alien

I came to the full realization this weekend that I can no longer function as a human being. I’m not sure if this is a function of age and wisdom – coming to know myself more fully and wanting to honor what resonates with and reflects who I am, or if I am finally willing to accept the fact that I am not, in fact, human. Likely it’s a both/and.

With what I know about myself and what I see in the actions of most humans, I don’t know how I could possibly be one of them. Instead, I feel more like an alien species that was dropped on this planet and forced to live among strangers. Never, in my entire life have I wanted what human beings seem to want, and if I did, I wasn’t being honest with myself, or I didn’t know myself well enough to understand that what many humans want would kill me.

And yet, I have spent most of my “human” incarnation, agreeing to the rules human beings seem to have set out for themselves and instead of receiving what has been promised for living by these rules, I have only ever gotten sick – physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

Humanity’s rules, it seems, are toxic to me, and I’ve had several recent reminders of how sick I become when trying to live by what is expected of other human beings. So, instead of continuing to force myself to comply with humanity’s rules and standards, I’m accepting the fact that what would be called “normal human functioning” is no longer available to me – if it ever was.

For the sake of my own wellbeing, and in acknowledgement of my true alien nature, I no longer consent to the rules of humanity that are toxic to me and will only live my life in the way that feels natural to me.

What comes naturally to me is a quiet, gentle life where I am free to do what feels life-giving to me. What feels life giving to me is meditation and prayer, supporting others with my gifts in a way that empowers and for which my gifts are received and for which I am appropriately compensated, time for learning and study, peaceful enjoyment, one-on-one time with close friends, and rest. In other words – a simple life. If this desire for a simple life makes me an alien, then I guess that’s what I am.

I am writing this missive for all my sisters and brothers who like me, feel like an alien in this world. There are many (if not most) days where I am truly certain that:

I AM NOT FROM HERE!

What’s funny about this is that I’ve never really been “from” anywhere. Having moved around a lot as a child – a trend that continued into adulthood, I’ve always been starting over – trying to make new friends, find a way to fit in (or not), etc. Geographically I’ve always felt like

a stranger in a strange land.

Beyond the geography of things, I have never felt like I fit in or that I belonged. For one thing, I was way too smart! From a very early age I saw through people, places, practices, teachings, rituals, and things. I questioned anything and everything that didn’t make logical sense or that struck me as just plain wrong. I saw through people’s lies. I knew when someone was phony. I understood (even without the language to describe it) that certain conditioning was just plain wrong. I had a very strong sense of right and wrong and others knew it. As you can imagine, this got me into a fair bit of trouble – the straight A student with unsatisfactory conduct grades because I couldn’t help but challenge something when I knew it to be wrong.

I wasn’t trying to be an asshole. I just knew in my heart that human beings were capable of so much more. They could be honest, authentic, kind, gentle, generous, non-violent, loving, accepting, and peaceful. I knew this because

Where I come from people are kind and want to do good.

On this planet, however, it seems this is not always (rarely?) the case. When I experience cruelty, violence, hatred, deception, betrayal, it breaks my heart. When I see others being treated cruelly or unfairly judged because of the color of their skin or who they chose to love, my heart is crushed. When I see people struggle with poverty, hunger, homelessness, joblessness, I feel the needlessness of this in a world that is abundant with everything people need to survive and to have a rich and meaningful life.

More troubling than this is it seems like nobody cares. Very few are willing to take a stand for the real potential of human beings to create a kind and loving world where everyone’s needs are met and where we can all live in peace. When human beings are not willing to do the simple work of creating a loving world, I am even more certain that

I’m not from here.

It’s really quite simple. We live on an abundant planet and we have the resources, ingenuity, and technology to ensure the life of every species on this planet. We have the capacity within us to stop all wars and to redirect those funds to saving our planet, educating our children, providing meaningful work, and adequate healthcare to every single human being. The potential is within us and I know this to be true because it was true on whatever world I really came from.

Jesus said it really well:

“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” John 15: 18-19

More proof that I’m really not from this world!

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