Endings

May 20, 2025 / Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

I’m writing this for the sake of transparency and to be open and honest about the vulnerability that comes with endings.

Endings: It seems that the work I have passionately nurtured over the past thirty years is coming to an end. I’m not going into the details of this because the details are boring and unimportant. What matters is that many people have been served and found benefit in my in-person and online courses and training programs. I am grateful to have been able to serve in this way and for the creative inspiration that brought these courses and services into being.

Endings: are weird. I should be sad, but I’m not. I have been sad and the grief has gone from despair to terror to writhing, to surrender. Today, I find myself resigned. As St. Paul said, “I’ve fought the good fight. (2 Timothy 4:7)” I’ve been obedient to the inner guidance that compelled me to create these courses and share them. I’ve done what I know how to do to extend invitations for people to participate. I’ve shown up as a facilitator and guide. For a time, people showed up to enthusiastically participate. Over time, that has dwindled. Now there is nothing.

Endings: It’s ok. “To everything there is a season….turn, turn, turn…” But I have to ask, what comes after reaping?

Endings: Nothing. Nothing comes after reaping. After reaping is fallow time. It’s a time to rest and to wait. It’s a time to simply be. For now, this is what I’m doing. I know better than to beat bushes and chase after potential new opportunities. I know better than to try to hold up something that is already dead. I know better than to force something that is not yet ready to come into being.

Endings: Waiting in the no-thing is hard. Unfinished sorrows come up to be revisited. “Shoulda, coulda, woulda’s” whisper in our ears. With nothing to do we grow restless and impatient. We are tempted to try to “make things happen” when we are really only supposed to be anchored firmly in the void. Fears around survival make their appearance. “How will you pay your bills? How will you cover rent? What will you do about money?” We are conditioned to act, but during these fallow times, our conditioning no longer serves.

Endings: Wait. Watch. Listen. Be present to whatever faces of grief and temptation show themselves. Refrain from doing or taking action until whatever is coming to take the place of what is ending shows itself. And know that the new, when it comes, will be obvious and exactly what I need at this place in my journey for whatever time I have left on this planet.

Endings: are a blessing for they clear the way for something new and better to take its place – often something we might never expect for ourselves and potentially something beyond our wildest dreams. I am willing to surrender to this ending so that new life might come in – whatever that new life might be.

Endings: another thing I’ve learned is that I am not in charge. Source/God alone knows what it has planned for me. “Let it be done to me according to your word.”

PS: for those who will want to worry, I’m really ok. Sad, yes. Unsure about what is to come, yes. And while I don’t exactly know what this ending will fully look like, it’s been a long-time coming. I’ve experienced endings before and know that here too, something is coming to take its place. It just hasn’t yet shown itself. Without my interference, it will and I will know it when it arrives. Thank you for your kind thoughts and support through this time of unknowing. Love, Lauri.

Goddess of Darkness?

May 21, 2024 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

A funny thing happened last week that completely and totally made my day. I was stopping at my favorite local coffee shop (the one I call my second home) for my 10 am emotional support coffee. There was a newish batch of baristas working and I asked to be reminded of our new family members’ names. One of the newish baristas reminded me of his name. I said thank you, and was about to re-introduce myself and he interrupted, “Oh I know you as Lauri, Goddess of Darkness.” My heart melted with the fire of pure joy for being seen and known for who I truly am.

There’s a story about my name – as it relates to The New Moon Café and Coffee Shop. The owner and I are good friends and have known each other for close to twenty-five years. Since the first day the New Moon opened, I’ve been a devoted and regular customer. One day, I happened upon the owner as he was bringing in bags of coffee beans to be roasted. (they roast their own coffee and as a coffee connoisseur, I can attest their coffee is THE BEST I’ve ever tasted – especially their dark roasts) Aaron (my brother from another mother) says, “Lauri, check this out, I have a new fair-trade bean, from an all-woman cooperative.” “Oh my god, that’s so cool,” I said. Then jokingly, “You should do two roasts – a light roast and name it Goddess of Light and a dark roast and name it Goddess of Darkness.” I returned a couple days later to a sign announcing the latest dark roast coffee – “Goddess of Darkness” – named for and by me. (I also only drink dark roast). I LOVE MY NEW MOON FAMILY!

That’s the story of how a coffee got named, but in having an inside joke with me, Aaron unwrapped a deep and profound truth. As my life has continued to unfold, I find myself living more and more deeply into this name – Goddess of Darkness – so dark in fact, I may as well start calling myself Death.

As those who have worked with me professionally know, my greatest gifts lie in the shadows. I’m comfortable journeying with and supporting people through the darkest parts of life. Through the places that most are afraid to go. Death. Loss. Recovery from trauma, abuse, betrayal, heartbreak. I help people exhume that which has been buried/suppressed/repressed and assist them in bringing it to the light to be healed and transformed. I accompany people in the journey of facing their own shadow – the parts of themselves they’ve rejected, suppressed, ignored, freeing them from that which keeps them imprisoned by fear. I have sat with people through the most difficult places and parts of their journey, assuring them they are not alone, providing comfort and a place where they can be unburdened of all the pain they hold within themselves.

I am humbled and honored to be called into these intimate spaces with people – family, friends, and clients/students alike. I personally find comfort in the darkness for it is within the darkness that we find our truest selves.

Not everyone is comfortable in this dark place – especially when that dark place is defined by Death. Death holds a special kind of intimacy that requires both strength and vulnerability. More and more often, I find myself called into the most unexpected places where Death presides. Whether accompanying dear friends through the death of a child, being one of the first ones called when an acquaintance suffers a medical emergency, being invited to create and preside over a stranger’s funeral, or being invited to be confidant to one moving through a terrifying medical diagnosis, I am there – and I’m honored to be there. Death, to me is perhaps the most sacred of all human experiences for in facing Death, we are given the opportunity to see the face of God/Love. There is nothing more tender or intimate than being with another human being who finds themselves at the threshold between life and death – whether it is the person who is dying, or those who are experiencing death through the journey of one they love. Death is a holy and sacred place and I’m grateful for whatever it is in me that allows me to sit with another in that space as a source of – whatever they need. One time, what the bereaved needed from me was to weed their garden, because it was the one thing they couldn’t find the strength to do as they sat with a loved one in their final hours. I was there for that too.

So yeah, while “Goddess of Darkness” was initially a bit of a joke, this title has born itself out as true. I’m comfortable journeying with others through the darkest times of life – even/especially (it seems) when the darkness they are facing is Death itself, and I am humbled and honored to be there.

Order New Moon Coffee!

Order whole bean or ground New Moon original roast coffees by calling (920) 232-0976.

For dark roasts, I highly recommend the Goddess of Darkness or the South 605.

Tell them Lauri the Goddess of Darkness sent you. 😉

The Tangled Web of Grief

April 15, 2024April 14, 2024 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

This weekend my heart is heavy over the many deaths this week which have been brought into my awareness, including the death of a close friend.

This has been an anxious week of vigil, waiting, and then “sitting shiva” over not only my friend’s death, but the deaths of so many others who I know either closely or by acquaintance. I’ve also been in the throes of grief – experiencing every face of grief, seemingly all at once. Denial, bargaining, anger, depression and sorrow. In the midst of this grief, I also find myself tempted by self-judgment. I’m coming to believe this judgment may be part of the bargaining stage of grief. “If I hadn’t been foolish enough to care about this person then I wouldn’t be feeling so bad.”

Death is hard and often brings up questions. Death is NOT a guarantee of closure. Death leaves many questions unanswered and conflicts unresolved. We can’t go back to clarify confusion or ask for explanations. All we can do is sit in the discomfort of vacancy and a whole lot of unknowns. Death brings confusion and there is nothing we can do to resolve that confusion.

So we sit, and twitch. We pick at our wounds. We grieve. We battle our inner self-talk. We rage. We sit in the state of paralysis unable to do, or think, or even find stillness in being. In death, we are reminded of how excruciatingly human, vulnerable, and fragile we are, and we are invited to be with this humanness until we can accept this as who we are.

Perhaps this is the stage of “acceptance” that grief experts speak of. It’s not about acceptance of the loss of the person we cared for, it’s about accepting the most vulnerable, wounded, and fragile parts of who we are and loving ourselves anyway.

Painted Altars

April 2, 2024April 1, 2024 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I have painted my home in visual altars –

Uncountable reflections of that which I call God.

Jesus, Mary, and the Saints

Shining faces of Shekinah’s grace.

My children – living beacons of my joy.

The family from whence I came

and to the grave where one day I will go.

Everywhere I look I’m reminded of

Who I am,

Who I love,

Who I choose to be,

and

The death that will one day

welcome me home.

Upcoming Live Classes

(click on the images to learn more)

Join Me Beside the Hearth

February 26, 2024 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

For over twenty-five years I have been a source of support for individuals through the most vulnerable and tender parts of their human journeys. I have counselled people through the unexpected death of a child. I have supported couples facing the “dark night” of their marriage. I have been a welcome guide and mentor in the human journey of spiritual growth and development. I have provided healing for those experiencing mental, emotional, and spiritual pain. I have been a source of support through midlife crises, divorce, job loss, empty nest, and other deeply transformational times of transition.

Whether working with me over the phone, via ZOOM, or in my home, you will find a warm and welcoming place here where you can step away from the chaos and unrest of the outside world and be supported in returning to your heart – for it is there you will find rest, peace, and the answers to life’s questions. My hearth-fire is always burning. You will find comfort and safety here.

With love,

Lauri

Email lauri@lauriannlumby.com to schedule a one-on-one session with me! We can meet via ZOOM, over the phone, or in my home if you are local. My suggested fee is $165.00 per session and I offer a sliding scale for those for whom $165.00 would be a reach. Don’t hesitate to reach out!

The Call of the Bean Sidhe

September 14, 2022 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

In a far-off land

‘neath a hill of grass and stone

lives the Bean Sidhe.

Cloaked in rags

Dreaded silver locks

Tattoos of woad telling stories of her life

Her face a skull

One clear eye seeing without

The cloudy one seeing within

Her skeletal finger pointing out the eternal

Her life will never end

With her knowing eyes she’s seen it all

Nothing you could say would surprise

Nothing you do could shock

She sees only Truth

A mirror for those who dare –

who can endure her eternal screaming.

A witness to all of humanity’s sorrow

and a voice for all who weep for humanity’s doom –

They’ve no one to blame but themselves.

I am She and She is me.

art and poetry copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

What Are Your Soul Gifts?

Online course

13 lessons done at your own pace

Created and Facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

Learn more HERE

Boneyard Poet

September 7, 2022September 6, 2022 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Boneyard Poet

I am the Boneyard Poet

always singing them goodbye.

To the empires always crumbling

right before my eyes.

In Church and School you’ve heard me

keening lullabyes

‘neath windows of forefathers’ vision

of beautiful spacious skies.

Standing as dark witness

and catalyst of change,

herald’s trumpet blowing

“It’s time to rearrange.”

Upending the corporate ladder –

ceilings becoming floors.

Shuttering all the windows

and locking every door.

Branding each “Momento Mori”

While singing their goodbye

“We’re better off without you,”

The Boneyard Poets cry!

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Lauri Ann Lumby is the author of 10 books, including four volumes of poetry. Lauri’s books are all available in paperback and Kindle, and two are available on Audible.

Visit Lauri’s Bookstore HERE

Inside the Bone Cave

September 1, 2022 / Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

The Bone Cave

At the mouth of the bone cave

I stood and wondered:

Is it here I’m doomed to remain?

Sitting on chicken feet.

Surrounded by the bones of my past.

Amid the haunting howls of soul’s suffering

and the impatient clacking of their stories wanting to be heard.

Their want is deafening:

See me.

Hear me.

Understand me.

Care for me.

How much more can I care for bones already dead?

Yet their wailing persists.

What more do they need?

What more can I give when I have nothing left to give?

Maybe if I just sit here

and try not to move

their clattering will be still.

There is peace in surrendering to the dying.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Support for your dying times

Lauri Ann Lumby, MATP, provides one-on-one mentoring and support for people at all stages of their human development, most especially during times of transition – when we are dying to one way of being and waiting to be born into another. If you are facing a dying time and would like to work with Lauri, email lauri@lauriannlumby.com.

Learn more HERE