Unleashing Your Light

We will never truly be free until we confront our shadow.  The shadow is all of the parts of ourselves that have not been fully integrated: 

  • Everything we have denied.
  • Everything we suppress.
  • Everything we repress.
  • All the parts of ourselves we judge as negative so we hide them away from the world.
  • Our unacknowledged fears.
  • Our unhealed wounds.
  • The parts of our nature, personality or temperament that we reject.
  • The parts of ourselves we hide as they are judged as unworthy by our society.

The challenge with the shadow is that (as the Buddhists say), “What we resist will persist.”  Hiding, ignoring, denying, imprisoning, bargaining away these parts of ourselves actually does the opposite.  Instead of staying hidden, these parts of ourselves come out sideways – often in non-loving behaviors toward ourselves or others. 

If we do not confront our shadow and do the difficult work of bringing it to the light so that it can be healed, transformed and re-integrated, then we will never be free.  Without doing our shadow work, we will be forever condemned to “a life of quiet desperation” and our lives will amount to nothing because until we are free we will never know peace.

But herein lays the challenge.  Few are willing to stand toe to toe with their own inner demons and even fewer have the courage to keep standing there until all their wounds are healed and they are truly free.  Instead, they would rather avoid the shadow work while chasing after shiny objects – the illusion of achievement, success, money, power, and fame.  In the meantime, their shadow is coming out sideways, hurting themselves and all the people around them.  In the end, what they resist will be their demise.


Courses for Unleashing Your Light

Stop Hiding Your Magic!

Each and every one of us is uniquely gifted to be a vessel through which the Divine is revealed in our world.  Some are gifted with the magic of teaching, others with healing, others with prophecy, support, guidance, compassion, mercy, humility, discernment, service, etc.  (In the Catholic Church is which I was raised, these gifts are known as charisms – gifts of the Holy Spirit.)  As part of our birthright, each and every one of us was imbued with some special magic. 

When engaged with this magic, in service to the betterment of the world, and in service to the Divine who seeks to live through us and be known through us, miracles happen.  Miracles happen because it is not we who are doing the magic; it is the Divine working through us.  It is through these unique gifts that the Divine plan of Love is made real on this plane and through which we have the opportunity to co-create heaven on earth. 

The problem is that early on, most of us learned that the world in which we were living was not a safe place for us to acknowledge, recognize, or share our magic.  We learn this when somewhere along the line, we dared to share a glimpse of our magic, and someone condemned us for it, made fun of us for it, we are told we were crazy because of it, or that our magic is the “work of the devil.”  As a result, our magic got hidden away. 

We hide our magic because the world is afraid of our gifts.  Our magic can’t be contained, defined, or even explained.  It doesn’t fit into the tiny little box humanity has crafted for itself.  It is for the sake of trying to fit into this too-small world that we hide our magic away. 

Without our magic, however, we are condemned to live a life of quiet desperation, forever longing for that which cannot be named. We look outside of ourselves for the satisfaction to this longing (shopping, food, drugs, alcohol, sex, TV, gambling, etc. etc. etc.), and find nothing but fleeting moments of “satisfaction” that ultimately leave us longing for more.  We suffer depression, anxiety, panic attacks, chronic pain, and unexplainable illnesses. This is the price of hiding our magic.  We might fit into the too- small world, but we find no joy in doing so. 

Even when we hide our magic, we still don’t fit in, because our magic can never be fully hidden.  Our magic leaks out of the corners of our being and no matter how hard we try, others know we are different.  We are thought of as strange, weird, or simply unconventional.  People grow uncomfortable in our presence and for no fault of our own they try to stay clear of us.  Our magic, even when we are hiding it, wakes people up….and some people do not want to be awakened.  Our magic, even when we think we have it contained, triggers other people’s unhealed wounds and unacknowledged fears.  They are then sure we are to blame and they project their wounds upon us.  This is the price of our magic – whether we hide it or not; but this is why we were given our magic in the first place.

We were given our magic for the sake of turning the world from fear into love.  We were gifted with our magic to serve the betterment of the world and the conscious evolution of the human race.  We were given our magic so that we might be healed and so that others might find healing through our presence and support.  We were gifted with our magic so that we might know love and all the world with us.

Don’t you think it’s time to stop hiding our Magic?????


Courses to help identify and then unleash your magic!

Beware the Toxic Feminine

I might suggest that women have more to fear from other women then they do from men. Specifically, the threat about which I am referring is that which arises out of the toxic and/or patriarchally complicit woman.

The toxic patriarchal man is indeed a threat, but we know what we’re getting. The toxic masculine is easy to spot. They wear their violence like a badge of honor. Flexing their muscles. Waving their automatic weapons around. Proud of their objectification of women. Maintaining the adage, “spare the rod and spoil the child,” they treat everyone as inferior to them and worthy of their abuse.

The toxic feminine, in contrast, is sneaky and insidious. Talking sweet to your face. Hiding their true intentions. Making promises they never plan to keep. Fawning over and manipulating those who serve their cause. Feigning friendship and pretending trust when all they really want is to get you into their trap. Pretending confidence and strength when in truth they are jealous and insecure. These are the women who can’t stand to see other women succeed and who see all other women as competition.  These women pretend to be a source of support while undermining other women behind their back.

The toxic feminine is that which benefits from toxic masculinity and patriarchal culture. They thrive on what they “get” from being a woman of privilege and are happy to sell their souls for patriarchal attention. If another woman gets in their way, they will do everything in their power to destroy them. Politically, the toxic feminine are those who enthusiastically endorse the patriarchal, hierarchical, predominantly white status quo and who will viscously attack anything that challenges their position of perceived power. These are the women who willfully voted against the Equal Rights Amendment and who vote “Pro-Life” while eager to deny food, clothing, medical care, and shelter to those forced to give birth.

While the latter presents the extreme version of the toxic feminine, they are all a danger to the evolution of our society, and to women specifically. Beware of the Toxic Feminine


Healing the Patriarchal Wound

begins by reclaiming the Holy Feminine within us. Click on the images below to learn more and enroll in these Divine Feminine online master classes:

How the Ancestors Support Our Journey

I want to thank you dear friend and former classmate, Diya Dannu for inviting me as a guest in her podcast, Mother’s Womb, Mother’s Milk. This is the first of a four-part series.

In this episode, we explore the following questions:

  • What do you understand self-actualization to be?
  • What was your process of self-actualization and how did your ancestral mothers contribute to this process?
  • Do you remember your dreams? Have they contributed to this journey?
  • What parts of your ancestry (geographical locations and cultural connections in addition to biology) have contributed?
  • Do any prehistoric figures (mythological) show up to be a guiding force?
  • Bring forth anything else you feel is relevant!

Learn more about Diya’s work:


Alaya A Dannu, MA (aka Diya Dannu) is completing her doctoral degree in Education Leadership for Change at Fielding University. Her topic of inquiry explores the transmission of ancestral memory across generations experienced through dreams, focusing on a re-emergent Mother Goddess tradition of her foremothers. She has written several essays on the subject matter, contributing to ezines and specialized platforms such as the blog for Feminism and Religion, Magoism, and DreamTime Magazine. Her three-year, three-month, and three-week ancestral pilgrimage which was crafted and revealed to her by her ancestors in her dreams, has served to reinforce the importance of knowing and honoring one’s origins, true identity, and purpose in life. She is a spiritual guide, creative artist, and sacred dancer. Her engagement with the creative arts is directly related to the images and teachings experienced in her dreams. She is also a member of the Diversity Advisory Committee of the International Association for the Study of Dreams, advocating for more awareness and inclusivity of BIPOC dreams and dreaming traditions within dream research and studies.

There Are No Shortcuts!

On the journey toward self-realization, self-actualization, wholeness (whatever word you use for this), there are no shortcuts. And yet, I am continually confronted by those who refuse to do the work. 

  • They become bored and disinterested.
  • The work turns out to be “too hard.”
  • They are unwilling to let go of the things blocking their journey.
  • They bail out the first time their ego attachments are challenged.
  • They cling to their victimhood.
  • They give up the work in favor of shiny objects and false promises.
  • They think they can just think the right thoughts and become self-actualized.
  • They believe a gratitude practice alone will make them whole.
  • They believe they are already enlightened.
  • They think the journey ends with ascension.
  • They find every way to escape the real work by focusing on surface practices only.
  • When the journey doesn’t make them rich, bring them fame or glory, or bring the man/woman of their dreams, they become disinterested and walk away.

The journey of self-actualization has absolutely nothing to do with anything outside of us. It has everything to do with what is within. And it takes work.  HARD WORK. There are no shortcuts!

We cannot “Lala” our way to self-actualization. In fact, spiritual bypass guarantees the journey will fail. As the Buddhists say, “What we resist will persist.”  The more we resist the inherent drive to evolve and become whole, the more we will suffer because of it. The more we ignore the deep healing work that is required to become whole, the more we will suffer.  The more we ignore the inner obstacles to our freedom, the greater our suffering will be. This suffering, I have found, is more difficult than simply doing the work. We can suffer a life of quiet desperation, or uncover the inner peace, contentment, fulfillment, and joy that is inherent within us through the journey of self-realization.

The obstacles to self-actualization are many:

  • Unhealed wounds
  • Past conditioning
  • Ego-attachments
  • Trauma
  • Attachment to the status quo
  • Attachment to material/external results.
  • Anything we have suppressed or repressed.

The seven cardinal compulsions are all manifestations of these obstacles: pride, sloth, greed, envy, wrath, lust (for power), and gluttony.

The journey toward self-actualization invites us to remove these obstacles through deep processes of inner transformation and healing. With every obstacle that is removed, another aspect of our true nature becomes liberated, and we take another step toward the freedom of our original natures.

Jesus spoke of the difficulty of the journey toward self-actualization when he spoke of the narrow gate and the eye of the needle:

“Enter through the narrow gate, for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and those who find it are few in number.” Matthew 7: 13-14

 “Amen, I say to you, it will be difficult for one attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for someone who is attached to material things to enter the kingdom of heaven.”  Matthew 19: 23-24

There are no shortcuts! If we truly seek wholeness and the inner fulfillment that comes through the journey of self-actualization we must do the work! 


Supporting Your Journey of Self-Actualization:

Authentic Freedom is a protocol and practice developed by Lauri Ann Lumby which supports you in identifying and then healing the fears that have kept you imprisoned by your past wounding and cultural conditioning.

Through recorded lessons, reading, discussion, mindfulness and creativity practices, you will be given the tools to identify, heal and transform the fears that:

There is not enough.
You are insignificant and have nothing of value to offer the world.
You cannot live as our most authentic selves.
You are not loved (or that love has to be earned or can be taken away).
You are not free to express our truth.
You do not know the truth.
You are alone.

At the end of this course, you will have the tools to support you in the continued liberation from your fears and the conditioning that has placed them there.

Becoming Sovereign

The Kabbalah is a mirror in which is reflected the fiery intelligence that has caused humanity to rise beyond all other species of creatures on the earth – a fiery intelligence that makes us self-aware and empowers us with the capacity of a conscious evolution far beyond our present state.  – Tau Malachi from his book, Gnosis of the Cosmic Christ

6 online lessons

Done at your own pace

With facilitated discussion

Purpose of the Kabbalah

to find answers to these basic questions

  • The destiny of humankind and the purpose of each individual.
  • The nature of the human soul and its connection to the Divine.
  • The nature and attributes of the Divine.
  • The inner meaning of the revealed scriptures.
  • The mysteries and power contained in the Hebrew letters.
  • The mystery of the divine incarnation and the divine plan on earth.

Benefits of engaging with the Kabbalah

  • Provides us with a map of the journey of consciousness evolution.
  • Supports us in understanding the various stages along that path.
  • Guides us in identifying and overcoming the challenges to our Soul’s evolution.
  • Empowers us in becoming sovereign beings – whole and complete within ourselves in our unique giftedness and purpose.

Becoming Sovereign provides an introduction to one of the most ancient and primordial mystical traditions in the world – the Kabbalah.

The Kabbalah, as it is known today, is the tradition of Jewish mysticism which emerged in written form during the middle ages, but whose oral tradition predates the written by hundreds, if not thousands of years. 

The Kabbalah, in its broadest sense is at once a cosmology, a belief system, and a practice. For our purposes here, Becoming Sovereign will introduce the basic tools of the Kabbalah including knowledge of:

  • The Tree of Life
  • The Sefirot (emanations of the Divine)
  • The Divine Name
  • The Hebrew Letters and their spiritual meanings
  • Angels and Archangels
  • The significance of the Holy Bride

The lessons provided here are excerpts of the longer and more in-depth training provided in the Order of Melchizedek Alchemist Training. Becoming Sovereign stands on its own as an introduction course, and can become a source of inspiration for taking your studies farther through the Order of Melchizedek Training. You might also deepen your knowledge and experience of the Kabbalah through our Mary Magdalene and the Path of the Holy Bride online training.

Beyond the Law of Attraction

The Secret, The Law of Attraction, and New Thought Technology all espouse the idea that our thoughts dictate our reality – either drawing to us or standing in the way of our receiving. The common formula is:

Bad thoughts = Bad circumstances

Good thoughts = Good circumstances and the outcomes we desire

All three of these schools of thought are rooted in a) the law of cause and effect and b) the actions of the ego.

Cause and Effect

The law of cause and effect says that that every action or thought causes an equal effect. In the case of the law of attraction, the effect is determined by the negative or positive “vibration” of the action or thought. The law of cause and effect fits equally within the field of physics, as it does in the ideas of karma and natural law. The law of cause and effect is wholly dependent on dualistic consciousness and the physical realities that exist within the 2d and 3d worlds.

Ego

Egoic consciousness is that which presumes that as individuals we have control over the circumstance and outcomes of our lives. Egoic consciousness arises out of the perception of separation – that we are somehow separate from Source, Soul, ourselves, each other, and all of creation. Egoic consciousness places us in the position of being the makers of our own realities, in essence making ourselves into gods. Furthermore, egoic consciousness (also known as pride) tempts us into believing we are not only the makers of our realities, but that when the outcome is good, believing that we are somehow especially blessed by God. Alternatively, pride also tempts us into believing that when bad things happen to us, that God must be punishing us, or alternatively, that we are at fault for “thinking the wrong thoughts.”  Finally, it is ego that defines God as outside of us, and as a being who closely resembles human beings in thought, behavior, and actions.

Duality

The Law of Attraction (et.al) are based in duality and have their function solely in the 1d-3d worlds.  Because dimensions of consciousness are on a continuum, we may witness some remnants of the Law of Attraction at work in the 4d and 5d realms. Once we move beyond the 5d realm, however, these laws no longer apply. Neither is pride at work in our judgments of our reality.

Union

In the fifth dimension, we move from duality to union. In 5d we no longer see ourselves as separate from each other, creation, and God. Instead, we understand and are operating out of a place of oneness.  We feel the peace and harmony that comes forth from this state of union and we operate out of a state of love.

Consciousness Evolution

The fifth dimension is not, however, the final destination of our consciousness evolution. Beyond 5d we step forth into the vast realm of dimensions that are fluid in nature, undefinable, and varying in density as we move about this fluid realm. In 6d and beyond, not only has the perception of separation fallen away, so has the egoic function of judgment. Here we can no longer give ourselves credit for the circumstances of our lives, neither can we give the credit to that which some might call “God.”  Instead, we understand that we are simply a part of an ever moving and evolving creativity and that every individual and circumstance is part of that unfolding creation. Source is manifesting itself through all that is – both that which we may have formerly judged as good and bad.  Beyond 5d there is no judgment. Everything simply is – including the circumstances of our own life. Everything is simply unfolding according to the movement of Source, as itself and within all of creation. 

Beyond 5d

Arriving at the dimensions beyond 5d takes place in increments as we do the inner work of freeing ourselves from dualism. Freedom from dualism begins with healing the wounds, perceptions, and conditioning that have anchored us in duality – all that which has been rooted in judgment, separation, fear, shame, guilt, pride, sloth, lust for power, envy, competition, gluttony, hatred, and greed. Freedom from dualism transports us out of our discrimination, bigotry, comparison, otherism, and sexism, and brings us to a place of compassion, understanding, generosity, and acceptance.

Sovereign Participant

Beyond 5d we arrive at a place of inner sovereignty, where we have left behind the heavy work of self-transformation (there is always inner transformation to do but this is no longer our focus) and are now open to simply being a part of the never ending unfolding of creation. We come to accept the experience of our lives, simply as it is, trusting that it is all part of the great unfolding. Here there is no need to change what is, but simply to accept it and surrender to the flow, knowing and trusting that all that is coming forth in our lives is as Source intends it. Here we are a willing participant with the Universe in its unfolding. In this state, we are deeply attuned to the subtle movement of the Universe and to its guidance and direction in our lives and willingly respond to it. We also have become adept at refraining from the temptation to manipulate or attempt to control our lives by taking action that is not prompted by the inner promptings of Source, likely because we have learned better through our prior attempts to do otherwise. At more subtle levels of consciousness, the idea of freewill becomes no longer relevant, because what was formerly “our” will is now solely subject to the workings of Source.

Spiritual Obedience

This level of sovereignty is spoken of in both Hebrew and Christian scripture. Paul spoke of Jesus in the role of sovereign participant in his Letter to the Hebrews:

Though he was in the form of God,
he did not regard equality with God
as something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
being born in human likeness.
Being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself,
and became obedient to death,
even death on a cross.

Phil 2: 6-8

Jesus himself spoke of this sovereign participation:

For I have come down from heaven
not to do my own will
but the will of him who sent me.

John 6: 38

And again:

I and the Father are one…

the Father is in me
and I am in the Father.

John 10: 30, 38b

It is only at this level of consciousness evolution that we can comprehend Jesus speaking of being One with Source (that which he called Abwoon which has been translated as Father) and understand the sovereign participation that allowed him to surrender to his own suffering and death, “not my will but yours be done (Luke 22:42)”.

Reflection Questions:  What have been your experiences with the Law of Attraction, etc.?

How are you being invited beyond 3d consciousness to sovereign participation?


Courses which support Sovereignty

When Our Heroes Fail Us

One of the top news articles this week is related to an incident where His Holiness the Dalai Lama (trigger warning) asked a little boy to suck his tongue. The compassionate part of me wants to hope that the Dalai Lama must be suffering from some degenerative cognitive condition to have behaved in such a way. The part of me that worked in the Catholic Church, and had firsthand witness of, and counseled many through the untold horrors of clerical abuse, suspects otherwise.

My experiences in the Catholic Church and otherwise have taught me the dangers of clericalism – no matter what robes the clerics are dressed in.  In the same way that the Roman collar does not make one immune to bad behavior, neither do the saffron or maroon robes of Buddhism. In fact, I’ve witnessed some of the worst abuses of power coming from those who claim to be Buddhist. While religious doctrine might tell us otherwise, no man is God. Therefore, no man is immune to the temptations of power, especially when that power is cloaked in perceived affection. Further, neither a celibate life nor spiritual practice elevates one beyond sensual pleasures, no matter how much one might argue otherwise.

We may never know if mental illness, arrested development, or perversion drove the Dalai Lama’s behavior. What we do know is that this behavior created a wave of shock and horror among those who understand the ramifications of his behavior. We also know that his spokespeople rushed to excuse and then defend the Lama’s actions, “Westerners are looking at this from a Western lens.”  (I call bullshit on that excuse. The Dalai Lama and his fellow monks have been immersed in Western culture since the 1950’s.  They should know better!)  We also know that the vast majority of those following this story are likely in shock and disbelief.  Finally, it is likely that many of the Dalai Lama’s followers and fans are trying to deny that it even happened.

This is what happens when our heroes fail. When those we have placed upon a pedestal reveal their humanness, we are hurled into the process of grief.  First, we try to deny that the event happened.  Then we try to bargain it away. In this bargaining we might try to make excuses for our hero or defend their actions as “really not that bad,” or “no big deal.” We might become defensive toward those who try to point out the so-called hero’s humanness. Once we have moved beyond denial and bargaining and can finally admit that perhaps our hero isn’t so perfect after all, and that the behavior was inappropriate or wrong, then we may become angry. We become enraged over the behavior, and even more so, we feel deeply betrayed which naturally triggers our wrath. We may find ourselves depressed and despondent over the disappointment and sense of betrayal. Finally, we might weep. Weeping for the loss of the hero and weeping for our own lost innocence.

No man is God. And yet, for the past 5000-10000 years, humanity has been putting individuals in the place of God. From tribal priests, to kings, to gurus, to popes, to lamas, to rabbis, to ministers, to movie and TV celebrities, to talk show hosts, to influencers, etc. human beings have turned to those outside of themselves as the source of truth and salvation. Institutions have created mythology, doctrine, and laws around these outside perceived authorities and have actively recruited people to worship them.

Through centuries of (often shame or fear-based) indoctrination, human beings have forgotten that the source of truth is within them and has been all along. While we may see our own truth reflected in the writings of the Dalai Lama, Jesus, Mohammed, Mother Teresa, Marianne Williamson, or Anandamayi Ma, the individual is not the source of that truth. Neither are they a god to be worshipped. Human beings, no matter how holy they are made out to be, are imperfect and flawed. 

Human beings, no matter how spiritual, will fail, and the higher the pedestal upon which we place them, the greater will be their fall. The remedy to this inevitable failure is that we stop making other human beings our gods and embrace the only true source of authority – that which resides within.

As it relates to the Dalai Lama, I pray that if he is cognitively impaired, that he be supported in getting help for his impairment. If he is not, and this was an act of arrested development or perversion, I pray that he, and the Tibetan community around him get the help they need. Even more, I pray for the child that he be assured that the actions of the Lama were wrong, and that his parents and those who care for him provide a safe and loving place where he can process the actions of a man he may have been led to believe was god.


The Authentic Freedom Protocol

supports you in accessing, discerning, and living from your own inner truth while helping you to identify and transcend the fears and unhealed wounds that might otherwise hinder you from living that truth.

When the Rejected Becomes the Cornerstone

This week I was given a lived experience of a lesson I had planned for my online community. Instead, of being able to present the lesson, however, I was writhing on my couch in the lived experience of it. Interestingly, it is not unusual that I am required to live out a lesson before I’m able to share it.

The lesson I had planned was based on the following psalm:

The stone which the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.

Psalm 118

The Stone

This is how I came to live out the planned lesson:

I have a medical condition called chronic vestibular neuritis. What this means is layperson’s terms is that a virus caused permanent damage to my vestibular nerve.

From Wikipedia: The vestibular nerve plays an implicit role in maintaining blood pressure, maintaining balance control, spatial memory and spatial navigation during movement. 

Damage to the vestibular nerve can lead to intermittent and ongoing issues of vertigo, giddiness, sensitivity to light and sound, and migraines. This is exactly how I have experienced this disorder. I’ve exhausted all efforts in seeking a cure or effective treatment and have found neither. Instead, I’m stuck with the reality of this disorder:

  1. Due to this disorder, I can no longer drive on highways or long distances.
  2. Due to this disorder, I am often stricken with giddiness (feeling unbalanced, dizzy, or light headed).
  3. Due to this disorder, I am sometimes stricken with an excruciatingly painful migraine that might be limited to my head and neck, or sometimes encompasses my whole body.

Changes in barometric pressure or dramatic weather changes can trigger my symptoms. Wine is sometimes a trigger. Poor seating ergonomics and too much time on my computer are also triggers. Sometimes I can’t point my finger at what the cause might be. The position of the stars? A comet flying past? Solar flares?  Who knows!?

The Rejection

This week I was struck by the symptoms of this disorder and was forced to spend two days on the couch.

To say I hate that I have this condition would be an understatement.  Since 2016, when I was first stricken with the virus that caused vestibular nerve damage, I have struggled with the ongoing and intermittent symptoms. Mostly I have struggled with the limitations caused by this disorder.  I hate that I am no longer free to just get in my car and drive where I want.  I hate that I have to ask my friends or my children to drive me. I hate that there are some days when even local driving is excruciating – like on those bad weather days where the wind is blowing, snow is pouring down, and my windshield wipers are going. Between the pressure and the movement, I feel like I’m going to die.

My overachieving workaholic “needs to be productive to feel valued” self, hates that there are many days where I am completely unable to work because the pain, the light, the sounds, the smells, and any kind of movement forces me to retreat into darkness.  I writhe in pain while wallowing in the inner voices of chastisement telling me I’m being weak and lazy for not pushing through the pain to get things done. UGH!  (Who said the “protestant work ethic” was a good thing?  I’m not even Protestant!)

In short, chronic vestibular neuritis and all its accompanying symptoms has been a stone that I have rejected. I have hated this about myself. I have been frustrated at the medical professional’s inability to offer me an effective treatment or cure. Even the diagnosis took years to confirm (I knew what it was through my own research YEARS before my doctor could tell me what it was!). I have grown tired of all those well-meaning folks who try to offer up their own cures and treatments for something about which they do not know.

The Cornerstone

During all these many years of rejecting the stone of vestibular neuritis, has also been the whispering invitation of surrender and acceptance. After exhausting all other efforts, what choice does one really have?  I can continue to be angry, frustrated, resentful, impatient, and condemning of my symptoms, but what good does that do me?  Instead, (along with the accompanying symptoms of grief) I have tried to look at what this disorder might be inviting me into.  The invitation is really quite obvious and is known in what the disorder has forced me to do:

  1. Be vulnerable and humble enough to ask for and accept help with those things I can no longer do for myself (like drive).
  2. Take advantage of my good days. Do what I can do, without pushing myself and let go of the rest.
  3. Surrender to the bad days. It’s ok to do nothing. It’s ok to cancel plans. It’s ok to forego commitments.

The more subtle invitation has been to reorder and restructure my life away from my workaholic tendencies, and toward a gentler, more ease-full flow. No longer do I feel the need to fit into the standard American model of work. I have more and more fully embraced the fact that I couldn’t work a “regular job” if I tried. Only in running my own business do I have the freedom to work in a way that is necessary to maintain my health (oh yeah…..there’s that degenerative kidney disease I have too) and respond to my unpredictably changing symptoms.

In doing this, the rejected stone of chronic illness has become the cornerstone upon which the current foundation of my life is established.

What have you rejected about your own life experience that might be seeking to become a cornerstone?


Learn more about Soul School

and all we have to offer in the way of online courses, one-on-one spiritual counseling, books, and more HERE.

Mary Magdalene – The First Witness

an excerpt from my online course Resurrecting the Magdalene – part of the Magdalene Priestess Training.

Lesson Five:

In this lesson, we explore the four gospel accounts of the Resurrection of Jesus.  When read side-by-side, what immediately becomes obvious is how much these four accounts differ from one another.  Did an angel appear first, or Jesus?  Did Jesus appear at all or did the disciples only witness an “angel” and an empty tomb? If Jesus did show himself, to whom did he appear – Mary Magdalene alone, Mary in the company of other women, Peter and/or the unnamed disciple? 

First Witness

Modern-day scripture scholars have helped us to understand the marked differences between the four gospels, not just in the disparity between the resurrection accounts, but in all that differs from one gospel to the next.  A few bullet points to help us understand this disparity:

  • In the first three centuries after Jesus’ death, hundreds of communities developed around his teachings, each led by one of the original disciples (with the exception of St. Paul) or others who closely followed Jesus, and their subsequent followers.
  • Each of these communities had their own version of the Jesus story and his teachings.
  • These stories were not written down until 30-70 years after Jesus’ death.  These writing were derived from oral tradition first (think of the telephone game) and it is unlikely that they are first-hand accounts. 
  • These stories were written by a specific author, speaking to a specific audience, desiring to make a specific point.  For example, the gospel of Matthew was written to a Jewish audience and attempts to prove, through the use of Hebrew scripture references, that Jesus was the foretold and promised Messiah. 
  • The literary genre of the gospels is unique unto its self, yet is consistent with the Jewish practice of Midrash – an interpretive and reflective narrative meant to plumb the deeper spiritual meaning within a religious text or teaching.  In other words, the gospels were never meant to be taken as literal truth. 
  • Only four of these hundreds of communities’ versions of the Jesus story made the “cut” and were included in what we now know as The Bible.  This decision was first asserted by Irenaeus in the second century because these specific books supported the political agenda of the emerging Church.  This decision was verified in the fourth century after Christianity was named the official religion of the Roman Empire, because these writings supported the political agenda of the Roman Emperor, Constantine. 
  • Many of the stories contained within the books that “made the cut” were redacted (altered) to fit the specific agenda of the emerging Church, first, and later, the Roman Empire (more on this when we discuss the gospel of John).

The bottom line is that we have no way of knowing the literal truth of any of the gospels, only that they communicate stories that were handed down for many years before they were written down by specific people for a specific audience, based on what they remembered or, more likely, what they wanted their audience to believe about Jesus, his life, and his teachings.  That is not to say, however, that the gospels do not contain deep and profound truths – especially when we extract the gospel stories from the doctrine that has been developed around then, bringing them into our own prayer, and allowing God to reveal the truths contained within the stories that are personally relevant to us in our own journeys. 

Teacher

Beyond our own personal reflections on the gospels, there are a few things we may be able to surmise from the texts, especially for our current purpose of understanding what might really have taken place during the events surrounding Jesus’ resurrection.

  • In each and every gospel account, Mary Magdalene is named as one who is witness to the resurrection.  The same cannot be said of any other “named” witness.
  • Scripture scholars further highlight this point in noting that Mary is named.  Scholarly consensus holds that for a woman to have been named, she must have had a central and critical role in the story of Jesus (remember, women had no personal value within the culture of first-century Palestine).  Mary is named in every gospel account of the resurrection, including that portrayed in the Gospel of Mary Magdalene (one of those that didn’t make the cut).   
  • Beyond being named in scripture as witness to the resurrection, Tradition has always honored Mary Magdalene as first witness to the resurrection, so much so that in the very early Church, Mary was identified as “Apostle to the Apostles,” for this is what she was.

“But what about Peter?” we might ask.  He is named in both the gospel of Luke and the gospel of John.  There is an easy explanation for Peter being named in Luke’s gospel.  Scripture scholars tell us it is unlikely that the author of Luke was a direct follower of Jesus.  Instead, Luke was most likely a follower of St. Paul, who actually never met Jesus personally.  Paul (as Saul of Tarsus) was initially a persecutor of the followers of Jesus, himself ordering the stoning of St. Stephen, the first martyr.  Paul later had some sort of mystical experience through which he encountered the risen Christ and then became a champion for the Jesus cause.  Paul likely gained his knowledge of the Jesus story from Peter and the other male disciples who presided over the first Christian community in Jerusalem, long after Mary Magdalene left the scene (more on that in the next lesson).  By this time, it is likely that the Petrine (Peter) agenda had already been cemented within the Jerusalem community.  Because Mary played such an integral part in the resurrection experience, she could not be omitted altogether, but her role was easily downplayed by having Peter, himself, witness to the empty tomb.   

Then there is the gospel of John.  John’s gospel is markedly different from any of the other gospels and seems to be of a genre unto itself – a gospel that is a theological reflection on the first 100 years of the Jesus movement and on some of the traditions, rituals, and practices that had already become part of the emerging Christian tradition.  While one of the later gospels written, John’s gospel also possesses parts of the Mary Magdalene tradition that are not present (or are downplayed) in the other gospels including the Wedding at Cana, the story of the Samaritan Woman at the Well and the Anointing at Bethany.  In regards to the story of the resurrection, John’s gospel presents a study in contrasts.  First, Mary goes to the tomb.  She then runs to tell Peter, who comes to the tomb to see that it is empty.  After Peter (and the unnamed disciple) departs Mary sticks around and has a direct and personal encounter with Jesus, who then tells her to go tell the other disciples. 

Mystic

John 20: 1-18

20 Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.

So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”

So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.) 10 Then the disciples went back to where they were staying.

11 Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12 and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

13 They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”

“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” 14 At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

15 He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).

17 Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”

18 Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.

The conflicting information in this gospel has confounded me for years, until I brought this reading into deep prayer and meditation.  Through this approach, the answer became glaringly obvious.  The gospel of John contains two separate stories of the resurrection account – one in which Mary is the witness, another where Peter is given privilege.  It is my personal belief that the passage regarding Peter was inserted into the Mary story to suit the later Christian Church (second – third century) who sought to put forth a decidedly patriarchal and hierarchical agenda and who had already designated Peter (in tradition if not in fact) leader of the early Church and the first Pope (Historically, Peter never acted in any role similar to that of Pope.  There is also doubt as to whether or not he actually made it as far as Rome).  Within this agenda, there can be no room for a woman who was obviously commissioned to a leadership role by none other than Jesus, himself.  But, don’t take my word for it.  Go back and re-read the resurrection account from John – first including the text highlighted in red, then without that portion of the text, and then decide for yourself. 

Liberator

Mary Magdalene Courses with Lauri Ann Lumby