“Do not give what is holy to the dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Mt 7:6)

It has been said that when we have a lesson to learn, we are continually given opportunities to learn it, until we finally get it. Can I be done with this lesson now, please?????

My entire life I have struggled with the issue of giving my “pearls to swine” – attempting to share my gifts, my knowledge, and my expertise with those who have no appreciation for, give no value to, or have even demonstrated contempt for my gifts. Every time I give into temptation and attempt to share my gifts with “swine,” it blows up in my face, The image that surfaces for me of what this “blowing up in my face” feels like is one of me giving a gift and the recipient crumpling it up and throwing it back in my face. (This literally happened to me once, so I know the origin of this image.)

This lesson is an intense struggle for me for several reasons:

1. I want to share my gifts. I almost feel like I can’t help but try to share my gifts. It’s like there is a force within me that is compelled to openly share my gifts. In fact, I believe it is the nature of our gifts to want to be shared.
2. We are taught that our gifts are meant to be shared – freely and without encumbrance.
3. We were also taught that the purpose of our gifts is a) for the sake of our own fulfillment and b) for the betterment of humankind.

With all these forces at work, driving us to seek out, discover, nurture, cultivate and then share our gifts, what are we to do when people show us over and over and over that they have no interest in or use for our gifts, when they literally stomp on our gifts and throw them back in our face?

This is the answer I had been seeking when the words from Matthew’s gospel (above) appeared in my mind like a flashing billboard.

The easy answer is to STOP attempting to use, share, offer, my gifts to those who repeatedly refuse them. That’s just good boundaries (which brings to mind another scripture):

 ^“And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.” (Mt 10:14)

Boundaries are easier said than done when our gifts are bubbling over like a pressure cooker – longing, desiring, and compelled to be put to use. For me, I can’t just turn off my gifts. When I share my gifts and they are openly and gratefully received, I feel a sense of rightness.  There is a sense of reciprocity, and the feeling of a circuit being made complete. When my gifts are not received, or outright rejected, I feel the frustration of the circuit being incomplete, or (as in the case of rejection) as if the plug has been pulled right out of me. Depleted of energy, I collapse.

For me, this collapse is at once physical, emotional, and spiritual. I feel bereft, empty, forsaken, disappointed, even despairing. It would be easy to assume that this collapse is simply an emotional reaction to feeling rejected – like I’m taking it personally. Admittedly, there is a bit of that but not nearly as much as I had felt in the past. Instead, it feels more like the consequence of physics. As in the case of electrical energy, when the plug is pulled, preventing the energy (gifts) to reach its intended destination, the device simply stops working. When energy is prevented from reaching its destination, the energy builds up, pressure increases, and the device implodes upon itself.

I feel that this may be how it is with our gifts. Our gifts are meant to be activated. They are meant to be shared. They are meant to be received so the circuit might be complete. But there will always be those among us with whom we are compelled to share our gifts who are not interested in receiving them or who will wholeheartedly reject them.

Shake the dust off our feet and walk away? Stop trying to share our gifts? Sit on our hands and bite our tongues as the gift inside of us is trying to escape?

Yes. But what do we then do with the energy inside of us that seeks to be fulfilled? And what do we do with the very real sorrow that surfaces when we know our gifts would prove to be of benefit if only they could be received?

Honestly, I do not know. This is the quandary I’ve been sitting with and the prayer I have been offering up to the universe. It’s the prayer that has plagued me as I wonder where are those who are able to receive my gifts and how might I find them? I’ve grown exceedingly tired of swine.