truth beyond the words, and seeing the truth beyond the illusion. This Jesus never sought to start a new religion, only to remind his own Jewish brothers and sisters of the Love that dwelled within them and of the Unity that existed beyond the division of religious dogma – the Truth their ancestors once knew but quickly forgot.

The Jesus I know is the Jesus before men hungry for power appropriated his name for their own political gain. The Jesus before politicians used his name to justify genocide. The Jesus before a Church was built in his name that then went on to commit horrors against those who refused to give up their own beliefs for a god made in Rome’s image, against innocent children, and against women and men who through the wisdom of nature and their ancestors had the power to help and heal.  The Jesus before pulpit preachers attributed Jesus to their own fear-based message of hellfire and brimstone through which they could then exact pounds of flesh or coffers of coins from those willing to be manipulated by their words.

My Jesus is not Joel Olsteen’s Jesus, neither is he the Jesus used by the Church in which I was raised to claim themselves to be “the one true Church.” The Jesus I know didn’t die for our sins, but instead, died for the sake of the Truth of Oneness that he was called to teach (which in a way is dying for our sins). The Jesus I know came to heal the sick, liberate those imprisoned by their own unhealed wounds and conditioned fears.  He came to open the eyes of those who refuse to see and the ears of those who prefer to turn a deaf ear to Love.

This is the Jesus I have come to know and if I speak of his name, this is the Jesus about whom I speak.

Oh yeah…..and the Jesus I know isn’t white.

Just Trying to Survive the Apocalypse

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

There’s a meme that’s been making its way around social media that speaks volumes to where many of us are finding ourselves at this point in our apocalyptic journey.  The meme goes like this:

For real though!  This is exactly what it’s come down to. As the world around us is imploding upon itself, we have two choices – get destroyed by the implosion or find a way to survive. Not really by my own choice, it seems I’m trying to survive! I know many of you might say the same. It’s not that we want to die, it’s that we don’t want to live in the world as it is and where it seems to be going. Not ones to go down with a sinking ship, we’re either swimming as fast as we can, or more likely, just treading water as we’ve used up every last resource trying to change an unchangeable tide. Or even more likely, no longer treading water even, just hanging out in survival float (dead man’s float) while we watch the whole world around us losing its damn mind.

The world in which is are living is insane. I don’t need to list all the symptoms of this insanity. All we have to do is turn to the news headlines and listen for the truth beyond the words. The house of cards that became the so-called “United States of America” (ie, new Roman Empire) is in full-fledged collapse, as is every other institution built on fear, power, oppression, and control. When the highest court in the land is shown to be corrupt at its core and its judgements bought and paid for, we know we are nearing the end.

Whether we are clinging to what we have known and continuing to believe the lies we’ve been told or praying for a hasty death so we can get on with building something new, we are experiencing the pain of an empire in its collapse. For me, two symptoms of that pain have been the wholesale collapse of a 30-year mission, and a cost of living increase from an over-inflated rental housing market (in a town with a median annual income of $30,000, apartments should not be $1500 – $3500 per month!). Even with the “family discount,” my rental costs are more than 50% of my income (on a good day!).

I’m not alone in this. Everyone but the 1% are suffering. (Even the 1% would admit they’re suffering if they were paying attention for what is coming for them!  Soon it will be more than just orcas. Mother Nature is clear – She’s had enough!).

In the face of impending collapse, there is really nothing we can do but wait and watch. It will do us no good to try to reform the existing systems or hope they will finally see the light of day and reform themselves. The system itself was built on shaky ground with questionable motives. In this I’m reminded of a line from a song: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” Perhaps this is the final lesson of the American experiment – only after losing everything will we finally come to know freedom.

Magdalene Priestess Training on a Budget

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Over the past many years that I have offered the online Magdalene Priestess Training, I have learned that not all participants have been utilizing (for a wide range of reasons) the one-on-one mentoring sessions that accompany the training. With this in mind, and with a view toward making this training more accessible for people on a budget, I have created the Magdalene Priestess Training on a Budget. The same 50+ weeks of course content but without the one-on-one’s. To insure the integrity of the training, I will continue to be available through the online course discussion and via email.  

Please click HERE
to learn more and see if the training is for you!

Jesus Never Promised Utopia

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Jesus NEVER spoke about or promised utopia.  He never said that heaven would be brought to earth.  He never promised the golden age in which there would be peace on earth and that humans would live in peace.  In fact, he said quite the opposite, “there will always be poor among you,” “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.”  Not once did he bother himself with the politics of humanity.  He never challenged or even mentioned the Roman rulers of the culture in which he lived.  And if he did bother himself with religion, it was to remind the religious leaders of the love that was at the core of their beliefs.  No, Jesus did not promise peace on earth and good will toward men and he did not work to make the world anew.  Instead, he made one promise, and one promise only:

The kingdom of God is within you.

THIS was the good news that Jesus preached – that the kingdom of God – the experience of peace, love, joy, harmony and contentment is right here, right now, when we take the time to go within and remember.  Jesus then demonstrated how remembering this truth of our original nature, brings forth all kinds of miracles in our lives.  In and through this connection, we come to know ourselves, we come to know our unique giftedness and we come to understand and then become empowered in how we are called to use these gifts for the sake of our own fulfillment and in service to others.

As Jesus taught his disciples, achieving this peace is an inside job and has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on in the outside world.  Nothing.  As Jesus himself demonstrated, we can be experiencing the most unspeakable form of torture (death on a cross) and still find this peace. 

Jesus taught his disciples how to remember the kingdom of God that was already there within them.  The word Jesus used to remind them of how to access this peace has been translated repent.  In the original Greek, however, this word has nothing to do with sin or punishment.  Metanoia (repent), means turning again and again and again and again to the place within where we know love, peace and joy, that which some might call God.  Period.  It is as simple as that. 

When the world out there disturbs us and causes us to fear, turn within.  When we are distracted by the events of the world that speak of violent, hatred, suffering, war, turn within.  When someone betrays us or breaks our heart, turn within.  When we experience loss, disappointment, condemnation, ridicule, turn within.  HERE is where utopia lies – not in some time or place light years away, not in some perfect alignment of the stars or when we finally think the right thoughts.  Heaven on earth is right here in the core of who we are when we take Jesus’ advice and remember. 

Independence??? Day

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

Why I Can No Longer Celebrate Independence Day

On July 4th, we commemorate the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the day when the US citizens declared their freedom from British rule.  For the past 247 years, we have celebrated this as the day of our “freedom” and have marked this day with fireworks, parades, carnivals, and backyard parties. We have celebrated July 4th as if we truly are free and as if the freedoms meant for some mean freedom for all. 

But the sad truth of history is that the freedoms declared in the Declaration of Independence and later set forth in our Constitution, were only intended for a few.  From day one of our nation, women and people of color were not given the same freedoms as the men who demanded them.  While some of this has changed in the past 247 years, and the freedoms given to U.S. citizens have expanded to include women (in some cases) and people of color (in fewer cases), there are still citizens of our nation and those who are seeking the freedoms we seem to guarantee who are not and may never be free.

Until the freedoms the United States seems to espouse are guaranteed and protected for all, I will not and cannot celebrate Independence Day.

Until the rights of some become the rights for all, we are not truly free!

  • Until women can walk the street without fear of being raped, we are not free.
  • Until black men can leave a place of business without being murdered, we are not free.
  • Until we have eliminated homelessness and hunger in our nation, we are not free.
  • Until a quality education is guaranteed and funded for all, we are not free.
  • Until access to medical care is guaranteed and isn’t a financial burden on those who are already struggling, we are not free.
  • Until women and children can feel safe in their homes, we are not free.
  • Until the justice system is fair and equitable, we are not free.
  • Until reform over incarceration becomes the norm, we are not free.
  • Until obstacles to voting are eliminated, we are not free.
  • Until we come up with REAL solutions to poverty, we are not free.
  • Until government corruption is eliminated, we are not free.
  • Until people can seek freedom in our nation without fear of reprisal, we are not free.
  • Until diversity is not only honored but celebrated, we are not free.
  • Until racism, police brutality, sexism, genderism, and religious intolerance are eliminated from our nation, we are not free.

For centuries, our nation has touted the glories of freedom, in a nation where millions are not truly free.  Until all are truly free, I will not be celebrating Independence Day.  Instead, I will be setting this day aside for prayer and for advocating on behalf of those who are not yet free.

50% off Select Magdalene Courses

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July is the month of the Magdalene! In honor of one of my most preeminent and beloved teachers and guides, I will be offering special content, class discounts, and a special event on her Feast Day of July 22nd. Please watch this email, the “musings” tab on my website (subscribe for free), and social media for all the Magdalene offerings.

In particular, I am offering:

50% off select Magdalene courses!

The courses are listed below, along with coupon code.

Thank you for giving honor to the Magdalene with me and celebrating her special month!

With love,
Lauri Ann Lumby, OM, OPM, MATP
High Priestess of the Magdalene

Click on images below for full course details.

At check out use coupon code

JULY2023

to get 50% off the regular price.

God is Love. Love is God.

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God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in them.  In this is love brought to perfection among us… There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.  We love because God first loved us.  1 John 4: 16-19

God is Love.

Love is God.

This is the heart of Jesus’ message as it was understood by the author of the epistle attributed to John. To me, this is the single most important teaching of anything Jesus spoke or was quoted as saying, and truly all we really need to know.

God is Love, therefore Love is God.

Understanding this truth makes everything so simple. No longer do we have to argue over what Jesus meant. Neither do we have to question the inherent contradictions of scripture, or stand in conflict over matters of doctrine. With LOVE as the lens, everything becomes clear. If it reflects Love, it is of God. If it reflects anything other than Love, it is either man-made, or needs to be contemplated more deeply.

The second teaching of Jesus is that we are ONE with the Love that is God. We are not separate from that Love. It is only our conditioning and the reality of the human experience that causes us to feel separated from God or that God might separate Godself from us. Feeling separate from this Love is what causes us to feel unloved and to act in non-loving ways. Jesus shows us the way to remember that Love that is our true origin and original nature. He then proves that as we remember that Love we are healed of the false perception of separation. The more we remember Love, the more we live as Love and treat each other in loving ways.

The message and teachings of Jesus really are this simple. It’s only human beings that make it complicated.

God is Love.

Love is God.

Our Original Nature is Love.

Remember this Love.

Be that Love – in all ways, all the time, toward everyone.

This is the truth that Jesus taught.  This is the truth that sets us free. Nothing else really matters.