Spiritual Practice

Being Salvation

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

In the Apocrapha of James (Nag Hammadi Library), Jesus makes a distinction between those who accompany him and those who pursue (follow) him:

“Instead of accompanying me, you pursued me.” – Jesus

Those who pursue (follow) are those Jesus identifies as:

  • Listening but not hearing.
  • Preaching but not living it out.
  • Memorizing but not embodying.
  • Chasing after Jesus as the cause of salvation without first being saved within themselves.

In this Jesus is calling out a kind of co-dependency among those who pursue rather than accompany – looking for an outside perceived authority to do the work of salvation for them.

In contrast, those who accompany Jesus, are known for:

  • Coming to know the Love that they are in Union with Source – as Jesus himself did.
  • Hearing Jesus’ teachings and applying them in their everyday lives.
  • Applying these teachings and in doing so, being transformed through the healing of separation and the return to Oneness.
  • Embodying Jesus’ teachings such that they understand that they are their own source of salvation.
  • Achieving the salvation that can only come from within, as Jesus taught.
  • Being that salvation in the world through the embodiment of Love such that others are inspired to discover and deepen that love within themselves.
  • Understanding that salvation is only the beginning of the journey. It is being salvation that the purpose of our lives is fulfilled.

We are all pursuers at some point in our journey, but the ultimate goal, as it relates to Jesus, is to accompany him on that journey of inner salvation, and then being that salvation in the world so that others too might know the fullness of Love that they are and be that Love in the world.

PS: We don’t have to call ourselves Christian or proclaim Jesus Christ as “our personal Lord and savior” to apply his teachings, thus embodying our original nature as Love. The Love about which Jesus spoke is universal and meant for everyone regardless of their race, religion, sexual orientation, gender, or nationality.

Revelation, Rapture, and Apocalypse

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

With the recent (ongoing) war in Palestine and Israel, there has been an uptick in talk of the apocalypse, the rapture, and the end of days. This uptick is based on the belief of a fringe group of evangelical Christians that the return of Jews to the Holy Land and their eventual conversion to Christianity are both necessary for paving the way for “The Second Coming of Christ.”

Christian Zionism is an insult to our Jewish brothers and sisters and to the faith they rightly hold. It is also an affront to the Palestinian people who have been displaced and increasingly sequestered since the partition of 1948. Christian Zionism is a gross misrepresentation of what it means to be an adherent to the Love that Jesus embodied and taught. Finally, and the point of this writing, Christian Zionism’s beliefs are based on a grave misunderstanding of the writings of John of Patmos, specifically his creation of The Book of Revelation.

Throughout the centuries, The Book of Revelation has defied interpretation and has been used by many (if not most) to put forward their own fear-based agenda. The Book of Revelation falls within a specific and unique biblical genre, that of apocryphal writings. Apocryphal writings have one intention only: TO REVEAL. To reveal what is hidden. Unique to apocryphal writings are the language of code – a code that is known only to the community for and to whom they were written.

In the case of John of Patmos, he was writing to and for his own community of Christians who were suffering persecution under the Roman Emperor Nero. John was writing to remind them of the teachings they had already received. He was writing to encourage and support them in their ongoing endeavor to remember and live as Love – the Love that John learned from Jesus and that John was called to bring forth into the world. John wrote in a code that his community would understand. Like Jesus, John was writing in a symbolic language (parable), that would be fully understood by those who had received the fullness of Love, but which might confuse others.

The Book of Revelation was never meant to be a predication of future end times. It was not meant to herald “The Coming of Christ” as it has most often been perceived (Jesus coming out of the sky on a cloud to save all of humanity). It was not meant to predict plagues and horrors that would mark the end of days.

Instead, The Book of Revelation is an instruction manual for the inner journey of transformation. By following its instruction, we are each, in our own unique journey, led to the remembrance of Love, and supported in embodying that Love as Jesus did and as Jesus instructed his followers.

In embracing the guidance of this text, we will indeed experience “The Second Coming of Christ,” but not in the form of Jesus on a cloud.  Instead, we will come to know The Christ within us and in this experience our own salvation. This is not a salvation experienced in some heaven light years away. Instead, it is the peaceable kingdom Isaiah foresaw, the promised land that Moses pursued, and the kingdom of God about which Jesus spoke. This is a salvation that is present within ourselves and when known, leads us to the Love, peace, contentment, understanding, compassion, and joy that is our true nature. In this Love, we know that all of humanity is One and that this oneness is independent of religion, race, nation, or belief.

Come and explore this mysterious and often confusing book of the Bible from a different perspective while reclaiming the role of the Divine Feminine as the true heroine of this epic mythological tale. 

Victory of the Holy Bride shatters over 2000 years of patriarchal dogma that cast the Book of Revelation in the role of doomsday prophecy and presents to you the tools for discovering a profoundly simple truth that is the key to inner peace and the formula through which we endure the “times of tribulation” while building a whole new world – one rooted in peace, understanding, wisdom, harmony and love. 

Learn more here.

Hating Our Bodies?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I’m not exactly sure when I started hating my body. I do know I didn’t always hate it. In fact, for a fair part of my childhood I didn’t give my body a second thought. It just was. It wore clothes. It gave me movement. It housed my organs and my mind and in some invisible place, my soul.

I’m guessing the hatred started somewhere between puberty and girls suddenly getting separated into categories of pretty (ie: popular) or smart.  Apparently if you were smart you couldn’t be pretty, even if you were.  As such, smart = unpopular – which mostly meant boys didn’t like you so neither did the pretty girls. (I still don’t consider myself attractive even though many have insisted otherwise). Ugh!

I’m guessing it started there. From that point forward, I learned to idealize thin, and came up with the idea that 113 pounds on my 5 foot seven frame was my goal. For many years, 113 was no problem.  I ate what I wanted. I didn’t concern myself with exercise. I just naturally stayed somewhere between 113 and 115 pounds. Then things began to change and my frustration with my body’s refusal to comply with my wishes turned to hatred. In a subconscious attempt to reinforce this self-hatred, I made sure to only date men who were equally, if not more, obsessed with emaciated women. Now I had two voices in my head shaming me for eating or daring to have flesh on my bones.

Tens of years, two children, chronic illness, menopause, medication, and tens of pounds later, I still despise my body. What’s most ironic about the hatred now is that I’m finally the size and shape I always imagined myself to be even when I weighed a really unhealthy 113. The weight I carry now is not for lack of healthy exercise or because of poor food choices. In fact, I’m not sure my food choices could be any better. I am aware, however, of the complete lack of enjoyment in eating, and all that I deprive myself of enjoying because “it might make me even more fat!”  UGH! I also know that by 99% of the population’s standards, I am nowhere near fat, but I think I am, and that’s all that matters.

And I know I’m not alone. I despise our culture for what it has done to women in causing us to hate our bodies. It would be easy to cast a finger of blame at the media, fashion magazines, TV, and movies. They’re an easy target. Another less obvious target: The American Medical system. We’re all familiar!  At every doctor visit we’re weighed and measured, asked how we eat, and how often we exercise. Then our blood is tested for anything that might indicate early death from heart disease from being too FAT. I’m not eschewing good health, but who is it that is determining what is healthy and what is not? You got it – white American men who have been conditioned by the same “stay thin” mentality as we have.  ☹

But what if we’re not fat? Better yet, why does it matter?  Some of the most attractive women I know have abundant curves. Right off the bat I think of actress and model Liris Crosse and clothing designer Kenya Freeman. Beautiful, curvy, healthy women who are enjoying life and loving themselves. I want to love myself like they seemingly do.

Don’t we all?  What would happen if we really started loving ourselves? Loving our bodies exactly how they are without having to squeeze, starve, manipulate, torture, botox our bodies into some idealized form that isn’t even real. 113 was only healthy for me when I was a pre-pubescent teen. As a post-menopausal woman of 58, despite what our culture and even our medical system want to tell me, my current weight must be the right one for me because I’m doing all the right things. This is simply where my body wants to be. Not to mention, a few extra pounds after menopause is actually a good thing as it is in fat that estrogen is stored which we desperately need to keep our bones healthy and strong.

I know this all in my head but that doesn’t change the unhealed wounds or the voice in my head that continues to shame me for being “fat” and which is constantly chastising me for not being thin. It’s a constant voice in my head.

This is where I turn to my spiritual practice and the Authentic Freedom protocol I developed for healing these inner wounds. For the next thirty days, I am committing myself to a “Loving my Body” practice.  Perhaps, you would like to join me.

Image Credit: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen, CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Surprised I Talk About Jesus?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

People are often surprised to hear me talk about Jesus and even more surprised to learn that I teach about him. Actually, I don’t teach about Jesus, my teaching models his.

The Jesus I know may not be the same as the one you were taught about or the one whose teachings were twisted to fit the agenda of the patriarchal, hierarchical institution you belong to or were raised in.

The Jesus I know is Love – pure and simple.  Love. In this Love there is no room for discrimination, bigotry, ignorance, or hatred. The Love that Jesus embodied does not judge, but treats each human being with dignity and respect, celebrating their unique giftedness and diversity while mindful of the woundedness they may carry. The Jesus I know embodied compassion and understanding, listened deeply, hearing the truth beyond the words, and seeing the truth beyond the illusion. This Jesus never sought to start a new religion, only to remind his own Jewish brothers and sisters of the Love that dwelled within them and of the Unity that existed beyond the division of religious dogma – the Truth their ancestors once knew but quickly forgot.

The Jesus I know is the Jesus before men hungry for power appropriated his name for their own political gain. The Jesus before politicians used his name to justify genocide. The Jesus before a Church was built in his name that then went on to commit horrors against those who refused to give up their own beliefs for a god made in Rome’s image, against innocent children, and against women and men who through the wisdom of nature and their ancestors had the power to help and heal.  The Jesus before pulpit preachers attributed Jesus to their own fear-based message of hellfire and brimstone through which they could then exact pounds of flesh or coffers of coins from those willing to be manipulated by their words.

My Jesus is not Joel Olsteen’s Jesus, neither is he the Jesus used by the Church in which I was raised to claim themselves to be “the one true Church.” The Jesus I know didn’t die for our sins, but instead, died for the sake of the Truth of Oneness that he was called to teach (which in a way is dying for our sins). The Jesus I know came to heal the sick, liberate those imprisoned by their own unhealed wounds and conditioned fears.  He came to open the eyes of those who refuse to see and the ears of those who prefer to turn a deaf ear to Love.

This is the Jesus I have come to know and if I speak of his name, this is the Jesus about whom I speak.

Oh yeah…..and the Jesus I know isn’t white.

Jesus Never Promised Utopia

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Jesus NEVER spoke about or promised utopia.  He never said that heaven would be brought to earth.  He never promised the golden age in which there would be peace on earth and that humans would live in peace.  In fact, he said quite the opposite, “there will always be poor among you,” “render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.”  Not once did he bother himself with the politics of humanity.  He never challenged or even mentioned the Roman rulers of the culture in which he lived.  And if he did bother himself with religion, it was to remind the religious leaders of the love that was at the core of their beliefs.  No, Jesus did not promise peace on earth and good will toward men and he did not work to make the world anew.  Instead, he made one promise, and one promise only:

The kingdom of God is within you.

THIS was the good news that Jesus preached – that the kingdom of God – the experience of peace, love, joy, harmony and contentment is right here, right now, when we take the time to go within and remember.  Jesus then demonstrated how remembering this truth of our original nature, brings forth all kinds of miracles in our lives.  In and through this connection, we come to know ourselves, we come to know our unique giftedness and we come to understand and then become empowered in how we are called to use these gifts for the sake of our own fulfillment and in service to others.

As Jesus taught his disciples, achieving this peace is an inside job and has absolutely nothing to do with what is going on in the outside world.  Nothing.  As Jesus himself demonstrated, we can be experiencing the most unspeakable form of torture (death on a cross) and still find this peace. 

Jesus taught his disciples how to remember the kingdom of God that was already there within them.  The word Jesus used to remind them of how to access this peace has been translated repent.  In the original Greek, however, this word has nothing to do with sin or punishment.  Metanoia (repent), means turning again and again and again and again to the place within where we know love, peace and joy, that which some might call God.  Period.  It is as simple as that. 

When the world out there disturbs us and causes us to fear, turn within.  When we are distracted by the events of the world that speak of violent, hatred, suffering, war, turn within.  When someone betrays us or breaks our heart, turn within.  When we experience loss, disappointment, condemnation, ridicule, turn within.  HERE is where utopia lies – not in some time or place light years away, not in some perfect alignment of the stars or when we finally think the right thoughts.  Heaven on earth is right here in the core of who we are when we take Jesus’ advice and remember. 

God is Love. Love is God.

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in them.  In this is love brought to perfection among us… There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.  We love because God first loved us.  1 John 4: 16-19

God is Love.

Love is God.

This is the heart of Jesus’ message as it was understood by the author of the epistle attributed to John. To me, this is the single most important teaching of anything Jesus spoke or was quoted as saying, and truly all we really need to know.

God is Love, therefore Love is God.

Understanding this truth makes everything so simple. No longer do we have to argue over what Jesus meant. Neither do we have to question the inherent contradictions of scripture, or stand in conflict over matters of doctrine. With LOVE as the lens, everything becomes clear. If it reflects Love, it is of God. If it reflects anything other than Love, it is either man-made, or needs to be contemplated more deeply.

The second teaching of Jesus is that we are ONE with the Love that is God. We are not separate from that Love. It is only our conditioning and the reality of the human experience that causes us to feel separated from God or that God might separate Godself from us. Feeling separate from this Love is what causes us to feel unloved and to act in non-loving ways. Jesus shows us the way to remember that Love that is our true origin and original nature. He then proves that as we remember that Love we are healed of the false perception of separation. The more we remember Love, the more we live as Love and treat each other in loving ways.

The message and teachings of Jesus really are this simple. It’s only human beings that make it complicated.

God is Love.

Love is God.

Our Original Nature is Love.

Remember this Love.

Be that Love – in all ways, all the time, toward everyone.

This is the truth that Jesus taught.  This is the truth that sets us free. Nothing else really matters.

Is Your God Too Small?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Growing up, I was taught that “God” is infinite (without limit), omnipresent (present everywhere, at all times), omniscient (all-knowing), omnipotent (all-powerful), and unconditionally loving. One teaching went to far as to define “God” simply and profoundly as love (1 Jn 4:16).

And yet, everywhere I look, even (especially) within the Church that taught me about God, I find human beings limiting “God.” 

  • “Sure God is unconditionally loving…..unless or except when…”
  • “God loves you without condition, but if you disobey God, you will be condemned to eternal damnation.”
  • “God is infinite, except when it comes to those things “not explicitly handed down by the magisterium.”
  • “God is everywhere at all times, except in those who don’t believe in Christ.”
  • “God is all-powerful, except when it comes to “Satan” or “Lucifer.”

I am continually amazed at all the ways in which human beings limit their “God.” It seems instead of coming to know the Divine, they are creating “God” in their own image:  jealous, fickle, wrathful, vengeful, judgmental, hateful, prejudice, racist, etc.

How can one preach a God of love while simultaneously preaching a God of vengeance? How can one preach a God of welcome while preaching of a God who excludes? If I wasn’t a woman of reason, I might find myself confused. Instead, I find the answer to this quandary quite simple…an answer that has been given to us by the very guy who called God LOVE:

He who does not love does not know God; for God is love. (1 Jn 4:8)

As John points out, those who find themselves limiting God don’t really know God, and I find that very sad.

Jesus: a Model of Self-Actualization

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Today’s blog explores Jesus and his teachings as a model of psychological and spiritual development through which we are empowered to become self-actualized and through which we are able to be freed of the obstacles which prevent us from reaching our full potential as human beings.

Has Jesus Become Irrelevant?

It saddens me that in our quest for intellectualism and individuation, Jesus and his teachings seem to have become irrelevant. When we pierce through the veil of dogma, however, what we can see is that Jesus provides a model for psychological and spiritual development which supports the self-actualization of those following his example.  What Jesus taught rivals the currently popular paths toward enlightenment and might even be more befitting those who were raised in the Christian tradition. While I acknowledge all these paths as holy and sacred and as valid means through which we can develop and grow as human beings, I contend that we are missing a HUGE opportunity by ignoring or worse yet, demonizing, Jesus and the gifts that he brings to the journey of self-actualization.

Jesus as the model

When we read scripture without the threads of dogma obscuring our view, what we see in Jesus is a man who came to understand the fullness of his human potential and who lived that out as freely as was possible. Examining Jesus’ life through the lens of psychological and spiritual development, we see:

  • A man committed to his spiritual practice.
  • Who came to develop a deeply intimate and personal relationship with that which he called “Abwoon” (God).
  • Who found healing, comfort, restoration, inspiration and guidance through this connection with his higher self.
  • Who, through a process of formation and discernment came to understand his unique giftedness and how he was called to live that out.
  • Who overcame the inner obstacles, temptations and fears which might prevent him from living this path with humility
  • Who learned and practiced the gift of spiritual obedience.
  • Who learned to surrender to and trust the Source that was guiding him.
  • Who was able to stand freely and without compromise in his truth, even to the point of death.
  • Who was a force for change and a voice for justice – ministering to and speaking out on behalf of those who had been ostracized by society.
  • Who challenged the laws that provided privilege to some while infringing on the rights of others.

From the perspective of psychology, Jesus was a man who became self-actualized, who reached the fullness of his human potential and who left behind a collection of stories and teachings which show us how to do the same.

Jesus as the teacher

Jesus did not go up on a mountain, become self- actualized, and then stay there. Instead, Jesus lived his self-actualization in the midst of the human race and taught others how to reach the fullness of their own potential.  Jesus accomplished this through his example, and through his teachings. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to those writers who attempted to capture Jesus’ model and message in the scriptures that have been handed down to us, as well as those that did not quite make the cut (many for obvious political reasons!).  Again, looking past the Institution’s attempt to doctrinize Jesus’ model of psychological and spiritual formation, these are some of the tools Jesus left behind to help us in our own journey toward self-actualization:

  • practices of meditation and prayer which help us to quiet our minds so that we can be open to the higher intelligence that speaks to us in the silence, that guides us, moves us, inspires us, comforts us, heals us.
  • stories which teach us about the call to justice, that speak to us of the importance of compassion and forgiveness, that heal us from our own fears and woundedness, that remind us of our own unique giftedness and the call to share those gifts in the world.
  • The beatitudes – pithy statements that demonstrate for us the natural results of our potential – as we grow toward our human potential, we are naturally poor in spirit, merciful, working for justice, etc.
  • Stories that remind us that first and foremost….we are loved….more than that….we ARE love and that the purpose of the human journey is to remember that love.

Reclaiming Jesus’ path to self-actualization

I am inviting us to set aside the wounds we may have experienced at the hands of religious institutions, to look beyond the veil of dogma and to restore Jesus to his rightful place as psychologist, spiritual director, healer, teacher, and guru.  Let us give ourselves permission to know Jesus anew and to look at his example and teachings through new eyes.  And my prayer is that through this willingness to be open that we might see the truth beyond the words and in Jesus find our own path to self-actualization.

The Devil at the Crossroads

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

The journey toward self-actualization is in fact, one spiritual initiation after another.  Spiritual initiation takes place every time we are faced with an opportunity to remain in the perceived safety and security of what we have known or take another step toward the fulfillment of our life purpose.  The spiritual initiation is successful when we move through the fears and ego attachments that seek to keep us imprisoned within our small selves and away from the expansion we are driven toward by our Soul.  Some of these initiations are small and some are so significantly huge that we soon become aware that we are facing a major crossroad in our life.  It is at these crossroad moments that our spiritual practice becomes even more critical, as does our diligent attention to these practices.

A crossroads occurs when the life we have known has come to an end and the new life has not yet revealed itself.  It is a time ripe with opportunity and danger.  At the crossroads, possibilities seem endless and many opportunities (or twinklings of opportunities) may present themselves.  At this stage, none of these possibilities are yet fully formed, so a decision (or even a discernment) cannot yet be made.  Some of these possibilities will die on the vine.  Some are not in our highest good or reflective of our soul’s purpose and therefore should not be pursued.  And some are just beginning to grow roots so are not yet strong enough to support our unfolding.  For these reasons, pursuing or chasing after possible opportunities prematurely will only end badly.  We will know that the opportunity is not yet ripe if in its pursuit we find it either drawing away, or find ourselves coming up against a brick wall. Instead of requiring effort, opportunities that are ripe and good for the soul will fall into our laps in a miraculous and effortless kind of way.

While the crossroads is ripe with possibility, it is also rife with danger.  This is true for it is at the crossroads where we make our deals with the devil.  At the end of what has been, we are vulnerable and afraid. We have left behind (or are being asked to leave behind) what has been so as to replace it with something that is not yet known.  It is in our human nature to crave surety and to long for “the same.”  When we have neither of these creature comforts, we grow anxious, worried, and fretful.  Often, our first response is to bargain for the old life to be returned.  “Please let me go back to…….(insert relationship, job, home, etc. here)….at least I knew what to expect there.”  But our Soul desires nothing if not growth.  As such, as much as we might want to, we cannot return to that which has already died…or which no longer supports our growth.  (Well….actually we can…..we just end up with a zombie like life along with the constant shame of knowing we are living an unlived life…mind numbing substances and behaviors come in handy here as we try to escape our true feelings about the unlived life we have chosen). 

After bargaining, we must now face the possibilities that lay before us.  Some will be known.  Some will only be twinkles.  And MANY will be the paths which lead us only into the “devil’s trap.”  These are the paths which are ruled by fear and/or which tempt us through our ego attachments.  Those paths ruled by fear are the possibilities that are based in our unhealed and unresolved fears:  fears over money, time, acceptance by others, belonging, etc. etc. etc.  When we choose a path that is ruled by fear (I’m afraid that the path of my Soul won’t make me any money, so I’m going to find a path that insures at least a regular paycheck…..whether or not it has anything to do with my gifts, my mission or my purpose in this life…..), this is the devil’s trap.  The result of choosing this path will only be more fear and a deepening sense of imprisonment.  Those paths ruled by the ego are those which tempt us through our desire for fame, power, control and material wealth…..in other words, “the lifestyles of the rich and famous” – another of the devil’s games.  While fame may be an outcome of pursuing our Soul’s path, this will not be true for all, and the path of our Soul is never driven by our desire for fame. In the quest for the Soul, we must always check our ego at the door.

When we find ourselves at the crossroads we are vulnerable.  We feel insecure and afraid.  The possibilities might seem overwhelming and our fears are running rampant.  The crossroads is the devil’s playground, but it is also the domain of our Soul.  At the crossroads, the Soul is seeking after and longing for its natural movement toward growth and it will not rest until the appropriate path for its growth reveals itself.  Until that happens, the Soul is restless….making us even more vulnerable to the “devil’s trap.” 

At the crossroads, our spiritual practices become even more critical, along with our resilience in the face of temptation and our diligence in tending to these practices.  While at the crossroads we must not act, pursue, chase after or be tempted to make something happen.  Neither should we make any decision based in fear or arising out of the ego.  Instead, there is only ONE THING we can do when standing at the crossroads….and that is WAIT. Wait and watch.  Observe and discern.  And when the waiting and inaction become excruciating (which they will)….we wait some more.  For it is at the crossroad where we endure the greatest of all tests in our spiritual initiation …the test of whether we can wait long enough for the path of our Soul to arrive and the next stage of our life to begin.

Learn more HERE

Soul School Asks You:

  • What are the dreams and passions that inspire you?
  • What gives you a sense of meaning and purpose?
  • What leaves you feeling content and deeply fulfilled?
  • What sets your heart aflame and fills you with joy?
  • What is your unique gift to the world?
  • What is standing in the way of you living the meaningful, fulfilling, joyful, inspired life of your dreams?

Soul School helps you answer these questions and then supports you in overcoming the fears, unhealed wounds, vulnerabilities, past traumas, and conditioning that are keeping you from living a meaningful, joyful, fulfilling, and inspired life!

Acceptance is an Aspect of Forgiveness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Forgive, but never forget!  And….let go of any idea that what you’re trying to “forgive” will ever completely go away.

Sometimes, we can’t just “let it go.” We can move through the pain and heal it….bit by bit by bit.  With some wounds (betrayals, deceptions, etc.) we can heal from most of the pain. With others, especially those of the deepest and most indelible nature, some of the wound may always remain.

It was once suggested to me by a trusted advisor, that with one wound in particular (that related to me being essentially excommunicated by the Catholic Church) I should just let it go. I’ve given a lot of prayerful consideration to her suggestion. It’s not that I disagree with her. Instead, I recognize that I, alone, do not have the power to be completely free of this wound. How can one be free of a wound where there has never been and will likely never be an apology or closure? I’m not closed to the fact that Grace might step in and I will suddenly find myself free of the hurt, the anger, the disappointment, the betrayal, and the heartache. Grace, however, is not something I can do for myself. I have learned that true Grace only comes from God (our own understanding of that which some might call “God.”)

Instead of placing pressure on myself or entertaining the finger of shame for not being able to “let it go,” I have chosen acceptance.  I accept the invitation to continue the work of healing. I accept responsibility for my part in the healing. I accept the possibility of some miraculous intervention that might fully free me of the wound. I accept the very real possibility that I may never be fully free of this wound and that there will likely be situations, experiences, conversations, TV shows, news articles, social media posts, etc. that might trigger that wound, inviting me into another layer of healing.

Acceptance, I believe, is its own kind of forgiveness. It allows us to hold ourselves in compassion and loving care as we continue to allow the healing, without heaping pressure on ourselves to have to be perfectly healed. Acceptance means tending to the parts over which I have some measure of control, surrendering to that over which I have no control, and being at peace with my current state of being – whatever that may be.

It’s ok to be human and hurting. It is often through our own vulnerability and pain that we are able to be a source of compassionate care toward ourselves and then toward others.

The above is an entry from Lauri’s upcoming book, Unseen – the Memoir of an Invisible Woman. Find Lauri’s other books on Amazon.com HERE.