Letters from Hell #2 – Rest

September 20, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

This morning, my thoughts have turned to rest. Specifically, rest, that it seems I am needing a great deal more of. I never needed rest before – or at least I acted like I didn’t need it. I would work from before dawn to after dusk Monday through Sunday. Weekends were taken up with chores – cooking, cleaning, yardwork, being a mom, etc. etc. etc. There was no time for rest – rather, I rarely took the time.

But now, as we’ve been living in hell, it seems like all I want to do is rest.

I can’t help it. I’m tired. Damn tired.

Living in hell is exhausting. Between “hearing (and feeling) the cries of the world,” the increasing division and violence, and the constant bombardment of traumatic events and chaotic actions, I have very little left to give – to anything – other than survival.

It’s no wonder when the weekend comes all I really feel like doing is sitting at home, reading, napping, and watching TV. I have zero bandwidth (or money) for much else. I don’t want to go anywhere or be by anyone. And please don’t ask me to go somewhere where there will be crowds. I get enough of the energy of people during the week, and I really cannot tolerate any more.

I suspect I’m not alone in this – at least among those who are paying attention. As a healer and an empath, I feel it all – every person’s emotions, feelings, anxieties, frustration, anger, and fear. I can’t help it. My body is like some kind of processor for all the darkness that is erupting in our world. It comes into me and moves through me. It seems I have no choice in the matter. It’s part of what I’m here to do and be. And trust me, it is not out of pride that I share this – because I would not wish this “job” on anyone.

With no choice in the matter, I do what I must to survive:

First, my home is my sanctuary. I have created it into a place of refuge and safety. It is my hermitage, my monastery, my cloister. With three-foot-thick concrete walls, it is a fortress in which I feel safe. I am here mostly alone or in the company of loved ones or special clients. To the world, my home is invisible. To be found, you must have been given an invitation.

Second, when I’m not at the job that provides the income I need for basic survival, I’m at home. Except for visits to the yoga studio, running basic errands, visiting my favorite coffee shop, I’m home. At home, I am deeply immersed in my practice – meditation, prayer, reflecting, writing, reading, and praying some more. Increasingly, in prayer is how I spend my time. I need it. The world needs it.

Third, I’ve learned to embrace rest. When I’m tired, I nap. When it’s not a “work day,” I rest. In this also, I find I no longer have a choice. I need it after all the energy it takes to live in this hellscape, to be forced to be out in the world, and to be one of the many witnessing and supporting humanity as it decides its own fate – an eternity in hell, the end of the human race, or if they will finally agree to embrace the opportunity they’ve always been given – which is to be Love.

Rising Above the Chaos

August 23, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

As the world as we know it continues in its collapse, there are bound to be times of unbridled chaos:

Chaos created by those who stand to lose power.
Chaos manifesting as distractions, impulsive actions, and irrational and rash decisions.
Chaos instigated as an attempt to control a narrative.
Chaos created in the hopes of causing confusion.
Chaos as the reaction to above-mentioned chaos by those unable or unwilling to acknowledge their own anxiety and sense of unease in the face of said-chaos.
Chaos in the irrational anger, frustration, and impatience that arises in the face of unacknowledged and unmanaged fear.

Human-created chaos and human-reactions to chaos, most simply, are symptoms of the death throes of a world imploding. When the life we have known approaches its end, humans’ initial tendency is to cling to what has been, and that clinging most often manifests in rash attempts to manipulate and control their own dying.

Death, however, cannot be controlled. When a way of being has lived out its usefulness, it comes to a natural end. Nothing can stop it. Neither should one try.

In the face of a dying, however, humans are rarely rational. This is especially true in those who do not know how to acknowledge or manage the natural fears that arise in the face of endings. This unacknowledged and unmanaged anxiety comes out sideways in angry, rash, impulsive, and often irrational actions. These actions can be enormously obvious such as deploying military troops “to help eliminate crime” in areas where crime has already been effectively managed, or as subtle as rudeness or road rage.

No one is immune to the natural fear of endings. We have two choices in the face of these fears: allowing the collective chaos to sweep us away in a storm of our own anxiety and worry, thereby triggering our own responses to fear; or acknowledging the anxiety that we are feeling and employing the tools and resources we have for mitigating and managing fear.

Tools for managing the fears we naturally experience in the face of a dying world (as we know it) include: medication, meditation, movement, music, mindfulness and mindful actions and activities. Mindful activities can include anything from cooking to gardening, hiking, exercise, making love, and more. Really, anything that allows us to rise above, or move beneath the chaos of a world in its death throes works. It doesn’t matter what form our practice takes. What matters is it allows us to be present with our anxiety and move through it so we are no longer a prisoner of our own anxiety, or vulnerable to the fear-driven actions of others; but instead, we are peaceful, content, and safe as the world around us goes up in flames.

How are you rising above or moving below the chaos to find your own place of comfort and safety?

The Choosing

August 16, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

“Decide today who you will serve.”

The words above are from the Book of Joshua in the Hebrew scriptures and perfectly describe where we find ourselves at this point in our human evolution as we are being given an opportunity to choose:

Who or what do you serve?
Who or what do you follow?
Who or what do you worship?
Who or what do you seek to obtain or acquire?
Who or what do you believe in?
Where do you put your time, energy or attention?
What or who do you give your energy to?
How are you using this one precious life you’ve been given?

To me, there is only one appropriate response to these questions, the answer being Love (that which some might call God). When we choose to serve the cause of Love, when we follow Love to its source, when we hold Love above all else, when we seek to know Love more fully, when we believe in the power of Love, when we focus our time, energy, and attention on knowing and being Love, when we give ourselves over to being Love, and if Love is the goal and intention of our lives, then we find ourselves authentically free – meaning peaceful, joyful, and content.

When we choose anything other than Love, we are doomed to be imprisoned by our fears, our conditioning, and our limiting beliefs. Then, we become vulnerable to the manipulations of those who seek to benefit from our fears.

The world in which we are currently living is ruled by those who seek to benefit from our fears: Corporations. Politicians. Governments. Religious authorities. The Media. Conspiracy Theorists. Propaganda creators. – just to name a few. The world is rife with those who understand that fear is an easier choice than Love and who use those fears to control us by getting us to do what they want us to do for their benefit and our detriment. The wholesale destruction of Gaza, for example, is the result of a nation capitalizing on the fear they have created and the individuals around the world who financially benefit from a nation always at war. An example closer to home are the snake-oil salespeople who are happy to take advantage of those suffering with a tragic, difficult, or terminal diagnosis by making false promises of a cure.

What the world doesn’t know is that choosing fear is easier only because it’s all we’ve been conditioned to do. From the time we are conceived, fear is the primary message and tool of control. It doesn’t, however, have to be this way. Neither are we doomed to remain in fear. Breaking away from fear begins with a choice – a choice that we are invited to make every single moment of every single day. This choice begins with a simple question:

In this experience, am I choosing fear or Love?

Let me provide some simple examples:

When you are watching TV and an ad comes on for the latest “weight loss cure,” will you allow the ad to trigger your body judgement and be tempted, or even decide to purchase that product or will you see the ad for what it is – a corporation trying to make you feel bad about yourself so you will buy their product – so you can then decide to choose self-Love over fear?

When crazy sh*t is happening at the White House, do you get sucked into anxiety, fear, and the temptation to enter the spiral of doom, or do you take a breath, see it for what it is (something purposefully trying to trigger your fear), and then let it go with Love?

When a political party (or individual) uses the media to try to set apart a specific ethnic group as “the enemy,” do you buy into the fear or do you understand that in Love, there are no enemies – only those seeking to benefit from a world divided.

Choosing Love requires intention, dedication, discipline, and persistence. Choosing Love takes practice – and is a practice. Choosing Love is at once a choice and an unchoosing as we retrain ourselves from the fear we’ve been conditioned to choose to the Love that is our truest and most original nature. Only in choosing Love will we ever know peace and it is only in more choosing Love over fear that the world will ever know peace.

What are you choosing?

Choosing Love is a practice. All of the resources I provide support you in learning how to choose Love and how to unchoose fear.

Learn more here.

Don’t Be Fooled!

August 9, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Human beings are most vulnerable when afraid. It is when we are afraid that we are most vulnerable to the manipulation of others. Fear causes us to look for something – anything – to help ease our fear – even if what seems to ease our fear is a lie. When afraid, we just want something – anything – anyone – to promise we will be alright. Even when that promise includes something that might cause us harm. The promise might cost us emotionally, mentally, psychologically, physically, and most definitely, financially.

Depending on the magnitude of our fear, we may even be willing to sell our soul.

I have seen the evil that preys on fear at work in our world in a multitude of ways. In truth, it’s everywhere. It’s in the “shaman” that promises to cure your psychosis. It’s in the “influencers” who wave shiny objects in front of us, promising they will make us better, popular, famous, etc. It’s in so-called “reality TV” showing false images of beauty, wealth, status, and fame. It is in snake-oil salespersons promising a cure for cancer, ALS, Parkinson’s, and any other undesired medical diagnosis. It’s in the unsavory fitness and diet gurus promising their way is the only way to weight loss and long life. It’s in an advertising industry that purposefully preys on our fears, promising that their product is the solution to that fear. It’s in anyone speaking from the farthest reaches of the spectrum promising their way is the only right way and that anyone else is wrong.

We are living in a time in which humanity’s fears are at their highest – a world plagued by war, disease (including pandemics), homelessness, poverty, and hunger. The threat of nuclear war feels very much alive. Earthquakes and volcanoes are erupting at unprecedented levels. Our food and water resources have been poisoned. Weather has become increasingly violent. Millions of people recently lost their lives to Covid. A million more are currently facing annihilation under the orders of fascist dictators hiding behind the masks of democracy.

Humanity has good reason to feel afraid. Fear is a natural, human, response to anything that is outside of our realm of control. Fear, however, does not need to destroy us, and it is most certainly not a reason to give ourselves over to the false promises of charlatans, or anyone promising to have the cure for what ails us. Instead, the answer to fear is that which allows us to move through it so that we might return to our center where we can be in touch with – not someone else’s truth – but our own truth. As Frank Herbert wrote in his immortal classic, Dune:

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
(Bene-Gesserit Litany Against Fear)

When we are afraid, we are vulnerable to the manipulations of those who prey on our fears. When we sit with, move past and through our fear, we are able to return to our original nature of peaceful equilibrium. In this place of inner peace, we will see and know the truth. We are able to see through the masks worn by those seeking to have power over us through our fears. Equally, we are able to distinguish truth from falsehood. In this, we will see clearly those who might be authentic support for us in the face of whatever we are fearing – not by making us dependent upon their lies, but empowered in our own truth. Becoming comfortable with our fear and learning effective tools for being with and moving through those fears, makes us immune to manipulation and unable to be fooled by those who might otherwise seek to cause us harm.

NOTE: Those who are attempting to fool us often believe their intentions are good. Watch out especially for these for not only are they lying to you, they’re lying to themselves.

Authentic Freedom supports you in learning how to identify, heal, and transform fear. In doing so, you are freed to see and know truth, and identify and avoid falsehoods. Buy the book or take the class!

Be Still

August 1, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know I.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.
Psalm 46:10

During times of great upheaval, chaos, and turmoil, the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and the world is to be still. Being still draws us inward toward our original nature which is peace. In stillness we are able to locate the deep well of contentment that is present within us always – when we remember to take the time to return there. Returning there is the remedy to the anxiety, fear, and hyper-fixation that is triggered when everything around us feels to be outside of our control. In that deep well of inner peace, we find comfort, inspiration, guidance, and even a sense of safety when everything around us seems to be on the verge of collapse.

Collapsing it is. Collapsing is what it needs to do. We cannot prevent the collapse, nor should we try.

Instead, we are invited to be. To be witness. To wait and watch. To observe where and how we are being triggered by the collapse, and care for ourselves by turning within.

It is in being still that we shall be unharmed. Stillness provides us with safety and protection. Simply being allows us to find center while everything around us is turning to shit.

Eventually, the collapse will come to its natural end. What will remain will be those who were able to be still. Those who knew how to simply be will be the ones gathering the seeds left behind by the winnowing and who will know how to plant them so that a new world might begin.

If you want to be part of the new world that is coming into being:

Be still.

For over 25 years, Lauri Ann Lumby, MA, has provided one-on-one support for those seeking peace and/or direction in their lives. As a trained spiritual director with a master’s degree in Transpersonal Psychology, Lauri has the perfect education, background, and experience to support you in hearing your own truth, healing past wounds, overcoming trauma, and finding the tools to help you move through the inner obstacles that might be keeping you from the inner contentment you most desire.

Learn more here.

Honing Our Witness Practice

June 19, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

Being an objective witness to the natural unfolding of the universe without interjecting our own need to control, our unhealed wounds, or our desperate desire to feel safe, is a really difficult task. If we have the ability to read people, events and choices for the likely outcome they will produce, it makes being witness even more challenging.

As one who has almost always been right (I admit a shred of pride in sharing this, but mostly it is a statement of historical fact), it physically hurts me to watch people I care about stepping in a direction that I know will likely cause them harm. Further, it enrages me when I watch liars and charlatans taking advantage of the weak and vulnerable and gaining wealth and notoriety while doing so. As a first-born who developed the defense mechanisms of fixer and protector, I want with my whole soul to intervene. Intervention, I have learned, rarely helps and most often harms. (The exception being life-choices that may be life-threatening.)

Being an objective witness requires that we lay our need to control aside, allowing individuals to make their own choices – no matter how poor those choices might be. The savior in me cringes in even writing this, but it is true. What I am continually reminded of is that each of us is on our own individual journey and who we choose to be and how we choose to follow our path is really nobody else’s business but our own. We are here to learn our own lessons – or not learn them as the case may be.

Instead of reaching out in warning, putting forth a challenge, or getting emotionally worked up over human beings’ choices, we are invited to stand back. Watch. Observe. For me, this includes the additional practice of silencing my inner critic who stands in judgment with arms crossed in self-righteousness. Further, I find I am invited to acknowledge the strong outward pull of my unhealed wounds of fixer and protector, and draw that pull inward, reminding myself that it is not my job to fix or protect others from their potentially harmful decisions. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands, bite my tongue, and close my eyes, my whole body shaking in effort as I wrestle that former impulse to intervene into stillness.

Being objective witness is not easy, but as my Zen friends would say, “We are all here in our own sit.” It is not my job to interfere with the life-journey of another. The best I can do is use what I see as seeds for my own healing and growth, while giving others the freedom to experience the consequences of their choices and the opportunities for learning that come in those choices. Further, I can share the lessons I’ve learned and the tools I’ve gathered in the event that some might find them helpful.

How are you honing your witness practice?

Being objective witness begins with our own journey of self-awareness and healing. The Authentic Freedom protocol developed by Lauri Ann Lumby is a great place to get started with that healing.

Learn more about Authentic Freedom here and how you can begin that journey.

Undoing Toxic Capitalistic Conditioning

June 8, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

I am not afraid to publicly admit my vulnerability or share my woundedness. I have observed that in being open and transparent, others are often able to find healing themselves, or at the very least validation for their own feelings and experiences.

Most recently, the thing with which I am most struggling is my sense of failure and shame over where I find myself in my life. Nowhere in my life have I succeeded in the ways in which we are measured or judged in a capitalistic society. I’ve never been given opportunities for wealth. I’ve never had enough discretionary income to save or invest. I don’t have a wall full of awards. I’m not popular in the capitalistic sense of popularity. I’ve never even been “Almost Famous.”

Instead, the opportunities I’ve been given led me to a kind of calling that cannot be measured through externals but only by what is within. At one time, I received validation, affirmation, support, praise and even a sort of notoriety through said-calling, but even that was taken from me (rather, I chose obedience to a calling over obedience to an institution).

Since leaving the institution of the Catholic Church, I’ve been out in the world doing what I have felt called to do. But as of this moment, even this seems to be falling away. Instead of having something somewhat tangible to hold, I find myself doing work to pay my bills that in some ways has its own kind of reward, but which strongly suppresses what I consider to be my truest gifts. There is a sense of emptiness and loss as my gifts lay dying on the ground while I’m just trying to survive in a world that was not made for me.

I’m tired. I feel empty. I’m quite close to abandoning any and all hope of fulfillment in the sense that we’ve been conditioned to believe we are deserving of.

One thing I’ve learned in this life is that we don’t deserve shit. Hard work does not equal success. Neither does a so-called Divine calling. But how, really, is Divine Calling measured?

Jesus was crucified.
Joan of Arc was burned at the stake.
Edith Stein was sent to the gas chamber.
Maximilian Kolbe died by lethal injection.
Gandhi was assassinated.
Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated.
Nelson Mandella was imprisoned and tortured.

A Divine Calling provides no guarantees. And yet, for some of us, it seems we have no choice but to follow this so-called Divine path, sacrificing capitalistic rewards for something else.

Today I’m not sure what that “something else” might be. Instead, I feel like I’m drowning in a sense of failure and its accompanying shame. The voice of this shame is continually trying to convince me I did something wrong, I chose the wrong path, and my true gifts don’t really matter. Everyday I feel like I’m bumping up against an impenetrable wall keeping me from my gifts and those who find them to be of value. It’s exhausting and heartbreaking.

And I know I’m not alone. This is why I’m baring my soul. I see you. In know who you are. You are my closest friends and companions who have equally “failed” in the capitalistic sense. You are the intuitives, neurodiverse, visionaries, prophets, and sensitive souls who have found this world simply too much to bear. Many of you struggle with “chronic illness,” in a world for which you were not made. I see you. I know you. I’ve heard your stories. Our stories are very much the same.

This too was Jesus’ story and the story of many who followed him:

“I have given them your Word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.” John 17: 14-16

Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world.” John 18:36

As those who are called to be and do the work of Love in a world that wants to divide through hatred, we, like Jesus, are not of this world. Instead, we are working on a different plane (so to speak). The work we do is vibrational. It is spiritual. It is energetic. It is intangible and subjective. It cannot be measured by either mathematics, physics, or capitalism. While we may know and believe this in the depths of our soul, this does not free us from the conflict between what our hearts know and what the world wants us to believe. This is where our spiritual practice becomes ever-more important. For me it is this:

I first had to recognize the sense of failure and shame – in how it has been coming out sideways, then as it is anchored in my conditioning.
Then, through inner pondering, I had to identify the nature and source of that shame. Where did I learn this? How is it part of my conditioning? How is it proving harmful.
Then, I chose a self-forgiveness practice to support the healing and release of that shame.
This practice is an ongoing work in progress, but I know that and know to have patience with myself as I heal.
I’m also seeing all the ways in which I try to barrel through the pain of this shame and am TRYING to choose self-care and rest over forcing myself to abide by the “rules of survival.”
Then comes the hard part – trusting that as I care for myself my material needs will be taken care of.

This capitalistic world is not made for us. Yet we have spent our entire lives being conditioned by its rules and measures of success. Undoing toxic capitalistic conditioning isn’t easy. But if we feel called to be Love, we have no choice but to transcend the capitalistic conditioning that has kept the entire world imprisoned. In undoing this conditioning, we are freed from this imprisonment, while providing an example that others may one day choose to follow.

Oh….and here’s a great anthem for undoing toxic capitalistic conditioning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwhBRJStz7w

Deepening Your Practic

The Authentic Freedom protocol, created by Lauri Ann Lumby, provides a solid and reliable framework for undoing toxic conditioning and healing our inner spiritual wounds. Into the Wilderness guides you through the in-depth process of learning and applying this process for the sake of your own liberation and freedom.

Learn more HERE

Being Love in a World that Wants to Hate

May 25, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby

Being Love in a World that Wants to Hate

May 25, 2025May 25, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

Being Love requires persistence, discipline, personal responsibility, accountability, and courage. Being Love requires vulnerability and humility. Being Love asks us to be willing to admit where we have been wrong, especially when our being wrong has wronged another. Being Love requires forgiveness – forgiveness of self and other – but likely not the kind of forgiveness you learned about in church. Being Love requires commitment along with countless opportunities to re-commit.

Being Love is an inside job. Being Love takes work. Being Love is hard. It is for these reasons, and the ones mentioned above, that so few even attempt, let alone succeed at being Love. This is especially true in a world that wants to be hate and which appears to be overwhelmingly successful in being hate.

Hate is easy. Born out of our instinctual drive to be suspicious of that which is unfamiliar, hate separates and divides in an attempt to keep us safe from the unknown. As reasoning animals, we are supposed to evolve past this drive to separate. Sadly, most have not evolved past this, simply because evolving takes work. Hating is easy. Being Love is hard.

Even with intention, desire, commitment, and drive, being Love is hard. I’ve learned and experienced this in my own life. One of the reasons hatred is so easy is because it feeds us. Hatred allows us to believe we are right and everyone else is wrong. Hatred fills us with a charge that can feel energizing and empowering. Hatred makes us feel powerful. Hatred allows us to feel superior. Hatred creates in us the illusion of being safe from those who have or could cause us harm.

Feeding on hatred, however, is like ingesting poison. Feeding on hatred makes us sick. Many years ago I became aware of the ways in which hatred was harming me. Eventually I decided to stop.

Deciding to stop was only the first step, however. From then on, I have dived deeply into researching and applying a multitude of wisdom practices that have helped me move from being hate to being Love. In applying these practices, this is what I’ve learned:

We cannot just “think” our way into being Love.
Instead, we must go deep within ourselves to the places we have forgotten that we are Love and heal those.
Over and over and over and over and over and over again.
Being Love (and by association forgiveness) has NOTHING to do with “the other,” and everything to do with ourselves.
As we heal the inner obstacles to Love, we are not only healing ourselves, others are healed as well.
Another human’s inability to being Love is none of our business, except as an invitation to being more loving ourselves.
We cannot heal or change anyone but ourselves.
We can despise an individual’s actions while still having Love for them.

This #8 may in fact be the single most important challenge to us as we try to be Love. Every single day we encounter wounded and broken human beings who do not know they are Love. Having never been given a chance, or having never chosen to evolve, they find themselves living solely out of their instinctual center. From this fear center, the only way they know how to function is to divide themselves from that which they perceive as different. It is out of this fear that things like racism, classism, sexism, xenophobia, and homophobia arise. While our reasoning minds might not be able to understand how someone would purposefully choose hatred, until we evolve beyond our instinctual drives, anything other than hatred might not be a choice. To put it succinctly, hatred is just another word for fear. While we might despise the actions of someone choosing hatred over Love, we can have compassion and love for the wounded human inside of them who doesn’t know any other way to respond to fear.

While responding to fear/hatred with more fear/hatred might be easy, it is not how we bring more Love into our world. The only way for Love to grow is to be Love ourselves. In being Love and continuing to heal the places in ourselves that have forgotten we are Love, we are providing humanity with an example of what Love looks like which then gives them an opportunity to make another choice.

Being hatred or being Love? It is a choice.

Being Love begins with self-knowledge.

The Order of the Magdalene Formation Program provides you with resources, knowledge, and tools to support you in your own journey of self-discovery and empowerment.

Learn more HERE