Personal Mastery

Being Love in a Divided World

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

We live in a divided world. Divided by gender, sexual orientation, race, nationality, religion, and politics – to name a few. When viewed as sacred differences that make each of us uniquely special, these differences serve us. When treated as something to be judged or feared, these divisions cause us harm, leading to prejudice, hatred, violence, and war.

Our differences are meant to be our gifts, instead humanity has turned them into the cause of hate. Hatred, however, is a choice. We can continue to choose hate, which leads to the devolution of humanity, and our eventual extinction; or we can choose Love and be witness to and participants in the grand evolution of human consciousness which would lead to all kinds of miracles – the likes of which we can hardly begin to imagine.

I choose Love.

Choosing Love, however, is no simple task. In fact, it has taken me a lifetime to even come close to being the Love that I truly want to be in the world. My version of Being Love is by no means perfect. There are people I continue to despise. There are experiences and situations that hurl me into a rage. There are times I want to say or do the unkind thing. I’m still human after all.  I don’t, however, act on the surface feelings of my unhealed wounds, neither do I purposefully cause harm. Choosing Love is a moment by moment task.

Choosing Love is also a lifetime process. This process begins by learning to identify every obstacle in front of, and within us, to love. Then we are invited to enter into the arduous task of clearing those obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles are the result of human conditioning – the ways in which we were taught to be and act in our family systems, our communities, our culture, our society, our world. Sometimes identifying our conditioning is simple and the choice to move past that conditioning is easy. Other times, it can be quite complicated as our conditioning is often subtle, even unconscious.

Beyond conditioning, the obstacles to love are all the places within us where we have been wounded. These wounds include times were felt betrayed, where our needs were ignored or denied, where we were criticized or condemned for who we are, where we felt unloved or were treated in non-loving ways. These wounds include past abuse, rejection, and times our love was met with hate. These unhealed wounds are, in turn, the cause of our own non-loving behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs.

Division is a choice.  So too is Love. Choosing Love begins by choosing Love for ourselves, and doing to the deep and challenging work of healing the inner obstacles to knowing and being that Love. As we transform ourselves, we are more free to be Love and being that Love plants the seeds of inspiration for others to do the same. When we are faced with Division, Choose Love. When challenged by hate, choose Love. When our unhealed wounds are triggered by the unhealed wounds of another, choose the loving thing and heal our wounds.

As our world appears to be increasingly divided, we can choose to participate in that division, or we can choose to Be Love.

I choose Love.

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Reaching Across the Divide

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

This morning, I can finally breathe after an intense week of US presidential elections, learning the results and processing those results. For some it has been a week of victory, for others shock, trauma, and grief. For all of us, we are now faced with a decision about how to move forward. Do we move forward divided, or do we move forward with love?

I choose love.

That is not to say that I am not concerned. I am concerned – especially for the safety of the vulnerable among us, perhaps even for our own safety. I also have worries about services upon which I depend being taken away. I worry about the safety of women, especially as it relates to reproductive care. I worry about my gay and trans friends. For the latter worries especially, I say, I am an ally, an advocate, and a safe place.

As those whose candidate lost processed their grief, I too have been grieving. I’ve experienced all faces of that grief – shock, denial, bargaining, anger, depression and sorrow. Thursday I couldn’t stop crying. I allowed myself space to grieve while knowing that I would survive this too.

I’ve survived a lot and always at my darkest hour, something has stepped in that gives me hope and a reason to move on.

Yesterday, that “something” came in the form of an honest and intimate discussion with a dear friend who (as it turns out) voted differently than I. We had an open and non-judgmental question and answer conversation where we each shared why we chose the way we did. I learned a lot.  I believe they did too. Through this conversation, I was able to see where “my” party failed and where “their” candidate succeeded. I could see why “my” candidate wasn’t everyone’s choice. I was also reminded of the fact that political campaigns have very little, if anything, to do with policy. “My” candidate has a very different background from “their” candidate – who is a born salesman. Salespeople purposefully speak to the perceived needs and wants of those they want to win over. They don’t always mean what they say. In the end it’s a “I guess we’ll have to wait and see,” what is actually done – if anything.

Some may accuse me of being naïve. Perhaps I am. But more than anything, I refuse to participate in the ongoing force of division. I will not, as some Facebook posts have suggested, block friends or family who voted differently than I, simply because of their vote. I know many whose values are best reflected in traditional conservative politics. They cast their vote based on what is important to them. Many have only one or two policy points that secured their vote. Upon speaking with my friend, I shared their values on those points, and they shared with me the values that secured my vote. The people I love who voted for “the other” candidate are good people who are loving, kind, and generous. Why would I block them simply because they voted differently than I?

Division is the work of the enemy. Division is how we are conquered. Division causes us to believe each other is the enemy, instead of that which is seeking to conquer us.

Throughout this presidential campaign, division has been used as a weapon to distract us from the true enemy. The enemy is not my friends and loved ones who chose a different candidate. The enemy is that which causes us to turn our backs on our fellow human beings. The enemy is that which closes our ears to another’s needs. The enemy is that which insists we are right and “they” are wrong. The enemy is that which prevents us seeing the struggle of others and how that struggle might influence their political decisions. The enemy is a system that pits one side against the other and which seeks to control us through intimidation and fear. The enemy is a system that creates “haves” and “have nots.”

The enemy is the system. And the reality is that both parties are part of that system. Neither, in the end, will accomplish the work we all truly desire – which is a dismantling of the system – because they all depend upon it and thrive within it.

The system will prevail as long as we, the American people, are divided. If we truly want change in our world, we have to defy the system and its weapon of division. We need to reach across the chasm of the perceived divide and welcome each other to the table. We need to listen – deeply – to each other’s pain. We need to ask the difficult questions and listen to understand. We need to be the love for each other that we all so desperately need.

Instead of hate, we need to BE LOVE. Instead of cultivating division, we need to seek unity.

Instead of blocking or unfriending those who voted differently, we would benefit from asking why. We might find that we have much more in common than the differences we perceive.

At the end of the day, I believe we all (most of us anyway) want the same things – food on our table, a roof over our heads, clothing on our backs, meaningful work, to feel healthy and safe, and to know that we are loved. If I can do nothing else, at least I can be love, knowing that that alone can change another person’s life – maybe even my own.

Seeking Safety in a World Gone Mad

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

A couple side notes before I begin: 1) I realize my sense of feeling unsafe is NOTHING compared to those struggling to live in war zones or areas plagued by famine. 2) As a white, (somewhat) middle class American, by objective standards I’m safer than 90% of the people on the planet. 3) I have what I need to survive and for this I’m grateful. 4) This is for the empaths, who like me, get inexplicably panicky for no apparent reason except the state of our world. Now….I will proceed.

There’s a reason I don’t leave my home unless I absolutely have to. Yesterday I was reminded of this fact.

I was enjoying a cup of coffee at one of my normally safe places with dear friends. We were having a beautiful conversation when I noticed a white, older man, sitting alone at a table. He was wearing a MAGA hat (I have no problem with conservative values and “the party of Lincoln” Republicans…but this was something different). The hat, I could normally ignore. It was his t-shirt that I found disturbing. Across the front of his shirt was a message that said, “Traitors should be executed.” Below the message were portraits of President Biden, Vice President Harris, and Senator Ocasio-Cortez.  His shirt literally advocated for vigilante violence against these specific individuals!

Now here’s the deal – I saw him. I made note of his shirt. I could tell he was making other people nervous. I’m not sure if he was hoping to be confronted (in an obviously progressive setting) or just wanted to make a statement. He wasn’t there to do business as he was drinking from a single-serving bottle of wine he had stashed in his backpack. I didn’t have any specific feelings of fear, or even judgment of him. Instead, I felt sad.  I wondered what had happened to him in his life to cloak himself in such hate. Again, I didn’t really feel afraid, just sad.

That all changed as I left, however. As I walked out the door and to my car, I was suddenly overcome with panic. My heart started pounding, I felt dizzy and light headed. I could feel the edge of a panic attack. I got myself home, did some deep breathing, and eventually gave in and took a small dose of Lorazepam for anxiety.

Welcome to the life of an empath. Here I am, minding my own business, enjoying time with friends at my favorite place, not feeling a stitch of panic or anxiety of my own. But suddenly WHAM, I get blasted with what might have been my own delayed anxiety, but was definitely the anxiety of others, including that man. I was especially concerned for the employees of said-establishment who I could tell were nervous, and who could have potentially been targets for a certain kind of prejudice.

If you are an empath, you are familiar with these kinds of experiences. (I actually think all human beings are empathic – it’s just some who are acutely aware). Based on the SOS texts I’ve been getting and my own personal experiences, these empathic experiences are increasing in frequency, duration, and strength as we approach the US presidential election – and they’re only going to get worse.

I don’t like to entertain fear or wish to stir panic, but I suspect that there will be violence related to the election – no matter who wins. It may be sometime before a winner is declared. If it goes a certain way, the transfer of power is not likely to be peaceful.

In other words, we can expect a whole lot more anxiety before this is all over – our own, and that of anyone else who is paying attention. We are at a crossroads for our nation and crossroads are dangerous places where deals with the devil are made. Crossroads often inspire violence. Crossroads can be terrifying times.

It is for this reason, that for healers, light and shadow workers, starseeds, empaths, and anyone else who is here to be love in the world – our number one concern at this time is our own safety and the safety of those we care for the most. We each have our own tools – USE THEM.

  • Create a safe place for yourself.
  • Meditate and Pray.
  • Wrap yourself in protective prayers, amulets, oils, flower essences, colors, etc.
  • Invoke the archangels, your ancestors, your favorite deities.
  • Light candles.
  • Cleanse and smudge yourself and your space regularly.

And most of all – DO NOT engage. Don’t engage with hate. There is nothing we can do to convince another of anything they don’t want to believe. No amount of facts or data will change the mind of one constricted by racism, sexism, etc. Hate will continue to hate. Our task is instead, to be LOVE.

The truth is that in this election, things may not go the way we want. That bridge we’ll cross when we get there.  In the meantime, keep yourself safe.  Gather your loved ones close. Know who you can turn to if you find yourself overwhelmed by the fear and REACH OUT. If faced with hate, be and respond with love.

Embracing Fallow Times

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

In the natural world, there are cycles to all living things. A seed finds its way to the soil. The nutrients of the soil combined with the sun and rain support germination and growth. The plant flowers and eventually bears fruit. Then the plant either enters a state of dormancy, or the plant dies. Some plants are made to live only one growing season. Others return each year to bear flower and fruit. Some return every other year. And a rare few enter a dormant period for many years, while some require drastic states of nature for germination and growth. The seeds of the Giant Sequoia, for example, only germinate after they have been subjected to fire, and many desert plants sequester underground, often for many years, until the rain comes.

Written in the DNA of every living thing is the cycle of its natural life – a time to live and a time to die, a time to work and a time to rest. The same is true of human beings, especially as it relates to the gifts (fruits) we bring to our lived experience. In the same way that our life has a beginning and an end, so too do our cycles of productivity and creativity.

In a world in which we are conditioned to believe that our value is dependent upon our productivity, when we find ourselves in fallow times, we are prone to judging ourselves and forcing ourselves to produce and create. The harder we work to produce, the more frustrated we become and the more our creativity suffers. Like the fruit of a plant, our creative contributions to the human experience cannot be forced. Whether our creative contribution is parenthood, painting, teaching, counseling, writing, singing, speaking, managing, organizing, healing, providing service, administrating, craftsmanship, or any other outward form of producing, it cannot be forced. This is especially true in the times we are meant to lie dormant.

Dormancy most often comes after times of intensive output – times in which we have been actively producing. As is true of nature, dormancy can also follow times of enormous stress or after we’ve suffered trauma. Like a plant that has finished its growing season, or that has been traumatized by the violence of nature (flood, drought, etc.), we need time to rest and recover before we are able to produce again.

Contrary to our capitalistic conditioning, fallow times are not bad. Instead, they are deeply necessary for our own health and for the good of humanity and the planet. When fallow times present themselves, we do ourselves good by surrendering to them – which I know is quite difficult.

To embrace and receive the fruits of our own periods of dormancy, we need to undo all the conditioning that has told us our value is based on our productivity. We have to exorcise ourselves of the messages that suggest that in surrendering to dormancy, we are being lazy, that we might be depressed, or that there is something wrong with us and with our inaction. We have to silence the voices both outside of us and in our own heads that insist that doing nothing is wrong.

During times of dormancy, the only task required of us is to simply be. To be with the inaction. To endure the naysaying. To dive into our discomfort. To resist the pressure to do and allow our souls the precious time they need to rest and restore. Only in surrendering to the fallow time do the seeds of new life that are waiting within us receive the nourishment and energy they need to come forth in their own divinely-ordained time – and not a second before. In embracing our fallow times, we are providing the foundation upon which our next cycle of life will bloom vibrantly and abundantly – if only we have the patience and trust to wait.

Moving Gently

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Often, when I reflect on what I want out of my life, the phrase moving gently surfaces. The idea of moving gently is so contrary to the way I have formerly moved and to the way in which we are often conditioned in this society that it has taken me time and much practice to realize this gentle movement in my life. Now, when I am able to sink into this gentle movement it feels natural, nourishing, and life-giving. In the times when life throws me back into situations where gentle is either not possible or difficult to attain, I feel violated and as if my life force is being sucked out of my being. This contrast encourages me to choose gentle movement wherever I am able and to free myself of those things that don’t allow for gentle.

Moving gently brings up images for me of the Bronte sisters and Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women – Victorian women (albeit privileged) who lived in a time when quiet reading, long walks in the moors, the needle arts, and writing were honored as time well-spent. Moving gently also brings up thoughts of medieval nuns like Hildegard of Bingen whose lives were defined by prayer, tending their gardens, providing counsel, caring for the sick, and completing the daily tasks of running a monastery.

These images provide but a glimpse of all the aforementioned lives required, but it is the energy-sense of these images, much more than the literal truth of them that provides food for thought and seeds for discernment.

Moving gently is about having a felt-sense of gentle and choosing this wherever possible in ones life. It is about measuring each experience and encounter and comparing it to what gentle feels like. Then it is about choosing what measures up and discarding the rest. As it turns out, choosing to move gently has application in all areas of my life. Here are some real-life examples:

Exercise: I used to be a gym rat, spending hours a week forcing my body into a size six form through vigorous exercise and weight lifting. Now, I relish in the gentle movements of yoga and Chi Qong. I’m no longer a size six (thank you menopause), but I feel good in my body.

The Drive to Succeed: I spent the vast majority of my life driving, striving, and forcing myself into the western world’s definition of success. I drove myself to be number one in my class. I sought positions that dangled the money carrot. I followed all the rules of SEO marketing and professional networking to try to be a success in my own business. Now, I do none of these. Instead, I listen deeply to my soul and when I feel called to work, I do.  When things come to me that feel life-giving, I receive them. I create what I want to create and leave the rest to God. Somehow it always works out – often by the skin of my teeth, but it works out.

Popularity and People-Pleasing: (puke emoji). I used to believe it was my job to make other people happy. Formerly, I worked hard at being friendly, outgoing, welcoming, and approachable. I wanted people to like me, and I would change and adapt in the hopes of getting other people’s approval. No more. Now, I am me. If people don’t like me, that’s more a reflection of them than it is of me. Instead of wanting to be popular, I now prefer to be unknown and unseen. In my mind, I like to think of my invisibility as the Diana Prince to the Wonder Woman hidden underneath. I no longer need to wave the banner of my magic to get people’s attention. If my gifts are meant for them, they will find me.

The Use of My Time: Formerly, my time was put toward efforts that I hoped would produce popularity, money, fame, even power. Now, my time is spent gently. If I have nothing “to do,” I spend my time in prayer and contemplation. I seek out opportunities for learning. I read and study. I read for enjoyment. I move my body gently. I feed my body simply. I enjoy quietude. I listen to music. I spend time with friends. I work with clients when the opportunities present themselves. I moderate student discussion in my online classes. I facilitate a weekly meditation circle. I tend to the responsibilities of my “chop wood and carry water” job. I pay my bills. I carry my love out into the world. I no longer engage in debate. I have freed myself from trying to convince anyone of anything. I have released resentment. I have let go of my need to fix, change, or save the world and the people within it.

I’m not saying it’s perfect. But identifying my soul’s need to move gently and going about the process of making this choice, I feel more peaceful and content than I have ever felt in my life. Oh yes, I sometimes stray from this and my battle armor is always close at hand, but at least I know what my soul prefers and that the freedom to choose gentle is almost always there.

No Longer Human Functioning

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I came to the full realization this weekend that I can no longer function as a human being. I’m not sure if this is a function of age and wisdom – coming to know myself more fully and wanting to honor what resonates with and reflects who I am, or if I am finally willing to accept the fact that I am not, in fact, human. Likely it’s a both/and.

With what I know about myself and what I see in the actions of most humans, I don’t know how I could possibly be one of them. Instead, I feel more like an alien species that was dropped on this planet and forced to live among strangers. Never, in my entire life have I wanted what human beings seem to want, and if I did, I wasn’t being honest with myself, or I didn’t know myself well enough to understand that what many humans want would kill me.

And yet, I have spent most of my “human” incarnation, agreeing to the rules human beings seem to have set out for themselves and instead of receiving what has been promised for living by these rules, I have only ever gotten sick – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Humanity’s rules, it seems, are toxic to me, and I’ve had several recent reminders of how sick I become when trying to live by what is expected of other human beings. So, instead of continuing to force myself to comply with humanity’s rules and standards, I’m accepting the fact that what would be called “normal human functioning” is no longer available to me – if it ever was.

For the sake of my own wellbeing, and in acknowledgement of my true alien nature, I no longer consent to the rules of humanity that are toxic to me and will only live my life in the way that feels natural to me.

What comes naturally to me is a quiet, gentle life where I am free to do what feels life-giving to me. What feels life giving to me is meditation and prayer, supporting others with my gifts in a way that empowers and for which my gifts are received and for which I am appropriately compensated, time for learning and study, peaceful enjoyment, one-on-one time with close friends, and rest. In other words – a simple life. If this desire for a simple life makes me an alien, then I guess that’s what I am.

The Burden of Other People’s Shame

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

We live in a world that is psychologically and emotionally underdeveloped. As a result, we are continually living under the burden of other people’s unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears, anxiety, or shame.

We are globally conditioned to accept the projections of other people’s wounds as our own, often resulting in feelings of guilt or shame for things that are not even ours to carry.

We are so conditioned by these patterns of projected blame that as I write these words, the majority of those reading might have no idea about what I’m speaking. Let me put it plainly:

When we suppress, repress, or ignore our own unacknowledged fears, anxiety, or shame, and when we deny our past wounds and trauma without doing the work of healing them, they are bound to come out sideways in actions and behaviors that are harmful to ourselves, and others, and sometimes both.

Let me provide an example of this pattern of projected blame of which I have been guilty in the past:

As a divorced mother of two, finances have often been tight. As a result, I have suffered anxiety around money. Afraid there wouldn’t be enough to pay our bills, and anxious about unexpected expenses or (not unreasonable) requests from my kids. In the early years after divorce, I often found myself snapping at my kids when they would ask for money for essential and non-essential needs, or complaining about back to school shopping and all the added expenses that came up that time of year. It wasn’t my kids’ fault that money was tight or that I was anxious about money, but I’m certain that it is possible that my reactions to expenses a) caused them to feel guilty b) may have instilled anxiety about money in them. ☹ Eventually, I caught my actions, but the damages had already been done. (Sorry M and W!) I continue to have anxiety around money and guilt when I spend money, but at least I can acknowledge it and no longer project blame over my own fear onto other innocent parties.

This is just one simple example of how we, as humans, project blame, guilt, shame, anxiety, on to other innocent parties, instead of taking the time to identify our own wounds, acknowledge them, cease from making them someone else’s fault, and do the deep inner work of healing them so that we are a) no longer doing harm to ourselves and b) no longer doing harm to others.

I’m convinced that these unacknowledged fears, shame, guilt, past traumas, etc. are the cause of every single conflict in our world, from the simplest misunderstanding between friends to the global catastrophes of war.

As it relates to war, here’s another easy example. The holocaust of World War II was wholly a result of Hitler’s Germany needing a scapegoat from the traumas of WWI. The easy scapegoat was a race of people that unwittingly became the projection of these unhealed wounds. 6 million people were violently imprisoned and killed because of these projected wounds. One race of people made to carry the blame for another group of people’s shame, grief, fear, etc. Fast forward to today, and the recipients of that projection (Benjamin Netanyahu and his followers) are now projecting their own unhealed wounds by enacting their own holocaust against the Palestinians.

Unhealed wounds of shame, guilt, anxiety, trauma, etc. projected outward simply create more of the same. Wound begets wound. Shame begets shame. Hatred fosters hatred. Unhealed trauma is likely to cause trauma to another.

Let me make this really personal by asking a few questions:

  • When have other people blamed you for their anger, impatience, frustration, etc., saying that it is somehow YOUR fault that they are feeling that way?
  • How often have you been blamed for other people’s failures?
  • When have you been made to feel ashamed for who you are and/or who you want to be?
  • When has another tried to make you the cause of their unhappiness, sense of lack, inability to be successful or to perform?
  • When did you then find yourself reacting by trying to make the other party happy, take over a task for them, rush over to ease their anger, etc.?

The truth is none of this was ever your fault. Instead, it was the other party’s inability to acknowledge and take responsibility for their own SHIT.

The conflicts between human beings will never be resolved until we begin to take responsibility for our own shame, unhealed wounds, etc. and stop making it everyone else’s problem. While we cannot control what other people (or nations) might do, we can begin this healing by taking responsibility for ourselves and we can start that work today.

We can also stop taking responsibility for other people’s blame.

Vetting the Magdalene

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

A week or so ago, I received what might be one of the greatest compliments I have ever received in my professional life. I was holding a one-on-one session with a recent enrollee of my Magdalene Training Program. This woman is an academic and an educator.  As I often do, I asked how she found me and the training program I offer.  Her response was something along the lines of: “I’ll be honest, I did a lot of research. I looked at your program along with several others and all I can say is, ‘you made the cut.’” She went on to explain her criteria which included:

  • Based in scholarship.
  • Rooted in scripture.
  • Practical and applicable to real life.
  • Anchored in contemplative practice.
  • Embracing of Eastern and Western practices.
  • Authentically transformational (in other words: it works!)

She also observed, “There is no ‘whoo’ in your program. To which I responded, “Hallelujah!”

You see, in the years that I have been studying the Magdalene and then creating and facilitating formation programs in her name, the Magdalene world has gone from purely academic, with very few of us speaking and teaching in her name, to almost wholly capitalistic – with literally thousands appropriating the Magdalene for their own convoluted purpose. Where once the Magdalene was solely an example of the fulfillment of Jesus’ teachings, the continuation of his ministry and living contemplative empowerment, she is now being used to sell everything from perfumes to tarot cards to so-called “sacred prostitution.” Further, all kinds of claims are now being made and marketed about the Magdalene – none of which can actually be proved.

In reality, we know very little about the Magdalene, except the few passages in scripture (many of which have been redacted), the mentions of her in non-canonical (often called gnostic) writings, and the legends that have been handed down throughout history by the people of Provence, France, the Sophian Gnostics, and the newly revealed Gospel of the Beloved Companion.  Among all these resources mentioned, none of them can be proven as absolutely true.

The fact is, we just don’t know. As is true of scripture in general, nothing stands up to academic rigor. The same is true of the Magdalene. We can only make guesses:

  • Is Magdalene a surname, place name, or title?
  • Was the woman referred to as Miriam of Magdala from the town of Magdala (archaeology suggests not).
  • What does it mean that this woman was “healed of seven demons?” (We can only guess)
  • Who really witnessed the resurrection?
  • What does resurrection even mean?
  • What happened to Mary after Jesus’ death? (we only have legend to go on here).
  • Did Mary travel to Britain? (maybe but doubtful).
  • What about the whole “heiros gamos” thing (depends on how you define that – but on the surface, not likely).
  • Was Mary an Essene (more than doubtful as the Essenes abhorred women).

These questions represent just the tip of the iceberg. There is absolutely nothing we can say about the Magdalene that is irrefutably true. The best we can do is gather the best research and develop guesses from there and when we stray from scholarship, being clear about the basis of what we are sharing.  

What we shouldn’t do, however, is make claims about the Magdalene that have absolutely no basis in scholarship and then sell them as fact. The sad reality however, is that thousands of people are out there doing exactly this while convincing others to pay for goods and services that are based in pure fantasy. On behalf of the Magdalene, I’m offended by this, but she doesn’t need my defending.

The true Magdalene stands on her own.

This has been born out in the women and men who have participated in and completed the Magdalene (inspired) Training Program I have developed, journeyed through myself, and now facilitate. My program differs from other programs being sold in her name by these criteria:

  • Based in scholarship.
  • Rooted in scripture.
  • Practical and applicable to real life.
  • Anchored in contemplative practice.
  • Embracing of Eastern and Western practices.
  • Authentically transformational (in other words: it works!)

No, this work isn’t for everyone. It requires discipline, dedication, persistence, personal accountability, and self-awareness.  In my own life and in the lives of those who have completed this program, the results speak for themselves. Participants come away knowing more about themselves, more about their own personal mission and calling, and have the tools to support themselves in moving past the obstacles to living a purposeful and meaningful life. No whoo here. No smoke blown up your ass. No false promises. No bullshit. Just resources and tools inspired by the Magdalene and the mission of Truth that she shared with her mentor, teacher, and friend, Jesus.

I Care Too Much

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 6 Comments

I have a confession to make.  I talk big about cultivating the fine art of detachment and learning not to care, but in reality, I care too much. It’s a problem:

  • I care about the state of our world.
  • I care about humanity’s wellbeing.
  • I care about the lack of peace and the pervasive nature of conflict.
  • I care that some humans are truly evil and intentionally cruel.
  • I care about the health of our environment and the safety of our water and food.
  • I care about injustice.
  • I care that people are starving, homeless, without adequate medical care, living in war-torn countries where their safety is continually threatened.
  • I care that people die in unnecessary wars.
  • I care that the best humanity can come up with for resolving conflict is war.
  • I care about ignorance and the bad decisions human beings make because of a lack of verifiable information.
  • I care that there are people in the world who thrive on manipulating and abusing others.
  • I care…I care…I care…

More than all of this, I care about the people I love. I want the best for them.  I want them to be happy, healthy, well cared for, and safe. I want them to succeed in whatever they set out to do. I want them to have peace, to know contentment and to experience joy. I want them to feel loved.

The problem with caring, is that I am not in control over any of the things I care about. That drives me insane. It is excruciating to observe humanity and to see all the unnecessary violence, conflict, and hatred. It is even more difficult to watch those you love make decisions that will cause themselves or someone else harm. It is especially challenging when you have some experience in a certain area and can predict the harm that will come when one takes a certain path. This is hundred-fold true when you have a tiny bit of pre-sentience and a thousand-fold true when you are an empath, or when someone you love asks for guidance, and you give it, and they choose the exact opposite.

It actually hurts me to see some choosing certain paths. And there’s not a damn thing I can do about any of it. So I writhe in agony. I become frustrated, angry, and impatient. I get balled up in self-righteousness. My anxiety escalates and my depression deepens. Sometimes it’s so bad my PTSD is triggered. It sucks.

Then I apply every single spiritual practice I know for detaching and letting go. Sometimes it helps. More often not. Or if it does, the effects are only temporary, and I find myself right back in the place of caring.

UGH!

There are days I want to shake my fist at God: “Why did you make me care???”  There are other days I try to bargain, “Can’t you make me NOT CARE like so many people seem to do?”  Then there are the days where I make myself not care – I have to get angry to not care, and then I feel guilty and like I’m being a complete asshole.

UGH!

Caring is a curse, but I’m not sure I would want to be any other way. Someone has to give a shit!  Right!?  If I don’t care, who will? If someone doesn’t care what will come of this world?

But then I look at what we call “God.”  Does “He” even care? I sometimes think not. Instead, it seems that God leaves us to our own devices and lets the chips fall where they may – consequences, natural law, karma, and all that jazz.

If God doesn’t care, then why do I?  It’s a serious question.

Some might call caring “codependency.” Yeah, I can own that. I do care – often too much. The too much is an ebb and a flow. Better on some days than others. When I’m feeling vulnerable, or anxious, or unwell, it might be worse. When my PTSD is triggered it’s definitely worse. Unraveling from being a first-born and certain cultural conditioning is hard. Healing from childhood wounds and forced extroverted niceness (brought about by multiple moves) takes time. People pleasing and over-responsibility have to be unlearned.

It’s a journey. But as hard as I am on others, I’m a million times harder on myself. I should have this thing down by now. Right!?

WRONG!  Not even close.  Turns out I’m human, fragile, vulnerable, and imperfect and broken just like everyone else. And more than anything else, I am not in control over the fact that I am excruciatingly human – and that just kills me.

Learning Not to Care

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

(aka Cultivating the Fine Art of Detachment)

Life is a funny thing. First, we are taught that it is our job to care about EVERYTHING. Caring about EVERYTHING implies that it is our job to do something about it. Heaped on top of this caring is the whispered weight of responsibility. Not only is it our job to do something, it is also likely that the things that appear wrong are also somehow our fault. Blame adds to the pressure to do something about the wrong.

At nearly sixty, however, I’ve learned something new. It is more than likely that NOTHING is our fault. Therefore, it’s not our job to fix it. Furthermore, it’s not even our responsibility to care.

Wait! What? It’s not our job to care?

Yes, we have a human responsibility to care about ourselves, our loved ones, humanity, and the world. If we have a loving heart, we want the best for everyone. We want people to be happy, healthy, fed, clothed, safely sheltered, educated, and their medical needs provided for. We want people to have liberty, dignity, respect, and peace.

The sad reality, however, is that more often than not, there is not a damn thing we can do to guarantee any of this for anyone. Neither can we necessarily fix the wrong that prevents people from having all that is stated above. This is especially true when the individual is capable but unwilling to care for themselves. Furthermore, 99% of what we care about is completely out of our sphere of influence, and even if it is, it still may be out of our control.

As a Type 1 (Perfectionist/Reformer) on the Enneagram, this has been a truth that has been very difficult for me to come to. Not only have I had conditioning working against me, but I have also had the gift/curse of my unique temperament which gave me the lens through which I am hard-wired to ask “How could this be better.” Indeed, this gift makes me a fantastic trouble-shooter, source of counsel and guidance. This lens also left me with a seething resentment over all the things in the world that I can’t fix and all those who could utilize my gifts, but have refused my counsel.

Compounding the frustrated fulfillment of my gift and its resulting resentment, is the reality of emotional addiction. As it turns out, we can become addicted to negative emotional states in the same way that we can be addicted to alcohol or drugs. Spending time in, or even cultivating these negative emotional states have a similar impact on our brain chemistry as other addictions. Resentment, frustration, impatience, even rage were negative states to which I had become addicted, and I would even seek out situations to get upset about so that I could experience the “power” of these emotions.

Feeling these emotions, however, never fixed the frustration. Getting twisted up about someone else’s behavior, an injustice in the world, or the ignorance of humanity never gave me peace – only more resentment. Eventually I had to make a choice – remain in the ever-twisted world of seething resentment or find some way to experience peace. I chose peace.

The first step in choosing peace was to acknowledge I had an addiction. The second step was to recognize what all those inner feelings were actually saying to me.  They weren’t saying, “Go fix this thing.  It’s your job to fix it.  You know better than anyone else.”  Instead, they were showing me one of two things: a) a need of my own that wasn’t being met that I then had the responsibility to get met (if it was within my realm of control). b) all the things in the world over which I have ZERO control. Admittedly, a) was easier to accept than b).

When we feel powerless over something we cannot control, we will find anyway to find that power, until we can accept that it is really not within our control. One of the tactics I have found helpful (or mantras I’ve embraced) is to force myself NOT TO CARE.

I know this sounds harsh, but I am naturally a loving and caring person – especially as it relates to those I love and have care for. I want the best for them. I want them to be safe, cared for, healthy, happy, etc. But the reality is that no matter my efforts to share my gifts in a way that might be supportive, some/many are unable to receive these gifts. I can beg and plead all I want but until an individual (or a group, or a Church, or a political party, or a nation) wants to make a change, my words are dust in the wind.

To survive the frustration and angst over a) my gifts not being received and b) my complete lack of control over a situation, I have had to learn not to care. In the recovery world, this is called detachment. Detachment allows me to be an objective witness of what is unfolding around me without the compulsion to step in and offer my wisdom, expertise, advice, suggestions, etc. Detachment allows me to move beyond the frustration, irritation, or anger I might feel in the face of what I perceive as wrong and accept things the way they are. And OH MY GOD, my inner perfectionist/reformer HATES THIS!  But, it’s the only way I can experience peace. At this point in my life, I’m far more concerned about peace than thinking I have any influence over the state of our world, and I’ve discovered that this peace is a choice.

I can continue to allow myself to care so much about the world that I suffer the consequences of ongoing seething resentment and frustration, or I can learn not to care (cultivate the fine art of detachment) and live my life in peace. I choose peace.