Mission/Purpose/Calling

Bearing the Magdalene Wound

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

The Crucifixions of the Magdalene: Jesus was lucky, he only had to be crucified once.  Mary Magdalene, on the other hand, was crucified more times than we could ever count.  She was crucified first for being born a woman.  She was crucified again by whatever it was in her life that caused her to need to be healed of “seven demons.”  She was crucified as she walked with her Beloved to his death and then watched as he was nailed to the cross and as he suffered the agonizing death by crucifixion.  She was crucified again when she and her companions took Jesus’ bleeding, broken and beaten body off the cross and laid it in the tomb.  She was crucified again as the stone was rolled over the opening of the tomb and she said her final goodbyes.  Again she was crucified when Jesus appeared to her on Easter morning and then just as quickly disappeared from her sight.  Again as she went to tell the male disciples and they did not believe her.  Again and again and again as Jesus appeared to her in prayer imparting secret teachings and every time disappearing from her sight.  Again as she was asked by the male disciples to share what Jesus had taught her and who then rejected her teachings along with the love Jesus had for her.  Again as she was apparently no longer welcome by the Jerusalem community of disciples and left to fend for herself.  Again and again and again as she made her way in the world carrying the burden of all these crucifixions in her heart, along with the new and fresh crucifixions everytime her mission of love was rejected.  And then…..the millions of countless crucifixions that have happened since her death anytime an individual or the Church ignored her role in Jesus’ life and ministry, denied the calling Jesus gave to her, rejected her as prostitute, adulterous woman or whore, demoted the important initiatory process (healed of seven demons) she underwent as demonic possession, denied women’s rightful and necessary place within the mission of love, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.  The list is endless.

The Burden of Pain: This is the Magdalene Wound and one that is carried in some degree by all women being called forth to resurrect the Magdalene and reclaim her rightful place in the mission of love by taking on this mission ourselves.  As one who bears this wound, I must tell you that it is excruciating.  It is a burden I would not wish on another, and yet I know literally hundreds of women who share this burden with me on behalf of the Magdalene (with many not knowing or understanding the source of this excruciating pain) and who continue to feel the pain of crucifixion everytime the world cries out for the lost feminine.

Excruciating Longing: The Magdalene Wound is known by a longing that cannot be quenched.  It is a pain that has no relief.  It is the feeling of constantly beating one’s head against the wall seemingly getting nowhere.  It is the pain of constant rejection.  Of speaking and sharing truth and seeing it fall on deaf ears.  It is the painful longing of missing our beloved and finding nothing to take its place.  It is the knowledge of having been loved beyond measure, of being held in rapt adoration and worshipped for our gifts…and then having that love torn from our grasp.  It is the pain of knowing that literally millions of women throughout history have been subject to rejection, abuse, even killed simply because they were born a woman in a world where the masculine rules….knowing that at one time in the history of patriarchal culture, there was ONE MAN who honored women as equal, elevating them to positions equal with their male counterparts and who called all of humanity to do the same…and that the first action taken by those who had the opportunity to fulfill this man’s vision was to sell out the women in favor of the presiding cultural norm….and that this single act has kept women subservient for 2000+ years!  It is the constant and enduring pain of a world that is suffering and feeling the blows of this suffering in our own bodies, hearing the cries with our own ears, seeing it with our own eyes and knowing we possess the remedy to this suffering if only….someone…..anyone….would care to ask. I can’t speak for others, but I know for myself, the Magdalene Wound makes me weary…a bone crushing, soul splitting weariness longing for the world to be made free.  It is the same burden of truth that Jesus carried – a truth for which he was willing to die.

Our Cross to Bear: This is the Magdalene Wound and I’m sad to say I’m not sure there is a remedy to this wound.  It is the cross we have to bear as those who have been called to restore the Magdalene (and all women with her) to her rightful place in history and in our world.  I’m not sure we will see the fulfillment of this resurrection in our lifetime, but there are signs of its happening and it is not just about the plethora of research, writings and books that have been accomplished on behalf of the Magdalene.  It includes all ways in which women are finding their voice, speaking their truth and rediscovering their rightful place in world that 5000 years ago stole their power from them.  I am humbled and honored to be a part of this movement and grateful for the resources and tools that have come through me in support of the mission of love as Mary Magdalene had envisioned and embodied it.

The work of the Magdalene is not for the faint of heart. Saying yes to her call and embarking on her path will bring you to your knees. The Magdalene journey is first deeply personal – bringing you face to face with your shadow – all that is need of healing and all that desires to be transformed – freeing you from illusion so that only Love might remain.

Learn more about the Magdalene Training HERE

Being Love in a World that Wants to Hate

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

Being Love requires persistence, discipline, personal responsibility, accountability, and courage. Being Love requires vulnerability and humility. Being Love asks us to be willing to admit where we have been wrong, especially when our being wrong has wronged another. Being Love requires forgiveness – forgiveness of self and other – but likely not the kind of forgiveness you learned about in church. Being Love requires commitment along with countless opportunities to re-commit.

Being Love is an inside job. Being Love takes work. Being Love is hard. It is for these reasons, and the ones mentioned above, that so few even attempt, let alone succeed at being Love. This is especially true in a world that wants to be hate and which appears to be overwhelmingly successful in being hate.

Hate is easy. Born out of our instinctual drive to be suspicious of that which is unfamiliar, hate separates and divides in an attempt to keep us safe from the unknown. As reasoning animals, we are supposed to evolve past this drive to separate. Sadly, most have not evolved past this, simply because evolving takes work. Hating is easy. Being Love is hard.

Even with intention, desire, commitment, and drive, being Love is hard. I’ve learned and experienced this in my own life. One of the reasons hatred is so easy is because it feeds us. Hatred allows us to believe we are right and everyone else is wrong. Hatred fills us with a charge that can feel energizing and empowering. Hatred makes us feel powerful. Hatred allows us to feel superior. Hatred creates in us the illusion of being safe from those who have or could cause us harm.

Feeding on hatred, however, is like ingesting poison. Feeding on hatred makes us sick. Many years ago I became aware of the ways in which hatred was harming me. Eventually I decided to stop.  

Deciding to stop was only the first step, however.  From then on, I have dived deeply into researching and applying a multitude of wisdom practices that have helped me move from being hate to being Love.  In applying these practices, this is what I’ve learned:

  1. We cannot just “think” our way into being Love.
  2. Instead, we must go deep within ourselves to the places we have forgotten that we are Love and heal those.
  3. Over and over and over and over and over and over again.
  4. Being Love (and by association forgiveness) has NOTHING to do with “the other,” and everything to do with ourselves.
  5. As we heal the inner obstacles to Love, we are not only healing ourselves, others are healed as well.
  6. Another human’s inability to being Love is none of our business, except as an invitation to being more loving ourselves.
  7. We cannot heal or change anyone but ourselves.
  8. We can despise an individual’s actions while still having Love for them.

This #8 may in fact be the single most important challenge to us as we try to be Love. Every single day we encounter wounded and broken human beings who do not know they are Love. Having never been given a chance, or having never chosen to evolve, they find themselves living solely out of their instinctual center. From this fear center, the only way they know how to function is to divide themselves from that which they perceive as different. It is out of this fear that things like racism, classism, sexism, xenophobia, and homophobia arise. While our reasoning minds might not be able to understand how someone would purposefully choose hatred, until we evolve beyond our instinctual drives, anything other than hatred might not be a choice. To put it succinctly, hatred is just another word for fear. While we might despise the actions of someone choosing hatred over Love, we can have compassion and love for the wounded human inside of them who doesn’t know any other way to respond to fear.

While responding to fear/hatred with more fear/hatred might be easy, it is not how we bring more Love into our world. The only way for Love to grow is to be Love ourselves. In being Love and continuing to heal the places in ourselves that have forgotten we are Love, we are  providing humanity with an example of what Love looks like which then gives them an opportunity to make another choice.

Being hatred or being Love?  It is a choice.

Being Love begins with self-knowledge.

The Order of the Magdalene Formation Program provides you with resources, knowledge, and tools to support you in your own journey of self-discovery and empowerment. 

Learn more HERE

Endings

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

I’m writing this for the sake of transparency and to be open and honest about the vulnerability that comes with endings.

Endings: It seems that the work I have passionately nurtured over the past thirty years is coming to an end. I’m not going into the details of this because the details are boring and unimportant. What matters is that many people have been served and found benefit in my in-person and online courses and training programs. I am grateful to have been able to serve in this way and for the creative inspiration that brought these courses and services into being.

Endings: are weird. I should be sad, but I’m not. I have been sad and the grief has gone from despair to terror to writhing, to surrender. Today, I find myself resigned. As St. Paul said, “I’ve fought the good fight. (2 Timothy 4:7)” I’ve been obedient to the inner guidance that compelled me to create these courses and share them. I’ve done what I know how to do to extend invitations for people to participate. I’ve shown up as a facilitator and guide. For a time, people showed up to enthusiastically participate. Over time, that has dwindled. Now there is nothing.

Endings: It’s ok. “To everything there is a season….turn, turn, turn…” But I have to ask, what comes after reaping?

Endings: Nothing. Nothing comes after reaping.  After reaping is fallow time. It’s a time to rest and to wait. It’s a time to simply be. For now, this is what I’m doing. I know better than to beat bushes and chase after potential new opportunities. I know better than to try to hold up something that is already dead. I know better than to force something that is not yet ready to come into being.

Endings: Waiting in the no-thing is hard. Unfinished sorrows come up to be revisited. “Shoulda, coulda, woulda’s” whisper in our ears. With nothing to do we grow restless and impatient. We are tempted to try to “make things happen” when we are really only supposed to be anchored firmly in the void. Fears around survival make their appearance. “How will you pay your bills?  How will you cover rent? What will you do about money?” We are conditioned to act, but during these fallow times, our conditioning no longer serves.

Endings: Wait. Watch. Listen. Be present to whatever faces of grief and temptation show themselves. Refrain from doing or taking action until whatever is coming to take the place of what is ending shows itself. And know that the new, when it comes, will be obvious and exactly what I need at this place in my journey for whatever time I have left on this planet.

Endings: are a blessing for they clear the way for something new and better to take its place – often something we might never expect for ourselves and potentially something beyond our wildest dreams. I am willing to surrender to this ending so that new life might come in – whatever that new life might be.

Endings: another thing I’ve learned is that I am not in charge. Source/God alone knows what it has planned for me. “Let it be done to me according to your word.”

PS: for those who will want to worry, I’m really ok. Sad, yes. Unsure about what is to come, yes. And while I don’t exactly know what this ending will fully look like, it’s been a long-time coming. I’ve experienced endings before and know that here too, something is coming to take its place. It just hasn’t yet shown itself. Without my interference, it will and I will know it when it arrives. Thank you for your kind thoughts and support through this time of unknowing. Love, Lauri.

Humanity’s Enlightenment is NOT my Responsibility!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 4 Comments

Of the friends that I have who have chosen a Buddhist path, several have shared their decision to take the “Bodhisattva Vow.”  With this vow (part of the Mahayana Buddhist path), they promise (among other things) to work for the sake of humanity’s enlightenment to the point of forsaking their own liberation from the wheel of life until all sentient beings have achieved enlightenment. In short, they are promising to return to the human experience – life after life after life – until all of humanity is enlightened.

I’m not Buddhist, and I’m sure there are many layers to this vow and ways to understand it, and I’m only understanding it on a very surface level… but to promise to return to the human experience until all beings are enlightened?

HELL NO!

Don’t get me wrong, I have a deep love of humanity and deeply desire for all of humanity to know peace, love, and joy, and to experience the freedom of liberation. BUT, it sure as hell isn’t MY job to enlighten them. Neither do I plan on waiting around until all humans across all time finally decide to wake up and learn how to be loving and kind to each other. Based on my experience of some humans, I could be waiting around for an eternity.

No thank you!  When I’m done with this life, I’m outta here, hopefully never to return!

Beyond the faith in which I was raised that tells us we’ve already been liberated, and that death is the final liberation, humanity’s enlightenment is not my responsibility. Regarding enlightenment, I can hardly take care of myself!  Besides, if humanity’s enlightenment was my responsibility, a hell of a lot more people would be listening to me. (ha ha ha…thump)

I leave Buddhists to their beliefs, but as one actively recovering from a Messiah Complex, the Boddhisatva vow sounds a little co-dependent – suggesting it’s our job to take care of others to the point of personal sacrifice, and that there is some sort of “award” for doing so. This strikes me as not much different than the Catholic practice of indulgences as a way of earning our way into heaven. If Jesus did his job properly (and we’ve been taught that he did), then we don’t need to do shit to get into heaven. The payment’s already been made (if you subscribe to atonement theology).

I don’t subscribe to atonement theology. Neither do I ascribe to the belief that Jesus died for our sins. Instead, I believe he died for speaking in ways that empowered people on a path that might free them from the ruling institutions of the time. These institutions felt threatened by the “enlightenment” that Jesus offered and killed him for it. That being said, I don’t believe that Jesus was responsible for the enlightenment of those he taught. Neither is he the source of salvation in the way we have been taught by institutional religion. Instead, he found his own enlightenment and simply shared with others how to do the same. His listeners could choose to accept what he offered, or not.

The Bodhisattva vow, along with atonement theology seem to be placing responsibility for enlightenment in the wrong hands. Enlightenment, as I understand it today, is purely the responsibility of the individual. In fact, it may not even be up to the individual to decide as enlightenment may simply be a matter of fate (more on that later).

Arriving at this understanding of enlightenment as being the individual’s responsibility, however, has been an arduous journey. Based on conditioning, life experiences, trauma, and woundedness, I came to believe it was my job to save the world. It stood to reason, if I could convince human beings to be loving and kind, and later, teach them how to get there, the world might finally feel safe.  Right?

WRONG! Instead, I have learned that I cannot convince anyone of anything they do not want to do for themselves, and I certainly can’t do it for them (no matter how hard I tried). Human beings are stubborn and willful and cling tightly to what they know – no matter how harmful that knowing might be to and for them. Jesus spoke of this often! 

What I have come to understand is that the only human I can save is myself – and even that is debatable! This begs the question – from what do I/we need saving anyway?

In the simplest of terms, we are each a unique and individual expression of Source, here to have a human experience. From this perspective, there are an infinite number of ways in which Source might choose to express itself. Within those infinite expressions are infinite choices. In a single life not every human will choose enlightenment. Across many lifetimes, some might never choose enlightenment.

What good is enlightenment anyway if the cycle of the human experience is that we come from Source and when we are done being human we return to Source? We’re here. We have a life. We die. We return to Source. No judgment. No right or wrong. Simply Source expressing itself. In this we have to allow that Source is just as likely to express itself as an oligarch or serial killer as it is to express itself as Buddha or Christ. So what difference does enlightenment make anyway?

To some, enlightenment (as I understand it) is a way to heal and transform from non-loving conditioning, woundedness, and trauma, so that they might experience life as a little more peaceful, kind, and loving and in this they might find contentment. To others, they may have simply come here to be human and experience the fullness of the human experience as it is right here and right now, simply and without judgement or the need to change it.  This, in fact, may be its own kind of enlightenment!

Enlightenment is a personal choice. If you choose it, cool.  If not, that’s ok too.  For my part, I can’t say that I’ve been seeking enlightenment, simply a way to feel at home within myself and to know some measure of peace in this life. If by my choosing and sharing, others feel inspired to cultivate their own kind of enlightenment, then so be it. If not, that’s their business.  It’s not my job to make them do it or try to do it for them.  And I’m certainly not waiting around for the collective of humanity to choose love and kindness over the hatred and cruelty that so many seem to enjoy. I’ve done for myself what I have felt called to do and humanity is on its own. Their enlightenment is not my responsibility.

For over thirty years, I have been on a deeply transformational journey to uncover my truest nature so that I might live the life that most reflects that. This journey has brought me face to face with my own woundedness and non-supportive societal conditioning and led me to tools to help support my inner transformation. This journey has empowered me to find the answer to these three questions and to then live out those answers:

  • Who am I?
  • Whose am I?
  • What are my unique gifts and how am I called to share them in the world?

Out of this journey, I have created a full curriculum of online courses and trainings through which I am able to share the knowledge, insights, wisdom, and tools that I gained so that you too might discover the fulfillment of living the life you were meant to enjoy. These online courses provide for all levels of personal and spiritual development with a focus on embodied learning – that which transcends the mind and reaches into the heart. All classes support you in your journey of self-actualization and are rooted in scholarship, mindfulness practices, and psychology.

Lauri Ann Lumby, educator, author, mentor.

See all classes here.

Pearls to Swine

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Mt 7:6)

It has been said that when we have a lesson to learn, we are continually given opportunities to learn it, until we finally get it. Can I be done with this lesson now, please?????

My entire life I have struggled with the issue of giving my “pearls to swine” – attempting to share my gifts, my knowledge, and my expertise with those who have no appreciation for, give no value to, or have even demonstrated contempt for my gifts. Every time I give into temptation and attempt to share my gifts with “swine,” it blows up in my face, The image that surfaces for me of what this “blowing up in my face” feels like is one of me giving a gift and the recipient crumpling it up and throwing it back in my face. (This literally happened to me once, so I know the origin of this image.)

This lesson is an intense struggle for me for several reasons:

  1. I want to share my gifts. I almost feel like I can’t help but try to share my gifts. It’s like there is a force within me that is compelled to openly share my gifts. In fact, I believe it is the nature of our gifts to want to be shared.
  2. We are taught that our gifts are meant to be shared – freely and without encumbrance.
  3. We were also taught that the purpose of our gifts is a) for the sake of our own fulfillment and b) for the betterment of humankind.

With all these forces at work, driving us to seek out, discover, nurture, cultivate and then share our gifts, what are we to do when people show us over and over and over that they have no interest in or use for our gifts, when they literally stomp on our gifts and throw them back in our face?

This is the answer I had been seeking when the words from Matthew’s gospel (above) appeared in my mind like a flashing billboard.

The easy answer is to STOP attempting to use, share, offer, my gifts to those who repeatedly refuse them. That’s just good boundaries (which brings to mind another scripture):

 “And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.” (Mt 10:14)

Boundaries are easier said than done when our gifts are bubbling over like a pressure cooker – longing, desiring, and compelled to be put to use. For me, I can’t just turn off my gifts. When I share my gifts and they are openly and gratefully received, I feel a sense of rightness.  There is a sense of reciprocity, and the feeling of a circuit being made complete. When my gifts are not received, or outright rejected, I feel the frustration of the circuit being incomplete, or (as in the case of rejection) as if the plug has been pulled right out of me. Depleted of energy, I collapse.

For me, this collapse is at once physical, emotional, and spiritual. I feel bereft, empty, forsaken, disappointed, even despairing. It would be easy to assume that this collapse is simply an emotional reaction to feeling rejected – like I’m taking it personally. Admittedly, there is a bit of that but not nearly as much as I had felt in the past. Instead, it feels more like the consequence of physics. As in the case of electrical energy, when the plug is pulled, preventing the energy (gifts) to reach its intended destination, the device simply stops working. When energy is prevented from reaching its destination, the energy builds up, pressure increases, and the device implodes upon itself.

I feel that this may be how it is with our gifts. Our gifts are meant to be activated. They are meant to be shared. They are meant to be received so the circuit might be complete. But there will always be those among us with whom we are compelled to share our gifts who are not interested in receiving them or who will wholeheartedly reject them.

Shake the dust off our feet and walk away? Stop trying to share our gifts? Sit on our hands and bite our tongues as the gift inside of us is trying to escape?

Yes. But what do we then do with the energy inside of us that seeks to be fulfilled? And what do we do with the very real sorrow that surfaces when we know our gifts would prove to be of benefit if only they could be received?

Honestly, I do not know. This is the quandary I’ve been sitting with and the prayer I have been offering up to the universe. It’s the prayer that has plagued me as I wonder where are those who are able to receive my gifts and how might I find them? I’ve grown exceedingly tired of swine.

Cassandra Syndrome

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

The struggle of feeling unseen and unheard

Two nights ago, I suffered one of my repeating nightmares. In this dream, not unlike many others like it, I was invited to speak to a group of people on a topic about which I was considered an expert. I spoke and no matter what I said, how I said it, or what I did to get the audience’s attention, I was completely ignored. Instead of listening to what I was saying, or paying attention to my presentation, the audience was talking and laughing amongst themselves. Finally, I put down my microphone and simply walked away. The audience didn’t even notice that I had left the podium, or the room.  They just continued with whatever they were doing, completely oblivious to my presence, or lack thereof.

The theme of this dream is one I have often. Speaking, teaching, announcing, begging, pleading with an individual or an audience while being completely ignored – unseen and unheard. At the end of these dreams, I wake up feeling frustrated and even a bit angry.

Why can’t or won’t they hear me?????

I wish I could say these dreams are simply a reflection of my own insecurity or lack of confidence. Instead, these dreams are a direct reflection of real-life experiences I have had. There have been countless occasions where I’ve been invited “as an expert” to speak to an audience or deliver a presentation and quite literally been ignored. I’m standing, or sitting, delivering whatever talk I’ve been invited to present, and I’m met with a room of blank stares. Or worse, as was the case in one corporate presentation, the audience actually made fun of me!  Or in another, where I was hosting a class and an organized group of people showed up to my class simply to harass and abuse me.

It’s not only in delivering presentations where I have felt unseen or unheard. While in graduate school, the university I was attending was going through a massive shake-up which resulted in a change in ownership and leadership. As students we were invited into a “townhall” meeting to discuss these changes and our feelings about it. In my time to share, I offered some suggestions based on my own previous experience with another institution going through something similar. I watched my words go up into the air and fall flat onto the ground while those who were meant to receive these words stared back at me blankly.

These experiences of feeling unseen and unheard have been a plague throughout my life. Whether it be in a teaching situation, when asked to present on a topic of expertise, writing my blog, trying to explain what I do, or offering deep knowledge about impending doom, I am met with blank stares. Sometimes those blank stares turn into any number of incredulous responses: “How can you know that?”  “You’re just being judgmental.” “That can’t be true.”

But the fact remains, I DO KNOW. Whether one calls it prophecy or simply the ability to read the room, I KNOW. And, I’m always right. Every. Single. Time. But no matter how often I’m proven true, or my work is shown to be of value, or others testify on my behalf, I cannot escape the very real experience of most often feeling unseen and unheard. No, it’s more than a feeling, many, arguably most, simply CANNOT hear me. Or if they can hear me, they choose not to listen.

When I shared about the dream on social media, my dear sister-in-law responded “Cassandra.” Admittedly, I had to look this up.  I had heard the terms “Cassandra Complex,” or “Cassandra Syndrome” before, but I didn’t really understand what it meant. As it turns out, neither do the so-called experts!

Every single post on this topic made it sound like “Cassandra Complex” was some sort of psychological disease – one experienced by women who think they are psychic and who go raving mad (“hysterical”) over not being heard. In these articles, the Cassandra is portrayed as sick and at-fault. Nowhere could I find validation for those who possess authentic intuitive gifts (or are just plain paying attention) and the very real frustration that arises when trying to share one’s gifts and being met with only a brick wall.

Cassandra was not the sick or insane person in the myth. The villain in the story is Apollo. Metaphorically, Apollo represents the ruling system and those invested in that system. Apollos are those who benefit from the ruling system, who prefer status quo, and who do not want to be disturbed by ideas that would question, challenge, or confront that system. Cassandra is the confronter. Cassandra brings visions of a new world, presents methods for escaping the status quo, and provides comfort and support for the natural grief that arises when one system is failing and a new one is trying to find its way in.

Cassandras are the truth bringers and light bearers. As light bearers, they often shine a light on that which has been hiding in the shadows and which needs to be confronted and healed to make room for more light. Apollos, as they cling to what they know, feel threatened by that which might point out that what they know might be a lie, or that they may have to let something go to experience something new. Apollos don’t want new. They’re happy with how things are. In response to a threat to their closely-held status-quo, Apollos will either go into a defensive mode, attempting to discredit the Cassandra, or they will simply turn a deaf ear. To the Cassandra, both are equally hurtful.

I have been on the receiving end of the Apollo response too many times to count. I can attest to the pain of being ignored and the deep frustration of being unheard. When met with this kind of refusal (which has often been accompanied by condemnation), I either become angry or feel profoundly defeated. It’s really difficult not being heard.

Yesterday, while struggling with the emotional hangover of the dream, I brought this Cassandra quandary into my prayers. Resigning myself to the reality of being a Cassandra in a world of Apollos just didn’t feel like enough of a response. (I sometimes think there is a fine line between resignation and suppression. Clearly, if I’m still having the dream, my feelings of frustration over not being heard have not truly been healed.) As I sat in wait for God’s answer to my prayer, I heard the simple words:

TURN AROUND

Then I saw, in my mind’s eye, an image of myself turning away from the Apollo world and toward the Cassandras of this world – those who also carry visions of the new, who call out the evils of this world, who seek healing of hearts and unity of spirits. It is not to the Apollos of this world that I am speaking – it is to those who have ears to hear and eyes to see – those who have grown tired of the status quo and who seek after something new that is more loving, gentle and kind than what humanity has heretofore created for itself.

Being a Cassandra in a world of Apollos is never easy, but maybe in turning around I will finally feel heard and seen and that will bring an end to these dreams.

Living in the Thirteenth Dimension

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 4 Comments

Welcome to Lauri Woo Land!  This is where I share my experience with interdimensional living and the journey that allows us to “travel” from one plane of existence to another.

I typically leave these insights for those who have been teaching and speaking about ascension, starseeds, wayshowers, and dare I say aliens, long before I had the language to describe what I have seemingly always known. Since the beginning of March, and most especially the last few days, I have experienced an uptick in experiences and symptoms related to dimensional transitions that I felt I might share in case others in this community are feeling some of the same.

For the last many years, the new age and ascension communities have spoken at length about humanity’s evolution from third-dimensional beings to fifth-dimensional beings. Many have spoken of this evolution creating a split in the world – some remaining in 3d reality while others are choosing to migrate to 5d – the latter known in, and defined by, unity consciousness.

As demonstrated by the wisest among us, unity consciousness has always been available to humanity as it is our original and truest nature. Jesus and Mary Magdalene, the Buddha, Lao Tsu, Kuan Yin, and all the great Indigenous shamans and Indian gurus dwelt within unity consciousness and left behind teachings on how to access this level of consciousness ourselves.

Unity consciousness is nothing new, it has simply been forgotten or is ignored by much of humanity. Instead, human beings take the teachings of these great teachers and twist them to fit their own fear-filled agendas, preferring separation and division to the peace and love modeled by these great teachers.

Outside of unity consciousness, humanity has come to define their experience by fear and have sought power and control over others in an attempt to vanquish their fear. Instead of vanquishment, however, humanity has simply bred more fear.

Division is a choice. So too is Love. Harnessing the teachings and practices of Love modeled and left behind by these great teachers, we can transcend the fear that seems to define the human condition. The more Love we embrace, the more fear is released, and we are increasingly free to live in the heaven of unity consciousness instead of the hell of separation.

There are telltale signs that we are escaping the imprisonment of 3d (fear based) consciousness.  These are the signs I have been experiencing more frequently which suggest to me that escape velocity is approaching, allowing us, not to depart from the human experience, but to knowing a human experience in which fear no longer holds sway and in which Love becomes the Law (or rather, the Law of Love is restored).

Before I get into the signs – it is important to recognize that we are NOT leaving the human experience. Instead, we will be able to navigate human experience as objective witnesses while enjoying the fruitfulness of a Love-based world. I imagine it will be as if there are two worlds existing side by side – or rather one within the other. It’s kind of like Jesus when he spoke of the “Kingdom of God” being within us. He was able to live in the midst of the separation of the human world while maintaining composure and contentment and performing seemingly miraculous feats. (Were Jesus’ “miracles” actually miracles or the natural workings of a consciousness we have not yet attained? The yoga master Patanjali would suggest it was the latter).

For my entire life I have been applying the (original) teachings of Jesus, along with those of other spiritual masters, and I can attest to their efficacy. The healing and liberation I have experienced in my life cannot be understated. At the same time, these teachings have supported me in making peace with freedoms and liberties I have lost through trauma and chronic illness. (Those who say that ascension means the end of all sickness, etc. are wrong.)

I am a different person today than I was thirty years ago – rather, I’m more of my most authentic self. I’ve learned how to be vulnerable, to trust my intuition (gut) above all else, and to name and claim my boundaries. I’m breaking away from co-dependency, caretaking and my wound-based need to fix things. Those imbedded in the 3d world might say I’m an asshole because the rules to which they ascribe no longer apply to me. (PS  people thinking you’re an asshole is a HUGE sign that you are escaping 3d consciousness).

With that, let’s get on with the signs that you are successfully traveling away from separation consciousness toward unity consciousness and beyond.

  1. People think you are an asshole for setting boundaries (saying no to those things which are not life-giving to you).
  2. You are able to observe the conflict of the human experience without needing to react. You can observe it, perhaps feeling sad, frustrated, or disappointed in human beings, but are able to rise above it.
  3. You often find yourself misunderstood. No matter the effort or the words you use, people cannot grasp what you are trying to say – except others living from Love.
  4. You have compassion for all of humanity – even those whose actions you don’t especially like. You can look past their actions to the fear or unhealed wound that would cause them to act in non-loving ways.
  5. You have experiences of feeling invisible or of people not hearing you. You have even had experiences of the majority of human beings having zero awareness that you are even here on this plane.
  6. No matter how hard you try or what time you put in, you find yourself unable to “succeed” in 3d terms. Perhaps “real” jobs elude you. Maybe you can’t catch a financial break. You may suffer from unexplainable illnesses that make it difficult if not impossible for you to hold a “real” job.
  7. You find yourself becoming ill when engaging in the 3d world. (For example, if I read the news or fall down the rabbit hole of American politics, I feel anxious, distracted, dissociating, and sick. Too much time on social media does the same).
  8. You have lost interest in the 3d world. (this is different than depression).  For me, this disinterest is manifesting in a feeling of “being done.” I’m done trying to convince people to be Love, or that there is another way to live. I’m done warning 3d humans of what is to come. I tried. No one listened. Now they are suffering the consequences of their actions. (I am one to say, “I told you so!”)
  9. You feel detached from humanity’s choice to continue living in separation and the consequences of those choices.
  10. You feel as if you are here with and for those who want to be Love. You also feel content to let others continue to choose separation.
  11. You feel as if you are living in another world.
  12. You find yourself with a close company of “weird” friends who understand Love and also want to be Love in the world.
  13. You no longer care if others think you’re weird.
  14. You feel truly seen by those who have also chosen Love.

Living beyond 3d consciousness is not the whoo-whoo/la la that many make it out to be. It is not rainbows and unicorns. Neither is it necessarily bliss. Instead, it is the ability to be witness to the human experience with all its imperfections and tragedies and not be destroyed by it. It is the ability to hold on to Love no matter how much we are tempted to hate. It is the willingness to accept responsibility for our unhealed wounds and the actions that might still come from our own place of fear. It is the ability to show up every moment of every day to our practice, returning again and again and again to Source when the human experience of separation tries to pull us away. Living beyond 3d consciousness is loving but it is also fierce. Those still living in 3d consciousness might despise us because every minute we remain in Unity we are showing them that there is another way. They know what they would have to give up in choosing Love over fear. Few are willing to take that risk. And yet, for those called to Unity, we have no other choice. It is indeed what we are here for – to return to unity consciousness and to show humanity there is another way.

Hold the Line

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

Hold the Line

Love isn’t always on time.

These are the words that keep dancing around in my head. As we are continuing to be witness to the collapse of the world as we have known it, these are important words to remember.

Love does not come in our time.  Love comes in “God’s” time. We are not in charge of the unfolding of current events. Instead, we are witnesses and Love-bearers.

As witnesses our job is to watch, observe, and hold space for all the many faces of grief we will experience in the face of the death-throes of the patriarchy. As Love-bearers, we are meant to observe the unfolding from a place of non-judgment and detachment.

Love is universal. All are made by and for Love. Even (especially) those we perceive to be living a life contrary to Love. Jesus said “Love thy neighbor,” and “Pray for your enemies.”  Our neighbors are those we perceive to be like us. Our enemies – well, we know who they are. We are called to Love them – one and all.

I know, easier said than done. When we watch humans being cruel toward each other, treating one another with disrespect, acting as if some are deserving of liberties and others are not, it is hard.

When it is hard, we are called to pray for ourselves.  “Help me in my unbelief.” “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” “Into your hands I commend my spirit.”  “Teach me how to Love.”

All are wounded seeking to be free. Some know they are wounded and are seeking their own healing. Most aren’t even aware they’re wounded and are simply acting out of those wounds.

Love one another. Pray for each other’s healing.

And don’t interfere. It is said “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”  The same is true of humans. The difference between horses and humans is that humans can’t even be led. All we can do is our own work of being Love in the world and being that Love more fully. Sometimes, our presence awakens others to the Love within themselves, and to the invitation to knowing that Love. Sometimes our presence pisses people off. Neither is within our control. It’s not personal. It’s none of our business.

Each of our names are written on the palm of God’s hands. Our lives are written in Her book. If you are reading this, you are here simply for the purpose of Love. Be that Love and live from that Love and that is all you need to know.

Hold the line. The Love that you are is always on time.

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When the Invisible becomes Visible

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

I have lived my entire life simply by the whisperings of faith. If it feels right, or hits me square between the eyes, I have pursued it. No questions asked. (No, that’s a lie. I’ve had lots of questions, doubts, bargaining and asking, “God, are you really sure about this?”  God has always been sure. My human self – not so much).

Faith is a strange thing because we are most often taught that faith requires effort. We’re told to “believe,” and we will be rewarded for that belief. We’re taught that “faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains,” implying that if we can’t move the mountain, we either don’t have enough faith or we’re not trying hard enough. The same is true about walking on water.

This has not been my experience of faith at all!  Instead, faith has been like a wave in the ocean that pushes me forward into a certain direction and try as I might, I cannot resist that flow. Faith has lifted me out of certain life situations and my own ill-conceived plans, and dropped me on another shore. Faith is a force I have ceased from resisting, as I have learned that there is nothing but hardship in denying ourselves the force of faith’s movement. Faith knows better what is right for us than what we could ever conceive of ourselves.

Faith is what has kept me going when I thought all was lost and there was no more hope. Faith has kept me true to my path despite my doubt and the outward appearance(s) of failure. Faith has moved me beyond western definitions of success and into a place where I (mostly) know and trust that my presence is planting some kind of seed and my efforts are producing a kind of fruit that I just don’t yet see.

Recently, I was gifted with several opportunities to see that fruit. This fruit was not what I was looking for, neither was it what I had expected. Yet, the visible appearance of this fruit filled my heart to overflowing, gave validation to my choices, and has made me profoundly grateful and humbled.

Western conditioning trains us to look for proof of our success in something big. We’re told to look for the flashing billboard and a pile of wealth. We’re instructed to believe that a teacher is measured by the number of students they have (not the number of teachers they empower).

Faith has shown me something else. Instead, of the above, what I was given to see is that the fruits of my efforts are subtle, invisible, yet deeply rooted. I was given to see that my presence and the simple effort of me just being me has had a profound impact on several people’s lives. In not one, but several conversations in the past week, I was told, in very visible terms, how my presence has impacted people’s lives.

I can only respond to the gratitude expressed by these many acquaintances/friends with my own gratitude along with a deep humility in knowing that I did not do that! Yes, I was the vessel through which they experienced my presence as gift, but it was, and has always been, God/Faith working through me. And here’s the most startling fact about this fruit – the majority of those who shared their gratitude, only two had ever set foot in my office or taken one of my classes. These were mostly people I have simply encountered in my journey of being me.

I guess we never truly know the impact we have in other people’s lives until Faith steps in to show us, making the invisible visible.