As I write this at 9:46am on Saturday, October 28^th, I just finished listening to my favorite online astrologer, Lori Lothian, deliver her “Saturn direct” reading for November. As it turns out, I was born with Saturn in Pisces – exactly where Saturn finds himself now. Repeating these cycles every 29 years or so, I am in the midst of my second Saturn return. I share this because it is relevant to where I find myself at this exact moment in my spiritual/vocational journey.

In 1993 when I experienced my first Saturn return, I had the “brick to the head” experience that launched me into seven years of ministry training and the discovery, activation, and deepening of my calling. All this was done with and in the Catholic Church.

In 2003 I left formal church ministry and took my work into the secular world. Since 2003 that work has evolved, unfolded, and taken on many external forms. My heart and my soul were rooted in the Jesus I had come to know and the Mary Magdalene that was his closest companion and the one who most fully understood his teachings and who was then sent forth to continue the mission of Love after Jesus’ death. Now I found myself, however, having to “sell” my work to a secular audience who might most accurately be called “spiritual but not religious.” The ways I attempted to market this work to a diverse audience were many, taking on many different names and forms.  But only on the outside. While the packaging may have changed, the materials inside were the same:

Rooted in scripture. Grounded in contemplative practice. Defined by scholarship.

In the last several years, I have found all that I had attempted falling away. Piece by piece by broken piece, everything I had worked for in the past 30 years has died.

Or so it seemed.

I surrendered to the dying. I grieved the loss. I have spent more time in the VOID than anyone should have to spend. Empty. Nothing left to pursue. Nothing new to create. No visible paths. Nothing but the blackest of blackness where nothing remains but from which all of creation emerges.

Then last week something shifted. For the first time in 30 years I saw the whole truth of something that had been blocking my access to my full power. I saw it. I unhooked myself from it. I bore witness to the kickback (there’s always a kickback when we deprive something of the power we’d been giving it). I sat in the fullness of the liberation.

Then the floodgates opened and carried me right back to where I began (sort of). What came forth out of that return is a complete overhaul/return to the origin of my work along with a recognition – not of what I formerly wanted – but rather, what already is.

The Order of the Magdalene is already fully formed. The community has already been gathering. The formation was already whole in its original form. Why not own it and quit:

• Asking permission.
• Trying to meet everybody’s needs.
• Trying to appeal to everyone.
• Using other people’s language.
• Competing with shiny objects.
• Trying to be shiny.
• Comparing myself with others.
• Questioning and doubting.

This is who I am and what I do. Period.  Doing the work of Love as was exampled by Jesus and Mary Magdalene. Honoring the tradition from which I came. Recognizing the wisdom of scripture (canonical and non-canonical). Celebrating my own monastic calling. Embracing the gifts of contemplation. Remaining rooted in scholarship.

In short – keeping it real.

If you’re one who likes to keep it real – please check out The Order of the Magdalene 2023 Reboot.  Back to where I belong.

And thank you for all those who have been with me throughout this crazy journey. I am grateful for you!

With love,

Lauri