Being an Empath

Guarding Our Power

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I’m inviting you to join me in a purposeful, reflective pause. STOP and closely examine all the places in your life where your energy and power are being drawn from you:

  • Places where you say yes when you want to say no.
  • Situations where you do things out of a sense of duty or obligation.
  • Relationships in which you feel called to help or fix another.
  • Experiences where you can see what would be best and want to offer your expertise.
  • Friends and family, clients and strangers who seek guidance but who habitually disregard that guidance.
  • Situations in which you assume your guidance is wanted but in fact was never requested.
  • Those to whom you run at their first call of distress, hoping to help or take away that distress.
  • Experiences where you continually hope and wish for things to change, but they never do.
  • Those who want more from you than you can actually give.
  • Those who seek your listening ear but do nothing to heal or transform the situation about which they complain.

I’m inviting you into this reflection because you are not alone in this. I am woefully guilty of falling into the trap of co-dependency where I believe not only is it my job to help others, but believing I actually can.

We cannot help others who are unwilling or incapable of helping themselves.  We cannot help those who don’t believe they need help. Every time we try, a hole is drilled into our soul and a piece of our power is drawn out. That power, then is no longer available for us to access, as it is held in the others hand. I call this entanglement. There are certain relationships and experiences in which we become so entangled we may not even see how much of our power we’ve given away.

Contrary to the way in which we have been conditioned (women especially), our power is not meant for others. Instead, our power is meant to serve the purpose of our soul – to know and be Love in the world. This Love is not co-dependent, seeking to help or heal others. Instead, Love is meant to provide an example that others might follow. In witnessing the Love that we are, they may ask us how we came to know that Love. We may share with them the tools that helped us get there, but we cannot do the work for them. The danger with this Love is that it is magnetic and many are drawn to that Love – not to understand how to achieve that themselves, but to draw a bit of it from us. Do not let them.

The power of Love that we are is a precious thing. It is what feeds and sustains us. It is what allows others to be awakened and to seek out that Love for themselves. This is the Love that Jesus spoke of and the Love that changes the world. This Love is not for us to give, but for others to find within themselves. We may provide inspiration, but we are not the source.

For those who have uncovered this Love within themselves, we know how hard the journey is to know that Love more fully. The power of this Love is ours to protect. Protecting that Love requires a reprogramming from what we have been taught about what it means to Love. Love isn’t doing harm to ourselves to care for another. Love is not doing for another what they should be doing for themselves. Love does not intrude on the journey of another, but allows people the freedom to live their lives, learning their own lessons and making their own mistakes.

For me, protecting the power of Love begins with identifying those places in my life where that power is being drawn from me through co-dependent entanglements. Next, it is my job to STOP participating in that entanglement. This is no easy task due to the trigger response that is engrained in so many of us to want to help another’s distress. In order to stop this response, I have had to learn the signals in my body that let me know my co-dependency has been triggered. For me, it is a feeling in my solar plexus (gut) or on my left shoulder of energy being drawn from me. I literally feel as if I have to run to the individual expressing distress. Instead of running, I STOP. I repeat a silent mantra (“it’s their shit not mine”) and then I STAY PUT. I cannot express the strength it takes in me to stay put and not run after the distress.  And I am not perfect in this practice. I repeatedly fail and continually find myself in entanglements. But I’m learning and I’m improving. Every day, I’m a little better at guarding my power and taking back that which I have given away.

Love is a journey and a process, and the work is never done but in the heart of this work is a great treasure.  As we free ourselves from co-dependent behaviors, we have access to more of our own inner power and the Love that dwells within us. We have no idea the miracles that can come about when fully embodying that Love!

Seeking Safety in a World Gone Mad

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

A couple side notes before I begin: 1) I realize my sense of feeling unsafe is NOTHING compared to those struggling to live in war zones or areas plagued by famine. 2) As a white, (somewhat) middle class American, by objective standards I’m safer than 90% of the people on the planet. 3) I have what I need to survive and for this I’m grateful. 4) This is for the empaths, who like me, get inexplicably panicky for no apparent reason except the state of our world. Now….I will proceed.

There’s a reason I don’t leave my home unless I absolutely have to. Yesterday I was reminded of this fact.

I was enjoying a cup of coffee at one of my normally safe places with dear friends. We were having a beautiful conversation when I noticed a white, older man, sitting alone at a table. He was wearing a MAGA hat (I have no problem with conservative values and “the party of Lincoln” Republicans…but this was something different). The hat, I could normally ignore. It was his t-shirt that I found disturbing. Across the front of his shirt was a message that said, “Traitors should be executed.” Below the message were portraits of President Biden, Vice President Harris, and Senator Ocasio-Cortez.  His shirt literally advocated for vigilante violence against these specific individuals!

Now here’s the deal – I saw him. I made note of his shirt. I could tell he was making other people nervous. I’m not sure if he was hoping to be confronted (in an obviously progressive setting) or just wanted to make a statement. He wasn’t there to do business as he was drinking from a single-serving bottle of wine he had stashed in his backpack. I didn’t have any specific feelings of fear, or even judgment of him. Instead, I felt sad.  I wondered what had happened to him in his life to cloak himself in such hate. Again, I didn’t really feel afraid, just sad.

That all changed as I left, however. As I walked out the door and to my car, I was suddenly overcome with panic. My heart started pounding, I felt dizzy and light headed. I could feel the edge of a panic attack. I got myself home, did some deep breathing, and eventually gave in and took a small dose of Lorazepam for anxiety.

Welcome to the life of an empath. Here I am, minding my own business, enjoying time with friends at my favorite place, not feeling a stitch of panic or anxiety of my own. But suddenly WHAM, I get blasted with what might have been my own delayed anxiety, but was definitely the anxiety of others, including that man. I was especially concerned for the employees of said-establishment who I could tell were nervous, and who could have potentially been targets for a certain kind of prejudice.

If you are an empath, you are familiar with these kinds of experiences. (I actually think all human beings are empathic – it’s just some who are acutely aware). Based on the SOS texts I’ve been getting and my own personal experiences, these empathic experiences are increasing in frequency, duration, and strength as we approach the US presidential election – and they’re only going to get worse.

I don’t like to entertain fear or wish to stir panic, but I suspect that there will be violence related to the election – no matter who wins. It may be sometime before a winner is declared. If it goes a certain way, the transfer of power is not likely to be peaceful.

In other words, we can expect a whole lot more anxiety before this is all over – our own, and that of anyone else who is paying attention. We are at a crossroads for our nation and crossroads are dangerous places where deals with the devil are made. Crossroads often inspire violence. Crossroads can be terrifying times.

It is for this reason, that for healers, light and shadow workers, starseeds, empaths, and anyone else who is here to be love in the world – our number one concern at this time is our own safety and the safety of those we care for the most. We each have our own tools – USE THEM.

  • Create a safe place for yourself.
  • Meditate and Pray.
  • Wrap yourself in protective prayers, amulets, oils, flower essences, colors, etc.
  • Invoke the archangels, your ancestors, your favorite deities.
  • Light candles.
  • Cleanse and smudge yourself and your space regularly.

And most of all – DO NOT engage. Don’t engage with hate. There is nothing we can do to convince another of anything they don’t want to believe. No amount of facts or data will change the mind of one constricted by racism, sexism, etc. Hate will continue to hate. Our task is instead, to be LOVE.

The truth is that in this election, things may not go the way we want. That bridge we’ll cross when we get there.  In the meantime, keep yourself safe.  Gather your loved ones close. Know who you can turn to if you find yourself overwhelmed by the fear and REACH OUT. If faced with hate, be and respond with love.

Waiting to Exhale

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

At the risk of becoming political, I must acknowledge the palpable collective energy of angst. For myself, this angst is presenting itself as a sense of caution along with a need to draw inward and sequester myself from the world, the news, other human beings, really any sort of engagement. When life requires that I do go out into the world, I feel the collective trepidation while also witnessing an increase in erratic and even violent behavior in my fellow human beings. Those who are empathic as I am have turned inward and become quiet. When speaking politically, it is in hushed, almost secretive tones. No one wants to utter the unthinkable. Everyone – no matter their political affiliation – seems to be afraid.

Beyond the outward symptoms related to politics and the current election cycle is the feeling of having been put on hold. I am not alone in this. For so many of us who have spent the last many years of our lives working for the betterment of our world, those missions have come to a halt. They have either run themselves out or come to a screeching halt. Inwardly, there is no motivation of inspiration left to drive our so-called missions. As one friend recently put it, “it feels like we are waiting in the wings to see what happens.”  EXACTLY! 

We are waiting. We’ve done what we could for ourselves and for humanity. As it relates to the election, we have cast our vote. Now we wait. We wait for the results and the fallout therein (my sense is that no matter the results, there will be a kind of fallout). We wait for our initial reaction to the results, then we will seek our hearts for an appropriate (preferably non-violent) response. Perhaps our response will be silence. Perhaps we will rage. We won’t know until we get there.  In the meantime, we are holding our breaths and hoping for the best.

My hope, no matter the outward result, is that LOVE and COMPASSION wins.

She Abides

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Several years ago, my youngest sister gifted me with a large wall-handing made of weathered wood and carved with a feather and the word abide. I had a sense of what abide meant, but I wanted to be sure, so I looked up the meaning. Merriam-Webster provided me with several options:

a: to bear patiently : tolerate

b: to endure without yielding : withstand

c: to wait for : await

Today, I find myself again reflecting on the word abide and it perfectly describes where I find myself at this stage of my personal journey, especially in relationship to the outside world.

Today, I abide. I sit in quiet observation of the unfolding of humanity’s journey – knowing there is nothing I can do to change that which I find intolerable – things like hatred, division, and all the various isms. I endure the horrors I watch unfolding while refusing to yield my inner peace to things outside of my control and turning to my inner practice when the violence and hatred becomes too much for my sensitive nature.  I wait in hope that this time, humanity will get it right, while knowing they may not, and preparing myself for the worst.

Being able to abide requires a certain measure of inner strength and wisdom. Wisdom wrought through years of seeking and failing to facilitate change in the tide of humanity’s fate. Strength gained through the multitude of rejections I have faced along the way. Humanity doesn’t care much for change-makers. The institutions who benefit from the status quo, welcome change-makers even less.

Abiding doesn’t mean I’m giving up my visionary gifts or the impulse to support the healing and transformation of humanity. Abiding simply recognizes that now may not be the time.

So, I wait. I wait and watch. I hold on to hope without clinging to expectations. I have stepped aside, providing space in which humanity can walk its journey without interference or distractions. I abide in the contentment and peace I have so diligently cultivated awaiting the moment my gifts might be welcome, knowing they may never be. I abide in the reminder that the only one I can save is myself while providing an example that others may one day choose for themselves – and that the choice is up to them.

It’s Not My Job to Save the World

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Before I dive into this reflection, I want to state that in no way, shape, or form, is this reflection definitive. Instead, it is part of an ongoing exploration of perceived mission, purpose, and calling. In this reflection, the central focus of the quandary is around what it means to be an empath and how we are, or are not, called to use this gift.

In the world of pop culture spirituality, the word empath has been increasingly tossed around. Some, including me, have jumped on the bandwagon, taking empath as a title, as well as a superpower, and in doing so, waving the banner of the special nature of this gift.

Is being an empath a superpower? Is it a gift Divinely imparted to those special few who are called to “hear the cries of the world,” who then employ their equally special gifts of healing to save the broken world?

Or is being an empath a defense mechanism that we developed so that we might carve out a safe place for ourselves in an otherwise violent world?

Ultimately, I believe the ability to feel the emotional state of those around us, along with the expanded sense of empathy that allows us to feel global phenomenon (like collective fear, approaching storms, pending earthquakes, solar flares, etc.) is a function of both nature and nurture. It seems to be true that some people are born with heightened sensitivities. There is also a strong argument for empathy as a developed skill born out of our own need to be safe.

Regarding the latter, further developing the empathic abilities that may have already been within me, has proved immeasurably helpful. It has given me the ability to sense danger, to read people’s emotions and intentions, to know when someone is a safe person to be around, and when one is pure evil. Being an empath has also helped me in interpersonal relationships – especially with those for whom I care, because it allows me to sense when they are upset, disturbed, angry, etc. which then allows for a healthy and helpful conversation. It allows me to intuitively know when someone might need support, but maybe doesn’t know how to ask.

There is a place for being an empath in my life that has shown itself to be healthy and helpful.

There is also a place where being an empath has gotten me in trouble.

We live in a culture (and I am of a gender) in which we are conditioned to be co-dependent. We are told it’s our job to make other people happy, to be a champion for the voiceless, to fight against injustice, and ultimately….to save the world. Being an empath without proper boundaries can feed this co-dependency, making us believe we are some sort of champion for the downtrodden, and savior of the world. The gift of empathy can further give us the feeling of being special or set apart from others, thereby feeding our ego and our pride.

Empathy is a gift, but it can also be a curse. For one thing, I’m not sure it’s safe or good for us to feeeeeeeel everything!  I know it’s not good for me. Feeling everyone’s feelings, every emotion, every intention, then heap on the collective fear and violence of our world, and I am bound to short circuit – which is exactly what I did last week. It became too much. My anxiety was off the charts. I felt like a cat full of static from having been brushed the wrong way. This short-circuiting caused me reach out to my doctor who authorized an increased dosage of my sertraline which has slowly eased my sense of being flayed.  I then took some time off to rest and reflect.

In the midst of this reflection, I was reminded that it is not my job to save anyone, let alone the world. Despite all I’d been taught and conditioned to believe, the only person I have the power of saving (and even this is debatable) is myself. I can’t change other people’s behaviors. I can’t change their beliefs. There is literally nothing I can do to rescue them from the trap they have created for themselves. My experience of being an empath does nothing to help those around me (except as I mention above), and my so-called healing powers will do nothing to solve the crisis in the Middle East, or to absolve the fear and unhealed wounds that would cause someone to inflict violence on another.

The only thing I can do with the sensitivities I have, the knowledge I’ve gathered, and the wisdom I’ve gained, is to:

  1. Care for myself.
  2. Be a source of support for others seeking to care for themselves.

Period. Other people’s crises are none of my business. Another’s pain is not mine to heal. I can do nothing to force evil to become good. I can’t change the direction of the tide. Humanity is on a course of its own making and there is not a single thing I can do to fix or change it.

So for today, I’m setting aside my superhero cape, laying down my bullhorn, and stepping away from humanity’s pain so that I can place my focus where it needs to be – on myself. Only in saving myself (with God’s help) can I ever hope to be a guide and support for others who also want to save themselves.  

The Burden of Other People’s Shame

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

We live in a world that is psychologically and emotionally underdeveloped. As a result, we are continually living under the burden of other people’s unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears, anxiety, or shame.

We are globally conditioned to accept the projections of other people’s wounds as our own, often resulting in feelings of guilt or shame for things that are not even ours to carry.

We are so conditioned by these patterns of projected blame that as I write these words, the majority of those reading might have no idea about what I’m speaking. Let me put it plainly:

When we suppress, repress, or ignore our own unacknowledged fears, anxiety, or shame, and when we deny our past wounds and trauma without doing the work of healing them, they are bound to come out sideways in actions and behaviors that are harmful to ourselves, and others, and sometimes both.

Let me provide an example of this pattern of projected blame of which I have been guilty in the past:

As a divorced mother of two, finances have often been tight. As a result, I have suffered anxiety around money. Afraid there wouldn’t be enough to pay our bills, and anxious about unexpected expenses or (not unreasonable) requests from my kids. In the early years after divorce, I often found myself snapping at my kids when they would ask for money for essential and non-essential needs, or complaining about back to school shopping and all the added expenses that came up that time of year. It wasn’t my kids’ fault that money was tight or that I was anxious about money, but I’m certain that it is possible that my reactions to expenses a) caused them to feel guilty b) may have instilled anxiety about money in them. ☹ Eventually, I caught my actions, but the damages had already been done. (Sorry M and W!) I continue to have anxiety around money and guilt when I spend money, but at least I can acknowledge it and no longer project blame over my own fear onto other innocent parties.

This is just one simple example of how we, as humans, project blame, guilt, shame, anxiety, on to other innocent parties, instead of taking the time to identify our own wounds, acknowledge them, cease from making them someone else’s fault, and do the deep inner work of healing them so that we are a) no longer doing harm to ourselves and b) no longer doing harm to others.

I’m convinced that these unacknowledged fears, shame, guilt, past traumas, etc. are the cause of every single conflict in our world, from the simplest misunderstanding between friends to the global catastrophes of war.

As it relates to war, here’s another easy example. The holocaust of World War II was wholly a result of Hitler’s Germany needing a scapegoat from the traumas of WWI. The easy scapegoat was a race of people that unwittingly became the projection of these unhealed wounds. 6 million people were violently imprisoned and killed because of these projected wounds. One race of people made to carry the blame for another group of people’s shame, grief, fear, etc. Fast forward to today, and the recipients of that projection (Benjamin Netanyahu and his followers) are now projecting their own unhealed wounds by enacting their own holocaust against the Palestinians.

Unhealed wounds of shame, guilt, anxiety, trauma, etc. projected outward simply create more of the same. Wound begets wound. Shame begets shame. Hatred fosters hatred. Unhealed trauma is likely to cause trauma to another.

Let me make this really personal by asking a few questions:

  • When have other people blamed you for their anger, impatience, frustration, etc., saying that it is somehow YOUR fault that they are feeling that way?
  • How often have you been blamed for other people’s failures?
  • When have you been made to feel ashamed for who you are and/or who you want to be?
  • When has another tried to make you the cause of their unhappiness, sense of lack, inability to be successful or to perform?
  • When did you then find yourself reacting by trying to make the other party happy, take over a task for them, rush over to ease their anger, etc.?

The truth is none of this was ever your fault. Instead, it was the other party’s inability to acknowledge and take responsibility for their own SHIT.

The conflicts between human beings will never be resolved until we begin to take responsibility for our own shame, unhealed wounds, etc. and stop making it everyone else’s problem. While we cannot control what other people (or nations) might do, we can begin this healing by taking responsibility for ourselves and we can start that work today.

We can also stop taking responsibility for other people’s blame.

Is it Vestibular, PTSD, HSP, or Empathy?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Yesterday, I had to leave work early. I had to leave out of a combination of stimuli that triggered – perhaps all – of the conditions I have: chronic vestibular neuritis, PTSD, HSP (highly sensitive person), along with my ability to feel the energy and emotions of others (empathy) so much so that it overwhelms my nervous system. The result was a combination of overwhelm, PTSD symptoms (inability to concentrate, focus, etc), anxiety, and a blaring migraine with a bit of dizziness. While any one of these conditions could have caused the symptoms I experienced, upon reflection, it was a combination of stimuli and conditions that created the perfect storm, making it near impossible for me to continue working while the stimuli not only continued, but increased. Thankfully, I have an understanding employer who is fully aware of my sensitivities and the deficits that sometimes accompany this combination of sensitivities. My work is also flexible, some can be done from home, and my responsibilities for that day were relatively minimal. My employer gave me a supportive smile when I told her I was going home, as she was aware of the challenges I was facing that night.

Not every employer would be so understanding or supportive.

I know I am one of the lucky ones.  In America, 2% of the population are considered empaths, 6% will have PTSD at some point in their lives, 15-20% are diagnosed as HSP, and over 35% of adults over the age of forty suffer from vestibular disorders. I suspect these figures are understated! My point is that a whole lot of people suffer from one or several of the conditions with which I sometimes struggle, and very few employers are understanding of or willing to make accommodations for said-conditions. With none of these conditions does one appear “sick.” For most of these conditions the symptoms are difficult, if not impossible, to describe, causing many, including medical professionals, to believe the issues might be “in your head.”

Literally, vestibular disorders are in our heads! For myself, I have chronic inflammation of the vestibular nerve which makes me sensitive to movement, sound, smells, lights, barometric pressure – and so much more. When I’m “triggered,” the results vary. Sometimes I just feel icky. Other times I’m bowled over by vertigo. Sometimes the vertigo isn’t full-on spinning, just a feeling of disorientation or unease. I sometimes get aura migraines, and other times full-body migraines where I can do nothing but lay on the couch with lights off and a blanket over my head. I NEVER know when the symptoms might arise but there are certain things that are consistent including driving (especially at freeway speeds), snow and rain, windshield wiper movement, low barometric pressure, and red wine. Ironically, red wine is also one of the remedies I have found for when I have a full-on migraine. Weird.

PTSD is even more subtle for me and thankfully with medication I haven’t had a panic attack in several years. I continue, however, to find myself sensitive to crowds, loud noises, a multitude of stimuli, and certain situations and/or conversations. One thing I’ve come to notice, which I don’t remember having before the experiences that brought about the PTSD – I now have some sort of auditory processing disorder – which could also be related to the vestibular issues. The disorder goes like this: if I’m in a crowd of people and someone, or multiple someones are talking to me, I literally can’t hear them.  All I hear is “wha wha wha wha.”  As one friend described it  – “Charlie Brown’s teacher.”  I can hear the sounds, but I cannot make out the words.  For years I thought I was hard of hearing.  My hearing tests all prove to be in the range of normal, and yet, these symptoms persist.  As an office manager, this condition makes my job difficult and overwhelming at times, and I have to repeatedly ask people to repeat themselves while explaining about the processing disorder.

As it relates to HSP and being an Empath, (insert shoulder shrug emoji).  If you are either of these, you get it. If not, there’s likely no way to explain it. The best way to describe both of these is that I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel  everyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyything. Your emotions. Sometimes your thoughts. Pending earthquakes, hurricane, or other global phenomenon. I sometimes know when something bad is about to occur. I can read your energy. I feeeeeeeeeel if you are a good or bad human being. I can tell by your body language if you’ve been abused. Sometimes I see it. It’s bad enough when it’s only one person I’m feeling, or one global phenomenon…….but if it’s a room of people or the whole planet is losing its shit, it becomes overwhelming which makes it difficult to stay fully present, to think clearly, and to remain focused. On some days it’s so bad that I can’t perform normal administrative tasks or even read a book or magazine for pleasure. After periods of intense stimuli, I just don’t have the bandwidth.

So yeah…….with (what felt like) a hundred people in the building and their children talking, making messes, asking for attention, some of them screaming…..I had had enough. Was it due to vestibular issues, PTSD, HSP or Empathy?  The answer is YES.  All of the above.

Again, a huge thank you to my employer and for the universe who put me in their path so I could have a supportive place to work from which I could escape if things become too intense. And my heart goes out to those who aren’t equally supported in their place of employment or who struggle to find employment due to what can often be debilitating symptoms – symptoms that are so invisible that disability won’t even take a look at them.

Learning Not to Care

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

(aka Cultivating the Fine Art of Detachment)

Life is a funny thing. First, we are taught that it is our job to care about EVERYTHING. Caring about EVERYTHING implies that it is our job to do something about it. Heaped on top of this caring is the whispered weight of responsibility. Not only is it our job to do something, it is also likely that the things that appear wrong are also somehow our fault. Blame adds to the pressure to do something about the wrong.

At nearly sixty, however, I’ve learned something new. It is more than likely that NOTHING is our fault. Therefore, it’s not our job to fix it. Furthermore, it’s not even our responsibility to care.

Wait! What? It’s not our job to care?

Yes, we have a human responsibility to care about ourselves, our loved ones, humanity, and the world. If we have a loving heart, we want the best for everyone. We want people to be happy, healthy, fed, clothed, safely sheltered, educated, and their medical needs provided for. We want people to have liberty, dignity, respect, and peace.

The sad reality, however, is that more often than not, there is not a damn thing we can do to guarantee any of this for anyone. Neither can we necessarily fix the wrong that prevents people from having all that is stated above. This is especially true when the individual is capable but unwilling to care for themselves. Furthermore, 99% of what we care about is completely out of our sphere of influence, and even if it is, it still may be out of our control.

As a Type 1 (Perfectionist/Reformer) on the Enneagram, this has been a truth that has been very difficult for me to come to. Not only have I had conditioning working against me, but I have also had the gift/curse of my unique temperament which gave me the lens through which I am hard-wired to ask “How could this be better.” Indeed, this gift makes me a fantastic trouble-shooter, source of counsel and guidance. This lens also left me with a seething resentment over all the things in the world that I can’t fix and all those who could utilize my gifts, but have refused my counsel.

Compounding the frustrated fulfillment of my gift and its resulting resentment, is the reality of emotional addiction. As it turns out, we can become addicted to negative emotional states in the same way that we can be addicted to alcohol or drugs. Spending time in, or even cultivating these negative emotional states have a similar impact on our brain chemistry as other addictions. Resentment, frustration, impatience, even rage were negative states to which I had become addicted, and I would even seek out situations to get upset about so that I could experience the “power” of these emotions.

Feeling these emotions, however, never fixed the frustration. Getting twisted up about someone else’s behavior, an injustice in the world, or the ignorance of humanity never gave me peace – only more resentment. Eventually I had to make a choice – remain in the ever-twisted world of seething resentment or find some way to experience peace. I chose peace.

The first step in choosing peace was to acknowledge I had an addiction. The second step was to recognize what all those inner feelings were actually saying to me.  They weren’t saying, “Go fix this thing.  It’s your job to fix it.  You know better than anyone else.”  Instead, they were showing me one of two things: a) a need of my own that wasn’t being met that I then had the responsibility to get met (if it was within my realm of control). b) all the things in the world over which I have ZERO control. Admittedly, a) was easier to accept than b).

When we feel powerless over something we cannot control, we will find anyway to find that power, until we can accept that it is really not within our control. One of the tactics I have found helpful (or mantras I’ve embraced) is to force myself NOT TO CARE.

I know this sounds harsh, but I am naturally a loving and caring person – especially as it relates to those I love and have care for. I want the best for them. I want them to be safe, cared for, healthy, happy, etc. But the reality is that no matter my efforts to share my gifts in a way that might be supportive, some/many are unable to receive these gifts. I can beg and plead all I want but until an individual (or a group, or a Church, or a political party, or a nation) wants to make a change, my words are dust in the wind.

To survive the frustration and angst over a) my gifts not being received and b) my complete lack of control over a situation, I have had to learn not to care. In the recovery world, this is called detachment. Detachment allows me to be an objective witness of what is unfolding around me without the compulsion to step in and offer my wisdom, expertise, advice, suggestions, etc. Detachment allows me to move beyond the frustration, irritation, or anger I might feel in the face of what I perceive as wrong and accept things the way they are. And OH MY GOD, my inner perfectionist/reformer HATES THIS!  But, it’s the only way I can experience peace. At this point in my life, I’m far more concerned about peace than thinking I have any influence over the state of our world, and I’ve discovered that this peace is a choice.

I can continue to allow myself to care so much about the world that I suffer the consequences of ongoing seething resentment and frustration, or I can learn not to care (cultivate the fine art of detachment) and live my life in peace. I choose peace.

Witness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

I have no task now

but to bear witness.

To bear witness

to humanity’s destruction.

The warnings have been given.

The prophecies shared.

Yet they continue to turn a deaf ear

to the obvious.

The end is nigh.

What more to do

but wait

and watch,

thinking…

“I told you so.”

“I told you so.”

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

A Seer’s Angst

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

As I woke up to the news of an apparent assassination attempt on former president, Donald Trump, I found myself overcome with deep, inner frustration. The frustration felt like a tightly coiled spring inside of me that desperately wanted to explode into a deafening and earth-shattering scream ala Tommy Shelby:

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE PEOPLE F’ING LISTEN TO ME??????

It’s not that I had foreseen the attempt on the former president and tried to warn someone about it. It was more about what I COULD see in the video footage of the apparent attempt and what I could FEEL in the collective energy around it. Let’s just say I have questions.

Conspiracy theories aside, for my entire life I have seen and known things and have tried with all my might to express what I’m seeing/feeling while at the same time providing guidance and insights on how to avoid disaster or at the very least lessen the damage. Also for my whole entire life

NOBODY EVER LISTENS TO ME!

And yet, every single thing I see/saw/foresaw/predicted has proved itself true.  I could go down the list from the houseguest I knew to be faking her cancer diagnosis (I was seven at the time), to a one-time friend’s failed marriage to the Oshkosh Arena disaster. I saw it all and where I was able, tried to warn people – anyone.  Nobody listened.

While today the seeing continues, still nobody is listening. I have done everything within my own power and means to share what I see and sense with the world, but instead of being heard, I see my words going out into the ethers and then disappearing into the void – unheard and unseen. The ongoing frustration I feel over this leaves me feeling like screaming into the void:

Which brings me to the existential question: What good is the gift of seeing and knowing if nobody is willing to receive the sharing of that gift? Why would “God” give me these gifts that seemingly have no use to anyone – perhaps even myself? What good is knowing that a venture is doomed when no one else seems to care – or worse, that you will be punished in some way for sharing what you know (oh yes…I’ve experienced this!). It’s insane. 

Or rather, the feeling of knowing and seeing and having nowhere to go with what I know makes me feel insane – like I’m being gaslit and ghosted by the entire human race. I know I’m not alone in this. I have spoken at-length with fellow seers (not the ones who just call themselves that – the ones who actually ARE) and the feeling is mutual. We get bombarded with what we see/feel/know and it creates an overwhelming sense of urgency in us to share what we know, but when we do, all we’re left with is the feeling of our words falling on deaf ears, leaving us with an all-consuming feeling of existential and insatiable frustration. As you might imagine, it’s super annoying to be forced to live a life of existential angst simply because human beings absolutely refuse to hear or see what they don’t want to know.