Mission/Purpose/Calling

Humanity’s Enlightenment is NOT my Responsibility!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 4 Comments

Of the friends that I have who have chosen a Buddhist path, several have shared their decision to take the “Bodhisattva Vow.”  With this vow (part of the Mahayana Buddhist path), they promise (among other things) to work for the sake of humanity’s enlightenment to the point of forsaking their own liberation from the wheel of life until all sentient beings have achieved enlightenment. In short, they are promising to return to the human experience – life after life after life – until all of humanity is enlightened.

I’m not Buddhist, and I’m sure there are many layers to this vow and ways to understand it, and I’m only understanding it on a very surface level… but to promise to return to the human experience until all beings are enlightened?

HELL NO!

Don’t get me wrong, I have a deep love of humanity and deeply desire for all of humanity to know peace, love, and joy, and to experience the freedom of liberation. BUT, it sure as hell isn’t MY job to enlighten them. Neither do I plan on waiting around until all humans across all time finally decide to wake up and learn how to be loving and kind to each other. Based on my experience of some humans, I could be waiting around for an eternity.

No thank you!  When I’m done with this life, I’m outta here, hopefully never to return!

Beyond the faith in which I was raised that tells us we’ve already been liberated, and that death is the final liberation, humanity’s enlightenment is not my responsibility. Regarding enlightenment, I can hardly take care of myself!  Besides, if humanity’s enlightenment was my responsibility, a hell of a lot more people would be listening to me. (ha ha ha…thump)

I leave Buddhists to their beliefs, but as one actively recovering from a Messiah Complex, the Boddhisatva vow sounds a little co-dependent – suggesting it’s our job to take care of others to the point of personal sacrifice, and that there is some sort of “award” for doing so. This strikes me as not much different than the Catholic practice of indulgences as a way of earning our way into heaven. If Jesus did his job properly (and we’ve been taught that he did), then we don’t need to do shit to get into heaven. The payment’s already been made (if you subscribe to atonement theology).

I don’t subscribe to atonement theology. Neither do I ascribe to the belief that Jesus died for our sins. Instead, I believe he died for speaking in ways that empowered people on a path that might free them from the ruling institutions of the time. These institutions felt threatened by the “enlightenment” that Jesus offered and killed him for it. That being said, I don’t believe that Jesus was responsible for the enlightenment of those he taught. Neither is he the source of salvation in the way we have been taught by institutional religion. Instead, he found his own enlightenment and simply shared with others how to do the same. His listeners could choose to accept what he offered, or not.

The Bodhisattva vow, along with atonement theology seem to be placing responsibility for enlightenment in the wrong hands. Enlightenment, as I understand it today, is purely the responsibility of the individual. In fact, it may not even be up to the individual to decide as enlightenment may simply be a matter of fate (more on that later).

Arriving at this understanding of enlightenment as being the individual’s responsibility, however, has been an arduous journey. Based on conditioning, life experiences, trauma, and woundedness, I came to believe it was my job to save the world. It stood to reason, if I could convince human beings to be loving and kind, and later, teach them how to get there, the world might finally feel safe.  Right?

WRONG! Instead, I have learned that I cannot convince anyone of anything they do not want to do for themselves, and I certainly can’t do it for them (no matter how hard I tried). Human beings are stubborn and willful and cling tightly to what they know – no matter how harmful that knowing might be to and for them. Jesus spoke of this often! 

What I have come to understand is that the only human I can save is myself – and even that is debatable! This begs the question – from what do I/we need saving anyway?

In the simplest of terms, we are each a unique and individual expression of Source, here to have a human experience. From this perspective, there are an infinite number of ways in which Source might choose to express itself. Within those infinite expressions are infinite choices. In a single life not every human will choose enlightenment. Across many lifetimes, some might never choose enlightenment.

What good is enlightenment anyway if the cycle of the human experience is that we come from Source and when we are done being human we return to Source? We’re here. We have a life. We die. We return to Source. No judgment. No right or wrong. Simply Source expressing itself. In this we have to allow that Source is just as likely to express itself as an oligarch or serial killer as it is to express itself as Buddha or Christ. So what difference does enlightenment make anyway?

To some, enlightenment (as I understand it) is a way to heal and transform from non-loving conditioning, woundedness, and trauma, so that they might experience life as a little more peaceful, kind, and loving and in this they might find contentment. To others, they may have simply come here to be human and experience the fullness of the human experience as it is right here and right now, simply and without judgement or the need to change it.  This, in fact, may be its own kind of enlightenment!

Enlightenment is a personal choice. If you choose it, cool.  If not, that’s ok too.  For my part, I can’t say that I’ve been seeking enlightenment, simply a way to feel at home within myself and to know some measure of peace in this life. If by my choosing and sharing, others feel inspired to cultivate their own kind of enlightenment, then so be it. If not, that’s their business.  It’s not my job to make them do it or try to do it for them.  And I’m certainly not waiting around for the collective of humanity to choose love and kindness over the hatred and cruelty that so many seem to enjoy. I’ve done for myself what I have felt called to do and humanity is on its own. Their enlightenment is not my responsibility.

For over thirty years, I have been on a deeply transformational journey to uncover my truest nature so that I might live the life that most reflects that. This journey has brought me face to face with my own woundedness and non-supportive societal conditioning and led me to tools to help support my inner transformation. This journey has empowered me to find the answer to these three questions and to then live out those answers:

  • Who am I?
  • Whose am I?
  • What are my unique gifts and how am I called to share them in the world?

Out of this journey, I have created a full curriculum of online courses and trainings through which I am able to share the knowledge, insights, wisdom, and tools that I gained so that you too might discover the fulfillment of living the life you were meant to enjoy. These online courses provide for all levels of personal and spiritual development with a focus on embodied learning – that which transcends the mind and reaches into the heart. All classes support you in your journey of self-actualization and are rooted in scholarship, mindfulness practices, and psychology.

Lauri Ann Lumby, educator, author, mentor.

See all classes here.

Pearls to Swine

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Mt 7:6)

It has been said that when we have a lesson to learn, we are continually given opportunities to learn it, until we finally get it. Can I be done with this lesson now, please?????

My entire life I have struggled with the issue of giving my “pearls to swine” – attempting to share my gifts, my knowledge, and my expertise with those who have no appreciation for, give no value to, or have even demonstrated contempt for my gifts. Every time I give into temptation and attempt to share my gifts with “swine,” it blows up in my face, The image that surfaces for me of what this “blowing up in my face” feels like is one of me giving a gift and the recipient crumpling it up and throwing it back in my face. (This literally happened to me once, so I know the origin of this image.)

This lesson is an intense struggle for me for several reasons:

  1. I want to share my gifts. I almost feel like I can’t help but try to share my gifts. It’s like there is a force within me that is compelled to openly share my gifts. In fact, I believe it is the nature of our gifts to want to be shared.
  2. We are taught that our gifts are meant to be shared – freely and without encumbrance.
  3. We were also taught that the purpose of our gifts is a) for the sake of our own fulfillment and b) for the betterment of humankind.

With all these forces at work, driving us to seek out, discover, nurture, cultivate and then share our gifts, what are we to do when people show us over and over and over that they have no interest in or use for our gifts, when they literally stomp on our gifts and throw them back in our face?

This is the answer I had been seeking when the words from Matthew’s gospel (above) appeared in my mind like a flashing billboard.

The easy answer is to STOP attempting to use, share, offer, my gifts to those who repeatedly refuse them. That’s just good boundaries (which brings to mind another scripture):

 “And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.” (Mt 10:14)

Boundaries are easier said than done when our gifts are bubbling over like a pressure cooker – longing, desiring, and compelled to be put to use. For me, I can’t just turn off my gifts. When I share my gifts and they are openly and gratefully received, I feel a sense of rightness.  There is a sense of reciprocity, and the feeling of a circuit being made complete. When my gifts are not received, or outright rejected, I feel the frustration of the circuit being incomplete, or (as in the case of rejection) as if the plug has been pulled right out of me. Depleted of energy, I collapse.

For me, this collapse is at once physical, emotional, and spiritual. I feel bereft, empty, forsaken, disappointed, even despairing. It would be easy to assume that this collapse is simply an emotional reaction to feeling rejected – like I’m taking it personally. Admittedly, there is a bit of that but not nearly as much as I had felt in the past. Instead, it feels more like the consequence of physics. As in the case of electrical energy, when the plug is pulled, preventing the energy (gifts) to reach its intended destination, the device simply stops working. When energy is prevented from reaching its destination, the energy builds up, pressure increases, and the device implodes upon itself.

I feel that this may be how it is with our gifts. Our gifts are meant to be activated. They are meant to be shared. They are meant to be received so the circuit might be complete. But there will always be those among us with whom we are compelled to share our gifts who are not interested in receiving them or who will wholeheartedly reject them.

Shake the dust off our feet and walk away? Stop trying to share our gifts? Sit on our hands and bite our tongues as the gift inside of us is trying to escape?

Yes. But what do we then do with the energy inside of us that seeks to be fulfilled? And what do we do with the very real sorrow that surfaces when we know our gifts would prove to be of benefit if only they could be received?

Honestly, I do not know. This is the quandary I’ve been sitting with and the prayer I have been offering up to the universe. It’s the prayer that has plagued me as I wonder where are those who are able to receive my gifts and how might I find them? I’ve grown exceedingly tired of swine.

Cassandra Syndrome

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

The struggle of feeling unseen and unheard

Two nights ago, I suffered one of my repeating nightmares. In this dream, not unlike many others like it, I was invited to speak to a group of people on a topic about which I was considered an expert. I spoke and no matter what I said, how I said it, or what I did to get the audience’s attention, I was completely ignored. Instead of listening to what I was saying, or paying attention to my presentation, the audience was talking and laughing amongst themselves. Finally, I put down my microphone and simply walked away. The audience didn’t even notice that I had left the podium, or the room.  They just continued with whatever they were doing, completely oblivious to my presence, or lack thereof.

The theme of this dream is one I have often. Speaking, teaching, announcing, begging, pleading with an individual or an audience while being completely ignored – unseen and unheard. At the end of these dreams, I wake up feeling frustrated and even a bit angry.

Why can’t or won’t they hear me?????

I wish I could say these dreams are simply a reflection of my own insecurity or lack of confidence. Instead, these dreams are a direct reflection of real-life experiences I have had. There have been countless occasions where I’ve been invited “as an expert” to speak to an audience or deliver a presentation and quite literally been ignored. I’m standing, or sitting, delivering whatever talk I’ve been invited to present, and I’m met with a room of blank stares. Or worse, as was the case in one corporate presentation, the audience actually made fun of me!  Or in another, where I was hosting a class and an organized group of people showed up to my class simply to harass and abuse me.

It’s not only in delivering presentations where I have felt unseen or unheard. While in graduate school, the university I was attending was going through a massive shake-up which resulted in a change in ownership and leadership. As students we were invited into a “townhall” meeting to discuss these changes and our feelings about it. In my time to share, I offered some suggestions based on my own previous experience with another institution going through something similar. I watched my words go up into the air and fall flat onto the ground while those who were meant to receive these words stared back at me blankly.

These experiences of feeling unseen and unheard have been a plague throughout my life. Whether it be in a teaching situation, when asked to present on a topic of expertise, writing my blog, trying to explain what I do, or offering deep knowledge about impending doom, I am met with blank stares. Sometimes those blank stares turn into any number of incredulous responses: “How can you know that?”  “You’re just being judgmental.” “That can’t be true.”

But the fact remains, I DO KNOW. Whether one calls it prophecy or simply the ability to read the room, I KNOW. And, I’m always right. Every. Single. Time. But no matter how often I’m proven true, or my work is shown to be of value, or others testify on my behalf, I cannot escape the very real experience of most often feeling unseen and unheard. No, it’s more than a feeling, many, arguably most, simply CANNOT hear me. Or if they can hear me, they choose not to listen.

When I shared about the dream on social media, my dear sister-in-law responded “Cassandra.” Admittedly, I had to look this up.  I had heard the terms “Cassandra Complex,” or “Cassandra Syndrome” before, but I didn’t really understand what it meant. As it turns out, neither do the so-called experts!

Every single post on this topic made it sound like “Cassandra Complex” was some sort of psychological disease – one experienced by women who think they are psychic and who go raving mad (“hysterical”) over not being heard. In these articles, the Cassandra is portrayed as sick and at-fault. Nowhere could I find validation for those who possess authentic intuitive gifts (or are just plain paying attention) and the very real frustration that arises when trying to share one’s gifts and being met with only a brick wall.

Cassandra was not the sick or insane person in the myth. The villain in the story is Apollo. Metaphorically, Apollo represents the ruling system and those invested in that system. Apollos are those who benefit from the ruling system, who prefer status quo, and who do not want to be disturbed by ideas that would question, challenge, or confront that system. Cassandra is the confronter. Cassandra brings visions of a new world, presents methods for escaping the status quo, and provides comfort and support for the natural grief that arises when one system is failing and a new one is trying to find its way in.

Cassandras are the truth bringers and light bearers. As light bearers, they often shine a light on that which has been hiding in the shadows and which needs to be confronted and healed to make room for more light. Apollos, as they cling to what they know, feel threatened by that which might point out that what they know might be a lie, or that they may have to let something go to experience something new. Apollos don’t want new. They’re happy with how things are. In response to a threat to their closely-held status-quo, Apollos will either go into a defensive mode, attempting to discredit the Cassandra, or they will simply turn a deaf ear. To the Cassandra, both are equally hurtful.

I have been on the receiving end of the Apollo response too many times to count. I can attest to the pain of being ignored and the deep frustration of being unheard. When met with this kind of refusal (which has often been accompanied by condemnation), I either become angry or feel profoundly defeated. It’s really difficult not being heard.

Yesterday, while struggling with the emotional hangover of the dream, I brought this Cassandra quandary into my prayers. Resigning myself to the reality of being a Cassandra in a world of Apollos just didn’t feel like enough of a response. (I sometimes think there is a fine line between resignation and suppression. Clearly, if I’m still having the dream, my feelings of frustration over not being heard have not truly been healed.) As I sat in wait for God’s answer to my prayer, I heard the simple words:

TURN AROUND

Then I saw, in my mind’s eye, an image of myself turning away from the Apollo world and toward the Cassandras of this world – those who also carry visions of the new, who call out the evils of this world, who seek healing of hearts and unity of spirits. It is not to the Apollos of this world that I am speaking – it is to those who have ears to hear and eyes to see – those who have grown tired of the status quo and who seek after something new that is more loving, gentle and kind than what humanity has heretofore created for itself.

Being a Cassandra in a world of Apollos is never easy, but maybe in turning around I will finally feel heard and seen and that will bring an end to these dreams.

Living in the Thirteenth Dimension

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 4 Comments

Welcome to Lauri Woo Land!  This is where I share my experience with interdimensional living and the journey that allows us to “travel” from one plane of existence to another.

I typically leave these insights for those who have been teaching and speaking about ascension, starseeds, wayshowers, and dare I say aliens, long before I had the language to describe what I have seemingly always known. Since the beginning of March, and most especially the last few days, I have experienced an uptick in experiences and symptoms related to dimensional transitions that I felt I might share in case others in this community are feeling some of the same.

For the last many years, the new age and ascension communities have spoken at length about humanity’s evolution from third-dimensional beings to fifth-dimensional beings. Many have spoken of this evolution creating a split in the world – some remaining in 3d reality while others are choosing to migrate to 5d – the latter known in, and defined by, unity consciousness.

As demonstrated by the wisest among us, unity consciousness has always been available to humanity as it is our original and truest nature. Jesus and Mary Magdalene, the Buddha, Lao Tsu, Kuan Yin, and all the great Indigenous shamans and Indian gurus dwelt within unity consciousness and left behind teachings on how to access this level of consciousness ourselves.

Unity consciousness is nothing new, it has simply been forgotten or is ignored by much of humanity. Instead, human beings take the teachings of these great teachers and twist them to fit their own fear-filled agendas, preferring separation and division to the peace and love modeled by these great teachers.

Outside of unity consciousness, humanity has come to define their experience by fear and have sought power and control over others in an attempt to vanquish their fear. Instead of vanquishment, however, humanity has simply bred more fear.

Division is a choice. So too is Love. Harnessing the teachings and practices of Love modeled and left behind by these great teachers, we can transcend the fear that seems to define the human condition. The more Love we embrace, the more fear is released, and we are increasingly free to live in the heaven of unity consciousness instead of the hell of separation.

There are telltale signs that we are escaping the imprisonment of 3d (fear based) consciousness.  These are the signs I have been experiencing more frequently which suggest to me that escape velocity is approaching, allowing us, not to depart from the human experience, but to knowing a human experience in which fear no longer holds sway and in which Love becomes the Law (or rather, the Law of Love is restored).

Before I get into the signs – it is important to recognize that we are NOT leaving the human experience. Instead, we will be able to navigate human experience as objective witnesses while enjoying the fruitfulness of a Love-based world. I imagine it will be as if there are two worlds existing side by side – or rather one within the other. It’s kind of like Jesus when he spoke of the “Kingdom of God” being within us. He was able to live in the midst of the separation of the human world while maintaining composure and contentment and performing seemingly miraculous feats. (Were Jesus’ “miracles” actually miracles or the natural workings of a consciousness we have not yet attained? The yoga master Patanjali would suggest it was the latter).

For my entire life I have been applying the (original) teachings of Jesus, along with those of other spiritual masters, and I can attest to their efficacy. The healing and liberation I have experienced in my life cannot be understated. At the same time, these teachings have supported me in making peace with freedoms and liberties I have lost through trauma and chronic illness. (Those who say that ascension means the end of all sickness, etc. are wrong.)

I am a different person today than I was thirty years ago – rather, I’m more of my most authentic self. I’ve learned how to be vulnerable, to trust my intuition (gut) above all else, and to name and claim my boundaries. I’m breaking away from co-dependency, caretaking and my wound-based need to fix things. Those imbedded in the 3d world might say I’m an asshole because the rules to which they ascribe no longer apply to me. (PS  people thinking you’re an asshole is a HUGE sign that you are escaping 3d consciousness).

With that, let’s get on with the signs that you are successfully traveling away from separation consciousness toward unity consciousness and beyond.

  1. People think you are an asshole for setting boundaries (saying no to those things which are not life-giving to you).
  2. You are able to observe the conflict of the human experience without needing to react. You can observe it, perhaps feeling sad, frustrated, or disappointed in human beings, but are able to rise above it.
  3. You often find yourself misunderstood. No matter the effort or the words you use, people cannot grasp what you are trying to say – except others living from Love.
  4. You have compassion for all of humanity – even those whose actions you don’t especially like. You can look past their actions to the fear or unhealed wound that would cause them to act in non-loving ways.
  5. You have experiences of feeling invisible or of people not hearing you. You have even had experiences of the majority of human beings having zero awareness that you are even here on this plane.
  6. No matter how hard you try or what time you put in, you find yourself unable to “succeed” in 3d terms. Perhaps “real” jobs elude you. Maybe you can’t catch a financial break. You may suffer from unexplainable illnesses that make it difficult if not impossible for you to hold a “real” job.
  7. You find yourself becoming ill when engaging in the 3d world. (For example, if I read the news or fall down the rabbit hole of American politics, I feel anxious, distracted, dissociating, and sick. Too much time on social media does the same).
  8. You have lost interest in the 3d world. (this is different than depression).  For me, this disinterest is manifesting in a feeling of “being done.” I’m done trying to convince people to be Love, or that there is another way to live. I’m done warning 3d humans of what is to come. I tried. No one listened. Now they are suffering the consequences of their actions. (I am one to say, “I told you so!”)
  9. You feel detached from humanity’s choice to continue living in separation and the consequences of those choices.
  10. You feel as if you are here with and for those who want to be Love. You also feel content to let others continue to choose separation.
  11. You feel as if you are living in another world.
  12. You find yourself with a close company of “weird” friends who understand Love and also want to be Love in the world.
  13. You no longer care if others think you’re weird.
  14. You feel truly seen by those who have also chosen Love.

Living beyond 3d consciousness is not the whoo-whoo/la la that many make it out to be. It is not rainbows and unicorns. Neither is it necessarily bliss. Instead, it is the ability to be witness to the human experience with all its imperfections and tragedies and not be destroyed by it. It is the ability to hold on to Love no matter how much we are tempted to hate. It is the willingness to accept responsibility for our unhealed wounds and the actions that might still come from our own place of fear. It is the ability to show up every moment of every day to our practice, returning again and again and again to Source when the human experience of separation tries to pull us away. Living beyond 3d consciousness is loving but it is also fierce. Those still living in 3d consciousness might despise us because every minute we remain in Unity we are showing them that there is another way. They know what they would have to give up in choosing Love over fear. Few are willing to take that risk. And yet, for those called to Unity, we have no other choice. It is indeed what we are here for – to return to unity consciousness and to show humanity there is another way.

Hold the Line

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

Hold the Line

Love isn’t always on time.

These are the words that keep dancing around in my head. As we are continuing to be witness to the collapse of the world as we have known it, these are important words to remember.

Love does not come in our time.  Love comes in “God’s” time. We are not in charge of the unfolding of current events. Instead, we are witnesses and Love-bearers.

As witnesses our job is to watch, observe, and hold space for all the many faces of grief we will experience in the face of the death-throes of the patriarchy. As Love-bearers, we are meant to observe the unfolding from a place of non-judgment and detachment.

Love is universal. All are made by and for Love. Even (especially) those we perceive to be living a life contrary to Love. Jesus said “Love thy neighbor,” and “Pray for your enemies.”  Our neighbors are those we perceive to be like us. Our enemies – well, we know who they are. We are called to Love them – one and all.

I know, easier said than done. When we watch humans being cruel toward each other, treating one another with disrespect, acting as if some are deserving of liberties and others are not, it is hard.

When it is hard, we are called to pray for ourselves.  “Help me in my unbelief.” “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” “Into your hands I commend my spirit.”  “Teach me how to Love.”

All are wounded seeking to be free. Some know they are wounded and are seeking their own healing. Most aren’t even aware they’re wounded and are simply acting out of those wounds.

Love one another. Pray for each other’s healing.

And don’t interfere. It is said “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”  The same is true of humans. The difference between horses and humans is that humans can’t even be led. All we can do is our own work of being Love in the world and being that Love more fully. Sometimes, our presence awakens others to the Love within themselves, and to the invitation to knowing that Love. Sometimes our presence pisses people off. Neither is within our control. It’s not personal. It’s none of our business.

Each of our names are written on the palm of God’s hands. Our lives are written in Her book. If you are reading this, you are here simply for the purpose of Love. Be that Love and live from that Love and that is all you need to know.

Hold the line. The Love that you are is always on time.

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When the Invisible becomes Visible

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

I have lived my entire life simply by the whisperings of faith. If it feels right, or hits me square between the eyes, I have pursued it. No questions asked. (No, that’s a lie. I’ve had lots of questions, doubts, bargaining and asking, “God, are you really sure about this?”  God has always been sure. My human self – not so much).

Faith is a strange thing because we are most often taught that faith requires effort. We’re told to “believe,” and we will be rewarded for that belief. We’re taught that “faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains,” implying that if we can’t move the mountain, we either don’t have enough faith or we’re not trying hard enough. The same is true about walking on water.

This has not been my experience of faith at all!  Instead, faith has been like a wave in the ocean that pushes me forward into a certain direction and try as I might, I cannot resist that flow. Faith has lifted me out of certain life situations and my own ill-conceived plans, and dropped me on another shore. Faith is a force I have ceased from resisting, as I have learned that there is nothing but hardship in denying ourselves the force of faith’s movement. Faith knows better what is right for us than what we could ever conceive of ourselves.

Faith is what has kept me going when I thought all was lost and there was no more hope. Faith has kept me true to my path despite my doubt and the outward appearance(s) of failure. Faith has moved me beyond western definitions of success and into a place where I (mostly) know and trust that my presence is planting some kind of seed and my efforts are producing a kind of fruit that I just don’t yet see.

Recently, I was gifted with several opportunities to see that fruit. This fruit was not what I was looking for, neither was it what I had expected. Yet, the visible appearance of this fruit filled my heart to overflowing, gave validation to my choices, and has made me profoundly grateful and humbled.

Western conditioning trains us to look for proof of our success in something big. We’re told to look for the flashing billboard and a pile of wealth. We’re instructed to believe that a teacher is measured by the number of students they have (not the number of teachers they empower).

Faith has shown me something else. Instead, of the above, what I was given to see is that the fruits of my efforts are subtle, invisible, yet deeply rooted. I was given to see that my presence and the simple effort of me just being me has had a profound impact on several people’s lives. In not one, but several conversations in the past week, I was told, in very visible terms, how my presence has impacted people’s lives.

I can only respond to the gratitude expressed by these many acquaintances/friends with my own gratitude along with a deep humility in knowing that I did not do that! Yes, I was the vessel through which they experienced my presence as gift, but it was, and has always been, God/Faith working through me. And here’s the most startling fact about this fruit – the majority of those who shared their gratitude, only two had ever set foot in my office or taken one of my classes. These were mostly people I have simply encountered in my journey of being me.

I guess we never truly know the impact we have in other people’s lives until Faith steps in to show us, making the invisible visible.

Hell ‘N Back

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 6 Comments

I’m writing today’s missive as part affirmation, part validation and a big heaping of THANK YOU to all the wayshowers, pioneers, first-wavers, shit-disturbers, and revolutionaries who have endured untold suffering and loss and who now live to be witness and guide to those who are coming after us (not as in pursuit, but in chronology).  

Indeed, we have been to hell and back!

My journey into hell began in early 2000 when the universe I had been building for myself began to crumble around me. Mine was a journey that began with great optimism and hope but eventually turned into one devastating loss after another.  Loss, of course, is relative. For me, the losses included the ending of several significant relationships (including a marriage), the death of a career, the loss of perceived community, the experience of poverty, brief homelessness, bankruptcy, and a pile up of chronic illnesses that have negatively impacted abilities that I once took for granted.

In the midst of these losses, many good things happened as well, the greatest of which is a deepening knowledge of who I truly am including the calling to embrace a more deeply monastic lifestyle rooted in sacred practice, solitude, and quiet service to humanity.

Somewhere in my journey into hell, I set aside the conditioned belief that our value is defined by what we do and that success is determined by how hard we work.

Now, I prefer a life of ease – one in which being takes priority over doing, and if doing is called for, it is only that which comes forth out of a deep state of being. As such, I no longer seek after things to do, causes to take up, or a humanity to save.  Instead, I sit in quiet observation of the unfolding of human evolution and wait for those moments when humans seek me out for guidance or support.

I know I am not alone in this because I am surrounded by individuals who have been through their own version of hell and in that journey have been remade. No more are they imprisoned by the conditioning of western culture. No more are they tempted by the pursuit of shiny objects. No more are they willing to exist within the hellscape of late-stage capitalism, but have chosen a new way of being that defies what we were once told was required for our survival.

No longer are we subject to the rules of an outside perceived authority but have discovered our own truth – that which can only be found within.

For generations humanity has been raised on lies. These were the lies created by the ruling classes to imprison us in servitude.

The time of lies is coming to an end, but in order to uncover the truths that have been hidden by these lies, we first had to die to what we were taught to believe and believe in. Every single thing that was imposed from outside of us had to come up for review. Those things we took for granted were wrestled from our grasp. We were made to confront our attachments to money, power, fame, familiarity, control, the status quo…and let them go…kicking and screaming as they were pulled from our cold, dead, hands.  

And we had to do this over and over and over again until there was nothing left of our conditioned selves and all that remained was our Truth.

This is the journey we are now called to witness for others. Having survived (likely exhausted, gasping, and bleeding) our own journey to hell and back, we now have the experience and wisdom to be of support to others.

Lest you are tempted to believe this is a call to action, IT IS NOT. It is not our job to seek out those who might need our support.  Instead, we are called to tend to ourselves. To support ourselves in our continued healing. To live quietly in our truth. To bear witness to humanity’s evolution and to wait for those who may one day seek our support.  

Thank you for all you have endured in your own journey to hell and back. I see you and I acknowledge the sacrifice, the suffering, and all you were made to leave behind. My hope is that in that journey you have come to know yourself more fully and have made yourself free of what previously imprisoned you so that you can enjoy the inner freedom that comes when we successfully find our way out of hell.

With the deepest gratitude and love,

Lauri

Strange Days

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I knew, when I looked at my calendar for this week and found I had zero appointments, that this was going to be a weird week. In the past, I would have panicked about the lack of potential income, but I have since come to understand that when my calendar appears empty, my energies are being called for service in other ways. And “boy-howdy” has this proved to be the case.

I cannot share the details of where my energies have been called, but I can say that I’m trying to recover while knowing there are still a few intense days ahead from which I will likely need even more recovery time. This is beyond the normal shenanigans of my energy being called to support the dying of the patriarchal world!!!

Such is the fate of an energy-worker/healer/empath. While the world seeks to evaluate us based on number of clients, income, fame, and other capitalistic measurements of so-called success; we are out here being of service to the world in a multitude of invisible and immeasurable ways. Fortunately, I no longer measure myself based on the dying paradigms, but it has taken me years to free myself from these entanglements. Now, I surrender to the unfolding of this work and know that my needs are being provided for and that capitalistic measurements of “success” have nothing to do with me. The work of Love stands on its own.

In doing the work of Love, our lives are not our own. We came here to be of service to humanity at a time of profound transition/transformation. We are here to bear witness to the dying world while holding space in which the new world can begin to take root. This is happening on both the macrocosmic and microcosmic level.

On the global level, it is about witnessing the collapse of patriarchal empires and institutions and supporting humanity through this shift. On a microcosmic level, it is about being witness to the millions of tiny ways in which individuals and organizations are being forced to examine the ways in which they have been influenced by patriarchal conditioning and the choices they are being given to move from fear-based conditioning to Love. For those who have benefitted from patriarchal norms, these will be times of great pain. For those clearing these influences and the individuals who embody these influences, these may be challenging times, but will ultimately clear the way for what is more closely aligned with Love to take the place of fear.

Indeed, we are living through a time of unprecedented change. Each day seems to be stranger than the one before. There is no way for us to know from one day to the next what will come our way or how our energies will be called into service. All we can do is meet each moment as it comes and trust that if it appears we have nothing to do, that perhaps it is in those times of “no-thing” that our gifts are being most utilized, and give ourselves the care and recovery we need to be ready when our gifts are called for again.

Please join me for my upcoming 6-week LIVE course, UNCHAINED. In this course, you will be guided through the traits of patriarchal conditioning and how to free yourself from the imprisonment of this conditioning.

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central

March 5 – April 9, 2025

(sessions are recorded for later viewing if you are unable to attend live)

Learn more HERE.

Hope in the Perceived Darkness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Donald J. Trump has officially been sworn in as the 47th president of the United States. Across social media platforms, the reactions have been either silence or sentiments of despair and hopelessness. I haven’t yet seen celebration, but I’ve definitely seen grief.

As for myself, I have spent too many years and too much time in deep prayer over the role Donald Trump is playing in the unfolding human drama to get upset. Once I got over the initial shock in 2016 of his victory over Hillary Clinton (let’s be honest, Hillary was less than a perfect candidate), I prayed, “Please help me understand the larger purpose at work here.” I’ve shared before what I was given to understand, but I’ll share it again in case you missed it:

Donald Trump is playing the role of the Angel of Death.

Biblically, the Angel of Death arrived at crossroads times to bring liberation to the enslaved by destroying the power of the ruling class. The Angel of Death is perceived as benevolent from the perspective of those being liberated, and malevolent by those who are losing their power.

In the short term, it may appear as if a Trump presidency will deprive some of freedoms they once had while elevating the status of the ruling class, but there is so much more at play here than what is in our immediate sight.

Stepping back……way back…..away from the media propaganda, political rhetoric, and those who benefit from creating (perceived) division….is a 10,000 year old human experiment coming to an end. This experiment began with fear and ended with patriarchal power. This experiment has reached its limits and will result in the extinction of humankind if equilibrium is not restored.

Donald Trump is being called to play a role in the restoration of that equilibrium.  In the short term, and through eyes conditioned by division, we may not like what we see. To see evidence of this restoration we will have to look at things through a new set of eyes.  Some of this evidence we may already see. For some, we will have to look beyond what is right in front of us to a time that we do not yet know.

Hope and Trust are two words that may prove helpful as we navigate this transitory time.

Hope – not in that which is outside of us, in some person of perceived authority and power – but hope in ourselves. A big part of the dying system is the savior complex – the idea or illusion that there is someone outside of us who is going to save us. Instead, we are here to save ourselves. We are the hope we’ve been looking for.

Trust – in a bigger story at play. In the natural unfolding of the universe story. In a higher plan. In God (if that is your thing). But most importantly – Trust in yourself. Trust in the Love that you are. Trust that this Love has the power to not only transform yourself, but also has the power to transform the world.

As the Angel of Death, Donald Trump is helping to facilitate the destruction of all the institutions and systems that have benefitted from the conditioning that has left us feeling powerless. On the other side of this destruction, should we accept the invitation, is a world in which all of humanity is empowered to come forward with our own unique giftedness for the sake of our own fulfillment, and in service to the good of the all. This can only happen, however, if we have hope and trust in ourselves and believe in the power of Love.

By dividing we have been conquered.

By uniting we will be set free.

Finding Our Way to Peace

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

We are conditioned in this world to look outside of ourselves for the things we need. In some cases, this is rightly so – food, clothing, and shelter for example. But for the things we need most – contentment, joy, love, and peace – we can only find these within.

Finding our way to peace is solely an inside job. Whereas we may be freer to access the peace that resides within us through a change in the external circumstances of our lives, it is only from within that we can find and deepen that peace. It is also in cultivating our own inner peace that we are able to access the inner resources we need to discern our readiness and make external change when called for.

While peace may only be found within, we continue to seek outside for that peace. We wait and hope for the world and the people around us to change so that we might know peace. We cast our gaze outward for evidence of the manifestation of our prayers for peace. We sit in expectation for the day in which our prayers for peace will be made real.

But the truth remains – those who do not know inner peace cannot be a part of manifesting peace on earth. Conflict and war exist because human beings are not at peace. If human beings knew peace within themselves, then there would no longer be hardship, hunger, poverty, homelessness, or war and the needs of every human being would be met – not just so they might survive, but so they might thrive.

Our own search for peace, however, does not depend on any other human knowing peace. Neither can any other human being infringe on our ability to dwell within (or at least return to) that deep well of inner peace. Our peace is independent of any one else’s peace or lack thereof. We are the sole creator of our own peace.

Creating that peace, however, doesn’t happen overnight. Neither is it a simple task. In order to know the peace that dwells within and to know it even more deeply, we must embark on a deep and arduous journey of inner work.

First, we must create the space in our lives through which we might glimpse this peace. For me, this is my daily spiritual practice. We must create the time and space for our practice and remain diligent and persistent in it.

Then we need Grace. I cannot say how it will happen for you, but for me, Grace arrived in the midst of my practice and showed me a glimpse into my Union with Source. In this experience, everything fell away except for the light of this Union. In this I experienced contentment beyond understanding. This moment of Grace was but a moment, but through that one encounter I have remained motivated to keep going.

The “going” is the arduous part of the journey. The journey becomes our practice and life itself shows us all the places within where we have forgotten Union with Source (what I call “Love”). All comes up for review. The review is ongoing and never-ending. Over and over and in increasingly subtle ways, we come up against all the places where we have forgotten that we are Love – forgetfulness brought forth through our conditioning, past wounds, traumas, etc. In becoming aware of these wounds, we are given an opportunity to heal them. In acknowledging the wounds and inviting their healing, we are again met with Grace, for we are not healing our own wounds, they are being healed for us. Our simple task is to say yes to the healing.

Healing the wounds may be simple, but showing up again and again for them to be healed is not. Our egos and our need to control (a function of the ego) get in the way. We often become impatient with the journey and wonder if it will ever end. It will not – but we must remain diligent, disciplined, and persistent in our task. Yes, we can quit, but as many have discovered, the Universe finds ways to drag us back to the task.

When we are called to know peace, we don’t really have a choice but to continue the search. We continue day in and day out, no matter our mood.  We become angry, frustrated, disheartened, and despairing, but we continue. We continue because our soul will not give us rest, for the rest we ultimately seek can only be found within and the world provides an infinite number of distractions – including the desire for peace in our world.

Human beings will never know peace until we find our own peace within – and that peace begins with me.

Now say this to yourself: “That Peace Begins with Me,” then find and be that peace.

The journey toward peace begins with a single step: starting and maintaining a spiritual practice.

In this course, you will learn what a spiritual practice is, dispel myths around meditation, and be instructed in a myriad of spiritual practices so that you might find the one or two that speak to you and begin your practice.

Learn more and enroll here.