Personal Mastery

Loved a Narcissist?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

If you have loved a narcissist, absolutely NOTHING was your fault. NOTHING was your responsibility. There were no lessons to learn.

Instead, EVERYTHING is the responsibility and fault of the narcissist. Narcissists prey on our tender, generous, and vulnerable hearts. They deceive us for their gain. They keep secrets to guarantee our curiosity and hope. They know their actions are manipulative and evil, but they also know the capacity of our forgiveness and our willingness to see them through the lens of compassion and understanding. They thrive on us feeling sorry for them because of the wounds that make them do the hateful things they do. They know that instead of holding them accountable, we will take responsibility for their actions, or at the very least, view every single conflict as a vehicle for learning and growth.

They also know all the ways in which we’ve been punished in the past for asking for our needs to be met or inviting another’s accountability, and they will punish us in the same way. They know we are used to being the grown up in a relationship and that we were forced to grow up early and to bear the burden of over responsibility very early in our lives.

They know of our shame and our guilt and they use these against us, for they have neither.

A narcissist has no shame. They will never apologize or take responsibility for their actions. They will never work to make things right.

With a narcissist, there is only one thing we can do: 

WALK AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK

You did nothing wrong. Nothing was your fault. There were no lessons to learn, except perhaps, to get the f*ck out. And I guarantee, the narcissist won’t bat and eye and will likely never think of you again – for they’re already on to the next person to harm.

Tested in Fire: New LIVE Course

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Live online course with Lauri Ann Lumby

Six sessions

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

May 8 – June 12, 2024

Live via ZOOM*

After we have tasted the unifying experience of Union with God/Source/Love that we experience at ascension (enlightenment, bliss, etc.) we are cast out of that bliss into a process in which we are “tested like gold that is tested in fire.” The ancients have called this the journey of descent.  Here we come face to face with all the aspects of ourselves that are not wholly rooted in love: our unhealed fears, past traumas, societal conditioning, and ego attachments. In this we are invited to confront our own inner “demons” and transform them into vehicles of Love so that we might fulfill the purpose of the human spiritual journey – the embodiment of Love/God.

In this six-week course, you will:

  • Explore the psychology of the journey of descent as it relates to human development.
  • Acknowledge and confront the challenges inherent in the journey of descent.
  • Learn the language and stages of descent through the Tree of Life as articulated in ancient pre-Christian mystical traditions.
  • Come to understand the Tree of Death as a vehicle of liberation from egoic attachments.
  • Find support in identifying that which limits your ability to know and be Love.
  • Provided with tools for transforming the “demons” experienced in the journey of descent into vehicles of Love.
  • Grow in becoming the embodiment of Love.

This course is:

  • Inspired by scholarship
  • Anchored in original source material
  • Grounded in sound mindfulness and creativity practices
  • Incorporating tried and tested methods for transformation
  • Rooted in the psychology of human development

** For those who have already taken the Beyond Ascension course, Tested in Fire stands on its own while going into much greater depth than was able to be covered in the Beyond Ascension class.  

Learn more and enroll HERE

The Four Pillars

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The Order of the Magdalene with Lauri Ann Lumby is firmly rooted in the four pillars of:

  • Spirituality
  • Science
  • Psychology
  • Education

The Order of the Magdalene is founded on the belief that pillars are not meant to contain or control but are intended to uplift while providing ongoing encouragement and support. It is a model based on empowerment, not on oppression.

Psychology – specifically Human Development

The primary focus of the Order of the Magdalene is to provide education, resources, and tools which support human beings in becoming self-actualized. Self-actualization, a term first coined by Kurt Goldstein and then popularized by Abraham Maslow, is a process by which human beings are compelled toward reaching their full potential.  Maslow defined self-actualization as:

            Self-actualization (also referred to as self-realization or self-cultivation) can be described as the complete realization of one’s potential as manifest in peak experiences which involve the full development of one’s abilities and appreciation for life. (Maslow, 1962)

Self-actualized people know:

  • Who they are.
  • How they are uniquely gifted.
  • How they are called to live out those gifts for the sake of their own fulfillment and in service to the betterment of the world.

Furthermore, self-actualized people have found a deep sense of inner contentment, along with a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives. Becoming self-actualized is the ultimate fulfillment of the human journey.

Spirituality

Spirituality is inherent in every person. Each one of us is driven by an invisible force that compels us to seek meaning and purpose in our lives. Connecting with this invisible force (however we define or identify that force) helps us to access inner guidance, knowledge, understanding, contentment, and peace. The Order of the Magdalene supports the unique spiritual journey and spiritual development of each individual by providing tools and practices that are universal and free of doctrine or dogma.  Here western and eastern contemplative practices meet, providing a path consistent with our increasingly wholistic and secular world.  Instead of experiencing these practices through the lens of division, we find union in an open dialog and exploration of all the ways in which human beings have nurtured this inherent yearning to explore mystery. In this way, we are empowered to discover our own truth along with the path of our highest good.

Science

History has shown us the endurance of spiritual/contemplative practices including mindfulness, meditation, silence, and contemplation, and the benefits experienced by those dedicated to these practices. With recent advances in science, specifically neurobiology, we can now see the proof of what before were only theories based on subjective observation.  Through the science of such pioneers as Zinn, Davidson, and Newberg, the Order of the Magdalene has found validation and support for our methods.

Education

With training in adult education, developmental psychology, spiritual formation, and project-based learning, Lauri Ann Lumby, founder, and spiritual director of the Order of the Magdalene, has created an experiential learning model that is adaptable to the individual learning style and temperament of each participant. One-on-one support provides the additional resources that guarantee that the individual needs of each client and student are met and their formative desires fulfilled.

Putting it All Together

Through a solid foundation built upon the four pillars of psychology, spirituality, science and education, The Order of the Magdalene provides a comprehensive approach to the process of human development.  Self-actualization is supported through our online classes, workshops, books, community gatherings and one-on-one support. 

LIVE COURSE STARTING APRIL 10th!

Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

Learn more and enroll

Live Course Starting April 10th

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Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

For centuries, wisdom teachers have spoken about the dark night of the soul, a stage of emptiness and sometimes despair in the spiritual journey – a stage that is pronounced and identifiable, but mostly temporary. We may experience several dark nights of the soul, but as described by these teachers, the dark night is always followed by periods of comfort and resolution.  

What these teachers have not spoken of is the reality of a darker night – one that is not simply a stage but appears to be enduring and potentially everlasting. This is not the dark night of clinical depression (though the two can bear similar traits) but is instead –

a sign of having accomplished the spiritual state of embodiment.

Embodiment is that which surpasses ascension and is the culmination of the human spiritual journey. In becoming embodied (anthropos), we have integrated the union experienced at ascension and are now living more and more fully as Love within our human form and experience. In this state, Source is no longer perceived as outside of us. Neither is Source experienced as an ecstatic inner state.

Instead, Source is experienced only as ourselves.

In the long dark night, we

  • experience what appears to be the absence of “God”
  • miss the ecstasy and intimacy that often accompanies our experiences of union with the Divine
  • feel empty, alone, and often afraid.
  • experience a sense of abandonment
  • become acquainted with the Void – the perceived absence of support, guidance, hope, and direction
  • come face to face with Death
  • become terrified by the possibility of there being nothing – both in life and on the other side of life.

The long dark night can be terrifying as it encompasses in its embrace, the opportunity to heal and transform the final vestiges of our ego attachments, false perceptions, and non-loving conditioning.  

The long dark night supports us in:

  • knowing our own voice as the voice of God
  • understanding our own needs as the needs of Source
  • becoming empowered to trust ourselves as our own Source of guidance and support
  • knowing we are the Love we seek, and living as the embodiment of that Love
  • accepting our own sovereign nature as wonderfully and gloriously made
  • finding peace in the perceived solitude of union/autonomy

In this live, online course, you will:

  • Learn to identify the signs of the long dark night
  • Come to understand the purpose of the long dark night
  • Discover that you are not alone in this mysterious state of becoming
  • Experience resources and tools for navigating the long dark night
  • Be supported in surviving the confusion and desolation that often accompanies the long dark night
Learn more and enroll here.

The Long Dark Night

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

The Long Dark Night

Deafening silence echoing into the void.

Where is the voice of my God?

The voice I used to hear on the wind,

see in my dreams,

taste in my prayers?

Feeling “His” loving embrace like the comfort of a warm blanket –

a shield of protection.

In “His” arms I felt safe.

A compass offering guidance.

A weathervane pointing out coming storms.

A sextant tracking the movement of the stars.

A barometer alerting changing pressure.

Where there was once surety, this is only confusion.

The only voice now is my own.

The Long Dark Night is made of this.

As we come to embrace this, we realize

that to hear the voice of God, we need only listen to ourselves.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

Learn more and enroll here.

Surviving the Long Dark Night

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

For centuries, wisdom teachers have spoken about the dark night of the soul, a stage of emptiness and sometimes despair in the spiritual journey – a stage that is pronounced and identifiable, but mostly temporary. We may experience several dark nights of the soul, but as described by these teachers, the dark night is always followed by periods of comfort and resolution.  

What these teachers have not spoken of is the reality of a darker night – one that is not simply a stage but appears to be enduring and potentially everlasting. This is not the dark night of clinical depression (though the two can bear similar traits) but is instead –

a sign of having accomplished the spiritual state of embodiment.

Embodiment is that which surpasses ascension and is the culmination of the human spiritual journey. In becoming embodied (anthropos), we have integrated the union experienced at ascension and are now living more and more fully as Love within our human form and experience. In this state, Source is no longer perceived as outside of us. Neither is Source experienced as an ecstatic inner state.

Instead, Source is experienced only as ourselves.

In the long dark night, we

  • experience what appears to be the absence of “God”
  • miss the ecstasy and intimacy that often accompanies our experiences of union with the Divine
  • feel empty, alone, and often afraid.
  • experience a sense of abandonment
  • become acquainted with the Void – the perceived absence of support, guidance, hope, and direction
  • come face to face with Death
  • become terrified by the possibility of there being nothing – both in life and on the other side of life.

The long dark night can be terrifying as it encompasses in its embrace, the opportunity to heal and transform the final vestiges of our ego attachments, false perceptions, and non-loving conditioning.  

The long dark night supports us in:

  • knowing our own voice as the voice of God
  • understanding our own needs as the needs of Source
  • becoming empowered to trust ourselves as our own Source of guidance and support
  • knowing we are the Love we seek, and living as the embodiment of that Love
  • accepting our own sovereign nature as wonderfully and gloriously made
  • finding peace in the perceived solitude of union/autonomy

In this live, online course, you will:

  • Learn to identify the signs of the long dark night
  • Come to understand the purpose of the long dark night
  • Discover that you are not alone in this mysterious state of becoming
  • Experience resources and tools for navigating the long dark night
  • Be supported in surviving the confusion and desolation that often accompanies the long dark night
Learn more and enroll here.

Standing Still in a Chaotic World

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Standing Still

Standing still

at the epicenter of

humanity’s quickening.

The cloak of my power wrapped around me:

Metallic gold for power.

Silver for gentleness.

Red for sovereignty.

Midnight for magic.

Black for protection.

White for wisdom.

Green for sanctity and purity of intention.

Magenta for love.

Purple – the color of transformation.

Still as a deeply rooted oak.

Flexible as a willow.

Interconnected as the birch and aspen.

Afire like maple in the fall.

Standing strength as the world

whips up the storms of its dying.

The ever-present death rattle

heaving complaints and false allegations.

Desperately believing it can hide from its doomed fate.

A fate long cast when

privilege forsook unity

and fear sacrificed love.

Has it been since the beginning that the world was doomed?

Humanity, its own worst enemy –

The only species intent on its own destruction.

But in standing still, I and mine are fine.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Beyond Ascension: Shadow Work

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The farther we move along the path of our spiritual growth, the more our unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears and ego-attachments rear their ugly heads.  These are the thought-forms, emotional reactions and behavior patterns that interfere with our ability to continue confidently on our path toward self-actualization.  Shadow work is the broad term that describes the spiritual practices that support us in healing and transforming these fears so that we are once again free to pursue the path of our highest good. 

Life Purpose

Our life’s purpose is to become self-actualized.  Through the process of self-actualization we are empowered to discover, nurture, cultivate and become empowered in our unique giftedness.  We are called to find meaning and purpose in our lives through the sharing of these gifts, for the sake of our own fulfillment, and in service to the betterment of the world.  Our soul is driven to pursue this path of self-actualization and it is through restlessness and longing that we are driven.

Spiritual Awakening

Somewhere around the time of our first Saturn return, we begin to awaken to the calling of our Soul, and again with renewed vigor at midlife.  We become dissatisfied with life as we know it, longing for something that is more fulfilling and which gives our life a sense of meaning and purpose.  We are awakened through restlessness, boredom, dissatisfaction, impatience and an insatiable yearning for that which we cannot yet describe.

Spiritual Growth

As we pursue this inner longing, we are led to resources and tools to support us in our spiritual growth.  In this process of spiritual growth, we seek to uncover the answer to three questions: 

Who am I?

Whose am I?

What are my gifts and how am I called to use them?

Spiritual Practices

It is through our spiritual practices that we find the answer to these questions.  Any activity that supports us in remembering peace, love and joy can be considered a spiritual practice when approached as such.  Meditation, prayer, mindfulness, contemplation, movement, rigorous physical exercise, being in nature, creative expression, the search for knowledge, our interpersonal relationships, and lovemaking can all be vehicles through which we come in contact with our Soul – our highest truth and the path toward self-actualization. It is also through these practices that we come in contact with our shadow.

The Shadow

The shadow is made up of our unacknowledged fears, ego- attachments and unhealed wounds.  It is within the shadow that we carry the pain of every rejection, criticism, condemnation, betrayal, disappointment, failure, loss, trauma, and every self-defense mechanism we ever built around this pain.  It is in the shadow where our fears reside, along with the part of us that seeks approval from or power over others.  It is also within the shadow that we carry our self-rejection – every experience or aspect of ourselves that has been set aside as imperfect, ugly, shameful, and condemnable.  The shadow contains all that we have hidden from ourselves and attempted to hide from the world.

What We Resist Persists

There is great wisdom in the Buddhist adage, “What we resist will persist.”  This is especially true of the shadow.  Ignoring our fears, unhealed wounds, ego- attachments and self-rejection allowed us the illusion of safety, or at the very least, control.  Safety and control, however, are simply illusions.  Ignoring our past hurts did not save us from future wounding.  In fact, ignoring those hurts likely caused us to become more vulnerable.  No matter how much we push these fears and unhealed wounds away, the more they tend to find their way out through passive aggressive behaviors, negative and disproportionate reactions, self-numbing and self-harming behaviors.  As we move along the path of our spiritual growth, we find that the more we try to resist what we placed in the shadows, the more it seeks to be known.

Shadow Work

This is where shadow work proves beneficial and ultimately empowering.  Shadow work is the courageous process of confronting the ghosts of our past and bringing them to the light.  Engaging in shadow work, we take the time to identify and be present to every fear, unhealed wound and ego-attachment that might try to hinder us on our path of spiritual growth.  We allow ourselves to be present to the hurt, the pain, the fear, the anger, and every emotion in between as we allow those “demons” to be healed and transformed.  As we allow ourselves to be present, we are freed from these fears and are empowered to continue in the way of our truth.

Beyond Ascension

3 live, online sessions

March 6, 13 and 20, 2024

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm (Central Time)

LIVE via ZOOM

Learn more and enroll here.

The Dangers of Spiritual By-Pass

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Spiritual bypass can best be described as: “the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks”(Welwood, J. (2000) [1984]. “Between heaven and earth: principles of inner work”. Toward a psychology of awakening: Buddhism, psychotherapy, and the path of personal and spiritual transformation. Boston: Shambhala Publications. pp. 11–21.).

In spiritual bypass, we avoid, ignore, deny, suppress and repress the challenges, difficulties, disappointments, and suffering that are inherent within the human condition.  Spiritual bypass also includes avoidance and denial of the shadow.  The shadow is made up of our unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears and includes all the aspects of ourselves that we have rejected because we have deemed them unacceptable. 

Spiritual bypass takes many forms, but in essence the action is the same – hoping, believing, acting as if we can simply meditate, pray, chant, or positively affirmation our struggles away.  The universal outcome of spiritual bypass is always the same and is best articulated in the Buddhist saying, “What we resist will persist.”  Through spiritual bypass, we are not dealing with, confronting, healing or transforming anything; we are simply sweeping it under the rug. As is true of everything we avoid, deny, ignore, the rug can only hold so much.  The rug will eventually explode and everything we have shoved under it will come out to haunt us.  Even if we are successful in keeping it all under the rug, what we have resisted and ignored will find its way out sideways – usually in non-loving behaviors toward ourselves or others. Often these behaviors become compulsive (ie: addictions), are disproportionate or uncharacteristic of our true nature.   

Some very clear examples of spiritual bypass and the negative consequence of this pattern of behavior includes: the clergy sex abuse crisis, narcissistic behaviors, abuse, co-dependency, homophobia, violence against children, school shootings and other forms of terrorism.  What we resist will persist and what we suppress will find its way out whether we want it to or not.  I would further suggest that we are currently living in a world seriously caught up in its own bypass – ignoring, denying, projecting away the darkness and pretending that it is all ok when in fact it is not!  Societal bypass is exhibited in our divisive culture where many refuse to see the truth that is staring them in the face because it makes them feel uncomfortable (triggering their own unacknowledged anxiety or unhealed fears), or who instead of acknowledging their role in darkness that exists in our society, either ignore it or project the blame onto someone else.  The bottom line is that we cannot meditate, mantra, pray,“beam love,” think good thoughts, repeat positive affirmations, “La La” the darkness away. Until we learn to face our darkness (individually and collectively) we are guilty of bypass and the darkness will not only persist, it will become worse. 

Now, I will wholeheartedly admit that I am not innocent as it relates to spiritual bypass.   I too have ventured down its path.  I will admit that it felt good there – for awhile – but eventually it kicked my ass! I have since learned that the only way out is through.  If we want to be free of our inner fears, unhealed wounds, and perceived imperfections, we have to go deep into them, feel them, wallow in them, and THEN through our spiritual practices, find our way through them.  In this, we are not covering the darkness with the light; neither are we turning the darkness into the light.  Instead, we are finding the light that is already present within the darkness – if only we have the courage to go there.

The work of dealing with our shadow and confronting all that is broken within us is hard!  It requires personal accountability, self-knowledge, courageous honesty, humility, vulnerability, and discipline.  It also requires the understanding and belief that in the overall scheme of things, what we are tempted to call “darkness” is in fact our light.  Within the struggle, suffering, struggles, challenges and all the things we want to deny or reject about our human experience is there to serve the light.  It is within these perceived challenges where we find our greatest gifts. 

Beyond Ascension

Live, Online Course

Wednesdays, March 6,13,20, 2024

6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

Learn more and enroll here

What You Resist Will Persist

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

There is a quote that has been attributed to Buddhism that I have found to be uncompromisingly true:

“What you resist will persist.”

In my own journey of self-actualization and in the 25 years I have accompanied and guided others through theirs, I have witnessed the proof of this. To this statement, I would further add:

“What you resist, avoid, ignore, suppress, repress, deny, try to escape, etc. will persist.”

As much as we might try, we cannot run from our demons.  That which we do not acknowledge and work on healing will find its way out sideways in non-loving and compulsive behaviors either toward ourselves or others.  That which we do not heal as a culture/world is doomed to repeat itself. In this repetition, the oppressed becomes the oppressor; the abused becomes the abuser; and we end up marrying our unhealed wounds. We cannot escape this truth and we don’t need to look very far to see the proof of it. Most often, the proof is as close as looking in the mirror.

At the center of the process of human development is the healing of our wounds.  By no effort of our own, that which is unhealed within us will make itself known for the purpose of being acknowledged and healed.  When we ignore those wounds, or refuse to do the work of healing them, they don’t go away.  Instead, they become magnified and compounded, making our journey even more difficult.  Our compulsions become addictions. Our guilt-driven conditioning becomes a cycle of self-loathing which we feed through a wide variety of means.  The places where we have felt rejected become a co-dependent drive to find someone (usually unhealthy) to love. 

Ignoring, suppressing, repressing, denying our wounds only causes further harm.  As long as we are bypassing our pain, we are its prisoner.  We will never be free as human beings until we heal our wounds.

One of the great challenges to healing these wounds, however, are all the systems/programs/self-proclaimed teachers/conditioning that encourage distractions or denial over the gritty work of transformation.  “Get over it and move on.”  “Let it go.”  “Offer it up.” “Just keep busy:” “Think positive thoughts.” “Just be grateful.”  “It could be worse.” are all platitudes driven into us by systems that have failed to do their own healing and who are then projecting their unhealed wounds onto their followers.  Anything or anyone that tells us to ignore/deny/suppress/avoid our pain is detrimental to our emotional, mental, psychological, and spiritual wellbeing; and is thwarting our path to true freedom.

While complete freedom can never be fully attained, our Soul compels us to continually seek it out.  Confronting and transforming our wounds, and the conditioning that created them in the first place, is the only sure path to that freedom.  Anything that tells us otherwise is a lie.

Moving Beyond Resistance

Ascension is not the goal, neither is it the purpose of the human journey. Instead, ascension is recognized as the midpoint of the human experience, and a danger for those who would seek to remain there. As was well-attested by the ancients, we are not meant to escape the human condition, but are meant to immerse ourselves fully within it. In this, we move beyond ascension (unity consciousness) and toward full Divine embodiment – the true purpose of the human experience. 

Live, Online, Course

Wednesdays, March 6, 13, 20, 2024

6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

Learn more and enroll here.