The Devil at the Crossroads

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

The journey toward self-actualization is in fact, one spiritual initiation after another.  Spiritual initiation takes place every time we are faced with an opportunity to remain in the perceived safety and security of what we have known or take another step toward the fulfillment of our life purpose.  The spiritual initiation is successful when we move through the fears and ego attachments that seek to keep us imprisoned within our small selves and away from the expansion we are driven toward by our Soul.  Some of these initiations are small and some are so significantly huge that we soon become aware that we are facing a major crossroad in our life.  It is at these crossroad moments that our spiritual practice becomes even more critical, as does our diligent attention to these practices.

A crossroads occurs when the life we have known has come to an end and the new life has not yet revealed itself.  It is a time ripe with opportunity and danger.  At the crossroads, possibilities seem endless and many opportunities (or twinklings of opportunities) may present themselves.  At this stage, none of these possibilities are yet fully formed, so a decision (or even a discernment) cannot yet be made.  Some of these possibilities will die on the vine.  Some are not in our highest good or reflective of our soul’s purpose and therefore should not be pursued.  And some are just beginning to grow roots so are not yet strong enough to support our unfolding.  For these reasons, pursuing or chasing after possible opportunities prematurely will only end badly.  We will know that the opportunity is not yet ripe if in its pursuit we find it either drawing away, or find ourselves coming up against a brick wall. Instead of requiring effort, opportunities that are ripe and good for the soul will fall into our laps in a miraculous and effortless kind of way.

While the crossroads is ripe with possibility, it is also rife with danger.  This is true for it is at the crossroads where we make our deals with the devil.  At the end of what has been, we are vulnerable and afraid. We have left behind (or are being asked to leave behind) what has been so as to replace it with something that is not yet known.  It is in our human nature to crave surety and to long for “the same.”  When we have neither of these creature comforts, we grow anxious, worried, and fretful.  Often, our first response is to bargain for the old life to be returned.  “Please let me go back to…….(insert relationship, job, home, etc. here)….at least I knew what to expect there.”  But our Soul desires nothing if not growth.  As such, as much as we might want to, we cannot return to that which has already died…or which no longer supports our growth.  (Well….actually we can…..we just end up with a zombie like life along with the constant shame of knowing we are living an unlived life…mind numbing substances and behaviors come in handy here as we try to escape our true feelings about the unlived life we have chosen). 

After bargaining, we must now face the possibilities that lay before us.  Some will be known.  Some will only be twinkles.  And MANY will be the paths which lead us only into the “devil’s trap.”  These are the paths which are ruled by fear and/or which tempt us through our ego attachments.  Those paths ruled by fear are the possibilities that are based in our unhealed and unresolved fears:  fears over money, time, acceptance by others, belonging, etc. etc. etc.  When we choose a path that is ruled by fear (I’m afraid that the path of my Soul won’t make me any money, so I’m going to find a path that insures at least a regular paycheck…..whether or not it has anything to do with my gifts, my mission or my purpose in this life…..), this is the devil’s trap.  The result of choosing this path will only be more fear and a deepening sense of imprisonment.  Those paths ruled by the ego are those which tempt us through our desire for fame, power, control and material wealth…..in other words, “the lifestyles of the rich and famous” – another of the devil’s games.  While fame may be an outcome of pursuing our Soul’s path, this will not be true for all, and the path of our Soul is never driven by our desire for fame. In the quest for the Soul, we must always check our ego at the door.

When we find ourselves at the crossroads we are vulnerable.  We feel insecure and afraid.  The possibilities might seem overwhelming and our fears are running rampant.  The crossroads is the devil’s playground, but it is also the domain of our Soul.  At the crossroads, the Soul is seeking after and longing for its natural movement toward growth and it will not rest until the appropriate path for its growth reveals itself.  Until that happens, the Soul is restless….making us even more vulnerable to the “devil’s trap.” 

At the crossroads, our spiritual practices become even more critical, along with our resilience in the face of temptation and our diligence in tending to these practices.  While at the crossroads we must not act, pursue, chase after or be tempted to make something happen.  Neither should we make any decision based in fear or arising out of the ego.  Instead, there is only ONE THING we can do when standing at the crossroads….and that is WAIT. Wait and watch.  Observe and discern.  And when the waiting and inaction become excruciating (which they will)….we wait some more.  For it is at the crossroad where we endure the greatest of all tests in our spiritual initiation …the test of whether we can wait long enough for the path of our Soul to arrive and the next stage of our life to begin.

Learn more HERE

Soul School Asks You:

  • What are the dreams and passions that inspire you?
  • What gives you a sense of meaning and purpose?
  • What leaves you feeling content and deeply fulfilled?
  • What sets your heart aflame and fills you with joy?
  • What is your unique gift to the world?
  • What is standing in the way of you living the meaningful, fulfilling, joyful, inspired life of your dreams?

Soul School helps you answer these questions and then supports you in overcoming the fears, unhealed wounds, vulnerabilities, past traumas, and conditioning that are keeping you from living a meaningful, joyful, fulfilling, and inspired life!

The Truth That Sets You Free

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

The second lesson from my online course “Overcoming Obstacles with Authentic Freedom.” In this sample lesson from my course, you will learn the ultimate Truth of the human experience, why we are here, and what we are invited to know/remember. Authentic Freedom provides the resources, tools, protocol and platform from healing ourselves of the core wound of separation so that we can remember our true origin in wholeness and love.

As a course participant recently shared:

“Dear Lauri, I have just listened to the 8mins and 44 seconds of your Core Wound lecture. In my view that is the most powerful, succinct, inspiring and clear description of what I have been trying to learn for the last 6 years (and maybe the 30 years before then 😊). Each sentence is a powerful quote on its own, the combination is mind blowing. It is just brilliant and the world needs to hear those 8 minutes. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to experience what I have just experienced. Love and Blessings to you.”

To learn more about Authentic Freedom and our return to wholeness, check out my website at http://www.lauriannlumby.com.

Deservedness is an Ego Trap

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All of my adult life I’d had to endure the platitudes of both the capitalistic and new age/new thought/prosperity gospel/life-coach agendas that base their philosophies on the foundation of the perception of deservedness.  Mantras like:

  • You deserve to get paid what you’re worth.
  • You deserve the things you want.
  • You deserve to enjoy luxuries.
  • You deserve what makes you feel good.
  • You deserve to be recognized for your work and your contributions.
  • You deserve the house and car of your dreams.
  • You deserve that Chanel suit or Vuitton bag.
  • You deserve to be rewarded for how hard you work.

Except for the rights beautifully outlined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (which many would argue we don’t deserve), we don’t deserve shit!

Deservedness, by its definition, is a system of reward (or punishment). For our purposes here, deservedness implies reward proportionate to contribution or work. In and of itself, the idea of deservedness looks benign enough. Work=reward.

In practice, however, the reward is determined by the presiding power system.

The Church, as one such power system, for example has created elaborate formulas for determining reward (or punishment) based on someone’s virtuous acts, or lack thereof. Employers determine wage equal to time put in, further based on supply of workers vs. demand, the perceived value (determined by the power system) of the service provided, and increasingly based on how much of their annual revenue has to go to stockholders and CEO’s.

It could be argued that every single one of these formulas is arbitrary based on the whims of a greedy and power-driven culture. A perfect example of the arbitrariness of the system is a retail clerk at Walgreens making $8.50 per hour with zero benefits while their CEO makes $28million a year plus full benefits. How is it that the person on the ground selling the products Walgreens profits from deserves less than the CEO whose primary job is to wine and dine stockholders? In my mind, NO ONE deserves $28mil a year, or perhaps it’s the retail clerk who deserves that salary and not the CEO!  No one said, however, that I comprehend or even subscribe to the rules of capitalism.

Neither do I ascribe to the ego-based, white privilege inspired philosophies of the New Age/New Thought/Prosperity Gospel/Life Coach communities. To suggest that people are paid proportionate to their work or their perceived gifts betrays ignorance based in privilege. To further suggest that our thoughts dictate the circumstances of our lives reveals the arrogance of one who believes they alone have the power to determine the movement of their lives, including (especially) how much money they have and how they DESERVE to use it. When I look at the success (as defined by capitalism) of those in these communities, what I mostly see is pure, dumb luck – or straight up privilege. It’s easier to become successful in a white, male, dominant capitalistic system when you look the part, obey the rules of that system, and have had the privilege of that system paving your path. Some among these communities bypass accusations of privilege by claiming that what they have is a blessing given to them by God. “God loves them so much that God gave them…..” 

God has absolutely NOTHING to do with what one does or does not have. To claim otherwise is a direct insult to every single person struggling in our world just to survive.

What we have or do not have are simply functions of the human experiment. Whether what we have (as defined by the power system) is more or less has absolutely nothing to do with deservedness. When we have more than what we need for basic survival, what we choose to do with that excess is wholly and completely up to us. If we decide to spend that excess on a Chanel suit, it’s because we wanted it, not because we deserve it. Arguing deservedness over the choices we make in regard to our excess resources, is just another way human beings justify their unconscious shame in doing for themselves while others are going without. When we are at peace with the choices we make around the use of our resources, there is no reason to protest or justify our deservedness because we know that at the end of the day, we don’t deserve shit!

Pay What You’re Able

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Yesterday I was reminded how hesitant people sometimes are to reach out on their own behalf. A long-time client reached out to seek support for a loved one and is planning on paying for the loved one’s sessions. My listed professional rate, however, is currently beyond her means. She did what I wish EVERYONE would do – She asked for a rate reduction which I was happy to provide. I was SOOOOOO glad she asked for support. 

My fees are based on education, experience, and national averages for professional counseling AND I know they are beyond the means of some. As always I would rather someone get the support they need than insist on my listed fees. Having struggled financially myself, I understand!  I have been blessed in my own life with the generosity of service providers who offered me similar professional accommodations. All people need to do is ask me and we will work something out that is fair to both of us.  As many also know, I have offered both classes, and services for free for those who are truly struggling, and have accepted items and services in trade. 

So please, if you are in need of one-on-one support, or are really feeling called to one of my courses or trainings but the fees are currently beyond your means, please reach out and we will negotiate out a price that works for you.   

With love,
Lauri Ann Lumby

lauri@lauriannlumby.com. 

Lauri Ann Lumby, MATP

Since 1994 Lauri Ann Lumby has guided and supported hundreds in the unfolding of their Soul’s calling. She has created and facilitated over thirty courses, published eleven books, and has worked with countless people one on one. 

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Living by Magic

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

My primary influences as a child were Samantha Stevens and Morticia Addams. To my young girl self, they provided a reflection of my truest nature. I saw in them the power of independence and inner authority along with the magic that I knew was in me, despite what the world would say otherwise.
I’ve always known I was magic and that like Samantha, I had the power to bring forth what I needed seemingly by magic. It is only cultural conditioning that has caused me to doubt my magic, or to act in ways compliant with the rules of a world separated from its truest nature.


We are all magic. Magic is a function of our true nature. We are magic because our true nature is Divine. We are the living, breathing, physical manifestations of Source – that which some call God. It is only in our conditioned state of separation that we would believe otherwise.


I’m here to prove this conditioning wrong.


Magic is another word for Love. Divine Love. The Love that is the Source of all. The Love that is the intelligent force of the universe bringing forth infinite expressions of that Love. The Love that lives, and dwells within us and seeks to be known by us and lived in the world through us. The purpose of the human experience is to remember that Love and to experience the inherent magic that comes forth from us when we are aligned with Love.


The even greater truth is that Magic comes forth from us even when we are not aligned with Love. Love operates on a dimension beyond division. As such, even our fears, doubts, unhealed wounds, and past traumas cannot infringe on that which is intended by Love for our life’s unfolding. We are Love experiencing Love’s Self in the world through the unique expression of Love that we are. The greater Love has a vision, a knowledge, a plan as to how this unique expression of self shall be in the world. As such, everything that occurs in our lives is a function and plan of that Love. It is only our conditioned separation that causes us to see it elsewise.


When we are aligned with this Love we are able to see how everything is a part of Love’s unfolding through us.

It is here that we can be witness to Magic. Witnessing our lives through the lens of Magic helps us to see how every disappointment, challenge, loss, heartbreak, betrayal has served a higher purpose. We can see how the suffering in our lives has created opportunities to gather strength and to gain acceptance of our humanness. Suffering also provides us with important lessons in humility and helps us to grow in empathy and compassion for the suffering of others. Viewing our life through the lens of Magic also helps us to see the miracle and wonder in those gifts that seem to come out of thin air. Synchronistic meetings and encounters. Doorways that open to new experiences for learning and growth. Work and creative opportunities that land in our laps. When the right teacher arrives at exactly the right time. When our whole life turns on a dime because of a single conversation, engagement, or introduction. When our poverty suddenly turns to abundance and when our suffering instantaneously turns to joy.


Magic is the true nature of the Universe and I’m grateful for Samantha Stevens and Morticia Addams for showing me that magic and for other teachers who have collectively shown me the way to living by that magic.


“Amen, amen, I say to you,
the one who believes as I do
will also do the works that I do,
and indeed will do even greater ones than these.”
-Jesus

Divinely Ordained

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

The other night I was gifted with a timely dream that provided both a reminder and an invitation.

In the dream, I was preparing to co-preside with two other priests of a different church. Both had already donned their traditional vestments. Not one to go for traditional, I was pulling on a long, black, cardigan made of light weight spandex/cotton. After pulling on the robe, I looked into the mirror and saw that my robe had changed and I was now wearing the garb of the ancient high priests. My first thoughts were of the High Priests of the Jewish tradition, but the robes seemed to predate even those. As I gazed into the mirror, I heard the following words:

“High Priest according to the Order of Melchizedek.”

The Order of Melchizedek is mentioned three times in scripture:

Genesis 14: 17-20:

Melchizedek, the king of Salem, offered bread and wine. As a priest of God Most High,he blessed Abram with these words,

“Blessed be Abram by God Most High,
    Creator of the heavens and the earth.
And blessed be God Most High
    who has delivered your enemy into your hands.”

Then Abram gave him a tithe of all he had taken.

Psalm 110: 3-4

Yours is royal dignity in the day of your birth;
    in holy splendor, before the daystar,
    like the dew, I have begotten you.”[e]
The Lord has sworn,
    and he will not retract his oath:
“You are a priest forever[f]
    according to the order of Melchizedek.”

Hebrews 7: 1-3

This Melchizedek, the king of Salem and a priest of God Most High, met Abraham as he was returning from his defeat of the kings, and he blessed him. Abraham gave him a tenth of everything. His name first means “king of righteousness,” and then “king of Salem,” that is, “king of peace.” Without father, or mother, or genealogy, and without beginning of days or end of life, thus bearing a resemblance to the Son of God, he remains a priest forever. 

The Order of Melchizedek is considered a primordial priesthood, one that predates Judaism, and therefore Christianity, and is a priesthood available to anyone who is thusly ordained. Unlike the modern expressions of priesthood that requires a specific kind of formation, along with a formal ordination ceremony through which one human imparts the ordination onto another (as in Catholic Bishops ordaining Catholic priests), the priesthood in the Order of Melchizedek is divinely ordained. As such, the Order of Melchizedek transcends religion, dogma, doctrine, and belief. Instead, it is an inner calling, revealed over time to those so-called. While formation may establish the foundation upon which this calling may take root, that formation will be unique to each individual and may come formally through an outside guide, or inwardly through our own awakening and depth work.

For several years, I have been aware of this calling.  I have even developed a training program according to my own desire to be formed in and live out this calling.  I was simply led to the resources and tools, embarked upon the study and embodiment myself, and then put it into a form that could be undertaken by others. Even so, I’m still not sure what it means to be a high priest according to the Order of Melchizedek!

The timing of this dream is interesting as I find myself at a crossroads of sorts. I’m not alone in this crossroads as I am aware of many who are facing a similar point of no return. The lives we have lived and known for the past fifteen or more years are coming to an end. Those things that have provided a source of income, supporting (in many cases BARELY) our livelihoods are coming to a natural conclusion. In this, I currently find myself standing in the middle of a completely blank slate. It seems all I’ve known and all the ways I’ve provided for myself and my family have come to an end, and there is absolutely nothing on the horizon. To say I’m at peace with this crossroads would be a lie. It’s terrifying! In my best moments I can relax into trust. In my worst moments I feel lost, forsaken, and defeated.

Enter the dream. What does it mean? What is it heralding, acknowledging, affirming? When I enter deep reflection, I see two things: 1) The conclusion of my 3d mission. 2) Me standing in the 5d world with no idea of what I’m supposed to do or how I’m supposed to be in this new world. This is obviously related to an earlier post about adapting to a new way of being.

Is the High Priesthood according to the Order of Melchizedek the new way of being? What does that even mean?

What I do know is what it DOES NOT mean!  The priesthood that I have felt inwardly calling to me has absolutely nothing to do with what we have known and experienced as priesthood.  My priesthood has nothing to do with hierarchy, power, or privilege. My priesthood is not one of separation where the priest is set apart as special or better. My priesthood doesn’t require special robes, prescribed scriptures, ritual, a name, or even a building. My priesthood would be free of anything that creates and thrives in separation. Instead, my priesthood would be more of a heterarchy (involve relations of interdependence) – an interdependent collaboration of service to one another, each using their own unique gifts for the sake of their own fulfillment and in service to the betterment of the world.  

But how does one live that out? How does one make that happen? As the dream seems to suggest, it’s already happened and is happening. The dream acknowledged the priesthood I have been given and have already been living out. Maybe that was all the dream was saying:

See. This is who you are.  Own it.

Acceptance is an Aspect of Forgiveness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Forgive, but never forget!  And….let go of any idea that what you’re trying to “forgive” will ever completely go away.

Sometimes, we can’t just “let it go.” We can move through the pain and heal it….bit by bit by bit.  With some wounds (betrayals, deceptions, etc.) we can heal from most of the pain. With others, especially those of the deepest and most indelible nature, some of the wound may always remain.

It was once suggested to me by a trusted advisor, that with one wound in particular (that related to me being essentially excommunicated by the Catholic Church) I should just let it go. I’ve given a lot of prayerful consideration to her suggestion. It’s not that I disagree with her. Instead, I recognize that I, alone, do not have the power to be completely free of this wound. How can one be free of a wound where there has never been and will likely never be an apology or closure? I’m not closed to the fact that Grace might step in and I will suddenly find myself free of the hurt, the anger, the disappointment, the betrayal, and the heartache. Grace, however, is not something I can do for myself. I have learned that true Grace only comes from God (our own understanding of that which some might call “God.”)

Instead of placing pressure on myself or entertaining the finger of shame for not being able to “let it go,” I have chosen acceptance.  I accept the invitation to continue the work of healing. I accept responsibility for my part in the healing. I accept the possibility of some miraculous intervention that might fully free me of the wound. I accept the very real possibility that I may never be fully free of this wound and that there will likely be situations, experiences, conversations, TV shows, news articles, social media posts, etc. that might trigger that wound, inviting me into another layer of healing.

Acceptance, I believe, is its own kind of forgiveness. It allows us to hold ourselves in compassion and loving care as we continue to allow the healing, without heaping pressure on ourselves to have to be perfectly healed. Acceptance means tending to the parts over which I have some measure of control, surrendering to that over which I have no control, and being at peace with my current state of being – whatever that may be.

It’s ok to be human and hurting. It is often through our own vulnerability and pain that we are able to be a source of compassionate care toward ourselves and then toward others.

The above is an entry from Lauri’s upcoming book, Unseen – the Memoir of an Invisible Woman. Find Lauri’s other books on Amazon.com HERE.

Live Course! Welcoming the Dark Mother

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Live, online course

Four sessions

Tuesdays, 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

June 6 – 27, 2023

For two-thousand years, we have been led to believe that there was only one God in the Judeo-Christian tradition, and He was white. In truth, the Hebrew tradition in which Jesus was raised, and which later inspired much of Christian belief and practice, has a rich tradition of a Divine Source who is not only male, but also female. For thousands of years, The Mother presided along side The Father, and in many ways preceded Him, and She was black.

In this live, online course, we will have an opportunity to explore the rich history of the Dark Mother in the Hebrew tradition. We will explore four specific emanations of The Dark Mother:

The Shekinah: Source and Presence

Asherah: the Bride

Gevurah: the Fierce Mother

Matronit: the Co-Creative Mother

Each session will include inspirational writings, a spoken lesson, creativity and mindfulness practices including attunements to each of the emanations of The Dark Mother, and discussion.

Learn more and enroll HERE.

Clericalism by Any Other Name…

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Just because one leaves the Catholic Church to become a priest elsewhere doesn’t mean one has escaped the dangers of clericalism. In fact, some of those I have known to take the collar elsewhere have been the most guilty of behaviors consistent with clericalism.

Clericalism:

            a policy of maintaining or increasing the power of a religious hierarchy.

a disordered attitude toward clergy, an excessive deference and an assumption of their

moral superiority

Throughout my life I have felt the call to serve humanity on behalf of the mission of Love. In the Catholic tradition in which I was raised women had two options: become a nun or a lay minister. I chose the latter. After leaving the Catholic Church, priesthood became an option to explore if I was willing to join a different denomination.

Three times I entered discernment into the priesthood through three different denominations. One I chose not to explore further because their theology of sacrament didn’t match my own. The other two, in theory, shared my theology, but in the end, it was clericalism that turned me away.

Clericalism, as I have personally experienced it is a priest (of any gender) who acts as if they are better than, separate from, or in a position of power over those to whom they are called to serve. Clericalism is anything that deems a priest special and better simply by virtue of being a priest.

Fr. David Doyle, my twelfth grade religion teacher, for example, dared to proclaim his ability to go immediately to heaven after he died NO MATTER his state of sinfulness. Even if he had murdered someone he got to go to heaven before us simply by virtue of his ordination.  At least, this is what he claimed. I told him he was wrong.

Some of the behaviors and examples of clericalism are obvious: hierarchical and patriarchal behaviors and attitudes, believing they are God, thinking the rules don’t apply to them, lacking accountability and/or anyone to hold them accountable, hypocrisy, etc.

Others are more subtle: adoration of the collar and priestly vestments, treating women clergy as subservient, giving women clergy lesser positions or less desirable assignments, preaching collaboration while acting autocratically.

In my mind when one is called to serve it is as an equal. I am no different than the people who I am called to serve. I recoil from anything that would seek to set me apart or marks me as different. It is for this reason that even when discerning priesthood, I had no plans to wear a collar, or put on vestments. Jesus didn’t wear vestments. He dressed as the people he served. So when those with whom I was discerning priesthood spoke of their adoration of the collar and “what happens” when they don priestly vestments, I listened more closely! When the man who was discerning priesthood with me and who had invited me to start a community with him made important community decisions behind my back and when I called him out for it and he responded with “why are you always picking on me?” (ie….why are you always holding me accountable), then I got the Fuck out!

Later, I discerned with another denomination. When the Bishop of this denomination denied the fact of declining enrollment and said there was no need to explore alternatives, I had deep questions. When the priest with whom I was discerning priesthood spoke of how I would be working FOR HIM I stopped in my tracks.  Later when I learned that the women deacons in this denomination ARE NOT PAID for the work they do even though they were doing EVERYTHING for the priest and even stood in for HIM when he was out of town, I ran!

After these and many other examples of clericalism in the priesthood I left that discernment behind. True priesthood, after all, has nothing to do with a collar, or vestments, or a perceived position of power. True priesthood doesn’t require that some other man place his hands on your head giving you “the power” to be a source of love in the world. True priesthood is part of our very nature when we seek to be a source of love in the world and to serve the betterment of our world through the sharing of our own unique gifts.