As I write this at 9:46am on Saturday, October 28th, I just finished listening to my favorite online astrologer, Lori Lothian, deliver her “Saturn direct” reading for November. As it turns out, I was born with Saturn in Pisces – exactly where Saturn finds himself now. Repeating these cycles every 29 years or so, I am in the midst of my second Saturn return. I share this because it is relevant to where I find myself at this exact moment in my spiritual/vocational journey.
In 1993 when I experienced my first Saturn return, I had the “brick to the head” experience that launched me into seven years of ministry training and the discovery, activation, and deepening of my calling. All this was done with and in the Catholic Church.
In 2003 I left formal church ministry and took my work into the secular world. Since 2003 that work has evolved, unfolded, and taken on many external forms. My heart and my soul were rooted in the Jesus I had come to know and the Mary Magdalene that was his closest companion and the one who most fully understood his teachings and who was then sent forth to continue the mission of Love after Jesus’ death. Now I found myself, however, having to “sell” my work to a secular audience who might most accurately be called “spiritual but not religious.” The ways I attempted to market this work to a diverse audience were many, taking on many different names and forms. But only on the outside. While the packaging may have changed, the materials inside were the same:
Rooted in scripture. Grounded in contemplative practice. Defined by scholarship.
In the last several years, I have found all that I had attempted falling away. Piece by piece by broken piece, everything I had worked for in the past 30 years has died.
Or so it seemed.
I surrendered to the dying. I grieved the loss. I have spent more time in the VOID than anyone should have to spend. Empty. Nothing left to pursue. Nothing new to create. No visible paths. Nothing but the blackest of blackness where nothing remains but from which all of creation emerges.
Then last week something shifted. For the first time in 30 years I saw the whole truth of something that had been blocking my access to my full power. I saw it. I unhooked myself from it. I bore witness to the kickback (there’s always a kickback when we deprive something of the power we’d been giving it). I sat in the fullness of the liberation.
Then the floodgates opened and carried me right back to where I began (sort of). What came forth out of that return is a complete overhaul/return to the origin of my work along with a recognition – not of what I formerly wanted – but rather, what already is.
The Order of the Magdalene is already fully formed. The community has already been gathering. The formation was already whole in its original form. Why not own it and quit:
Asking permission.
Trying to meet everybody’s needs.
Trying to appeal to everyone.
Using other people’s language.
Competing with shiny objects.
Trying to be shiny.
Comparing myself with others.
Questioning and doubting.
This is who I am and what I do. Period. Doing the work of Love as was exampled by Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Honoring the tradition from which I came. Recognizing the wisdom of scripture (canonical and non-canonical). Celebrating my own monastic calling. Embracing the gifts of contemplation. Remaining rooted in scholarship.
In short – keeping it real.
If you’re one who likes to keep it real – please check out The Order of the Magdalene 2023 Reboot. Back to where I belong.
And thank you for all those who have been with me throughout this crazy journey. I am grateful for you!
Since 2011 I have been living below the mean and median income of my local community of Oshkosh, WI. Many of those years I have lived far below the poverty level for a family of three.
I’m sharing this information, not for pity, but to put a face on poverty and to shine a light on how most of the people in our community live. For you see, there is a profound misconception in our community (and likely others) of those who live in poverty. Contrary to popular misconceptions, many (likely most) of those who live below the mean are educated, hard-working, responsible, individuals who either by choice or circumstance are making a living much lower than that of their peers.
For me, living below the mean has been part choice and part circumstance. After my divorce, I chose to continue to be as available for my children as I had been during my marriage. I wanted to continue the business I had begun to build while married and maintain the flexibility required when co-parenting two children. I chose to work during the time my children were with their father and adjusted that according to his travel schedule. I packed an easy 40 hours into the work days I had available – making the most of the time I had while dedicating the rest of the time to my children. These choices, and the reality of owning a service business, meant that we didn’t have many extras. I also made many sacrifices so my children could have what they needed. These were personal choices that I gladly made, and my children prove to me daily that I made the right choice. They are absolutely fabulous human beings of whom I could not be more proud!
Then there are the circumstances. Being a sole proprietor in a service industry has its ups and downs. Some years are better than others and location makes a difference. If I were in a bigger city like Minneapolis or Chicago, the work I do is considered common place and is part of the everyday language. When I say “spiritual director” or “Reiki Master” in Oshkosh, all I get is blank stares. Things began to improve as I took my business online, but then you must compete with the millions of others who are seemingly doing what you are doing (they’re not, but the general population doesn’t get that).
In short, I work in a fringe industry and a lot of the fringe doesn’t have money either. Yes, I could look for other employment, and I have, but when you throw education, experience, and age into the mix, the reality of ageism kicks in and you find yourself relegated to the “secretary pool” where you’re not really wanted because you know how to and have had the experience of thinking for yourself. It’s a lose-lose situation, one I know I’m not alone in as I chat with my friends of a certain age who have similarly found it difficult to secure gainful employment – even after a lifetime of experience in their chosen industry.
This is the reality. I have my own business (which hasn’t done well the last couple years), and a part-time clerical job. I’m making barely enough to pay my rent (in an increasingly expensive housing market) and a few odd things. Somehow it always works out, but usually by the skin of my teeth. AND I’m one of the lucky ones. Living close to or below the mean means that there are MANY who are living with far less. In this I am humbled and grateful. I also have the support of friends and family who regularly step in with support and I know who I can turn to if I’m really in trouble. Most people don’t have that. So again, I’m grateful.
Finally, I want to make it really clear to those in the back who continue to maintain a certain perception and attitude toward people like myself living below the mean:
For me it’s a choice and a circumstance. For MOST it’s not a choice.
I am a college educated 58 year old woman. I have a BA in Business and Marketing. A Masters in Transpersonal Psychology. AND several advanced certificates and specialized trainings. I have run my own business since 2003 and in that time have published eleven books and over thirty online courses and trainings. I work hard and continue to offer my services on a sliding scale because I know MANY could not otherwise afford them. I have also continually been an active and involved member of our community.
Oh yeah, then there’s the chronic illness. That just adds another layer in considering choices and circumstances that impact the reality of living below the mean.
You are a precious child of God/Love, of this there can be no doubt. And yet, life often wears us down to the point where we forget this critical truth.
Worn down is exactly where I have been as I’ve watched the work of thirty years die on the vine. All of that by which I had come to define myself seems to have come to an end. My children are grown up and out of the house. The books I had in me are out in the world. My burst of artistic creativity in the form of spiritual icons seems to have lost its fire. My remaining clients and students are few. It’s not enough to sustain me financially so I’ve been forced to “get a real job.” It’s a good “real job,” but it’s only part time and still not enough (just barely covers my rent and a few of my regular bills).
Life is strange when you’re fifty-eight and you find there’s nothing left in your hands. It’s even stranger when well-meaning friends, relatives, and even strangers try to offer encouragement, support and things you could “do” to drum up more business.
Sigh. I feel like I’ve done all that. I have no more efforting in me. The desire to hustle for my business died long ago and the thought of creating marketing materials to target a whole new audience exhausts me beyond exhaustion.
I’m too old for this shit. Been there done that…..and what exactly do I have to show for all the darn efforting and for everything I sacrificed to pursue what I still believe is my calling. I have the gifts for it and people benefit from the sharing of my gifts. But still……
Yesterday well-meaning ideas were put before me and my whole body recoiled. I could feel my Soul entering panic mode and my mind started to shut down. Knowing my own discernment response, I excused myself from the gathering and acknowledged that there was something out of alignment for me with the suggestions. I brought this awareness into my sleep and welcomed it into my prayers this morning.
As it turned out, the Universe had a lot to say.
A FB post from a friend in which she said, “I no longer know who I am.” BOOM! That hit me between the eyeballs! Ditto sister!
Reading the Tao, words that remind my Soul of my truth:
Bend and you will be whole.
Keep empty and you will be filled.
Have little and you will gain.
3. Scripture randomly floating into my brain:
Don’t cast your pearls before swine. (MT 7:6)
4. And a reading from my Kali oracle deck:
Your path need not be one of endless effort.
All of these a reminder to know my worth, trusting and honoring what I know about myself and my own truth. I’m done casting my gifts to the wind and having them either blow back in my face, fall on the ground in front of me, or get blown away never to return. I know my worth and whatever the Universe has in store for this empty vessel that I’ve become will find its way to me for I am indeed a precious child of God/Love.
People are often surprised to hear me talk about Jesus and even more surprised to learn that I teach about him. Actually, I don’t teach about Jesus, my teaching models his.
The Jesus I know may not be the same as the one you were taught about or the one whose teachings were twisted to fit the agenda of the patriarchal, hierarchical institution you belong to or were raised in.
The Jesus I know is Love – pure and simple. Love. In this Love there is no room for discrimination, bigotry, ignorance, or hatred. The Love that Jesus embodied does not judge, but treats each human being with dignity and respect, celebrating their unique giftedness and diversity while mindful of the woundedness they may carry. The Jesus I know embodied compassion and understanding, listened deeply, hearing the truth beyond the words, and seeing the truth beyond the illusion. This Jesus never sought to start a new religion, only to remind his own Jewish brothers and sisters of the Love that dwelled within them and of the Unity that existed beyond the division of religious dogma – the Truth their ancestors once knew but quickly forgot.
The Jesus I know is the Jesus before men hungry for power appropriated his name for their own political gain. The Jesus before politicians used his name to justify genocide. The Jesus before a Church was built in his name that then went on to commit horrors against those who refused to give up their own beliefs for a god made in Rome’s image, against innocent children, and against women and men who through the wisdom of nature and their ancestors had the power to help and heal. The Jesus before pulpit preachers attributed Jesus to their own fear-based message of hellfire and brimstone through which they could then exact pounds of flesh or coffers of coins from those willing to be manipulated by their words.
My Jesus is not Joel Olsteen’s Jesus, neither is he the Jesus used by the Church in which I was raised to claim themselves to be “the one true Church.” The Jesus I know didn’t die for our sins, but instead, died for the sake of the Truth of Oneness that he was called to teach (which in a way is dying for our sins). The Jesus I know came to heal the sick, liberate those imprisoned by their own unhealed wounds and conditioned fears. He came to open the eyes of those who refuse to see and the ears of those who prefer to turn a deaf ear to Love.
This is the Jesus I have come to know and if I speak of his name, this is the Jesus about whom I speak.
The second lesson from my online course “Overcoming Obstacles with Authentic Freedom.” In this sample lesson from my course, you will learn the ultimate Truth of the human experience, why we are here, and what we are invited to know/remember. Authentic Freedom provides the resources, tools, protocol and platform from healing ourselves of the core wound of separation so that we can remember our true origin in wholeness and love.
As a course participant recently shared:
“Dear Lauri, I have just listened to the 8mins and 44 seconds of your Core Wound lecture. In my view that is the most powerful, succinct, inspiring and clear description of what I have been trying to learn for the last 6 years (and maybe the 30 years before then 😊). Each sentence is a powerful quote on its own, the combination is mind blowing. It is just brilliant and the world needs to hear those 8 minutes. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to experience what I have just experienced. Love and Blessings to you.”
To learn more about Authentic Freedom and our return to wholeness, check out my website at http://www.lauriannlumby.com.
The other night I was gifted with a timely dream that provided both a reminder and an invitation.
In the dream, I was preparing to co-preside with two other priests of a different church. Both had already donned their traditional vestments. Not one to go for traditional, I was pulling on a long, black, cardigan made of light weight spandex/cotton. After pulling on the robe, I looked into the mirror and saw that my robe had changed and I was now wearing the garb of the ancient high priests. My first thoughts were of the High Priests of the Jewish tradition, but the robes seemed to predate even those. As I gazed into the mirror, I heard the following words:
“High Priest according to the Order of Melchizedek.”
The Order of Melchizedek is mentioned three times in scripture:
Genesis 14: 17-20:
Melchizedek, the king of Salem, offered bread and wine. As a priest of God Most High,he blessed Abram with these words,
“Blessed be Abram by God Most High, Creator of the heavens and the earth. And blessed be God Most High who has delivered your enemy into your hands.”
Then Abram gave him a tithe of all he had taken.
Psalm 110: 3-4
Yours is royal dignity in the day of your birth; in holy splendor, before the daystar, like the dew, I have begotten you.”[e] The Lord has sworn, and he will not retract his oath: “You are a priest forever[f] according to the order of Melchizedek.”
Hebrews 7: 1-3
This Melchizedek, the king of Salem and a priest of God Most High, met Abraham as he was returning from his defeat of the kings, and he blessed him. Abraham gave him a tenth of everything. His name first means “king of righteousness,” and then “king of Salem,” that is, “king of peace.” Without father, or mother, or genealogy, and without beginning of days or end of life, thus bearing a resemblance to the Son of God, he remains a priest forever.
The Order of Melchizedek is considered a primordial priesthood, one that predates Judaism, and therefore Christianity, and is a priesthood available to anyone who is thusly ordained. Unlike the modern expressions of priesthood that requires a specific kind of formation, along with a formal ordination ceremony through which one human imparts the ordination onto another (as in Catholic Bishops ordaining Catholic priests), the priesthood in the Order of Melchizedek is divinely ordained. As such, the Order of Melchizedek transcends religion, dogma, doctrine, and belief. Instead, it is an inner calling, revealed over time to those so-called. While formation may establish the foundation upon which this calling may take root, that formation will be unique to each individual and may come formally through an outside guide, or inwardly through our own awakening and depth work.
For several years, I have been aware of this calling. I have even developed a training program according to my own desire to be formed in and live out this calling. I was simply led to the resources and tools, embarked upon the study and embodiment myself, and then put it into a form that could be undertaken by others. Even so, I’m still not sure what it means to be a high priest according to the Order of Melchizedek!
The timing of this dream is interesting as I find myself at a crossroads of sorts. I’m not alone in this crossroads as I am aware of many who are facing a similar point of no return. The lives we have lived and known for the past fifteen or more years are coming to an end. Those things that have provided a source of income, supporting (in many cases BARELY) our livelihoods are coming to a natural conclusion. In this, I currently find myself standing in the middle of a completely blank slate. It seems all I’ve known and all the ways I’ve provided for myself and my family have come to an end, and there is absolutely nothing on the horizon. To say I’m at peace with this crossroads would be a lie. It’s terrifying! In my best moments I can relax into trust. In my worst moments I feel lost, forsaken, and defeated.
Enter the dream. What does it mean? What is it heralding, acknowledging, affirming? When I enter deep reflection, I see two things: 1) The conclusion of my 3d mission. 2) Me standing in the 5d world with no idea of what I’m supposed to do or how I’m supposed to be in this new world. This is obviously related to an earlier post about adapting to a new way of being.
Is the High Priesthood according to the Order of Melchizedek the new way of being? What does that even mean?
What I do know is what it DOES NOT mean! The priesthood that I have felt inwardly calling to me has absolutely nothing to do with what we have known and experienced as priesthood. My priesthood has nothing to do with hierarchy, power, or privilege. My priesthood is not one of separation where the priest is set apart as special or better. My priesthood doesn’t require special robes, prescribed scriptures, ritual, a name, or even a building. My priesthood would be free of anything that creates and thrives in separation. Instead, my priesthood would be more of a heterarchy (involve relations of interdependence) – an interdependent collaboration of service to one another, each using their own unique gifts for the sake of their own fulfillment and in service to the betterment of the world.
But how does one live that out? How does one make that happen? As the dream seems to suggest, it’s already happened and is happening. The dream acknowledged the priesthood I have been given and have already been living out. Maybe that was all the dream was saying:
We will never truly be free until we confront our shadow. The shadow is all of the parts of ourselves that have not been fully integrated:
Everything we have denied.
Everything we suppress.
Everything we repress.
All the parts of ourselves we judge as negative so we hide them away from the world.
Our unacknowledged fears.
Our unhealed wounds.
The parts of our nature, personality or temperament that we reject.
The parts of ourselves we hide as they are judged as unworthy by our society.
The challenge with the shadow is that (as the Buddhists say), “What we resist will persist.” Hiding, ignoring, denying, imprisoning, bargaining away these parts of ourselves actually does the opposite. Instead of staying hidden, these parts of ourselves come out sideways – often in non-loving behaviors toward ourselves or others.
If we do not confront our shadow and do the difficult work of bringing it to the light so that it can be healed, transformed and re-integrated, then we will never be free. Without doing our shadow work, we will be forever condemned to “a life of quiet desperation” and our lives will amount to nothing because until we are free we will never know peace.
But herein lays the challenge. Few are willing to stand toe to toe with their own inner demons and even fewer have the courage to keep standing there until all their wounds are healed and they are truly free. Instead, they would rather avoid the shadow work while chasing after shiny objects – the illusion of achievement, success, money, power, and fame. In the meantime, their shadow is coming out sideways, hurting themselves and all the people around them. In the end, what they resist will be their demise.
Each and every one of us is uniquely gifted to be a vessel through which the Divine is revealed in our world. Some are gifted with the magic of teaching, others with healing, others with prophecy, support, guidance, compassion, mercy, humility, discernment, service, etc. (In the Catholic Church is which I was raised, these gifts are known as charisms – gifts of the Holy Spirit.) As part of our birthright, each and every one of us was imbued with some special magic.
When engaged with this magic, in service to the betterment of the world, and in service to the Divine who seeks to live through us and be known through us, miracles happen. Miracles happen because it is not we who are doing the magic; it is the Divine working through us. It is through these unique gifts that the Divine plan of Love is made real on this plane and through which we have the opportunity to co-create heaven on earth.
The problem is that early on, most of us learned that the world in which we were living was not a safe place for us to acknowledge, recognize, or share our magic. We learn this when somewhere along the line, we dared to share a glimpse of our magic, and someone condemned us for it, made fun of us for it, we are told we were crazy because of it, or that our magic is the “work of the devil.” As a result, our magic got hidden away.
We hide our magic because the world is afraid of our gifts. Our magic can’t be contained, defined, or even explained. It doesn’t fit into the tiny little box humanity has crafted for itself. It is for the sake of trying to fit into this too-small world that we hide our magic away.
Without our magic, however, we are condemned to live a life of quiet desperation, forever longing for that which cannot be named. We look outside of ourselves for the satisfaction to this longing (shopping, food, drugs, alcohol, sex, TV, gambling, etc. etc. etc.), and find nothing but fleeting moments of “satisfaction” that ultimately leave us longing for more. We suffer depression, anxiety, panic attacks, chronic pain, and unexplainable illnesses. This is the price of hiding our magic. We might fit into the too- small world, but we find no joy in doing so.
Even when we hide our magic, we still don’t fit in, because our magic can never be fully hidden. Our magic leaks out of the corners of our being and no matter how hard we try, others know we are different. We are thought of as strange, weird, or simply unconventional. People grow uncomfortable in our presence and for no fault of our own they try to stay clear of us. Our magic, even when we are hiding it, wakes people up….and some people do not want to be awakened. Our magic, even when we think we have it contained, triggers other people’s unhealed wounds and unacknowledged fears. They are then sure we are to blame and they project their wounds upon us. This is the price of our magic – whether we hide it or not; but this is why we were given our magic in the first place.
We were given our magic for the sake of turning the world from fear into love. We were gifted with our magic to serve the betterment of the world and the conscious evolution of the human race. We were given our magic so that we might be healed and so that others might find healing through our presence and support. We were gifted with our magic so that we might know love and all the world with us.
Don’t you think it’s time to stop hiding our Magic?????
Courses to help identify and then unleash your magic!
In this lesson, we explore the four gospel accounts of the Resurrection of Jesus. When read side-by-side, what immediately becomes obvious is how much these four accounts differ from one another. Did an angel appear first, or Jesus? Did Jesus appear at all or did the disciples only witness an “angel” and an empty tomb? If Jesus did show himself, to whom did he appear – Mary Magdalene alone, Mary in the company of other women, Peter and/or the unnamed disciple?
First Witness
Modern-day scripture scholars have helped us to understand the marked differences between the four gospels, not just in the disparity between the resurrection accounts, but in all that differs from one gospel to the next. A few bullet points to help us understand this disparity:
In the first three centuries after Jesus’ death, hundreds of communities developed around his teachings, each led by one of the original disciples (with the exception of St. Paul) or others who closely followed Jesus, and their subsequent followers.
Each of these communities had their own version of the Jesus story and his teachings.
These stories were not written down until 30-70 years after Jesus’ death. These writing were derived from oral tradition first (think of the telephone game) and it is unlikely that they are first-hand accounts.
These stories were written by a specific author, speaking to a specific audience, desiring to make a specific point. For example, the gospel of Matthew was written to a Jewish audience and attempts to prove, through the use of Hebrew scripture references, that Jesus was the foretold and promised Messiah.
The literary genre of the gospels is unique unto its self, yet is consistent with the Jewish practice of Midrash – an interpretive and reflective narrative meant to plumb the deeper spiritual meaning within a religious text or teaching. In other words, the gospels were never meant to be taken as literal truth.
Only four of these hundreds of communities’ versions of the Jesus story made the “cut” and were included in what we now know as The Bible. This decision was first asserted by Irenaeus in the second century because these specific books supported the political agenda of the emerging Church. This decision was verified in the fourth century after Christianity was named the official religion of the Roman Empire, because these writings supported the political agenda of the Roman Emperor, Constantine.
Many of the stories contained within the books that “made the cut” were redacted (altered) to fit the specific agenda of the emerging Church, first, and later, the Roman Empire (more on this when we discuss the gospel of John).
The bottom line is that we have no way of knowing the literal truth of any of the gospels, only that they communicate stories that were handed down for many years before they were written down by specific people for a specific audience, based on what they remembered or, more likely, what they wanted their audience to believe about Jesus, his life, and his teachings. That is not to say, however, that the gospels do not contain deep and profound truths – especially when we extract the gospel stories from the doctrine that has been developed around then, bringing them into our own prayer, and allowing God to reveal the truths contained within the stories that are personally relevant to us in our own journeys.
Teacher
Beyond our own personal reflections on the gospels, there are a few things we may be able to surmise from the texts, especially for our current purpose of understanding what might really have taken place during the events surrounding Jesus’ resurrection.
In each and every gospel account, Mary Magdalene is named as one who is witness to the resurrection. The same cannot be said of any other “named” witness.
Scripture scholars further highlight this point in noting that Mary is named. Scholarly consensus holds that for a woman to have been named, she must have had a central and critical role in the story of Jesus (remember, women had no personal value within the culture of first-century Palestine). Mary is named in every gospel account of the resurrection, including that portrayed in the Gospel of Mary Magdalene (one of those that didn’t make the cut).
Beyond being named in scripture as witness to the resurrection, Tradition has always honored Mary Magdalene as first witness to the resurrection, so much so that in the very early Church, Mary was identified as “Apostle to the Apostles,” for this is what she was.
“But what about Peter?” we might ask. He is named in both the gospel of Luke and the gospel of John. There is an easy explanation for Peter being named in Luke’s gospel. Scripture scholars tell us it is unlikely that the author of Luke was a direct follower of Jesus. Instead, Luke was most likely a follower of St. Paul, who actually never met Jesus personally. Paul (as Saul of Tarsus) was initially a persecutor of the followers of Jesus, himself ordering the stoning of St. Stephen, the first martyr. Paul later had some sort of mystical experience through which he encountered the risen Christ and then became a champion for the Jesus cause. Paul likely gained his knowledge of the Jesus story from Peter and the other male disciples who presided over the first Christian community in Jerusalem, long after Mary Magdalene left the scene (more on that in the next lesson). By this time, it is likely that the Petrine (Peter) agenda had already been cemented within the Jerusalem community. Because Mary played such an integral part in the resurrection experience, she could not be omitted altogether, but her role was easily downplayed by having Peter, himself, witness to the empty tomb.
Then there is the gospel of John. John’s gospel is markedly different from any of the other gospels and seems to be of a genre unto itself – a gospel that is a theological reflection on the first 100 years of the Jesus movement and on some of the traditions, rituals, and practices that had already become part of the emerging Christian tradition. While one of the later gospels written, John’s gospel also possesses parts of the Mary Magdalene tradition that are not present (or are downplayed) in the other gospels including the Wedding at Cana, the story of the Samaritan Woman at the Well and the Anointing at Bethany. In regards to the story of the resurrection, John’s gospel presents a study in contrasts. First, Mary goes to the tomb. She then runs to tell Peter, who comes to the tomb to see that it is empty. After Peter (and the unnamed disciple) departs Mary sticks around and has a direct and personal encounter with Jesus, who then tells her to go tell the other disciples.
Mystic
John 20: 1-18
20 Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.
2 So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”
3 So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. 4 Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. 5 He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, 7 as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen. 8 Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. 9 (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.) 10 Then the disciples went back to where they were staying.
11 Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12 and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.
13 They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”
“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” 14 At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
15 He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”
16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.”
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).
17 Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”
18 Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.
The conflicting information in this gospel has confounded me for years, until I brought this reading into deep prayer and meditation. Through this approach, the answer became glaringly obvious. The gospel of John contains two separate stories of the resurrection account – one in which Mary is the witness, another where Peter is given privilege. It is my personal belief that the passage regarding Peter was inserted into the Mary story to suit the later Christian Church (second – third century) who sought to put forth a decidedly patriarchal and hierarchical agenda and who had already designated Peter (in tradition if not in fact) leader of the early Church and the first Pope (Historically, Peter never acted in any role similar to that of Pope. There is also doubt as to whether or not he actually made it as far as Rome). Within this agenda, there can be no room for a woman who was obviously commissioned to a leadership role by none other than Jesus, himself. But, don’t take my word for it. Go back and re-read the resurrection account from John – first including the text highlighted in red, then without that portion of the text, and then decide for yourself.
an excerpt from Whispers from the Cave. Learn more HERE.
For my entire professional career, I have lived off less than $30,000 per year – most years closer to $25,000. Back in 1987 when I graduated from college, a single person could live off of $25,000 per year, especially when rent (in the Midwest) for a really nice one-bedroom brownstone was around $350.00 per mo. Fast forward to 2023, and $26,000 is a little (A LOT!) harder to stretch to make ends meet. By some miracle of the universe, I have managed to do it, but I really don’t recommend trying this at home!
People could come up with all kinds of reasons for why I’ve NEVER made an income commensurate with my education or experience. Some might judge me as lazy, or not trying hard enough. Others have suggested I’m “ahead of my time.” Conditioning suggests there must be something wrong with me. Some think it’s simply a matter of me living in the wrong market where people aren’t yet ready for me. The reality is that the answer lies in none of the above. For the entirety of my professional career, I have worked my ass off, done everything the so-called experts say will guarantee my success, and if I thought any more “right thoughts” about money, I’d be wealthier than Mr. Musk.
I sure as hell don’t know why with 14 years of post-secondary education, a pile of certifications, and 30 years of experience, I’m still living far below the federal poverty level, I just know I am. I also know I’m NOT ALONE IN THIS! With a very few exceptions, nearly everyone I know that is called to a more contemplative, self-aware, perhaps creative lifestyle, struggles with money. Either they aren’t getting paid what they’re worth, they’re forced to work a job they hate, or, in my case, they can’t find a well-paying job for their life!
Case in point. In the several (many) times I’ve tried to go against my Soul’s calling to seek out and secure a “real job,” my efforts have blown up in my face. Rather, my efforts simply die a slow and painful (or quick and explosive) death. Just this morning, after a night of sleeplessness, I got up for an interview I had scheduled with a local service organization (I gotta pay my rent!). I got up at 6, took a shower, got dressed up, put on my makeup, had breakfast and coffee, completed my morning meditation. At 9 am I checked my email for a second time and the interviewer had emailed me to say the position had been filled. I wasn’t sure if I should be frustrated and angry (you couldn’t have emailed me on Friday?????) or elated. Truth be told, I’m a little bit of both. I have to believe this was Divine Intervention, but now I’m all dressed up and have nowhere to go!
What happened this morning is the perfect summation of what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I try to find a job that is other than what my heart knows I’m supposed to be (and am already) doing. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It doesn’t matter how many applications I submit, interviews I have, or promises that are made to me about certain opportunities, the results are always the same. Zilch. Nadda. Nothing.
Again, I’m not alone in this! I cannot possibly count the number of (mostly) women I know who find themselves in a very similar, or even more desperate situation. It’s definitely NOT because any of us have chosen poverty or taken some worn out vow. Neither is it some past-life karmic agreement or vow (well, maybe it is?). The fact remains, many of us doing “this” kind of work, committing ourselves to being of service to Love and living a somewhat-mostly contemplative life find ourselves on poverty’s door. Not because we chose it, but simply because it is. I don’t understand it. I don’t get it. It’s not fun. I don’t enjoy it. But it seems that no matter how hard I try or through what means, it is the fate I/we’ve been dealt. There’s really nothing else I can say or do but accept it……while desperately clinging to the words gifted to me by a dear friend today in response to the cancelled interview:
I KNOW YOU as a member of GOD’s army.
If it ain’t aligned it ain’t happening.
YOU are carrying precious cargo.
I absolutely believe this to be true! Now if everyone else would just figure it out! 😊
Modern Monasticism and Contemplative Living
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Lauri Ann Lumby 