As I read through the comments on Sunday’s blog, the energy and words I heard were, “always on the verge of tears.” I heard these words as true for me, and wondered if it has also been true for others.

I believe we have a lot to cry about.

As one who has been on the forefront of the human consciousness evolution, calling myself (among other things): lightworker, shadow worker, depth worker, healer, guide, prophet, witch, and starseed, I have been both witness to and participant in what many have called (incorrectly) ascension.

To put it in simple terms: I have felt a calling and a drive to be part of a movement to provide humanity with the healing it needs to live more fully from love and less from a place of fear. Since 1994, this work has consumed me.

It’s been a bittersweet journey. I’ve seen the benefit of deep inner work within myself, in my ability to parent my children, in my work with clients and in conversations with friends and collaborators. I have found a community of people in Oshkosh, and beyond, who are involved in similar and complementary work. I have established an online community of a few who are equally committed to being love in the world for the sake of the betterment of the human experience. I am connected with hundreds of people online who are committed to this kind of work through their own unique gifts.

And yet….I find myself weary. I know many others who have also grown weary.

Human beings are a stubborn lot. Firmly attached to the status quo. Resistant to change. Often seeing change-makers and visionaries as the enemies, leading some to resist that change through violence. It seems humanity would prefer to live in a world of hatred and fear than to do the deep inner work of healing that which causes them to be non-loving toward themselves and others.

Remember when this work was supposed to be completed by 2012?  (insert hysterical sarcastic laughter) How we find ourselves approaching the end of 2024 and not much has changed. Human beings are still making war and solving conflicts through threats of violence. Humans continue to be greedy, destructive, and jealous.

In short, humans kinda suck.  It’s why I refuse to claim membership within the human species. I’m not sure what I am, but not one who thrives on being cruel to other human beings. (admittedly, some might consider me cruel – but in reality, I just have really good boundaries!)

When I look at humanity, I feel sad. I’m sad that they would choose hatred over compassion, fear over love, violence over peace. I’m dumbfounded by the dogged clutching after separation, division, prejudice, and discrimination.

Perhaps I wouldn’t be so saddened by humanity’s choice if I hadn’t discovered another way. This “other way” was somehow present in my heart from the moment of my birth/conception. I also found that “other way” in the peace movement of the late 1960’s and early 70’s. I further found it in the social justice work performed by the church in which I was raised. Most acutely I discovered it in Jesus’ teachings – not as they were taught to me from the pulpit, but that which I discovered through my own meditation, prayer, contemplation, and study, additionally reflected in the spiritual teachings of the ancients whose books have fallen into my lap over these very many years.

I know I’m not alone in this. Everyone with whom I have been doing this work, talking about this work, supporting this work, speaks of “another way.” This “other way” came to us. We did the work to be healed by it and to be made more whole. We’ve tried to share it with others. We’ve even provided the resources and tools for human beings to learn to become this love themselves.

And yet…..here we are.

I am weary. I am sad. Pretty much every day I feel on the verge of tears. Tears over what? Not getting my way? Tears over all that I/we have given up to do this work? Crying over the things that could have been had we not been called into this movement of love? Weeping over what others seem to have/enjoy that were never an option for me/us? Tears over the friends, family, clients who feel away over the years? Grief over all those millions who have died simply because humanity refused to set aside their separation and learn how to love?

Indeed.  There is a lot to cry about.

And maybe this is part of the limbo I spoke about. Maybe we need this in-between time to process all we’ve been through. Perhaps we need this time to grieve – to grieve all we personally lost, all we were made to leave behind, all the difficulty and struggle we’ve experienced in choosing love over fear. Grieving all the times we’ve been misunderstood, ignored, ridiculed, condemned. Weeping over the deep loneliness that comes in doing this work.

If indeed we are at the end of something and preparing for something new to take its place, grief is not only predictable but appropriate.

When we feel on the verge of tears, the invitation is to embrace these tears as part of our grieving, and in giving those tears release, allowing healing to take its place. Or if you’re like me and you’re on medication that hinders your ability to cry, find those things that help to bring them on. Yesterday for me, it was watching the “Making of Mary Poppins” documentary on Hulu – the bird lady does it to me every time!