Personal Mastery

Moving Gently

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Often, when I reflect on what I want out of my life, the phrase moving gently surfaces. The idea of moving gently is so contrary to the way I have formerly moved and to the way in which we are often conditioned in this society that it has taken me time and much practice to realize this gentle movement in my life. Now, when I am able to sink into this gentle movement it feels natural, nourishing, and life-giving. In the times when life throws me back into situations where gentle is either not possible or difficult to attain, I feel violated and as if my life force is being sucked out of my being. This contrast encourages me to choose gentle movement wherever I am able and to free myself of those things that don’t allow for gentle.

Moving gently brings up images for me of the Bronte sisters and Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women – Victorian women (albeit privileged) who lived in a time when quiet reading, long walks in the moors, the needle arts, and writing were honored as time well-spent. Moving gently also brings up thoughts of medieval nuns like Hildegard of Bingen whose lives were defined by prayer, tending their gardens, providing counsel, caring for the sick, and completing the daily tasks of running a monastery.

These images provide but a glimpse of all the aforementioned lives required, but it is the energy-sense of these images, much more than the literal truth of them that provides food for thought and seeds for discernment.

Moving gently is about having a felt-sense of gentle and choosing this wherever possible in ones life. It is about measuring each experience and encounter and comparing it to what gentle feels like. Then it is about choosing what measures up and discarding the rest. As it turns out, choosing to move gently has application in all areas of my life. Here are some real-life examples:

Exercise: I used to be a gym rat, spending hours a week forcing my body into a size six form through vigorous exercise and weight lifting. Now, I relish in the gentle movements of yoga and Chi Qong. I’m no longer a size six (thank you menopause), but I feel good in my body.

The Drive to Succeed: I spent the vast majority of my life driving, striving, and forcing myself into the western world’s definition of success. I drove myself to be number one in my class. I sought positions that dangled the money carrot. I followed all the rules of SEO marketing and professional networking to try to be a success in my own business. Now, I do none of these. Instead, I listen deeply to my soul and when I feel called to work, I do.  When things come to me that feel life-giving, I receive them. I create what I want to create and leave the rest to God. Somehow it always works out – often by the skin of my teeth, but it works out.

Popularity and People-Pleasing: (puke emoji). I used to believe it was my job to make other people happy. Formerly, I worked hard at being friendly, outgoing, welcoming, and approachable. I wanted people to like me, and I would change and adapt in the hopes of getting other people’s approval. No more. Now, I am me. If people don’t like me, that’s more a reflection of them than it is of me. Instead of wanting to be popular, I now prefer to be unknown and unseen. In my mind, I like to think of my invisibility as the Diana Prince to the Wonder Woman hidden underneath. I no longer need to wave the banner of my magic to get people’s attention. If my gifts are meant for them, they will find me.

The Use of My Time: Formerly, my time was put toward efforts that I hoped would produce popularity, money, fame, even power. Now, my time is spent gently. If I have nothing “to do,” I spend my time in prayer and contemplation. I seek out opportunities for learning. I read and study. I read for enjoyment. I move my body gently. I feed my body simply. I enjoy quietude. I listen to music. I spend time with friends. I work with clients when the opportunities present themselves. I moderate student discussion in my online classes. I facilitate a weekly meditation circle. I tend to the responsibilities of my “chop wood and carry water” job. I pay my bills. I carry my love out into the world. I no longer engage in debate. I have freed myself from trying to convince anyone of anything. I have released resentment. I have let go of my need to fix, change, or save the world and the people within it.

I’m not saying it’s perfect. But identifying my soul’s need to move gently and going about the process of making this choice, I feel more peaceful and content than I have ever felt in my life. Oh yes, I sometimes stray from this and my battle armor is always close at hand, but at least I know what my soul prefers and that the freedom to choose gentle is almost always there.

No Longer Human Functioning

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I came to the full realization this weekend that I can no longer function as a human being. I’m not sure if this is a function of age and wisdom – coming to know myself more fully and wanting to honor what resonates with and reflects who I am, or if I am finally willing to accept the fact that I am not, in fact, human. Likely it’s a both/and.

With what I know about myself and what I see in the actions of most humans, I don’t know how I could possibly be one of them. Instead, I feel more like an alien species that was dropped on this planet and forced to live among strangers. Never, in my entire life have I wanted what human beings seem to want, and if I did, I wasn’t being honest with myself, or I didn’t know myself well enough to understand that what many humans want would kill me.

And yet, I have spent most of my “human” incarnation, agreeing to the rules human beings seem to have set out for themselves and instead of receiving what has been promised for living by these rules, I have only ever gotten sick – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Humanity’s rules, it seems, are toxic to me, and I’ve had several recent reminders of how sick I become when trying to live by what is expected of other human beings. So, instead of continuing to force myself to comply with humanity’s rules and standards, I’m accepting the fact that what would be called “normal human functioning” is no longer available to me – if it ever was.

For the sake of my own wellbeing, and in acknowledgement of my true alien nature, I no longer consent to the rules of humanity that are toxic to me and will only live my life in the way that feels natural to me.

What comes naturally to me is a quiet, gentle life where I am free to do what feels life-giving to me. What feels life giving to me is meditation and prayer, supporting others with my gifts in a way that empowers and for which my gifts are received and for which I am appropriately compensated, time for learning and study, peaceful enjoyment, one-on-one time with close friends, and rest. In other words – a simple life. If this desire for a simple life makes me an alien, then I guess that’s what I am.

The Burden of Other People’s Shame

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

We live in a world that is psychologically and emotionally underdeveloped. As a result, we are continually living under the burden of other people’s unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears, anxiety, or shame.

We are globally conditioned to accept the projections of other people’s wounds as our own, often resulting in feelings of guilt or shame for things that are not even ours to carry.

We are so conditioned by these patterns of projected blame that as I write these words, the majority of those reading might have no idea about what I’m speaking. Let me put it plainly:

When we suppress, repress, or ignore our own unacknowledged fears, anxiety, or shame, and when we deny our past wounds and trauma without doing the work of healing them, they are bound to come out sideways in actions and behaviors that are harmful to ourselves, and others, and sometimes both.

Let me provide an example of this pattern of projected blame of which I have been guilty in the past:

As a divorced mother of two, finances have often been tight. As a result, I have suffered anxiety around money. Afraid there wouldn’t be enough to pay our bills, and anxious about unexpected expenses or (not unreasonable) requests from my kids. In the early years after divorce, I often found myself snapping at my kids when they would ask for money for essential and non-essential needs, or complaining about back to school shopping and all the added expenses that came up that time of year. It wasn’t my kids’ fault that money was tight or that I was anxious about money, but I’m certain that it is possible that my reactions to expenses a) caused them to feel guilty b) may have instilled anxiety about money in them. ☹ Eventually, I caught my actions, but the damages had already been done. (Sorry M and W!) I continue to have anxiety around money and guilt when I spend money, but at least I can acknowledge it and no longer project blame over my own fear onto other innocent parties.

This is just one simple example of how we, as humans, project blame, guilt, shame, anxiety, on to other innocent parties, instead of taking the time to identify our own wounds, acknowledge them, cease from making them someone else’s fault, and do the deep inner work of healing them so that we are a) no longer doing harm to ourselves and b) no longer doing harm to others.

I’m convinced that these unacknowledged fears, shame, guilt, past traumas, etc. are the cause of every single conflict in our world, from the simplest misunderstanding between friends to the global catastrophes of war.

As it relates to war, here’s another easy example. The holocaust of World War II was wholly a result of Hitler’s Germany needing a scapegoat from the traumas of WWI. The easy scapegoat was a race of people that unwittingly became the projection of these unhealed wounds. 6 million people were violently imprisoned and killed because of these projected wounds. One race of people made to carry the blame for another group of people’s shame, grief, fear, etc. Fast forward to today, and the recipients of that projection (Benjamin Netanyahu and his followers) are now projecting their own unhealed wounds by enacting their own holocaust against the Palestinians.

Unhealed wounds of shame, guilt, anxiety, trauma, etc. projected outward simply create more of the same. Wound begets wound. Shame begets shame. Hatred fosters hatred. Unhealed trauma is likely to cause trauma to another.

Let me make this really personal by asking a few questions:

  • When have other people blamed you for their anger, impatience, frustration, etc., saying that it is somehow YOUR fault that they are feeling that way?
  • How often have you been blamed for other people’s failures?
  • When have you been made to feel ashamed for who you are and/or who you want to be?
  • When has another tried to make you the cause of their unhappiness, sense of lack, inability to be successful or to perform?
  • When did you then find yourself reacting by trying to make the other party happy, take over a task for them, rush over to ease their anger, etc.?

The truth is none of this was ever your fault. Instead, it was the other party’s inability to acknowledge and take responsibility for their own SHIT.

The conflicts between human beings will never be resolved until we begin to take responsibility for our own shame, unhealed wounds, etc. and stop making it everyone else’s problem. While we cannot control what other people (or nations) might do, we can begin this healing by taking responsibility for ourselves and we can start that work today.

We can also stop taking responsibility for other people’s blame.

Vetting the Magdalene

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

A week or so ago, I received what might be one of the greatest compliments I have ever received in my professional life. I was holding a one-on-one session with a recent enrollee of my Magdalene Training Program. This woman is an academic and an educator.  As I often do, I asked how she found me and the training program I offer.  Her response was something along the lines of: “I’ll be honest, I did a lot of research. I looked at your program along with several others and all I can say is, ‘you made the cut.’” She went on to explain her criteria which included:

  • Based in scholarship.
  • Rooted in scripture.
  • Practical and applicable to real life.
  • Anchored in contemplative practice.
  • Embracing of Eastern and Western practices.
  • Authentically transformational (in other words: it works!)

She also observed, “There is no ‘whoo’ in your program. To which I responded, “Hallelujah!”

You see, in the years that I have been studying the Magdalene and then creating and facilitating formation programs in her name, the Magdalene world has gone from purely academic, with very few of us speaking and teaching in her name, to almost wholly capitalistic – with literally thousands appropriating the Magdalene for their own convoluted purpose. Where once the Magdalene was solely an example of the fulfillment of Jesus’ teachings, the continuation of his ministry and living contemplative empowerment, she is now being used to sell everything from perfumes to tarot cards to so-called “sacred prostitution.” Further, all kinds of claims are now being made and marketed about the Magdalene – none of which can actually be proved.

In reality, we know very little about the Magdalene, except the few passages in scripture (many of which have been redacted), the mentions of her in non-canonical (often called gnostic) writings, and the legends that have been handed down throughout history by the people of Provence, France, the Sophian Gnostics, and the newly revealed Gospel of the Beloved Companion.  Among all these resources mentioned, none of them can be proven as absolutely true.

The fact is, we just don’t know. As is true of scripture in general, nothing stands up to academic rigor. The same is true of the Magdalene. We can only make guesses:

  • Is Magdalene a surname, place name, or title?
  • Was the woman referred to as Miriam of Magdala from the town of Magdala (archaeology suggests not).
  • What does it mean that this woman was “healed of seven demons?” (We can only guess)
  • Who really witnessed the resurrection?
  • What does resurrection even mean?
  • What happened to Mary after Jesus’ death? (we only have legend to go on here).
  • Did Mary travel to Britain? (maybe but doubtful).
  • What about the whole “heiros gamos” thing (depends on how you define that – but on the surface, not likely).
  • Was Mary an Essene (more than doubtful as the Essenes abhorred women).

These questions represent just the tip of the iceberg. There is absolutely nothing we can say about the Magdalene that is irrefutably true. The best we can do is gather the best research and develop guesses from there and when we stray from scholarship, being clear about the basis of what we are sharing.  

What we shouldn’t do, however, is make claims about the Magdalene that have absolutely no basis in scholarship and then sell them as fact. The sad reality however, is that thousands of people are out there doing exactly this while convincing others to pay for goods and services that are based in pure fantasy. On behalf of the Magdalene, I’m offended by this, but she doesn’t need my defending.

The true Magdalene stands on her own.

This has been born out in the women and men who have participated in and completed the Magdalene (inspired) Training Program I have developed, journeyed through myself, and now facilitate. My program differs from other programs being sold in her name by these criteria:

  • Based in scholarship.
  • Rooted in scripture.
  • Practical and applicable to real life.
  • Anchored in contemplative practice.
  • Embracing of Eastern and Western practices.
  • Authentically transformational (in other words: it works!)

No, this work isn’t for everyone. It requires discipline, dedication, persistence, personal accountability, and self-awareness.  In my own life and in the lives of those who have completed this program, the results speak for themselves. Participants come away knowing more about themselves, more about their own personal mission and calling, and have the tools to support themselves in moving past the obstacles to living a purposeful and meaningful life. No whoo here. No smoke blown up your ass. No false promises. No bullshit. Just resources and tools inspired by the Magdalene and the mission of Truth that she shared with her mentor, teacher, and friend, Jesus.

I Care Too Much

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 6 Comments

I have a confession to make.  I talk big about cultivating the fine art of detachment and learning not to care, but in reality, I care too much. It’s a problem:

  • I care about the state of our world.
  • I care about humanity’s wellbeing.
  • I care about the lack of peace and the pervasive nature of conflict.
  • I care that some humans are truly evil and intentionally cruel.
  • I care about the health of our environment and the safety of our water and food.
  • I care about injustice.
  • I care that people are starving, homeless, without adequate medical care, living in war-torn countries where their safety is continually threatened.
  • I care that people die in unnecessary wars.
  • I care that the best humanity can come up with for resolving conflict is war.
  • I care about ignorance and the bad decisions human beings make because of a lack of verifiable information.
  • I care that there are people in the world who thrive on manipulating and abusing others.
  • I care…I care…I care…

More than all of this, I care about the people I love. I want the best for them.  I want them to be happy, healthy, well cared for, and safe. I want them to succeed in whatever they set out to do. I want them to have peace, to know contentment and to experience joy. I want them to feel loved.

The problem with caring, is that I am not in control over any of the things I care about. That drives me insane. It is excruciating to observe humanity and to see all the unnecessary violence, conflict, and hatred. It is even more difficult to watch those you love make decisions that will cause themselves or someone else harm. It is especially challenging when you have some experience in a certain area and can predict the harm that will come when one takes a certain path. This is hundred-fold true when you have a tiny bit of pre-sentience and a thousand-fold true when you are an empath, or when someone you love asks for guidance, and you give it, and they choose the exact opposite.

It actually hurts me to see some choosing certain paths. And there’s not a damn thing I can do about any of it. So I writhe in agony. I become frustrated, angry, and impatient. I get balled up in self-righteousness. My anxiety escalates and my depression deepens. Sometimes it’s so bad my PTSD is triggered. It sucks.

Then I apply every single spiritual practice I know for detaching and letting go. Sometimes it helps. More often not. Or if it does, the effects are only temporary, and I find myself right back in the place of caring.

UGH!

There are days I want to shake my fist at God: “Why did you make me care???”  There are other days I try to bargain, “Can’t you make me NOT CARE like so many people seem to do?”  Then there are the days where I make myself not care – I have to get angry to not care, and then I feel guilty and like I’m being a complete asshole.

UGH!

Caring is a curse, but I’m not sure I would want to be any other way. Someone has to give a shit!  Right!?  If I don’t care, who will? If someone doesn’t care what will come of this world?

But then I look at what we call “God.”  Does “He” even care? I sometimes think not. Instead, it seems that God leaves us to our own devices and lets the chips fall where they may – consequences, natural law, karma, and all that jazz.

If God doesn’t care, then why do I?  It’s a serious question.

Some might call caring “codependency.” Yeah, I can own that. I do care – often too much. The too much is an ebb and a flow. Better on some days than others. When I’m feeling vulnerable, or anxious, or unwell, it might be worse. When my PTSD is triggered it’s definitely worse. Unraveling from being a first-born and certain cultural conditioning is hard. Healing from childhood wounds and forced extroverted niceness (brought about by multiple moves) takes time. People pleasing and over-responsibility have to be unlearned.

It’s a journey. But as hard as I am on others, I’m a million times harder on myself. I should have this thing down by now. Right!?

WRONG!  Not even close.  Turns out I’m human, fragile, vulnerable, and imperfect and broken just like everyone else. And more than anything else, I am not in control over the fact that I am excruciatingly human – and that just kills me.

Learning Not to Care

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

(aka Cultivating the Fine Art of Detachment)

Life is a funny thing. First, we are taught that it is our job to care about EVERYTHING. Caring about EVERYTHING implies that it is our job to do something about it. Heaped on top of this caring is the whispered weight of responsibility. Not only is it our job to do something, it is also likely that the things that appear wrong are also somehow our fault. Blame adds to the pressure to do something about the wrong.

At nearly sixty, however, I’ve learned something new. It is more than likely that NOTHING is our fault. Therefore, it’s not our job to fix it. Furthermore, it’s not even our responsibility to care.

Wait! What? It’s not our job to care?

Yes, we have a human responsibility to care about ourselves, our loved ones, humanity, and the world. If we have a loving heart, we want the best for everyone. We want people to be happy, healthy, fed, clothed, safely sheltered, educated, and their medical needs provided for. We want people to have liberty, dignity, respect, and peace.

The sad reality, however, is that more often than not, there is not a damn thing we can do to guarantee any of this for anyone. Neither can we necessarily fix the wrong that prevents people from having all that is stated above. This is especially true when the individual is capable but unwilling to care for themselves. Furthermore, 99% of what we care about is completely out of our sphere of influence, and even if it is, it still may be out of our control.

As a Type 1 (Perfectionist/Reformer) on the Enneagram, this has been a truth that has been very difficult for me to come to. Not only have I had conditioning working against me, but I have also had the gift/curse of my unique temperament which gave me the lens through which I am hard-wired to ask “How could this be better.” Indeed, this gift makes me a fantastic trouble-shooter, source of counsel and guidance. This lens also left me with a seething resentment over all the things in the world that I can’t fix and all those who could utilize my gifts, but have refused my counsel.

Compounding the frustrated fulfillment of my gift and its resulting resentment, is the reality of emotional addiction. As it turns out, we can become addicted to negative emotional states in the same way that we can be addicted to alcohol or drugs. Spending time in, or even cultivating these negative emotional states have a similar impact on our brain chemistry as other addictions. Resentment, frustration, impatience, even rage were negative states to which I had become addicted, and I would even seek out situations to get upset about so that I could experience the “power” of these emotions.

Feeling these emotions, however, never fixed the frustration. Getting twisted up about someone else’s behavior, an injustice in the world, or the ignorance of humanity never gave me peace – only more resentment. Eventually I had to make a choice – remain in the ever-twisted world of seething resentment or find some way to experience peace. I chose peace.

The first step in choosing peace was to acknowledge I had an addiction. The second step was to recognize what all those inner feelings were actually saying to me.  They weren’t saying, “Go fix this thing.  It’s your job to fix it.  You know better than anyone else.”  Instead, they were showing me one of two things: a) a need of my own that wasn’t being met that I then had the responsibility to get met (if it was within my realm of control). b) all the things in the world over which I have ZERO control. Admittedly, a) was easier to accept than b).

When we feel powerless over something we cannot control, we will find anyway to find that power, until we can accept that it is really not within our control. One of the tactics I have found helpful (or mantras I’ve embraced) is to force myself NOT TO CARE.

I know this sounds harsh, but I am naturally a loving and caring person – especially as it relates to those I love and have care for. I want the best for them. I want them to be safe, cared for, healthy, happy, etc. But the reality is that no matter my efforts to share my gifts in a way that might be supportive, some/many are unable to receive these gifts. I can beg and plead all I want but until an individual (or a group, or a Church, or a political party, or a nation) wants to make a change, my words are dust in the wind.

To survive the frustration and angst over a) my gifts not being received and b) my complete lack of control over a situation, I have had to learn not to care. In the recovery world, this is called detachment. Detachment allows me to be an objective witness of what is unfolding around me without the compulsion to step in and offer my wisdom, expertise, advice, suggestions, etc. Detachment allows me to move beyond the frustration, irritation, or anger I might feel in the face of what I perceive as wrong and accept things the way they are. And OH MY GOD, my inner perfectionist/reformer HATES THIS!  But, it’s the only way I can experience peace. At this point in my life, I’m far more concerned about peace than thinking I have any influence over the state of our world, and I’ve discovered that this peace is a choice.

I can continue to allow myself to care so much about the world that I suffer the consequences of ongoing seething resentment and frustration, or I can learn not to care (cultivate the fine art of detachment) and live my life in peace. I choose peace.

Unraveling the Wound of ME

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but this past week has been quite a doozy!  I wouldn’t even bother to write about it except that nearly everyone I know has shared the common experience of a “what the heck was that?” kind of week.

Some of the things I’ve heard, witnessed, and been a party to:

  • DEEP Depression the likes of which we haven’t seen in months/years.
  • Strangely triggering experiences with disproportionate reactions.
  • Not just rugs, entire carpets being pulled out from beneath us.
  • A feeling (literal and figurative) of losing the ground beneath our feet.
  • Old, ancient wounds – ones we thought we were done with – paying us a visit.
  • Sudden losses including the ending of relationships.
  • Final straws on camel’s backs calling for immediate response.
  • Complete immobility, lack of motivation and/or interest…in anything.
  • Unexplained sorrow and intermittent tears.

I can’t even begin to offer an explanation of why any of this is happening, or the causes behind it.  I just know it is and has been. For me it’s been a week of writhing and groaning with a whole lot of nothing.  Nothing to do.  Nothing to be. Just nothing. And the realization that there are just not enough shows on Netflix to soothe a week such as the one we just had.

Yes, the world itself is insane. But, for me anyway, the past week felt much more personal – but even that said, I can’t put a finger on what the personal is. My normal inquiry, “What is the wound that is asking to be healed?” just isn’t working here. Either I’m fresh out of wounds, or I, myself, am the wound.

Now there’s a thought!  What if the wound is ME?

I don’t mean this in any sense of self-loathing or self-rejection (or do I?). But…. accompanying the writhing this past week was a whole lot of life-reviews. Visions and memories of really old stuff – experiences that caused me shame or regret, decisions I made that went wrongly, past relationships, old jobs that didn’t fit, every single experience/relationship that felt abusive in some way.

I’m not one to spend time entertaining regret. Shame, however, is another story. Shame, that in hindsight, I had no reason to feel. You see, it wasn’t my shame. It was someone else’s rejection, critique, or condemnation of me for any number of reasons. I wasn’t thin enough. I ate too much. I was too smart. I saw through their lies and bullshit. I couldn’t perform a certain task (through no fault of my own). My lifestyle choices and desire for ease didn’t fit theirs. I exercised the wrong way. I could see the truth they didn’t want me to see. My goals, desires, wants, weren’t the same as theirs. I didn’t obey the rules they wanted to impose upon me. I questioned authority. I challenged hypocrisy.   

There was no reason for me to feel shame for any of this – but, as it turns out, I did/do. Why? Because the rejection, condemnation, etc. was PERSONAL. It wasn’t the actions or behaviors they were rejecting.  It was ME they were rejecting. It was ME because the things these individuals and institutions chose to reject were all based on WHO I TRULY AM. All those years in the past I spent trying to just be myself and being told WHO I AM is not ok.

  • My body is what it is and can’t be forced into a certain shape or size (no matter how hard I tried).
  • My metabolism is what it is and before menopause I had to eat large portions just to survive.
  • I’m smart. I can’t help it. I just am.  I know things. I remember things. I like to learn.
  • I prefer ease to chaos, gentle to harsh, peace to conflict.
  • I’m an introvert. I like people, but I thrive in solitude.
  • I’m outgoing but shy.
  • I don’t like to toot my own horn, or wave a banner to my success.
  • I’m humble.
  • I can read people and I know immediately when someone is lying, a liar, or taking advantage of my generosity and I have a visceral response to these awarenesses. I can’t help it.  I just know and the knowing is somatic.
  • I live by my own truth barometer and profess no outside perceived authority except MYSELF.

All of these things are true about me and part of who I am. I can’t help it. It’s just ME.

All this to come to the realization that indeed, the wound that is asking to be healed in me and which arose through all the weirdness this past week (for me anyway) is the wound of ME. Every single thing, experience, interaction, etc. that causes me to feel as if there is something wrong with ME. That something about ME is wrong. That I have to apologize for who I am or beg for what I need to be ME.

The wound that is asking to be healed is ME.

 Image credit: Facebook AI portrait generator. Turns out this one actually looks like me!  😊

Calling All Warriors

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

As the RNC pulls out of Milwaukee, and the DNC moves toward penetrating Chicago, (puns intended), we find ourselves at a dangerous crossroads – all roads leading toward disaster.  At this crossroads we have an opportunity to make a deal with the devil, or find ourselves another way through this mess.

Indeed, we are staring the death of the republic in the face. Horrible to look at and yet we cannot look away!  This is an ending we have sadly brought upon ourselves.

As with the fall of Rome, we are facing an inevitable death – and die it will.  But unlike the Romans, we are being given a choice in the empire’s end.  We can allow ourselves to be destroyed by it – or rise above (or as I prefer – to burrow beneath).

Whether you are a “rise above” or a “burrow beneath” person, the formula is the same:

Be witness.

Hold center.

Be a tower/beacon of light (or darkness whatever the case may be).

Anchor love.

As a shadow worker, my job is to go to ground – to enter fully into the darkness that it may be transformed – darkness made of humanity’s fears and unhealed wounds.  Like a cicada, I dive deep into the detritus of humanity’s pain, wriggling and writhing until the pain has been released.  This I do safely in the shelter of my sanctuary that I call home.

Equally called to be a light bringer, I go about my day to day endeavors simply being me.  I have experienced that in my presence, either shadows are revealed, or others become more aware of their light.  Whatever the effects – the recoiling rejection brought forth by shadow’s emergence, or the welcome of light’s/love’s reflection – I’ve learned to hold it all.

Nothing is personal.

If any of this rambling speaks to you – you are one of the warriors to whom I’ve addressed this message. We’ve been given a difficult call – to witness to the end of the world (as we’ve known it), BUT we’ve also been given the wisdom, knowledge, and tools to endure.  Our task is this:

Endure and Survive.

Love-speed sisters and brothers, we are in this together.  Even if solitary – we are never alone!

Be witness.

Hold center.

Be a tower/beacon of light.

Anchor love.

It is all we came here to do.

With deep gratitude and love,

Lauri

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Enough

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I’ve given enough to this life

with its contests and challenges.

In these almost sixty years

I’ve given it all for humanity’s sake.

Now I want to give to myself.

Giving to myself all that life took from me.

First, I give myself peace –

the peace I never knew living in the midst of

other people’s wars.

Second, I give myself solitude –

free from the grasping and clawing grip

of other people’s need.

Third, I give myself ease –

Victorian parlor woman ease

where life never asks more of me

than to read and write and dream.

Fourth, I give myself love –

the kind of love that says,

“To simply be is enough.”

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Impeccability

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

In a world filled with false prophets, impostors, self-appointed gurus, charlatans, snake-oil salespeople, and millionaire pastors, it is imperative that we become ever-more vigilant with our own impeccability. Millions of people are starving for guidance and direction, answers to life’s unanswerable questions, and comfort from the terrors of this world. There are equally many who are happy to provide people with what they want. Many of these are of integrity, educated and trained in what they provide, responsible and careful in that provision, and accountable to the established ethics of their field. Some are not.

Impeccability is about more than just our word. It is about what we say, how we say it, what we mean by it, the authority behind it, our education and training, to whom we are accountable, and on what we base our word. Let me provide an example from the world of the Magdalene.

Since the early 90’s, literally hundreds of so-called authorities on The Magdalene have made themselves known. Some are academic scholars providing the findings of research that has been examined under the rigors of peer-review. Some are historians who have embarked on a treasure hunt seeking out clues to the Magdalene legends as they were handed down through folklore, art, cultural traditions, and monuments created in her name. Some are the holders of oral traditions that have been handed down for thousands of years. Some receive their knowledge through dreams, visions, intuitive guidance, and their creative imaginations. Others are just making shit up.

The Magdalene field has become as vast as it is deep. There is something in this field for everyone. Something for those simply seeking entertainment. Something for the scholars and academics. Something for the new age community. Something for the witches and goddess worshippers. Something for those looking for an outside perceived authority to tell them what is true and what to believe. Something for those who simply want someone to blow smoke up their ass, telling them what they want to hear. There is now a Magdalene for everyone. This does NOT mean that every Magdalene is authentic or true. As I posted on Facebook the other day:

Someone, apparently didn’t like what I posted, thinking I was throwing shade. Well….maybe I was throwing a little shade….but here’s my come-from as it relates to the Magdalene and by association, impeccability:

You do you – but be clear about your come from.

In my Magdalene work, for example, I do my best to be clear. “This is based on scholarship….this is a work of fiction…this came through my intuition/creative imagination…I completely made this up but I would love for it to be true.” I’m also careful to identify my resources, remaining as close to authentic scholarship where possible and explaining where these resources reside in the spectrum of verifiable fact, theory, or simply oral tradition or legend. I’m admittedly a stickler for scholarship that is soundly rooted in the scientific method.

When we are clear about our come-from, then people know how to take the resources, guidance, and support we provide for them and apply them (or not) in their lives. This is true whether it be about the Magdalene, spiritual direction, counseling, healing, or just giving advice as it relates to our mutual fields of expertise. I believe this is especially important, critical even, when we present ourselves as teachers, guides, or healers for others.

We must be impeccable about what we are offering and how it is to be used and received. If we aren’t doing this, people could actually be harmed. As I said before, there are millions of vulnerable people looking for comfort and guidance and our job is not to enable them or take advantage of their vulnerability.  Our job is to empower them.  We can’t do this if we aren’t impeccable with our words, our motivations, our source of knowledge, and our actions.

In other words: Be honest. Be clear. And Check Yourself!