Forgive, but never forget! And….let go of any idea that what you’re trying to “forgive” will ever completely go away.
Sometimes, we can’t just “let it go.” We can move through the pain and heal it….bit by bit by bit. With some wounds (betrayals, deceptions, etc.) we can heal from most of the pain. With others, especially those of the deepest and most indelible nature, some of the wound may always remain.
It was once suggested to me by a trusted advisor, that with one wound in particular (that related to me being essentially excommunicated by the Catholic Church) I should just let it go. I’ve given a lot of prayerful consideration to her suggestion. It’s not that I disagree with her. Instead, I recognize that I, alone, do not have the power to be completely free of this wound. How can one be free of a wound where there has never been and will likely never be an apology or closure? I’m not closed to the fact that Grace might step in and I will suddenly find myself free of the hurt, the anger, the disappointment, the betrayal, and the heartache. Grace, however, is not something I can do for myself. I have learned that true Grace only comes from God (our own understanding of that which some might call “God.”)
Instead of placing pressure on myself or entertaining the finger of shame for not being able to “let it go,” I have chosen acceptance. I accept the invitation to continue the work of healing. I accept responsibility for my part in the healing. I accept the possibility of some miraculous intervention that might fully free me of the wound. I accept the very real possibility that I may never be fully free of this wound and that there will likely be situations, experiences, conversations, TV shows, news articles, social media posts, etc. that might trigger that wound, inviting me into another layer of healing.
Acceptance, I believe, is its own kind of forgiveness. It allows us to hold ourselves in compassion and loving care as we continue to allow the healing, without heaping pressure on ourselves to have to be perfectly healed. Acceptance means tending to the parts over which I have some measure of control, surrendering to that over which I have no control, and being at peace with my current state of being – whatever that may be.
It’s ok to be human and hurting. It is often through our own vulnerability and pain that we are able to be a source of compassionate care toward ourselves and then toward others.
The above is an entry from Lauri’s upcoming book, Unseen – the Memoir of an Invisible Woman. Find Lauri’s other books on Amazon.com HERE.