personal growth

Being Gentle with Ourselves

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

It is near impossible to ignore the death throes of the dying empire. We are bombarded with the symptoms every day – often every minute of every day. It is constant and relentless.

What we may forget to heed, however, is the credit we are due for enduring the constant assault on our being – our bodies, minds, and spirits are all suffering from the assault of a world gone mad. Admittedly, “enduring” might be overreach when on most days simply surviving feels like an enormous effort. The fact that you’re reading this, however, tells me that at the very least, you are surviving. Perhaps just by the skin of your teeth – but you’re still here.  That’s the point.

The dying world is not meant to destroy us (though there will be those destroyed by the collapse). It will test and challenge us. In direct opposition to our conditioning, the purpose of the test is not so that we might exert our strength or bolster our will. Instead, the invitation in the face of the dying system is to learn how to be soft. Instead of toughening us, the empire’s collapse is meant to make us more gentle. Gentle with ourselves – and others.

Learning to be gentle starts with ourselves. It begins with a thorough examination of our conditioning and all the ways we were ridiculed, condemned, criticized or rejected for being sensitive, kind, quiet, compassionate, caring, sharing, and gentle. The examination continues by exploring how our conditioning told us how we should be instead: strong, brave, courageous, competitive, tough, bullet-proof, etc. In the world that is dying, we have not been rewarded for being gentle – only for being tough. The new world that we are moving into will reward us for being gentle.

Choosing that new world starts today. Give yourself credit for the suffering you have endured in your life thus far. Acknowledge the losses, betrayals, deceptions, and heartbreaks you have suffered. If you have suffered trauma, offer yourself grace when your past traumas are triggered. Give yourself permission to do nothing, to wallow, to “rot” (as Gen Z’s say). If your panic or fear are triggered and your brain goes numb, allow yourself to check out. Be quiet. Be still.  BE NON-Productive (our value is NOT determined by our productivity – as much as we’ve been told otherwise)!  Defy the capitalistic, patriarchal expectations around striving after achievement, seeking to be known or seen. Popularity does not determine our value!  When you’re feeling sad – be sad. Weep, cry, wail, flail. Do whatever you need to do to be present with your feelings and then take a rest. Nap. Sleep. Read. Listen to music. Take a day or three to do absolutely nothing. Hide under the covers. Retreat into your cave. Walk slowly and gently. Be conscious of your breathing and slow it down. Close your eyes and just listen to the quiet of the universe. Meditate. Pray. Be simple with your meals. No one expects you to be Martha Stewart. Say no to invitations. Don’t buy into the shoulds of holidays. Skip the decorations and the pressure.

And more than any of this – be gentle with yourself. Cease from judging your feelings and just accept them as they are. Don’t condemn yourself for your sensitivity – celebrate it. Hold yourself in gently fierce loving care when you feel like you are falling apart. Be compassionate with yourself when you break down or shut down or dissociate. Don’t measure your day by how you are feeling. If it takes you 3 days or a week to get through a trigger response, then that’s exactly what you needed. Celebrate your willingness to give yourself exactly what you need.

Journeying through the collapse of an empire is an experience like no other. As it’s been several hundred years since the most recent collapse of western civilization, we’re entitled to feel burdened and overwhelmed. We also know from the past that it is not the loud or the brave who survived, but those who knew how to move quietly, slowly, even invisibly, and who more than anything, knew how to be loving toward themselves, gentle and caring toward others. Let this be our invitation as we navigate the death throes – that our gentleness be our salvation.

Perfection vs. Wholeness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

There exists a major flaw in the new age, self-improvement, enlightenment, and ascension industries:

The goal of human development is not perfection.

Instead, it is wholeness.

Wholeness means that we are content and grounded in ourselves “warts and all.” Whereas we may be ever-striving for personal growth, individuation, and self-actualization, we have moved beyond picking apart and shaming ourselves for the inherent imperfections of being human. While self-awareness and personal accountability provide evidence of psychological and emotional maturity, wholeness allows for the fact that mistakes will still occur and that our value is not diminished by those mistakes. Wholeness empowers us to understand that the mind is going to do what the mind is meant to do – which is to keep us safe, and that our thoughts alone have absolutely nothing to do with the events of our lives. We have gained the wisdom in acknowledging that life happens and that we are neither the creator nor the destroyer of our fate. When illness or tragedy strike, we allow ourselves time and space for grieving without the added burden of the shame-based beliefs that these were somehow our fault because of our thinking or punishment for something we did “wrong.”

Wholeness understands that life itself is neutral and free from judgment. Life is not out to get people. Neither does life choose favorites. Each human being is here for their own journey – a journey that really has nothing to do with our own. Wholeness leaves each to their own. This does not mean, however, that in wholeness we don’t judge, condemn, curse, or rage about the actions of another. This is simply us being human. Life doesn’t judge. Humans do.

Wholeness allows for the gritty aspects of our humanness. Whereas we may be actively pursuing a reduction in judgement (of self and others), a decrease in anxiety, a lessening of rage, a dwindling of jealousy, we recognize that we are not here to be perfect, we are here to be human.

As human beings, we are perfectly imperfect. So what if we rage on about the injustices in our world, or hold grudges against those who have harmed us? None of these means we have failed in our desire to ascend, grow in enlightenment, or become self-actualized. In fact, if we can forgive ourselves of our humanness, and take each “mistake” as a lesson, then we have successfully grown in wholeness.

Wholeness, not perfection is the purpose of the human journey. Isn’t it time we shake free of the burden of shame, including that which has been heaped upon us by a self-help industry wrapped up in its own illusions of perfection while denying people of the Love that they already are?

Enriching Your Practice

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The Secular Modern Monastic

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Well, I had planned on presenting this topic in my own words, but as it turns out, Google did a much better job:

A secular modern monastic is a person who lives a life of discipline, prayer, and service within the secular world, without adhering to traditional religious rules like celibacy or cloistered living. These individuals find spiritual fulfillment through practices like meditation, mindfulness, and a commitment to self-improvement or community work, often within the context of their existing family and career lives. This approach emphasizes spiritual practices over religious dogma and is sometimes seen as an alternative to traditional religion for those who still seek a disciplined and purpose-driven life. 

Key characteristics

  • Integration into modern life: 

Rather than leaving society, secular monastics practice their spirituality within it, engaging in daily activities with a monastic mindset. 

  • Focus on self-improvement: 

A common theme is working on oneself, which can include practices like meditation and personal development. 

  • Service-oriented: 

Like traditional monks, secular monastics often engage in acts of service, though their methods are adapted to a modern context. 

  • Community-based: 

Some groups form communities that support each other in their practices and daily lives. 

  • Flexibility: 

These movements are often diverse and flexible, creating their own “rules of life” that are adaptable to a secular framework. 

  • Spiritual practice over dogma: 

The focus is on the practice of prayer, meditation, and contemplation, rather than on religious doctrine or supernatural beliefs. 

With a couple of my own edits, this pretty much sums it up.

The Secular Modern Monastic isn’t an entirely new creation as there have always been individuals outside of traditional monasticism who have felt called to a more gentle, contemplative way of life. The Desert Mothers and Fathers, and the Beguines are two such examples of contemplative people forging their own path – the former in solitude away from society, the latter a community of individuals living their monastic calling in the midst of their everyday lives – connected through their common call.

Monastics have always been with us, and their purpose has always been the same. While sometimes emerging out of a specific religious tradition, their true purpose transcends belief or doctrine. Instead, they – WE are here to show humanity another way. We are here to show humanity a way out of the imprisonment of the human condition – one that is most often ruled by fear and producing non-loving behaviors that arise out of that fear. Fear is ultimately what compels humans to be gluttonous, selfish, greedy, envious, slothful, vengeful, and vain. Out of their spiritual practice and journey of self-discovery and improvement, secular monastics have learned to transform their fear, coming more and more fully to understand their original nature as Love. Love then, rather than fear, becomes the guiding force of their life which allows them to escape the mechanisms of fear used by the overriding culture.

Modern secular monastics defy the status quo. We are immune to the ministrations of the ruling system of power and control. Not only do we not fit into the system, it is nearly impossible for us to dwell within it. It is for this reason that many find themselves outside the system.

In those newly discovering their monastic calling, the question of community will often surface. As one client has frequently asked, “where do we go?” The answer is simple – we go within. In my experience, there are no formal communities that can hold the secular modern monastic. Instead, we are invited to let community redefine itself. For me, the answer to the question of community is simple: Community has found me. This community is made up of a random and unrelated group of individuals who have all gathered around a specific intention – to be a force of Love in the world. I count among this community my biological family, friends, former and existing clients and students. Some live near me, but the vast majority are scattered around the world doing their own thing and shining their own light. What is common among them is that they are somehow connected to me (I know, weird).

Ultimately, there is no one specific form of secular modern monasticism.  When we allow it, it takes on the exact form that we need – a form that we may never have expected.

Not Your Celebrity’s Kabbalah

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Welcome to the official launch of my newly revisioned Order of Melchizedek Training!  This is a training that has been around for awhile, but which needed to be reconfigured – certain courses removed, and others added. Additionally, as times have changed, so too have the images related to this intensive training program. Without further ado, let me introduce you to the newly envisioned Magdalene Order of Melchizedek – the primordial tradition of mysticism and magic.

In short, the Magdalene Order of Melchizedek training is a comprehensive and intensive dive into the most ancient systems of personal growth and transformation which later influenced and inspired Hebrew, Gnostic, Coptic, Orthodox, and Christian schools of mysticism. Whereas these ancient systems bear no identifiable origin or name, they have been most clearly articulated through the Jewish Kabbalah.

The Magdalene Order of Melchizedek, however, is not your celebrity’s Kabbalah. This training bears no resemblance to the “red string” Kabbalah that has been lauded by pop stars and the Hollywood elite. We do not promise wealth, outside power, or fame.  

Neither is this training an attempt to appropriate the closely guarded Jewish mystical schools. As I am neither Jewish, nor have I studied with modern Jewish masters, it would not be appropriate for me to claim knowledge of their methods.

Instead, drawing from (as close to as possible) original source material and incorporating my lifetime(s) of cross-cultural mystical and theological studies, this training gets to the heart of the mystical intention which is, and has always been – UNION. Union with Source (that which some might call God), Union with our truest Self (what some might call our “God-self”), and Union with all of Creation.

LOVE is the ultimate goal of this training. LOVE, not of intellect or emotion, but LOVE that is embodied. Embodied Love is arrived at through a thorough and deep process of identifying, healing, and transforming all that is within us that has forgotten we are Love.

To support and facilitate Embodied Love, the Magdalene Order of Melchizedek guides you through ancient symbols, tools, and practices that illuminate the woundedness within us that seeks to be healed, while providing the foundation for healing those wounds. You are additionally supported through one-on-one mentoring.

The Magdalene Order of Melchizedek is not for the faint of heart. Neither is this a shiny object to be claimed. Instead, it is a deeply personal, intimate, and often challenging process for catalyzing change with an eye toward empowerment that endures. As creator and facilitator of this training, I will hold your feet to the fire, while providing comfort and encouragement through that fire. The Magdalene Order of Melchizedek is not a process to do alone, but only in the company of one who has walked that fire before you.

Learn more here

Hell Isn’t All Bad

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Letters from Hell #4

Living in hell isn’t all bad. Hell definitely has its perks:

  1. Living in hell allows us to clearly see the world humanity has created for itself – one that springs forth out of fear and which seeks after power and control in the hopes of mitigating that fear.
  2. Living in hell shows us daily the consequences of this quest for power – greed, gluttony, and the violence that humanity wields in their never-ending quest for MORE.
  3. Hell has been increasingly peeling back the layers of humanity’s corruption and all the lies that have been cultivated to justify injustice.
  4. Hell allows us to see who people truly are, including the lies they continue to tell themselves so they might benefit from the system hell created.
  5. Hell also shows us who we are not.
  6. Every second of every day, hell shows us the system that allows for its survival, along with how to escape that system – if only we would pay attention.

The doorway into hell is the same path by which we can escape. Humanity, as a collective, is not doomed to an eternity in hell. As individuals, we are not condemned to waiting for everyone else to wake up before we can make our own escape. The steps necessary for our escape are simple:

  1. We willing to see the hell-system for what it is – a system that is based on and manipulates us through fear.
  2. Harness the skills of observation required to identify all the seemingly infinite ways in which the system is attempting to manipulate you through fear (or shame).
  3. When you notice the system attempting to trigger your fear/shame – SAY NO!
  4. Instead of giving into the fear, STOP and turn your gaze inward – what is the fear that is being triggered? Where did you first experience this fear/shame?
  5. Engage in the mindfulness/meditation practices that you have for releasing/healing/transforming that fear.
  6. Wash, rinse, repeat.

As the journey into hell was created by a thousand steps, so too is the journey out. Escaping hell is all about identifying every wound, trauma, fear, and past conditioning that ties us to the system, and then unraveling ourselves from them. The journey out of hell is about healing through heightened awareness, and radical personal accountability. The more we see the ways in which the system controls us, the more power we have for making our escape.

Whereas the cacophony of the system wants us to believe otherwise, hell is not what the majority of humanity wants. At our core, most of us yearn for peace. We long for connection. We ache for compassion and kindness. And we’re driven toward justice. To escape hell, we cannot allow the system to convince us otherwise – for humanity is made of Love and it will ultimately be to Love that we will return.

For Support Along the Journey:

2 year training package
Transforming Fears
Self-Awareness
One-on-One support

Rising Above the Chaos

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

As the world as we know it continues in its collapse, there are bound to be times of unbridled chaos:

  • Chaos created by those who stand to lose power.
  • Chaos manifesting as distractions, impulsive actions, and irrational and rash decisions.
  • Chaos instigated as an attempt to control a narrative.
  • Chaos created in the hopes of causing confusion.
  • Chaos as the reaction to above-mentioned chaos by those unable or unwilling to acknowledge their own anxiety and sense of unease in the face of said-chaos.
  • Chaos in the irrational anger, frustration, and impatience that arises in the face of unacknowledged and unmanaged fear.

Human-created chaos and human-reactions to chaos, most simply, are symptoms of the death throes of a world imploding. When the life we have known approaches its end, humans’ initial tendency is to cling to what has been, and that clinging most often manifests in rash attempts to manipulate and control their own dying.

Death, however, cannot be controlled. When a way of being has lived out its usefulness, it comes to a natural end. Nothing can stop it. Neither should one try.

In the face of a dying, however, humans are rarely rational. This is especially true in those who do not know how to acknowledge or manage the natural fears that arise in the face of endings. This unacknowledged and unmanaged anxiety comes out sideways in angry, rash, impulsive, and often irrational actions. These actions can be enormously obvious such as deploying military troops “to help eliminate crime” in areas where crime has already been effectively managed, or as subtle as rudeness or road rage.

No one is immune to the natural fear of endings. We have two choices in the face of these fears: allowing the collective chaos to sweep us away in a storm of our own anxiety and worry, thereby triggering our own responses to fear; or acknowledging the anxiety that we are feeling and employing the tools and resources we have for mitigating and managing fear.

Tools for managing the fears we naturally experience in the face of a dying world (as we know it) include: medication, meditation, movement, music, mindfulness and mindful actions and activities. Mindful activities can include anything from cooking to gardening, hiking, exercise, making love, and more. Really, anything that allows us to rise above, or move beneath the chaos of a world in its death throes works. It doesn’t matter what form our practice takes. What matters is it allows us to be present with our anxiety and move through it so we are no longer a prisoner of our own anxiety, or vulnerable to the fear-driven actions of others; but instead, we are peaceful, content, and safe as the world around us goes up in flames.

How are you rising above or moving below the chaos to find your own place of comfort and safety?

The Big Sorting

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I’m day four into recovering from laparoscopic abdominal surgery and I finally have some energy to put some recent observations of the world and my/our place in it in writing.

This is a strange time. To put it into the simplest of terms, humanity is involved in a massive kind of sorting – the likes of which I’m not sure we’ve ever seen. As is always the case with human beings, but even more so now with the reality of global communication, this sorting is happening on both the micro and macro levels. At the heart of this sorting is the question of choice – are we (individually and as a collective) choosing truth or falsehood.

Between our human conditioning, past woundings, and the collective distribution of falsehoods, the choice is not easy. Making the choice even more challenging is the reality that in the dualistic world in which we’ve been living, success and advancement are often achieved through deception; and because human beings find hype and tabloid delivery entertaining and exciting, it is what most commonly sells.

Truth, on the other hand, doesn’t sell.

Case in point: Since the age of 12, I have been a devoted student of the Magdalene. I have read every scholarly work out there, and studied the research of every scholar. What we can discern as plausible truth about the Magdalene is actually pretty boring. Based on available research, the Magdalene was most likely an ordinary Jewish woman who found herself drawn to a traveling preacher and who became enraptured by his teachings. Ancient texts confirm that she was likely Jesus’ most devoted student and the one who most wholly absorbed his deepest teachings. She was taught in secret because she grasped things the other disciples did not. She was the one chosen to be witness to (maybe even facilitated) Jesus’ resurrection and deliver the news to the other disciples. After Jesus’ resurrection, it is possible that she traveled to share Jesus’ message and teachings of Love. Where she went is under some debate though there are enough local legends to support the possibility that she went to Egypt, France, and possibly Ephesus and less possibly Britain. That is not to say, however, that her disciples didn’t carry her message to these far-flung places. It was said that Mary was intimate with Jesus – but whether that was sexual, or merely a beloved spiritual partnership, we will never know. We will also never know if Mary and Jesus had a child. I’m not opposed to this idea, but there is really nothing to prove it one way or another. Like I said, boring. There’s really nothing special here, which is partly why I suspect the version of the Magdalene that I stand by doesn’t sell. I don’t use flashy words or popular new age terminology in reference to the Magdalene because there is nothing scholarly or academic to support it. Are any of those versions of the Magdalene possible – sure.  But until science proves otherwise, they are not truth.

Which brings me back to my point about the big sorting. Together we are experiencing a time of great sorting, and together, it is our choices which will determine the future course of humanity. Will we continue to be a species living from agreements and systems rooted in falsehoods and deceptions, or will we together be advocates of truth?

My choice is and has always been truth. And believe me, truth has cost me. My commitment to truth makes it impossible for me to fit into the current system. I literally become physically ill when in the company of deceivers, liars, and systems that lie. Everything in me wants to scream when I discover corruption or deception in an institution with which I am affiliated. Repeatedly, I have had to leave institutions behind because of the lies they refuse to see for themselves, or for which they are actually proud. As a result, I have had to stand alone in a little place I’ve carved out for myself. The good news is that where I was once alone, I now find myself surrounded by an increasingly growing network of others who find themselves equally unable to abide by the deception and corruption of the dying world and who want only to stand on the side of truth and love.

I also find myself increasingly aware of those who continue to choose falsehood. This is the personal part of the sorting. This part is difficult. It’s one thing to stand in our own truth, it’s another to watch someone we care for choose deception and falsehood because it benefits them in some way. It’s not our job to change their choice.  All we can do is be witness to their choice. Grieve the disappointment we might feel and let them be.

Here’s the nitty gritty of things. For me, this big sorting is all about witness consciousness.  As it relates to the world, I watch, I observe, I wait. I make note of the deceptions and the way falsehoods are delivered and I observe who buys into them. Equally, I watch for those who see through the deceptions and corruptions to the deeper truths waiting to be revealed. I refrain from challenging, confronting, or pointing out that “the emperor has no clothes,” trusting that the system itself is in its own kind of sorting. Humanity is sorting itself out. On a personal basis, it is observing what and who in my life are rooted in truth and what may not be and deciding how I want to engage with that, or not. At this writing, the sorting is still taking place with no definitive answers about what is staying or what needs to go. I’m also aware that the time for decisions is not yet ripe so I continue to wait and watch. The truth will show itself when its time is right and no sooner than that.

To me, the Magdalene was the one who most wholly absorbed the depth of Jesus’ teachings on Love. These teachings, are ultimately about discovering our own Truth and then moving through the inner obstacles to living that Truth. Abraham Maslow called the fulfillment of that journey “Self-Actualization.” It is for this reason that my Magdalene formation program is about personal growth and self-discovery.

Learn more HERE

Honing Our Witness Practice

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

Being an objective witness to the natural unfolding of the universe without interjecting our own need to control, our unhealed wounds, or our desperate desire to feel safe, is a really difficult task. If we have the ability to read people, events and choices for the likely outcome they will produce, it makes being witness even more challenging.

As one who has almost always been right (I admit a shred of pride in sharing this, but mostly it is a statement of historical fact), it physically hurts me to watch people I care about stepping in a direction that I know will likely cause them harm. Further, it enrages me when I watch liars and charlatans taking advantage of the weak and vulnerable and gaining wealth and notoriety while doing so. As a first-born who developed the defense mechanisms of fixer and protector, I want with my whole soul to intervene. Intervention, I have learned, rarely helps and most often harms. (The exception being life-choices that may be life-threatening.)

Being an objective witness requires that we lay our need to control aside, allowing individuals to make their own choices – no matter how poor those choices might be. The savior in me cringes in even writing this, but it is true. What I am continually reminded of is that each of us is on our own individual journey and who we choose to be and how we choose to follow our path is really nobody else’s business but our own. We are here to learn our own lessons – or not learn them as the case may be.

Instead of reaching out in warning, putting forth a challenge, or getting emotionally worked up over human beings’ choices, we are invited to stand back. Watch. Observe. For me, this includes the additional practice of silencing my inner critic who stands in judgment with arms crossed in self-righteousness.  Further, I find I am invited to acknowledge the strong outward pull of my unhealed wounds of fixer and protector, and draw that pull inward, reminding myself that it is not my job to fix or protect others from their potentially harmful decisions. Sometimes I have to sit on my hands, bite my tongue, and close my eyes, my whole body shaking in effort as I wrestle that former impulse to intervene into stillness.

Being objective witness is not easy, but as my Zen friends would say, “We are all here in our own sit.” It is not my job to interfere with the life-journey of another. The best I can do is use what I see as seeds for my own healing and growth, while giving others the freedom to experience the consequences of their choices and the opportunities for learning that come in those choices. Further, I can share the lessons I’ve learned and the tools I’ve gathered in the event that some might find them helpful.

How are you honing your witness practice?

Being objective witness begins with our own journey of self-awareness and healing. The Authentic Freedom protocol developed by Lauri Ann Lumby is a great place to get started with that healing.

Learn more about Authentic Freedom here and how you can begin that journey.

Letting Life Run Its Course

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

As human beings, we are hard-wired for control. We seek after, grasp, and cling to control in an attempt to make ourselves feel safe. We are especially vigilant in these attempts when life places uncertainty before us.

We are living in uncertain times. We don’t have to look far to see the ways in which the collective human species is grasping after control. Neither do we have to look deep to see the ways in which we, ourselves, are equally seeking after control.

The reality is that control is an illusion and the formula that suggests control equals safety is a bold-faced lie. In fact, the opposite is true: the quicker way to peace and contentment (ie: safety) is to completely let go of control and let life run its course.

Letting go of the compulsion to grasp after control is exactly the posture I am taking at this point in both our collective as well as my own individual journey. This is a posture that demands a bit of trust/faith, but even more so, it requires diligence.

Diligence is the ability to make a commitment and stick with it. Diligence demands discipline and persistence. As an imperfect individual who at times is excruciatingly human, it is easy to fall off course – to lose my sense of commitment and become distracted by externals which attempt to trigger my fears. Self-awareness supports me in knowing when I have strayed from my committed path and lost the inner peace that comes in letting things take their course. Diligence puts me back on the path and leads me back to the peace of letting go.

Let me give you an example from my own life.  At this point in my journey, I am acutely aware of certain things coming to an end (or at the very least dramatically changing). These things provide the financial resources for my basic needs including shelter and food. Interestingly two of these things seem to be ending at exactly the same time. Together they provide for 80% of my current income. YIKES.

In the past, the imminent collapse of income would have freaked me out.  I would have been bombarding the internet with information on my programs and services, hastily applying for jobs, losing sleep over worry, and likely experiencing break-through panic. Yes, I am aware of the anxiety that threatens to shove me off course, but my response to that anxiety is to hold my ground. Life has taught me that when something leaves, it is only creating room for something better to take its place. Life has also taught me that I am being provided for – maybe not through the accumulation of wealth, but through exactly what I need IN THIS MOMENT. While life has called me to be creative, it has never really let me down. I don’t know what will be and I am not being given a glimpse. I do know that I will be ok, and even if I’m not, I will be fine. If nothing else, life has taught me resilience. (as one friend recently said, this is one word I too would like to retire!!!!!)

But, how do I know? How can I be sure? How can I let life take its course when it sometimes looks like complete and utter collapse is pending?

In a word:  PRACTICE. PRACTICE. PRACTICE.

Every moment of every single day is a practice. Are we at peace or in a state of panic or confusion? If the latter, I turn to my practice. When it’s the former, I remain in my practice. Returning again and again and again to the practices that help me maintain peace, equanimity and to meet life from a place of wisdom.

When the shit hits the fan, and I am overwhelmed with life, the world, my own unhealed wounds, I turn within and if that fails, I turn toward (that which some might call) God. Just yesterday, I was begging “God/Self” for relief. Then I asked for healing, letting go of my need to avert the inner pain I was feeling, and let Life/God take its course.

This is how it is with our world. As the world around us writhes in its death throes, seeking to trigger our fears and we are tempted to grasp after control, the only thing we can really do is let the events take their course. When not immersed in the detailed actions of the pretenders in office and the silence of the supposed balances and checks, I see a bigger picture. Something new trying to be born. As this new is coming forth, it is breaking apart the lies upon which the world has been built and showing us where there are kinks in the chain. As the new is coming forth, that which has long basked in their illusion of power and control are freaking out. Their fear of losing power is driving them to grasp, wrestle, tantrum, cling and rage. As we would do for any other toddler, let them rage. As they are not ours to protect or save, we let them tantrum. Eventually, they will either grow tired or destroy themselves. Then there will be room for the emotionally mature grown ups to step in, clear away the debris, and start the building of something new.

In the meantime, it is our job to stand back, allowing Life run it’s course.

Support through Uncertain Times

If you are struggling to maintain peace during these uncertain times, I can help. Through one-on-one mentoring, I can support you with practices that help us to reclaim peace and clear the inner wounds we carry that stand in the way of our knowing peace.

Email: lauri@lauriannlumby.com to learn more.

No. I Can’t Help You

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Confession:  I’m a fixer. Part of being a fixer is a gift. The other part is a defense mechanism and a curse.

The gift part of being a fixer is the ability to see what could be improved in an environment so that it might more successfully thrive. It is also the ability to see what could cause a situation, environment, relationship, etc. to fail and to offer course-corrections that would help to prevent that failure. This improvement-oriented gift has been further developed in me through years of education and experience in a wide range of professional fields. Those who have sought me out for these gifts and applied my guidance have benefitted greatly. I have benefitted by applying these gifts to myself.

The fixer defense mechanism, on the other hand, rises up in me when I feel unsafe in an environment thereby triggering my own survival instinct to seek out ways to restore my feelings of safety. With the energy of hyper-vigilance, I seek out the “wrong” in the environment and then I attempt to fix that wrong. These efforts almost always blow up in my face.

The challenge of being a fixer is that there is no clear line between gift and defense mechanism. Often, these bleed into each other, usually resulting in catastrophe – if not for “the other” then most definitely for me. As a fixer, it is sheer torture watching institutions, individuals, humanity, making the same mistakes over and over and over while refusing to apply the actions that could help them.  Many don’t really want to be helped. Even when they ask for help, they may not really want that help. Most often, they are unwilling to take the necessary actions that would help them.

In the past several years, my “fixer” tendencies have come up for review. Where and how are they helpful? When are they problematic? The answer is complicated, but to put it simply:

  1. When someone invites my professional support and guidance, offer it, but with no attachment to outcome. They may apply it.  They might not.
  2. Identify those who continually ask for support but who really don’t apply it and learn how to disengage. It’s ok to say, “No, I cannot help you.”
  3. If they haven’t asked for my professional support, KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.

The reality is that there are three kinds of people:

  1. those who want help and will do the work to help themselves,
  2. those who say they want help but really don’t,
  3. and those who definitely do not want help.

For my own mental and emotional wellbeing, I have had to learn (and relearn, and learn again) how to tell the difference while also caring for myself when overcome by the frustration and grief that surfaces when witnessing humans walk the path of their own destruction.

(PS: Being a fixer is also a form of co-dependency. Alanon, ACA, and AA principles have proven helpful in healing myself of this pattern. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change….”)

Helping You Help Yourself!

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