demons

When Your Demons Come Home to Roost

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Letters from Hell #6

Today is a bad day. This has been a difficult weekend. For no (every) reason whatsoever, I have been feeling profoundly sad bordering on depressed. This is a stuck kind of sorrow compounded by a prescription antidepressant that makes it really difficult for me to cry. I feel like I’ve got a 20 ton boulder sitting on my chest, just behind my sternum.

Usually, I know what to do with this kind of sorrow.  I sit with it. I allow myself to feel it. I apply Tonglen or Ho’oponopono to it. This time, neither seem to be budging the load.

I allowed myself a weekend of self-care. I planned for nothing and allowed myself to simply rest. I didn’t much have a choice as I’ve also been feeling the consequences of autumn allergies. To put it bluntly I feel like SH*T. I don’t do well when I’m sick. I tend to fall into judgment, self-loathing, and self-flagellation at the hands of my inner critic who looks an awful lot like the “Shame nun” from Game of Thrones. “Shame.  Shame.  Shame.”

I’m not good at being vulnerable. I feel embarrassed and ashamed. I don’t want to invite anyone into my vulnerability. There is really nothing anyone can say that will make it better when I’m feeling this way. I know I just need to wait it out.

This morning I wrote in my journal.  These are the words that surfaced:

Taking this moment to pause. Suffering fall allergies and the pure exhaustion of a forced life. How much have I forced my self to be and do ____________ instead of just being myself. I’m tired. I feel stuck, but I’m not sure I really care. I’ve worn out my dreams.

I’ve worn out my dreams.

My dreams of a forever love.

Dreams of becoming a successful writer.

Fantasies of becoming a sought-after teacher.

Herein lies at least one face of this deep sorrow. I’m grieving. I’m grieving the failure of the goals, wishes, and dreams I had for my life and which I pursued with a vengeance. No one can say that I didn’t try (though I know some who will tell me I didn’t try hard enough or in the right way – to them I say, whatever).

Life doesn’t always give us what we want. And when we don’t get what we want, we can be like Sisyphus vainly attempting to roll the boulder up the mountain, killing ourselves in the process, or step aside, letting gravity take the boulder to where it naturally wants to go.

At some point in our lives, we are all faced with a crowd of our unrealized dreams. We can cling to or try to revive these dreams, or we can surrender to the fact that maybe these dreams were never meant to be fulfilled and/or that the journey was the point, and not the destination.

It still makes me mad. I know what my gifts are and on some days it just kills me to know that they are not being utilized.

I grieve this as well.

As the Rolling Stones once said, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you’ll find, you get what you need.” (Hmmm….that might be bullshit too….unless they’re including getting what we need only by the skin of our teeth.)

Being human is hard. Today is one of those days where it feels especially hard. I don’t like feeling sad or vulnerable. I don’t appreciate the demons of self-doubt, personal loathing, or shame that dance around in my head when I’m feeling this way. I also know better than to try to “change my thoughts” (toxic positivity) in an attempt to make the demons go away.

Instead, I sit with the demons. I call each of them forward. And I do my best to LOVE them. Each of them arose out of some kind of need – whether it be the need to belong, the need to believe the lies of perceived authority, or to keep me in compliance with the system, they came as some kind of support. Additionally, they show up to remind me of the deep pain I’m still carrying from trauma I’ve experienced in my life, along with an invitation to tend to yet another deeper layer of that pain that is now ready to be seen, felt, processed and released.

As is always true of the spiritual journey – wash, rinse repeat. So back to the demons I go to hear what they have to offer me in the way of healing this time.

Thank you sirs, may I have another.

Trump and Other Demons

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

This past week, Donald Trump won the Iowa caucus. My initial reaction was WTFingF? My second thought was a deep disgust for those who voted for him (not that the other candidates are any better). My third thought was a memory – a memory of when he won the presidential vote in 2016. My first response then was complete and total shock. For a day I processed the sense of being betrayed by the American people. Then, I went into deep prayer and pleaded with the Universe to help me understand the meaning of Trump’s victory. The answer from the Universe was immediate – a visceral replaying of the scene from the Ten Commandment’s movie when the angel of death passes through Egypt. I was then told directly, “Donald Trump is playing the role of the Angel of Death – that which passes through, ushering in the death of all that no longer serves.”  

Understanding all the lies, corruption, and evil that lay hidden in our nation, I could accept that perspective. Trump’s presidency proved this out – pulling away the veil of all that lay hidden behind the façade of American culture and governance – corporate greed, racism, xenophobia, sexism, misogyny, bigotry, government corruption, etc. etc. etc. The effects of those four years have been far-reaching, traumatic, disgusting, and repulsive.  That was just the beginning.

Behind and beneath the surface, the Trump machine continues. The evils that he espouses and embodies churns beneath the surface, while he seemingly avoids any consequence for his criminal actions, likewise those who claim him to be their messiah.

There can be no doubt that Donald Trump is either evil or stupid – the willing pawn of powerbrokers manipulating him from behind the scenes, deeply entrenched with all those who believe as he believes. Fearful, hateful, willfully ignorant people who see themselves in Donald Trump and visa versa. To think of another four years of Donald Trump as president, supporting and advocating for evil, admittedly fills me with terror and dread.

In this, I am reminded that angels can also be demons:

Demons Walking Among Us

There are indeed demons among us –

Broken, wounded humans stubbornly rooted in fear –

Ignorant of, yet defined by their wounds –

The effect coming out sideways.

Tentacles of manipulation attempting to control

through guilt and shame-based insults and projections of blame.

“You’re the cause of my discontent.”

When called out for their behaviors

or boundaries set,

lashing out with escalating shrieks.

Becoming slithering shadows or terror and intensifying attacks.

Giving away their power while simultaneously fighting to get it back.

Feeling powerless.

Feigning Power.

A counterfeit.

Bullying.

Fawning.

Flattering.

Demeaning.

Condemning with their own condemnation.

Never once accepting responsibility

or holding themselves accountable to their own wounds.

These are the demons who walk among us.

It’s impossible to help or heal them

for it is in an eternal state of victimhood that they are fed.

Whether he proves victorious or not, I am aware of the deep corruption and evil in our culture that needs to be exposed so that it can be healed, and that perhaps until the sources of racism and bigotry and fully exposed they cannot be transformed. I just hope it’s not through Trump that this healing needs to come about. As it relates to the (very real) possibility of another Trump presidency, I am hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.

Online courses to support you in confronting demons:

Excruciatingly Human – UGH!

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

Can I just start out by saying how much I don’t like Mondays!?  I find Mondays in general difficult (not sure why – I don’t follow a traditional work week), but I’m finding this Monday especially challenging.  After my empathic body spent the past four days writhing in pain over whatever (everything) is happening in our world, I’m exhausted. I’m all out of f*cks to give and when my daily doubt demons showed up this morning, I didn’t even have the energy to care. 

“Hello demons. Make yourself at home.

I’ll just be over here in the corner trying not to die!”

Yep. Pretty much. Too exhausted care and all out of f*cks to give. Turns out I’m still human – excruciatingly so.

You’d think that after all I’ve “accomplished” in my life I’d have this doubt thing figured out. Right!?  I’ve written and published ten books (two more in the works). I’ve created and published nearly forty online courses. I’ve managed to support hundreds of women and men through my local and online courses and through one-on-one mentoring and spiritual counseling. I’ve officiated weddings and funerals. I’ve been present with friends through some of the most horrific experiences imaginable. Somehow in my work of service to the world – one that is rather difficult to describe or explain – I have eked out a living for myself and my children.  

And yet, on the daily, I am certain that I have failed and that my work doesn’t matter. And I wonder if it’s time to cash it all in and get a “real job.” UGH

I would be tempted to admit to suffering imposter syndrome, but I (intellectually) know I’m good I am at what I do – not because I’m vain – but because of the feedback I receive from clients, students, and members of my local and online communities.  I, on the other hand, know that it is not me who is doing the work – it is the Divine working through me. Despite my human frailties I hear words come out of my mouth that I know are not mine but are exactly what the client/student needs to hear in order to heal and transform their lives.  I can’t take any credit for this.  I can only give the credit to God.

But still I doubt. I compare. I look at what other writers, spiritual teachers, healers, etc. are accomplishing and the notoriety they have achieved in their work and I’m certain I must be doing something wrong. The thought-police chip in with their doctrine that “if you just think the right thoughts you’ll have everything you want and wish for.” (Don’t get me started). Marketing experts and other successful business owners (by the standards of Capitalism) offer me their formulas for success – all of which I have attempted only to find myself “failing” even worse!  (is that possible?)  I’ve been told to work harder, dumb down my writing, get a makeover (seriously!!!??), change my dress, etc. etc. etc.  I tried the “work harder” piece and nearly killed myself from the effort (few consider chronic illness when handing out “work harder” advice). Dumbing down my writing isn’t an option and……I can’t even respond to makeovers and clothing.  Good God!  Is this really how people decide if you are good enough to support them in their journey?! 

UGH!  Just UGH!

In reading this, one might say, “maybe you just need to be happy with the people who love you and say good things about you.”  Hmmmmm.  Like my amazing and thoughtful youngest sister who continues to rave about the gifts she envies in me – my ability to get things done, to remain disciplined, persistent and tenacious in the work I do.  I agree with her, but I also feel uncomfortable with her words. In a way, I guess I take the gifts that I have for granted because they don’t really feel like mine.  The things I do well don’t come from me – they come from a source deep inside me that every once in awhile decides to make itself known and accomplishes things of which I know I am not humanly capable.  Like raising my amazing children?  How did that happen?!

Ok.  That’s one thing I can take credit for. God gave me the stuff to work with and the self-awareness tools and wisdom to know how to apply them in my parenting. But I applied them.  And my kids are pretty darn awesome if I dare say so myself.

I have no answer for the demons of doubt that show up nearly every day, but I am reminded of Jesus.  In the Garden and at the moment of his death, doubt was there.

Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.” Matthew 26: 38-39 

About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”).   Matthew 27: 46

If the demons of doubt were good enough for Jesus, I guess they’re good enough for me. So I’ll just go on being excruciatingly human.

Authentic Freedom, by Lauri Ann Lumby, transcends centuries of dogma to reveal the powerful and life-changing message at the heart of Jesus’ teachings and the universal truths at the core of every religion. The book’s unique approach offers an opportunity for the reader to heal the separation they feel within themselves, with God and with each other, ultimately revealing the truth of Oneness. Built upon the compelling integration of Eastern Energy Medicine and the 2000-year-old tradition of Christian, contemplative spiritual practices, Authentic Freedom revels a Dynamic and unifying path of spiritual transformation that speaks to people of all traditions and beliefs.

Learn more HERE

When a Dream is More than a Dream

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

I write this from a place of profound physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion, for

last night in my dreams I was fighting demons.

Literally!  Like several of my spiritual sisters and brothers, I am increasingly finding that much of my work of service to the world is accomplished while sleeping. I know that the dreams are more than just dreams when I wake up in a cold sweat, heart pounding, and feeling exhausted – as if I’d just done battle. Because I have.

The evils we know in our world are not simply present to us on the physical plane. These evils are in the hearts and minds of human beings and are present within the collective consciousness. These evils are present within our genetic memory and are encoded in our DNA.  Scripture isn’t wrong when it says that the “sins of the father will be visited upon his sons to the third and fourth generation (Ex 20:5, 34:7).”  Evil begets evil, and it takes generations to change that.

If we want to truly be free of evil in our world, we have to address it on more than just the physical plane.  Addressing evil and its causes at the emotional and psychological level is the work of psychologists and spiritual counselors. Addressing evil on the level of consciousness, genetic memory, DNA, and in the invisible planes within and behind consciousness is the job of an exorcist.

This work of spiritual exorcism is where I am increasingly finding myself.

NOT BY MY CHOICE!  Who in their right mind would volunteer for the work of exorcism!?  And yet here is where I find myself along with several of my spiritual sisters and brothers who have come together for this work.  Whether it be through dreams, visions, or direct guidance, we are being led to the “demons” that lay behind the evil actions of humanity.  We are then asked to do the work of transforming the fears out of which these demons are made (all “demons” are made of fear, as such, all evil is caused by unhealed fears), so that the “demon” might be freed to return to its original nature as Love.

Love is indeed the Source of all.

Evil is simply unhealed fear wanting to be returned to Love.

When I’m not freaked out by this work (seriously God, exorcism!?), I am profoundly humbled and grateful for the years of inner work and disciplined training that has given me the tools and the courage to do this.  I am also grateful for and in awe of the sisters and brothers who have shown up with a similar and complementary calling.  It’s almost as if some Divine intelligence had planned this all along – a ready made team of exorcists helping to heal the world and rid it of the unhealed fears and conditioning that have caused us to forget who we really are –

The sons and daughters of LOVE.

Lauri Ann Lumby has formulized the training she accomplished which prepared her to do the work of spiritual exorcist, spiritual counselor and mentor into her two foundational training programs. Click on the links to the right to learn more.

Email lauri@lauriannlumby.com to learn more or schedule a session.

Spiritual Counseling:

Lauri’s gifts as a spiritual counselor are centered in her ability to see. She sees your truth along with what might be hindering your ability to live that truth fully. By seeing clearly, Lauri can help guide you through the process of identifying, healing and transforming the wounds, fears, traumas and conditioning that keep you from living a life in which your purpose is fully embodied and your mission fulfilled.

Lauri provides this mentoring one-on-one and through her classes and training programs.

Learn more HERE

Being an Exorcist

/ Lauri Ann Lumby / Leave a comment

In my experience, there are four kinds of exorcists:

  1. The ones we see in movies modeled after the tradition of Catholic priests especially trained and commissioned to research demonic possession and if deemed demonic, also charged with freeing the “host” of said demon.
  2. The shaman-types who “eat” demons who have made a home in an animal, person, or place.
  3. Psychiatrists who successfully treat those suffering from extreme mental illness which in former times would have been labeled as possessed.
  4. Those who help regular people identify, transform, and release the demons of fear, past wounding, trauma, etc.

Normally I would say that I am solely the fourth kind of exorcist, but due to recent events, I must now acknowledge that the deeper “releasing of demons” that I’ve been doing is more akin to #1.  YIKES!

For yesterday I was given a vision and a command

The vision came during my Sunday morning yoga class.  Sitting in child’s pose, I was overcome with a terrible anxiety, bordering on panic. First, I tried stuffing down the anxiety.  Then I tried praying it away. Neither of these released the anxiety so I did what every exorcist knows to do –

Instead of running from the fear, I went into it.

As I drew closer to the fear, I began to “see” through my third eye, becoming like the three-eyed raven of Game of Thrones fame. I found myself “flying” over the world and being shown all the pockets of a world readying for war. They are legion.

I was then drawn into and past the war machine and was shown the “players.”  These players might better be called “puppet masters” for they are never on the front lines.  Instead, these are the men behind the men behind the men. These “puppet masters” are made up of a council of men hiding behind, manipulating, and controlling the wealth in the world and all the violence that created (and continues to create) and is brought about by that wealth.  These are the men who benefit from a world at war and who create the perceived conflicts that ensure the world is always at war so they may continue to grow in wealth.

I was then drawn into and through these men to the evil that feeds and sustains them, for the evil they do is not simply born out of gluttony and greed.  It is born out of the darkest and most hideous actions man can dream of – namely:

Human sacrifice, the most hideous of which is child sacrifice.

Yes. You heard me right. The evil these men feed upon is that which is sustained through the sacrifice of human life. These sacrifices include the women and men who die in war, innocents killed in the streets and in their own homes, children trafficked for the purpose of sexual/murderous acts.

I shudder to share these words, and many might accuse me of lying or being insane. I’m only telling you what I saw.  You can look away, but the reality remains.

There is true evil being done in our world and until this evil is rooted out, we will never know peace.

This is where the task of the exorcist comes in.  I’m not a Catholic priest. Neither am I a shaman. Instead, the work I do is invisible and performed in the non-physical realm. Here I remain with the visions as they come and follow the visions as they lead me toward the sources of these evils – what some might call “demons.”  At first glance, they appear as demons. Some big. Some small. Some absent of form. Then I use the tools I’ve been given (through the Holy Spirit/Shekinah) to support these “demons” in being healed of the evil that befell them so that they might return to their original nature as love. 

The work is not about banishing demons, it is about restoring them to Love.

This is the work that has consumed me for the past 24 hours and which will continue to unfold as it needs to. The great news is that I have spiritual sisters and brothers who are doing similar work, so I know I am not alone. I am humbled (to the point of tears) to be called to this work and grateful for the years of what I now understand was the training necessary to develop the courage to face these evils and to be a vessel through which they might be healed so that our world might be healed.

Click on the images above to learn more about Lauri’s training programs – for your own transformation and in service to your work of Love in the world.