Personal Mastery

Surviving the Long Dark Night

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

For centuries, wisdom teachers have spoken about the dark night of the soul, a stage of emptiness and sometimes despair in the spiritual journey – a stage that is pronounced and identifiable, but mostly temporary. We may experience several dark nights of the soul, but as described by these teachers, the dark night is always followed by periods of comfort and resolution.  

What these teachers have not spoken of is the reality of a darker night – one that is not simply a stage but appears to be enduring and potentially everlasting. This is not the dark night of clinical depression (though the two can bear similar traits) but is instead –

a sign of having accomplished the spiritual state of embodiment.

Embodiment is that which surpasses ascension and is the culmination of the human spiritual journey. In becoming embodied (anthropos), we have integrated the union experienced at ascension and are now living more and more fully as Love within our human form and experience. In this state, Source is no longer perceived as outside of us. Neither is Source experienced as an ecstatic inner state.

Instead, Source is experienced only as ourselves.

In the long dark night, we

  • experience what appears to be the absence of “God”
  • miss the ecstasy and intimacy that often accompanies our experiences of union with the Divine
  • feel empty, alone, and often afraid.
  • experience a sense of abandonment
  • become acquainted with the Void – the perceived absence of support, guidance, hope, and direction
  • come face to face with Death
  • become terrified by the possibility of there being nothing – both in life and on the other side of life.

The long dark night can be terrifying as it encompasses in its embrace, the opportunity to heal and transform the final vestiges of our ego attachments, false perceptions, and non-loving conditioning.  

The long dark night supports us in:

  • knowing our own voice as the voice of God
  • understanding our own needs as the needs of Source
  • becoming empowered to trust ourselves as our own Source of guidance and support
  • knowing we are the Love we seek, and living as the embodiment of that Love
  • accepting our own sovereign nature as wonderfully and gloriously made
  • finding peace in the perceived solitude of union/autonomy

In this live, online course, you will:

  • Learn to identify the signs of the long dark night
  • Come to understand the purpose of the long dark night
  • Discover that you are not alone in this mysterious state of becoming
  • Experience resources and tools for navigating the long dark night
  • Be supported in surviving the confusion and desolation that often accompanies the long dark night
Learn more and enroll here.

Standing Still in a Chaotic World

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Standing Still

Standing still

at the epicenter of

humanity’s quickening.

The cloak of my power wrapped around me:

Metallic gold for power.

Silver for gentleness.

Red for sovereignty.

Midnight for magic.

Black for protection.

White for wisdom.

Green for sanctity and purity of intention.

Magenta for love.

Purple – the color of transformation.

Still as a deeply rooted oak.

Flexible as a willow.

Interconnected as the birch and aspen.

Afire like maple in the fall.

Standing strength as the world

whips up the storms of its dying.

The ever-present death rattle

heaving complaints and false allegations.

Desperately believing it can hide from its doomed fate.

A fate long cast when

privilege forsook unity

and fear sacrificed love.

Has it been since the beginning that the world was doomed?

Humanity, its own worst enemy –

The only species intent on its own destruction.

But in standing still, I and mine are fine.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Beyond Ascension: Shadow Work

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

The farther we move along the path of our spiritual growth, the more our unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears and ego-attachments rear their ugly heads.  These are the thought-forms, emotional reactions and behavior patterns that interfere with our ability to continue confidently on our path toward self-actualization.  Shadow work is the broad term that describes the spiritual practices that support us in healing and transforming these fears so that we are once again free to pursue the path of our highest good. 

Life Purpose

Our life’s purpose is to become self-actualized.  Through the process of self-actualization we are empowered to discover, nurture, cultivate and become empowered in our unique giftedness.  We are called to find meaning and purpose in our lives through the sharing of these gifts, for the sake of our own fulfillment, and in service to the betterment of the world.  Our soul is driven to pursue this path of self-actualization and it is through restlessness and longing that we are driven.

Spiritual Awakening

Somewhere around the time of our first Saturn return, we begin to awaken to the calling of our Soul, and again with renewed vigor at midlife.  We become dissatisfied with life as we know it, longing for something that is more fulfilling and which gives our life a sense of meaning and purpose.  We are awakened through restlessness, boredom, dissatisfaction, impatience and an insatiable yearning for that which we cannot yet describe.

Spiritual Growth

As we pursue this inner longing, we are led to resources and tools to support us in our spiritual growth.  In this process of spiritual growth, we seek to uncover the answer to three questions: 

Who am I?

Whose am I?

What are my gifts and how am I called to use them?

Spiritual Practices

It is through our spiritual practices that we find the answer to these questions.  Any activity that supports us in remembering peace, love and joy can be considered a spiritual practice when approached as such.  Meditation, prayer, mindfulness, contemplation, movement, rigorous physical exercise, being in nature, creative expression, the search for knowledge, our interpersonal relationships, and lovemaking can all be vehicles through which we come in contact with our Soul – our highest truth and the path toward self-actualization. It is also through these practices that we come in contact with our shadow.

The Shadow

The shadow is made up of our unacknowledged fears, ego- attachments and unhealed wounds.  It is within the shadow that we carry the pain of every rejection, criticism, condemnation, betrayal, disappointment, failure, loss, trauma, and every self-defense mechanism we ever built around this pain.  It is in the shadow where our fears reside, along with the part of us that seeks approval from or power over others.  It is also within the shadow that we carry our self-rejection – every experience or aspect of ourselves that has been set aside as imperfect, ugly, shameful, and condemnable.  The shadow contains all that we have hidden from ourselves and attempted to hide from the world.

What We Resist Persists

There is great wisdom in the Buddhist adage, “What we resist will persist.”  This is especially true of the shadow.  Ignoring our fears, unhealed wounds, ego- attachments and self-rejection allowed us the illusion of safety, or at the very least, control.  Safety and control, however, are simply illusions.  Ignoring our past hurts did not save us from future wounding.  In fact, ignoring those hurts likely caused us to become more vulnerable.  No matter how much we push these fears and unhealed wounds away, the more they tend to find their way out through passive aggressive behaviors, negative and disproportionate reactions, self-numbing and self-harming behaviors.  As we move along the path of our spiritual growth, we find that the more we try to resist what we placed in the shadows, the more it seeks to be known.

Shadow Work

This is where shadow work proves beneficial and ultimately empowering.  Shadow work is the courageous process of confronting the ghosts of our past and bringing them to the light.  Engaging in shadow work, we take the time to identify and be present to every fear, unhealed wound and ego-attachment that might try to hinder us on our path of spiritual growth.  We allow ourselves to be present to the hurt, the pain, the fear, the anger, and every emotion in between as we allow those “demons” to be healed and transformed.  As we allow ourselves to be present, we are freed from these fears and are empowered to continue in the way of our truth.

Beyond Ascension

3 live, online sessions

March 6, 13 and 20, 2024

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm (Central Time)

LIVE via ZOOM

Learn more and enroll here.

The Dangers of Spiritual By-Pass

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Spiritual bypass can best be described as: “the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks”(Welwood, J. (2000) [1984]. “Between heaven and earth: principles of inner work”. Toward a psychology of awakening: Buddhism, psychotherapy, and the path of personal and spiritual transformation. Boston: Shambhala Publications. pp. 11–21.).

In spiritual bypass, we avoid, ignore, deny, suppress and repress the challenges, difficulties, disappointments, and suffering that are inherent within the human condition.  Spiritual bypass also includes avoidance and denial of the shadow.  The shadow is made up of our unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears and includes all the aspects of ourselves that we have rejected because we have deemed them unacceptable. 

Spiritual bypass takes many forms, but in essence the action is the same – hoping, believing, acting as if we can simply meditate, pray, chant, or positively affirmation our struggles away.  The universal outcome of spiritual bypass is always the same and is best articulated in the Buddhist saying, “What we resist will persist.”  Through spiritual bypass, we are not dealing with, confronting, healing or transforming anything; we are simply sweeping it under the rug. As is true of everything we avoid, deny, ignore, the rug can only hold so much.  The rug will eventually explode and everything we have shoved under it will come out to haunt us.  Even if we are successful in keeping it all under the rug, what we have resisted and ignored will find its way out sideways – usually in non-loving behaviors toward ourselves or others. Often these behaviors become compulsive (ie: addictions), are disproportionate or uncharacteristic of our true nature.   

Some very clear examples of spiritual bypass and the negative consequence of this pattern of behavior includes: the clergy sex abuse crisis, narcissistic behaviors, abuse, co-dependency, homophobia, violence against children, school shootings and other forms of terrorism.  What we resist will persist and what we suppress will find its way out whether we want it to or not.  I would further suggest that we are currently living in a world seriously caught up in its own bypass – ignoring, denying, projecting away the darkness and pretending that it is all ok when in fact it is not!  Societal bypass is exhibited in our divisive culture where many refuse to see the truth that is staring them in the face because it makes them feel uncomfortable (triggering their own unacknowledged anxiety or unhealed fears), or who instead of acknowledging their role in darkness that exists in our society, either ignore it or project the blame onto someone else.  The bottom line is that we cannot meditate, mantra, pray,“beam love,” think good thoughts, repeat positive affirmations, “La La” the darkness away. Until we learn to face our darkness (individually and collectively) we are guilty of bypass and the darkness will not only persist, it will become worse. 

Now, I will wholeheartedly admit that I am not innocent as it relates to spiritual bypass.   I too have ventured down its path.  I will admit that it felt good there – for awhile – but eventually it kicked my ass! I have since learned that the only way out is through.  If we want to be free of our inner fears, unhealed wounds, and perceived imperfections, we have to go deep into them, feel them, wallow in them, and THEN through our spiritual practices, find our way through them.  In this, we are not covering the darkness with the light; neither are we turning the darkness into the light.  Instead, we are finding the light that is already present within the darkness – if only we have the courage to go there.

The work of dealing with our shadow and confronting all that is broken within us is hard!  It requires personal accountability, self-knowledge, courageous honesty, humility, vulnerability, and discipline.  It also requires the understanding and belief that in the overall scheme of things, what we are tempted to call “darkness” is in fact our light.  Within the struggle, suffering, struggles, challenges and all the things we want to deny or reject about our human experience is there to serve the light.  It is within these perceived challenges where we find our greatest gifts. 

Beyond Ascension

Live, Online Course

Wednesdays, March 6,13,20, 2024

6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

Learn more and enroll here

What You Resist Will Persist

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

There is a quote that has been attributed to Buddhism that I have found to be uncompromisingly true:

“What you resist will persist.”

In my own journey of self-actualization and in the 25 years I have accompanied and guided others through theirs, I have witnessed the proof of this. To this statement, I would further add:

“What you resist, avoid, ignore, suppress, repress, deny, try to escape, etc. will persist.”

As much as we might try, we cannot run from our demons.  That which we do not acknowledge and work on healing will find its way out sideways in non-loving and compulsive behaviors either toward ourselves or others.  That which we do not heal as a culture/world is doomed to repeat itself. In this repetition, the oppressed becomes the oppressor; the abused becomes the abuser; and we end up marrying our unhealed wounds. We cannot escape this truth and we don’t need to look very far to see the proof of it. Most often, the proof is as close as looking in the mirror.

At the center of the process of human development is the healing of our wounds.  By no effort of our own, that which is unhealed within us will make itself known for the purpose of being acknowledged and healed.  When we ignore those wounds, or refuse to do the work of healing them, they don’t go away.  Instead, they become magnified and compounded, making our journey even more difficult.  Our compulsions become addictions. Our guilt-driven conditioning becomes a cycle of self-loathing which we feed through a wide variety of means.  The places where we have felt rejected become a co-dependent drive to find someone (usually unhealthy) to love. 

Ignoring, suppressing, repressing, denying our wounds only causes further harm.  As long as we are bypassing our pain, we are its prisoner.  We will never be free as human beings until we heal our wounds.

One of the great challenges to healing these wounds, however, are all the systems/programs/self-proclaimed teachers/conditioning that encourage distractions or denial over the gritty work of transformation.  “Get over it and move on.”  “Let it go.”  “Offer it up.” “Just keep busy:” “Think positive thoughts.” “Just be grateful.”  “It could be worse.” are all platitudes driven into us by systems that have failed to do their own healing and who are then projecting their unhealed wounds onto their followers.  Anything or anyone that tells us to ignore/deny/suppress/avoid our pain is detrimental to our emotional, mental, psychological, and spiritual wellbeing; and is thwarting our path to true freedom.

While complete freedom can never be fully attained, our Soul compels us to continually seek it out.  Confronting and transforming our wounds, and the conditioning that created them in the first place, is the only sure path to that freedom.  Anything that tells us otherwise is a lie.

Moving Beyond Resistance

Ascension is not the goal, neither is it the purpose of the human journey. Instead, ascension is recognized as the midpoint of the human experience, and a danger for those who would seek to remain there. As was well-attested by the ancients, we are not meant to escape the human condition, but are meant to immerse ourselves fully within it. In this, we move beyond ascension (unity consciousness) and toward full Divine embodiment – the true purpose of the human experience. 

Live, Online, Course

Wednesdays, March 6, 13, 20, 2024

6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

Learn more and enroll here.

Don’t Get Stuck at Ascension

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

For the past number of years, we have been experiencing the great awakening of human consciousness.  This awakening has been given many names and equally as many faces.  Some call it the “New Age Movement” (for the record, there is nothing “New” about New Age. It is simply a rediscovery and reclaiming of what Mystics and Prophets have known all along).  Others call it Ascension.  I’m sure there are other names, but we’ll leave it at that.  While there have been many positive aspects to this awakening, there is one ENORMOUS DANGER and pitfall which very few acknowledge and even more fall into:

The Danger of getting stuck at Ascension.

Ascension is NOT the path to our wholeness.  Ascension is not the goal.  Ascension is not the final outcome.  In fact, our human journey toward wholeness – where we are one with our Divine and Human selves – is not complete until we have moved past ascension and are willing to descend into the depths of our own, as well as the world’s darkness.  Descending is the profoundly challenging (and yet deeply liberating and rewarding) part of our journey toward wholeness where we come face to face with:

  • Our unhealed wounds.
  • Our unacknowledged anxiety.
  • Our egoic attachments.
  • Our societal conditioning.
  • The inner demons that have hindered us from fulfilling our mission and purpose on this plane.
  • Death.

After we ascend and discover the ecstasy of our Union with the Divine (our higher and truest self), we have to bring that Union into embodiment.  The only way to embody our true and Divine Self is to let it come through us, bringing us face to face with all of who and what we are that is not in alignment with Love.  This is the work of the Shadow Worker and where our true gifts come to light.

The truth about Descending is that we cannot “LaLa” the darkness away.  Neither can we avoid it by escaping into reverie.  We don’t change things by thinking the right thoughts, raising our vibration, eating “more highly vibrational foods,” or through thoughts and prayers. We have to do the messy, dirty, sometimes terrifying work of turning away from the light and toward the darkness.  This is the DEEP DIVE that has nothing to do with “Dark Night of the Soul” and everything to do with the BIRTH of our Soul.  Here, the fragmented and broken parts of our humanness are acknowledged, transformed, and then released so that only Love remains.  I will make no bones about this part:  the LOVE that we are is not some glittery, flowy, rainbow filled unicorn of light.  This is the LOVE that can withstand all that we are, all the world is, and everything life will hand us, without turning tail and running away.  This is the Love made up of fierce courage.  It is the Love of Mother Kali who cuts away all that is not supportive of our mission and purpose on this plane.  On a collective level, it is the Love of the Destroyer that burns down whatever stands in the way of our human evolution – even the Brazilian Rainforest if that is what it takes to

WAKE US UP

But again, here is the trick:  We do not arrive at our wholeness through “love and light.”  We get there by burning the f’cker down.  And the work starts and ends with ourselves!

If we are not willing to do the challenging work of facing and being with our darkness and our greatest fears, then we cannot be a source of Love and support for our dying world.  If we do not do this critically important work, choosing instead to escape into Ascension, then we will suffer the consequences.

While Ascending past the illusion of separation and finding our Union with Self is an important first step, avoiding the Descent will paralyze us with this one critical truth:

What we resist will persist!

As a friend of mine once observed, “God is a nag!”  I would translate that by saying that our True Self, our Soul is a heartless bitch!  She will hound us until our work is done.  The harder we work against Her, the more vicious She becomes. Choosing only Ascension, imprisons us in our darkness which then comes out sideways in:

  • Blaming.
  • Shaming.
  • Manipulating.
  • Passive Aggressive and .Bullying Behaviors.
  • And the king of all demons:  DENIAL. 

When we are stuck in ascension, we are blind to our darkness (oh, we might see it, but we will do everything we can to “La La” it away).  We pretend it isn’t there.  We avoid anything that might have to do with death, disappointment, failure or inner conflict.  We pretend we know ourselves, when we really do not.  Our unhealed wounds come out sideways as we spin round and round in the drain of our inability to be completely and wholly accountable to and responsible for ourselves. 

The journey if descent is excruciating, but staying in ascension is even worse!  How would you like to spend an eternity in the game of pretend?  Pretty soon you can no longer remember the lies you have told yourself to stay in the light as your darkness overtakes you.

Sigh.

Here’s the really funny thing about this truth……Jesus knew it, and so did the Kabbalists who were likely his teachers. 

Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him and said of him,
“Here is a true child of Israel.
There is no duplicity in him.”
Nathanael said to him, “How do you know me?”
Jesus answered and said to him,
“Before Philip called you, I saw you under the fig tree.”
Nathanael answered him,
“Rabbi, you are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel.”
Jesus answered and said to him,
“Do you believe
because I told you that I saw you under the fig tree?
You will see greater things than this.”
And he said to him, “Amen, amen, I say to you,
you will see heaven opened and the angels of God
ascending and descending on the Son of Man.”

JN 1: 47-51

“Amen, amen, I say to you,
you will see heaven opened and the angels of God
ascending and descending on the Son of Man.”

In the cryptic statement above, Jesus is describing the initiatory process that he was inviting Nathaniel into.  Jesus is describing the ascending and descending process of coming into our wholeness as human beings.  Before the institutional Church designated Jesus “the only Son of Man,”  this was a common phrase which simply meant all of human kind.  Here Jesus is saying, “Nathaniel, if you come with me, I will show you how to become a fully integrated human being – Divine and Human, balanced in your masculine and feminine, and living out the fullness of your mission and purpose on this plane.”  In short, Jesus was inviting Nathaniel to join him in the knowledge of “the kingdom of God,” the word Jesus used to describe the fulfillment of our human spiritual journey:

To know Oneness with –

  • The Divine
  • Ourselves
  • Each other
  • All of creation.

The kingdom of God.  Enlightenment.  Wholeness.  Peace.  Contentment and Joy.

But as the Tree of Life demonstrates, the journey of Oneness that Jesus promised did not end in our meeting with God.  Instead, we have to bring our Union with the Divine fully into our human experience where we can live it out. 

Learn more and enroll here.

Live, Online Course

March 6, 13, 20, 2024

  • Discover the distinction between ascension and embodiment and their proper roles in your journey.
  • Understand the temptations to remaining in ascension.
  • Identify the symptoms of resistance to embodiment.
  • Explore the ancient map of the human spiritual journey as it was articulate through the Kabbalah. 
  • Learn the predictable stages of depth work required for embodiment. 
  • Join in this exploration through sharing and discussion in the company of like-minded individuals. 

Beyond Ascension: Upcoming Live Course

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Ascension is not the goal, neither is it the purpose of the human journey. Instead, ascension is recognized as the midpoint of the human experience, and a danger for those who would seek to remain there. As was well-attested by the ancients, we are not meant to escape the human condition, but are meant to immerse ourselves fully within it. In this, we move beyond ascension (unity consciousness) and toward full Divine embodiment – the true purpose of the human experience. 

In this live, online, course you will:

  • Discover the distinction between ascension and embodiment and their proper roles in your journey.
  • Understand the temptations to remaining in ascension.
  • Identify the symptoms of resistance to embodiment.
  • Explore the ancient map of the human spiritual journey as it was articulate through the Kabbalah. 
  • Learn the predictable stages of depth work required for embodiment. 
  • Join in this exploration through sharing and discussion in the company of like-minded individuals. 

3 Live Sessions via ZOOM

March 6, 13, 20, 2024

6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

Learn more and enroll here.

Magdalene Deep Dive

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

FREE LIVE EVENT!

Beyond institutional condemnation and pop-culture mythology are the documented truths of Mary, called Magdalene. Combining scholarly exegesis with deep contemplative practice, the truths of the Magdalene are revealed: the foremost among Jesus’ disciples who most fully embodied his teachings and was then called to continue Jesus’ mission of Love – catalyzing and then supporting the evolution of human consciousness – calling forth and supporting humans in becoming fully self-actualized – knowing who they are, what their unique gifts are and how they are called to share those gifts in the world for the sake of their own fulfillment and in support of the betterment of our world.

Hosted by CoCreators Convergence
FREE and Open to the public

ZOOM Access:   https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83114637833

During this Live Event, we will be taking a deep dive into scriptural evidence related to Mary Magdalene of an in-depth protocol and process for supporting human development that Jesus revealed to Mary and that she went on to share with others. Integrating ancient psychology with spiritual practice, this process supported individuals in transforming the inner obstacles to Love so that they might become “fully human” – what today we would refer to as self-realized or self-actualized.   Lauri then presents a streamlined, modern interpretation of this protocol that she has come to call “Authentic Freedom.” making this process accessible to a diverse and modern audience.

​

Learn more HERE

What Comes After “The End?”

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

In this week’s gathering of the Magdalene Membership community, we explored the question, “What is on the other side of the end?”  Taking inspiration from Isaiah 64, we dove deep into our own experiences of endings and what came after? Or rather, how did we survive them?

Isaiah 64, penned not by the prophet Isaiah himself, but by a disciple of his teachings, identified by scholars as “Third Isaiah,” unveils the confusion, heartache, and sense of hopelessness and lack of direction experienced by the Hebrews as they were released from their exile in Babylon and were returning to Israel.  The home they had once known had been destroyed. The temple had been torn down, obliterating all they thought they had known of their “God” and their relationship to “Him.” The beliefs and practices that had been the center of their existence were no longer.  The slate they were left with was blank and they were forced to be present to unknowing, unbelieving and the feeling of having no guidance to draw from.

Third Isaiah gives expression to all the many layers of bewilderment and in doing so, affirms and validates the experience of the Hebrews while attempting to give them hope in the possibility of something not yet known.

In short, Third Isaiah reminds the Hebrews that in the no-thing (Ain-Sof)

is limitless potential.

When the end has come and we are left with nothing, we can be certain that there will be something on the other side of the end. Getting to that other side, however, is everything but easy! In order to get to the other side of the end, we first have to be willing to let go.  Not just “let IT go,” we have to LET IT ALL GO.  We have to let go of our attachment to everything we thought we knew, thought we believed, and hoped for of our life before the end. We have to let go so much that there is literally nothing left – including (especially) our need to control.

As we are letting go, we have to grieve. We must grieve every loss, every old belief, every past relationship, every goal and every hope. In the grieving, we are supporting ourselves in healing from the loss and inner sense of betrayal that happens as we approach the end. Further, grief allows us to continue our emptying.

We must be fully empty, and fully immersed in the VOID before we can begin to receive anything new. In order to be immersed in the VOID, however, we first have to move through the sheer terror that comes with the VOID – and this is no easy feat! 

As it turns out, our greatest fear is not of death,

but of the possibility that after life there is NOTHING.

This is the fear we encounter as we approach the void.  When we allow ourselves to be fully present to that terror, we find comfort in the state of nothingness. It only in finding this comfort that we can begin to be open to something new.

This is what the Hebrews experienced in their return from exile. In being present with the no-thing, they began to be open to the Mystery revealing itself and to simply being present with what is in this moment. This is where we too are invited when facing the many endings of our lives – learning to be present to what is and simply being present to the mystery of life. This alone, we eventually discover, is really all there is, and it is enough.