Hold the Line

These are the words that keep dancing around in my head. As we are continuing to be witness to the collapse of the world as we have known it, these are important words to remember.

Love does not come in our time.  Love comes in “God’s” time. We are not in charge of the unfolding of current events. Instead, we are witnesses and Love-bearers.

As witnesses our job is to watch, observe, and hold space for all the many faces of grief we will experience in the face of the death-throes of the patriarchy. As Love-bearers, we are meant to observe the unfolding from a place of non-judgment and detachment.

Love is universal. All are made by and for Love. Even (especially) those we perceive to be living a life contrary to Love. Jesus said “Love thy neighbor,” and “Pray for your enemies.”  Our neighbors are those we perceive to be like us. Our enemies – well, we know who they are. We are called to Love them – one and all.

I know, easier said than done. When we watch humans being cruel toward each other, treating one another with disrespect, acting as if some are deserving of liberties and others are not, it is hard.

When it is hard, we are called to pray for ourselves.  “Help me in my unbelief.” “Forgive them, they know not what they do.” “Into your hands I commend my spirit.”  “Teach me how to Love.”

All are wounded seeking to be free. Some know they are wounded and are seeking their own healing. Most aren’t even aware they’re wounded and are simply acting out of those wounds.

Love one another. Pray for each other’s healing.

And don’t interfere. It is said “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”  The same is true of humans. The difference between horses and humans is that humans can’t even be led. All we can do is our own work of being Love in the world and being that Love more fully. Sometimes, our presence awakens others to the Love within themselves, and to the invitation to knowing that Love. Sometimes our presence pisses people off. Neither is within our control. It’s not personal. It’s none of our business.

Each of our names are written on the palm of God’s hands. Our lives are written in Her book. If you are reading this, you are here simply for the purpose of Love. Be that Love and live from that Love and that is all you need to know.

Hold the line. The Love that you are is always on time.


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When the Invisible becomes Visible

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

I have lived my entire life simply by the whisperings of faith. If it feels right, or hits me square between the eyes, I have pursued it. No questions asked. (No, that’s a lie. I’ve had lots of questions, doubts, bargaining and asking, “God, are you really sure about this?”  God has always been sure. My human self – not so much).

Faith is a strange thing because we are most often taught that faith requires effort. We’re told to “believe,” and we will be rewarded for that belief. We’re taught that “faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains,” implying that if we can’t move the mountain, we either don’t have enough faith or we’re not trying hard enough. The same is true about walking on water.

This has not been my experience of faith at all!  Instead, faith has been like a wave in the ocean that pushes me forward into a certain direction and try as I might, I cannot resist that flow. Faith has lifted me out of certain life situations and my own ill-conceived plans, and dropped me on another shore. Faith is a force I have ceased from resisting, as I have learned that there is nothing but hardship in denying ourselves the force of faith’s movement. Faith knows better what is right for us than what we could ever conceive of ourselves.

Faith is what has kept me going when I thought all was lost and there was no more hope. Faith has kept me true to my path despite my doubt and the outward appearance(s) of failure. Faith has moved me beyond western definitions of success and into a place where I (mostly) know and trust that my presence is planting some kind of seed and my efforts are producing a kind of fruit that I just don’t yet see.

Recently, I was gifted with several opportunities to see that fruit. This fruit was not what I was looking for, neither was it what I had expected. Yet, the visible appearance of this fruit filled my heart to overflowing, gave validation to my choices, and has made me profoundly grateful and humbled.

Western conditioning trains us to look for proof of our success in something big. We’re told to look for the flashing billboard and a pile of wealth. We’re instructed to believe that a teacher is measured by the number of students they have (not the number of teachers they empower).

Faith has shown me something else. Instead, of the above, what I was given to see is that the fruits of my efforts are subtle, invisible, yet deeply rooted. I was given to see that my presence and the simple effort of me just being me has had a profound impact on several people’s lives. In not one, but several conversations in the past week, I was told, in very visible terms, how my presence has impacted people’s lives.

I can only respond to the gratitude expressed by these many acquaintances/friends with my own gratitude along with a deep humility in knowing that I did not do that! Yes, I was the vessel through which they experienced my presence as gift, but it was, and has always been, God/Faith working through me. And here’s the most startling fact about this fruit – the majority of those who shared their gratitude, only two had ever set foot in my office or taken one of my classes. These were mostly people I have simply encountered in my journey of being me.

I guess we never truly know the impact we have in other people’s lives until Faith steps in to show us, making the invisible visible.

Comfort for a Friend

The following is a copy of a letter I sent to one of my dearest friends who has been rightfully angry and frustrated with the state of our world and the actions of a certain administration. I trust these words will be a comfort to others.

Dear Friend(s):

For awhile now I’ve been wanting to offer some words of comfort as we are moving through this massive upheaval of what we once believed in as a political system. There can be no mistaking, the Republic is in the midst of its own collapse, in this case, by its own hand.

I know this causes you much fear and concern – rightly so. I know it also ignites anger and rage – again, rightly so. Today I heard someone call this “a war on women.”  Indeed, that often appears to be the case. Equally, it appears as a war against everything that we all hold dear as it relates to universal civil rights and the promises of liberty – for all.

Unfortunately, the system was never made to support anyone other than white, wealthy, men – regardless of what we’ve been told. In the simplest of words, a system that was never meant to support us is showing itself for what it truly is and in its revelation, it will ultimately destroy itself. As scripture says:

“a house divided against itself cannot stand. (Matthew 12:25)”

Knowledge, of this destruction, however, is not necessarily a source of comfort. To offer that, I will have to go back fifty-five years.

Somewhere around the age of five, while vacationing with my family at Lake Lumby, under the light of a bright orange harvest moon, I was given a dream. In the dream the end of the world was about to happen, and I pleaded  “how can we stop this and save humanity?”  The answer – cryptic as dreams often are was, “Gather your friends and dig up Lincoln’s real bones and restore them to their rightful place.” I was five – but even at that young age, I had a sense of the dream’s meaning. It meant that what Abraham Lincoln represents to many of us (honesty, integrity, equal rights, etc.) needed to be restored to our world.  I knew this dream to be true and a prophecy of what was to come.

Fast forward to the early 2000’s and I start to see the proof of this dream playing itself out. In prayer, through dreams, and in connection with others receiving similar messages, there seemed to be a great unfolding taking place. The great unfolding is and has been an ongoing revelation of the division and fear that have shaped western culture (especially) and the United States specifically. We might call the cause of this division patriarchy but it is much more than that. It is every single system that has its roots in fear, and which seeks to manipulate others by this fear so as to serve the self-appointed ruling class. (The movie/documentary Origin explores this in depth.) 

The good news is that a system built on fear is unsustainable. The challenging news is that we are witnessing proof of this as we are living through one of the many times that a system such as this has collapsed under the weight of its own arrogance and greed  – ie: The Fall of Rome. (I have often wondered if Rome knew it was falling and what the impact was on those NOT of the ruling class.)

Since 2016, and even more so since 2020, the pace at which the empire is falling has quickened. We have seen it most obviously on the political stage, but it is indeed impacting every single institution that is rooted in fear, power, and control. The experiment of capitalism has worn itself out and is proving itself to be unsustainable – at least in the way it has been lived out in our lifetimes. Unbridled capitalism has no destination except failure – especially since much of what we understand as wealth today is purely imaginary! It’s a folly. It’s a ruse. It’s a straight up lie.

The house of cards is falling about itself, and those who have benefitted from the lie are clinging and grasping after power and control in their attempts to save the system that has given them perceived power.

They cannot, however, save a dying system. They will, however, become louder and more desperate as it all slips through their fingers.

It all must die. It is not going to be pretty. Death never is. In the face of this dying, we will witness and likely experience fear, anger, depression, and helplessness. We may disassociate, bargain with ourselves, and spend moments in denial. So too will the dying system. Apply what you know about the faces of death (E. Kubler Ross), and this is what we can expect – in fact, we’re already seeing it in droves.

Kamala was not going to save the dying system. Trump may strangely be the hammer that brings the system to its knees. He sure is working hard to destroy it from within and in doing so, showing us the vulnerabilities of the system. UGH!

What I was shown in my dream, was not the salvation of the current system, but the creation of something new. Something built on integrity, honesty, collaborative effort, and true liberty for all. In this, I find the following words of Abraham Lincoln a balm for our times:

The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew, and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country.” – Second Annual Message to Congress, December 1, 1862

We cannot remain in the dream of a once virtuous United States. We must look at the failings that have been present since its inception and then look beyond them. Should the current system collapse (I am certain it will), we must envision something new. The new that we envision is already planted in our hearts and we are reminded of it every single day as our souls rile against injustice, poverty, hunger, homelessness, the destruction of our environment, corporate greed, human trafficking, sexism, racism, genderism, xenophobia, etc. etc. etc. We KNOW the world we want to live in and as much as we had hoped it was or would have been, the world we have lived in IS NOT THIS. Live for what you dream – not what you had hoped it would be.

One final word of comfort, I KNOW a new world is coming into being and I have seen signs of its emergence. It is present in the mass of people who came together in support of one another, for clean-up, and to begin the steps of rebuilding after Hurricane Helene. It is in our children who carry the vision of the new world within them and who are quietly – and perhaps unknowingly – contributing to its birth. It is in all the individuals I know who have seen the dying, along with the vision of something new.

One final reminder that supports my words being true and not just something I cooked up in my head to make myself feel better. I have been through the death and dying of several institutions. It is hell. I also learned through these experiences that we can and do survive and that on the other side of the death is always something better – something new and improved – or even more likely – something entirely new that leads us toward the freedom that our souls long for and know to be true.  Faith in this is what keeps me going.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. – St. Paul

I love you and your magical family, and we are together in this time to bear witness to the death of the empire and to be support for a new world that is in the process of being born. Thank you for being one of those gathered friends my dream so-boldly promised!

Love,

Lauri

Hope in the Perceived Darkness

Donald J. Trump has officially been sworn in as the 47th president of the United States. Across social media platforms, the reactions have been either silence or sentiments of despair and hopelessness. I haven’t yet seen celebration, but I’ve definitely seen grief.

As for myself, I have spent too many years and too much time in deep prayer over the role Donald Trump is playing in the unfolding human drama to get upset. Once I got over the initial shock in 2016 of his victory over Hillary Clinton (let’s be honest, Hillary was less than a perfect candidate), I prayed, “Please help me understand the larger purpose at work here.” I’ve shared before what I was given to understand, but I’ll share it again in case you missed it:

Donald Trump is playing the role of the Angel of Death.

Biblically, the Angel of Death arrived at crossroads times to bring liberation to the enslaved by destroying the power of the ruling class. The Angel of Death is perceived as benevolent from the perspective of those being liberated, and malevolent by those who are losing their power.

In the short term, it may appear as if a Trump presidency will deprive some of freedoms they once had while elevating the status of the ruling class, but there is so much more at play here than what is in our immediate sight.

Stepping back……way back…..away from the media propaganda, political rhetoric, and those who benefit from creating (perceived) division….is a 10,000 year old human experiment coming to an end. This experiment began with fear and ended with patriarchal power. This experiment has reached its limits and will result in the extinction of humankind if equilibrium is not restored.

Donald Trump is being called to play a role in the restoration of that equilibrium.  In the short term, and through eyes conditioned by division, we may not like what we see. To see evidence of this restoration we will have to look at things through a new set of eyes.  Some of this evidence we may already see. For some, we will have to look beyond what is right in front of us to a time that we do not yet know.

Hope and Trust are two words that may prove helpful as we navigate this transitory time.

Hope – not in that which is outside of us, in some person of perceived authority and power – but hope in ourselves. A big part of the dying system is the savior complex – the idea or illusion that there is someone outside of us who is going to save us. Instead, we are here to save ourselves. We are the hope we’ve been looking for.

Trust – in a bigger story at play. In the natural unfolding of the universe story. In a higher plan. In God (if that is your thing). But most importantly – Trust in yourself. Trust in the Love that you are. Trust that this Love has the power to not only transform yourself, but also has the power to transform the world.

As the Angel of Death, Donald Trump is helping to facilitate the destruction of all the institutions and systems that have benefitted from the conditioning that has left us feeling powerless. On the other side of this destruction, should we accept the invitation, is a world in which all of humanity is empowered to come forward with our own unique giftedness for the sake of our own fulfillment, and in service to the good of the all. This can only happen, however, if we have hope and trust in ourselves and believe in the power of Love.

By dividing we have been conquered.

By uniting we will be set free.

Why Do We Celebrate Christmas?

This morning while standing in line at the grocery store, the checkout man explained to me that the reason we celebrate Christmas is because “Jesus died for us.” I smiled and nodded, allowing him his personal beliefs while disagreeing with every fiber of my being.

What I always learned and what is true for me is that we celebrate Christmas, not because of Jesus’ death, but because of his birth. Isn’t that why we decorate with nativity sets and sing songs of joy?  Never do we sing about Jesus’ suffering and death on Christmas. Instead, we sing only about his birth – and the great miracle that Mary and Joseph agreed to bring forth in the birth of their son.

I do not believe that Jesus came into the world to die. Neither do I believe his suffering and death was for the sake of our sins, or the forgiveness of our sins. First off, to believe this, I would have to believe that there is such a thing as sin from which we need God’s forgiveness.  If God truly loves us without condition, then what is there to forgive? Yes, we need to forgive ourselves of the shame brought forth from our non-loving actions and we need to do the work of healing from the non-loving actions done to us by others, but nowhere in this do I believe God standing in judgment or condemnation.

Christmas, to me, should be a time of celebration – a time to give honor to a man (and the loving people around him that helped to form him) who came to know his own Oneness with God and in that Oneness, came to know peace. This man, then went on to teach others “the way” to this Union. This was the Truth about which Jesus taught and by which he lived his own life.

It is this Truth that we celebrate on Christmas – the Light that sets us free from the suffering and fear that are the consequences of choosing the human condition. In choosing this Light we are able to navigate the horrors and tribulations of the human experience and still find peace. When we are disturbed by the terrors of this world, through this Light we can see beyond the limitations of our fears and into God’s greater plan, and maybe find comfort. Through this Light we are able to be compassion and mercy for ourselves, and for others. We are able to exercise kindness, understanding, and to celebrate the great diversity of all that God has made.

These are my prayers for you as you celebrate Christmas (or whatever you celebrate this blessed season): That you too may know Love, experience the Light, embody Truth, and like Jesus, become a beacon of Peace and Kindness in a world in such desperate need.


Into the Wilderness supports you in unraveling and healing from the conditioning that taught you to believe in sin, and that God’s love has to be earned or could be taken away.

  • Heal from shame.
  • Learn how “sin” is merely a symptom of something deeper in need of healing.
  • Learn to love yourself.

Being Love in a Divided World

We live in a divided world. Divided by gender, sexual orientation, race, nationality, religion, and politics – to name a few. When viewed as sacred differences that make each of us uniquely special, these differences serve us. When treated as something to be judged or feared, these divisions cause us harm, leading to prejudice, hatred, violence, and war.

Our differences are meant to be our gifts, instead humanity has turned them into the cause of hate. Hatred, however, is a choice. We can continue to choose hate, which leads to the devolution of humanity, and our eventual extinction; or we can choose Love and be witness to and participants in the grand evolution of human consciousness which would lead to all kinds of miracles – the likes of which we can hardly begin to imagine.

I choose Love.

Choosing Love, however, is no simple task. In fact, it has taken me a lifetime to even come close to being the Love that I truly want to be in the world. My version of Being Love is by no means perfect. There are people I continue to despise. There are experiences and situations that hurl me into a rage. There are times I want to say or do the unkind thing. I’m still human after all.  I don’t, however, act on the surface feelings of my unhealed wounds, neither do I purposefully cause harm. Choosing Love is a moment by moment task.

Choosing Love is also a lifetime process. This process begins by learning to identify every obstacle in front of, and within us, to love. Then we are invited to enter into the arduous task of clearing those obstacles. Sometimes these obstacles are the result of human conditioning – the ways in which we were taught to be and act in our family systems, our communities, our culture, our society, our world. Sometimes identifying our conditioning is simple and the choice to move past that conditioning is easy. Other times, it can be quite complicated as our conditioning is often subtle, even unconscious.

Beyond conditioning, the obstacles to love are all the places within us where we have been wounded. These wounds include times were felt betrayed, where our needs were ignored or denied, where we were criticized or condemned for who we are, where we felt unloved or were treated in non-loving ways. These wounds include past abuse, rejection, and times our love was met with hate. These unhealed wounds are, in turn, the cause of our own non-loving behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs.

Division is a choice.  So too is Love. Choosing Love begins by choosing Love for ourselves, and doing to the deep and challenging work of healing the inner obstacles to knowing and being that Love. As we transform ourselves, we are more free to be Love and being that Love plants the seeds of inspiration for others to do the same. When we are faced with Division, Choose Love. When challenged by hate, choose Love. When our unhealed wounds are triggered by the unhealed wounds of another, choose the loving thing and heal our wounds.

As our world appears to be increasingly divided, we can choose to participate in that division, or we can choose to Be Love.

I choose Love.


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She Abides

Several years ago, my youngest sister gifted me with a large wall-handing made of weathered wood and carved with a feather and the word abide. I had a sense of what abide meant, but I wanted to be sure, so I looked up the meaning. Merriam-Webster provided me with several options:

ato bear patiently tolerate

bto endure without yielding withstand

cto wait for await

Today, I find myself again reflecting on the word abide and it perfectly describes where I find myself at this stage of my personal journey, especially in relationship to the outside world.

Today, I abide. I sit in quiet observation of the unfolding of humanity’s journey – knowing there is nothing I can do to change that which I find intolerable – things like hatred, division, and all the various isms. I endure the horrors I watch unfolding while refusing to yield my inner peace to things outside of my control and turning to my inner practice when the violence and hatred becomes too much for my sensitive nature.  I wait in hope that this time, humanity will get it right, while knowing they may not, and preparing myself for the worst.

Being able to abide requires a certain measure of inner strength and wisdom. Wisdom wrought through years of seeking and failing to facilitate change in the tide of humanity’s fate. Strength gained through the multitude of rejections I have faced along the way. Humanity doesn’t care much for change-makers. The institutions who benefit from the status quo, welcome change-makers even less.

Abiding doesn’t mean I’m giving up my visionary gifts or the impulse to support the healing and transformation of humanity. Abiding simply recognizes that now may not be the time.

So, I wait. I wait and watch. I hold on to hope without clinging to expectations. I have stepped aside, providing space in which humanity can walk its journey without interference or distractions. I abide in the contentment and peace I have so diligently cultivated awaiting the moment my gifts might be welcome, knowing they may never be. I abide in the reminder that the only one I can save is myself while providing an example that others may one day choose for themselves – and that the choice is up to them.

What Privilege Taught Me to Believe

and how those beliefs were undone

I didn’t grow up wealthy, but I did grow up privileged. I was born white to middle class parents, raised in a predominantly white third-generation neighborhood of white-collar professionals and tradesmen. In most of the homes around us, the men worked, and the mothers stayed home. The children were feral and unsupervised, only because everyone believed we were safe. We had a roof over our head, three square homecooked meals a day, new clothing (unless you were a younger sibling), and a basement full of toys. We enjoyed piano and dance lessons. Our parents sent us to private school.

Life was good and in that state of perceived safety and abundance, we believed in the promise of “The American Dream” – a good education and hard work was the path to success and the harder you worked, the more successful you would become. We were also taught that welfare was for lazy people and we should judge them and treat them accordingly. There was a clear dividing line between us (hard workers) and them.  And a not-so-subtle dividing line between us (white people) and them (people of color).

All of this happened along side a devout Catholic upbringing. God was the old man in the sky. We were undeserving of God’s love. God’s love had to be earned and could be taken away. And abortion was a mortal sin. We were even invited to join the school’s “Pro-Life” club from whom we would get a bright shiny silver bracelet marking us as “soldiers of Christ” in the war against abortion (this was all on the heels of Roe vs. Wade). As a young adult, I volunteered at a pro-life “clinic” for women facing unexpected pregnancies.

In addition to all of this: we were raised Republican. We were told Republicans were good and were looking out for the good of the people and that Democrats were communists – and that was bad! I remember knock down drag ‘em out fights between certain family members who (gasp) belonged on different ends of the political spectrum. The Democrats were good people, but clearly delusional – at least that’s what we were led to believe.

In college (YES!  I attended university, which was mostly paid for by my parents – another privilege), I joined a sorority (more privilege), continued attending mass and attended adult faith formation classes. I voted for Ronald Reagan, and later, for George H. W. Bush.

Other than being a brunette, I was the stereotypical white girl of privilege.

But then, life happened.

My previous stance on abortion was the first thing to go. In the volunteer position, I witnessed first-hand the violent tactics often used by the Pro-life movement in dissuading women from seeking an abortion. There was no compassion shown, only judgment, accompanied by violent and graphic images of late-term abortions. There was a reason I wasn’t allowed into the “counseling” room at the clinic. Additionally, with over 40% of pregnancies being unplanned, I was bound to eventually meet a young woman, likely a friend, who would have to face a sometimes-difficult choice. As statistics would have it – I did – come to know of several friends who at one time had to face an unplanned pregnancy. Further, I knew of several who had no choice but to seek the termination of the pregnancy for medical issues related to either the baby, or their own survival. Abortion, it turned out, wasn’t so black and white.  How could I judge a woman (or a couple) who was having to face the most difficult decision of their life – one that would stay with them their whole life. The decision to terminate a pregnancy (no matter what the circumstances) is a wound that does not heal.  It changes, but the pain will always be there on some level. Compassion told me to put myself in the others’ shoes and support them through a very difficult decision. And to understand that at any point, I could find myself in a similar position forced to make a similar difficult choice.

The second thing that went was my belief in the American Dream. The first of this leaving happened in my own professional journey. Sheepskin in hand, I went out looking for work. And this is a FACT – not once in my 40 years of being in the post-college workforce have I made more than $26,000 per year.  NEVER.  Not once.  This was not for lack of effort, work, skills, or abilities. Now at a ripe almost 60, it is not for lack of education, experience, or expertise. The universe has imposed some sort of invisible ceiling between myself and money – never even surpassing (which was also the big privileged promise) the salary of my father.

Hard work and a college education, as it turns out, is NOT a guaranteed path to wealth.

No matter how much someone else wants to tell you otherwise.

Then I experienced poverty. Thankfully not poverty of the sort that far too many suffer, but I have faced an enduring period of financial struggle – the likes of which has had me utilizing some of those so-called “communist” programs. I have received rental assistance and energy assistance. I qualified for Food Stamps and could have been using the Food Pantry (I chose to use neither, but at a grave consequence to me financially – eventually leading to bankruptcy). I have enjoyed the profound benefits of the Affordable Healthcare Act – in fact, my life depends on it. Finally, I am on an income-based repayment plan for my graduate school student loans (if anyone wants to argue with me about student loan forgiveness, DON’T!!!!!  I will direct you straight to Matt Taibbi and his expose’ on the criminal nature of the student loan industry!!!!!) 

Beyond my own personal experience, I have witnessed hundreds, if not thousands struggling with similar or much worse circumstances. I have seen, through clear eyes, that the so-called “American Dream” is a lie and that there are, indeed, systemic obstacles to Americans realizing that dream. This fact of reality breaks my heart and inspires me to share my own journey beyond the lies that come with privilege.

As it relates to Catholicism.  This may be the biggest irony of them all. I have always been a woman of faith (whatever that means). I was a devout Catholic until the local Church made it clear I was no longer welcome. Jesus is my teacher and Mary Magdalene has become a guide. I sometimes pray the rosary and turn to Michael the Archangel in times of anxiety. I cherish my Catholic upbringing – for good and bad – but mostly, for what I learned about social justice:

Jesus calls us to love.  Period. And he was quite clear about what love looked like:

  • Judge not lest ye be judged.
  • Love your neighbor as yourself.
  • Everyone is your neighbor.
  • Welcome immigrants and foreigners.
  • Feed the hungry.
  • Set prisoners and captives free.
  • Clothe the naked.
  • Heal the sick.
  • Give sight to the blind.
  • Welcome “the other” to your table.
  • If someone asks for your cloak, give them your shirt as well.
  • Love one another.  Period.

As it turns out, it is my faith that has called me to depart from the politics in which I was once immersed and toward a political stance that supports the needs of the all. As my own life has shown me, even privilege does not guarantee that life will provide us with what we need. It has also shown me that by our own efforts, our own needs may not necessarily be met. There’s a little story in scripture that seems to provide a solution to this quandary:

All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. (Acts 2: 44-45)

If a sharing among the common good was good enough for Jesus and his earliest disciples, then it’s good enough for me. This is what love has taught me.

Impeccability

In a world filled with false prophets, impostors, self-appointed gurus, charlatans, snake-oil salespeople, and millionaire pastors, it is imperative that we become ever-more vigilant with our own impeccability. Millions of people are starving for guidance and direction, answers to life’s unanswerable questions, and comfort from the terrors of this world. There are equally many who are happy to provide people with what they want. Many of these are of integrity, educated and trained in what they provide, responsible and careful in that provision, and accountable to the established ethics of their field. Some are not.

Impeccability is about more than just our word. It is about what we say, how we say it, what we mean by it, the authority behind it, our education and training, to whom we are accountable, and on what we base our word. Let me provide an example from the world of the Magdalene.

Since the early 90’s, literally hundreds of so-called authorities on The Magdalene have made themselves known. Some are academic scholars providing the findings of research that has been examined under the rigors of peer-review. Some are historians who have embarked on a treasure hunt seeking out clues to the Magdalene legends as they were handed down through folklore, art, cultural traditions, and monuments created in her name. Some are the holders of oral traditions that have been handed down for thousands of years. Some receive their knowledge through dreams, visions, intuitive guidance, and their creative imaginations. Others are just making shit up.

The Magdalene field has become as vast as it is deep. There is something in this field for everyone. Something for those simply seeking entertainment. Something for the scholars and academics. Something for the new age community. Something for the witches and goddess worshippers. Something for those looking for an outside perceived authority to tell them what is true and what to believe. Something for those who simply want someone to blow smoke up their ass, telling them what they want to hear. There is now a Magdalene for everyone. This does NOT mean that every Magdalene is authentic or true. As I posted on Facebook the other day:

Someone, apparently didn’t like what I posted, thinking I was throwing shade. Well….maybe I was throwing a little shade….but here’s my come-from as it relates to the Magdalene and by association, impeccability:

In my Magdalene work, for example, I do my best to be clear. “This is based on scholarship….this is a work of fiction…this came through my intuition/creative imagination…I completely made this up but I would love for it to be true.” I’m also careful to identify my resources, remaining as close to authentic scholarship where possible and explaining where these resources reside in the spectrum of verifiable fact, theory, or simply oral tradition or legend. I’m admittedly a stickler for scholarship that is soundly rooted in the scientific method.

When we are clear about our come-from, then people know how to take the resources, guidance, and support we provide for them and apply them (or not) in their lives. This is true whether it be about the Magdalene, spiritual direction, counseling, healing, or just giving advice as it relates to our mutual fields of expertise. I believe this is especially important, critical even, when we present ourselves as teachers, guides, or healers for others.

We must be impeccable about what we are offering and how it is to be used and received. If we aren’t doing this, people could actually be harmed. As I said before, there are millions of vulnerable people looking for comfort and guidance and our job is not to enable them or take advantage of their vulnerability.  Our job is to empower them.  We can’t do this if we aren’t impeccable with our words, our motivations, our source of knowledge, and our actions.

Living Monastic

As an unmarried adult woman of a certain age, living monastic looks a lot differently than how one might imagine. I’m not living in a convent. I haven’t taken vows of chastity, celibacy, or poverty. I don’t wear a habit. I sometimes wear sensible shoes, but only as a matter of comfort, not because it’s dictated by my order. Instead, I’m free to date (if I ever find anyone worthy). I dress as I choose. I earn less than the median income for where I live, but that’s a matter of choice not imposition. I live in a comfortable apartment by myself that I have turned into my personal sanctuary.

Monastic living for me is less about the externals (how things appear from the outside) and more about the ways in which I choose to spend my time and how I choose to be in the world.

Time, for me, is a precious commodity, and one I use wisely. I don’t waste my time on meaningless interactions or the expectations of our culture. Instead, my time is spent in the way in which I want to spend it which starts and ends with silence. As an introvert, I thrive in silence. Silence is my practice. It’s how I tune into myself and Source. Silence is my prayer, my meditation, and my life-blood. Silence is the place I begin each day and to what I return when I find myself disturbed by the world or by my own unhealed wounds. It is in silence that I find comfort, guidance, and healing and often how I share my own gifts like the times I feel called to send healing and love to our broken world. My entire day revolves around this silence and I guard it with my life.

Everything else revolves around that silence including all the doing that must be done in order to exist in this world – managing a household, taking care of chores, grocery shopping, cooking, working to earn a living, (this is the chop wood and carry water part of monastic living), and all the things I do for my own growth and enjoyment – reading, watching TV, writing, spending one on one time with friends, hanging out with my children, doing yoga, and being out in nature.

Also surrounding this silence are all the ways in which I show up in service to humanity – as a spiritual counselor and mentor to others, facilitating classes or groups, officiating at a funeral, and executing my office manager duties at a local ballet studio.  These are just the things that look official – you know, a vehicle for sharing my gifts and for making a living (chop wood carry water).

Beyond these obvious ways of doing is an even deeper showing up for me. This showing up is not about what I DO, but about how I BE. This being includes – being generous, being kind, being thoughtful, being welcoming, being friendly, being gentle, and sometimes being fierce. If I were to give a word to all this being, it would be LOVE – the kind of Love that isn’t all rainbows and unicorns but is sometimes like a shield or a sword – cutting through the bullshit, setting and maintaining boundaries, saying no, and being really really real with the challenges, difficulties, and evils in our world. Sometimes love is delivered in hard truths that some just don’t want to hear, at other times it’s delivered gently, but it is forever and always about love.

Living monastically in the modern world is a personal and counter-cultural choice that I know is not for everyone, but it is 100% for me. Arriving here has been almost sixty years in the making and I’m grateful for all of the experiences that have led me here.