Personal Mastery

Believe in the Darkness

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 1 Comment

Believe in the darkness

and the spaces in between

for these are your teachers –

where you are forced to face your demons

and stare down the face of emptiness.

It is here, in the void, where all wisdom lies.

Where your sharpened edges are made smooth

by sitting with your discomfort

and sense of unease.

As life grows darker you must become small.

Contracting all you are –

your hopes

and dreams

and childhood wishes –

until you disappear into the no-thing,

until you become one with the no-thing.

until you become the no-thing itself.

It is here in the greatest stage of contraction

when all becomes invisible –

indistinguishable from the darkness

and emptiness of the void

where you shall glimpse the infinite potential

that resides at the center of nothing

and feel the rising pressure of a new world waiting to be born.

Believe in the darkness.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

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A**HOLE

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Contrary to what some (perhaps many) might say, I’m NOT an asshole. Contrary to what I jokingly say about myself, I’m NOT an asshole. I only jokingly say that I’m an asshole as a way to protect myself from those who honestly believe I am (an asshole).

People say I’m an asshole when they don’t like certain things about me. When my actions or words make them uncomfortable or hold them accountable to their own behaviors. Here’s a list of what some (many?) don’t like about me:

  1. I know who I am. I know my gifts, and my challenges and I’m confident standing in either.
  2. I have a clearly defined sense of right and wrong. I uphold these values within myself and hold others to these same values. (A dear friend once said that I have more integrity than anyone he has ever known.)
  3. I am growing more comfortable in the fullness of my emotions. I can feel sorrow, anxiety, depression, despair, joy, excitement, and anger and am somewhat comfortable expressing these.
  4. I’m VERY passionate about certain things and I’m not afraid to express this passion.
  5. I have a deep desire for justice in our world and will freely speak out against injustices.
  6. I feel anger DEEPLY (or I might be confusing passion for anger). When I witness an injustice, when my needs are not being met, when someone deeply hurts me, I feel anger. I’m not very good at expressing anger (because “you’re a bad person if you are angry), so it usually gets turned inward into seething resentment. Then I become SILENT and withdrawn until I’ve had time to process that anger.
  7. I have exceptional boundaries. As an introverted empath who is highly sensitive to the energy of others, my boundaries have become even more iron clad.
  8. I hear and can see people’s thoughts. I can read their personal energy. I KNOW when someone is lying to me, trying to keep secrets, or trying to manipulate me. I want to ask of certain people I know who repeatedly try to hide things from me, “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE FOOLING?”
  9. I’m not afraid to cut people off who have been intentionally cruel to me, betrayed me, lied to me or tried to cheat me. This is equally true of those who purposefully and thoughtfully infringe on my boundaries. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than put up with other people’s morally questionable or needy behaviors.
  10. I don’t do needy. I will slam the door at the first sign of dependency’s tentacles. Bye!
  11. Perhaps related, I am independent, self-sufficient, and for most of my life, I have been the source of my own need-fulfillment. I fill my own cup. It’s not my job to fill yours. I might be able to support you in learning to fill your own cup, but I won’t fill it for you.
  12. I do not and will not enable others. My mission is to empower, not to feed our dying system of co-dependency.

For this and (perhaps many) other reasons, there are some in the world who think I’m an asshole. I’ve even said the same of myself, but I know that’s not really true.  If it is, it’s only because we live in culture that is profoundly arrested in its development that has no idea what to do with self-actualized humans except to condemn them. I’ve been condemned and I’ve survived this too. (another reason for people to hate me. 😊

Toxic Over Responsibility

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Somewhere during the time of Eckart Tolle, a movement began of toxic over-responsibility. Due to the Western tendency to twist the sayings of wisdom teachers to conform to our achievement-oriented, overworking paradigm, we have come away with self-help practices that leave us responsible not only for our own actions, but for the actions of others. Platitudes that say things like:

  • The wound you see in another is simply a reflection of your own wound.
  • The bad behavior of another is simply a reflection of your own bad behavior.
  • If you see a fault in your brother, that fault is actually yours.
  • If you are triggered by another’s behavior or actions, it is reflecting back to you a wound in yourself in need of healing.

Where there may be some truth in these or similar statements, they are not wholly true and have cast us into the role of over-responsibility to ourselves and under-responsibility as it relates to the behavior of others. While we are busy exploring and taking responsibility for our own wounds, we are letting far too many people off the hook. 

Being accountable to our own wounds and the things that trigger them is never a bad thing. Entering fully into the practice of forgiveness (healing ourselves of the wounds caused by another’s bad behavior) is a worthwhile and liberating endeavor. But, if our journey of self-care and personal responsibility is letting the other off the hook then that is leaving us vulnerable to further harm.  Further, by focusing only on ourselves, we are allowing the other to remain in their state of arrested development.

I agree, it is not our responsibility to heal or fix others. Neither do we have control over the actions of others. We only have control over how we react to our own triggers and setting appropriate boundaries around our personal safety needs. We ARE NOT, however, responsible for the actions of others.  In other words, it is not only our unhealed wounds that cause us to be triggered by other people’s bad or irresponsible or disrespectful behavior.

What we are calling triggers, might not be triggers at all.  They might simply be our own inner compass reacting to the asshole in the room. As human beings, we are hard-wired to detect bad behavior in another. We know what is right and what is wrong. (Ok, some of us do). There is a visceral sensation that arises in our bodies when another is acting in an irresponsible, dangerous, threatening, or morally questionable way. We have the ability to detect deception, betrayal, a lack of integrity, shady or questionable behaviors. Yet, between our cultural conditioning that says to “give people the benefit of the doubt,” or “be nice,” we either disregard those feelings, or turn them inward, somehow making them our own responsibility.

The questionable, unprofessional, deceptive, behaviors of another ARE NOT OUR FAULT, neither are they our responsibility. Contrary to the toxic over-responsibility movement, the bad behaviors of another HAVE NOTHING to do with our unhealed wounds. Instead, the feelings that arise in us when faced with another’s unsavory behavior is simply our TRUTH BAROMETER calling BULLSHIT. Isn’t it long past time we start listening to that voice and stop taking responsibility for other people’s shitty behavior?

Happy Star Wars Day!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

A Message from the Force


How could I not acknowledge the popular Star Wars meme on this auspicious, tongue-in-cheek day?  Especially since Star Wars (the original one) is my all-time favorite movie (Mary Poppins being a very close second). 

Whether you are a fan or not, Star Wars is the quintessential tale of good vs. evil through the lens of the heroes journey – specifically capitalizing on the orphan trope with obvious overtones/undertones of George Lucas’ Catholic upbringing including narratives about “God,” temptation, death and resurrection. Throw in the spaghetti western action sequences and innovative special effects (that still hold their own today) and Star Wars has it all. 

Critics will say there is nothing original in the Star Wars universe. Book nerds will suggest Lucas stole all his ideas from Dune. Neither of these criticisms are incorrect. Regardless of these critiques, Star Wars (the original) holds a unique place in the cinematic universe as a profound teacher of wisdom – subliminal wisdom at that!

Beyond the special effects, the action, the glitz, and the glamour, Star Wars is the story of our young orphan hero (Luke Skywalker) being supported in coming into his own power. By way of Obi-Wan Kenobi (and later Yoda) Luke learns that the power he seeks is within and around him in what is called The Force.  The Force, he learns, is the power that created and guides the whole universe and is accessible to those who seek it out. He discovers that The Force can be used for good, but that it can be equally harnessed for the sake of evil. Along the journey he is confronted with all the ways in which he could use this power and is challenged to make the right choice. Does he use The Force to commit acts of revenge, or does he use it as a force for good? 

The journey that Luke embarks upon and the choices he must face, represent the universal human journey. As it specifically relates to us in this time in history, during this critical stage of human evolution, Star Wars invites us to explore:

1) Our own relationship to The Force (God, Source, Love, etc.)
2) The conditioning that tells us The Force is outside of us and it’s approval must be earned and might be taken away.
4) The temptation to look outside of ourselves for a teacher or a guide/ truth, knowledge and wisdom.
5) The temptation to give our power away to outside perceived authorities. 
6) The temptation to use our gifts (The Force) to manipulate others or to have power over them.
7) The temptation to act out of anger or revenge. 

As I reflect on this today, the most obvious lesson from Star Wars that presents itself is related to the “outside perceived authority” – especially those who use their positions of perceived power to harm others. In this I think of:

The media.
Government officials.
Religions “leaders.”
Self-proclaimed and false gurus. 

Our world is overrun by those who seek to manipulate others through false information, fear-based communication, and shame. Those who capitalize on human insecurity and the conditioning that tells us to believe those outside of us over our own inner wisdom and knowledge. As it relates to the work I do in the world, I am currently most aware of (and annoyed by) the false gurus and charlatans in the fields of healing and spirituality. Individuals who are taking advantage of human vulnerability, placing themselves in the position of authority/guru/source of healing, and convincing their followers to give them loads of money along with devotion to their guidance – even (especially) when the “guru’s” guidance is in direct conflict with what the “client/follower” might feel/know within themselves. I can’t tell you how many people I have seen harmed (financially, emotionally, mentally, even physically) by these false gurus. And yet, these gurus continue to attract followers like flies are attracted to rotting flesh.

In this journey of human evolution, like Luke when he was given the opportunity to choose the Dark Side through revenge, we stand at a crossroads. To whom are we giving our allegiance? Are we giving it away to outside perceived authorities?  Are we believing the lies we are often fed by the media, corporations, our church, our government? Or, are we giving our allegiance TO OURSELVES – to The Force that dwells within us, that guides us, leads us, compels us toward our own inner knowledge, wisdom and inner power?  Not unlike “Young Luke,” the fate of the universe (humanity) depends on our choice.

My hope and prayer for all of us is the acknowledgement that THE FORCE IS WITH YOU and is ALWAYS WITH YOU.   Now the invitation is to harness that Force and direct it toward good. 

Yours in the Force,
Lauri

Returning to Mundane

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…..there was an author who dared to suggest that at the end of our spiritual journey, is a return to the mundane. This author is Richard Bach and the books is Illusions – the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. In this story, Donald, a messiah, quits his messiah business and becomes a pilot. He then travels the wilds, giving people rides in his three-passenger plane. As the story demonstrates, being a messiah is a tricky, stressful business that has even been shown to get people killed. This, among other reasons, is why Donald quits his spiritual business and returns to the everyday, mundane world.

I first read this book in my twenties, and several times more in my thirties (it’s a short book and can be read in a day). I got the moral of the story then, but as I’m approaching sixty, I relate to this story even more. Not because I consider myself a messiah (one sometimes suffering with a messiah complex maybe), but because I now understand that after we have completed our spiritual journey (it’s never really complete – but we do eventually arrive at a place of “enough”), life takes on a whole different feeling and flavor.

In technical terms, the spiritual journey, as it has been articulated by the ancient mystics, is comprised of four stages – spirit entering form, awakening and ascension, the great descent, and then ending in spirit leaving form and returning to source – Death. Each tradition gives these stages their own names, but the general descriptions are much the same.

Western pop-culture spirituality gives a lot of attention to the awakening/ascension stage of the journey, so with this you may be familiar. The great descent, however, is most often ignored as it is rife with challenge, struggle, ego-death, and suffering. It is the stage of the journey where after finding union with Source/God, we are plunged into the depths of our own inner hell – made up of our unhealed wounds, past traumas, spiritual fears, cultural conditioning, ego-attachments and more.  This is a hell made up of all those things within us that have forgotten our original nature as Love resulting in non-loving beliefs or behaviors about ourselves or others. It is here where we must come face to face (for example) with all our desires to be famous, rich, powerful, desirable, admired, respected, special, and needed rear their ugly face. This is also where we must confront every single lie we’ve been told and illusion we’ve created about life needing to have meaning and purpose in a way that is tangible, visible, and seen. Finally, during this descent, every illusion and need for control will be pried from the grip of our cold, dead, fingers.

There’s a reason few speak of this stage of our spiritual journey. Having been thrown into this stage somewhere around the year 2000, I know it well and can say not one single person chooses descent to make up nearly thirty years of their life!  I am also here to attest that the descent does eventually come to an end of sorts. Perhaps there are still ego attachments to confront, and pain still to be endured, but with these we have become familiar and accustomed and now we have tools for moving through these subtle layers of deepening in the important journey of ego-death.

The great descent frees us from all which imprisons us in insecurity, fear, ego-attachment, etc. While being freed, our truest nature of Love in Union with Source is increasingly liberated. Each moment we give to this transformation, we come to more and more fully live as Love, embracing all we are as Love (including our humanness) while finding the simple joy of being in the human experience. Here we are no longer bothered by life’s pursuit of meaning or purpose. Neither are we plagued by our imperfections. We are now able to return to the innocence we knew as children when we could simply enjoy the wonder of discovery, curiosity, and unbothered play. (YES, I know not every child’s childhood was great, but there was an innocence there among the pain.)

It is at this stage of our spiritual journey where many-a-messiah leave behind their work of saving the world and get on with simply living, which for those like the character in Illusions means returning to the mundane.

Beyond Ascension

online course

Learn what comes after ascension. The journey from unity consciousness to embodiment.

Learn more and enroll here.

Loved a Narcissist?

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

If you have loved a narcissist, absolutely NOTHING was your fault. NOTHING was your responsibility. There were no lessons to learn.

Instead, EVERYTHING is the responsibility and fault of the narcissist. Narcissists prey on our tender, generous, and vulnerable hearts. They deceive us for their gain. They keep secrets to guarantee our curiosity and hope. They know their actions are manipulative and evil, but they also know the capacity of our forgiveness and our willingness to see them through the lens of compassion and understanding. They thrive on us feeling sorry for them because of the wounds that make them do the hateful things they do. They know that instead of holding them accountable, we will take responsibility for their actions, or at the very least, view every single conflict as a vehicle for learning and growth.

They also know all the ways in which we’ve been punished in the past for asking for our needs to be met or inviting another’s accountability, and they will punish us in the same way. They know we are used to being the grown up in a relationship and that we were forced to grow up early and to bear the burden of over responsibility very early in our lives.

They know of our shame and our guilt and they use these against us, for they have neither.

A narcissist has no shame. They will never apologize or take responsibility for their actions. They will never work to make things right.

With a narcissist, there is only one thing we can do: 

WALK AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK

You did nothing wrong. Nothing was your fault. There were no lessons to learn, except perhaps, to get the f*ck out. And I guarantee, the narcissist won’t bat and eye and will likely never think of you again – for they’re already on to the next person to harm.

Tested in Fire: New LIVE Course

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Live online course with Lauri Ann Lumby

Six sessions

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

May 8 – June 12, 2024

Live via ZOOM*

After we have tasted the unifying experience of Union with God/Source/Love that we experience at ascension (enlightenment, bliss, etc.) we are cast out of that bliss into a process in which we are “tested like gold that is tested in fire.” The ancients have called this the journey of descent.  Here we come face to face with all the aspects of ourselves that are not wholly rooted in love: our unhealed fears, past traumas, societal conditioning, and ego attachments. In this we are invited to confront our own inner “demons” and transform them into vehicles of Love so that we might fulfill the purpose of the human spiritual journey – the embodiment of Love/God.

In this six-week course, you will:

  • Explore the psychology of the journey of descent as it relates to human development.
  • Acknowledge and confront the challenges inherent in the journey of descent.
  • Learn the language and stages of descent through the Tree of Life as articulated in ancient pre-Christian mystical traditions.
  • Come to understand the Tree of Death as a vehicle of liberation from egoic attachments.
  • Find support in identifying that which limits your ability to know and be Love.
  • Provided with tools for transforming the “demons” experienced in the journey of descent into vehicles of Love.
  • Grow in becoming the embodiment of Love.

This course is:

  • Inspired by scholarship
  • Anchored in original source material
  • Grounded in sound mindfulness and creativity practices
  • Incorporating tried and tested methods for transformation
  • Rooted in the psychology of human development

** For those who have already taken the Beyond Ascension course, Tested in Fire stands on its own while going into much greater depth than was able to be covered in the Beyond Ascension class.  

Learn more and enroll HERE

The Four Pillars

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The Order of the Magdalene with Lauri Ann Lumby is firmly rooted in the four pillars of:

  • Spirituality
  • Science
  • Psychology
  • Education

The Order of the Magdalene is founded on the belief that pillars are not meant to contain or control but are intended to uplift while providing ongoing encouragement and support. It is a model based on empowerment, not on oppression.

Psychology – specifically Human Development

The primary focus of the Order of the Magdalene is to provide education, resources, and tools which support human beings in becoming self-actualized. Self-actualization, a term first coined by Kurt Goldstein and then popularized by Abraham Maslow, is a process by which human beings are compelled toward reaching their full potential.  Maslow defined self-actualization as:

            Self-actualization (also referred to as self-realization or self-cultivation) can be described as the complete realization of one’s potential as manifest in peak experiences which involve the full development of one’s abilities and appreciation for life. (Maslow, 1962)

Self-actualized people know:

  • Who they are.
  • How they are uniquely gifted.
  • How they are called to live out those gifts for the sake of their own fulfillment and in service to the betterment of the world.

Furthermore, self-actualized people have found a deep sense of inner contentment, along with a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives. Becoming self-actualized is the ultimate fulfillment of the human journey.

Spirituality

Spirituality is inherent in every person. Each one of us is driven by an invisible force that compels us to seek meaning and purpose in our lives. Connecting with this invisible force (however we define or identify that force) helps us to access inner guidance, knowledge, understanding, contentment, and peace. The Order of the Magdalene supports the unique spiritual journey and spiritual development of each individual by providing tools and practices that are universal and free of doctrine or dogma.  Here western and eastern contemplative practices meet, providing a path consistent with our increasingly wholistic and secular world.  Instead of experiencing these practices through the lens of division, we find union in an open dialog and exploration of all the ways in which human beings have nurtured this inherent yearning to explore mystery. In this way, we are empowered to discover our own truth along with the path of our highest good.

Science

History has shown us the endurance of spiritual/contemplative practices including mindfulness, meditation, silence, and contemplation, and the benefits experienced by those dedicated to these practices. With recent advances in science, specifically neurobiology, we can now see the proof of what before were only theories based on subjective observation.  Through the science of such pioneers as Zinn, Davidson, and Newberg, the Order of the Magdalene has found validation and support for our methods.

Education

With training in adult education, developmental psychology, spiritual formation, and project-based learning, Lauri Ann Lumby, founder, and spiritual director of the Order of the Magdalene, has created an experiential learning model that is adaptable to the individual learning style and temperament of each participant. One-on-one support provides the additional resources that guarantee that the individual needs of each client and student are met and their formative desires fulfilled.

Putting it All Together

Through a solid foundation built upon the four pillars of psychology, spirituality, science and education, The Order of the Magdalene provides a comprehensive approach to the process of human development.  Self-actualization is supported through our online classes, workshops, books, community gatherings and one-on-one support. 

LIVE COURSE STARTING APRIL 10th!

Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

Learn more and enroll

Live Course Starting April 10th

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

For centuries, wisdom teachers have spoken about the dark night of the soul, a stage of emptiness and sometimes despair in the spiritual journey – a stage that is pronounced and identifiable, but mostly temporary. We may experience several dark nights of the soul, but as described by these teachers, the dark night is always followed by periods of comfort and resolution.  

What these teachers have not spoken of is the reality of a darker night – one that is not simply a stage but appears to be enduring and potentially everlasting. This is not the dark night of clinical depression (though the two can bear similar traits) but is instead –

a sign of having accomplished the spiritual state of embodiment.

Embodiment is that which surpasses ascension and is the culmination of the human spiritual journey. In becoming embodied (anthropos), we have integrated the union experienced at ascension and are now living more and more fully as Love within our human form and experience. In this state, Source is no longer perceived as outside of us. Neither is Source experienced as an ecstatic inner state.

Instead, Source is experienced only as ourselves.

In the long dark night, we

  • experience what appears to be the absence of “God”
  • miss the ecstasy and intimacy that often accompanies our experiences of union with the Divine
  • feel empty, alone, and often afraid.
  • experience a sense of abandonment
  • become acquainted with the Void – the perceived absence of support, guidance, hope, and direction
  • come face to face with Death
  • become terrified by the possibility of there being nothing – both in life and on the other side of life.

The long dark night can be terrifying as it encompasses in its embrace, the opportunity to heal and transform the final vestiges of our ego attachments, false perceptions, and non-loving conditioning.  

The long dark night supports us in:

  • knowing our own voice as the voice of God
  • understanding our own needs as the needs of Source
  • becoming empowered to trust ourselves as our own Source of guidance and support
  • knowing we are the Love we seek, and living as the embodiment of that Love
  • accepting our own sovereign nature as wonderfully and gloriously made
  • finding peace in the perceived solitude of union/autonomy

In this live, online course, you will:

  • Learn to identify the signs of the long dark night
  • Come to understand the purpose of the long dark night
  • Discover that you are not alone in this mysterious state of becoming
  • Experience resources and tools for navigating the long dark night
  • Be supported in surviving the confusion and desolation that often accompanies the long dark night
Learn more and enroll here.

The Long Dark Night

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / 2 Comments

The Long Dark Night

Deafening silence echoing into the void.

Where is the voice of my God?

The voice I used to hear on the wind,

see in my dreams,

taste in my prayers?

Feeling “His” loving embrace like the comfort of a warm blanket –

a shield of protection.

In “His” arms I felt safe.

A compass offering guidance.

A weathervane pointing out coming storms.

A sextant tracking the movement of the stars.

A barometer alerting changing pressure.

Where there was once surety, this is only confusion.

The only voice now is my own.

The Long Dark Night is made of this.

As we come to embrace this, we realize

that to hear the voice of God, we need only listen to ourselves.

copyright Lauri Ann Lumby

Surviving the Long Dark Night

LIVE (via ZOOM) online course

Wednesdays 6:30 – 8:30 pm central time

April 10, 17, 24, 2024

Created and facilitated by Lauri Ann Lumby

Learn more and enroll here.