Recently, I’ve been reflecting deeply on the ideas of identity, meaning, and purpose, and I’m beginning to think that the entire purpose of the human journey is to become no one. In western culture, especially, it seems we are conditioned to expect and believe everything BUT this. We’re told we’re special and that there is a mission and purpose to our lives – what some might call “vocation” or “calling.”

I am guilty of preaching and teaching these ideas. From around the age of 26 to just recently, I held fast to these ideas – wanting to believe I was special and that I had something unique and valuable to offer to the world.

Now I’m not so sure.

Oh, the passion and drive were there that propelled me on the path of seeking out purpose and meaning in my life. Indeed, I spent many years believing I had found my mission and my purpose, and I devoted my life to this pursuit. You know what I got in the end? A mountain of debt and nothing to show for the effort. Yeah, I published eleven books and created a curriculum for spiritual development, but none of these produced what our capitalistic society would call success.

Then, the Universe took it all away.

Not really (no one can truly take away the efforts or creations we have brought forth in this life), but kinda (at least it feels that way).

So where do I find myself now?  Working two part-time jobs so I can pay my bills while being mostly invisible to the world, and having ZERO desire to be seen for anything other than this.

I’m not famous. I’m no one’s guru. And my well of creativity has dried up.

Turns out I have nothing more to teach – if indeed I ever did. Perhaps all I learned and attempted to teach was all along, really only for me. For me to arrive at the ultimate destination – unraveling from the temptation of pride so that I might simply live.

There is gift in this. I no longer have to perform. I’m free from having to shout to get people’s attention amid the cacophony of all those trying to be famous in our world. There’s nothing or no one for me to save. I can simply stand back and watch as humanity does what its going to do. I show up for work and I don’t have to worry that my efforts will be for naught (financially). I don’t even have to find meaning in what I’m doing. I can just show up, do my job, and go home. And, I’m almost to the point of feeling certain that my essential needs will be met and that all my bills will get paid.

So much relief, and a mountain of gratitude. Turns out the greatest freedom is in just being me – in the version of me that is no one.