spiritual bypass

The Dangers of Spiritual By-Pass

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Spiritual bypass can best be described as: “the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks”(Welwood, J. (2000) [1984]. “Between heaven and earth: principles of inner work”. Toward a psychology of awakening: Buddhism, psychotherapy, and the path of personal and spiritual transformation. Boston: Shambhala Publications. pp. 11–21.).

In spiritual bypass, we avoid, ignore, deny, suppress and repress the challenges, difficulties, disappointments, and suffering that are inherent within the human condition.  Spiritual bypass also includes avoidance and denial of the shadow.  The shadow is made up of our unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears and includes all the aspects of ourselves that we have rejected because we have deemed them unacceptable. 

Spiritual bypass takes many forms, but in essence the action is the same – hoping, believing, acting as if we can simply meditate, pray, chant, or positively affirmation our struggles away.  The universal outcome of spiritual bypass is always the same and is best articulated in the Buddhist saying, “What we resist will persist.”  Through spiritual bypass, we are not dealing with, confronting, healing or transforming anything; we are simply sweeping it under the rug. As is true of everything we avoid, deny, ignore, the rug can only hold so much.  The rug will eventually explode and everything we have shoved under it will come out to haunt us.  Even if we are successful in keeping it all under the rug, what we have resisted and ignored will find its way out sideways – usually in non-loving behaviors toward ourselves or others. Often these behaviors become compulsive (ie: addictions), are disproportionate or uncharacteristic of our true nature.   

Some very clear examples of spiritual bypass and the negative consequence of this pattern of behavior includes: the clergy sex abuse crisis, narcissistic behaviors, abuse, co-dependency, homophobia, violence against children, school shootings and other forms of terrorism.  What we resist will persist and what we suppress will find its way out whether we want it to or not.  I would further suggest that we are currently living in a world seriously caught up in its own bypass – ignoring, denying, projecting away the darkness and pretending that it is all ok when in fact it is not!  Societal bypass is exhibited in our divisive culture where many refuse to see the truth that is staring them in the face because it makes them feel uncomfortable (triggering their own unacknowledged anxiety or unhealed fears), or who instead of acknowledging their role in darkness that exists in our society, either ignore it or project the blame onto someone else.  The bottom line is that we cannot meditate, mantra, pray,“beam love,” think good thoughts, repeat positive affirmations, “La La” the darkness away. Until we learn to face our darkness (individually and collectively) we are guilty of bypass and the darkness will not only persist, it will become worse. 

Now, I will wholeheartedly admit that I am not innocent as it relates to spiritual bypass.   I too have ventured down its path.  I will admit that it felt good there – for awhile – but eventually it kicked my ass! I have since learned that the only way out is through.  If we want to be free of our inner fears, unhealed wounds, and perceived imperfections, we have to go deep into them, feel them, wallow in them, and THEN through our spiritual practices, find our way through them.  In this, we are not covering the darkness with the light; neither are we turning the darkness into the light.  Instead, we are finding the light that is already present within the darkness – if only we have the courage to go there.

The work of dealing with our shadow and confronting all that is broken within us is hard!  It requires personal accountability, self-knowledge, courageous honesty, humility, vulnerability, and discipline.  It also requires the understanding and belief that in the overall scheme of things, what we are tempted to call “darkness” is in fact our light.  Within the struggle, suffering, struggles, challenges and all the things we want to deny or reject about our human experience is there to serve the light.  It is within these perceived challenges where we find our greatest gifts. 

Beyond Ascension

Live, Online Course

Wednesdays, March 6,13,20, 2024

6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

Learn more and enroll here

There Are No Shortcuts!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

On the journey toward self-realization, self-actualization, wholeness (whatever word you use for this), there are no shortcuts. And yet, I am continually confronted by those who refuse to do the work. 

  • They become bored and disinterested.
  • The work turns out to be “too hard.”
  • They are unwilling to let go of the things blocking their journey.
  • They bail out the first time their ego attachments are challenged.
  • They cling to their victimhood.
  • They give up the work in favor of shiny objects and false promises.
  • They think they can just think the right thoughts and become self-actualized.
  • They believe a gratitude practice alone will make them whole.
  • They believe they are already enlightened.
  • They think the journey ends with ascension.
  • They find every way to escape the real work by focusing on surface practices only.
  • When the journey doesn’t make them rich, bring them fame or glory, or bring the man/woman of their dreams, they become disinterested and walk away.

The journey of self-actualization has absolutely nothing to do with anything outside of us. It has everything to do with what is within. And it takes work.  HARD WORK. There are no shortcuts!

We cannot “Lala” our way to self-actualization. In fact, spiritual bypass guarantees the journey will fail. As the Buddhists say, “What we resist will persist.”  The more we resist the inherent drive to evolve and become whole, the more we will suffer because of it. The more we ignore the deep healing work that is required to become whole, the more we will suffer.  The more we ignore the inner obstacles to our freedom, the greater our suffering will be. This suffering, I have found, is more difficult than simply doing the work. We can suffer a life of quiet desperation, or uncover the inner peace, contentment, fulfillment, and joy that is inherent within us through the journey of self-realization.

The obstacles to self-actualization are many:

  • Unhealed wounds
  • Past conditioning
  • Ego-attachments
  • Trauma
  • Attachment to the status quo
  • Attachment to material/external results.
  • Anything we have suppressed or repressed.

The seven cardinal compulsions are all manifestations of these obstacles: pride, sloth, greed, envy, wrath, lust (for power), and gluttony.

The journey toward self-actualization invites us to remove these obstacles through deep processes of inner transformation and healing. With every obstacle that is removed, another aspect of our true nature becomes liberated, and we take another step toward the freedom of our original natures.

Jesus spoke of the difficulty of the journey toward self-actualization when he spoke of the narrow gate and the eye of the needle:

“Enter through the narrow gate, for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and those who find it are few in number.” Matthew 7: 13-14

 “Amen, I say to you, it will be difficult for one attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for someone who is attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 19: 23-24

There are no shortcuts! If we truly seek wholeness and the inner fulfillment that comes through the journey of self-actualization we must do the work! 

Supporting Your Journey of Self-Actualization:

Authentic Freedom is a protocol and practice developed by Lauri Ann Lumby which supports you in identifying and then healing the fears that have kept you imprisoned by your past wounding and cultural conditioning.

Through recorded lessons, reading, discussion, mindfulness and creativity practices, you will be given the tools to identify, heal and transform the fears that:

There is not enough.
You are insignificant and have nothing of value to offer the world.
You cannot live as our most authentic selves.
You are not loved (or that love has to be earned or can be taken away).
You are not free to express our truth.
You do not know the truth.
You are alone.

At the end of this course, you will have the tools to support you in the continued liberation from your fears and the conditioning that has placed them there.

Learn more HERE

The Dangers of Spiritual Bypass

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Spiritual bypass can best be described as: “the tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks”

(Welwood, J. (2000) [1984]. “Between heaven and earth: principles of inner work”. Toward a psychology of awakening: Buddhism, psychotherapy, and the path of personal and spiritual transformation. Boston: Shambhala Publications. pp. 11–21.).

In spiritual bypass, we avoid, ignore, deny, suppress and repress the challenges, difficulties, disappointments, and suffering that are inherent within the human condition.  Spiritual bypass also includes avoidance and denial of the shadow.  The shadow is made up of our unhealed wounds, unacknowledged fears and includes all the aspects of ourselves that we have rejected because we have deemed them unacceptable. 

Spiritual bypass takes many forms, but in essence the action is the same – hoping, believing, acting as if we can simply meditate, pray, chant, or positively affirmation our struggles away.  The universal outcome of spiritual bypass is always the same and is best articulated in the Buddhist saying, “What we resist will persist.”  Through spiritual bypass, we are not dealing with, confronting, healing or transforming anything; we are simply sweeping it under the rug. As is true of everything we avoid, deny, ignore, the rug can only hold so much.  The rug will eventually explode and everything we have shoved under it will come out to haunt us.  Even if we are successful in keeping it all under the rug, what we have resisted and ignored will find its way out sideways – usually in non-loving behaviors toward ourselves or others. Often these behaviors become compulsive (ie: addictions), are disproportionate or uncharacteristic of our true nature.   

Some very clear examples of spiritual bypass and the negative consequence of this pattern of behavior includes: the clergy sex abuse crisis, narcissistic behaviors, abuse, co-dependency, homophobia, violence against children, school shootings and other forms of terrorism.  What we resist will persist and what we suppress will find its way out whether we want it to or not.  I would further suggest that we are currently living in a world seriously caught up in its own bypass – ignoring, denying, projecting away the darkness and pretending that it is all ok when in fact it is not!  Societal bypass is exhibited in our divisive culture where many refuse to see the truth that is staring them in the face because it makes them feel uncomfortable (triggering their own unacknowledged anxiety or unhealed fears), or who instead of acknowledging their role in darkness that exists in our society, either ignore it or project the blame onto someone else.  The bottom line is that we cannot meditate, mantra, pray, “beam love,” think good thoughts, repeat positive affirmations, “La La” the darkness away. Until we learn to face our darkness (individually and collectively) we are guilty of bypass and the darkness will not only persist, it will become worse. 

Now, I will wholeheartedly admit that I am not innocent as it relates to spiritual bypass.   I too have ventured down its path.  I will admit that it felt good there – for awhile – but eventually it kicked my ass! I have since learned that the only way out is through.  If we want to be free of our inner fears, unhealed wounds, and perceived imperfections, we have to go deep into them, feel them, wallow in them, and THEN through our spiritual practices, find our way through them.  In this, we are not covering the darkness with the light; neither are we turning the darkness into the light.  Instead, we are finding the light that is already present within the darkness – if only we have the courage to go there.

The work of dealing with our shadow and confronting all that is broken within us is hard!  It requires personal accountability, self-knowledge, courageous honesty, humility, vulnerability, and discipline.  It also requires the understanding and belief that in the overall scheme of things, what we are tempted to call “darkness” is in fact our light.  Within the struggle, suffering, struggles, challenges and all the things we want to deny or reject about our human experience is there to serve the light.  It is within these perceived challenges where we find our greatest gifts. 

Confronting Shadow

Both Overcoming Obstacles and our Enneagram Intensive support you in identifying and transforming your shadow. These courses are not about by-pass, they are about confronting, passing into, and through. Click on the images below to learn more.