I cannot say exactly when my search began, but for as long as I can remember, I have felt (what I now know to be) the longing that fuels this search. It was both a longing and a deep inner knowing of a “love” that was deep, abiding, honest, loyal, supportive, and uplifting. In hindsight, I experienced glimpses of this love during the times of silent prayer. But mostly, I was inclined to look outside of myself for that love – primarily in the search for “the one” with whom I would enjoy the fairytale “happily ever after.”
Happily Ever After eluded me, even in marriage to who I thought would be “the man of my dreams.” As my marriage was falling apart, dreams of this elusive love became more potent and urgent. I began having dreams of “the one” and visions of “him” while in prayer. This “one” took on the appearance of any number of Jesus-looking men and started showing up in movies, television, advertisements, etc. Along with “hot Jesus,” a woman cloaked in red began to make her appearance. She revealed herself as Mary, called Magdalene, who I somewhat already knew through my academic studies.
All of this was happening as I was experiencing the most profound emotional and spiritual crisis of my life. The Universe had pulled the rug out from under my feet, and I was in the throes of clinical depression and spiritual collapse. Through the help of a therapist and my spiritual director, I was brought back to the practices I had learned in my ministry training and began a deep, soul-eviscerating dive into the wounded areas of my Soul and began stitching myself back together.
As I was stitching, my marriage came to an end, and I began the search for the “one” to take my now former husband’s place. I continued to believe in a “love out there” that would make me happy, whole, and complete. In this I turned to the romantic ideas of Jesus and Mary Magdalene as ones who have lived and modeled the external love I imagined.
The “one” I dreamed of never came. Instead, what arose out of that search was the profound realization that the love I was seeking for “out there” could only be found within. This is the love that Jesus described as the kingdom of God and which both he and Mary Magdalene embodied in what gnostic scripture refers to as anthropos. This is the love that I have been seeking, nurturing, and cultivating since 1999 when the foundation of my life began its collapse.
As demonstrated by both Jesus and Mary Magdalene, Beloved Partnership is Union with the Divine within. In this Union, we come to know the Love that we are in Union with our Source. In this we know that there is no separation between ourselves and Source. Who and what we are, and our purpose in this life, is to be the full embodiment of the Divine who lives in and dwells through us – through our own unique giftedness and calling.
At 58, I cannot claim to have fully realized Beloved Partnership within, but I am much closer than I ever have been. With this I feel I have the experience and wisdom to share what I have learned of this journey while providing a map for those who have heard a similar calling.
Happily Ever After – the Transformational Journey from “You Complete Me” to Beloved Partnership presents a new model for intimate partnership along with the process for getting there. Happily Ever After recognizes that as long as we are looking outside of ourselves for completion, our relationships are doomed to fail. Through personal narrative, informative dialogue, poetry, mindfulness practices, and creativity exercises; you will be invited to deconstruct existing and former patterns of co-dependency while building the foundation upon which you can find happiness and fulfillment within while preparing for the possibility of a mutually loving and supportive relationship with another. Interdependence, rather than co-dependency is the goal of this book and the outcome of this process.
Lauri Ann Lumby 