Modern Monasticism

Illness and the Monastic Call

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

In Shamanic traditions, a sudden, dramatic, or enduring illness is often recognized as a sign of an individual having a shamanic calling.

“In indigenous cultures a shaman was a person who had some kind of deep initiation experience, whether it was a life-threatening illness, a near-death experience, a psychotic break . . . (R. Inge-Heinze)”

The same seems to be true of those in our modern world called to monastic living. This, at least, has been true for me and for many of those I know who find themselves living a monastic kind of life.

Notice I didn’t say we chose a monastic life. Instead, it seems to be forced upon us – often kicking and screaming. Upon reflection, this isn’t surprising considering that our culture wants and expects us to be anything BUT monastic.

Western culture is completely lacking in examples, models, or paradigms of non-vowed individuals living monasticism as a lifestyle. There are no educational or formative paths for individuals choosing monastic living except for those entering into religious life. Instead, our culture presents us only with examples of how to be a productive, contributing member of society – typically “work” that makes other people money. Nowhere does our culture invite us to explore the possibility of an inward, solitary, meditative life defined by being. Instead, our life choices are all directed outwardly, defined by what we do, how much and how hard we do it, our value defined by this doing.

In a world where we are valued and defined by our doing, and our personal goals are built around this doing, it is no surprise that a true monastic calling has to force its way past all of this in order to get our attention. We have to be awakened out of the fog of everything we’ve been told and all the expectations we have set for ourselves in order to hear this calling. Most often, it seems, we have to be brought to our knees or to the very edge of death before we hear the true calling of our soul – one that has absolutely nothing to do with doing, and everything to do with being.

As it relates to illness specifically, my calling to monastic living began in my childhood where I was plagued by illness, but no one would have recognized it as such. It wasn’t until midlife when this calling caught up with me, specifically through first an anxiety disorder, and then through a debilitating virus that caused permanent damage to my vestibular (inner ear) nerve leaving me with intermittent symptoms that impede my mobility – especially as it relates to driving, and that makes me sensitive to crowds, noise, and movement, and which on some days can cause me acute physical pain. In close proximity to this virus, I also became acutely aware of my empathic abilities (I’d always had them, I just now became aware of them). These abilities make it difficult, if not painful, for me to be “out in the world.” With all of this, I’ve been forced out of the constant activity that was familiar to me. Instead, I have turned inward and been made to embrace a quieter, more gentle, reflective existence.

My experience with illness related to making a choice for monastic living is not unique to me. Every single person I know who has found their way into this kind of existence has suffered a similar kind of fate. Whether it be a debilitating accident, a physical medical condition, chronic illness or what might be diagnosed as a mental health issue, there always seems to be something that forces us out of the “regular” world and into a world of our own.

Arriving at this new way of being is one thing – accepting it as a new way of life is something else entirely. In order to do so, we have to 1) decide we’re not crazy or that there’s something wrong with us. 2) grieve the loss of the former life with which we had become familiar. 3) detach from other people’s judgement of us and our new life. 4) unravel from all the conditioning that tells us we can’t spend our lives just being. 5) let go of our own compulsive need to be filling up all our time with doing when all we really need to do is be. And 6) find pleasure and grace with simplicity and peace.

A Day in the Life

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Yesterday, while working with a client, the topic of monastic living came up. One question that emerged in the conversation was “What does living monastically look like?”  It’s a practical question – and the answer is “it depends.” I can only speak for myself, but in conversations with other friends who have embraced a similar calling/lifestyle, I imagine the answers are somewhat similar. But first, we have to define the question.

The question “what does monastic living look like,” is really a question that means “what do you do all day?”  As we live in an action-oriented world where our perceived value is defined by what we do, this is the most frequent inquiry about monastic living. Again, the answer is “it depends.” On some days there is a lot of doing. On other days, there is little to no doing. Let me give you an example from this very week.

Monday of this week was a day defined by doing. My day looked somewhat like this:

6am wake up.

6-7 am meditation practice

7-8 am check emails, finish some work tasks.

8- 8:20am get ready for yoga class

8:20 leave for yoga.

8:45 – 9:45 yoga class

10 am – shower, etc.

11am lunch

1130 am – 7pm work. Strapped to my computer doing office manager tasks for the ballet studio I work for with a dinner break squeezed in.

7-9 pm – enjoyment.  Reading. Sitting in quiet. Watching TV.

9pm. Bed

Monday was a day of a lot of doing. Tuesday, in contrast, what an entire day of NOTHING. I did my normal morning routine (minus the yoga). I put in a couple hours of admin work. I had brunch with my son. I took a nap. I read a little.  I sat in silence. I may have watched a bit of TV.  But, essentially nothing. After all the energy output on Monday, I didn’t have anything to put into Tuesday, so I didn’t.

Then Wednesday came and it was a busy day with clients, admin work, and then more nothing.

In my experience, monastic living is less about what we do and how we be. For me, the center of it all is my daily practice, and the rest unfolds from there. On some days I have things planned/scheduled, but beyond that, I take each day as it shows up with the energy that I have available to me in that moment. As a recovering compulsive planner and over-doer, my life is now more about allowing what needs to present itself to present, and then stepping into what is asked of me. When nothing is presenting, I remain with the no-thing, not pushing or forcing some sort of doing (aka productivity) out of the no-thing. Much of monastic living is about learning to live in this now moment and allowing ease. The rest seems to take care of itself.

The Practical Reality of Monastic Living

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Living monastically in the modern world begins with an understanding of the practical realities of making this choice. Of course, others may have a different experience of this, but this is how it’s worked out for me (often times kicking and screaming).

Living Really Really Simply

Let’s start with the dollars and cents of it – and here I’m going to be really really transparent.  

In 2023, I made $26,000. $13,560 of that went to rent.  Out of that balance I have to pay my regular living expenses (heat, electric, phone, internet, water, groceries, car insurance, gas, renter’s insurance, health insurance,) along with the expenses related to running a business. That leaves me with very little extra. I have just enough for entertainment via a few streaming channels that I share with my children, a few simple meals out, purchasing a few books on Amazon, and that’s about it. I’m not complaining.  This is a choice I have made and my personal needs are quite low. That being said, many of the things that many Americans take for granted – vacations, new furniture, designer clothes, etc. are not available to me. Nearly everything I own is either thrifted or found deeply discounted. These are the choices I’ve made because I choose peace over the stress other choices would cause me. Not that I’ve really had a choice.

A Choice We Don’t Really Choose

Monastic living is not a choice we make. It is chosen for us – often kicking and screaming. No matter how hard we try to fit into a traditional (Institutional) model, we cannot. These models elude us – making it impossible for us to get a “real job” or live a “normal life.” Every attempt we make at creating a life that fits any sort of traditional western paradigm fails. Every time we try to pursue traditional western definitions of success (money, power, fame) we end up bloody from beating our head against the wall. Remember that story of Jesus being tempted in the desert by Satan and the temptations he is offered?  SAME!  We may be tempted with these but no matter how hard we try, we cannot have them. It’s almost like monasticism is forced upon us.  Yeah, we could go against “God,” but that never goes well does it? Instead we learn to SURRENDER to what is and let our Soul carry us.

Submission and Obedience

Talk about defying western logic!  Monastic living requires that we set aside our personal wants, desires, hopes, dreams, and ego-attachments. To fulfill this calling, we have to surrender our entire selves to some sort of creative intelligence that is not our own (that which some might call “God.”). We have to submit to the guidance of this inner force – even when we believe we aren’t receiving a single shred of guidance. And we have to obey it. What about “free will” you might ask?  I’m not sure as it relates to a monastic calling we have free will. Yes, we could defy the nature and movement of our Soul, but I’ve learned it’s not worth it. It’s so much easier to submit to this calling than to fight the “will of God” – or as one friend calls it, “Universal Intent.”

At the end of the day, living monastically in the modern world is not a choice anyone in their right mind would make – that is why to those who are free to live a regular life, we and our choices appear insane. But for us, the only way we can remain sane is to live the life of a monastic no matter how countercultural that might be.

Living Monastic

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

As an unmarried adult woman of a certain age, living monastic looks a lot differently than how one might imagine. I’m not living in a convent. I haven’t taken vows of chastity, celibacy, or poverty. I don’t wear a habit. I sometimes wear sensible shoes, but only as a matter of comfort, not because it’s dictated by my order. Instead, I’m free to date (if I ever find anyone worthy). I dress as I choose. I earn less than the median income for where I live, but that’s a matter of choice not imposition. I live in a comfortable apartment by myself that I have turned into my personal sanctuary.

Monastic living for me is less about the externals (how things appear from the outside) and more about the ways in which I choose to spend my time and how I choose to be in the world.

Time, for me, is a precious commodity, and one I use wisely. I don’t waste my time on meaningless interactions or the expectations of our culture. Instead, my time is spent in the way in which I want to spend it which starts and ends with silence. As an introvert, I thrive in silence. Silence is my practice. It’s how I tune into myself and Source. Silence is my prayer, my meditation, and my life-blood. Silence is the place I begin each day and to what I return when I find myself disturbed by the world or by my own unhealed wounds. It is in silence that I find comfort, guidance, and healing and often how I share my own gifts like the times I feel called to send healing and love to our broken world. My entire day revolves around this silence and I guard it with my life.

Everything else revolves around that silence including all the doing that must be done in order to exist in this world – managing a household, taking care of chores, grocery shopping, cooking, working to earn a living, (this is the chop wood and carry water part of monastic living), and all the things I do for my own growth and enjoyment – reading, watching TV, writing, spending one on one time with friends, hanging out with my children, doing yoga, and being out in nature.

Also surrounding this silence are all the ways in which I show up in service to humanity – as a spiritual counselor and mentor to others, facilitating classes or groups, officiating at a funeral, and executing my office manager duties at a local ballet studio.  These are just the things that look official – you know, a vehicle for sharing my gifts and for making a living (chop wood carry water).

Beyond these obvious ways of doing is an even deeper showing up for me. This showing up is not about what I DO, but about how I BE. This being includes – being generous, being kind, being thoughtful, being welcoming, being friendly, being gentle, and sometimes being fierce. If I were to give a word to all this being, it would be LOVE – the kind of Love that isn’t all rainbows and unicorns but is sometimes like a shield or a sword – cutting through the bullshit, setting and maintaining boundaries, saying no, and being really really real with the challenges, difficulties, and evils in our world. Sometimes love is delivered in hard truths that some just don’t want to hear, at other times it’s delivered gently, but it is forever and always about love.

Living monastically in the modern world is a personal and counter-cultural choice that I know is not for everyone, but it is 100% for me. Arriving here has been almost sixty years in the making and I’m grateful for all of the experiences that have led me here.

The Only Thing Missing?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

My long-held vision of living a monastic life has always included a cabin deep in the woods to which I can escape and be alone without the bother of humanity. I have dreamed in detail about this cabin and the life I might enjoy there. This cabin is the only thing missing from my so-called monastic life.  But is it?????

Yes, there is something deep in my being that longs to be deep in the woods, in my own little cabin, safe and sequestered away from human beings. I grew up with a cabin such as this – one my paternal grandfather built from a kit and placed deep into the woods of his parents’ 1800’s homestead. Some of my fondest memories of childhood are of the times we spent at the cabin “up at the lake.” It was there we were free to explore: picking wild blueberries, catching frogs, building forts out of fallen branches, fishing off the dock, learning to canoe, and swimming at the beach. It was a wild, untamed place where we were allowed to be even more feral than we already were as children of the 70’s.

My favorite thing about being “up at the lake” was the quiet. Deep in the woods the quiet has its own nature. It is still.  It is hush. But between the silence you could hear the rustle of leaves, the chirping of long skinny green frogs, the twittering of birds, and the call of the loon. The silence in the woods is one in which, when you listen deeply, you can hear the earth breathe.

The cabin in the woods provided me with the foundational experience of that kind of silence. This is the kind of silence I long for. Heretofore I believed that the only way to experience this kind of silence was deep in the woods in a cabin like the one my grandpa built. Life, however, has not cooperated in fulfilling the dream of my own cabin in the woods.  Instead, I find myself living in an apartment in an 1800’s remodeled school building smack dab in the middle of the bustling downtown of Oshkosh, Wisconsin (as bustling as a downtown can be in a town of only 65,000). Not quite a cabin, but a sanctuary, nonetheless.

The reality is that I know myself and one of the things I know about myself is that I do enjoy certain urban amenities. Oshkosh, I recently learned, falls into the category of “15-minute cities.” This means that everything one might need is within a 15-minute drive from home. In Oshkosh, it’s more like 3-10 minutes. I appreciate this kind of convenience. Even more so, I find I thrive in an environment where there is a quaint but artsy coffee shop along with easy access to creativity. As conservative as Oshkosh can be, there is an active, artistic, subculture. These are my people and where I find comfort and companionship. (companionship for me meaning, people I can relate to and have intelligent conversations with). Whereas Oshkosh was never in my life-plan, I’ve been here for just over 30 years and it has become a home.

While I still fantasize about running away to a cabin deep in the woods, I have found that the silence I discovered in nature can also be found in the hustle and bustle of a semi-urban community and that I need look no further than outside my office window for the trees that allow my soul to breathe. As it turns out, I’m not missing anything. Everything I need to live a monastic life has been right here all along.

Exactly Where I Wanted to Be

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

This morning I find myself feeling a little bit like the fairytale heroine who went out looking for her soul’s longing only to wake up one day to realize she already had it and has had it for quite some time.

This is exactly where I find myself with the realization that has been a long-time coming in the midst of me already living it. Who knew?

My soul knew!  The longing has been there for as long as I can remember – even without my young self being able to give it words. Based on the models in which I was raised, the words I can now give to what my soul has longed for (and as it turns out has already been living) is: MONASTIC LIVING – in the modern world.

As it turns out, my home is my “monastery.” My practice is my “church.” My showing up in the world is my way of being of service to humanity. 

These things I have always known, but not in a way that allowed me to fully embrace it. Instead, I’ve been wiggling and writhing through the conditioned ego-attachments of our culture which dictate our understandings of success as defined by material wealth, notoriety, and power.

Additionally, I’ve had to wage an inner battle with pop culture spirituality that tells us the only work that matters is that which bears a certain appearance and comes in a particular package. Nowhere in this model are we told that EVERYTHING we do has the potential to be a kind of service to humanity – everything from my office manager work at the ballet studio to my frequent visits to my favorite coffee shop, to showing up to yoga class, posting on social media, or grocery shopping. True service is not about what we do, but how we are showing up as Love (compassion, joy, peace, gentleness, insight, counsel, companionship, care, etc.) in the world.

Monastic living in the modern world is exactly what I’ve been doing and increasingly so since being given an opportunity to fully immerse myself during the Covid-19 shutdown in 2020. The Covid-19 shutdown fulfilled my longing and I was one of those screaming “NOOOOOOOO” when the shutdown was brought to an end and I had to return to the “real world.” As it turns out, the real world is just as monastic as being locked in my home for three months – I just needed to find my way through the tangled forest of ego attachments and cultural conditioning to realize it.

As it turns out I’ve not only been creating, but actually living my monastic life all along!  I’m already exactly where I’ve long said I wanted to be.

Live Course Starting April 10th

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Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

For centuries, wisdom teachers have spoken about the dark night of the soul, a stage of emptiness and sometimes despair in the spiritual journey – a stage that is pronounced and identifiable, but mostly temporary. We may experience several dark nights of the soul, but as described by these teachers, the dark night is always followed by periods of comfort and resolution.  

What these teachers have not spoken of is the reality of a darker night – one that is not simply a stage but appears to be enduring and potentially everlasting. This is not the dark night of clinical depression (though the two can bear similar traits) but is instead –

a sign of having accomplished the spiritual state of embodiment.

Embodiment is that which surpasses ascension and is the culmination of the human spiritual journey. In becoming embodied (anthropos), we have integrated the union experienced at ascension and are now living more and more fully as Love within our human form and experience. In this state, Source is no longer perceived as outside of us. Neither is Source experienced as an ecstatic inner state.

Instead, Source is experienced only as ourselves.

In the long dark night, we

  • experience what appears to be the absence of “God”
  • miss the ecstasy and intimacy that often accompanies our experiences of union with the Divine
  • feel empty, alone, and often afraid.
  • experience a sense of abandonment
  • become acquainted with the Void – the perceived absence of support, guidance, hope, and direction
  • come face to face with Death
  • become terrified by the possibility of there being nothing – both in life and on the other side of life.

The long dark night can be terrifying as it encompasses in its embrace, the opportunity to heal and transform the final vestiges of our ego attachments, false perceptions, and non-loving conditioning.  

The long dark night supports us in:

  • knowing our own voice as the voice of God
  • understanding our own needs as the needs of Source
  • becoming empowered to trust ourselves as our own Source of guidance and support
  • knowing we are the Love we seek, and living as the embodiment of that Love
  • accepting our own sovereign nature as wonderfully and gloriously made
  • finding peace in the perceived solitude of union/autonomy

In this live, online course, you will:

  • Learn to identify the signs of the long dark night
  • Come to understand the purpose of the long dark night
  • Discover that you are not alone in this mysterious state of becoming
  • Experience resources and tools for navigating the long dark night
  • Be supported in surviving the confusion and desolation that often accompanies the long dark night
Learn more and enroll here.

Poet Prophet Priest

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Over twenty-five years of doing the work I do in the world, and I still don’t know how to explain to people what I do!  Recently I landed upon three words that at least approach the idea of how I function and how that leads to the work I do and the gifts I share in the world.

Poet: Patti Smith once said: “To be an artist is to see what others cannot.” This is how it is with me. I see the world and all of life’s experiences through a depth beyond normal sight. I look beyond appearances to the mystery wherein lies the signs and symbols revealing meaning. I see through my eyes, but more directly, through my feelings. I feel what I see and what is beyond what I see. Herein I seek the beauty beyond the tragedy and the death that lies beyond the veil of perceived beauty. All that glitters is not gold. THEN, I am compelled/forced to put what I see and feel into words. Whether poetry or prose, all that I write is poetic.

Poetic: having an imaginative or sensitively emotional style of expression.

(Oxford English Dictionary)

Prophet: Albert Nolan defines a prophet as “one who is able to see the signs of the times.” More specifically, Nolan says:

Prophets are people who speak out when others remain silent. They are watchful of the areas in need of reform in their own society, their own country, or their own religious institutions. True prophets are men and women who stand up and speak (or act) out about the practices of their own people and their own leaders – while others remain silent. True prophets are not part of the authority structure. Prophets are never appointed, ordained or anointed by the religious establishment. They experience a special calling that comes directly from God, and their message comes from their own personal experience of God.

(Jesus Today – a Spirituality of Radical Freedom (Orbis Books, 2008, pp. 63-67)

Guilty!  If you have observed my work, my writing, my sharing, my community and global participation, you will agree. I speak what I see. I call out systems of injustice. I hold the world to the same standards I hold myself. AND I see where things are going and where we will end up if we continue along the current path.

Being a prophet is not like being a fortune teller.  Instead, it is made up of the practices of deep observation, a knowledge and understanding of human behavior, and applying my own skills of reason and logic. Prophecy isn’t miraculous. Seeing prophetically is a skill accessible to anyone with eyes to see and the logic to comprehend what we are seeing. Being a prophet isn’t really any different than understanding that 1+1=2.  The only difference is that being a prophet, we are compelled to speak what we see.

Priest: Calling myself priest is a tricky one, as the word and vocation itself has been corrupted beyond recognition and for centuries used to inflict all kinds of evils upon our world. In the pre-patriarchal traditions, a priest was a woman or man of the clan who were recognized as possessing certain gifts – gifts of healing, counsel, and teaching. The priest’s gifts came through a deep sensitivity to mystery and an ability to see, hear, and feel beyond the tangible world. The priest communed with the beyond and as such, was able to guide people during the transitory times of life – specifically: birth, growth, loss, and death. The priest was recognized as a leader and of great value to the clan, while being just one in the intimate workings of the community. The priest wasn’t above any other member of the tribe, but stood in circle with all the other gifts required to ensure the tribe’s survival and thrival.

If I claim to be priest, it is more in line with this pre-patriarchal imagining of priesthood and not at all like what we have come to know through institutional religion. Bottom line:  I am here to serve humanity through the gifts that I have and the calling I’ve been given. It’s no wonder I’m the person people turn to when the shit hits the fan, the bottom falls out, and all other efforts have been exhausted. I jokingly say that I might be the Pastor of Oshkosh, but this is not far from the truth as many of my local community will attest.

Poet. Prophet Priest. Yeah.  I can live with that and it’s the best I can do in a world where the work I do still defies definition!

Poet

Visit Lauri’s bookstore for all her poetic writings.

Bookstore

Prophet

Subscribe to Lauri’s blog (below) for recent prophetic writings.

Priest

Lauri is available for one-on-one spiritual counseling.

Learn more here.

Surviving the Long Dark Night

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

For centuries, wisdom teachers have spoken about the dark night of the soul, a stage of emptiness and sometimes despair in the spiritual journey – a stage that is pronounced and identifiable, but mostly temporary. We may experience several dark nights of the soul, but as described by these teachers, the dark night is always followed by periods of comfort and resolution.  

What these teachers have not spoken of is the reality of a darker night – one that is not simply a stage but appears to be enduring and potentially everlasting. This is not the dark night of clinical depression (though the two can bear similar traits) but is instead –

a sign of having accomplished the spiritual state of embodiment.

Embodiment is that which surpasses ascension and is the culmination of the human spiritual journey. In becoming embodied (anthropos), we have integrated the union experienced at ascension and are now living more and more fully as Love within our human form and experience. In this state, Source is no longer perceived as outside of us. Neither is Source experienced as an ecstatic inner state.

Instead, Source is experienced only as ourselves.

In the long dark night, we

  • experience what appears to be the absence of “God”
  • miss the ecstasy and intimacy that often accompanies our experiences of union with the Divine
  • feel empty, alone, and often afraid.
  • experience a sense of abandonment
  • become acquainted with the Void – the perceived absence of support, guidance, hope, and direction
  • come face to face with Death
  • become terrified by the possibility of there being nothing – both in life and on the other side of life.

The long dark night can be terrifying as it encompasses in its embrace, the opportunity to heal and transform the final vestiges of our ego attachments, false perceptions, and non-loving conditioning.  

The long dark night supports us in:

  • knowing our own voice as the voice of God
  • understanding our own needs as the needs of Source
  • becoming empowered to trust ourselves as our own Source of guidance and support
  • knowing we are the Love we seek, and living as the embodiment of that Love
  • accepting our own sovereign nature as wonderfully and gloriously made
  • finding peace in the perceived solitude of union/autonomy

In this live, online course, you will:

  • Learn to identify the signs of the long dark night
  • Come to understand the purpose of the long dark night
  • Discover that you are not alone in this mysterious state of becoming
  • Experience resources and tools for navigating the long dark night
  • Be supported in surviving the confusion and desolation that often accompanies the long dark night
Learn more and enroll here.

Secular Monastic Living

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

with the Order of the Magdalene

My whole life I have been restless – longing and searching for more.  Typically, that “more” meant something other than what I was currently experiencing.  My mom recently reminded me that I was always looking for that next opportunity, next goal, next degree, next job, next relationship.  I was rarely, if ever, satisfied with what was right in front of me, I was always looking for that “something new” that must be right around the corner.  This searching did not arise out of boredom with the status quo – in fact, as one who thrives on order and routine, status quo has always provided me with a sense of comfort.  But still, my heart was restless.  Where was that satisfaction that my Soul longed for and relentlessly searched after? 

The good news is that my searching has not been in vain.  Everything I have explored, searched after, studied, discerned, discarded or applied has been food for the searching.  Every place I landed (albeit temporarily) showed me a part of my Soul and provided me with tools which have proven, not only helpful but life-giving in the great search.  What I had begun to suspect a few years back and which I have now come to understand fully, it was not anything outside of me for which I was searching. 

This whole entire time I was only searching for one thing and that one thing is MYSELF.

Lauri Ann Lumby.  Thriving in order and routine.  An Introvert who likes people and who cherishes intimate friendships.  Creative yet also logical and reasoning.  Outwardly appearing aloof while harboring deep, deep, deep feelings. Highly, highly, highly intuitive (some might even suggest psychic). Hungry for knowledge – specifically of a spiritual nature.  Enjoys a quiet, gentle, ease-filled flow to life.  Repelled by conflict or competition.  Enforcing hard-core boundaries for the sake of self-care.  Recoils from entanglements and anything smelling of co-dependency or manipulation.  A vessel of kindness and support, insight and wisdom.  Yearning for a world where we can all just get along and where people can remember that we are all one. 

This is me.  I have also learned (something I’ve actually known all along) that knowing myself isn’t enough.  What this search has also led me to understand is what MYSELF needs to thrive.  It is not and has never been what our culture keeps trying to sell us – work hard, get a job, make lots of money, buy lots of things, invest your money, save your money, buy cool things with your money, be famous.  You can imagine the inner conflict I’ve been feeling all these years with the world and my Soul constantly fighting for my attention.

No more.  Now I get it and I am living it.  I have set down my conditioned desire for wealth, power, fame and success (as it is defined in our capitalistic culture).  Instead, I am embracing what my Soul needs – a monastic kind of life. But what does that mean in 2023 for an almost 59 year old single mother of two adult children?  The answer to this question has come from living INTO the question – asking my Soul what it needs from moment to moment and doing my best to deliver. 

What does a secular monastic calling look like from day to day? In truth, each day is a little different from another, but here is what my current normal looks like:

  • 6 am wake up.
  • Meditation
  • Breakfast and coffee
  • Check emails and Facebook for messages.
  • Tend to any Order of the Magdalene business that needs tending to.
  • Go to yoga class
  • Shower and get ready for the day
  • Lunch
  • Meditation or reading
  • Chop wood and carry water – YES – I have a “real job” where I go 15-20 hours a week to help me pay for the necessities of life:  food, shelter, etc.
  • Dinner at work
  • Home by 8pm
  • A little light reading or TV watching.
  • 9:00 bedtime.

In 2019 I finally embraced my monastic spirit and made a commitment to it in my daily life.  2020 and the pandemic shutdown and my subsequent eye-surgery that required an 8 week recovery helped me to even more fully anchor this practice. In this I’m finding my place in the world. There is still conflict.  I still experience anxiety, stress, and occasional situational depression.  I spend a fair amount of my time alone – which actually fits my temperament.  My life is not complicit with what a capitalistic culture requires of us.  I don’t have any of the things our culture says we must have.  I don’t own a home.  I don’t have any savings or investments.  I own the simple furnishings and artwork (much of it I have done myself) that are in my home.  Much of what I own came to me second-hand, including the clothes on my back.  It is a simple life.  It is counter cultural.  And it is founded on and established in one thing: 

My relationship with MYSELF and my relationship with that which some call “God.” 

Everything else springs forth out of and revolves around this simple goal – to be One within Myself and therefore One with God and One with everything that is. 

It is here that I am finding contentment and peace and growing in compassion and love.

If the monastic life speaks to your Soul’s yearning, subscribe to my email, follow me on social media, or subscribe to this blog (see below).  If you are looking for connection with others walking a similar path, consider becoming a member of our growing community. All are welcome.