Mission/Purpose/Calling

Hell ‘N Back

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 6 Comments

I’m writing today’s missive as part affirmation, part validation and a big heaping of THANK YOU to all the wayshowers, pioneers, first-wavers, shit-disturbers, and revolutionaries who have endured untold suffering and loss and who now live to be witness and guide to those who are coming after us (not as in pursuit, but in chronology).  

Indeed, we have been to hell and back!

My journey into hell began in early 2000 when the universe I had been building for myself began to crumble around me. Mine was a journey that began with great optimism and hope but eventually turned into one devastating loss after another.  Loss, of course, is relative. For me, the losses included the ending of several significant relationships (including a marriage), the death of a career, the loss of perceived community, the experience of poverty, brief homelessness, bankruptcy, and a pile up of chronic illnesses that have negatively impacted abilities that I once took for granted.

In the midst of these losses, many good things happened as well, the greatest of which is a deepening knowledge of who I truly am including the calling to embrace a more deeply monastic lifestyle rooted in sacred practice, solitude, and quiet service to humanity.

Somewhere in my journey into hell, I set aside the conditioned belief that our value is defined by what we do and that success is determined by how hard we work.

Now, I prefer a life of ease – one in which being takes priority over doing, and if doing is called for, it is only that which comes forth out of a deep state of being. As such, I no longer seek after things to do, causes to take up, or a humanity to save.  Instead, I sit in quiet observation of the unfolding of human evolution and wait for those moments when humans seek me out for guidance or support.

I know I am not alone in this because I am surrounded by individuals who have been through their own version of hell and in that journey have been remade. No more are they imprisoned by the conditioning of western culture. No more are they tempted by the pursuit of shiny objects. No more are they willing to exist within the hellscape of late-stage capitalism, but have chosen a new way of being that defies what we were once told was required for our survival.

No longer are we subject to the rules of an outside perceived authority but have discovered our own truth – that which can only be found within.

For generations humanity has been raised on lies. These were the lies created by the ruling classes to imprison us in servitude.

The time of lies is coming to an end, but in order to uncover the truths that have been hidden by these lies, we first had to die to what we were taught to believe and believe in. Every single thing that was imposed from outside of us had to come up for review. Those things we took for granted were wrestled from our grasp. We were made to confront our attachments to money, power, fame, familiarity, control, the status quo…and let them go…kicking and screaming as they were pulled from our cold, dead, hands.  

And we had to do this over and over and over again until there was nothing left of our conditioned selves and all that remained was our Truth.

This is the journey we are now called to witness for others. Having survived (likely exhausted, gasping, and bleeding) our own journey to hell and back, we now have the experience and wisdom to be of support to others.

Lest you are tempted to believe this is a call to action, IT IS NOT. It is not our job to seek out those who might need our support.  Instead, we are called to tend to ourselves. To support ourselves in our continued healing. To live quietly in our truth. To bear witness to humanity’s evolution and to wait for those who may one day seek our support.  

Thank you for all you have endured in your own journey to hell and back. I see you and I acknowledge the sacrifice, the suffering, and all you were made to leave behind. My hope is that in that journey you have come to know yourself more fully and have made yourself free of what previously imprisoned you so that you can enjoy the inner freedom that comes when we successfully find our way out of hell.

With the deepest gratitude and love,

Lauri

Strange Days

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I knew, when I looked at my calendar for this week and found I had zero appointments, that this was going to be a weird week. In the past, I would have panicked about the lack of potential income, but I have since come to understand that when my calendar appears empty, my energies are being called for service in other ways. And “boy-howdy” has this proved to be the case.

I cannot share the details of where my energies have been called, but I can say that I’m trying to recover while knowing there are still a few intense days ahead from which I will likely need even more recovery time. This is beyond the normal shenanigans of my energy being called to support the dying of the patriarchal world!!!

Such is the fate of an energy-worker/healer/empath. While the world seeks to evaluate us based on number of clients, income, fame, and other capitalistic measurements of so-called success; we are out here being of service to the world in a multitude of invisible and immeasurable ways. Fortunately, I no longer measure myself based on the dying paradigms, but it has taken me years to free myself from these entanglements. Now, I surrender to the unfolding of this work and know that my needs are being provided for and that capitalistic measurements of “success” have nothing to do with me. The work of Love stands on its own.

In doing the work of Love, our lives are not our own. We came here to be of service to humanity at a time of profound transition/transformation. We are here to bear witness to the dying world while holding space in which the new world can begin to take root. This is happening on both the macrocosmic and microcosmic level.

On the global level, it is about witnessing the collapse of patriarchal empires and institutions and supporting humanity through this shift. On a microcosmic level, it is about being witness to the millions of tiny ways in which individuals and organizations are being forced to examine the ways in which they have been influenced by patriarchal conditioning and the choices they are being given to move from fear-based conditioning to Love. For those who have benefitted from patriarchal norms, these will be times of great pain. For those clearing these influences and the individuals who embody these influences, these may be challenging times, but will ultimately clear the way for what is more closely aligned with Love to take the place of fear.

Indeed, we are living through a time of unprecedented change. Each day seems to be stranger than the one before. There is no way for us to know from one day to the next what will come our way or how our energies will be called into service. All we can do is meet each moment as it comes and trust that if it appears we have nothing to do, that perhaps it is in those times of “no-thing” that our gifts are being most utilized, and give ourselves the care and recovery we need to be ready when our gifts are called for again.

Please join me for my upcoming 6-week LIVE course, UNCHAINED. In this course, you will be guided through the traits of patriarchal conditioning and how to free yourself from the imprisonment of this conditioning.

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central

March 5 – April 9, 2025

(sessions are recorded for later viewing if you are unable to attend live)

Learn more HERE.

Hope in the Perceived Darkness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Donald J. Trump has officially been sworn in as the 47th president of the United States. Across social media platforms, the reactions have been either silence or sentiments of despair and hopelessness. I haven’t yet seen celebration, but I’ve definitely seen grief.

As for myself, I have spent too many years and too much time in deep prayer over the role Donald Trump is playing in the unfolding human drama to get upset. Once I got over the initial shock in 2016 of his victory over Hillary Clinton (let’s be honest, Hillary was less than a perfect candidate), I prayed, “Please help me understand the larger purpose at work here.” I’ve shared before what I was given to understand, but I’ll share it again in case you missed it:

Donald Trump is playing the role of the Angel of Death.

Biblically, the Angel of Death arrived at crossroads times to bring liberation to the enslaved by destroying the power of the ruling class. The Angel of Death is perceived as benevolent from the perspective of those being liberated, and malevolent by those who are losing their power.

In the short term, it may appear as if a Trump presidency will deprive some of freedoms they once had while elevating the status of the ruling class, but there is so much more at play here than what is in our immediate sight.

Stepping back……way back…..away from the media propaganda, political rhetoric, and those who benefit from creating (perceived) division….is a 10,000 year old human experiment coming to an end. This experiment began with fear and ended with patriarchal power. This experiment has reached its limits and will result in the extinction of humankind if equilibrium is not restored.

Donald Trump is being called to play a role in the restoration of that equilibrium.  In the short term, and through eyes conditioned by division, we may not like what we see. To see evidence of this restoration we will have to look at things through a new set of eyes.  Some of this evidence we may already see. For some, we will have to look beyond what is right in front of us to a time that we do not yet know.

Hope and Trust are two words that may prove helpful as we navigate this transitory time.

Hope – not in that which is outside of us, in some person of perceived authority and power – but hope in ourselves. A big part of the dying system is the savior complex – the idea or illusion that there is someone outside of us who is going to save us. Instead, we are here to save ourselves. We are the hope we’ve been looking for.

Trust – in a bigger story at play. In the natural unfolding of the universe story. In a higher plan. In God (if that is your thing). But most importantly – Trust in yourself. Trust in the Love that you are. Trust that this Love has the power to not only transform yourself, but also has the power to transform the world.

As the Angel of Death, Donald Trump is helping to facilitate the destruction of all the institutions and systems that have benefitted from the conditioning that has left us feeling powerless. On the other side of this destruction, should we accept the invitation, is a world in which all of humanity is empowered to come forward with our own unique giftedness for the sake of our own fulfillment, and in service to the good of the all. This can only happen, however, if we have hope and trust in ourselves and believe in the power of Love.

By dividing we have been conquered.

By uniting we will be set free.

Finding Our Way to Peace

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

We are conditioned in this world to look outside of ourselves for the things we need. In some cases, this is rightly so – food, clothing, and shelter for example. But for the things we need most – contentment, joy, love, and peace – we can only find these within.

Finding our way to peace is solely an inside job. Whereas we may be freer to access the peace that resides within us through a change in the external circumstances of our lives, it is only from within that we can find and deepen that peace. It is also in cultivating our own inner peace that we are able to access the inner resources we need to discern our readiness and make external change when called for.

While peace may only be found within, we continue to seek outside for that peace. We wait and hope for the world and the people around us to change so that we might know peace. We cast our gaze outward for evidence of the manifestation of our prayers for peace. We sit in expectation for the day in which our prayers for peace will be made real.

But the truth remains – those who do not know inner peace cannot be a part of manifesting peace on earth. Conflict and war exist because human beings are not at peace. If human beings knew peace within themselves, then there would no longer be hardship, hunger, poverty, homelessness, or war and the needs of every human being would be met – not just so they might survive, but so they might thrive.

Our own search for peace, however, does not depend on any other human knowing peace. Neither can any other human being infringe on our ability to dwell within (or at least return to) that deep well of inner peace. Our peace is independent of any one else’s peace or lack thereof. We are the sole creator of our own peace.

Creating that peace, however, doesn’t happen overnight. Neither is it a simple task. In order to know the peace that dwells within and to know it even more deeply, we must embark on a deep and arduous journey of inner work.

First, we must create the space in our lives through which we might glimpse this peace. For me, this is my daily spiritual practice. We must create the time and space for our practice and remain diligent and persistent in it.

Then we need Grace. I cannot say how it will happen for you, but for me, Grace arrived in the midst of my practice and showed me a glimpse into my Union with Source. In this experience, everything fell away except for the light of this Union. In this I experienced contentment beyond understanding. This moment of Grace was but a moment, but through that one encounter I have remained motivated to keep going.

The “going” is the arduous part of the journey. The journey becomes our practice and life itself shows us all the places within where we have forgotten Union with Source (what I call “Love”). All comes up for review. The review is ongoing and never-ending. Over and over and in increasingly subtle ways, we come up against all the places where we have forgotten that we are Love – forgetfulness brought forth through our conditioning, past wounds, traumas, etc. In becoming aware of these wounds, we are given an opportunity to heal them. In acknowledging the wounds and inviting their healing, we are again met with Grace, for we are not healing our own wounds, they are being healed for us. Our simple task is to say yes to the healing.

Healing the wounds may be simple, but showing up again and again for them to be healed is not. Our egos and our need to control (a function of the ego) get in the way. We often become impatient with the journey and wonder if it will ever end. It will not – but we must remain diligent, disciplined, and persistent in our task. Yes, we can quit, but as many have discovered, the Universe finds ways to drag us back to the task.

When we are called to know peace, we don’t really have a choice but to continue the search. We continue day in and day out, no matter our mood.  We become angry, frustrated, disheartened, and despairing, but we continue. We continue because our soul will not give us rest, for the rest we ultimately seek can only be found within and the world provides an infinite number of distractions – including the desire for peace in our world.

Human beings will never know peace until we find our own peace within – and that peace begins with me.

Now say this to yourself: “That Peace Begins with Me,” then find and be that peace.

The journey toward peace begins with a single step: starting and maintaining a spiritual practice.

In this course, you will learn what a spiritual practice is, dispel myths around meditation, and be instructed in a myriad of spiritual practices so that you might find the one or two that speak to you and begin your practice.

Learn more and enroll here.

Wise Council of Elders

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

In a few days I will be turning 60.  Past thirty, I haven’t really cared about age. I still don’t except that I kinda feel like I’m done. Not “done-done,” just without any sort of compass, map, itinerary or plan. What does one do and where does one go when you’ve already done all you set out to do – and then some?

  • I completed a college degree and went back to school for several more.
  • I’ve had many jobs.
  • I got married and divorced.
  • I bore and raised two amazing children who are pretty wonderful adults.
  • I’ve written and published eleven books.
  • I’ve created and taught the curriculum of over thirty separate classes.
  • I’ve guided many through my Magdalene training program.
  • I’ve counselled another many.
  • I’ve created videos and podcasts.
  • I’ve rebuilt my website too many times to count.
  • I’ve made many friends (and left a few behind).

With a few exceptions, I planned for very little of this!  Things came my way with an invitation to pursue them, and I did – with a passion and vigor.

Now, the slate is clean. My books and courses will always be there and available for those who feel so-called, and I don’t feel the call to create any more. I’m always available for counsel. My children will always be a part of my life, as will a handful of friends. Other than that, I have no specific plans, and nothing that is beckoning pursuit.

Instead, all I have before me is the present moment and whatever meets me there. When inspiration to write comes, I follow. I continue to work at my “chop wood carry water” job. And my practice continues to be the central focus of each day – actually each moment of every day, included in that practice are the only words that seem to speak to me now – those of the Tao Te Ching.

Other than that – nadda. Unless we count the dream that occurred the other night:

In the dream, I was shown a seemingly empty room.  The room was rectangular in shape with shining maple-colored floors. As I was being shown the room I heard the words, “Wise Council of Elders,” and then felt a tap on my knee that awakened me to see the truth of the room.  It was not empty but filled with ageless women and men of all races. I immediately came to see that I was one among them. I had always been one among them, only now I was awakened to this truth.

Then I woke up.  I know better than to ponder the meaning of the dream, so instead, I am simply sitting with the invitation and the awareness. What does it mean to be one among the Wise Council of Elders?  I guess time will tell.

My dear spiritual brother Bill Tonnis sent me his most recent song that reflects the sentiments in this blog:

Please enjoy Bill’s inspiring music!

No. I Can’t Help You

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Confession:  I’m a fixer. Part of being a fixer is a gift. The other part is a defense mechanism and a curse.

The gift part of being a fixer is the ability to see what could be improved in an environment so that it might more successfully thrive. It is also the ability to see what could cause a situation, environment, relationship, etc. to fail and to offer course-corrections that would help to prevent that failure. This improvement-oriented gift has been further developed in me through years of education and experience in a wide range of professional fields. Those who have sought me out for these gifts and applied my guidance have benefitted greatly. I have benefitted by applying these gifts to myself.

The fixer defense mechanism, on the other hand, rises up in me when I feel unsafe in an environment thereby triggering my own survival instinct to seek out ways to restore my feelings of safety. With the energy of hyper-vigilance, I seek out the “wrong” in the environment and then I attempt to fix that wrong. These efforts almost always blow up in my face.

The challenge of being a fixer is that there is no clear line between gift and defense mechanism. Often, these bleed into each other, usually resulting in catastrophe – if not for “the other” then most definitely for me. As a fixer, it is sheer torture watching institutions, individuals, humanity, making the same mistakes over and over and over while refusing to apply the actions that could help them.  Many don’t really want to be helped. Even when they ask for help, they may not really want that help. Most often, they are unwilling to take the necessary actions that would help them.

In the past several years, my “fixer” tendencies have come up for review. Where and how are they helpful? When are they problematic? The answer is complicated, but to put it simply:

  1. When someone invites my professional support and guidance, offer it, but with no attachment to outcome. They may apply it.  They might not.
  2. Identify those who continually ask for support but who really don’t apply it and learn how to disengage. It’s ok to say, “No, I cannot help you.”
  3. If they haven’t asked for my professional support, KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.

The reality is that there are three kinds of people:

  1. those who want help and will do the work to help themselves,
  2. those who say they want help but really don’t,
  3. and those who definitely do not want help.

For my own mental and emotional wellbeing, I have had to learn (and relearn, and learn again) how to tell the difference while also caring for myself when overcome by the frustration and grief that surfaces when witnessing humans walk the path of their own destruction.

(PS: Being a fixer is also a form of co-dependency. Alanon, ACA, and AA principles have proven helpful in healing myself of this pattern. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change….”)

Helping You Help Yourself!

Soul School with Lauri Ann Lumby provides the basics of self-discovery and personal development. Rooted in embodied educational practices, mindfulness, and creativity, you will be supported in discovering your unique giftedness, healing the obstacles to living out those gifts for the sake of your own fulfillment, and empowered to enjoy a life of authentic freedom.

Learn More HERE

When We Fail

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 4 Comments

I live in two different worlds: the world of Lauri Ann Lumby – author, spiritual counselor, educator, ordained minister; and the world of Lauri Lumby – office manager for a local arts/dance academy.

Living in the world of Lauri Ann Lumby is easy. Sharing my gifts flows without effort. I am filled and fulfilled when sharing my gifts. The people that receive my gifts come to me because they see value in what I offer and because my sharing helps them in some subjective way. In this world I’m in charge of my time, the environment in which I work, and I get to decide how and with whom I will work.

The world of Lauri Lumby is a challenge. There, my administrative abilities are the focus – not my soul gifts. Here I’m not in charge of the environment or the people. I do not get to chose with whom or how I will work. There it’s noisy, chaotic, and I’m forced to work outside of my comfort zone. My soul thrives in a structured, ordered, planned environment. The world of Lauri Lumby is everything but this.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the gifts I experience living in both worlds. The former feeds my soul.  The latter prevents me from disappearing into my hermitage and in that world, I have gotten to know some truly amazing children and their families. I also find myself nourished by being in proximity to the arts. Finally, the latter pays my rent – something critical for the other world to survive.

The real challenge, however, comes when the gifts of Lauri Ann Lumby try to bleed into the world of the other Lauri. Lauri Ann Lumby sees and knows things. She can’t help but identify growth areas in an individual and in environments. She knows when things aren’t working out and how that might be repaired. Lauri Ann Lumby is improvement oriented. When Lauri Ann Lumby’s improvement orientation is triggered in the world of the other Lauri, things get really uncomfortable – not necessarily for anyone else but for me.

Unless….until….the soul-need to share my gifts goes unmet for so long that it starts to come out sideways. Which it did last night. In a moment of frustration over a pile-up of frustrations, I spoke harshly to a group of students who were not following instructions that I thought everyone understood. I made one of those students cry. ☹

I felt so bad.  I never want to make a student cry.   I immediately apologized and later, I went back and explained to the student that I had taken my frustration out on her over something completely unrelated to her. I’m not sure if she understood, and the damage was probably already done. I hope over time she will forgive me. I hope over time I’ll be able to forgive myself.

Being human is hard. We try our best. We attempt to manage our stress and anxiety. We try to find balance in environments whose dynamics are outside our preference. We try to be honest about our feelings and ask for our needs to be met. Sometimes our needs are met. Often they are not. We then work through the grief, frustration, even anger over needs going unmet. We apply self-care and engage in our mindfulness/stress-relief practices.

But sometimes…..sometimes…..it’s just too much and we lose our shit. Sometimes innocent people are the recipients of the shit we lose.

Being human is hard – especially when you’re already a perfectionist and recovering people-pleaser.

We do our best. We are sometimes successful. More often, we fail. The best we can do when we fail is to seek inside of ourselves, ask ourselves why, and do something to manage that why. Then we apologize and take responsibility for our failure, hoping that in time, the wounds resulting from the failure might heal – our own, and those we may have hurt simply because we are human.

email lauri@lauriannlumby.com to schedule a session.

Lauri Ann Lumby has over twenty-five years of experience as an educator, facilitator, spiritual counselor and soul-guide. She has supported hundreds through her one-on-one guidance, books, workshops, retreats, over thirty online courses, and online community.

Lauri is and author and a poet and has published eleven books including Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy, and her popular novel Song of the Beloved, the Gospel According to Mary Magdalene.

Lauri earned her master’s degree in Transpersonal Psychology from Sofia/ITP University, is a trained Spiritual Director in the Ignatian tradition and has certificates in Adult Education and Psycho-Spiritual Development. Lauri is a Reiki Master Practitioner in both the Usui and Karuna traditions and is an ordained interfaith minister. 

UFO’s Aliens Disclosure

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

One of this week’s top headlines has been about multiple UFO sightings over New Jersey and other places along the Eastern seaboard.  My response to the UFO’s is “Mothership, take me home.” I know I’m not alone in these sentiments.

Many people I know have feelings of not being from here – of not fitting in, of not being like other humans, having sensitivities, etc. that others seem not to have. It sometimes gives me comfort to believe I’m not from here – explaining why I feel so often out of place. I have offered this suggestion to others who have found these thoughts equally comforting.

But what if it’s true?  What if we’re really not from here? What if we were sent here from another dimension, planet, plane, galaxy, universe so that we might help to save human beings from themselves? On many days, it seems like this might be the case.

I would consider this nothing more than a comforting fantasy if I haven’t had sooooo many otherwise unexplainable encounters and experiences of otherworldly beings. This full-disclosure is not something I often share, but it seems with the increasing talk of aliens and UFO’s it might be time.

I have had enough first-hand encounters with non-human entities that I am fully convinced that we are not alone. Further, I am certain that many of us are not fully-human, but are hybrids of some kind from other worlds, perhaps sent here to show humanity that there is another way of being. Case in point: A friend of mine recently shared with me well-documented military proof of other-worldly intervention in what could have been catastrophic human actions – cases where (for example) nuclear arms were inactivated by other worldly means. Don’t take my word for it – do a simple Google search using the terms: UFO. Northern tier. Nuclear Silos.

Evidence like this suggests to me that other-worldly beings are not something to fear but are here and involved for the sake of our higher good. The other-worldly encounters I have had further support this belief. Yes, they were startling experiences, and the appearance of some of these “beings” was so dramatically different than our own that they initially caused me fear.  Once I got past the fear, however, I was able to be open to their reason for reaching out and could receive their messages to me and to humanity. Sometimes (often) the messages are less of a message and more akin to a download – where I feel the energy of information, knowledge, even healing being pumped into me. Sometimes, their appearance was simply to communicate protection and support. I have since learned to welcome their appearance in the same way I would the appearance of an ancestor or an angel. Who’s to say, maybe aliens are the angels the bible and the Quran have spoken of for centuries.

The way in which these encounters have surfaced for me, further convince me that it’s not likely “the mothership” will be showing up as any sort of physical craft. Instead, these beings seem to have the ability to move through dimensions and planes – showing up at the foot of my bed, in my dreams, during meditation, and in any other number of times where the veil between worlds is thin. Sometimes, the veil isn’t thin, they just show up, wanting to be known.  Only once have I seen/encountered a “ship,” but that may simply have been me seeing into a room that is in reality light years or universes away.

Additionally, I have had a few experiences that could be interpreted as alien abduction but as is true of all alien counters, there’s no way to prove it as the only witness there has ever been is myself.

Are aliens and UFO’s simply a function of our imagination? Perhaps we will never know. For myself, it doesn’t matter if my encounters were objectively true. They felt real enough to me to give them credit and to experience the benefits that have come from said-encounters.

To all the aliens among us, including ourselves, thank you for whatever support you have been and continue to bring to humanity. It’s comforting to know we’re not doing this alone and that perhaps there is something out there (or within us) that will keep us from doing further harm to ourselves.

Please, may it be so!

Assembling Your “Stay-Bag”

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Recently, I have heard a lot of chatter in the news and in social media about assembling go-bags. The go-bag contains necessary items for survival for when the shit hits the fan. Go-bags are equally helpful in case of a natural disaster forcing evacuation.  Amazon even sells already assembled go-bags with more things than anyone would even think they might need.

In this chatter I hear many people talking about fleeing the country should (insert reason here) happen. While fleeing the country might entertain our thoughts, the reality is that many, if not most of us do not have the resources or the means to leave.  Furthermore, what, if any, country is willing to welcome asylum-seeking Americans into their country, especially when current political rhetoric centers around the threat of closing our own borders? (insert shrug emoji)

The reality is that no matter how bad things might get, most Americans have no choice but to stay put – if not for financial reasons, then by calling. I, for one, have been told in no uncertain terms is fleeing America a choice for me. I am meant to stay here and ride out the waves of whatever may come – being both witness and a source of support for those who need it. I suspect the same is true for many. I know the same to be true for many I call colleagues and friends.

For those of us who are to stay put, we will not be assembling our go-bag.  Instead, we are being called to assemble our “stay-bag.”  The stay-bag is all that we need to survive where we are. While the stay-bag may vary from person to person, there are essential elements that I believe we all need:

  • A sound practice – one that allows us to find center when all that is around us is chaos.
  • A place we can call sanctuary. For me, this is my home. In this sanctuary, we are able to find rest and feelings of safety from the chaos of the outside world. My home is my monastery, my church, and the place where I welcome family and friends.
  • A safe community – for me this is my family, close friends, and colleagues. Some are local. Some are at a distance.
  • SOS contacts – those we can turn to when it all becomes too much or feels completely insane. Those with whom we can be vulnerable and share the deepest fears or losses of our hearts.
  • Professional Support – spiritual counselors (like me), therapists, yoga teachers, massage therapists, acupuncturists, compassionate physicians, etc.  Anyone and everyone that we can turn to for our own well-being.  
  • Enjoyment – those simple things that nourish our souls. Books, TV, spending time with friends, art, music, dancing, being in nature, etc. In this, it is helpful to remember that even in the darkest of times, humanity has found support and inspiration in “the arts” – whatever form those arts took.

In this season of giving, and as we approach the new year, perhaps the most important thing we can give to ourselves is all that we need to survive this next stage in the evolution of human consciousness and the unfolding of the American experiment.

What is in your “stay-bag?”

On the Verge of Tears

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 5 Comments

As I read through the comments on Sunday’s blog, the energy and words I heard were, “always on the verge of tears.” I heard these words as true for me, and wondered if it has also been true for others.

I believe we have a lot to cry about.

As one who has been on the forefront of the human consciousness evolution, calling myself (among other things): lightworker, shadow worker, depth worker, healer, guide, prophet, witch, and starseed, I have been both witness to and participant in what many have called (incorrectly) ascension.

To put it in simple terms: I have felt a calling and a drive to be part of a movement to provide humanity with the healing it needs to live more fully from love and less from a place of fear. Since 1994, this work has consumed me.

It’s been a bittersweet journey. I’ve seen the benefit of deep inner work within myself, in my ability to parent my children, in my work with clients and in conversations with friends and collaborators. I have found a community of people in Oshkosh, and beyond, who are involved in similar and complementary work. I have established an online community of a few who are equally committed to being love in the world for the sake of the betterment of the human experience. I am connected with hundreds of people online who are committed to this kind of work through their own unique gifts.

And yet….I find myself weary. I know many others who have also grown weary.

Human beings are a stubborn lot. Firmly attached to the status quo. Resistant to change. Often seeing change-makers and visionaries as the enemies, leading some to resist that change through violence. It seems humanity would prefer to live in a world of hatred and fear than to do the deep inner work of healing that which causes them to be non-loving toward themselves and others.

Remember when this work was supposed to be completed by 2012?  (insert hysterical sarcastic laughter) How we find ourselves approaching the end of 2024 and not much has changed. Human beings are still making war and solving conflicts through threats of violence. Humans continue to be greedy, destructive, and jealous.

In short, humans kinda suck.  It’s why I refuse to claim membership within the human species. I’m not sure what I am, but not one who thrives on being cruel to other human beings. (admittedly, some might consider me cruel – but in reality, I just have really good boundaries!)

When I look at humanity, I feel sad. I’m sad that they would choose hatred over compassion, fear over love, violence over peace. I’m dumbfounded by the dogged clutching after separation, division, prejudice, and discrimination.

Perhaps I wouldn’t be so saddened by humanity’s choice if I hadn’t discovered another way. This “other way” was somehow present in my heart from the moment of my birth/conception. I also found that “other way” in the peace movement of the late 1960’s and early 70’s. I further found it in the social justice work performed by the church in which I was raised. Most acutely I discovered it in Jesus’ teachings – not as they were taught to me from the pulpit, but that which I discovered through my own meditation, prayer, contemplation, and study, additionally reflected in the spiritual teachings of the ancients whose books have fallen into my lap over these very many years.

I know I’m not alone in this. Everyone with whom I have been doing this work, talking about this work, supporting this work, speaks of “another way.” This “other way” came to us. We did the work to be healed by it and to be made more whole. We’ve tried to share it with others. We’ve even provided the resources and tools for human beings to learn to become this love themselves.

And yet…..here we are.

I am weary. I am sad. Pretty much every day I feel on the verge of tears. Tears over what? Not getting my way? Tears over all that I/we have given up to do this work? Crying over the things that could have been had we not been called into this movement of love? Weeping over what others seem to have/enjoy that were never an option for me/us? Tears over the friends, family, clients who feel away over the years? Grief over all those millions who have died simply because humanity refused to set aside their separation and learn how to love?

Indeed.  There is a lot to cry about.

And maybe this is part of the limbo I spoke about. Maybe we need this in-between time to process all we’ve been through. Perhaps we need this time to grieve – to grieve all we personally lost, all we were made to leave behind, all the difficulty and struggle we’ve experienced in choosing love over fear. Grieving all the times we’ve been misunderstood, ignored, ridiculed, condemned. Weeping over the deep loneliness that comes in doing this work.

If indeed we are at the end of something and preparing for something new to take its place, grief is not only predictable but appropriate.

When we feel on the verge of tears, the invitation is to embrace these tears as part of our grieving, and in giving those tears release, allowing healing to take its place. Or if you’re like me and you’re on medication that hinders your ability to cry, find those things that help to bring them on. Yesterday for me, it was watching the “Making of Mary Poppins” documentary on Hulu – the bird lady does it to me every time!