All of my adult life I’d had to endure the platitudes of both the capitalistic and new age/new thought/prosperity gospel/life-coach agendas that base their philosophies on the foundation of the perception of deservedness. Mantras like:
You deserve to get paid what you’re worth.
You deserve the things you want.
You deserve to enjoy luxuries.
You deserve what makes you feel good.
You deserve to be recognized for your work and your contributions.
You deserve the house and car of your dreams.
You deserve that Chanel suit or Vuitton bag.
You deserve to be rewarded for how hard you work.
Except for the rights beautifully outlined in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (which many would argue we don’t deserve), we don’t deserve shit!
Deservedness, by its definition, is a system of reward (or punishment). For our purposes here, deservedness implies reward proportionate to contribution or work. In and of itself, the idea of deservedness looks benign enough. Work=reward.
In practice, however, the reward is determined by the presiding power system.
The Church, as one such power system, for example has created elaborate formulas for determining reward (or punishment) based on someone’s virtuous acts, or lack thereof. Employers determine wage equal to time put in, further based on supply of workers vs. demand, the perceived value (determined by the power system) of the service provided, and increasingly based on how much of their annual revenue has to go to stockholders and CEO’s.
It could be argued that every single one of these formulas is arbitrary based on the whims of a greedy and power-driven culture. A perfect example of the arbitrariness of the system is a retail clerk at Walgreens making $8.50 per hour with zero benefits while their CEO makes $28million a year plus full benefits. How is it that the person on the ground selling the products Walgreens profits from deserves less than the CEO whose primary job is to wine and dine stockholders? In my mind, NO ONE deserves $28mil a year, or perhaps it’s the retail clerk who deserves that salary and not the CEO! No one said, however, that I comprehend or even subscribe to the rules of capitalism.
Neither do I ascribe to the ego-based, white privilege inspired philosophies of the New Age/New Thought/Prosperity Gospel/Life Coach communities. To suggest that people are paid proportionate to their work or their perceived gifts betrays ignorance based in privilege. To further suggest that our thoughts dictate the circumstances of our lives reveals the arrogance of one who believes they alone have the power to determine the movement of their lives, including (especially) how much money they have and how they DESERVE to use it. When I look at the success (as defined by capitalism) of those in these communities, what I mostly see is pure, dumb luck – or straight up privilege. It’s easier to become successful in a white, male, dominant capitalistic system when you look the part, obey the rules of that system, and have had the privilege of that system paving your path. Some among these communities bypass accusations of privilege by claiming that what they have is a blessing given to them by God. “God loves them so much that God gave them…..”
God has absolutely NOTHING to do with what one does or does not have. To claim otherwise is a direct insult to every single person struggling in our world just to survive.
What we have or do not have are simply functions of the human experiment. Whether what we have (as defined by the power system) is more or less has absolutely nothing to do with deservedness. When we have more than what we need for basic survival, what we choose to do with that excess is wholly and completely up to us. If we decide to spend that excess on a Chanel suit, it’s because we wanted it, not because we deserve it. Arguing deservedness over the choices we make in regard to our excess resources, is just another way human beings justify their unconscious shame in doing for themselves while others are going without. When we are at peace with the choices we make around the use of our resources, there is no reason to protest or justify our deservedness because we know that at the end of the day, we don’t deserve shit!
My primary influences as a child were Samantha Stevens and Morticia Addams. To my young girl self, they provided a reflection of my truest nature. I saw in them the power of independence and inner authority along with the magic that I knew was in me, despite what the world would say otherwise. I’ve always known I was magic and that like Samantha, I had the power to bring forth what I needed seemingly by magic. It is only cultural conditioning that has caused me to doubt my magic, or to act in ways compliant with the rules of a world separated from its truest nature.
We are all magic. Magic is a function of our true nature. We are magic because our true nature is Divine. We are the living, breathing, physical manifestations of Source – that which some call God. It is only in our conditioned state of separation that we would believe otherwise.
I’m here to prove this conditioning wrong.
Magic is another word for Love. Divine Love. The Love that is the Source of all. The Love that is the intelligent force of the universe bringing forth infinite expressions of that Love. The Love that lives, and dwells within us and seeks to be known by us and lived in the world through us. The purpose of the human experience is to remember that Love and to experience the inherent magic that comes forth from us when we are aligned with Love.
The even greater truth is that Magic comes forth from us even when we are not aligned with Love. Love operates on a dimension beyond division. As such, even our fears, doubts, unhealed wounds, and past traumas cannot infringe on that which is intended by Love for our life’s unfolding. We are Love experiencing Love’s Self in the world through the unique expression of Love that we are. The greater Love has a vision, a knowledge, a plan as to how this unique expression of self shall be in the world. As such, everything that occurs in our lives is a function and plan of that Love. It is only our conditioned separation that causes us to see it elsewise.
When we are aligned with this Love we are able to see how everything is a part of Love’s unfolding through us.
It is here that we can be witness to Magic. Witnessing our lives through the lens of Magic helps us to see how every disappointment, challenge, loss, heartbreak, betrayal has served a higher purpose. We can see how the suffering in our lives has created opportunities to gather strength and to gain acceptance of our humanness. Suffering also provides us with important lessons in humility and helps us to grow in empathy and compassion for the suffering of others. Viewing our life through the lens of Magic also helps us to see the miracle and wonder in those gifts that seem to come out of thin air. Synchronistic meetings and encounters. Doorways that open to new experiences for learning and growth. Work and creative opportunities that land in our laps. When the right teacher arrives at exactly the right time. When our whole life turns on a dime because of a single conversation, engagement, or introduction. When our poverty suddenly turns to abundance and when our suffering instantaneously turns to joy.
Magic is the true nature of the Universe and I’m grateful for Samantha Stevens and Morticia Addams for showing me that magic and for other teachers who have collectively shown me the way to living by that magic.
“Amen, amen, I say to you, the one who believes as I do will also do the works that I do, and indeed will do even greater ones than these.” -Jesus
To say this week has been intense would be a profound understatement. This morning is the first in many days that I feel somewhat human. Based on reports from the field, I’m not the only one.
Collectively, we have been cast into the depths of the patriarchal wound. Patriarchal wounding began the day humanity set aside THE MOTHER in favor of the punitive father where both the Holy Feminine and Holy Masculine were deprived of their power in favor of the toxic human.
The toxic human seeks after power – no matter the cost. People of all genders are guilty of this toxicity and it is this toxicity that has caused the destruction of our planet and all the ‘isms known to humankind. Toxic humanity gains its power through fear, manipulation, guilt and shame. Toxic humanity will be the death of our species if we don’t do the work of transforming it.
Transformation of toxic humanity is exactly what many of us were cast into this past week. For many, this work of transformation began through our own triggering event – experiences that caused us to feel powerless, disappointed, despairing, devastated, or angry due to actions brought forth through another acting out the patriarchal paradigm. We can be assured that when our triggering results in an inner devastation (for example) that feels disproportionate to the event, that we are being invited to not only transmute this wound for ourselves, but for the collective.
In my own deep dive I found myself alternating between writhing in agony and raging at the injustice. Fortunately the Universe knew I would be called to this and sent me several significant supports. Most noteworthy was a deep encounter with THE MOTHER.
THE MOTHER is the source of all that is. She is the primordial Creatrix and how Source was recognized and honored before the patriarchy captured humanity’s devotion. The Mother is black, representing the VOID/DARKNESS out of which all creation emerges – The Mother’s womb, and black to represent the geographic seat of humanity’s origin. In the spiritual tradition of my primary teachers, The Mother is known as The Shekinah.
Reclaiming THE MOTHER is one of the ways in which we can restore humanity to its original nature as loving, caring, and peaceful creatures living in harmony with the earth and one another. Archaeology supports the idea of a time when humanity lived as one, and the common spirituality of the tribes who lived in this way, was recognition and honor of The Mother. The Mother predates humanity’s creation of hierarchical gods and goddesses along with all the religions that divide. SHE simply is.
I can’t describe exactly how this happened, but accepting and embracing The Mother has completely transformed my experience of The Divine. No longer is the patriarchal father whispering shame, guilt, or threats of punishment in my ears. Instead, I find myself resting in the comfortable abundance and safety of The Mother’s womb. Here I’m reminded that all our needs are being abundantly provided by The Mother, and there’s nothing we need to do to get those needs met. In the same way that it is true for a babe in its mother’s womb, the nourishment, support, love, protection, and peace we all need is simply given to us by virtue of our connection with Source and this nourishment and support comes unbidden and in exactly the way that we need it for our soul’s wellbeing.
Embracing The Mother supports the transformation of the patriarchal wound within us while creating a ripple effect that begins to transform the patriarchal wound within humanity. It’s not something we can make happen, however. The Mother will come to us in our own unique way and as we are ready to receive her. We can, however, prepare for her arrival by identifying the patriarchal wounds within us and begin the work of transmuting them so we can create room for The Mother’s appearance.
On the journey toward self-realization, self-actualization, wholeness (whatever word you use for this), there are no shortcuts. And yet, I am continually confronted by those who refuse to do the work.
They become bored and disinterested.
The work turns out to be “too hard.”
They are unwilling to let go of the things blocking their journey.
They bail out the first time their ego attachments are challenged.
They cling to their victimhood.
They give up the work in favor of shiny objects and false promises.
They think they can just think the right thoughts and become self-actualized.
They believe a gratitude practice alone will make them whole.
They believe they are already enlightened.
They think the journey ends with ascension.
They find every way to escape the real work by focusing on surface practices only.
When the journey doesn’t make them rich, bring them fame or glory, or bring the man/woman of their dreams, they become disinterested and walk away.
The journey of self-actualization has absolutely nothing to do with anything outside of us. It has everything to do with what is within. And it takes work. HARD WORK. There are no shortcuts!
We cannot “Lala” our way to self-actualization. In fact, spiritual bypass guarantees the journey will fail. As the Buddhists say, “What we resist will persist.” The more we resist the inherent drive to evolve and become whole, the more we will suffer because of it. The more we ignore the deep healing work that is required to become whole, the more we will suffer. The more we ignore the inner obstacles to our freedom, the greater our suffering will be. This suffering, I have found, is more difficult than simply doing the work. We can suffer a life of quiet desperation, or uncover the inner peace, contentment, fulfillment, and joy that is inherent within us through the journey of self-realization.
The obstacles to self-actualization are many:
Unhealed wounds
Past conditioning
Ego-attachments
Trauma
Attachment to the status quo
Attachment to material/external results.
Anything we have suppressed or repressed.
The seven cardinal compulsions are all manifestations of these obstacles: pride, sloth, greed, envy, wrath, lust (for power), and gluttony.
The journey toward self-actualization invites us to remove these obstacles through deep processes of inner transformation and healing. With every obstacle that is removed, another aspect of our true nature becomes liberated, and we take another step toward the freedom of our original natures.
Jesus spoke of the difficulty of the journey toward self-actualization when he spoke of the narrow gate and the eye of the needle:
“Enter through the narrow gate, for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and those who find it are few in number.” Matthew 7: 13-14
“Amen, I say to you, it will be difficult for one attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for someone who is attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 19: 23-24
There are no shortcuts! If we truly seek wholeness and the inner fulfillment that comes through the journey of self-actualization we must do the work!
Supporting Your Journey of Self-Actualization:
Authentic Freedom is a protocol and practice developed by Lauri Ann Lumby which supports you in identifying and then healing the fears that have kept you imprisoned by your past wounding and cultural conditioning.
Through recorded lessons, reading, discussion, mindfulness and creativity practices, you will be given the tools to identify, heal and transform the fears that:
There is not enough. You are insignificant and have nothing of value to offer the world. You cannot live as our most authentic selves. You are not loved (or that love has to be earned or can be taken away). You are not free to express our truth. You do not know the truth. You are alone.
At the end of this course, you will have the tools to support you in the continued liberation from your fears and the conditioning that has placed them there.
One of the top news articles this week is related to an incident where His Holiness the Dalai Lama (trigger warning)asked a little boy to suck his tongue. The compassionate part of me wants to hope that the Dalai Lama must be suffering from some degenerative cognitive condition to have behaved in such a way. The part of me that worked in the Catholic Church, and had firsthand witness of, and counseled many through the untold horrors of clerical abuse, suspects otherwise.
My experiences in the Catholic Church and otherwise have taught me the dangers of clericalism – no matter what robes the clerics are dressed in. In the same way that the Roman collar does not make one immune to bad behavior, neither do the saffron or maroon robes of Buddhism. In fact, I’ve witnessed some of the worst abuses of power coming from those who claim to be Buddhist. While religious doctrine might tell us otherwise, no man is God. Therefore, no man is immune to the temptations of power, especially when that power is cloaked in perceived affection. Further, neither a celibate life nor spiritual practice elevates one beyond sensual pleasures, no matter how much one might argue otherwise.
We may never know if mental illness, arrested development, or perversion drove the Dalai Lama’s behavior. What we do know is that this behavior created a wave of shock and horror among those who understand the ramifications of his behavior. We also know that his spokespeople rushed to excuse and then defend the Lama’s actions, “Westerners are looking at this from a Western lens.” (I call bullshit on that excuse. The Dalai Lama and his fellow monks have been immersed in Western culture since the 1950’s. They should know better!) We also know that the vast majority of those following this story are likely in shock and disbelief. Finally, it is likely that many of the Dalai Lama’s followers and fans are trying to deny that it even happened.
This is what happens when our heroes fail. When those we have placed upon a pedestal reveal their humanness, we are hurled into the process of grief. First, we try to deny that the event happened. Then we try to bargain it away. In this bargaining we might try to make excuses for our hero or defend their actions as “really not that bad,” or “no big deal.” We might become defensive toward those who try to point out the so-called hero’s humanness. Once we have moved beyond denial and bargaining and can finally admit that perhaps our hero isn’t so perfect after all, and that the behavior was inappropriate or wrong, then we may become angry. We become enraged over the behavior, and even more so, we feel deeply betrayed which naturally triggers our wrath. We may find ourselves depressed and despondent over the disappointment and sense of betrayal. Finally, we might weep. Weeping for the loss of the hero and weeping for our own lost innocence.
No man is God. And yet, for the past 5000-10000 years, humanity has been putting individuals in the place of God. From tribal priests, to kings, to gurus, to popes, to lamas, to rabbis, to ministers, to movie and TV celebrities, to talk show hosts, to influencers, etc. human beings have turned to those outside of themselves as the source of truth and salvation. Institutions have created mythology, doctrine, and laws around these outside perceived authorities and have actively recruited people to worship them.
Through centuries of (often shame or fear-based) indoctrination, human beings have forgotten that the source of truth is within them and has been all along. While we may see our own truth reflected in the writings of the Dalai Lama, Jesus, Mohammed, Mother Teresa, Marianne Williamson, or Anandamayi Ma, the individual is not the source of that truth. Neither are they a god to be worshipped. Human beings, no matter how holy they are made out to be, are imperfect and flawed.
Human beings, no matter how spiritual, will fail, and the higher the pedestal upon which we place them, the greater will be their fall. The remedy to this inevitable failure is that we stop making other human beings our gods and embrace the only true source of authority – that which resides within.
As it relates to the Dalai Lama, I pray that if he is cognitively impaired, that he be supported in getting help for his impairment. If he is not, and this was an act of arrested development or perversion, I pray that he, and the Tibetan community around him get the help they need. Even more, I pray for the child that he be assured that the actions of the Lama were wrong, and that his parents and those who care for him provide a safe and loving place where he can process the actions of a man he may have been led to believe was god.
The Authentic Freedom Protocol
supports you in accessing, discerning, and living from your own inner truth while helping you to identify and transcend the fears and unhealed wounds that might otherwise hinder you from living that truth.
With TexASS and FloriDUH leading the charge, the United States is once again having to confront the reality of a very vocal minority seeking to control what information and knowledge children have access to in the public areas of libraries and schools.
In a recent study, it was determined that TexASS has banned more than 800 books in 22 school districts, closely followed by FloriDUH at 566 books banned across 21 districts. As an advocate of our constitutional right to freedom of speech (which to me implies freedom to read what I want), and as one who believes the decision to monitor a child’s reading lies in the hands of the parents, I am vehemently against banning books. Furthermore, history has shown us that banning books is a tool of fascism, albeit an ineffective means of control.
That being said, I am proud to be an author whose books have been banned! WHY? Because the first thing thinking adults do when we learn of a book that’s been banned, is to go out and buy, and then read it! We want to know what the fuss is about, while also giving the finger to those who attempt to control our access to information.
To my knowledge, my books have not been banned by any school districts or libraries. Instead, they have been condemned and therefore banned by the Catholic Church! Could there possibly be a better endorsement than to have one’s book banned by the great and powerful Catholic Church!? As a recovering Catholic, I consider this to be the best of all possible endorsements.
The presiding bishop of the Catholic Diocese of Green Bay, Wisconsin, for example, once told a friend and colleague that all of my books and anything I have created is forbidden to be used in his diocese. I laughed when I learned of this. Then I wept for my friend who had spent a year attempting to get permission to teach myAuthentic Freedom curriculum at her local parish. The bishop strung her along for a year before dropping this bomb. Apparently, the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her parish priest as a child wasn’t enough of a trauma. The bishop decided to heap on a bit more. (IMO, there’s a special place in hell for men like this!)
If the Church is willing to ban Authentic Freedom (a phrase inspired by Pope John Paul II himself!) for challenging the concept of original sin and providing people with the tools (inspired by the Catholic Contemplative tradition) to be free of the fears and compulsions that keep them from knowing they are LOVE, then you can bet they have banned my novel, Song of the Beloved – the Gospel According to Mary Magdalene.
Song of the Beloved shares the fictional (based in canonical and non-canonical scripture) story of Mary, called Magdalene, and places her in her rightful role as devoted student, companion, and partner to Jesus (yep – that Jesus!). Mary, once healed of her childhood trauma, is depicted as an eager learner, and empowered leader in her own right, and the one Jesus ordained to continue his ministry. I may have also suggested that they might have been married and (ahem) had sex. Yeah….the Church would definitely ban this book if they’d read it.
Then there’s Only One – the Secret Teachings of Mary Magdalene, which among other things, proposes that Mary, called Magdalene may have had a hand in facilitating Jesus’ resurrection – as Jesus had done in raising Lazarus. Definitely blasphemy!
Finally, there is Christouch. Christouch is my response to the United States Council of Catholic Bishop’s prohibition statement against Reiki. This prohibition was executed directly in response to my work (and other Catholic women like me) as a Reiki practitioner and inspired by the local diocese’s decision to lead the charge. In Christouch, I lay out the scriptural foundations of healing in the way that Jesus did, and the command he issued to his apostles to go out and heal. Christouch further provides a protocol for embracing that call to be a vessel of God’s healing and the foundational knowledge to further that calling. Christouch directly confronts the Catholic Church’s contention that only priests can be a vessel of healing through the laying on of hands. To this I say: READ YOUR SCRIPTURE!
In short, I believe we are gifted with a brain to reason and discern our own truth and to exercise that truth regardless of what institutional authorities might suggest otherwise. In my case, I say, “go ahead and ban my books, it just makes people want to read them.”
Lauri Ann Lumby
is a writer, author, educator, and mentor who has supported individuals in their journey toward self-actualization for over twenty-five years. Out of the Shadows is Lauri’s most recent and eleventh published work.
You can reach Lauri directly at lauri@lauriannlumby.com.
Below is an excerpt from a recent post in my Whispers from the Cave interactive web series. Learn more about Whispers from the Cave below.
I woke up to twelve inches of snow this morning with likely another twelve coming. None of the roads have been plowed. Why should they bother when the snow keeps on coming?
I don’t need a reason or an excuse to stay home in the comfort of my cave, but this weather eases the conditioned and not-yet healed guilt that sometimes surfaces in the face of just staying home.
We’re conditioned to believe we have to leave the comfort of our home to be a contributing member of society. Work. Family. Friends. Social activities. All stand out as pressure to comply. We’re accused of being lazy or anti-social for simply wanting to be home.
Being called to contemplative/monastic living presents another option – a counter-cultural option. A big part of embracing this calling is all the work we must do around unconditioning. Coming to understand it’s ok to simply be. There’s nothing we have to do (except that which springs forth from our hearts) and there’s nowhere we have to be.
We find support for this unconditioning through community – through others embracing a similar calling. Without the benefit of community, we must find this conditioning on our own. Part of this unconditioning comes in simply choosing what’s right for ourselves. When the voices of guilt, shame, or self-doubt com in, however, that is when we must return AGAIN to our practice. Through our practice, we turn inward toward ourselves where we can heal and transform those conditioned voices.
How and where have you found support in unconditioning?
What spiritual practices have you found helpful in your journey of unconditioning?
Whispers from the Cave
Whispers from the Cave features limited edition, exclusive content examining the daily life and reflections of a modern monk living in a “cave” surrounded by ghosts.
• 4+ episodes per month (written and recorded)
• Exclusive content (not available anywhere else)
• Interactive discussion (bring your burning questions)
• Educational and Informative
• Inspiring and Supportive
• Special pricing for the first 100 subscribers
Grab your morning cup, your favorite blanket, and snuggle in as you prepare to meet:
Cross land and sea Time and tide To misty Avalon I fly. Seeking what? I do not know. Unless it be a place called home. Where kindred spirit join by chance, Round the fire – the sacred dance.
Drawn through dreams of lifetimes past, Seems ancients did this circle cast. To Tor and Well and ancient spring. The place I thought my Soul could sing.
Take care all those like me who’d go For Avalon’s gifts cannot be foretold. Where Michael and Mary ley lines greet Ego and fear did meet defeat.
Gwyn Ap Nudd appeared as guide For the hell I created could not be denied. Following the labyrinth to the depths of my fears, Often wondering, “Is insanity near?”
Attachment, rage, resentment and grief Transformed in the fire while I prayed for relief. My warrior’s heart tested in flame Hoping here would be the gain. When at last released me at the top of the Tor, I collapsed in a heap – wanting no more. Processing along the dragon’s back, My Beloved Christ kept me on track. He explained the attachment that stood in the way Of knowing the peace and the love of each day.
To Chalice Well he bid me rest, In the Mother’s arms I’d completed the test. Finding her love hidden in stone. In bud, leaf and wood, I remembered my home. Then verse 12, Chapter 12 of Testament Old The world of Joel that made me whole: “Return to me with your whole heart Don’t let fear keep us apart.”
An ocean of tears the floodgate released As I was reminded of the true source of peace. The love of Divine that resides in my heart. Return to the Oneness from where we all start. The Holy Grail now fully revealed. I am this love and through it am healed.
The truth that Christ came to remind. Is that when we seek we shall find. That home is the love of the Divine deep within This is our origin and where we begin. It is ego that creates the false separation. That caused us to fear Divine reparation. In fact this love of Divine that is me, Is the ground of my being and the place I am free.
Seeking for home in someplace external Led me within to the love that’s eternal. The Holy Grail is the truth of our being. When we’re vessels of love for everyone’s seeing. Allowing the love that’s in truth who we are. To flow from our hearts to all near and far. So Dorothy’s words take on a new meaning, “There’s no place like home,” Divine love – what we’re seeking. My quest for the Holy Grail will go on Knowing where spiral ends, we’ve only begun.
I cannot say exactly when my search began, but for as long as I can remember, I have felt (what I now know to be) the longing that fuels this search. It was both a longing and a deep inner knowing of a “love” that was deep, abiding, honest, loyal, supportive, and uplifting. In hindsight, I experienced glimpses of this love during the times of silent prayer. But mostly, I was inclined to look outside of myself for that love – primarily in the search for “the one” with whom I would enjoy the fairytale “happily ever after.”
Happily Ever After eluded me, even in marriage to who I thought would be “the man of my dreams.” As my marriage was falling apart, dreams of this elusive love became more potent and urgent. I began having dreams of “the one” and visions of “him” while in prayer. This “one” took on the appearance of any number of Jesus-looking men and started showing up in movies, television, advertisements, etc. Along with “hot Jesus,” a woman cloaked in red began to make her appearance. She revealed herself as Mary, called Magdalene, who I somewhat already knew through my academic studies.
All of this was happening as I was experiencing the most profound emotional and spiritual crisis of my life. The Universe had pulled the rug out from under my feet, and I was in the throes of clinical depression and spiritual collapse. Through the help of a therapist and my spiritual director, I was brought back to the practices I had learned in my ministry training and began a deep, soul-eviscerating dive into the wounded areas of my Soul and began stitching myself back together.
As I was stitching, my marriage came to an end, and I began the search for the “one” to take my now former husband’s place. I continued to believe in a “love out there” that would make me happy, whole, and complete. In this I turned to the romantic ideas of Jesus and Mary Magdalene as ones who have lived and modeled the external love I imagined.
The “one” I dreamed of never came. Instead, what arose out of that search was the profound realization that the love I was seeking for “out there” could only be found within. This is the love that Jesus described as the kingdom of God and which both he and Mary Magdalene embodied in what gnostic scripture refers to as anthropos. This is the love that I have been seeking, nurturing, and cultivating since 1999 when the foundation of my life began its collapse.
As demonstrated by both Jesus and Mary Magdalene, Beloved Partnership is Union with the Divine within. In this Union, we come to know the Love that we are in Union with our Source. In this we know that there is no separation between ourselves and Source. Who and what we are, and our purpose in this life, is to be the full embodiment of the Divine who lives in and dwells through us – through our own unique giftedness and calling.
At 58, I cannot claim to have fully realized Beloved Partnership within, but I am much closer than I ever have been. With this I feel I have the experience and wisdom to share what I have learned of this journey while providing a map for those who have heard a similar calling.
Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “You Complete Me” to Beloved Partnership presents a new model for intimate partnership along with the process for getting there. Happily Ever After recognizes that as long as we are looking outside of ourselves for completion, our relationships are doomed to fail. Through personal narrative, informative dialogue, poetry, mindfulness practices, and creativity exercises; you will be invited to deconstruct existing and former patterns of co-dependency while building the foundation upon which you can find happiness and fulfillment within while preparing for the possibility of a mutually loving and supportive relationship with another. Interdependence, rather than co-dependency is the goal of this book and the outcome of this process.
As the Institutional Church continues its decline, and monastic communities along with it, we are invited to Re-Vision Church, while at the same time re-visioning monasticism. What does it mean to be contemplative, in community, and in service to the betterment of the world without taking vows of chastity and poverty? What does it mean to be called to the contemplative life while living in the modern world? In this week’s lesson, we are going to explore these questions. I invite you to join in this exploration with me!
Church, as we have known it, is dying. Included in this death is the dramatic decline of women and men entering religious orders. In the Eastern Orthodox, Catholic and Episcopal traditions, these monastic orders have been the guardians of the contemplative traditions while dedicating their lives in service to the Divine and to the betterment of our world. These are the women and men who serve the needs of the poor, bring healing to the sick, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and who are continually working for social justice and the rights of the vulnerable and oppressed. These are the people who are “boots on the ground.”
In the modern age, however, the number of those who are “boots on the ground” has drastically declined. To put it simply, few are called to the vows of chastity or poverty that are required for in most monastic orders. Additionally people (in the first world anyway) are not looking toward religious life as an escape or as a means to an education. As our world becomes increasingly pluralistic (embracing the truths present within a multitude of belief systems) and institutional religion continues to decline, there are quite simply fewer to choose from as potential candidates for religious life.
This does not mean, however, that women and men are not looking for what monastic life has provided:
A life centered in contemplation, meditation and prayer.
Spiritual Formation and Empowerment.
A Community of like-minded women and men.
Meaningful and fulfilling work that is both personally enriching and which serves the betterment of the world.
How can women and men get these needs met outside of institutional religion, while embracing a multitude of beliefs?
I have shared this quandary with many of my friends, students and clients. There seems to be a deep hunger among people to connect – and to do so along a similar intention or goal. One friend for example, has carries within him the long-standing vision of building a sustainable community – one whose focus is on agricultural sustainability and permaculture – living away from the distractions of the capitalistic world and providing for their own needs while providing for others. He has seen this as a collaborative collective of like-minded people dedicated to building community, while caring for the earth with sustainable farming practices. This is a vision that he has held for the six years (lifetimes) I have known him. He has been slowly working toward this vision and only recently have the pieces fallen into place which are allowing him to fulfill this vision.
A former student has held a similar vision, but for her the vision isn’t centered on agriculture, but is instead about providing a place for women to be safe (her focus is women who have been abused and their children), where they can heal and become empowered through a sisterhood of supportive women. The focus of this community would be on ritual, healing practice, meditation and prayer. Additionally, shamanic healing practices, counseling and empowerment would be offered to help these women create a new life for themselves – either within or outside of the community.
Another example of attempts that are being made to support women and men in receiving the benefits that monastic life used to provide is the way that many Catholic retreat centers have re-visioned themselves. Many are housed within former convents or monasteries, providing a place of prayer, contemplation, formation, healing and stewardship. The FSPA (Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration) sisters, for example, have several retreat centers that share a common mission – stewardship of the earth, sustainability, contemplation and prayer, outreach to the community.
These are all examples of how women and men are finding creative answers to the deep calling within themselves that would have formerly been met within vowed religious life. The one thing that all of these examples have in common is PLACE. They all require land and buildings – a place people have to go to be a part of these communities. While these examples meet the needs of some, what about the needs of those who are not called to “place”?
I am one of those people, and I suspect if you are part of this community, you might be too. How do we live a monastic life outside the confines of place and within the rhythm of our everyday lives? Most of the women and men in this community have “day jobs” and/or a family to care for. We are called from a wide range of professions, vocational callings and life circumstances – all of which preclude living out a contemplative life defined by place. Instead, we are called to create space within our everyday life for the benefits of monasticism:
A life centered in contemplation, meditation and prayer.
Spiritual Formation and Empowerment.
A Community of like-minded women and men.
Meaningful and fulfilling work that is both personally enriching and which serves the betterment of the world – work which we may or may not get paid for.
It isn’t easy, but it can be done. In order to fulfill this calling we will likely have to defy the rules and conditioning of our patriarchal world – rules that say our value is determined by what we do, how hard we work, how many people know us, how much money we make and by association, what we own. Living a contemplative life in the modern world requires a shifting of priorities – creating space for the above mentioned items. Carving out time for meditation and prayer. Making a commitment to our spiritual formation and to the calling which comes forth from that exploration and study. Taking time to connect with those who are choosing to share in this journey. Turning away from work, relationships, activities and expectations that no longer serve our Divine calling and turning toward that which fulfills and serves the betterment of the world. All of this while ceasing from judging the paths and choices of those within our community, understanding that we are all on our own path – just trying to find our way home (to ourselves and our “God”).
I have been and continue to work on this for myself. I can attest that it is a continued unfolding and a continued deepening. Every day, it seems, I am called more and more fully into living out the contemplative life I have envisioned. This alone is a practice. In addition to my daily meditation and prayer, is the constant evaluation of the rhythm of my life and to what I am giving my energy. Each day I am observing, witnessing, tweeking – what is life giving and what is not? What is an energy drain and what gives me life? What makes me feel safe (peaceful, calm, content) and what is overstimulating, taxing, anxiety-producing? It is an ongoing practice and my hope is that in doing this for myself, I can in turn, support you in doing the same – in the way that works for you! (Not everyone is called to transmute the darkness of the world – you lucky souls! )
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Suggested Spiritual Practice:
In the Christian tradition, Jesus provides the perfect example of the contemplative life.
A life rooted in contemplation and prayer.
Ongoing spiritual formation.
Engagement with a like-minded community.
Meaningful work in service to the betterment of the world.
When his disciples asked Jesus how he did this, he answered was simple, PRAYER. He instructed them as such:
Whenever you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Divine Parent who is in secret; and your Divine Parent who sees in secret will reward you.MT 6:6
Jesus prayed (meditated) a lot! He invited his disciples to do the same. He did this because he knew:
Seek ye first the kingdom of God (within) and everything will be given unto you. MT 6:33
It is within this intimate connection with God that we find ourselves and in finding ourselves, we discover who we are, who we are called to be and how we are called to live our lives. We also find this in the quiet discernment of our heart where we know what is “of God” and what is not.
My invitation to all of this this week, is to enter into our quiet place and ask how we are individually and personally called to live out the contemplative life in our modern world? As the pieces come through for you, please feel free to share them with our community, either in the discussion section below or if you are part of the social network, please share it there.
Lauri Ann Lumby 