Author: Lauri Ann Lumby

The Silencing of Freedom-Speaking Women

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Have you noticed how a priest has an automatic platform for his voice? Through no gift of his own or his own message to give, he goes to school for a few years and viola, he gets to stand before tens, if not thousands, and they listen to him. His message might be shit, or his words the same old sermon they’ve heard a million times, but still they listen. The priest did nothing to deserve this, and nothing to earn it.  He simply gets a platform from which to speak simply by virtue of his collar, and the penis that got him there.

Not so for women. Not so. Instead, there is no place for our voice or our own message except that which we’ve wrestled for ourselves – in back alleys, in dark corners of coffee shops or bars, between bookstore and library shelves where the women’s literature hides. A hasty, hushed whisper is all we’re allowed while priests gather flocks through no merit of their own.

Were it not for the vagina, I might have been a priest. Thank Goddess The Mother knew better. My skin crawls over the harm priests have caused – those who are men, and more recently those with breasts who also strive to wear the collar. Only slaves wear collars. In the case of the Church, slaves that seek to enslave.  No Thank You!

How can one preach freedom within an institution that enslaves? You can’t! This is why freedom-speaking women are rarely given a stage – especially those who point out the hypocrisy of those who tell freedom lies. The Institution’s response instead, is to silence these women.

The Church doesn’t want us to be free.

And yet, we persist. Speaking of love and the promise of freedom til the very day we die, even if all who ever hear us are the desert’s grains of sand.

What is Self-Actualization?

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Self-actualization is the purpose of the human experience.  It is for the purpose of becoming self-actualized that we are here.  Self-actualization is the origin of and the fulfillment of our every longing and desire. We are here for no other purpose than to fulfill this longing.

The drive to become self-actualized moves beyond our survival instincts, yet it is no less critical.  It is the longing to find the answer to three basic questions:

  • Who am I?
  • Whose am I?
  • What are my gifts and how am I called to use them?

Who am I?

Self-knowledge is the foundational search in the drive and journey toward self-actualization.  We long to know who we are – who we really are.  Who are we beyond the societal conditioning, tribal rules, the girl code and the man code that have attempted to define us?  What are our interests, our personal needs and desires?  How do we wish to move about this world?  The Who Am I question encompasses every aspect of who we are – our personality, temperament, what gives us joy, pleasure, fulfillment? What triggers fear in me or insecurity?  What are my wounds?  What are the things about which I am ashamed?  What in me is in need of healing?  The process of finding out who we are includes naming and claiming every hurt, betrayal, condemnation, criticism, etc. that has covered up our real and true self and healing them so that our true self can emerge. 

Whose am I?

This question encompasses a broad range of meanings.  For some, this is the “God” question.  What do we believe in?  Are we aware of a source (seemingly) outside of us that is there as a guide, companion, counselor, healing, teacher, helper, source of comfort and support?  What do we believe about this Source (more importantly, what resonates as truth for us relevant to this Source)?  For many, the “God” they come to believe in through the process of self-actualization is far different from the God they were taught to believe in.  This is a good thing.  Self-Actualization leads us out and away from our conditioning to our own set of beliefs. 

“Whose am I” is also a question about belonging.  As human beings, we thrive in community and it is important to have a circle of people who love and support us in our journey of inner growth and development.  Who is your tribe?  In the process of self-actualization the tribe you began with will likely differ greatly from the one you eventually claim as your own.  Again, this is a good thing.  As we move toward self-actualization, we release the relationships that are no longer life giving and replace them with deeply intimate and meaningful partnerships with those we know will always have our back.

What are my gifts and how am I called to use them?

Each and every one of us are uniquely gifted to find meaning and purpose in our life and are driven to share these gifts for the sake of our own fulfillment and in service to the betterment of the world.  EVERY ONE OF US!  No one is exempt from this.  Our journey toward self-actualization sets us on the course to discovering, cultivating, nurturing and eventually sharing our gifts.  Whether we are gifted as a teacher, artist, counselor, salesperson, craftsperson, healer, comforter, helper, administrator, strategist, trouble shooter, advocate, peacemaker, entertainer, performer, listener, observer, reformer, prophet, mercy giver, servant of the poor, or one who has been gifted with the need to be the recipient of these gifts, we all have something to offer.  Sometimes our greatest gifts are wrapped up in our brokenness.  It is often through what we consider as our greatest weaknesses that we are best able to serve.  The journey toward self-actualization takes us through the path of discerning our gifts and supports us in finding ways to share them.

Why do we care?

While the drive to become self-actualized is universal, very few ever attain the fulfillment of this drive.  In order to become self-actualized, we have to awaken to the voice of our truest self while silencing the cacophony of voices that come to us from every direction except from the direction of our truth. We have to let go of familiar ways of being so that we might embrace the new life that self-actualization brings.  We have to take lots of risks, including the risk of rejection.  BUT…….if we do not heed the longing of our soul to become self-actualized, we will never find satisfaction in this life.  We will forever be stranded in our current state of suffering, always longing and hungering for something more, seeking temporary satisfaction in things outside of us – like other people’s approval, possessions, fame, power and control, and yet never finding the fulfillment that we are actually seeking which can only come from within. 

Full Year Program Supporting Self-Actualization

What is Spiritual Counseling?

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  • Who am I? 
  • How do I connect with and comprehend the presence and action of the Divine in my life? 
  • What are my gifts and how am I being called to engage in them for the sake of my own fulfillment and share them for the sake of the betterment of our world? 

These are the questions that find their answers through the sacred ministry of Spiritual Counseling/Spiritual Direction – perhaps the most ancient form of life coaching.  Since the advent of human consciousness, we have sought the answers to our life questions, often through the elders and “holy people” of our respective spiritual traditions.  The Guru’s of India, the Rabbi’s of Judaism, the monks of Buddhism, the Shaman of indigenous tribes, and the men and women religious of Christianity represent merely the tip of the iceberg of those that have served as companion and guide on our spiritual journeys.  These “wisdom teachers” have served as witness to the truths that we already know, holding up the mirror for us to see what we are perhaps unable or unwilling to see for ourselves.   This style of Spiritual Counseling often required years upon years of training and required the seeker to travel great distances to obtain the answers to the questions of their heart.

Another form of Spiritual Counseling is that which comes through what the Irish would call “Anam Cara” – soul friend.  A soul friend is an intimate and trusted friend who is able to journey with us from a place of truth, acceptance and courageous honesty.  These are the intimate friendships that provide a vessel in which we can be our truest selves and, in the process, discover our deeper truths.  In the Anam Cara relationship, we are able to help each other name our respective “demons” and work together to find the tools to give them release.  Sometimes, the role of Anam Cara is to simply be with each other in our grief, sorrow, struggles and fears.  The role of Anam Cara requires no training or previous experience.  It simply asks us to be present and to hold each other in love.

The third form of Spiritual Counseling/Spiritual Direction, and the form that I practice professionally, lands somewhere between Anam Cara and Wisdom Teacher.  In this form of Spiritual Counseling, my role is to journey with my clients as they seek the answers to the deepest questions of their heart.  Clients are empowered to discover their truth and to find the tools through which they are able to openly give their truth its expression.  As such, Spiritual Counseling becomes a journey of discovery and a vehicle for healing; for it is often our inner wounds that prevent us from hearing and giving voice to the truths that are locked deep inside of us. 

That which is brought to Spiritual Counseling encompasses the vast and varied territories of our everyday existence – relationships, jobs, passions and hobbies, parenting, life transitions, losses and grieving, our physical wellness (or lack thereof), our emotional wellbeing, and last but not least, our spiritual journeys. 

Spiritual Counseling can look a lot like traditional talk-therapy, and there are two primary differences.  In talk therapy, the goal is often behavior modification.  Spiritual Counseling goes beyond behavior modification to discover the deeper spiritual wound that created the unhealthy behavior in the first place.  Once this wound is uncovered, Spiritual Counseling offers effective tools through which this wound can now be healed.  The tools through which these wounds are healed are intimately connected with our relationship to our Divine Source.  This connection with the God of our understanding is the other factor that sets Spiritual Counseling apart.  This relationship with God becomes the ground upon which authentic healing work can now be accomplished.  As such, it is often in discovering and cultivating this relationship where the work of Spiritual Counseling begins.  

Having participated in both sides of the Spiritual Counseling relationship, I can attest to the power of this form of life coaching.  Thanks to my own Spiritual Counselor, I have gained access to the deepest truths of my being, while finding release from the fears that have prevented me from sharing these truths in the world.  In my own role of Spiritual Counselor, I have witnessed healing, transformation and emerging truth for the clients with whom I have had the privilege to companion.  Those who have been honest and diligent in the process have found the answers to the questions of their heart and have been empowered to freely and openly live their truth in the world. 

In the end, the goal of Spiritual Counseling may be summarized by this quote from one of my favorite wisdom teachers: “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free!” (John 8: 32)

Book an Appointment Now!

Spiritual Counseling with Lauri Ann Lumby includes:

  • Personality, Temperament, and Gifts Assessments.
  • Exploration of the Soul’s calling.
  • Uncovering and transforming the obstacles to living out that calling through a variety of mindfulness, creativity, and shamanic practices including Lauri’s trademarked Authentic Freedom™ protocol.
  • Depth work – identifying ungrieved losses, unhealed wounds, past traumas, ancestral trauma, and learning shamanic practices for transforming and releasing them.
  • Shadow work – uncovering the unintegrated and often rejected parts of self and bringing them into wholeness.
  • Ongoing support.

Tearing Down the Walls of Blame and Shame

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Prayers for a Humanity That Cannot See

I pray for a humanity that cannot see.

Lifetimes pursuing a pointless dream.

If I shout it from the rooftops or scream into the void

they’ll finally seek no more to destroy.

Lay down their arms, their fingers of blame,

tear down the walls of ignorance and shame.

Cross the divide and take down the towers

of those to whom they’ve given their power.

But alas I find they don’t want to fix.

Choosing life over death – the puppetmaster’s trick.

Heartbreaking and tragic the decision they’ve made

I watch as together they dig their own grave.

Like the death-watch beetle I speak forth their doom –

No longer later, it’s coming quite soon.

Shifting my gaze from repair to surrender

visions of new I now can remember.

The seeds have been planted, builders coming through

it’s the new world that beckons to those who see true.

Poetry Collections by Lauri Ann Lumby

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Unleashing Your Light

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We will never truly be free until we confront our shadow.  The shadow is all of the parts of ourselves that have not been fully integrated: 

  • Everything we have denied.
  • Everything we suppress.
  • Everything we repress.
  • All the parts of ourselves we judge as negative so we hide them away from the world.
  • Our unacknowledged fears.
  • Our unhealed wounds.
  • The parts of our nature, personality or temperament that we reject.
  • The parts of ourselves we hide as they are judged as unworthy by our society.

The challenge with the shadow is that (as the Buddhists say), “What we resist will persist.”  Hiding, ignoring, denying, imprisoning, bargaining away these parts of ourselves actually does the opposite.  Instead of staying hidden, these parts of ourselves come out sideways – often in non-loving behaviors toward ourselves or others. 

If we do not confront our shadow and do the difficult work of bringing it to the light so that it can be healed, transformed and re-integrated, then we will never be free.  Without doing our shadow work, we will be forever condemned to “a life of quiet desperation” and our lives will amount to nothing because until we are free we will never know peace.

But herein lays the challenge.  Few are willing to stand toe to toe with their own inner demons and even fewer have the courage to keep standing there until all their wounds are healed and they are truly free.  Instead, they would rather avoid the shadow work while chasing after shiny objects – the illusion of achievement, success, money, power, and fame.  In the meantime, their shadow is coming out sideways, hurting themselves and all the people around them.  In the end, what they resist will be their demise.

Courses for Unleashing Your Light

Stop Hiding Your Magic!

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Each and every one of us is uniquely gifted to be a vessel through which the Divine is revealed in our world.  Some are gifted with the magic of teaching, others with healing, others with prophecy, support, guidance, compassion, mercy, humility, discernment, service, etc.  (In the Catholic Church is which I was raised, these gifts are known as charisms – gifts of the Holy Spirit.)  As part of our birthright, each and every one of us was imbued with some special magic. 

When engaged with this magic, in service to the betterment of the world, and in service to the Divine who seeks to live through us and be known through us, miracles happen.  Miracles happen because it is not we who are doing the magic; it is the Divine working through us.  It is through these unique gifts that the Divine plan of Love is made real on this plane and through which we have the opportunity to co-create heaven on earth. 

The problem is that early on, most of us learned that the world in which we were living was not a safe place for us to acknowledge, recognize, or share our magic.  We learn this when somewhere along the line, we dared to share a glimpse of our magic, and someone condemned us for it, made fun of us for it, we are told we were crazy because of it, or that our magic is the “work of the devil.”  As a result, our magic got hidden away. 

We hide our magic because the world is afraid of our gifts.  Our magic can’t be contained, defined, or even explained.  It doesn’t fit into the tiny little box humanity has crafted for itself.  It is for the sake of trying to fit into this too-small world that we hide our magic away. 

Without our magic, however, we are condemned to live a life of quiet desperation, forever longing for that which cannot be named. We look outside of ourselves for the satisfaction to this longing (shopping, food, drugs, alcohol, sex, TV, gambling, etc. etc. etc.), and find nothing but fleeting moments of “satisfaction” that ultimately leave us longing for more.  We suffer depression, anxiety, panic attacks, chronic pain, and unexplainable illnesses. This is the price of hiding our magic.  We might fit into the too- small world, but we find no joy in doing so. 

Even when we hide our magic, we still don’t fit in, because our magic can never be fully hidden.  Our magic leaks out of the corners of our being and no matter how hard we try, others know we are different.  We are thought of as strange, weird, or simply unconventional.  People grow uncomfortable in our presence and for no fault of our own they try to stay clear of us.  Our magic, even when we are hiding it, wakes people up….and some people do not want to be awakened.  Our magic, even when we think we have it contained, triggers other people’s unhealed wounds and unacknowledged fears.  They are then sure we are to blame and they project their wounds upon us.  This is the price of our magic – whether we hide it or not; but this is why we were given our magic in the first place.

We were given our magic for the sake of turning the world from fear into love.  We were gifted with our magic to serve the betterment of the world and the conscious evolution of the human race.  We were given our magic so that we might be healed and so that others might find healing through our presence and support.  We were gifted with our magic so that we might know love and all the world with us.

Don’t you think it’s time to stop hiding our Magic?????

Courses to help identify and then unleash your magic!

Reclaiming The Mother

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To say this week has been intense would be a profound understatement. This morning is the first in many days that I feel somewhat human. Based on reports from the field, I’m not the only one.

Collectively, we have been cast into the depths of the patriarchal wound. Patriarchal wounding began the day humanity set aside THE MOTHER in favor of the punitive father where both the Holy Feminine and Holy Masculine were deprived of their power in favor of the toxic human.

The toxic human seeks after power – no matter the cost. People of all genders are guilty of this toxicity and it is this toxicity that has caused the destruction of our planet and all the ‘isms known to humankind. Toxic humanity gains its power through fear, manipulation, guilt and shame. Toxic humanity will be the death of our species if we don’t do the work of transforming it.

Transformation of toxic humanity is exactly what many of us were cast into this past week. For many, this work of transformation began through our own triggering event – experiences that caused us to feel powerless, disappointed, despairing, devastated, or angry due to actions brought forth through another acting out the patriarchal paradigm. We can be assured that when our triggering results in an inner devastation (for example) that feels disproportionate to the event, that we are being invited to not only transmute this wound for ourselves, but for the collective.

In my own deep dive I found myself alternating between writhing in agony and raging at the injustice. Fortunately the Universe knew I would be called to this and sent me several significant supports. Most noteworthy was a deep encounter with THE MOTHER.

THE MOTHER is the source of all that is. She is the primordial Creatrix and how Source was recognized and honored before the patriarchy captured humanity’s devotion. The Mother is black, representing the VOID/DARKNESS out of which all creation emerges – The Mother’s womb, and black to represent the geographic seat of humanity’s origin. In the spiritual tradition of my primary teachers, The Mother is known as The Shekinah.

Reclaiming THE MOTHER is one of the ways in which we can restore humanity to its original nature as loving, caring, and peaceful creatures living in harmony with the earth and one another. Archaeology supports the idea of a time when humanity lived as one, and the common spirituality of the tribes who lived in this way, was recognition and honor of The Mother. The Mother predates humanity’s creation of hierarchical gods and goddesses along with all the religions that divide. SHE simply is.

I can’t describe exactly how this happened, but accepting and embracing The Mother has completely transformed my experience of The Divine. No longer is the patriarchal father whispering shame, guilt, or threats of punishment in my ears. Instead, I find myself resting in the comfortable abundance and safety of The Mother’s womb. Here I’m reminded that all our needs are being abundantly provided by The Mother, and there’s nothing we need to do to get those needs met. In the same way that it is true for a babe in its mother’s womb, the nourishment, support, love, protection, and peace we all need is simply given to us by virtue of our connection with Source and this nourishment and support comes unbidden and in exactly the way that we need it for our soul’s wellbeing.

Embracing The Mother supports the transformation of the patriarchal wound within us while creating a ripple effect that begins to transform the patriarchal wound within humanity. It’s not something we can make happen, however. The Mother will come to us in our own unique way and as we are ready to receive her. We can, however, prepare for her arrival by identifying the patriarchal wounds within us and begin the work of transmuting them so we can create room for The Mother’s appearance.

Courses in Support of The Mother

Beware the Toxic Feminine

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I might suggest that women have more to fear from other women then they do from men. Specifically, the threat about which I am referring is that which arises out of the toxic and/or patriarchally complicit woman.

The toxic patriarchal man is indeed a threat, but we know what we’re getting. The toxic masculine is easy to spot. They wear their violence like a badge of honor. Flexing their muscles. Waving their automatic weapons around. Proud of their objectification of women. Maintaining the adage, “spare the rod and spoil the child,” they treat everyone as inferior to them and worthy of their abuse.

The toxic feminine, in contrast, is sneaky and insidious. Talking sweet to your face. Hiding their true intentions. Making promises they never plan to keep. Fawning over and manipulating those who serve their cause. Feigning friendship and pretending trust when all they really want is to get you into their trap. Pretending confidence and strength when in truth they are jealous and insecure. These are the women who can’t stand to see other women succeed and who see all other women as competition.  These women pretend to be a source of support while undermining other women behind their back.

The toxic feminine is that which benefits from toxic masculinity and patriarchal culture. They thrive on what they “get” from being a woman of privilege and are happy to sell their souls for patriarchal attention. If another woman gets in their way, they will do everything in their power to destroy them. Politically, the toxic feminine are those who enthusiastically endorse the patriarchal, hierarchical, predominantly white status quo and who will viscously attack anything that challenges their position of perceived power. These are the women who willfully voted against the Equal Rights Amendment and who vote “Pro-Life” while eager to deny food, clothing, medical care, and shelter to those forced to give birth.

While the latter presents the extreme version of the toxic feminine, they are all a danger to the evolution of our society, and to women specifically. Beware of the Toxic Feminine

Healing the Patriarchal Wound

begins by reclaiming the Holy Feminine within us. Click on the images below to learn more and enroll in these Divine Feminine online master classes:

How the Ancestors Support Our Journey

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I want to thank you dear friend and former classmate, Diya Dannu for inviting me as a guest in her podcast, Mother’s Womb, Mother’s Milk. This is the first of a four-part series.

In this episode, we explore the following questions:

  • What do you understand self-actualization to be?
  • What was your process of self-actualization and how did your ancestral mothers contribute to this process?
  • Do you remember your dreams? Have they contributed to this journey?
  • What parts of your ancestry (geographical locations and cultural connections in addition to biology) have contributed?
  • Do any prehistoric figures (mythological) show up to be a guiding force?
  • Bring forth anything else you feel is relevant!

Learn more about Diya’s work:

Alaya A Dannu, MA (aka Diya Dannu) is completing her doctoral degree in Education Leadership for Change at Fielding University. Her topic of inquiry explores the transmission of ancestral memory across generations experienced through dreams, focusing on a re-emergent Mother Goddess tradition of her foremothers. She has written several essays on the subject matter, contributing to ezines and specialized platforms such as the blog for Feminism and Religion, Magoism, and DreamTime Magazine. Her three-year, three-month, and three-week ancestral pilgrimage which was crafted and revealed to her by her ancestors in her dreams, has served to reinforce the importance of knowing and honoring one’s origins, true identity, and purpose in life. She is a spiritual guide, creative artist, and sacred dancer. Her engagement with the creative arts is directly related to the images and teachings experienced in her dreams. She is also a member of the Diversity Advisory Committee of the International Association for the Study of Dreams, advocating for more awareness and inclusivity of BIPOC dreams and dreaming traditions within dream research and studies.

There Are No Shortcuts!

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On the journey toward self-realization, self-actualization, wholeness (whatever word you use for this), there are no shortcuts. And yet, I am continually confronted by those who refuse to do the work. 

  • They become bored and disinterested.
  • The work turns out to be “too hard.”
  • They are unwilling to let go of the things blocking their journey.
  • They bail out the first time their ego attachments are challenged.
  • They cling to their victimhood.
  • They give up the work in favor of shiny objects and false promises.
  • They think they can just think the right thoughts and become self-actualized.
  • They believe a gratitude practice alone will make them whole.
  • They believe they are already enlightened.
  • They think the journey ends with ascension.
  • They find every way to escape the real work by focusing on surface practices only.
  • When the journey doesn’t make them rich, bring them fame or glory, or bring the man/woman of their dreams, they become disinterested and walk away.

The journey of self-actualization has absolutely nothing to do with anything outside of us. It has everything to do with what is within. And it takes work.  HARD WORK. There are no shortcuts!

We cannot “Lala” our way to self-actualization. In fact, spiritual bypass guarantees the journey will fail. As the Buddhists say, “What we resist will persist.”  The more we resist the inherent drive to evolve and become whole, the more we will suffer because of it. The more we ignore the deep healing work that is required to become whole, the more we will suffer.  The more we ignore the inner obstacles to our freedom, the greater our suffering will be. This suffering, I have found, is more difficult than simply doing the work. We can suffer a life of quiet desperation, or uncover the inner peace, contentment, fulfillment, and joy that is inherent within us through the journey of self-realization.

The obstacles to self-actualization are many:

  • Unhealed wounds
  • Past conditioning
  • Ego-attachments
  • Trauma
  • Attachment to the status quo
  • Attachment to material/external results.
  • Anything we have suppressed or repressed.

The seven cardinal compulsions are all manifestations of these obstacles: pride, sloth, greed, envy, wrath, lust (for power), and gluttony.

The journey toward self-actualization invites us to remove these obstacles through deep processes of inner transformation and healing. With every obstacle that is removed, another aspect of our true nature becomes liberated, and we take another step toward the freedom of our original natures.

Jesus spoke of the difficulty of the journey toward self-actualization when he spoke of the narrow gate and the eye of the needle:

“Enter through the narrow gate, for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and those who find it are few in number.” Matthew 7: 13-14

 “Amen, I say to you, it will be difficult for one attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for someone who is attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 19: 23-24

There are no shortcuts! If we truly seek wholeness and the inner fulfillment that comes through the journey of self-actualization we must do the work! 

Supporting Your Journey of Self-Actualization:

Authentic Freedom is a protocol and practice developed by Lauri Ann Lumby which supports you in identifying and then healing the fears that have kept you imprisoned by your past wounding and cultural conditioning.

Through recorded lessons, reading, discussion, mindfulness and creativity practices, you will be given the tools to identify, heal and transform the fears that:

There is not enough.
You are insignificant and have nothing of value to offer the world.
You cannot live as our most authentic selves.
You are not loved (or that love has to be earned or can be taken away).
You are not free to express our truth.
You do not know the truth.
You are alone.

At the end of this course, you will have the tools to support you in the continued liberation from your fears and the conditioning that has placed them there.

Learn more HERE