Energy Vampires, Succubae, and Witch Collectors

October 28, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

As I’ve been trying to figure out how to write on the topic of “authentic power,” I came upon this article that I first penned in 2019. Then it was titled, “Beware of Witch Collectors.” I have since come to broaden this topic to include anyone who feeds off the power of those who are authentically gifted, because the one who feeds has no power of their own. It seems fitting to share this re-write here rather than to try to create something new as this does a great job of summing things up while providing the necessary cautions. Enjoy!

This one is for my sister-witches and brother-witches. When I use the term “witch” I’m referring to the women and men I know who have harnessed the infinite power within themselves and who are using this power to support their own life mission of being in service to the betterment of our world. These are people who are strong, independent, confident (albeit sometimes insecure – only because they have rarely been supported or affirmed in their gifts), intuitive, empathic, teachers, healers, leaders and behind the scene witches. These are the ones who have been with us throughout eternity and who have been ridiculed, condemned, even killed for their magical gifts. Fortunately we are no longer in the “burning times” but that doesn’t mean that today’s witches are free from danger. In fact, the dangers we face today are even more subtle and insidious than the dangers we faced during the witch trials and the inquisition. Today I wish to speak of one specific danger that faces all people of authentic power today – and that is of what I like to call Energy Vampires, Succubae, and Witch Collectors.”

Succubae are individuals who appear powerful, confident, strong, self-assured, perhaps even a bit arrogant. They are often physically attractive and lure people in with their charm. At first they seem sincere, trustworthy and of integrity, but it is all a ruse. What they show to the world is an illusion for what hides behind the mask is an energy vampire – one who is not strong at all, but terribly insecure and lacking in inner power.

Motivated by a deep sense of emptiness and vacancy, Energy Vampires and Witch Collectors are compelled to seek out and then draw in those of authentic power so they can suck them dry. In the world of psychology, these people are often called narcissists, but in my experience, their “condition” moves far beyond that of a borderline personality disorder. Unlike narcissists, succubae desire more than power and control. They literally feed on the life-force energy of those whose power is authentic and who they have drawn into their clutches. The problem with this “relationship” is that the Witch Collector is never satisfied – can never be satisfied – as there is no amount of “witch power” that can fill a vacant hole. They may feel temporary satisfaction from the energy they have drained, but the emptiness within an energy vampire/witch collector is like a black hole – infinitely empty and impossible to fill. As long as the relationship continues between witch collector and witch, the witch collector will feed and the witch will feel drained –unable to harness the fullness of her power and to use that power for good.

Identifying a witch collector is tricky business, especially if you are one who is still nursing the wounds of the unholy masculine. In a culture which has been ruled for the past 5000 years by the unholy masculine (fear, power and control), most of us harbor this wound. As a result, we long to be seen, heard, acknowledged and supported in the use of our gifts. When we find the rare individual who celebrates our gifts – who speaks our language – we are thrilled. Titillated actually! In our excitement, we are tempted to set aside our shield of caution and discernment gets tossed to the wind. We enthusiastically enter into the web, blind to the true motivation of their seduction. This is how seduction works, speaking to our insecurities, fears and unhealed wounds, which then causes us to put down our guard. Then the “witch hunter” moves in for the “kill.”

But there is hope. We are not defenseless in the face of energy vampires, succubae or witch collectors. The first step is recognition – looking for and seeking out those in our lives who are parasites. Once we identify them, they no longer have power over us. Say NO to their seductions and their ministrations. STOP being the host for their insatiable desire for power. Remember that in truth, they HAVE NO POWER. We are the ones with the power and it is our power they seek to possess. See them. Say no to them. Cut them off from their food-source. And then watch them slink away. This is what I have found in my own experience with witch collectors – once they know they are being seen for who they truly are, once we refuse to let them take our power, once we say NO to their seductions, they simply go off in search of their next victim.

Addendum: An important note as it relates to succubae, etc. is the matter of power. In this world, there are two kinds of power. The one in which we are most familiar is the power that is wielded by the system. This is power-over. One seeking to have power over another. This is power that is distorted and (dare I say) evil. This kind of power is gained through manipulation, most commonly using shame, guilt, threats and triggering one’s insecurities and fears for the purposes of gain. Institutions use this. Governments use this. Corporations use this. The advertising industry is defined by this kind of power. Despots and dictators thrive on this kind of insidious power, as do individuals. Many so-called healers, teachers, shamans, etc. use these kinds of manipulations to gain clients, wealth, and fame. This kind of power is false and ultimately temporary. This kind of power does not satisfy. It only leaves the wielder of it constantly wanting more.

Authentic power is something else entirely. Authentic power springs naturally and without effort from one who is in union with Source (that which some might call “God”) and living in harmony with Source guidance. We are all born with authentic power, but our life experiences often limit our access to that power via the woundings and traumas we experience in the human condition. As we do the inner work of healing those traumas, our authentic power becomes more accessible. It is out of this power that our Divine gifts emerge, and it is our connection to this power that allows us to humbly allow Source to live through us. When living from authentic power, we are naturally and effortlessly guided to where we need to be, and what we are being called to do. We find ourselves grounded in ourselves, content in who we are, and at peace with what life brings to us. Those who would benefit from the gifts we share are naturally drawn to us and find us without any effort on our part. When grounded in authentic power, we are also able to see more clearly those who are not interested in growing or healing through the sharing of our gifts, but who instead seek only to feed off us. When in authentic power, from these we are able to simply walk away.

Accessing our Authentic Power begins with identifying and healing the wounds and traumas that are blocking that power. Our training programs help support you in that transformation. Click on the images to learn more.

Like Unto God

October 23, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I’ve been at a place of frequently asking myself/the universe why?

Why do I seemingly have all these gifts in which very few are interested?
Why give me the gifts of vision, insight, knowing, and no audience with whom to share them?
Why give me the gift of prophecy – the ability to see the sign of the times and where things may be headed – when no one hears me?
Why give me the gift of seeing disorder (when things are out of order for an individual or a group’s higher good), along with the awareness of the remedy to that disorder when my insights are almost always ignored or rejected?
Why give me a platform on which I can share some of these insights while keeping my platform invisible?
Why give me wise counsel and the gift of teaching for the very few who are willing to hear and apply it?
Why show me the red flags while those who need them ignore my pleas?

When I find myself in these times of questioning, I often feel like a whiney baby asking my parent, “Why can’t I have what I want when I want it and I want it now?”

But I have also found that when I turn these kinds of quandaries inward, the answer usually appears – or at least what I need to hear in the moment to find comfort along with encouragement for continuing forward.

This morning as I wrote out these questions and hurled them out into the Universe, the answer came quickly and clearly:

One Who is Like Unto God.

“Hearing” these words, a deep peace came over me, along with an unfolding vision of what these words might mean to me in this moment. I share this in the event that you might find these words comforting as well.

“One who is like unto God,” brought me immediately to the story from Luke’s gospel (Lk 15: 11-32) of the “Prodigal Son.” Specifically, I was reminded of the father and his actions in the story. In summation:

He saw and understood that his son needed this time of departure for his own growth.
He likely understood that his son’s efforts would fail and bring him disappointment.
He hoped that one day his son might return to the home where he was loved.
He waited and watched. Every day, standing at the gate, looking to see if his son was coming home.
When his son came home, the father didn’t punish or reprimand him. Neither did he say, “I told you so.” Instead, he welcomed him home with open arms and held a celebration for his return.

In the story, the father represents God. The son represents humanity. For us, the story of the Prodigal Son is an invitation to acknowledge the human need to seek out and explore who we are and our place in the world. It is also the reminder that the ultimate destination of that journey is (re)Union with God/Self. We are both the son and the father at different times in our journey. Sometimes we are the son boldly going out into the world despite the warnings of our family, friends, etc. Sometimes we succeed. Often, we fail. At other times, we are in the position of the father – watching and observing our loved ones (and the world) fumbling about in their journey of being human and we want like mad to share our wisdom, warn them of pitfalls, rescue them and save them from themselves. Our well-meaning attempts to intervene often blow up in our face, or our guidance is simply rejected.

For most of my life, I’ve been the son – going out into the world in defiance of the warnings and cautions delivered by well-meaning elders. Sometimes their warnings proved true. Other times I experienced freedom and liberation from these choices – albeit often with a fair amount of suffering. The human journey, no matter how perfectly we follow another’s, or our own guidance is not without suffering.

Now, when I hear the words “Like Unto God,” I am aware it’s time to be more like God. What I mean in being more like God, I mean this:

Watching and observing human beings being human beings.
Avoiding the temptation to judge the actions and decisions of others.
Allowing humanity to go along on its journey unhindered, even if it means toward their own destruction.
Staying out of the way – not interfering and not attempting to intervene.
Avoiding the temptation to fix, save, or rescue.
Remembering that humanity sometimes learns best through failure.
While staying out of the way, holding them all in loving compassion.
Being available as support and counsel when called upon without attachment to the outcome.

Ugh! All these things are so difficult, especially when the individual(s) in question are those I love and care about. But the truth is, I’m not sure there’s any other choice. It is only our ego/false-self that believes we know what is best for another. (For God’s sake, we don’t even know what’s best for ourselves!) While we may be able to predict the downfall of another’s decision, and the downfall does indeed happen, that doesn’t mean the failure wasn’t exactly what the individual needed for their own personal growth. While we might see and know, we will never be omniscient. While we may accept the invitation to “be like unto God,” we will never actually be God. It is this truth that keeps us humble in our humanly journey of being human and our spiritual journey of hoping to be more like God. In neither will we ever be perfect – which is the whole entire point.

Special Pricing Coming to an End:

Love is Kindness

October 19, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Yesterday, nearly 7 million Americans gathered as an outward example of Love in what has been called the “No Kings” rallies. Contrary to dispersions cast, there were ZERO violent acts within or among those who gathered. Beyond the perception of politics, people of all ages and genders gathered to express their support of the freedoms promised by the US Constitution and on behalf of those who have been maligned and mistreated by those who have forgotten how to Love.

Love, in the context of the human identity, can only be understood in one way – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you;” or as Jesus has been quoted as saying, “Love one another as I have loved you.” For those who claim to follow Jesus, or call him their savior, it is to Jesus’ words and actions that one might understand Jesus’ commandment about love. Jesus’ example is clear:

He treated people of all beliefs, social standing, race, and gender with love, honor, and respect.
He focused his attention on those who were marginalized in his culture: women, children, the poor, the sick, the ostracized, those who the culture condemned as unclean, those condemned by the culture as sinful and undeserving of God’s grace.
Jesus welcomed those otherwise shunned.
He defined what it meant to be love: giving sight to the blind, visiting prisoners, setting captives free, care and provide for those who cannot care for themselves.

In short, Jesus’ example is one of kindness – to every single person whatever their need might be.

Love is Kindness.

Also, as Bono of U2 described in the lyrics he wrote for song of the same name:

Love is Blindness.

To exercise the kindness Love requires, we must take on a sort of blindness. Blindness in this case is related to judgment. To truly Love, we must set aside the conditioning and experiences we have had which may have prejudiced us against others, or which has caused us to separate each other into “us and them.” Love sees no separation – only the fact that we are ONE human race, each deserving of love, respect, honor, and care.

This is what I saw in the “No Kings” gatherings – not a bunch of people against something, but a mass of people for humanity. We are one humanity on an individual and collective journey toward Love. Kindness is one path that helps us to get there.

Tools for Growing in Love:

Being a Death Priestess

August 4, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I am a Death Priestess.

Here to bear witness to the end of the world.

The collapse of an empire.

The implosion of patriarchy.

To weather the upheaval and chaos of a world in its undoing

while providing comfort to a terrified and grieving humanity.

The American experiment has failed.

Or rather, it has arrived at its foregone conclusion.

The natural outcome of a nation built on sand.

The weaknesses of the empire being revealed

and in those gaps evil has made a home.

Through the unfolding of events

we are being made to see it all –

the loathsome and the hideous.

But beneath all of this,

another world is being made.

Seeds already planted –

taking root and growing

out of the ash of the old.

A true resurrection.

Something new is happening here.

Do you see it?

For a Death Priestess is about

so much more than death.

We are also midwives –

ushering in the emergence of something new.

This one born of Love

rooted deeply in Truth

and formed in the Wholeness of Union.

So shall it be.

And so it is.

An Uncommon Priesthood

July 20, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

Uncommon: not ordinarily encountered: unusual; remarkable, exceptional

Priest: someone who is authorized to perform the sacred rites of a religion especially as a mediatory agent between humans and God

Priesthood: the office, dignity, or character of a priest

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

On the first day of the Christology course that was part of my ministry training, our (female) professor asked those of us who felt called to ordination to raise our hands. The men in our class, as was to be expected, raised their hands as they were on the track to becoming deacons. My friend, Karen, and I also raised our hands. That got us a giggle because women, of course, are not allowed to be ordained, either as a deacon or a priest, in the Catholic Church.

I was a preacher
My heart broke for all the world
But teaching was unrighteous for a girl
In the summer I was baptized in the mighty Colorado
In the winter I heard the hounds and I knew I had been found
And in my Savior’s name, I laid my weapons down
But I am still around… (Highwomen, lyrics by Amanda Rose Shires / Brandi Carlile / Jimmy L. Webb)

That was thirty years ago, and yet still today, women are barred from priesthood in the Catholic Church. That prohibition, however, has not lessened my call to be priest. In the years since, I have discerned priesthood through two denominations outside of the Catholic Church, but in both instances, the prevalence of clericalism in those institutions dissuaded me from completing that path.

Clericalism: a policy of maintaining or increasing the power of a religious hierarchy (to Merriam-Webster’s definition, I would add: lauding, flaunting, defending, and enforcing that power and in some cases, using it to justify non-loving acts)

To me, priesthood has never been about power. It has always been about service. Neither has it been about hierarchy. Instead, it is a collaboration of gifts in support of individual and collective need. This is the priesthood I see in Jesus and what he drew forth from those who gathered around him. Jesus was not a leader who wanted followers. Instead, he was a catalyst who empowered people in their gifts. By humbly serving those most in need, Jesus’ example challenged the religious and political institutions of his time. These institutions valued their power and privilege over the people they were meant to serve.

Sadly, Jesus’ example did not stand as the early disciples (Peter and Paul in particular) traded the collaborative empowerment that Jesus’ taught them for patriarchal and hierarchical power. This model still stands today in nearly all Christian institutions. This is why I did not, cannot, and refuse, to fit into any institution that values power over service.

Instead, it seems, I have carved out a priesthood all my own. One that has been ordained, not by a bishop’s anointing and laying on of hands, but by careful attention to the call of Love, and living out that Love in all the many ways I have been called. Sometimes this call looks priestly in the marriages and funerals I officiate. Sometimes this call looks formative as I create and facilitate classes and write books in support of participants’ personal/spiritual development. Sometimes it looks pastoral in the one-on-one spiritual counseling I provide. Sometimes the service I provide supports people in their healing, in finding direction, and in experiencing comfort.

Most commonly, however, my priesthood is confirmed in unexpected and surprising ways. It is known in the 6am phone call from a distant friend seeking support for a family member in crisis. It is known in the generous financial donations I sometimes find in my mailbox. It is known in the confidences people have shared with me during challenging times. It is in the many acquaintances who suddenly seek my support and my own wondering of why they chose me. Why would they trust me with this, I barely know them? And yet, time and time and time again, this is so. People who I know – but not really. Amazing, lovely people who I have come to know and love along the way – but we don’t really hang out. People who I know from simply being me in the small community where I live. People, in whom I’ve likely seen something (love, kindness, generosity, honesty, integrity, authenticity) who are somehow seeing me, and trusting me with the most intimate and challenging times of their lives.

This is the priesthood for which I am most grateful. A priesthood that is unexpected and surprising and looks absolutely nothing like what we have come to associate with being priest. And yet, it is exactly what the Catholic Church preaches in its invitation to participate in the priesthood of all believers (Catechism of the Catholic Church paragraphs: 1267, 1268, 1141, 1143, 1268, 1305, 1535, 1547, 1591, and 1592). Whereas the institutional church does not recognize my priestly calling, I am profoundly humbled and grateful to all those who have invited me to serve in this role.

Musing on Magic

July 19, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

When one is called to, and says “yes” to a life of magic, everything turns upside down and inside out. No longer is life measured by things of this world. The magical life is intangible and measured by the invisible.

Magic is not about what we do. It’s who we are.

Real magic requires no rituals or rhyming spells. Instead, it arises from within, cultivated in silence. Like a seed bursting out from the soil, it is known. Born out of mystery. Nurtured in darkness.

True magic is a natural unfolding. Free to emerge because one has cleared away the inner obstacles otherwise blocking the way. Magic is the manifestation of the miraculous – God’s holy desire revealing itself through us.

Magic is effortless. It is an allowing. A yielding. A right of way. Magic is ourselves getting out of the way as God walks in.

Not to seek, but only to be found. Magic is the Divine in our midst.

As a great teacher once reminded, “I have told you, you are gods.” (John 10:34)

Open to Possibility

July 13, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Surrendering to this time of recovery has given me ample opportunity to examine my life and what I believe to be my mission and purpose. At sixty years old, the expression of that mission has changed (somewhat), but the mission remains the same: being a force of transformation in a changing world.

Transformation to me is about:

Bearing witness
Holding space
Being love
Sharing tools for healing and growth
Speaking truth
Providing counsel and hope
Sharing what I see and hear

As it relates to the world today: guiding humanity through the death of the world as we have known it while preparing them for the world yet to be. (Cue Livin’ it Up from Hadestown) The ancients gave the title psychopomp to those charged with this important task.

In being psychopomp, I have found the following to be helpful:

Commitment to my daily spiritual practices
Praying without ceasing
Steel-clad boundaries
Honoring the fragile nature of my physical body and the even more fragile nature of my energy.

I’m done giving more than I can give.

This commitment to self so that I might better serve my mission, has led me more and more deeply into a monastic, contemplative lifestyle. I am becoming the hermit I have always longed to be.

With one little hiccup: a capitalistic world that doesn’t recognize hermit as a valid profession, and therefore, does not provide for those called to a monastic kind of life. For me, this hiccup has been like a nagging sliver that I just can’t get rid of. I think the perceived conflict between the Soul’s calling and the material world is one that plagues those currently called to a gentler (and perhaps new world) life. I know I’m not alone in this struggle. This has left me at conflict with myself and the world as I stress about money, making money, working a “real” job, etc. etc. It has felt like an unanswerable question and a conflict I’m doomed to endure until the end of my life.

But then, yesterday, after I came out of the heavy waters of the Capricorn full moon, I heard some new words:

Be Open to the Possibility

Immediate shift in perception! Instead of feeling stuck in the one scenario that has been playing through my mind, I suddenly remembered: God/the Soul has a plan. How that plan is brought into being is none of our business. Our only job is to be clear about what we want, and let God figure out the rest. The outcome may not be exactly as we had wished for, but in my life experience, when we let go and let God, the outcome is ALWAYS far better than we could have ever imagined for ourselves.

Does this mean that one day soon the Universe may provide the means by which I can fully embrace the hermit life and tend to that which I deeply feel called to do? I don’t know. But at least now, I am open to the possibility.

Exorcisms at Midnight

July 2, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

This is for my fellow lightworkers, healers, shadow workers, love warriors, etc. – all those who are here to be and support the world through love.

Have you ever had a dream so intense that you feel as if it were real and that you were really and truly at the scene of the dream participating in it as you are seeing it? You know, those dreams that are difficult to wake up from, that give you a kind of sleep-paralysis, and leave your heart pounding and your lungs out of breath? Yeah – that. I had one of those last night.

The dream was long, drawn out and detailed, but at the center of it, I found myself performing an exorcism – removing an evil spirit or spirits from a 40ish year-old man while his family stood watch and my “team” bore witness and provided protection. In the past, I would have spent hours, days, weeks even, pondering the meaning of the dream. Today – it’s just another night in the life of Lauri Ann Lumby, doing healing and transformation on planes and within dimensions invisible to our own. I can’t explain it, but I can sure feel it. It took every semi-conscious effort to awake from the “dream,” returning to this dimension out of breath and heart pounding as if I had just run a marathon.

Last night’s dream, is just another in a long line of reminders that as much as I want myself and my work to be visible in this world, the truth is that it is in and on other planes that my work is most commonly utilized and perhaps needed. Is it having an impact on this plane? I believe so. But it’s often difficult, given our conditioning, to credit work done in invisible realms when the needs seem so great here.

I was speaking with a friend and soul-sister about this very phenomenon yesterday. We are conditioned to look for material and tangible ways that our gifts are having an impact on the world. We are taught to look for material rewards for the tangible work we are doing. And yet, as is so often the case, the work we are doing seems to be much more about what we are doing internally to support our own transformation, and on other planes to support (in theory) the transformation of our world, among others.

This attention to the invisible, subtle, and intangible seems strange, and yet, isn’t this exactly where the full impact of all the great spiritual teachers has actually been felt? In his lived experience, Jesus was left with only a handful of disciples. Today, millions claim him as their teacher (however right or wrong their interpretation of his teachings might be). The same is true of the Buddha, Mohammad, and Moses. And let’s not forget about the women! How many people did Mother Mary reach in her lifetime? How many millions today claim devotion to her? The same is true of Mary Magdalene, Joan of Arc, Teresa of Avila, and all the great spiritual teachers who in their material experience had but a handful of students, whereas today, millions seek after and follow their teachings. More importantly, how many more are living the path of Love as modeled by these great teachers?

Life is not always what it seems and that is especially true for those of us called to spiritual and healing work. As Jesus was quoted as saying, “I am not of this world.” Neither are we. The work we are called to is the work we are called to no matter how it might appear to the naked eye and the impact is far greater than we could ever image despite our capitalistic conditioning that might tempt us to believe otherwise.

So if you find yourself in the middle of a dream performing exorcisms, know it to be true.

Thank you for all you are doing on behalf of Love and for the sake of the transformation of this world and those beyond!

With love,

Lauri

The Big Sorting

June 29, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I’m day four into recovering from laparoscopic abdominal surgery and I finally have some energy to put some recent observations of the world and my/our place in it in writing.

This is a strange time. To put it into the simplest of terms, humanity is involved in a massive kind of sorting – the likes of which I’m not sure we’ve ever seen. As is always the case with human beings, but even more so now with the reality of global communication, this sorting is happening on both the micro and macro levels. At the heart of this sorting is the question of choice – are we (individually and as a collective) choosing truth or falsehood.

Between our human conditioning, past woundings, and the collective distribution of falsehoods, the choice is not easy. Making the choice even more challenging is the reality that in the dualistic world in which we’ve been living, success and advancement are often achieved through deception; and because human beings find hype and tabloid delivery entertaining and exciting, it is what most commonly sells.

Truth, on the other hand, doesn’t sell.

Case in point: Since the age of 12, I have been a devoted student of the Magdalene. I have read every scholarly work out there, and studied the research of every scholar. What we can discern as plausible truth about the Magdalene is actually pretty boring. Based on available research, the Magdalene was most likely an ordinary Jewish woman who found herself drawn to a traveling preacher and who became enraptured by his teachings. Ancient texts confirm that she was likely Jesus’ most devoted student and the one who most wholly absorbed his deepest teachings. She was taught in secret because she grasped things the other disciples did not. She was the one chosen to be witness to (maybe even facilitated) Jesus’ resurrection and deliver the news to the other disciples. After Jesus’ resurrection, it is possible that she traveled to share Jesus’ message and teachings of Love. Where she went is under some debate though there are enough local legends to support the possibility that she went to Egypt, France, and possibly Ephesus and less possibly Britain. That is not to say, however, that her disciples didn’t carry her message to these far-flung places. It was said that Mary was intimate with Jesus – but whether that was sexual, or merely a beloved spiritual partnership, we will never know. We will also never know if Mary and Jesus had a child. I’m not opposed to this idea, but there is really nothing to prove it one way or another. Like I said, boring. There’s really nothing special here, which is partly why I suspect the version of the Magdalene that I stand by doesn’t sell. I don’t use flashy words or popular new age terminology in reference to the Magdalene because there is nothing scholarly or academic to support it. Are any of those versions of the Magdalene possible – sure. But until science proves otherwise, they are not truth.

Which brings me back to my point about the big sorting. Together we are experiencing a time of great sorting, and together, it is our choices which will determine the future course of humanity. Will we continue to be a species living from agreements and systems rooted in falsehoods and deceptions, or will we together be advocates of truth?

My choice is and has always been truth. And believe me, truth has cost me. My commitment to truth makes it impossible for me to fit into the current system. I literally become physically ill when in the company of deceivers, liars, and systems that lie. Everything in me wants to scream when I discover corruption or deception in an institution with which I am affiliated. Repeatedly, I have had to leave institutions behind because of the lies they refuse to see for themselves, or for which they are actually proud. As a result, I have had to stand alone in a little place I’ve carved out for myself. The good news is that where I was once alone, I now find myself surrounded by an increasingly growing network of others who find themselves equally unable to abide by the deception and corruption of the dying world and who want only to stand on the side of truth and love.

I also find myself increasingly aware of those who continue to choose falsehood. This is the personal part of the sorting. This part is difficult. It’s one thing to stand in our own truth, it’s another to watch someone we care for choose deception and falsehood because it benefits them in some way. It’s not our job to change their choice. All we can do is be witness to their choice. Grieve the disappointment we might feel and let them be.

Here’s the nitty gritty of things. For me, this big sorting is all about witness consciousness. As it relates to the world, I watch, I observe, I wait. I make note of the deceptions and the way falsehoods are delivered and I observe who buys into them. Equally, I watch for those who see through the deceptions and corruptions to the deeper truths waiting to be revealed. I refrain from challenging, confronting, or pointing out that “the emperor has no clothes,” trusting that the system itself is in its own kind of sorting. Humanity is sorting itself out. On a personal basis, it is observing what and who in my life are rooted in truth and what may not be and deciding how I want to engage with that, or not. At this writing, the sorting is still taking place with no definitive answers about what is staying or what needs to go. I’m also aware that the time for decisions is not yet ripe so I continue to wait and watch. The truth will show itself when its time is right and no sooner than that.

To me, the Magdalene was the one who most wholly absorbed the depth of Jesus’ teachings on Love. These teachings, are ultimately about discovering our own Truth and then moving through the inner obstacles to living that Truth. Abraham Maslow called the fulfillment of that journey “Self-Actualization.” It is for this reason that my Magdalene formation program is about personal growth and self-discovery.

Learn more HERE

Undoing Toxic Capitalistic Conditioning

June 8, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

I am not afraid to publicly admit my vulnerability or share my woundedness. I have observed that in being open and transparent, others are often able to find healing themselves, or at the very least validation for their own feelings and experiences.

Most recently, the thing with which I am most struggling is my sense of failure and shame over where I find myself in my life. Nowhere in my life have I succeeded in the ways in which we are measured or judged in a capitalistic society. I’ve never been given opportunities for wealth. I’ve never had enough discretionary income to save or invest. I don’t have a wall full of awards. I’m not popular in the capitalistic sense of popularity. I’ve never even been “Almost Famous.”

Instead, the opportunities I’ve been given led me to a kind of calling that cannot be measured through externals but only by what is within. At one time, I received validation, affirmation, support, praise and even a sort of notoriety through said-calling, but even that was taken from me (rather, I chose obedience to a calling over obedience to an institution).

Since leaving the institution of the Catholic Church, I’ve been out in the world doing what I have felt called to do. But as of this moment, even this seems to be falling away. Instead of having something somewhat tangible to hold, I find myself doing work to pay my bills that in some ways has its own kind of reward, but which strongly suppresses what I consider to be my truest gifts. There is a sense of emptiness and loss as my gifts lay dying on the ground while I’m just trying to survive in a world that was not made for me.

I’m tired. I feel empty. I’m quite close to abandoning any and all hope of fulfillment in the sense that we’ve been conditioned to believe we are deserving of.

One thing I’ve learned in this life is that we don’t deserve shit. Hard work does not equal success. Neither does a so-called Divine calling. But how, really, is Divine Calling measured?

Jesus was crucified.
Joan of Arc was burned at the stake.
Edith Stein was sent to the gas chamber.
Maximilian Kolbe died by lethal injection.
Gandhi was assassinated.
Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated.
Nelson Mandella was imprisoned and tortured.

A Divine Calling provides no guarantees. And yet, for some of us, it seems we have no choice but to follow this so-called Divine path, sacrificing capitalistic rewards for something else.

Today I’m not sure what that “something else” might be. Instead, I feel like I’m drowning in a sense of failure and its accompanying shame. The voice of this shame is continually trying to convince me I did something wrong, I chose the wrong path, and my true gifts don’t really matter. Everyday I feel like I’m bumping up against an impenetrable wall keeping me from my gifts and those who find them to be of value. It’s exhausting and heartbreaking.

And I know I’m not alone. This is why I’m baring my soul. I see you. In know who you are. You are my closest friends and companions who have equally “failed” in the capitalistic sense. You are the intuitives, neurodiverse, visionaries, prophets, and sensitive souls who have found this world simply too much to bear. Many of you struggle with “chronic illness,” in a world for which you were not made. I see you. I know you. I’ve heard your stories. Our stories are very much the same.

This too was Jesus’ story and the story of many who followed him:

“I have given them your Word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.” John 17: 14-16

Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world.” John 18:36

As those who are called to be and do the work of Love in a world that wants to divide through hatred, we, like Jesus, are not of this world. Instead, we are working on a different plane (so to speak). The work we do is vibrational. It is spiritual. It is energetic. It is intangible and subjective. It cannot be measured by either mathematics, physics, or capitalism. While we may know and believe this in the depths of our soul, this does not free us from the conflict between what our hearts know and what the world wants us to believe. This is where our spiritual practice becomes ever-more important. For me it is this:

I first had to recognize the sense of failure and shame – in how it has been coming out sideways, then as it is anchored in my conditioning.
Then, through inner pondering, I had to identify the nature and source of that shame. Where did I learn this? How is it part of my conditioning? How is it proving harmful.
Then, I chose a self-forgiveness practice to support the healing and release of that shame.
This practice is an ongoing work in progress, but I know that and know to have patience with myself as I heal.
I’m also seeing all the ways in which I try to barrel through the pain of this shame and am TRYING to choose self-care and rest over forcing myself to abide by the “rules of survival.”
Then comes the hard part – trusting that as I care for myself my material needs will be taken care of.

This capitalistic world is not made for us. Yet we have spent our entire lives being conditioned by its rules and measures of success. Undoing toxic capitalistic conditioning isn’t easy. But if we feel called to be Love, we have no choice but to transcend the capitalistic conditioning that has kept the entire world imprisoned. In undoing this conditioning, we are freed from this imprisonment, while providing an example that others may one day choose to follow.

Oh….and here’s a great anthem for undoing toxic capitalistic conditioning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwhBRJStz7w

Deepening Your Practic

The Authentic Freedom protocol, created by Lauri Ann Lumby, provides a solid and reliable framework for undoing toxic conditioning and healing our inner spiritual wounds. Into the Wilderness guides you through the in-depth process of learning and applying this process for the sake of your own liberation and freedom.