seeking peace

When September Ends

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I’m hoping that what comes through me here today provides some sort of comfort, or at the very least, validation and affirmation for the small community that finds its way here.

September sucked.

I can’t even begin to point at the whys or the hows of it, but September was a truly challenging month, for me, and for many others I know. I would be easy to point our fingers at the obvious – certain political and global events that cast the world into a frenzy. But that’s only on the macro. Closer to home, it seems that every person I know was faced with some sort of bizarre fuckery during the strange month of September.

For me, the strangeness included bizarre human behaviors, out of left-field conflicts, unhealthy people trying to project their unhealed shit on me, and over $600.00 in unexpected expenses.

All of the above is pretty much par for the course, but when I’m draining what little I have of a savings account to cover September’s extra expenses, I find myself in a place of real doubt and fear, and all of my most vulnerable questions resurface.

“Not having enough ($)” really is my core fear and the one that has been the most stubborn lesson for me in this life.

So this morning, as I dared to look at my checking account balance, and felt the visceral fears arise, I did the only thing I know to do:

I prayed.

Then I was led to a few resources that provided comfort and reassurance. In these I was reminded that THIS MOMENT is a temporary thing. THIS MOMENT is not the herald of doom.  Neither is it the object of my fate.

I was also reminded of the strange miracles that happened in the midst of September’s perceived struggles – miracles that arose out of what initially felt like doom. Certain ghosts of my past paid me a visit and, in these visits, old wounds and deep pain resurfaced. But once I was able to identify the theme, the miracle appeared, and a profound reconciliation took place.

This is what happens with struggle when we allow ourselves to BE WITH IT instead of trying to run away. I didn’t run when the ghosts re-emerged. I allowed myself to be with the depth of emotion and the heights of the pain. I sat with it. I raged. I wept. I raged some more.

Same with the money. I see the fear. I am aware of it. I’m fully conscious of the doubts that surface when I’m in the glut – mostly I question my place in this world and what I’m doing “wrong” with this one life I have. But like ghosts, I sit with the fear. I feel it. I pray. I ask for guidance.

This morning the guidance came. Recently, I have included a daily reading of poetry into my practice. This morning, these words from Mary Oliver pierced my anxious mind:

“Going to Walden is not so easy a thing

As a green visit. It is a slow and difficult

Trick of living, and finding it where you are.”

THIS!  We’re all looking for “Walden,” aren’t we? No matter how we define that, we are looking for that place of peace. Thoreau sought it and found it in his time at Walden Pond, but it was not the pond itself that was the source of peace. Thoreau discovered the true source of peace was within him – but he had to get quiet enough to find it. Walden gave him that quiet.

Whereas we are tempted to believe that escaping the hustle and bustle of our everyday life and struggles is what we need to find this peace, Oliver points out that everywhere is Walden. Rather, WE are Walden. What we are seeking is right here, right now, exactly where we are, and whatever is transpiring around us. We just need to be still enough, and willing to FEEL the full extent of our unease, to find it. Peace is where we are – no matter where, what, or how that is.

September comes. September ends. And still our fears remain. We do not, however, need to be the victim of those fears. Allowing ourselves to be with whatever struggles life hands us, while identifying and being with the resulting fears, is ultimately the pathway to peace.

THIS MOMENT is not our fate. Instead, it is the source of our salvation – when we have the courage to be with it….because as is always the case, “this too shall pass.”

What struggles did September bring to you?  How did you find your way through them?

The Magdalene Order of Melchizedek is a 2-year training program providing participants instruction, guidance and support in the deep work of inner liberation.

Learn more here.

The Practice of Non-Interference

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

The world is ruled by letting things take their course.

It cannot be ruled by interfering

(Tao Te Ching Verse 48)

  • The wildfires in California.
  • The genocide in Sudan.
  • The destruction of Gaza and Syria
  • The war in Ukraine
  • The aftermath of Hurricane Helene

These are just a few of the devastatingly destructive experiences that are in the forefront of our minds – all in some way brought about by the actions of human beings. We pray for those affected. We hold them in our thoughts. We wish, and hope, and plead for things to change so that the world might live in peace and humans might be safe from other people’s actions.

When we have the resources and the opportunity and it is within our power to do so, we take action – like my friends with The Beacon Network who have been boots on the ground providing help and support to those areas impacted by Hurricane Helene. Most of the time, and in most cases, however, there is literally nothing we can do. All we can do is stand back and watch these events unfold and perhaps grieve for those affected and hope these devastating experiences never come our way.

Grieving, and hoping, however, do nothing to ease the anxiety we feel over the suffering of others. Whether our anxiety is fear over the possibility that these kinds of events might find their way to us, or empathetic concern for those harmed, the impact is the same. We experience fear, unrest, worry, concern, and maybe even panic. In an attempt to calm our anxiety, we ruminate about all the ways we might protect ourselves from such disasters, how we might help those who have been harmed, we fixate on the terror that those who are facing these horrific events might be feeling. Again, none of this calms our anxiety. In fact, it likely makes it worse.

Fixating on the devastation others are experiencing or creating for themselves helps no one – lease of all ourselves, most of all those affected. All this misplaced worry does is cause us harm and prevents us from being present to what is around us and within our field of influence or control.

We cannot fix it. We cannot solve it. We could have done nothing to prevent it. We cannot save humanity from the devastation brought about by their own actions. As is true each and every day, the only one we can truly save is ourselves – and even that is debatable (when it is our time, it is our time, period!).

Soooooooooo, what do we do when humanity is destroying itself and the world along with them? We get out of the way.

I know!  I know!  I can hear the collective gasp, “How can we just stand back and watch the world go up in flame?”

This is where the wisdom of the ancients provides us some guidance and support:

From Ecclesiastes (3: 1-8):

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

From Jesus (MT 6: 25-27):

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

From HH the Dalai Lama:

“If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can’t be solved, worrying will do no good.”

From the Quran (Surah Al-Imran Ayat 173):

“Sufficient for us is Allah, and [He is] the best Disposer of affairs.”

From the Tao Te Ching (vs 48):

In the pursuit of Tao, every day something is dropped.

Less and less is done

Until non-action is achieved.

When nothing is done, nothing is left undone.

The world is ruled by letting things take their course.

It cannot be ruled by interfering.

In short, the wisdom teachers know through their own personal experience that the closer one draws to Source (God, Tao, Presence, Truth, Love, etc.), the more we are able to meet the reality of the human experience from a place of equanimity. We are able to ride the joy, the sorrow, the celebration, and tragedy without getting caught up in any of it. In the face of tragedy, especially, we experience our initial human and empathetic reaction (anxiety, fear, worry), but we are then able to walk ourselves back and see the tragedy through the wider lens of the human experience and recognize that this too serves a higher purpose. Maybe the tragedy begins to wake people up. Perhaps it calls them into action. Maybe it invites them to make a change in their own life. Or quite possibly, they see it as something over which they have no influence or control, so they are able to let it go and experience the restoration of peace.

As human beings, survival is our first instinct, so it is natural to feel anxiety or worry in the face of devastation. Equally is it natural for our instinctual response to drive us to seek out ways to keep ourselves safe. It is wisdom, however, that allows us to move beyond those initial instinctual reactions and ask ourselves over what we actually have influence or control. If nothing, then the invitation is to let it go, trusting the natural unfolding of the human experience while turning back to ourselves which in truth is the only place we can actually know peace.

Into the Wilderness provides a process and protocol to support you in cultivating inner peace, non-attachment, and to heal from the conditioning that drives us to try to interfere in those things that are actually outside of our control.

  • Online course
  • At your own pace
  • Pay what you are able.
Learn more HERE.

Finding Our Way to Peace

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 3 Comments

We are conditioned in this world to look outside of ourselves for the things we need. In some cases, this is rightly so – food, clothing, and shelter for example. But for the things we need most – contentment, joy, love, and peace – we can only find these within.

Finding our way to peace is solely an inside job. Whereas we may be freer to access the peace that resides within us through a change in the external circumstances of our lives, it is only from within that we can find and deepen that peace. It is also in cultivating our own inner peace that we are able to access the inner resources we need to discern our readiness and make external change when called for.

While peace may only be found within, we continue to seek outside for that peace. We wait and hope for the world and the people around us to change so that we might know peace. We cast our gaze outward for evidence of the manifestation of our prayers for peace. We sit in expectation for the day in which our prayers for peace will be made real.

But the truth remains – those who do not know inner peace cannot be a part of manifesting peace on earth. Conflict and war exist because human beings are not at peace. If human beings knew peace within themselves, then there would no longer be hardship, hunger, poverty, homelessness, or war and the needs of every human being would be met – not just so they might survive, but so they might thrive.

Our own search for peace, however, does not depend on any other human knowing peace. Neither can any other human being infringe on our ability to dwell within (or at least return to) that deep well of inner peace. Our peace is independent of any one else’s peace or lack thereof. We are the sole creator of our own peace.

Creating that peace, however, doesn’t happen overnight. Neither is it a simple task. In order to know the peace that dwells within and to know it even more deeply, we must embark on a deep and arduous journey of inner work.

First, we must create the space in our lives through which we might glimpse this peace. For me, this is my daily spiritual practice. We must create the time and space for our practice and remain diligent and persistent in it.

Then we need Grace. I cannot say how it will happen for you, but for me, Grace arrived in the midst of my practice and showed me a glimpse into my Union with Source. In this experience, everything fell away except for the light of this Union. In this I experienced contentment beyond understanding. This moment of Grace was but a moment, but through that one encounter I have remained motivated to keep going.

The “going” is the arduous part of the journey. The journey becomes our practice and life itself shows us all the places within where we have forgotten Union with Source (what I call “Love”). All comes up for review. The review is ongoing and never-ending. Over and over and in increasingly subtle ways, we come up against all the places where we have forgotten that we are Love – forgetfulness brought forth through our conditioning, past wounds, traumas, etc. In becoming aware of these wounds, we are given an opportunity to heal them. In acknowledging the wounds and inviting their healing, we are again met with Grace, for we are not healing our own wounds, they are being healed for us. Our simple task is to say yes to the healing.

Healing the wounds may be simple, but showing up again and again for them to be healed is not. Our egos and our need to control (a function of the ego) get in the way. We often become impatient with the journey and wonder if it will ever end. It will not – but we must remain diligent, disciplined, and persistent in our task. Yes, we can quit, but as many have discovered, the Universe finds ways to drag us back to the task.

When we are called to know peace, we don’t really have a choice but to continue the search. We continue day in and day out, no matter our mood.  We become angry, frustrated, disheartened, and despairing, but we continue. We continue because our soul will not give us rest, for the rest we ultimately seek can only be found within and the world provides an infinite number of distractions – including the desire for peace in our world.

Human beings will never know peace until we find our own peace within – and that peace begins with me.

Now say this to yourself: “That Peace Begins with Me,” then find and be that peace.

The journey toward peace begins with a single step: starting and maintaining a spiritual practice.

In this course, you will learn what a spiritual practice is, dispel myths around meditation, and be instructed in a myriad of spiritual practices so that you might find the one or two that speak to you and begin your practice.

Learn more and enroll here.

There Are No Shortcuts!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

On the journey toward self-realization, self-actualization, wholeness (whatever word you use for this), there are no shortcuts. And yet, I am continually confronted by those who refuse to do the work. 

  • They become bored and disinterested.
  • The work turns out to be “too hard.”
  • They are unwilling to let go of the things blocking their journey.
  • They bail out the first time their ego attachments are challenged.
  • They cling to their victimhood.
  • They give up the work in favor of shiny objects and false promises.
  • They think they can just think the right thoughts and become self-actualized.
  • They believe a gratitude practice alone will make them whole.
  • They believe they are already enlightened.
  • They think the journey ends with ascension.
  • They find every way to escape the real work by focusing on surface practices only.
  • When the journey doesn’t make them rich, bring them fame or glory, or bring the man/woman of their dreams, they become disinterested and walk away.

The journey of self-actualization has absolutely nothing to do with anything outside of us. It has everything to do with what is within. And it takes work.  HARD WORK. There are no shortcuts!

We cannot “Lala” our way to self-actualization. In fact, spiritual bypass guarantees the journey will fail. As the Buddhists say, “What we resist will persist.”  The more we resist the inherent drive to evolve and become whole, the more we will suffer because of it. The more we ignore the deep healing work that is required to become whole, the more we will suffer.  The more we ignore the inner obstacles to our freedom, the greater our suffering will be. This suffering, I have found, is more difficult than simply doing the work. We can suffer a life of quiet desperation, or uncover the inner peace, contentment, fulfillment, and joy that is inherent within us through the journey of self-realization.

The obstacles to self-actualization are many:

  • Unhealed wounds
  • Past conditioning
  • Ego-attachments
  • Trauma
  • Attachment to the status quo
  • Attachment to material/external results.
  • Anything we have suppressed or repressed.

The seven cardinal compulsions are all manifestations of these obstacles: pride, sloth, greed, envy, wrath, lust (for power), and gluttony.

The journey toward self-actualization invites us to remove these obstacles through deep processes of inner transformation and healing. With every obstacle that is removed, another aspect of our true nature becomes liberated, and we take another step toward the freedom of our original natures.

Jesus spoke of the difficulty of the journey toward self-actualization when he spoke of the narrow gate and the eye of the needle:

“Enter through the narrow gate, for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and those who find it are few in number.” Matthew 7: 13-14

 “Amen, I say to you, it will be difficult for one attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for someone who is attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 19: 23-24

There are no shortcuts! If we truly seek wholeness and the inner fulfillment that comes through the journey of self-actualization we must do the work! 

Supporting Your Journey of Self-Actualization:

Authentic Freedom is a protocol and practice developed by Lauri Ann Lumby which supports you in identifying and then healing the fears that have kept you imprisoned by your past wounding and cultural conditioning.

Through recorded lessons, reading, discussion, mindfulness and creativity practices, you will be given the tools to identify, heal and transform the fears that:

There is not enough.
You are insignificant and have nothing of value to offer the world.
You cannot live as our most authentic selves.
You are not loved (or that love has to be earned or can be taken away).
You are not free to express our truth.
You do not know the truth.
You are alone.

At the end of this course, you will have the tools to support you in the continued liberation from your fears and the conditioning that has placed them there.

Learn more HERE