Becoming No One

Recently, I’ve been reflecting deeply on the ideas of identity, meaning, and purpose, and I’m beginning to think that the entire purpose of the human journey is to become no one. In western culture, especially, it seems we are conditioned to expect and believe everything BUT this. We’re told we’re special and that there is a mission and purpose to our lives – what some might call “vocation” or “calling.”

I am guilty of preaching and teaching these ideas. From around the age of 26 to just recently, I held fast to these ideas – wanting to believe I was special and that I had something unique and valuable to offer to the world.

Now I’m not so sure.

Oh, the passion and drive were there that propelled me on the path of seeking out purpose and meaning in my life. Indeed, I spent many years believing I had found my mission and my purpose, and I devoted my life to this pursuit. You know what I got in the end? A mountain of debt and nothing to show for the effort. Yeah, I published eleven books and created a curriculum for spiritual development, but none of these produced what our capitalistic society would call success.

Then, the Universe took it all away.

Not really (no one can truly take away the efforts or creations we have brought forth in this life), but kinda (at least it feels that way).

So where do I find myself now?  Working two part-time jobs so I can pay my bills while being mostly invisible to the world, and having ZERO desire to be seen for anything other than this.

I’m not famous. I’m no one’s guru. And my well of creativity has dried up.

Turns out I have nothing more to teach – if indeed I ever did. Perhaps all I learned and attempted to teach was all along, really only for me. For me to arrive at the ultimate destination – unraveling from the temptation of pride so that I might simply live.

There is gift in this. I no longer have to perform. I’m free from having to shout to get people’s attention amid the cacophony of all those trying to be famous in our world. There’s nothing or no one for me to save. I can simply stand back and watch as humanity does what its going to do. I show up for work and I don’t have to worry that my efforts will be for naught (financially). I don’t even have to find meaning in what I’m doing. I can just show up, do my job, and go home. And, I’m almost to the point of feeling certain that my essential needs will be met and that all my bills will get paid.

So much relief, and a mountain of gratitude. Turns out the greatest freedom is in just being me – in the version of me that is no one.

Pride is an Obstacle to Love

As much as Jesus’ teachings have been convoluted by institutional religion, I still consider Jesus to be my teacher, and find profound guidance and wisdom in his words – especially when understood through the lenses of scholarship and Love.

Scholarship provides us with knowledge of the times in which Jesus was living, the social and political environment in which he found himself, and the context in which the authors of scripture were writing. We cannot even begin to understand scripture without sound scholarship.

Love, as we understand it here, is our Source, our Cause, our Purpose, and our Mission – that which some have called God. When we allow ourselves to be fully open to Source/Love, we can see beyond the human constructs and conditioning that have turned Jesus’ words into the cause of division, prejudice, hatred, and pride.

The author of the Book of Proverbs was correct in acknowledging that “pride goeth before the fall (Prov 16:18).”  It has been said that pride is the cause of our separation from God. More accurately, perhaps, we can understand pride as being that which has caused us to forget that we are Love, and in this forgetting, perceiving ourselves as being separate/rejected/forgotten by God. We might also understand pride as being the natural consequence of choosing the human condition and that it is out of pride that our original core spiritual wound arises, and it is out of that wound that all of our fears have arisen (See Authentic Freedom – Claiming a Life of Contentment and Joy for a deeper discussion on this).

Jesus spoke often of pride as an obstacle. Over and over and over, he admonished those in positions of perceived authority for their prideful behaviors. He called them out for drawing attention to themselves, lauding their religious or charitable actions, taking the seats of honor at banquets, putting themselves ahead of or over others, and for all the ways in which they made themselves appear special or better than others.

In contrast to Jesus’ warnings against prideful behaviors, he celebrated humility and acknowledged it as the greatest of human virtues. Over and over again, Jesus notes that “the last will be first,” meaning that it will be the humble who will remember their true nature, live as Love, and experience the contentment, peace, and joy that comes with that knowledge.

Jesus didn’t just preach humility. He embodied it. As Paul said in his letter to the Philippians:

Though he was in the form of God,
he did not regard equality with God
as something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
being born in human likeness.
Being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself,

and became obedient to death,
even death on a cross.

Phil: 2: 6-8

Through Jesus’ spiritual journey, he came to understand himself as One with God and sought to support his companions in coming to understand the same truth. Remembering this Oneness is the “source of eternal life” and the “Kingdom of God” as Jesus explained.  

Equality with God, however, was NOT something Jesus considered of himself, neither did he lead anyone down a path through which they might consider themselves equal to God. Instead, Jesus preached humility – the characteristics of which he described in detail through his teachings and provided by his example – echoed here by St. Paul.